Why doesn't your fashionable feminine side crossover into your drab side?

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I'm not sure how to put this, but here's my question. Why can't the drab side of dressing be a little girly or a little more fashionable, why such a huge difference between the 2 styles? Or aren't yours that far apart?

My CDing Friend is WAAYYY drab, all jeans and t shirts, no fashion sense here at all. BUT in girl mode or when talking to me about what I wear it's all fashionable, all stylish and put together?

I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

[Karren H]

Speak for yourself! Lol. I dress to look good no mater what I wear. If I don't show up to work in a nice suit and an amazingly colorful Jerry Garcia tie everyone thinks something wrong!

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Speak for yourself! Lol. I dress to look good no mater what I wear. If I don't show up to work in a nice suit and an amazingly colorful Jerry Garcia tie everyone thinks something wrong!


That's exactly what I mean! LOL How can you care so much about the one side and not give a thought to the other!? I just don't get it!

[Shadeauxmarie]

I love to look good whether I am presenting as male or female.

[Cynthia Anne]

Good question! All my life I showed up in my dirty old hat, boots and crooked smile! Finally my female side has won over and it's dresses and skirts all the way! Hugs!

[RADER]

I do not leave the closet when dressed, So I mostly under dress when out.
What degree I am under dress depends on the weather; The hotter it is, the
less I wear. Mostly my fem jeans, panties and a neutral top.
Rader

[docrobbysherry]

2 things come to mind:

1. Think,"Lipstick on a pig", GG! I don't see ANY POINT in trying to make my drab self look good. Because in the end, I must look in the mirror! And, I've ALWAYS disliked who and what I see there!

2. I dress ALL THE WAY when I dress. That's the only way I LIKE what I see in the mirror! Any, "part way fem", 1/2 way measures do NOTHING for me at all! See point #1 above!

[Jamie001]

I just wear feminine items and always present as a feminine male. Therefore I only have one "mode".

[Bree Wagner]

I think I look good in shorts and a T-shirt! Anyways, it's a matter of effort. Since I don't get to dress up femme that often it's worth putting more effort into when I do. If I did it every day I'd probably be taking the easy way out then too.

-Bree

[Vanessa_1977]

I have no ancer for you. But when I'm in girl mood I do my best to look as good as I can. I whould love too go to a formal event so I can where a formal dress. But in guy mood I don't realy care what I look like. One might say I dress like a scrub cus all my gut clothing are work clothes can't keep em cleen. Mabie it becouse I don't like beeing in guy mood.

[Eryn]

Being fashionable in drab is a bit like a pianist being limited to five keys. Yes, you can make music with only five notes and a few musicians would rise to the challenge of doing so, but most would rather work without restriction, which for me means en femme.

[Chickhe]

...because its not about looking good, its about looking the part. I do think most people want to look good, but there is a male style that either includes you or excludes you...so its more about fitting in. If you wear something unusual, it is the first thing people judge, so if you are insecure it may be difficult to be different...on the other hand, you can feel superior and feel empowered if you dress a cut above. Also, consider most guys end up doing the dirty work and jeans and a t-shirt looks normal even with dirt on them...can't think of many woman's outfits that look great with dirt on them...

[Sophie_C]

Mine does, but it's not that easy.

First off, is the femme thing. I personally look at fashion not entirely based on gender, but if whenever you end up having anything remotely bordering on femme, it's perceived as being gay. Too well-fitting, to frilly, too chic, too much resembling a current woman's style and that's what you've got. Trust me, I've done it, and I've had to hold myself back from buying things in the men's section like this, even a few months ago. And, when you don't, you're getting set up with your female friend's gay BFF and they're not believing you like girls. This is the reality for men.

Hell, in some parts of the country, simply dressing well is perceived as being gay, so you've got to take perspective on this.

Second, it's a matter of options. In fact, I'm sure you do not know, but being in a large city, I did an inventory of stores out there that cater to women-only versus ones that cater to women and men, and it was 11 stores for women-only to 1 store for women and men.

Now, your friend seems to really just be blowing off his boy side, which to me is a bit lazy, but know it's really tough to be as fashionable as a man as you are as a woman without consequence. I have fun with it, but I have to keep on playing this game of "Does this actually look straight?" every time I find clothes I like when I'm out shopping. And, I really don't like it, but I don't have much of a choice.

And, it's not like I'm out in left field here. Was "Mr. Big" portrayed in SATC in the chic-est outfits possible? Hell no. He just rocked basic suits, tailored somewhat on the big side, and that's what women loved. Am I wrong?

