Transgenders who are not Full Time

[amielts]

I have been involved in the trans community for more than a decade (i.e. half my life considering my age), and have been full-time for quite a few years now. The community has been helpful to those transitioning in general, even though there are arguments every now and then.

However, I believe it is those who cannot be full-time that need the most help. The community hasn't been quite good enough in that regard. Sometimes, not being full-time is seen as inferior, and that's not helpful either.

What do you think?

[Eryn]

While I do see an occasional mild pokes at us for being "just CDers," I don't really see any significant animosity toward us.

We're all in the same boat, with the same adversaries, and only a fool fights on a sinking ship.

[Stephanie47]

I have been donning feminine clothing for more than fifty years, and, I have been very content with splitting my time between Stephanie and her twin brother. I say twin brother because I truly feel everyone has some percentage of both genders. It is just a matter of the percentage that is dominant and the proportion of time each gender gets to act out in life. I think the vast majority of heterosexual cross dressers enjoy both roles. It is only the frustrations caused by society that causes us angst. Frankly, it is more acceptable to be a gay man or a lesbian woman than a heterosexual cross dresser.

"Sometimes not being full time is seen as inferior" ???

Although I am not in a social position to observe such behavior, I don't doubt it exists sometimes. Why? Because I see it with everyone who is a minority of some sort, not just sexual identity. If someone were to cast dispersions my way because I am a cross dresser or "only" a cross dresser, I've had worse things happen to me over six plus decades.

[Kate Simmons]

I see what you are saying Hon but the general nature of the "beast" with this is that it's mostly a personal journey. No one is really going to go out of their way to make it "easy" for us. We have to pretty much know who we are and what we want to be successful in our quest for identity.:)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Iv written a bit about this before & else where, the shame of it has been whos at the top of the ladder first, & any one after that does not count,

The pity of it all is does there have to be one is better than another, i dont see it that way. yes im different in a number of ways, yet where would i be in reguard to that so called ladder for some half a mile away. So i know what its like to be rejected, am i the only one of cause not,

Iv been around the trans community for about 17 years, on the forums about 5 1 / 2, iv got to meet & know some 10,000 people all around the world over that time so theres not much i dont know about, plus womens forums .

For the trans community i dont have the answers, all i know is we are all human both men & women & us who are any where in the middle can we see a change with in the community, i would like to see more acceptance of those of us who happen to be a little different .

yet you know what im a member of many groups some women only some mixed over a 1000 members, yet iv been accepted reguardless of looks or things about myself that is very different, its all over looked why, because we are community,

yet some with in the trans community can not see how distrutive they are, world wide,

We are all different , in our community here in Waimate ill present to you 25 of our women & not one is the same as the other, yet we can work to gether we have differences do different things involved with different groups & we get on just so well why because thats just the way we are, & we have fun enjoy each others campany & meet up with each other quite a lot is this not how a community should be, i belive so.

So if we can do this why not the trans community. We all can bring our gifts for each other to share to enjoy & be a part of ,

You know all of our differences should be enjoyed to gether. wether your liveing as / like a woman , had surgery or not is that the mark of a woman ... no.... then for what ever the reason some can not have surgery does it matter,
my difference im intersexed does that matter. ...no....i am what i am.

Really it comes down to two things we accept our selfs first love, , then accept others in love, maybe thats two simple well thats how i see it, & you know it works iv seen it & proved it can.

...noeleena...

[Marie-Elise]

This is probably a question that's been asked before but is a transgender person one who lives full time dressed as a woman? And a CD one who doesn't do it full time? Just trying to get my facts straight.

[jillleanne]

Two different issues altogether. The needs are much different and require different solutions.

[Marleena]

Amielts some us choose not to be full time due to family obligations, agreement with spouses, etc. I would prefer full time but that is my situation. I can handle it because I've had to live as a man for decades because of those choices. It has become more difficult lately, I won't lie. I don't really feel inferior or feel that I need help and nobody in the community has given me a hard time about my choices. Having friends here helps me over the speed bumps.

