Fantastic disappointment

[Inna]

Today turned out to be a gruesome and tearful day, yet at the end of realization, I was reborn yet again. Step by step on the path of truth, awkwardly I walk on, but every new step brings on a new sense of self, more loving, more open, more understanding.
About couple days ago, one of the photographers emailed me on one of the modeling sites I am a member of. And proposed a photoshoot. You know, the one with hair stylist, make up artist, lighting people, the whole shebang. If I was ecstatic, such was an understatement, we exchanged chat and got ever so closer in establishing the criteria. But since I have joined I stipulated to my road of hardship in my bio, yet never mentioned the words which still carry stigma within "Normal" people.
And more and more we conversed, the more I felt I needed to share my truth.
You can only imagine how hard this particular forthcoming was for me. He asked what was the uniqueness I mentioned, I circled the question and bought some time, he said " Oh no, your ex is a world dictator and will have me shut" I laughed, and became more comfortable with his sense of humor.
We talked some more and yet again I steered away from a direct answer, he pointed "Did you do sex work.....?", "NO, no, nothing like that....."
Moment of silence and "what is this secret of yours?" I answered "I am an interstellar traveler" he puzzeled for a minute and said "You definitely are not making this easy for me........You are surely NOT one of those SEX Change people", my heart skipped the beat, blood grew cold, and all the fears became real!
Just the way he put it, as though this dreadful most atrocious of incidences and I was the leper, the sickened deviant of deviants.

"YES" I tossed out of my now numb lips, "I am"

The conversation went on by him explaining that he personally had nothing against such but that he wasn't sure about all the others working on the set and will have to check, but all that was spoken with trembling voice, the voice I have heard so many times before.

TRUTH, burdensome and painful, and scary, yet my conscious didn't allow me any other way. I felt that if I did this and somehow during shoot it came out, I would feel awful and as though I have lied to them.

After the conversation was over I picked up the phone and cried the tears of sorrow, my sister, an angel, who had been with me since the beginning, held me in her love until I settled calm. So hard, so frickin hard, but after a while I realized that since I started to hide my past, I became just like I was to begin with, hiding in the shadows of self and alluding questions. No, all this pain and hardship to go back into the hole, NO!

I wiped my tears dry, and felt strong and a feeling of yet again, a new found truth became apparent. I am a transsexual woman, I have got here through tremendous effort armed with love, walked through gates of hell, and survived!

So yet again, a newly found freedom in being broken, not perfect but trying!
And to all the NORMAL people out there:

I am so sorry that you had been dealt normalcy as a lifestyle, no one is perfect!

[MC-lite]

That sucks! Being treated like that is the main reason that I stay away from mainstream corporate.

And I am -nowhere- near as pretty as you are.

For what it's worth, One door closes, another door opens.

Keep the faith.

:Miki.

[Anna Lorree]

I don't fear the hormones, I don't fear the changes to my body and mind that they can bring. I don't fear surgery, I have had facial surgery before for health reasons. All of my fears regarding being transsexual are about how I will deal with people, and how they will deal with me. You are so very brave to be doing what you are doing.

Anna

[outhiking]

"I am so sorry that you had been dealt normalcy as a lifestyle, no one is perfect!" Love it! Hang in there. We are hear to support you.

[Reggie Campion]

I don't know what his problem was, you are as "normal" as the next person but only more beautiful. I believe you will get more opportunities as your life goes on and they will be good ones. It seems to me if this shoot was for beauty you qualify. Pick yourself up and continue on "your" life's journey and the wonder of all will become apparent much to your surpise and pleasure.

Be Happy. At least you got turned down some never got that far.

lol Reggie

[Victoria P]

Inna,

very interesting account of the events,yes some professional people border on being devoid of a soul at times,but you stood up for who you are and you have such integrity in doing so. I myself am not a transexual woman but am transgendered. I have met a few women like you who recounted similar stories to me a number of years back and I found them to be caring,warm and genuine.
Being honest to others and yourself if so rare these days,I applaud you and consider you a sister of sorts,though your ongoing journey is on a slightly different path.

You have a lovely face in sadness ,so I imagine you would illuminate a room in happiness.

Hugs to you,

VP xo :)

[jaleecd]

Inna;
I feel your pain caused by one persons lack of compassion and understanding. I have stood there feeling that what I had to share with the world suddenly had lost it's shine and wonder, that which I was so proud to share was received as soiled and base, not even seeing how much of sole self was invested in that gift. You are a beautiful WOMAN, with no need to appologize for how you accomplisihed your present reality......hugs...Jalee

[ReineD]

I'm sorry, Inna. :hugs:

[mbmeen12]

Some people in life are super smart, super talented, some very professional, but they missed the class on tact, common courtesy, empathy, respect for one who is bright and beautiful in their special own way. So in short, continue to be positive and life is like sailing, you need always to make corrections to some degree. YOU look great and we support you...

[LeaP]

You have incredible spirit, Inna.