[wilt575]

I just wear feminine items and always present as a feminine male. Therefore I only have one "mode".

Same here curvy low rise jeans with obvious stiched pockets, some studded design jeans, capris and short shorts. Wear assorted design tops,crop and tank etc. totally underdress (panties,bras forms and hose). Some times do second mode totally feminine.

[Michelle 51]

For a lot of guys who have spent a lifetime trying to hide their femme side its hard to break that habit.When I dress in femme I want to look very femme and in style but in guy mode its just old habit to make sure nothing is girlish about how I look.I often dress in suits and ties etc but there is a huge difference between looking nice in guy clothes and looking femme in guy cloths.The generation today is a lot for liberal towards guys being and looking femme than in my day.They even have a name for it .Metro.

[Kate Simmons]

It's all mindset regardless of what I'm wearing Hon. I can be dressed entirely en femme but be in guy "mode" and it will show. Same with being en homme. When I'm in girl "mode" it shows. The approach taken on the feelings and emotions does make a bit of a difference sometimes.:battingeyelashes::)

[Joanne f]

:) I have men's linen trousers and shirts which I wear when we go out for a meal or something and I have to look manly for my wife (although she says that I can wear anything I like when out with her) and I would like to think that I am fashionable most of the time .

[joan47]

I present as a feminine man in male mode, pierced ears, thin arched eyebrows, long arylic nails, necklace, light make-up, bra, panties, girls scoop bneck style t's, girl tightlow rise jeans

[Jennifer W]

I'm not sure how to put this, but here's my question. Why can't the drab side of dressing be a little girly or a little more fashionable, why such a huge difference between the 2 styles? Or aren't yours that far apart?

My CDing Friend is WAAYYY drab, all jeans and t shirts, no fashion sense here at all. BUT in girl mode or when talking to me about what I wear it's all fashionable, all stylish and put together?

I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

I have a nice men's linen shirt. I also have pastel colored men's tshirts and polos. I wear them with men's jeans, fem jeans or men's pants. I blend both male and female all the time. Depends on my mood or where I'm going as to how I dress.

[Alice]

I have been interested in this question myself and I have found that the disparity is usually due to the circumstances in which the two types of clothes are used. Unless someone presents as a female exclusively he must still wear his male clothes in social situations. In these situations everyone has a set of expectations guided by their culture and defined by who they are. Individuals are expected to dress a certain way based on their age, gender, occupation, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, peer group, and many other factors. When dressing in private however, there are no restrictions besides those the individual sets for himself. The clothes that a closeted CDer chooses to wear in private could be completely inappropriate for a woman in a comparable position in life. For example, those who wear wedding dresses; there is a small handful of social circumstances where someone would wear a wedding dress, but since those dressing are doing so in a private situation they are free to dress how they desire. The same rules even apply to CDers who dress in public. Anyone walking down Main Street on a Sunday afternoon in a PVC mini skirt and five inch heels is going to get looks, so those of us who choose to go out en femme typically dress in the way women are expected to dress as defined by the circumstances.

So when a CDer is dressing in private, the clothes he wears are dictated by his desires and defined by his beliefs and knowledge about how people dress. When in a social circumstance, the clothes anyone wears are defined by societal expectations. Most people wear what they are expected to wear, and what their social groups expect them to wear based on prior observation. It just so happens that society only expects a small segment of men to be "fashionable" so those of us who do not fall into that segment will not usually dress in a "fashionable" way.




Those are my personal observations regarding the disparity between many CDers two wardrobes.

[Kaz]

It's a great challenge! My daughter did fashion design at college and is now working with a leading fashion chain. She specialised in menswear. Great designs, and I would love to wear them... BUT once you are out of your teens and twenties, men have to conform if they want a career and a salary. They have to join the 'pack' and adopt the prevailing attire. This includes hair length and facial hair... renegades tend not to get promoted and quickly become vulnerable in difficult economic times. It is just a fact of life.

OK there are some industries that are different and Gen X and Y have done a bit to change things, but Gen Xers have mainly conformed as they got older. Why do you think men play golf? Because they enjoy it? No... it is about belonging to the right tribe and maximising your career/earning power. And women like it... they are attracted to money and power in general...

As the song says... 'nobody loves you when you're down and out'....

OK... a generalisation... but based on my life experience!

[Beverley Sims]

Mine has merged over the years, but as a disguise I think my drab side still looks really DRAB.:)

[Foxglove]

Who wants to be a guy? So why worry about what you look like when you have to be one? And even if you did want to look good, when you're 5' 3" tall, nobody's going to be impressed no matter what you do.