[Tina B.]

Sometimes, not being full-time is seen as inferior, and that's not helpful either. What do you think?

Seen as inferior by whom? I certainly don't see myself as inferior. Just because one group says they are Superior, doesn't make it so! Those that go full time, or transition, have different needs and motives than I have, but how does that make one person inferior to another, it just makes us different.
Tina B.

[Launa]

I could see how the TS could get tired of hearing from us part timers about what we would like to do with our lives but can't or won't for various reasons, they hear us bitch and complain about it. The TS has to own everything they do, there are no excuses or lies for them.
I think those of us part timers who won't be going full time do need the help from the community too as it seems most of us CDers are underground and maybe with more exposure to it attitudes will change in our society.

[TGMarla]

I'm not full time, and I never will be. There were times in my past when that question was up in the air, but no longer.

I don't feel inferior, and anyone in this community that takes on any kind of air of superiority over others really needs to get a reality check.

Why would one feel they were a "superior transgender"? Sheesh! I guess we all have to be good as something. But given the choice, I'd pick something else.

[Nigella]

There are people in all walks of life who consider themselves to be superior to others, why should our community be any different? We all have our prejudices, we frown upon any type of behaviour that we consider to be "inappropriate", is that not some form of elitism. By arguing with those who offer a "better than thou" attitude just feeds their prejudice, the best way to put them into reality is to just ignore them, how can they then consider themselves superior if they don't have anyone to be superior over?

[Cheryl T]

It's a shame because I have seen a disparity in our community. I've been to some "support" groups that are "open" and the first thing you are asked is "What are you?".
Then you are segregated into sections depending on whether you are f/t, p/t, on hormones, transitioning or not, etc.
Too bad we sometimes discriminate amongst ourselves when the rest of the world does that so well for us.

[Stephanie-L]

Yes, I do see a bit of a divide in the TG world, actually several. You have the divison between the CDs and the Trans folk, i.e. those who present as the opposite gender for more than clothing reasons. There is the divide between the Trans folk who are part time (for whatever reason, family, money, etc) and the full timers. Then there is a divide between the Trans folk who want to have surgery/meds, and those who don't, plus the divide between the folk who have had surgery and those who haven't. What I am saying is that there are a lot of differences between us, yet we all have some things in common, not least of which is how society views us. I learn things from just about every section of this forum, posted by a variety of people. I have seen the "Your not Trans enough" posts, and try to avoid that type of thought myself....................Stephanie

[Alice Torn]

Each person, whether in a support group, church, etnicity, whatever, is on his/her own unique, but similar road. We, who dress up, whether part timers or full time, have it in common, that general socirty thinks we are weird. We can empathize with each other, in this.

[TxCassie]

I think this is a natural conversation in our community. We humans are always trying to categorize, define, and status everyone. I head once that humans always find a reason to look down upon, discriminate, outcast another group.

I've sense an attitude from some, not necessarily in this forum, that if you dress, you are moving towards transitioning or your ultimate goal is to live 'en femme' 24/7. So, if you are not moving towards this goal, you're not really transgender, not serious, etc...

Not So, Sister...

I know I am a male. I like being male. I have no desire to be female. I am transgender. I know there is a part of my personality that is predominantly feminine. I like being able to outwardly express my femininity by dressing. I do recognize that I may not be masculine in the traditional sense, but,I also know I am not totally feminine. The duality which my personality is constructed lends me to believe and accept that I am transgender.

I feel the manifestations of our transgenderism is as individual, unique, and personal as there are persons who are transgender. We may be able to identify common qualities, characteristics, and behaviors, but none of us are the same. I am not sure if the reasons I dress are the same reasons a transsexual go forwards to transition.

Maybe the common denominator for all transgender individuals is the journey of self-awareness and personal fulfillment and happiness.