And the photo you posted is one of the finest, most expressive I've seen of you to-date. It's raw, but a powerful portrait.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I find your photo very impressive with how confident that you look. It shows your strength and beauty in a way few women are ever seen. I agree with Lea that it is very expressive and powerful.

[Miranda09]

Inna...don't let that get you down. In my view he was hiding some of his own discomfort (prejudice?) and using his crew as an excuse. If he's any kind of professional, it shouldn't make any difference. As for his crew, you and he are the boss....if the crew has any problems, they can get someone else to do their job. I know for a fact that there are photographers out there that will have no problems. I don't know the site you're on, but try ModelMayhem.com. It's a site I belong to that has photographers and models (including some transsexual models) and are very professional. You're a beautiful woman....now go out there and start modeling!!!!! :) :hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm sorry Inna....i've shared alot of your feelings...

the thing that gets me is the whole "I have no problem with it...BUT" this is a big part of the real story...its why progress for us in the general population is ephemeral..most of the people that "support" us wither in the face actually supporting us with other people...there is no way to get to the tipping point

i faced this in my job search...in face to face networking i did after taking my leave to transition, I am told how courageous i am, how "good" i look, and how they are glad that i am "happy"...then i am told that "we" don't have anything for you, but given my best in class skills and history of success in my field, that they would follow up with others...and then they never call back..when i say never, i mean never... this includes people that knew of specific positions with companies that would have hired me in five minutes if i had left my job...

and when i followed up with companies directly, they told me how courageous i am, how "good" i look, and how glad they are that "i am happy"...and then i never hear from them again....

[kimdl93]

Not one of those people.....what a jerk. You're a beautiful woman who has a remarkable life story. Too bad this persons narrow world can't accommodate us.

[Jorja]

I am sorry Inna that you are having to deal with this. However, when blazing new trails into the wilderness you are bound to run into problems. Just a suggestion, I would remove any comments or suggestions that you are special or have a deep dark secret. As Kate would say, "Keep your mouth shut". You are a beautiful woman and very photogenic. That is all they need to know.

[Inna]

Thank you all for your words, and Joria, that is exactly the reason why I confronted him with the news. Several months ago I have started to do just what you say, keep the TS out of conversation, but this intended avoidance felt weighted and false. Once more I begun to feel the pressure of a lie and keeping something so real and part of my self hidden, as I have done my entire life before. The only reason I have transitioned was freedom and truth, both so powerful and enlightening, that to keep them both imprisoned once more was not possible. This truth burst out seeking day light right into open, and despite the huge painful disappointment in the hands of a photographer, i felt accomplished and aligned with the universe once again.

So, even though tears were shed, and pain left its mark, this story was way positive, and I am again on the proper path of truth and love.

Besides, taking under consideration modeling, there is not much one can really hide, some shoots require pretty skimpy cloth and I am still awaiting my final surgery, and so my truth this way or through embarrassing reveal would have come out, as I believe everyone here knows of truths impeccable record for always surfacing in the most uncomfortable circumstances, lol


EVERYTHING 4 a REASON!

[NCAmazon]

Question? Did you look at it from a overall perspective of the kind of boat the photographer might be in? He might have to deal with clients who will give judgment or blacklist him for photo shooting a transgender woman. So he probably felt that pressure. Obviously his main concern is photographing to make $$$$. He is not an advocate for the TG community.

So if doing the shoot could hurt his potential $$$ he will skip out in a heartbeat. On the other hand if the idea of shooting a transgender woman would bring him more $$$ he would be rushing you over asap. But good chance that your transgender status will be unique and bring more $$$ to a potential photographer.

[Inna]

Question? Did you look at it from a overall perspective of the kind of boat the photographer might be in? He might have to deal with clients who will give judgment or blacklist him for photo shooting a transgender woman. So he probably felt that pressure. Obviously his main concern is photographing to make $$$$. He is not an advocate for the TG community.

So if doing the shoot could hurt his potential $$$ he will skip out in a heartbeat. On the other hand if the idea of shooting a transgender woman would bring him more $$$ he would be rushing you over asap. But good chance that your transgender status will be unique and bring more $$$ to a potential photographer.

Exactly, during our conversation we talked about the ramifications of any stigma attached to the commercial product, which my pictures then become a "commercial product" and so my understanding of action taken is absolutely on the understanding side of things. What hurts is the lost chance to do what I have dreamed impossible and it became a reality which then in turn I had an ultimate choice in being part of reality yet be false to my instinct, or allow my absolute truth to surface and potentially loose everything once more. As you see I have chosen the harder rout, and through tears yet again I came out, being my self to the core!

So in the essence, yes, the world is a strange place of compliance and deceit, but we are solely the once who can change this reality and make it a beautiful and true, even though it takes pain and tears to do it!

[Stephanie Michelle]

Inna,

What a tough decision to let the photographer know up front. I can see your point to bring it out at the beginning. Hopefully next time the photographer will see the beauty in you and not worry about anything else that really doesn't affect the job. Good luck and best wishes on future jobs.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm SO PROUD of u, Inna! Because the ultimate truth is to YOURSELF!

