Want to tell my wife

[Rhonda948]

__________________________________________________ ________________________________

[janet54]

Just go slow don't push it unless you can have a heart to heart talk with her. All the best. Jan

[Jolene Robertson]

I always dressed a little Fem, finally my wife asked me and I answered truthfully. Wish I had been more up front with her from the beginning. We are now best friends all the time and do not keep anything from each other. I find we communicate better now that it is in the open for both of us, she even helps. I am 56 and only regret all the years I spent in hiding. But that was how it worked for me.

[Heather Daniels]

Or........ she could be waiting for you to tell her? You're 50ish, probably married for 20-25-30 yrs. Think about it.

[Jolene Robertson]

Yes she is, I do not go out in public around where I live because of family that does not know but I dress most of the time at home now. We go shopping for her and Jolene together, and she critiques my dress an lot ( I like having a womans prospective ) so many little details that I never thought of. Like I said we are best girl friends as well as lovers now, She is great I wish everyone on here had someone like her. It has realy opened up a new level of communication for us.
Good luck, keep us posted.

[Heather Daniels]

Rhonda, thats what we all think. I'm just sayin.....................

[Jacqueline Winona]

Just be careful, Rhonda- thee are so many stories here (check out the loved ones section as well) about spouses who don't react the way you want when you speak. Think this through for a long time and use your best judgment. As a neutral observor, I would interpret her comments and actions as being really uncomfrotable with the topic. But I don't know here like you do, nor does anyone else, so it's really your call and yours alone.

[Heather Daniels]

EDIT - This is ReineD : I goofed and merged several of Rhonda's consecutive posts with one of Heather Daniel's posts by mistake. I can't undo it, so I'll just specify in this post who said what, in chronological order. Sorry you two. And Rhonda, please stop multiposting (posting several posts in quick successsion) ... you can type everything you want to say to several people all in one post. :)


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Originally posted by Rhonda948: Jolene, I envy you.
Heather, I really don't think she knows.

Originally posted by Rhonda948:Well, that's the thing, Janice. I would have expected her comments to display much more discomfort with the topic than they actually seem to display. I'm surprised and a little perplexed.

Originally posted by Heather Daniels:OK Rhonda, you would know better than me. Take this slowly and THINK very deeply before you act. Best of luck.

Originally posted by Rhonda948:Thanks, Heather. And thanks to all for your comments. I may try to nail polish path and see what happens. I'm dreaming about her painting them. One thing could lead to another?

[BobbieBrooks]

How about when the next time she has her nails done you go along and treat her and yourself to a mani and pedi. Have toes to match each other but on your finger nails do clear. My wife and I do this and my toes can be covered when they are bright red!! And no one notices the clear on my finger nails. I tell the salon that when our toes match we know who we belong too!!! Really it is no big deal doing this. Make it YOUR treat then maybe a dinner after and talk about the day at the nail salon and such other things. There is a good thread here that would give you direction on what to say. One of the wiser girls here could help with the post. Best wishes.

BobbieB

[Jolene Robertson]

Rhonda
With all that I've said it took me several years to get here. My situation was a lot like yours sounds, I was not willing to jeopardize my marriage. My wife would make little comments and it took time to get here. It just finally got to the point that she just came out and asked me how far I'd like to go with my dressing and I came clean and told her that it was something that I had always wanted to do and did to some extent in private. So I think you are doing OK just play along with her where she makes a comment and see how far she wants to take it. My wife always responds better on something like the nail polish thing if I ask her opinion on the color.
Be carefully a good relationship is a precious thing.

[RADER]

Please do your self a favor, and your wife, sit down with her and have the talk.
I bet she is the type to stick by you.
Rader

[Babeba]

Rhonda, as much as she jokes she probably doesn't really know what is going on with you, and what it truly means. That having been said, I think it works a lot better for a couple when the wife is told rather than discovers. I would spend a little time reading on here and the lived ones forum (there are threads on how to tell your wife and how/why a spouse might have some swings in acceptance. You should know a bit about that before you tell, and another week or two of prep work will most likely be a good thing rather than a bad one.

You should also look at why you want to tell: if it is to get something out of it, like more freedom in dressing right away and being able to wear what you want around the house whenever - it probably will not go well. If your goal is being open with your life partner so she is not being shut out from something that is such a deep part of you any longer, that seems to go better than a selfish ulterior motive.