I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

And dear Friend, there's nothing made for a man that would make me feel even remotely feminine. Linen shirt or pants? Sorry. Skirt or dress and nice undies. Then you're feeling feminine.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Stephanie47]

I believe I dress to fit the occasion and who has decided to be dominant for the day. If you have read my previous comments on this site, I truly believe each of us has an inner male and an inner female. The degree of dressing is governed by the desires of one side or the other. When Stephanie's twin brother needs a rest from the world or Stephanie decides to assert herself, Stephanie wants to express a truly feminine side of herself. Therefore, based on perceptions of the past, Stephanie will always appear in a pretty dress, lacy slip, pretty undergarments, hosiery and heels. Her twin brother also likes to appear well dressed for the occasion. Before retirement, in the office setting, it was dress shirts and ties and dress slacks and dress shoes. Actually, the ties became a method of further expression of how he felt on any given day. I will say Stephanie's twin brother was better dressed than ANY of the females in the office. A GG wearing sweat pants, sweat shirts, flip flops, jeans, etc in a professional environment, meeting and dealings with CPA's and attorneys and business persons? Hideous!

Now when Stephanie's twin brother wants to totally relax, he will be found in shorts, sweat socks and 'sneakers' and a tee shirt. All clean. He also has been told he has sexy legs, which Stephanie enjoys making pretty with sexy hosiery.

Since Stephanie and her twin brother are able to wait their turns to express themselves, there is no conflict in dressing. I'm sort of the opinion that the male side wearing feminine garb has not made peace with his feminine side and is trying to suppress her. He needs to totally surrender to his feminine side and let her come out and be herself for a period of time. Peaceful co-existence is possible.

[Georgia_Maine]

For me dressing enfemme is more of a fantasy. I want to look as good as I can. In normal everyday masculine mode, comfort is much more important so now jeans and a sport shirt are the norm. When needed, I guess I dress up pretty well.

[kimdl93]

I have allowed a little crossover. I often wear clothing are fashionably feminine when I must go out in drab. For example, I often wear women's jeans and women's blouses that, except for the buttons, could as easily be mistaken for men's shirts. Its fun to mix in things that are a bit more stylish and have a hint of femininity.

[sometimes_miss]

Simple answer is because men define women by appearance, and define other men by what they do, not what they look like. So when we want to feel feminine, it's the 'look' that we feel the need to emulate the most. We see women focusing so much on clothes, make up, jewelry, etc, so that's what we want to do, too. We'd probably focus on our intimate relationships more than 'normal' guys too, but most of us don't have any 'intimate relationship'; not to mention, I've overheard women who don't like guys who are too into it because it makes us seem too 'needy'.

[carhill2mn]

For many of us it was a matter of not appearing to be feminine in any way or to like feminine things. One must be confident
about oneself in order to not worry about fitting strictly into the "box" defined by society as "male".

[Lynn Marie]

Speak for yourself! Lol. I dress to look good no mater what I wear. If I don't show up to work in a nice suit and an amazingly colorful Jerry Garcia tie everyone thinks something wrong!

I like to look good no matter what I wear. Sort of a neatnik. I never, ever, wear T-shirts. I advertise for no one unless I'm getting paid!

[Kate17]

This is interesting. I have found myself dressing more fem in my male mode - not overtly mind you. I always wear womens jeans or pants and various neutral womens tops like pull overs and silk shirts. To be honest, I really like the womans jeans much better than the mens pants - and my wife says it shows off my butt nicely. If my friends have noticed, they have not said anything. When working, its all business.

[Suzy Parker]

Because my knuckle dragging persona is way to paranoid to appear even the least bit feminine. Suzy is still in the cave.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Because my knuckle dragging persona is way to paranoid to appear even the least bit feminine. Suzy is still in the cave.

This is exactly what I'm thinking it could be! Thanks for the great replies everyone and I think you've all explained pretty well. At his job there's no way to dress fenimnine, even the women dress like men. :) And there's no way he can have any sort of feminine appearance, no WAY in public!! He's as manly as you can get until you get to know him. ;)

His family would make fun of anything out of the nornal I think and he knows it. :( He went and bought MEN's open toe sandals and felt like it was a huge step, and to him it is! :)

Just trying to figure this all out and I am so thankful to have so many great opinions and ideas to think about. I don't push any kind of clothes, just ask and try to figure out how to be helpful and understanding without over stepping.