It's up to u to tell or not. Then, you'll have no control over other's reactions. MOST PEOPLE will respect u for being honest. In any case, you should be treated nicer and be happier if you're being WHO U REALLY R!

[melissaK]

Maybe it was a "Crying Game" moment for him? ;^)

Hugs,
'lissa

[KellyJameson]

"So in the essence, yes, the world is a strange place of compliance and deceit, but we are solely the once who can change this reality and make it a beautiful and true, even though it takes pain and tears to do it! "

This is the cornerstone to good mental health in my opinion.

What good will it do us to change our bodies so we do not live falsely if we become trapped by our own lack of conviction, we leave one prison but still remain imprisoned.

In my opinion you showed excellant judgement because you chose the greater good by risking the loss of working with the photographer to not lose your integrity and in turn you gained in courage (inner strength) and wisdom (relational understanding).

What we do with ourselves in relation to others is what shapes our mental health, there is no escaping this fact.

[kellycan27]

"So in the essence, yes, the world is a strange place of compliance and deceit, but we are solely the once who can change this reality and make it a beautiful and true, even though it takes pain and tears to do it! "

This is the cornerstone to good mental health in my opinion.

What good will it do us to change our bodies so we do not live falsely if we become trapped by our own lack of conviction, we leave one prison but still remain imprisoned.

In my opinion you showed excellant judgement because you chose the greater good by risking the loss of working with the photographer to not lose your integrity and in turn you gained in courage (inner strength) and wisdom (relational understanding).

What we do with ourselves in relation to others is what shapes our mental health, there is no escaping this fact.

Actually... I think that the act of disclosing is what would keep one in prison where one will remain as long as they see themselves as a transsexual rather than a woman. The greater good... for who? Integrity.... I don't get this point at all.. Was she asked a question that she lied about? In your opinion is Inna living a lie or that her claiming to be a woman is a lie? I guess it boils down to living one's life as a woman or being out and proud wearing a sign around your neck. if one wishes to be a flag waver, one must be prepared for the consequences. If one wants to live as a woman IMHO as well as a lot of others who have transitioned, the best rule of thumb is to Keep your mouth shut! I am really sorry that this happened to the OP. Hopefully it is a lesson learned.

Kel

[LeaP]

Question? Did you look at it from a overall perspective of the kind of boat the photographer might be in? He might have to deal with clients who will give judgment or blacklist him for photo shooting a transgender woman. So he probably felt that pressure. Obviously his main concern is photographing to make $$$$. He is not an advocate for the TG community.

So if doing the shoot could hurt his potential $$$ he will skip out in a heartbeat. On the other hand if the idea of shooting a transgender woman would bring him more $$$ he would be rushing you over asap. But good chance that your transgender status will be unique and bring more $$$ to a potential photographer.

All of which is just more detail on the "I have no problem with it...BUT" syndrome that Kaitlyn described so well. The fact is that the photographer didn't have courage in his own, explicitly-stated conviction. Or perhaps he lied or was pandering.

[Kathryn Martin]

And to all the NORMAL people out there:

I am so sorry that you had been dealt normalcy as a lifestyle, no one is perfect!

What happened to you, Inna, is unfortunate, hurtful and has caused you a lot of pain. For that I want to embrace you and tell it get's better.

There is an underlying issue though which I think needs to be addressed. You were born with a birth defect of having re-productive organs that did not belong to you, they do not match your gender. You have over years taken steps forward to overcome this birth defect, including most recently FFS which has made you a stunningly beautiful woman. You are one surgery away from being entirely congruent between body and soul.

You call yourself a GtG, a genetic trans girl, emphasizing your defect not your being whole. When will the day come that you will just be a girl, a woman? When will being trans fade into the past of your biography? When will you be just you?

It is common knowledge that there exists among human beings often a need to emphasize the not genuine. The gold plated watch if admired by someone else becomes the "but it's not really gold" watch. The woman who feels she needs to confess that she is using aids to explain her beautifully formed breasts to an admirer, the man who tells his friend that the car he just bought "is used". And finally, the woman who cannot help but admit she is less than she appears because she once was transsexual. When you get to the bottom of it, it seems to me that it diminishes the response by the next person noticing, admiring, wanting desiring her. In a sense, she expresses that she is not worthy of the intention, the intensity with which she is admired, wanted, desired. It's like saying, "you're very nice in doing this, but I am not quite what you think". But it is the de-valuation of self that comes from us not the world. When will you be enough?

I am just 6 weeks post-op but this question is very strong in my mind at this time. By my own definition I have achieved congruence, I am indistinguishable from any other woman on this planet, flaws, beauty and all. But I am deserving of admiration for my legs, wanting my competence and professionalism and desire of my body, mind and soul. My history as a transsexual is just that, history. My reality is that I am a woman, very attractive as a human being and a woman to some not so much for others, like everyone else. I have never told anyone that at age 9 I had kidney stones, or severe juvenile asthma between 7 and 15. It's not what defines me as a person. My history while the foundation on which I am as a human being, is no longer of importance, but who I am this very moment is.