And that ladies, has no room for qualifications.

Cassie :love:

[Beverley Sims]

When I read the title of the thread I thought "Transgendered part time how?"
I assume you mean that the transgendered person can only dress part of the time due to family and other environmental situations, or still has gender dysphoria and is reluctant to change.

[Miranda-E]

I don't really believe in the part time transgendered.
Trans people have taken a lot of lumps being in the world and living their lives while making some progress.
Going to the mall twice a month is not living. Going to work, court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings, is living.
Those are the things you have to do day to day. People see the small progress other people have made with
blood sweat and tears while they were hiding and doing nothing because of a laundry list of excuses and shed the closeted CD name. Now I'm "part time transgendered".
Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

No. not buying it.

[SabrinaDubh]

I don't really believe in the part time transgendered.
Trans people have taken a lot of lumps being in the world and living their lives while making some progress.
Going to the mall twice a month is not living. Going to work, court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings, is living.
Those are the things you have to do day to day. People see the small progress other people have made with
blood sweat and tears while they were hiding and doing nothing because of a laundry list of excuses and shed the closeted CD name. Now I'm "part time transgendered".
Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

No. not buying it.
And there you go. One of the "I have to define everything because I am the arbiter of tranny labels" types. These are the people that piss me off.

You have no idea what constitutes "living" for me, and you certainly don't know my situation. You have no ****ing idea. This isn't easy for any of us.

[Marleena]

I don't really believe in the part time transgendered.
Trans people have taken a lot of lumps being in the world and living their lives while making some progress.
Going to the mall twice a month is not living. Going to work, court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings, is living.
Those are the things you have to do day to day. People see the small progress other people have made with
blood sweat and tears while they were hiding and doing nothing because of a laundry list of excuses and shed the closeted CD name. Now I'm "part time transgendered".
Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

No. not buying it.


I guess that's the reason for this thread.

[Badtranny]

Oh this is gonna be a fun one.

First of all let me say that there is no inferior TG classification. Having said that, none of us have any control if someone FEELS inferior or if someone tries to perpetrate a superior attitude. I'm one of those that think crossdressing is a completely harmless activity and if I was somehow able to divert my transition into "just" cross-dressing and hanging out with my friends on weekends I think I would have preferred that. I wouldn't have had to come out professionally, I wouldn't have had to spend every available cent I had on surgeries, I wouldn't have had to buy a whole new wardrobe, or learn how to do boring "day-time" makeup. Basically, I think it would have been a lot more fun and a lot less pain and suffering. Now I don't have any idea how a real cross-dresser feels because I never had that itch. I only cross-dressed to explore what I was feeling and all it did for me was push me over the edge just a few months later. What ever it is that keeps CD's content is a mystery to me, but I wish I had it.

I was also talking to my bestie just yesterday and she was lamenting that when I came out as trans she lost her gay friend, and every girl needs a gay friend. I said, believe me if being a gay dude worked for me I would have been perfectly happy to stay that way. I can't imagine not being attracted to men because it's all I've ever known (even though I spent my life wishing it away) but I can definitely imagine being a regular openly queer guy (cuz I tried it for awhile) and that would have been a great place for me. I tried the cross-dressing hoping it would put an end to the lifetime of gender questions and for one brief exciting moment, I was a gay CD and it was wonderful. Alas, it ultimately just dredged up long buried feelings and well, the rest has been fairly well documented.

I am now a fully transitioned TS waiting for my legal name change. Some would say this is superior to being a CD, but I don't understand that line of thinking. Superior in what way? My story is kinda sad and pathetic so I certainly don't feel superior. I'm actually surprised more CD's don't feel superior because they can leave this TG stuff anytime they want and enjoy their life as a man, or take care of problems, or just hang out with buddies or whatever, without ANY of the stresses that come with living full time. That's a pretty enviable situation if you ask me. The only real divide is the Life vs Lifestyle issue. A part-timer is completely free to deny us or his fem side whenever it suits him and a full-timer is not. One is not less than the other, just different.

