What would you do in my situ?

[_Kira_]

I'm Kira ..27yo ..TS off HRT(nowadays I look like CD..because parents forced me to cut my hair:sad: ).
My parents know who I 'm..but they think that it's just madness((
they think(and it 's absolutely logical) that I can destroy their life(
The ts child is a shame for parents in my city(and country)(I don't think about myself..it 's something like social suicide).
I know that it's not their fault that I'm me.
I tryed to change my place and country..but it appeared harder that I thought.
And I'm still here.. still on same stage.
mb it sounds like madness..but i'm ready to sell soul and body(I mean to work in adult services abroad..just far from my country..(( because I want never bring shame for them.. I don't wanna destroy their life..
But I hate my shell.. I want to be myself.. to live as usual girl..
What would you do in my situ?

[_Kira_]

I know that I 'll regret about..
But I understood why people do it..when they face "end of rope".
I'm not lazy and I have master degree in IT.. but easy to say "look for a job" in crysis condition of global economy.
I really don't know what I shall to do.

[_Kira_]

time 's my worst enemy...(((

I 'm trying.. but I lost hope..
And I don't need "good" job.. just job far from my city(better if it 'll be sowhere not in my country).. and possibility to start transition..
mb I ask God to much?..((

So I probably start sells of my soul..(price possibility to start transition and confidentiality(so no troubles for my relatives)) (very sad joke)

[Kaz]

Kira,

I am not sure which country you are in, but I agree with Andy... DO NOT sell your body unless that is really what you WANT to do... not 'feel you have to', that never works and will take you to a darker place.

The answer is to get a job in a different country and build your own life away from your parents. The IT industry is very global - probably the most global, so your skills will be transferable across countries. Getting a job is always hard but if you persevere, you will succeed. At 27 you have a life ahead of you. It may take time to get it right, but when it is right you will have the rest of your life to enjoy it!

[_Kira_]

thank you for advice..and for kind attitude..
I'm from Ru.
And I know that steps on the dark side can bring me to darker place in my life..
Nobody knows what I feel everyday.. I hate everything in "his" life((
include my current appearence.
Probably I'm not patient. But I simply tired to wait.

[_Kira_]

I know this expression.
And I suppose that it 'll be really so.. Because my prudence said me that it's like a jump to nowhere(with bad attentuation of this word)..
on other hand It 's becomming harder and harder to control myself... I simply have no forces to wait.

And I don't think that If I 'll be TS in another country it can bring harm to my parents.
And it's one of the main things for me.

[Babeba]

If I were you, I would work at getting good (I.e. native level) in another language. Your English is pretty good, but the grammar needs a little work. It's tough at the level you are at because you are too good for most ESL programs but not quite fully immersed. Once that English is at a higher level, you can try working freelance online for more freedom. You could choose a country where there is good, not too expensive SRS and try living and working there.

[Eryn]

time 's my worst enemy...

No, time is your best friend. There is always tomorrow and the global economy won't stay down forever. Get your financial life in order then worry about the other issues.

[_Kira_]

Babeba, thank you for good advice.
I agree with you absolutely.
And I have to improve level of my english and french.

Eryn, mb you 're right ..but it's dual-sided thing for me.
One hand I probably 'll get good job and stable financial state in the future.
On other hand there 'll greatly more changes required in my body.
Sometime I think that I can pass throw all my life being in this shell(

[kimdl93]

You're first goal should be to become economically independent from your parents. From that point you can live as you wish, not based on their misconceptions or prejudices. And as eryn suggests, time becomes your ally as you work towards becoming your true self. It's no hurry, you're young.

[_Kira_]

I'm independent financially. I rent flat. And if problem 'd be in it I 'd solve it easily.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I have to ask. Why is a 27 year old allowing her parents to tell her what to do. They "forced" you to cut your hair? Why did you let them force you?

Your option of selling yourself is one of the worse thing you could do to yourself.