This is why post-ops vanish, submerge into the stream of life and do not talk about who they were, but who they are. When will you be enough for your self?

[Nicole Erin]

OK, just to say this -
Suppose not disclosing one's TS status is "fibbing". So what? People "fib" all the time to get jobs. Embellished resumes, BS about experience, and fast-talk.
Unless you are pre-op and would have been asked to do a nude shoot, they never would have known. Or if they did, they probably would not have asked. Even if it was asked, you could lie about it.

Inna, here is the thing - you are passable enough that you don't really have to worry much about people figuring out your TS status.

One thing about threads like this that confirm something I thought all along -
To the "normal" folks, we are TS whether we "pass" or not. Whether we look like cinderella or cinder-fella, the public takes it the same way, "Oh someone who is not a "real" woman.

Living as a woman requires a lot of lieing. You cannot be a nice guy. Nice guys finish last.

Suppose it came to light that you were TS at some point. OK, worst case scenario - possible law suit. Best case scenario - you would have had work until a younger, prettier model came along. I would wager it never would have come to light.

Kelly said about "keep your mouth shut" and holy hell, her and a certain roller-derby woman agree on something :D But it really is true - part of living as a woman requires one to not talk about it. Even if people "just know" cause one doesn't pass well enough, talking does nothing more than remove any doubt. Some at work have figured me out, I am sure it was hot gossip at first but I will never confirm their suspicions.

EDIT - I was wrong about one thing - there is a time when it is acceptable to discuss TS status at work - that is when you are transitioning at your present job. If they knew Bill all this time then they will start seeing Betty, well then some explanation and educating is in order but if you go to a job AS a woman and it is all they know, no need to talk

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I'm with Kelly and Nicole Erin - I dont think its anyone's business but yours what you have in the way of intimate parts - unless you're doing nude shots, its not an issue. You are, in every way but the final op a woman - live the life, be that woman and to hell with the insensitive plank that felt the need to gloss over his prejudices by passing them on to his crew.

[Inna]

I so hear you girls, BUT.........I spoke out because I would be working on the project which involves lot of people and a commercial product. If for any reason my transness would have come to light and money invested into the whole production were in large amounts, such could cause others their livelihood.
I do admit that most definitely having SRS would have given me that much more confidence, as I would be indistinguishable from a GG.

But on the other side of an argument, Lea T a super model, is open about her transness and world seems to love her.

I think that my story is a story of a reveal as a test, as a form of finding out who I am working with, and if these people can not see through the thick ghastly wall of ignorance, then they are not worthy of my time. Because in the perfect world who I am is just as many of you already said, living, breathing, loving woman with desire to embrace truth and goodness in every single human being along her way!

[ReineD]

But on the other side of an argument, Lea T a super model, is open about her transness and world seems to love her.

You might well still find your niche, and if you do, it will be people like you, Lea T, Jenna Talackova, Andrej Pejic, and others who will help teach the world that transsexuals are not the drag queens that everyone sees in gay pride parades.

It would be nice if the world were already there in terms of understanding and acceptance. But, it is a process and already there is great progress since even a generation ago. Who would have dreamed even 10 years ago there would be a transwoman legitimately participating in a Miss Universe pageant? (as much as I don't personally like these pageants, it is still good to see acceptance that is widespread enough for Jenna to participate). :)

[kellycan27]

You might well still find your niche, and if you do, it will be people like you, Lea T, Jenna Talackova, Andrej Pejic, and others who will help teach the world that transsexuals are not the drag queens that everyone sees in gay pride parades.

It would be nice if the world were already there in terms of understanding and acceptance. But, it is a process and already there is great progress since even a generation ago. Who would have dreamed even 10 years ago there would be a transwoman legitimately participating in a Miss Universe pageant? (as much as I don't personally like these pageants, it is still good to see acceptance that is widespread enough for Jenna to participate). :)

The people who you mentioned are an exception.. and not anywhere near the rule. People's acceptance of Beautiful TS models may be great for those beautiful people, but IMO it's not going to have much acceptance value for the not so pretty or average TS. people can look at a beautiful TS model and think.. wow... she really does look like a girl, so it's not to much of a stretch for them to say.. I can see that. I don't think that they are looking any further than her physical attributes. here again and this is just my opinion... If we as transsexuals see this as some sort of boon for the transgendered.. we might be deluding ourselves. If you think that a TS being able to participate in a beauty pageant is acceptance.. Try asking those same accepting people if they would want their son to marry or date her. To me.. this type of acceptance is superficial, and has only to do with looks and not the person.

[ReineD]

The people who you mentioned are an exception.. and not anywhere near the rule. People's acceptance of Beautiful TS models may be great for those beautiful people,

I know we're not there yet. But .... it's a start? It's better than a generation ago with it was still all a freak show?

[TxKimberly]

I wish that I knew what to say. . .
:hugs:

[Pink Person]

I applaud your honesty, Inna. You were a victim of prejudice, unfortunately. I don't think we should blame the victim in these situations.