[Persephone]

I live two very rich, very full lives.

Like Marleena, my life is already woven into a complex web of family relationships and responsibilities that I "inherited" from a long time of living as a male. Perhaps I could leave those in the dust behind me, but is it really so important to bow to the "trans community" and do so? For what? For a label? For a place in a "Pride" parade?

Sure, I could wallow in questioning my lifetime -- should I have transitioned? At which age? What would my life be like now if I had only ...?

Phoey! Like Popeye "I yam whats I yam, and that's all what I yam."

I'm living in both genders, and yes, Miranda-E, my female life does include "court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings."

And no, I can't say, ""I'm not playing today," because I have responsibilities as a woman too. I have to be there when my friends go through divorces, surgeries, funerals, and many, many other life experiences.

Is there a "problem" with the "trans commmunity?" Do I care? My friends are my friends and that's all that matters to me.

My real problems? Despite living two active lives I can only have one "legal name," one "legal gender," one passport, and one driver's license.

Those are my real problems, not some phoney baloney good-time rock-'n-roll relationship with labels and the "trans community." Frankly, I'm too busy being a woman to be a "trans."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Marleena]

I am now a fully transitioned TS waiting for my legal name change. Some would say this is superior to being a CD, but I don't understand that line of thinking. Superior in what way? My story is kinda sad and pathetic so I certainly don't feel superior. I'm actually surprised more CD's don't feel superior because they can leave this TG stuff anytime they want and enjoy their life as a man, or take care of problems, or just hang out with buddies or whatever, without ANY of the stresses that come with living full time. That's a pretty enviable situation if you ask me. The only real divide is the Life vs Lifestyle issue. A part-timer is completely free to deny us or his fem side whenever it suits him and a full-timer is not. One is not less than the other, just different.

Melissa you just won me over with this statement. I wish more people thought this way. Now my views for everybody.:)

Now I keep reading gender is controlled by the brain not what's between our legs..I'm sure this thread will get there soon.:)

I have utmost respect for the TS women who needed to transition. I also have the same respect for the TS women that put their families first, I can relate to both. That carries over to TG people too no matter where they're at. I struggled with this crap at all levels and it ain't no picnic.

my GF got pregnant (ex wife) and i did the right thing I married her and raised my child as the father. So I put family first and still do because I have a grandchild that calls me Papa. How the phuck can I take that away from him? I buried this shit so deep it's still coming back to me in bits and pieces. I don't give a crap if anybody thinks I'm not helping the TS cause. I put my family first before me and always will. That's the way it is and I don't care about anybody else's agendas and other crap. You live your life the way you want because I am.

[KellyJameson]

We learn who we are through others while already being born complete.

Those held in the vessel of a male body with a mind that was not changed completely from female to male than live opposed to those whose bodies and minds are in complete alignment

This creates a continuum like a line connecting the female to the male (in mind only).

A continuum is a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other, although the extremes are quite distinct. (female-male)

I think of this as the TG spectrum that probably a significant portion of the male population fall under but whose pull they resist.

When our "born" (innate) identity is in conflict with the social identity the world expects of us there is conflict within the mind because we try to live two mutually exclusive realities simultaneously, that of man (social) and that of man/woman (internal).

The greater the conflict between these two identities the greater the pain and because pain is a warning mechanism that is meant to be acted on to save self the impossibility to escape pain threatens loss of sanity so being TS threatens one with going insane (you feel crazy) and often act out the pain (act crazy) so the world (social) than thinks you are crazy and you are than labelled with a second lie.

The first lie (that you are male) than has a second lie placed on top of it (you are crazy).

You must than take a stand against all others and reject their "reality" by either isolating yourself or finding others like you.

If you can find others like you than maybe you are not "crazy" (abnormal)because if there are two than this may be normal (safety in numbers).