[Jenniferathome]

I don't think women "hint" at a topic like crossdressing. I told my wife and am better for it as is my relationship. The natural women here will tell you that knowing is better than not knowing BUT it is still a shock. Prepare yourself and tell her if you believe your relationship is strong.

[Lyndaloves]

This maybe a start.
Next time go with it instead of delaying it, let her initate and just go with the flow
Seeing how far it will go
You both may find a new discoveries between the two of you.
I would love to tell my wife and share but know as with most of us the answer would be there's the door and leave your key.
Some wives may accept it on terms and some may even help and encourage it but these women are a few.
Doesn't matter how much they love you if its wrong to them it a NO GO except your pantied butt out the door if you want to continue with dressing.
If all goes well then in a few months years or days tell her how much you enjoy dressing in fem.

Lynda


Lynda

[linda allen]

Here's my story:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?170479-Changes-at-the-Allen-Household

It might help you.

[kimdl93]

I'm not a big fan of accidental outings. There are just too many unknowns. It might be beter to begin a conversation, or more realistically, a whole series of conversations. Perhaps, the way to start is to invite your wife to share her wishes, hopes, dreams, wildest fantasies, fears. Let her do the talking. You know your wife - so how do you normally engage her in conversation?

[Tina B.]

What you are reading into your wifes comments, could be the pink fog. Sometimes we reading into things what we want them to be, or related to a context the other person doesn't even know about.
Next time you get a chance try that thing about the nails again, and if she offers to do them for you, smile and say you wouldn't dare. Then if she does it, you know she has an interest, or she has found you out, and she wants to get involved, if she blows it off with a chuckle, you know she was just joking, and may still be in the dark. Or you could man up, and ask her if she was serious about it, and put it off as curiosity.
Tina B.

[Karren H]

Reality check....... just go get dressed up and jump out of the closet.... then you know for sure.... none of this baby steps take is slow crap... she's going to either tolerate it or kick your ass to the curb and take all your money ...... history here has shown that the latter has a higher probability than the former....

[Stephenie S]

Dear Rhonda,

Be careful. You are misinterpreting your wife's comments. Women do not "hint" at wanting their guys to crossdress.

What she IS saying to you is, "Paint your toenails? So what? Go ahead. It's no big deal."

And it's not, really, is it? But crossdressing? That's a whole 'nuther ballgame, hon. And for you to try and stretch her playful acceptance of you with a pedicure into you as a crossdresser is a big, big, stretch.

Stephie

[TeriAnn]

I told my wife in 2005 and she was cool with matter of fact she loved the whole idea of me dressing and has bought gift cards and an sometimes blouses or skirts. She even found this fourm for me to enjoy. Alas we are now apart she has many mental problems and she left 4 years ago. I am glad it didn't have anything to do with my cding. Just go slow and don't push her to accept you let it come to you both. Bet she will love it as much as you do.

[Marleena]

Reality check....... just go get dressed up and jump out of the closet.... then you know for sure.... none of this baby steps take is slow crap... she's going to either tolerate it or kick your ass to the curb and take all your money ...... history here has shown that the latter has a higher probability than the former....



Lol..you'll get your answer much quicker, that's for sure!

[Karren H]

Lol..you'll get your answer much quicker, that's for sure!

In a society that demands instant gratification.... Why drag things out.... Punn intended! Lol.

[JamieG]

Rhonda, I also caution you about making assumptions. Before she knew, my wife used to make a number of jokes about dressing me up. However, when I finally came out to her, she said it was a complete shock and for quite a while she detested the whole idea. Fortunately, for me, she has become quite supportive over the years, but only after many tears on both our parts.

I suspect that many women like to tease their men about girly things. They know that the idea of appearing the least feminine makes most men uncomfortable. They might even get a rush out trying something out on their man: "Look how brave my big strong man is to wear nail polish for me." But for most women, to find out this is something you've been dying to do, and aren't just doing for her, well that's a whole 'nother ball of wax.

Regardless, in my opinion, telling is better than not. Just expect it to be a complete shock to her, so that you can be pleasantly surprised in the unlikely event in that she was trying to give you an opening. There is plenty of good advice elsewhere on the forum about how to go about telling.

[Stephanie47]

Rhonda, Halloween is coming up sooner than you think. Need I say more!