Trans people aren't defective, with or without surgery to ameliorate their condition. If you want to avoid the personal pain of prejudice then hiding your trans status might work for you. However, hiding the truth from people won't make you any less trans.

[kellycan27]

I know we're not there yet. But .... it's a start? It's better than a generation ago with it was still all a freak show?

Really is it a start? Is acceptance on a superficial level, based on looks really acceptance? Sorry, but I don't agree with the " it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick" argument. Acceptance based on looks is exclusionary and in my opinion does nothing to advance anyone but the elite.. How many of them are roaming the planet?

[ReineD]

OK! Sorry to have offended you.

[Kathryn Martin]

I find this comment truly offensive, it evinces a complete ignorance of the transsexual condition.


I applaud your honesty, Inna. You were a victim of prejudice, unfortunately. I don't think we should blame the victim in these situations.

Trans people aren't defective, with or without surgery to ameliorate their condition. If you want to avoid the personal pain of prejudice then hiding your trans status might work for you. However, hiding the truth from people won't make you any less trans.

[kellycan27]

OK! Sorry to have offended you.


You didn't offend me.. just giving my opinion..... as always:heehee:

[Badtranny]

Inna doll, I've been thinking about this a little bit and as much as I like some of the "keep your mouth shut" crowd, I have a problem with that whole concept as blanket advice.

We've corresponded a bit including phone conversations back when I was asking about your FFS and whatnot, so you know I'm for real. There's a few girls on this very board who I know personally, and a few of them have become valued friends. They know that I am real and for better or worse, I am everything I say I am.

I am early in my transition and I am literally surrounded by people who knew me when my name was Bill. Well, to be honest, my name won't be legally changed until July 12th so my name is Melissa as long as you don't check my wallet. Our circumstances are fairly similar only because we transitioned later in life so there is literally no escape from our past. It isn't even our past yet. What you said about no more dishonesty really touched me. I feel the same way, for the same reason. When I spent 40+ years of my life being completely dishonest with myself and every single person I ever met, then coming out was more than just the freedom to be me. It was the freedom to stop lying to everybody. I don't think most people can understand how awful it is to spend every waking moment pretending you are something you're not. I swore to myself one night that I would never lie about who I was again. I made the decision to not be ashamed of what I was, and no matter the consequence I will not lie or be ashamed for another moment for as long as I live.

Those that say "keep your mouth shut" (why does that phrasing irk me so?) are not taking into account the pain that comes along with doing that. Not for everybody obviously, but certainly for me, and apparently for you as well. It would hurt my heart to have to go back to pretending, and I would not be able to respect myself for taking the easy way out instead of standing up for who I am. I'm sure there are those who disagree (what am I psychic?) but that's life, and my life is complicated and bizarre, but it beats the hell out of living in the shadows. I have tasted freedom, and it is tasty indeed.

You did the right thing Inna, because it's what your heart wanted you to do.

[kellycan27]

Inna doll, I've been thinking about this a little bit and as much as I like some of the "keep your mouth shut" crowd, I have a problem with that whole concept as blanket advice.

We've corresponded a bit including phone conversations back when I was asking about your FFS and whatnot, so you know I'm for real. There's a few girls on this very board who I know personally, and a few of them have become valued friends. They know that I am real and for better or worse, I am everything I say I am.

I am early in my transition and I am literally surrounded by people who knew me when my name was Bill. Well, to be honest, my name won't be legally changed until July 12th so my name is Melissa as long as you don't check my wallet. Our circumstances are fairly similar only because we transitioned later in life so there is literally no escape from our past. It isn't even our past yet. What you said about no more dishonesty really touched me. I feel the same way, for the same reason. When I spent 40+ years of my life being completely dishonest with myself and every single person I ever met, then coming out was more than just the freedom to be me. It was the freedom to stop lying to everybody. I don't think most people can understand how awful it is to spend every waking moment pretending you are something you're not. I swore to myself one night that I would never lie about who I was again. I made the decision to not be ashamed of what I was, and no matter the consequence I will not lie or be ashamed for another moment for as long as I live.

Those that say "keep your mouth shut" (why does that phrasing irk me so?) are not taking into account the pain that comes along with doing that. Not for everybody obviously, but certainly for me, and apparently for you as well. It would hurt my heart to have to go back to pretending, and I would not be able to respect myself for taking the easy way out instead of standing up for who I am. I'm sure there are those who disagree (what am I psychic?) but that's life, and my life is complicated and bizarre, but it beats the hell out of living in the shadows. I have tasted freedom, and it is tasty indeed.

You did the right thing Inna, because it's what your heart wanted you to do.

I don't think that anyone would disagree with you if you want to shout it from the mountain tops. What I am saying is that if one doesn't want to have everyone and their brother to know, then it might be best to keep one's mouth shut. Bad news travels fast.
Might those who say.. screw it... just "shout it to the world" not be taking into account the pain that may come along with doing that? Inna got a taste of it already, and apparently she was none too pleased about it.