The problem is there are no others like you because each falls on the continuum so they may be similar but still are different and this adds to the already significant fear
the person carries in the privacy of their own mind and so many try to impose their opinion of "reality" (truth) on others to shore up their own fragile sense of their reality (truth)

All people live as individuals in relationship to the group (collective of other individuals) and within the group there is physical and emotional security.

Being TG forces you to some extent to become an individual separate from the group so you must become comfortable living without a social identity.

This initially creates incredible fear much like the first time the child leaves the mother to explore the world on their own only without any promise of relief because there is no mother to run back to.

Passing judgement on others is common among TS because they have a fragile sense of reality (identity) as a consequence of living without and opposed to a social reality (identity) but once they move beyond this need because their own identity as individuals is fully formed they lose the need to control others in an attempt to use others to define themselves.

Being TG is the same as being like those who are not only more so because we are all meant to evolve into psychologically autonomous individuals and those who fail at this continue to live with the insecurity born from their psychological dependance on others to define reality (truth) for them so in essence need others to do their thinking for them.

[Kate Simmons]

Basically we are in a unique situation that puts our male self in the position of being custodian for our female self. The male self is the Father and Protector of the Woman Within. This is the purpose of why we are who we are. In essence we are both the gallant knight and the fair maiden rolled into one.:)

[Plasibeau]

Every group of people has these problems. Even gays can be told they might not be gay enough.

Let us remember that beyond the top of the T--Ladder is a whole 'nother group of transsexuals who don't and never truly called themselves transsexual in the first place and abhor anyone who doesn't completely transition as quickly as possible and go stealthier than a ballistic submarine.

It's a perfectly disgusting, but so far proven natural function of societies as a whole, so long as there are people who say "I'm different." There will always be someone who says; "I'm more different than you."

/rant

[susan54]

We are all different. If we claim that some types of TS/CD/etc are better than others we descend into the redneck zone. I spend 95% of my free time dressed 100% in women's clothes, including bra and breast forms, but I only wear a wig and make-up to go out. When I go out, I go shopping, get my toes done, or stay in hotels. I do not regard myself as transgendered. My gender is male, and I am happy to be a male. In my work time and some personal time, I am masculine, though almost always wearing [rather plain] panties. I am a gender tourist. I am no more transgender than an actor in a play is his/her character. When I go out, my poise, movements, clothes, voice, smell, are feminine, but it is all an act, for FUN. I am not a member of any transgender community and I don't need help. I like where I am and it works. It works for me, and if anyone else has a problem, tough. It doesn't turn me on, and even some women have a problem with this - they don't believe me. Do their clothes turn them on? But they do get a buzz from a good outfit? So do I. Let us all be tolerant and accepting of the whole range of variation, as long as no one hurts anyone else.

[Annaliese2010]

There are two very distinct personalities in me, though only one manifests at any givin time. 'He' is usually on top while I am in 'sleep mode'. When time & place are ripe, we transition, trade places if you will, where I am free to fully-express MY personality, tastes, thinking & behavior as he fades to background. We are comfortable with this arrangement and neither of us struggle for 'full dominance'. It's mutually beneficial for us to retain our individualty and respect each others independence. It would be impossible for us to integrate as one. We're both strong willed & determined but very different in too many other ways. But.. I admit, I wish I had a little more 'out time' than is currently the case. For practical reasons I guess He's the rule & I'm the exception.*sigh...*

[TxCassie]

I don't really believe in the part time transgendered.
Trans people have taken a lot of lumps being in the world and living their lives while making some progress.
Going to the mall twice a month is not living. Going to work, court, DMV, doctor, social things, BBQ's, neigherhood council meetings, is living.
Those are the things you have to do day to day. People see the small progress other people have made with
blood sweat and tears while they were hiding and doing nothing because of a laundry list of excuses and shed the closeted CD name. Now I'm "part time transgendered".
Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

No. not buying it.