[_Kira_]

Because they are my parents.. And It's easier for me to runaway as far as can that to do harm for them.
I can destroy their life if I 'll start transition here and now.
And yep..they forced(not physically, just morally) me to cut hairs..but it 's not their fault. they are conservative and I know they never 'll understand me..
but they are my parents anyways..
Mb I simply don't deserve be myself((

[Rianna Humble]

Mb I simply don't deserve be myself((

Others have given you good advice, even if it doesn't sound so good to your ears whilst you are feeling so desperate, but I cannot let this comment go by unchallenged.

You are a unique individual who brings something to this world that no other person could ever do. You absolutely do deserve to be yourself. Please do not let anyone (even yourself) tell you differently.

It might also be worth considering a move to Germany, France or the UK where social medecine/mutual health insurance may help with the cost of your transition.

[_Kira_]

ok ok.

I think Germany, France and UK doesn't need immigrants or foreign workers.
also there is rather costly medicine.

I suppose mb just malaysia.
or phillipines..or brazil.(but I don't speak portugeese)..as I red medical side of transition in this countries pay-free.
but these countries also have disadvantages..in discrimination of TS field.
mb I mistake as common.

And it seems to me that everybody decided that I'm drama person.. it's not true(or at least not absolutely).. I simply tryed to do same(to learn languages..to find job abroad)..but I don't see the light((.. mb I 'm in depression simply((
I don't know what else to do and what other places I can to try.

[_Kira_]

mmmm.. thanks everybody for advices and support..
Anyways I decided to go on the dark side.
I know that it's stupid..I know that I have greatly more chances to lose everything..
but I have to do.
I cann't wait.
xoxo, Kira

[scarlett]

You know Kira, a location might help people to comprehend your situation and offer help. I'll never understand why mods let this happen.

[Babeba]

Scarlett, Kira mentioned RU as where she is from - and RU is the acronym for Russia, I believe.

I understand that in many Eastern European countries, families are very closely affected by each other and are not as individualistic as in the US, UK or Canada... One fellow I was friends with in university moved to Canada for university and his parents moved with him because they couldn't conceive of not supporting each other as a family. In that sense I can understand why Kira feels that she has to do things a certain way for her parents.

Kira, you absolutely deserve to be yourself, and you deserve to have at the very least peace with yourself.

I don't want to say that all sex work is bad, because I think if a person is realistic with what they want out of it and know what they are getting themselves into, and are in a place where it is legal so they can be protected from exploitation by pimps or clients, and know how to prevent getting diseases... That sex work, for the right person, can be lucrative. It would be hard, though - there is a lot of abuse, and a lot of people look down on sex workers. You would always be worried about someone finding out about your past once you quit, and you would be at a very high risk of diseases. I have also heard that once you get into it, it is hard to go back to a regular job where you make way less money for more work. These are things to consider.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Scarlett, Kira mentioned RU as where she is from - and RU is the acronym for Russia, I believe.

I understand that in many Eastern European countries, families are very closely affected by each other and are not as individualistic as in the US, UK or Canada... One fellow I was friends with in university moved to Canada for university and his parents moved with him because they couldn't conceive of not supporting each other as a family. In that sense I can understand why Kira feels that she has to do things a certain way for her parents.

Kira, you absolutely deserve to be yourself, and you deserve to have at the very least peace with yourself.

I don't want to say that all sex work is bad, because I think if a person is realistic with what they want out of it and know what they are getting themselves into, and are in a place where it is legal so they can be protected from exploitation by pimps or clients, and know how to prevent getting diseases... That sex work, for the right person, can be lucrative. It would be hard, though - there is a lot of abuse, and a lot of people look down on sex workers. You would always be worried about someone finding out about your past once you quit, and you would be at a very high risk of diseases. I have also heard that once you get into it, it is hard to go back to a regular job where you make way less money for more work. These are things to consider.


I never thought i would hear anyone especially a GG in this site suggest prostitution as being lucrative ..... aside from the abuse, disease, low self esteme, stigma etc etc. I guess im old fashioned ?

The OP has already stated thy are financially independent, At 27 in any country, it's time to stand up and be an adult. Go get a job, find an apartment, grow your hair and forget to call your parents exept when you need money like most young adults worldwide.