[Foxglove]

I once let a girlfriend paint my toenails. Another time (or maybe it was the same time, I can't remember) I was lying on the couch half asleep, and she draped her nightie over me so that it looked like I was wearing it. She and a girlfriend had a good laugh about that. I was awake enough to know what she was doing, but I let her go ahead.

Those two incidents were the only two. She never did or suggested anything like that again. She'd had her fun and that was all she wanted. These little suggestions don't always mean very much. (Dammit!)

Best wishes, Annabelle

[andrea35]

I think that we pretty much know our wives and can guess how they going to react to certain extent, for example how does she react when she sees a man in drag? does she have very conservative views or is she open minded. does she like to explore new things?

[Lorileah]

Karren! quit scaring the poor thing.

(side note, I honestly think that you see more of the bad results posted here because..well they are bad. There probably as many if not more who will accept it either fully or with caveats when you do it with discretion.)

Rhonda, I agree with the people here who say talk about it. Next time she says something just go with it. Ask if she would really be OK with say nail polish or a dress. I also believe that the biggest obstacle to men wearing whatever they want to wear is "MEN". Males are so concerned about how their buddies will perceive them. This leads to mostly stupid behavior from the males (honestly almost every moronic action begins with the words "Hey ya'll watch this.") In my case my wife really didn't care what I wore as long as I didn't embarrass her (and of course at the age of 30 something and I wanted to wear a short skirt...that would have been embarrassing). And we would joke about the same things. EXCEPT I did one day take her up on it. Nail polish once. Skirts another. High heels. Never a bad word from my wife. On the other hand my mother in law had many bad words but it was MY house she was living in... better keep you opinions to yourself than exposing them from the curb :). I always say do it early rather than later. So, if you want polish, go for it. If you are worried about what people will say, the 4th of July is coming up, do them in Red White and Blue. That would be patriotic. (I used to do mine to match whatever sports team was playing at the time...I hated Orange and Blue :P)

[Kassandra56]

Rhonda, I'm with Karren when you think about it you have already tried the slowly, slowly approach and it's not worked for you. If you continue down the same path expecting a different result I have to tell you it's going to happen. So you either commit to life in secrecy or face the matter head to head with your wife, only you can decide what is right for you. We can all provide our own experiences but they relate to two different people not you and your wife.

k

[Sandra]

Only you know your wife, but IMO you need to chat with her about it all. Don't let little bits come out because when/if she finds out she most likely won't thank you for it.

[Lorileah]

Just a note, I believe Karren was joking when she said pop out of the closet. That almost NEVER works. Physical surprise never works when you are trying to get someone on your side.

[Kassandra56]

Lorileah,

Good point, I was endorsing the action of jumping out dressed but facing the situation and having the discussion.

k

[Jenniferathome]

My story is linked below

[Regan]

Rhonda

You can see my post from tonight, my wife found out the worst way. I would advise figuring out how to tell her before she finds out in a way you will not want. I will let you know how things go with us but it is very fragile right now. Good luck

Regan

[Lyndaloves]

I don't know but IMO it's just alot of wishful thinking on our parts about hoping that the wives would understand and hopefully accept what we do.
What are you really after in telling her about your CDing. Are you hopeing for her acceptance and allowing you to dress most of time in the house in front of her on the street where ever. If she does say she accepts it but doesn't want to see it then isn't it exactly what we are doing right now being in the closet. Some think women accept it more than we think but IMO I feel you got about an 80% chance she'd show you the door. Another thread stated she totally loved her husband but she would have split had she known about his CDing. As has been stated we do know our wives better than anyone else. Being told here to sit down and explain everything about your dressing up, I don't know unless you really are just looking for a way to end your marriage. I have a real hard time with some of the answers here and about if they loved you they'd totally accept this. For the ones that have found this I wish you all the luck and happiness in the years to come and wish mine would be that way to, but in reality as that door hits you in the ass on the way out just remember if you want advise thats great but its what you do with it that makes it your mistake.
Being in the closet or being with out your wife...............its lonely and lawyer expensive

With this I am really tempted to toss lynda out and surpress her again

Rob

Lynda

[Jacqueline Winona]

Your post is well-stated, Lynda. Not that I don't get the "it's better to tell her than to have her find out" argument (which is a point very well taken), but there is A LOT of truth in what Lynda states.

[ReineD]

I'm closing this thread. The OP edited the content out of his thread starter, and also deleted the few other posts he had made in the forum.