Yes, this is exactly what I was referring to... I don't get it. I didn't know because I donned female attire, I surrendered my male gender, personality, and soul. It's either or. If this is the argument, I can understand my fear of it, the stigma, and the guilt. I also understand why any young person would be terrified to attempt to dress and suppressed their feelings. I guess it would be better to ignore the feelings for at least the person will know what he/she is, instead of exploring the possibilities.

I don't know, I just don't buy it.

Cassie

[ArleneRaquel]

If I wasn't widowed & retired I would not likely live as a female.

[NathalieX66]

I'll decide if i want to go full time when I reach retirement in 20 years from now.
I'm pretty cool where I am now. I go anyplace/anytime as a girl. .....Just not all the time.

[ReineD]

Five friends are sitting together, enjoying tea. One takes it with milk and sugar, one with just milk, one with just sugar, one with lemon, and one drinks it black. Is any one friend better than the other for her choice? Is the woman who drinks black tea more of a connoisseur than the others? Can you say that the woman who takes it with milk and sugar is not a "real" tea drinker since she masks the taste too much? And what about the lemon tea drinker? What's up with that?

Now, if the woman who takes it with milk really wants sugar but she doesn't use any because she's watching her waistline (and therefore does not enjoy her tea at all), then she experiences internal conflict. That's a whole 'nother story. But, assuming that each woman drinks her tea based on her own personal preferences, I'd say that not one choice is more valid or more important than the other. I can't see the lemon drinker feeling sorry for the milk tea drinker. I can't see the sugar tea drinker or the black tea drinker feeling superior to the milk & sugar tea drinker. Or vice versa.

I guess these women all fundamentally understand that they all enjoy drinking tea.

lol. The premise of this thread belongs in the sandbox with five year olds.

[Miranda-E]

lol. The premise of this thread belongs in the sandbox with five year olds.

I agree totally
If the OP wants real answers and perspective on this from people that have worked with the young transgender people she worries about, ask this in the transgender subforum.

[ReineD]

I agree totally
If the OP wants real answers and perspective on this from people that have worked with the young transgender people she worries about, ask this in the transgender subforum.

Um, Miranda, technically this is also the "transgender" subforum for many people. some members whom the world call "CDs" (because they are not full time), call themselves "TG". And there are also some TSs who call themselves "TG". Everyone has their own personal definition of what "TG" means, to the exclusion of other people's definitions. :p

Gosh, even the word "transition" means different things to different people. I have a feeling the OP uses it to mean "living full time", which to a post-op TS, is not transitioning at all, not until after SRS.

Here's the thing: everyone is "TG", except perhaps each end of the bell curve: the pure fetishists and the stealth post-ops.

As to the OP, in all fairness I think her intentions are good. She is saying it is not fair for full-time "TGs" to feel superior to those who are not full time. Her mistake is in having a rather narrow definition of "TG" and also assuming that everyone has an equal desire to "transition" (live full time?). And Miranda, I think your own definitions are quite narrow as well, after having read your post #18. The members in this forum whose gender ID is mixed, lead just as full a life as you do, and they also have their own set of challenges in a world that doesn't accept much of trans-anything.

[arbon]

Some others have said it that I agree with - I to think it really comes down differences - a ts woman living full time, or who is transitioned and living a normal life as a woman, have a whole different deal going on then someone who identifies as a crossdresser or lives part time.

Sometimes I think is comes across as people acting more superior, but it is not really meant to be most of the time. It is just that the groups have different experiences and perspectives.


However, I believe it is those who cannot be full-time that need the most help.

I am curious as to what type of help you think they need from those living full time?

[Miranda-E]

I am curious as to what type of help you think they need from those living full time?

This is a very good question.