[Aprilrain]

Inna, sorry about the fantastic disappointment. I can imagine how that feels. I'm of the, "keep your mouth shut camp" however I can understand why a person would not want to hide a big part of their past, it does feel like lying sometimes. I have had many occasions so far where the circumstances dictated that someone know of my past if for no other reason than I will necessarily be discussing my past with them. I don't think I would have disclosed in this instance though. You have just as much right to work as anyone else and if you are qualified (in this case pretty enough, which you are!) than what business is it of theirs what your medical history is? you said you were concerned that it might come out and effect others, that is admirable but it would only effect them if they chose to let it effect them ie. by being bigoted and deciding that the whole shoot was a waste because you may or may not have or have had a penis. See what im getting at here? its their ****ing problem girlfriend!

[TxKimberly]

There are no easy answers - sigh . . .

In this particular case, Inna might well have been right and had little choice. I've never been involved with modeling and so can only guess, but I'd suspect that it might be impossible to hide some things if you have not had SRS (I dont know if Inna has or not). From odds and ends I've seen on TV and movies, it can get quite intimate when changing and prepping. So in this case, there may have been little choice but to admit it up front.
For the most part though, I dont see that it is anyone's business how you were born and wouldn't feel the slightest bit of need to share that with anyone in a professional or career setting.
Just as an aside, judging by Andrej Pejic's (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Andrej-Pejic-International-Support/132261576842365) success, being TS doesn't have to be a show stopper. It clearly hasn't hurt her career!

[Jorja]

Here is the other side of the coin. Once you say you are Trans anything, you will be known from then on as (in this case) a transsexual. What happens when you do have your SRS and you only want to be known as a woman? What do you tell these photographers or anyone else you have told then? Sorry, the information is already out there.

I still say keeping quiet unless asked is the way to go.

[ColleenA]

Inna, there is a big issue in all of this that I don't see anyone else addressing. (Pardon me while I put on my schoolteaching nun's habit and get out a ruler.)

Many here have focused on the photographer. I cannot excuse how he responded, but before any part of his bad reaction occurred, you blew it! You set up the situation, but then allowed it to become something bad.


... And more and more we conversed, the more I felt I needed to share my truth.

You state that you initiated the topic of your past. Whether you "ought" to be upfront about your history (which you justify with worthy motives) has already been argued throughout the thread. I have little, if anything, to add to that other than agreeing with certain views.

Then, however, you go on to relate how you handled the topic quite poorly. By not being direct, but instead making him guess at what it could be, you cast it as something to be ashamed of and you put yourself on the defensive.


You can only imagine how hard this particular forthcoming was for me. He asked what was the uniqueness I mentioned

... I steered away from a direct answer, he pointed "Did you do sex work.....?", "NO, no, nothing like that....."

... "You definitely are not making this easy for me........You are surely NOT one of those SEX Change people", my heart skipped the beat, blood grew cold, and all the fears became real!

Just the way he put it, as though this dreadful most atrocious of incidences and I was the leper, the sickened deviant of deviants.

"YES" I tossed out of my now numb lips, "I am"

First, as Jorja said, you made "suggestions that you ... have a deep dark secret." The photographer did not make you "the leper, the sickened deviant of deviants." You did that on your own by being embarrassed to talk about it directly!

Then, apparently, you were uncomfortable and/or unsure how to describe yourself, so you left it to him - and he used those dreaded words "sex change." You are the one who should have chosen the words. "Gender reassignment," "transition," "correcting a mistake" - I expect any of those would be preferable to "sex change."

Since you wanted to bring up the matter, you should have taken charge of the discussion. You could have made it positive ("My life is finally on its proper track.") or made it a non-issue ("That's my past. It really doesn't change that I am a woman."). You could have made it instructive ("This is probably something you haven't had much exposure to, so I'd be willing to answer questions for you.")

Or you might have made it his issue, putting him on the defensive ("I'm letting you know, but I don't think it's an issue. Do you have a problem with me?").

But you hadn't prepared yourself for any of those possibilities, I think because you made the decision to tell him mostly on the fly, with a feeble hope that it maybe would work out ok.

So instead, you gave up control over the whole discussion, let his description make you feel dirty, and cemented in his mind that you are something less than human.

I know I have been harsh, but I think there are ways you could have kept this from turning into such a negative.

[Badtranny]

Might those who say.. screw it... just "shout it to the world" not be taking into account the pain that may come along with doing that?

lol, I didn't exactly say shout it to the world.

I have experienced quite recently for the first time, the choice to pretend or to be authentic and in the end, I just couldn't hide anymore. For me it's an important distinction and I don't want to get myself into a situation where I have a "big secret" again. I am not saying one should advertise themselves as trans but some of us live in the same environment we lived in as men. What are we to do about last year? People know, and anybody we meet who doesn't surely knows someone who does.

[Krististeph]

I'm sorry Inna, this idiot evidently has the IQ of a fine grained Kodachrome film.


<<You are surely NOT one of those SEX Change people?...>>

Hey buddy, you for got the time change- set your watch ahead 50 years...

What jack-wad. This moron actually considers himself a photographer or photostylist? Bet you he tries to pick of chicks in bars by telling them he has a Camaro...