[Sarah Doepner]

When I worked I tried to look professional and kept myself neat and middle of the road stylish but comfort was important as well. When we would go out I would dress in coat and tie if it was expected. If it was time to be casual I preferred to wear a very colorful 'Aloha' shirt in the warmer months and quality wool shirts in the winter. I wasn't a fashion plate, but I don't think I was a slob. There are times when I'm doing yard work or camping that function is much more important than fashion, so it seems I do think about what I wear, but never went overboard in my guy wardrobe. I wore those things all the time and I became a creature of habit and never saw a benefit to go high end with men's clothes.

[Brittany CD]

The feminine side for crossdressers is very strong and for us men, fashion is very bland to us. Women's fashion has a certain beauty to it that we love. Suits are always the same thing but dresses are always different. Heels are much better than male dress shoes. lingerie is more fun than an undershirt and boxers

[Suzy Parker]

Just trying to figure this all out and I am so thankful to have so many great opinions and ideas to think about. I don't push any kind of clothes, just ask and try to figure out how to be helpful and understanding without over stepping.

He is very lucky to have you as a friend.

[crossdressersfriend GG]

The feminine side for crossdressers is very strong and for us men, fashion is very bland to us. Women's fashion has a certain beauty to it that we love. Suits are always the same thing but dresses are always different. Heels are much better than male dress shoes. lingerie is more fun than an undershirt and boxers

I agree with that, I always had so much more fun dressing my little girl than my little boy, they don't make exciting things for men! But there are occasions that a mens dressy shirt could look nice and be manly but maybe feel more feminine? Maybe because of the material alone either feel of how it hangs?

But I can see what you mean, very generic and boring!

[NathalieX66]

My girl side goes out every where but it does not cross over into my corporate professional life.

I finally let my hair grow down to my shoulders after 15 months of solid growth. I also wear either 3/4"silver hoop earrings, or cubic zirconia studs in pblic......,Sounds great, but I think I look like a mess.
Problem is, I don't feel whole without all this. I'm, in the corporate field, and I took a chance. .....ain't no going back now.

[Tina B.]

I love clothes, both mens, and womens, now having said that. A pink Hawaiian shirt in polyester, does not make me feel the same as a Brown coarse cotton Blouse. While I like to dress nice in drab, it has nothing to do with the time I love to spend in female clothes, and does not have anything to do with fulfilling the needs that cross dressing gives me. And as a man I wear Polyester, and Silk, when ever possible, and love Pink, Purples, Yellows, and Pastels of all kinds. But it still is not female, and there for it's just clothes.
Tina B.

[Jilmac]

I spent my entire adult life working in the building trades so making an impression with my style of clothes wasn't a top priority. Most of what I wore were jeans and tees in summer and jeans and flannel shirts for winter. However when it came to my pretty feminine clothes, I always wanted to look my best and fashion was a number one priority.

[justcurious]

I dress in suits and ties most work days and jeans and t-shirts most other. I have worn my girl stuff under my clothes (not bras... think others can see that) and it makes me feel male and female? Feels good and makes me a calmer person I think..

[monicagurl23]

i find since i started dressing as a gurl a little more seriously, my drab side has become a lot more fashionable. its weird... suddenly i find myself caring a whole lot more about how i look. and i'm becoming more and more into looking good in drab... tighter fitting shirts, more stylish pants, patterned socks... maybe it's because i don't tget to dress in gurl mode very often, so paying attention to clothes and fashion in drab mode is my little way of feeling like a gurl even if i'm not dressed. does that make any sense? probably not...

[Jolene Robertson]

I have worn womens jeans, shorts a long wig (sholder length), sandles and silk tops for years. The funny thing is how many men like the jeans, especially the bell bottoms and ask me where to get them. I under dress all the time (no bra). It does make me feel better and no one ever says anything to make me feel not accepted.
So wear what makes you comfortable, thats what this is all about.

[noeleena]

Hi ,

How many of you are guy' & would dress in pink overalls to work think about it for a moment,

Im a tradesman & proud of it im allmost 65 & nothing i do will change who i am,

yes i went in to a shop that had all sorts of neat overalls only one miner detail as i said to the woman selling them , theres none in my size, they were for young girls aged up to 14 so not this time round ill try her again , & see,

okay on the job site or what ever, i wear orange overalls. yet my difference is im a woman..& my nick name on another site was wendy the builder. Love it.

Now pink is not a drab colour & its my fav. one day ill get a pair,

At other times ill wear shorts & a tee, & my sunhat pink or white. in the summer & my piny with tools,

To tell the truth yes i had to wear bloody male clothes years ago though allmost all the time it was shorts summer & winter. hated boy clothes, oh well dont have any now not any more & even Jos said years ago what ya got them for, I dont know , then give them away. so we did, all my washing i hang on the clothes line are my womens clothes.