[Barbara Ella]

These topics are always mine traps. We all do what we can, and when we achieve the best we can get given the constraints (not a list of excuses, sorry, bad form there) than we have achieved the ultimate, and can be proud. If someone is progressing, but has not yet achieved the final position they desire, then they have nothing to talk about. They are merely progressing to the final position, just like nearly everyone else, and have no superior position anywhere. Sure, they may have done more things, but these things were in their capability. Those amongst us who have done things that were beyond their comfort zone, who then encountered hardship are to be respected, and placed on an equal plane for going beyond their capabilities and enduring. We are all in this boat together, just engaging at different levels. But each one of us is only capable of operating within our comfort level, moving ever toward the emotional peek of our own individual level.

Everyone who feels they have reached the peak of their comfort level should feel good about themselves. Not everyone's peak will be the same, but it is the peak, regardless of the restrictions.

Barbara

[Marie-Elise]

I live two very rich, very full lives.

Is there a "problem" with the "trans commmunity?" Do I care? My friends are my friends and that's all that matters to me.

My real problems? Despite living two active lives I can only have one "legal name," one "legal gender," one passport, and one driver's license.

Those are my real problems, not some phoney baloney good-time rock-'n-roll relationship with labels and the "trans community." Frankly, I'm too busy being a woman to be a "trans."
Persephone.

This is probably the most sensible thing I have read in this thread.

In my view, we all have some degree of transgenderism else we would not be wearing the other gender's clothing. Having said that, I think it's important for us to understand that, while this exists within us, it (and we) do not exist in a vacuum. We have friends, family, work and the rest of society that we have obligations to.

I love to dress and I would do it every day and go about the rest of my life if I could. But I have my wife, our child, my mother, my sister and my in-laws. I think wearing a dress around them would do nothing to add to our relationships and may in fact hurt those relationships. This, in turn, would hurt my wife and child's relationship with them. I am not willing to do that to satisfy my need to dress.

On the other hand, I can dress around my wife whenever I want. So, I watch movies with her, cook dinner, drink wine and play board games while I am dressed with her. I am grateful for this because she could have taken a DADT stance or left outright when I told her about this side of me.

I guess this is why the yinyang is so important to me and my wife (it is at the top of our wedding certificate that holdsvour wedding vows). Balance.

As a final thought: Define yourself and how you want to live your life. Don't worry about the labels. You only get to write one story in life. Make sure it is one in which you enjoy being the main character. Hopefully, it will be interesting enough that your story lives longer than you.

[Chardonnay Merlot]

"We are all in this boat together, just engaging at different levels."

Barbara, I like the way you put this. That's the way I feel.

I can understand Miranda's point...One of my best friends feels somewhat similarly, however something she would also say..."I'm just a person at the end of day trying to make my way as best I can."


"Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".

Is it really that simple? I disagree with that in my case.
The second I left my little flat presenting female...and my neighbors saw me, there was no "running back to the normal male life". Hell, when my dad confronted me holding my frilly victoria's secret knickers in his hand and I told him about it. Normalcy? Out the window, pal.
But then again, "normal" for me in the uniform I've been issued is very different for the majority in many ways. Thus, I expect some chaos.



I'm really new in terms of being "out" about all of this, thus I'm getting a daily education in what it all means. But I know I'm rather confused with all the labels and all the crossing cleavage within. In response I've decided the best I can do is just "do me" as the young folks say.

Yes, I am a crossdresser. I most likely won't ever opt to transition, but who knows what the future holds. If somebody had told me 5 years ago that this feminine side of my persona that has been with me since childhood would be openly manifested, I'd tell them they were crazy. If someone told me that the first person that would find out about this would be my father, my response would be "Oh God No!"... Well both have happened and it changed my life for the better....Even if it has made my a little less comfortable because of personal, and spiritual examination I am going through now.