Get with the millennium already... Sheesh!

This guy sounds like a male version of a Vicky Pollard... "Like I can't handle it..."

Don't let this one fool get you down Inna, there are TONS of great photographers who not only are used to working with CD but actually have fun in doing so- we had one guy who brought in film (this was back in the 80's), the test frames and or last few frames of model shoots would usually be of his stylist hamming it up with the models- definately crossdressed looking- actually quite professional and appropriate for a makeup artist/styling assistant. And this back in the 80's. I wish I had had the guts to do that.

[Aprilrain]

I am not saying one should advertise themselves as trans but some of us live in the same environment we lived in as men. What are we to do about last year? People know, and anybody we meet who doesn't surely knows someone who does.

this is my reality (sigh)

[Inna]

Thanks again for a fruitful, handful responses!

I did what I did out of the conviction to truth! I in fact am a woman, but if I keep on promoting my GGness despite my internal knowledge of my recent past, all I am doing is hiding again......"Never Again" shall I hide!!!!

I am taking the harder, much harder road, but through this struggle, I am becoming aware of the fact that, to run away, to keep a secret, to tell tales is just conforming to their demands once more!

Do I want to live this live for THEM, did I do everything for THEM, did I experience pain for THEM, the answer is clear, I DID IT FOR ME! So that I feel whole, no more pretending, no more shadows, I AM WHO I AM!

I want to go to the shoot knowing I will be taken as ME, not a pretty clothes hanger and God forbid, one that used to have penis, but woman who had endured in the face of adversity and arrived whole and true.

I am a woman, but I am a woman with transsexual past, as much as I was a boy once, not from my own choosing but natures cruel dealings.

Now after the initial pain has subsided, I am proud of my strength to go against the need to lie low and bend to the pressure of those who demand my surrender.
I am way more desirable than just my skin, I have the wisdom of the traveler who had voyaged across the planes of gender, fought dragons and fire with sword made of truth and shield of love, and arrived into the kingdom of SELF.

I have nothing to hide!

[Carole Cross]

I don't really see the need to hide who you are, most people don't really care about it anymore and those that do are not really worth bothering with. I recently come out to a group of people who I was playing an online game with, most of them from the UK and US and not one of them has said anything negative to me. I now have one of them as a friend on facebook and another has promised to come and visit me when I am in London after my surgery. I will never lie to anyone about who I am but I will not tell them unless I feel it is important that they need to know.

There are many transsexual models who are open about their status: http://izismile.com/2012/01/14/famous_transgender_models_10_pics.html

[Stephenie S]

Actually... I think that the act of disclosing is what would keep one in prison where one will remain as long as they see themselves as a transsexual rather than a woman. The greater good... for who? Integrity.... I don't get this point at all.. Was she asked a question that she lied about? In your opinion is Inna living a lie or that her claiming to be a woman is a lie? I guess it boils down to living one's life as a woman or being out and proud wearing a sign around your neck. if one wishes to be a flag waver, one must be prepared for the consequences. If one wants to live as a woman IMHO as well as a lot of others who have transitioned, the best rule of thumb is to Keep your mouth shut! I am really sorry that this happened to the OP. Hopefully it is a lesson learned.

Kel

I agree two or three hundred percent.

For goodness sake, Inna! Why did you say anything at all??

This gentleman wanted to photograph you. I can only assume he had seen your photo. Why did you open your mouth?

Stephie

(posted before I read your response, Inna. I certainly believe you have a right to your point of view)

S

[Michelle.M]

This is the sort of post that elicits a flood of well-meant wishes of support and sympathy, and that's great! That's one of the benefits of being invested in this particular web neighborhood, right?

I just want to sit you down and give you a bit of professional advice. First, my credentials.

I am currently a semi-pro photographer (meaning I only do the occasional job that strikes my fancy or is too profitable for me to turn down). It's a sideline, but I do have a professionally equipped studio in my home that gets a reasonable amount of use.

I began my photography career not years but decades ago. I've got 37 years of professional experience, much of that specializing in fashion and glamour photography. Not to brag, but I'm d@mned good at it. My very first assignment, while I was still in high school, was a fashion shoot for a local department store (this was before the days of huge national chains, so this would have been our Macy's). I shot my first female nude when I was 17.

I have had more models in front of my camera than I can count, and I have done fashion and glamour shoots with models wearing everything from elegant formal wear all the way down to nothing more than a few mere wisps of chiffon that were so sheer you could read the newspaper through them. And nudes. Tons of nudes.

When I am selecting models for a particular project I am looking for the specific physical attributes that I need for the effect I am trying to produce. Heavy tattoos are OK if that's what the scene calls for, or none at all if necessary. Piercings that can be removed. A certain hairstyle or hair color. A certain ethnic look. Whatever.

If I'm doing a revealing shoot I obviously need to know a little more about what's under the model's clothing than I would otherwise. The degree to which I need to know that information depends on the amount of skin to be seen. I would estimate that a full 95% of the models I have shot (and remember, there have been HUNDREDS) have never had to tell me anything about their bodies beyond what I could see in their portfolio photos.