[_Kira_]

I understand that in many Eastern European countries, families are very closely affected by each other and are not as individualistic as in the US, UK or Canada... One fellow I was friends with in university moved to Canada for university and his parents moved with him because they couldn't conceive of not supporting each other as a family. In that sense I can understand why Kira feels that she has to do things a certain way for her parents. thank you for understanding..or at least trying to do.. as I understand there are a lot differencies between culture of western and EE countries.
You sad only about family..But power of "society"(being honesty power of gossips) is rather strong in EE contries.
My daddy 's rather respectable person in my city.
So my "freedom" can bring them shame at least(because being TS...it's shame for other people here)

My parents can become object of gossip and lost job and any respect of "society" in worst case.
At 27 in any country, it's time to stand up and be an adult. Go get a job, find an apartment, grow your hair and forget to call your parents exept when you need money like most young adults worldwide. I live alone but close to my parents.(our city is not so big..)
I have a job (with really good salary and status) .. and if I 'd be guy.. I probably 'd be happy.. but I hate this side of my life.
I hate to pretend. I hate every day when I get up and seconds when I see "his" reflection in the mirror. I tired from it. I want to be myself.


I don't want to say that all sex work is bad, because I think if a person is realistic with what they want out of it and know what they are getting themselves into, and are in a place where it is legal so they can be protected from exploitation by pimps or clients, and know how to prevent getting diseases... That sex work, for the right person, can be lucrative. It would be hard, though - there is a lot of abuse, and a lot of people look down on sex workers. You would always be worried about someone finding out about your past once you quit, and you would be at a very high risk of diseases. I have also heard that once you get into it, it is hard to go back to a regular job where you make way less money for more work. These are things to consider. I agree with you.. I don't think that most person in adult job are bad or etc. mb just life forces them to this job. Mb they have situ like my or worse.. it's wrong to judge anybody.
btw not so much jobs in this field for foreign TS/TV too.

[_Kira_]

You know Kira, a location might help people to comprehend your situation and offer help. I'll never understand why mods let this happen. I don't think so..
People prefer to judge.

[_Kira_]

Thanks everybody for advices and sorry if I disappointed anybody or disturbed..I feel that I'm piece of other world here. So awfully sorry again for all participants. And sorry for my english..my level 's too bad for normal conversation. I simply wanted to share my story and feelings to anybody..to get other opinions..but it was stupidity.. I didn't wanted to bring to anybody sadness or other bad emotions. I 'm alien here and it 's crystal clear. And I wish that dream of anybody, who red this topic, 'll come true! Au revoir!

[Babeba]

I never thought i would hear anyone especially a GG in this site suggest prostitution as being lucrative ..... aside from the abuse, disease, low self esteme, stigma etc etc. I guess im old fashioned ?

The OP has already stated thy are financially independent, At 27 in any country, it's time to stand up and be an adult. Go get a job, find an apartment, grow your hair and forget to call your parents exept when you need money like most young adults worldwide.

Call me crazy, but I think even the most outre options should be considered sometimes! I also think that everyone should have the power to choose their own sexual path, and that they should not be stigmatized so long as they are 'opt in' and not 'opt out.' I also think prostitution should be legalized to protect sex workers and help rescue those forced into trading their bodies - how likely are you going to go to the police for help if they are going to arrest you for soliciting in the first place?

For those who go into this with their eyes open, fully aware of the risks with plans to mitigate them like an awareness of how to prevent disease from infecting them and a working environment that is safer - for example, closed enough to be private and watched/open enough for emergency help - there are many highly educated women who choose to enter sex work for the money, under controlled conditions. I have even met one or two in real life.

For what it is worth, the same part of me that thinks it is okay for a woman of her own free will with full knowledge of the risks to take on sex work is the part that absolutely HATES the 'dirty ****' concept where a woman is 'just asking for it' or turned into nothing but a sex object by the people around her, or shamed for her (often presumed) sexuality. It's also the same part that wants women to be safe walking late at night downtown, or to not be blamed for being a victim of any sort of rape or sexual abuse especially from within a relationship - you know, the kind where because she said yes once the partner seems to think she can never say no. That is bullshit and there is no such thing as 'wifely duties!' :)

[LisaMallon]

Kira I have no problems with sex work. If that is your considered best option given where you are and your situation then the important thing is how to do it safely.