You know some thing i just dont get how you can wear such lousy not nice hard stiff sandpaper suits , i would not even let our sommer = female dog sleep on them let alone have them in our home........horobale looking clothes....oh well thats me.

...noeleena...

[Jay Cee]

I used to be pretty bland in my drab clothing, but that is changing as I come to accept myself more. Getting some pink in my male wardrobe, and branching out more in different styles. I even bought a murse.

[jenny76]

I agree that for some of us its about looking the part, staying well within social restrictions. I don't know if its a good or bad thing, but for me its like "whats the point" if I cant go all the way. I have multiples of the same plain shirts. dont like them much, but if I cant wear a dress everyday, I dont want to try anything else ..

[Georgia_Maine]

Hi Ladies,

OK, I'm going to date myself but back in the 70s there was a much wider choice of colors and styles for mem. I used to wear burgundy or forest green, along with more typical pant colors. Bell bottom corduroy pants and crazy colored shirts were common - and I dressed conservatively! Now everything is so bland.

[Ms Mira]

Because it feels great for us CDs to get dressed up all pretty and do a great job of it. Doing that - and usually the better the job the better the feeling - brings out a part of ourselves.

That applies to a certain extent in drab as well. Just not quite with the same resonant power.

[Maddie22]

As I am reading the replies, I'm seeing a couple of different themes in replies here. One is mixing clothes that are culturally designated for women with that of which are culturally designated for men. The second is dressing well in men's clothing which would be as equivalently nice in what they wear in women's clothing.

I believe that the originally posting refers to more to the second theme rather than the first. When I dress as a male, I'm just as much as a clothing and appearance snob as I am when I dress as a female. I like to look good no matter what. I'm a big RL Polo person, and a shoe snob as well. When I'm out as a male running around doing errands, I'm still in a nice polo shirt and a nice pair of shorts or jeans, and fashionable shoes. Even though I'm dressing in what I feel is relaxed, it is still fashionable and sharp. If going to a formal event as a man, I like to wear nice suits, fashionable ties, a sharp shirt and some nice Cole Haan's. The one area that I'm not as creative is the more dress casual/business casual look. That has more to do with what I have spent my money on.

I will admit, that usually when I go out as a female, I'm more dressed up than I would be as a man. However culturally, women have a wider range of appropriate attire for occasions than men do. When I go out as female, usually it's to a bar or to a friend's house. I can dress in comfortable women's clothing or dressier women's clothing and be perfectly acceptable in those situations anywhere in between. So when dressing as a female, the social situations allows me to dress nicer, which I can't always take advantage of as a male.

Now as I have started embracing my female side, and am in the stages of questioning who I am in terms of gender, I've started to wear more feminine male clothing (in terms of colors, materials, designed. Items that are "metro" or what Tim Gunn would wear). I've also started mixing female and men's clothing, I have started to wear women's jeans and women's tops, but these items are more of gender neutral items that can go either way.

Culturally, women do have a much wider variety of what not only what is acceptable to wear, but different types of items as well. This isn't a new subject by any means. However, if we really wanted to dress nicer and/or more fashionable as men we can. There are a few things that as men, we do have more variety than women to wear. There are certain shoe segments that men can wear while still be fashionable, such as the casual athletic shoes that are popular. I've seen some very stylish Cole Haan's as well. We have more types of suits than women as well (in terms of design, patterns and materials, but not cuts). We can start grooming ourselves in a more feminine ways too. Men can go tanning, remove back and chest hair as well. However we are at the beginning stages of these things being widely acceptable, and it is still considered "gay" by many people, which is extremely unfortunate. However, if want to make wearing men's clothing more exciting, we can. It just might take a bit more creativity and having a thicker skin.

[AmandaM]

I couldn't care less about men's fashions. I prefer a decent enough shirt and pants, but that's it. I would never be GQ.

[ArleneRaquel]

During my life as a present male, my fashion and grooming were average, as a female I think that I strive & achieve better, at least I hope so.

[suchacutie]

I thought I was only a male for 55 years. I thought I was dressing ok, but now that Tina is around, my male self is incredibly better dressed, not counting the fact that my skin is 100% better! My clothes fit better, I look at color differently, no more white shirts (!), only good-looking ties, etc.

So, I think it carries over a lot! Purple shirt with a hot purple tie and a sharp suit gets a lot of compliments!