I want to go to the shoot knowing I will be taken as ME, not a pretty clothes hanger

Sweetie, reality check! That's what models are! We hire models to MODEL the clothing we're trying to sell. It's not about you, it's about commerce.

Were you doing a nude shoot? If so, you were right to reveal your status. But even a bikini or lingerie shoot might not have needed disclosure. I go to get spray tans and stand within arm's length of a genetic girl while I'm wearing nothing but bikini undies without any issues whatsoever. I go to the pool in a bikini bathing suit. And yes, I am pre-op, and I do not reveal my status.

Were you doing a nude shoot? If not, then you created a problem where none had existed and made the photographer consider the possibility of having to deal with client prejudices that may or may not even exist. But this is his livelihood, and you gave him a reason to mitigate risk just to preserve his paycheck. I can't blame him.


I have nothing to hide!

It's not about hiding. It's about having the freedom to live the life you want to live and to pursue the things that you're capable of doing. I'm not a transgender photographer. I'm a photographer who happens to be transgender (as if that even mattered).

Stop revealing your status uneccessarily. Stop that right now. Life has too many good things to offer you for you to sabotage them for no good reason.

[Inna]

Thanks!!!! I love you all, I am here, I am who you know me to be, I am your sister, I am disclosed, I am true, I am pain, I am joy!

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-nWwORqTKX40/T-S-XSCsiUI/AAAAAAAAGWQ/l1KdNV_Nf7U/s640/390883_344677188879750_246184327_n.jpg

[kellycan27]

lol, I didn't exactly say shout it to the world.

I have experienced quite recently for the first time, the choice to pretend or to be authentic and in the end, I just couldn't hide anymore. For me it's an important distinction and I don't want to get myself into a situation where I have a "big secret" again. I am not saying one should advertise themselves as trans but some of us live in the same environment we lived in as men. What are we to do about last year? People know, and anybody we meet who doesn't surely knows someone who does.

ok...so I embellished a little :heehee:

[Badtranny]

ok...so I embellished a little :heehee:

No sweat gorgeous, embellishing is my stock and trade around here. ;-)

[kellycan27]

No sweat gorgeous, embellishing is my stock and trade around here. ;-)


So are you saying that you wouldn't deny it if asked, but wouldn't go around broadcasting it to strangers?

[TxKimberly]

Thanks!!!! I love you all, I am here, I am who you know me to be, I am your sister, I am disclosed, I am true, I am pain, I am joy!

https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-nWwORqTKX40/T-S-XSCsiUI/AAAAAAAAGWQ/l1KdNV_Nf7U/s640/390883_344677188879750_246184327_n.jpg


Holy smokes! If that photo is you, I can sure see why he is interested in having you as a model. . .

[Traci Elizabeth]

I too feel for you. But the best thing you can do is to move on and put that guy behind you. Do you feel you have to tell anyone you are a TS woman? I don't tell anyone and that works for me but we are all different.

[Inna]

Holy smokes! If that photo is you, I can sure see why he is interested in having you as a model. . .

sorry Kim to disappoint, I have posted this pic to illustrate that being your self, even Transsexual self, can be appreciated, she is Lea T, worlds first openly trans super model, and yes that cover is REAL!

[Badtranny]

So are you saying that you wouldn't deny it if asked, but wouldn't go around broadcasting it to strangers?

Why yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. ...for the moment. ;-)

I am not ashamed to be TS and I even have a link to the Transgender Professional Network on my Linked-In page. There are literally hundreds of people who I've done business with or had some professional connection to over the last 20 years or so and they all know or will know that Bill is now Melissa. There is no hiding from my past as long as I work in this industry. I have never said that it wouldn't be nice to live in stealth and have only a select few know about my past but that isn't my circumstance. I deal with people (vendors, clients and employees) all over the state of California so I will always encounter people who knew me "way back when". Like I've said before, maybe this will be in my past someday, but today it is in my right now and I can only look forward to the the passage of time. Look forward to when this transition, and the slow healing, and the awkward looks, and the constant brave face are behind me. When I will no longer be transitioning, but just living.

No, I don't broadcast my past to strangers, but there are so many who are doing it for me. What am I to do? Cry? Hide? Be angry? I choose pride. Not proud to be born TS, but proud that I have the courage to be who I am. Finally.

[AllieSF]

Well said Melissa. You are doing what you have to do based on where you are at and what you have to deal with. No one can argue successfully against that. I can only hope that I could have the character that you show as you move forward.

[EnglishRose]

I too feel for you. But the best thing you can do is to move on and put that guy behind you. Do you feel you have to tell anyone you are a TS woman? I don't tell anyone and that works for me but we are all different.

I had occasion recently to tell someone, but that was only because I wanted to talk to them without them freaking out, and my voice isn't quite there yet. However if I was satisfied with my voice, I wouldn't have said anything either. Just because you don't tell somebody about your transition or, post that, trans history, doesn't mean you don't own it. Cut yourself a break.