There is sex work and sex work. Some far more dangerous than others. What you have to do is work out the best option, that gives you what you want (money) and also gives you what you need (safety).

You really have to talk to some others in the industry there, what is best, who to avoid, what type is the best (clubs, escort, etc) and all that.

So do your homework really carefully, talk to other girls and find out everything and of course take care.
You must remain in control, don't let anyone else take over.

Never forget a lot of girls go into the industry for a short while then move onto other things, such as relationships, other jobs and so on.
So always look for options to get out of it. Look at starting part time study while you work as well.

Maybe even set a goal that you will only work in it for a certain time, say to earn enough for transition then you can move onto other things.

Very best of luck, naturally I hope it is not necessary and that you find another way.

[ReineD]

Kira, I understand your reluctance to go against your parents' wishes, not only because they feel they'd lose a son, but also I gather they'd face discrimination or ostracism in RU over having a son who transitions. But, your situation is not that different from transsexuals in this part of the world, who also must make a choice between living the way they feel they must live, and making their wives and parents happy. Many TSs risk losing important relationships over their choices.

It is a decision you will need to make, because it doesn't sound as if your parents will ever accept. You may well need to walk out of their lives if you cannot live as a man.

[Rebecca Star]

Why is a 27 year old allowing her parents to tell her what to do. They "forced" you to cut your hair? Why did you let them force you?

The act of a parent(s) of forcing their adult sibbling to do something against their will is alarming.
But it happens probably more than I think you realise.

While Kira has not disclosed which country she's from, I'm guessing it's one stepped in matters of, do x, y, z and you bring shame upon your family. That type of Doctrine runs deep. It has just as much power over a person, as the Aborgines here in Australia fear the 'Pointing of the Bone'. And I'm sure other cultures have similar beliefs deeply encrusted into their society too.

I dare say in Kira's situation, saying 'No' is not an option.


Kira I have no problems with sex work. If that is your considered best option given where you are and your situation then the important thing is how to do it safely.

There is sex work and sex work. Some far more dangerous than others. What you have to do is work out the best option, that gives you what you want (money) and also gives you what you need (safety).


I agree.

It's easy to suggest someone gets a mainstream job but unless your earning BIG bucks, which I believe Kira needs right now, anything else isn't going to fix her pressing issues. Fact is, the more cash you have the more choices you have too.

I lost a business in 2003 and was basically destitute by mid 2004. People would say just get a job. Sometimes you need more that what a mormal job can provide. While I didn't get into sex working, I took on an IT project, worked over 1,500 hours in a tad over 3 months, that got me on my feet again.

Looking back it was hard. But if I didn't do that I doubt I'd be where I am today - a new business and in a far better position that I'd have thought possible back in 2004.

[Debglam]

Sex work is not the answer.

Morality and all of that aside, the sex worker rarely is the one that makes any money from these endeavors. I have a little (legally obtained) knowledge about how this works and and these rings that move sex workers between countries are set up where the money made goes to the top. The actual sex workers see very little if any money and are brutally exploited. Sure, we read an occasional story about a "Hollywood Madame" but that sort of thing is the rare exception. The reality is slavery.

Kira,

I am sorry about your situation. There is some good advice above. If you are seeking a job to pay you to leave Russia, how about considering one of the global nanny or au pair type jobs?

Good luck,
Debby

[Babeba]

Debby,

How would the au pair or nanny job be different? It is basically the same crap labour protection, except with different Possible diseases and a lower base salary. As an IT gal, Kira could start her own webcam site.

I agree that work which is less dangerous and more in her education is better and safer, but not all types of sex work are slavery and not all types of modern slavery are sex work.

