Things I realize

[ReginaWelch]

This may be easier to say on a forum where I am somewhat anonymous. I have been with my wife, between dating and marriage, for 32 years. Most of those have been good. But the last few years have been really hard. Now, let me say, she cares about me. She deals with my dressing, my buying of clothes, everything, very well. A lot of the time, we get along well. But I also know, she has another guy she is is in love with. She sees all the time. There have been things that have gone on. My entire life is somewhat in balance here. I am not sure where things will end up, I really don't. We have talked, but It's a complicated situation right now.

Why do I bring this up, you may wonder. Because I have noticed a trend. The higher the stress level, the more the desire and need to dress. Somehow, I find the whole thing calming. Dressing, even the little things, seems to help me deal with all the stress. My marriage, my cancer last year, my losing my sight. I have stress hand over fist. Somehow, the more stress I get, the higher the desire to dress. Not sure why, but it's a trigger.

Has anyone ever noticed the same? That things in your life bring out the need for this? That this makes it better somehow?

I love my wife, and I know she cares about me. I have never doubted that. But I wonder if that's enough anymore. And I don't know how to deal.

[ME2.0]

I understand you. I was a loner in school (always bullied) had an over bearing mother, and saw therapists from age 9-17. At age 21 I tried to kill myself and wound up admitted to a psych ward for 2 weeks. I learned alot there. When I got out, somehow I developed an interest in crossdressing as a form of "escape". When I get tired of being me and need a break, I can be Staci for a couple hours. There's nothing wrong with retreating to a different persona when you need a break as long as you realize that "Staci" is just a break. I haven't seen any help in over 20 years. I'm happily married to a woman that understands why I dress and even supports it. I've recently become a father and have never been happier.

You've been through alot, but you know, when you get a couple years from it, you'll realize that those things made you the person that you are. If you ever self doubt, you'll find the answer inside of you. Earlier in my life, I was so busy listening to all the negative things that other people said to me, that I wasn't listening to what I wanted me to know. You sound like an amazing person to me. Someone that has been through it all and managed to keep themself together better than I did.

I absolutely dress for stress relief. If it works for you, I'm happy that you found that and not some of the more destructive things that people do for stress relief.

Take the time to listen to yourself. You'll hear some great advice.

Hugs,
Staci

[Eryn]

I think that there is a definite connection between stress and desire to dress. For me, when I am dressed, the myriad things I normally worry about move to the background. For a short time I can be someone better than my drab self.

[Foxglove]

I don't know that stress is a factor with me. I like to dress any time, all the time. But if it helps you, by all means, do it. You've been having a rough ride lately. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Stephanie Michelle]

I dress for many reasons, and stress is one of them. It has a calming effect that nothing else can do for me. If that is what helps you by all means do it. Its a cheap form of relaxation. Well maybe no cheap for everyone. lol Hope you find a way that both you and your wife can work things out.

[suchacutie]

For me stress is an issue, but it's in the opposite direction: I cannot submit Tina to the stress generated by my male self! Tina has acted as a need to deal with the basis of the stress, remove it (or at least corale it) and then Tina is free to be herself. This may be a function of my serious separation of genders, but it's been very effective and positive in dealing with stress in general!

[outhiking]

I tend to dress less when stressed, but don't know why.

[JamieG]

Regina, sorry to hear things are so hard for you as of late.

Yes, stress certainly seems to amp up my need to dress, but it's not the only trigger. I don't know if it's something akin to seeking solace in comfort food, or if there is something more complex at work.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Regina, your wife should be ashamed of herself! Not only is she cheating on you because you dress, but she is cheating on someone who has just gone blind and been through a bout of cancer too (and her adultery and the stress it causes cannot be good for your health!) If it was a male doing this to his wife, everyone would tear him to pieces (and rightfully so.)

ME2.0, I had a similar upbringing (bullying the whole time I was in school, a nothing-but-well-meaning but overbearing mother I clung to for a good part of my life, depression etc.) Of course in my case, my old man didn't think it was worth spending the money to provide me with the care I needed for my depression and other health issues. He figured I was "not worth repairing" and he would just "throw me out" if I stopped "working" (I suppose from a purely financial viewpoint, a $895 local cremation is much, much cheaper than years of therapy...) I am glad you got yourself together when you were young, I lost most of the prime years of my life to depression and other health problems.

[ronda]

Regina one thing i have learned is that" if you love something let it go if it comes back to you it is your if it does not it never was". you have been through a lot and you are still standing the fact that your wife is still there says she still cares it just might be her way of letting go of the stress just as yours is and mine are dressing one does not compair to the other but she is also afraid that she will loose you to health problems hope it all works out good for you Hugs Ronda