Yes, I have the "option" to retreat if it gets "uncomfortable", but the $64,000 question, could I look myself in the mirror and do that given the people that I have embraced in my life since I've stepped forward?
When I got totally honest and open about being a CD and the thoughts and feelings, the first thing I did was find support and guidance. Thank God I found that and I found a support group that was embracing open, and less interested in splitting hairs and more interested in positively impacting and educating people, and as part of that embrace was a call to challenge to learn and be active, and its a challenge I've chosen to take on. It wasn't what I was expecting. I was expecting to be quiet and learn a great deal, but just kind of fade in the back...but when you are called to step forward..can you retreat with a straight face?
Could I retreat on people who are at many stages in the journey whom I consider friends and people who have looked to me and vice versa? If I did, that would be more uncomfortable, because I'm accountable to the person in the mirror ultimately.

For me, it boils down to the one thing we all have in common regardless of where we are on any scale or any metric -- humanity.

[Marleena]

There is not enough compassion in this world as it is. There is even less for transgendered people by the general public.

We are all here for support and friendship with others like us. I refuse to judge others because they are on a different place on the transgender scale than I am. We MTF's are in this together.

[NicoleScott]

Everytime its not comfortable you have the shelter of running back to the normal male life, doing it the easy way and saying "I'm not playing today".


"Part-time transgendered" doesn't make sense. Part-time dresser does, if appropriate.

Miranda, not all of us hide in the closet out of fear. Perhaps there are some who would live openly or full-time if they could, but can't for a variety of good reasons. And some others of us don't run back to the shelter of our normal male lives, we live there (and like it) but occasionally come out to enjoy a little girl time for our own personal reasons. As someone who enjoys the occasional dressup session in private, nobody can give me a good reason how coming out can benefit ME.

Reine, those five friends, they were Tea-girls, right?

[kimdl93]

I don't think there's a judgement involved. I think there is a difference in perceptions that leads occassionally to communications problems. Those who chose, or perhaps more accurately, feel compelled to go full time view thier situation somewhat differently from the occassionall CDr or those of us 'middle pathers' who present as female regularly as part of our daily lives, but also present as male when circumstances require.

[Lorileah]

*strapping on helmet and shoulder pads*

I have to sort of kinda agree with Miranda. You cannot be part time transgendered. You is or you ain't. Now the caveat. Transgendered to me in NOT Transsexual. TS's fall in there but CD's GQ's and a myriad of others do too. When your a Jet you're a Jet all the way. You cannot turn off being transgender. And that is as far as I agree with Miranda's post here.

Now presenting 24/7 as the opposite gender (and here again, there are the intersexed and chimera and other variations) is a different story. My hope is that when a person reaches what they consider the end of the journey, they are so happy that they think everyone else should have the same experience. But they do not think about the fact that there are many roads. Not everyone who is in the TS field wants or needs to go all the way. Doesn't make you any more or less a TS. I am (right now) happy where I am. I know who I am . It may change later. I may decide to move forward or to move back (actually nature is making some of those decisions for me).

I like the people here. I would say all the people here but there are a few who I will never see eye to eye with. I may disagree with some here also, they may disagree with me. I hope I have learned to take what they say with a little humility and know they are trying to help. Some not so much. I am sure there are those who would not miss me when I am gone. :) Yes, I am one of those who has a strong opinion on specific things and I grate on nerves. Read me or don't then. But as Eryn pointed out, we are all in the same boat. I would like that we didn't row against each other but it is a big boat and keeping in rhythm isn't always easy.

[Marleena]

I'm really hoping the original poster returns to this thread. I have a feeling it is being interpreted different than intended. I saw that it was posted by a TS woman and thought is was meant to mean TS women that are not living 24/7 for whatever reason. That's the way I saw it? The word transgender in there might be causing confusion or I interpreted wrong.

[kimdl93]

I suspect Marleena is correct, although I don't see a problem with a broader interpretation. TG is to my way of thinking a big tent that includes people who may CD occasionally, middle pathers who are living some portion of their lives as women, and TS , including those who have and have not transitioned....along with a multitude of variations in between. The question applies fairly well wherever one decides to partition the TG population.

[ReineD]

Reine, those five friends, they were Tea-girls, right?

LOL. Very good! :)
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