[_Kira_]

I agree that work which is less dangerous and more in her education is better and safer, but not all types of sex work are slavery and not all types of modern slavery are sex work. I have same opinion.
Anyways I didn't want to start discussion about adult jobs(something like "Is adult job bad and dangerous?" and etc).
Because it's not correct. There are peoples who 're involved in it.
They don't do anything criminal. It's just job for them.
And they ought to work in this business due their condition and reality that forces them to this job.(or not force)
And why nobody saids that somebody can works in IT or advocacy but he/she can love job or hate?
Because we think that it's usual situation. right?
So I think any job it's compromise between possibility, skills and luck.

Any work, that helps me to move to place where I can be myself(without any negative influence on my parents), is anwser for me.(But it seems to me there aren't answers in my situ or I don't see it..)

Webcam site? O_O ???

Mb I mistake but I think nobody needs TS/on beggining stage of transition as nanny or au pair..

Sorry for my bad grammar and spelling.

thanks for everybody for advices and good attitude.

sy, Kira

[Kelly DeWinter]

Call me crazy, but I think even the most outre options should be considered sometimes! I also think that everyone should have the power to choose their own sexual path, and that they should not be stigmatized so long as they are 'opt in' and not 'opt out.' I also think prostitution should be legalized to protect sex workers and help rescue those forced into trading their bodies - how likely are you going to go to the police for help if they are going to arrest you for soliciting in the first place?

For those who go into this with their eyes open, fully aware of the risks with plans to mitigate them like an awareness of how to prevent disease from infecting them and a working environment that is safer - for example, closed enough to be private and watched/open enough for emergency help - there are many highly educated women who choose to enter sex work for the money, under controlled conditions. I have even met one or two in real life.

For what it is worth, the same part of me that thinks it is okay for a woman of her own free will with full knowledge of the risks to take on sex work is the part that absolutely HATES the 'dirty ****' concept where a woman is 'just asking for it' or turned into nothing but a sex object by the people around her, or shamed for her (often presumed) sexuality. It's also the same part that wants women to be safe walking late at night downtown, or to not be blamed for being a victim of any sort of rape or sexual abuse especially from within a relationship - you know, the kind where because she said yes once the partner seems to think she can never say no. That is bullshit and there is no such thing as 'wifely duties!' :)

Babeba,

I won't call you crazy .... but ...... I respect you for your convictions, however in no study or country has legalized prostitution 'empowered' anyone, in fact it really serves to entrap people in a life of abuse,disease and in the majority of cases drugs. What happend to the femminest movement that called for equal oportunities,wages ect, so that women would not have to rely on sex for self respect and equality ? The OP would trade existing finacial/mental freedom for a life of problems ? Prostitution as a career choice ???? Puuuullllleeezeeee !

[ReineD]

I'll put in my two cents about prostitution. My mother had a neighbor with two adult daughters. One was putting herself through med school (or was it law school). Anyway, she was a stripper in an upscale club and she also took on johns on the side. It was completely under her control and she got the money she needed for school with the least amount of time investment which allowed her time for study.

I rather admired her for this. She maintained a sharp focus of who she was and she didn't lose herself in the process. I'm sure that her situation is not the norm though. I gather that many prostitutes are at the mercy of pimps and this is a situation that I don't condone, since the prostitute is being taken advantage of.

[Jorja]

Having had some experience in at least part of this, here are my thoughts. Having already had SRS and well healed up, I spent a couple of years as a stripper to pay for college. I did not engage in prostitution myself but many of the other girls did. Like Reine said, As long as a sharp focus is maintained and you do not get lost in the process, money can be made fast. Whatever you do do not get involved with a pimp. You will be taken advantage of. There are risks in this though. STDs, abuse, and drugs not to mention the obsessed fan might take your life.

[_Kira_]

ok ok ok.. I understood.. and anyways I'm simply tired overmuch.. so if anybody has any ideas about job (include "adult" of job) send me in PM.. I'm loosing control..((

[Babeba]

I knew a girl working her way through an Honour's degree in social sciences by being a shooter girl - she dressed in practically nothing and fed customers alcohol from various body parts for tips. She made a darn good wage doing it, too. I don't know if she went on to her real 'career' with as much money coming in to her.

For successful sex workers I would suggest Brooke Magnanti (blogger Belle du Jour) who worked as a call girl while doing her Ph.D, wrote a blog about it that was turned into a book and a television series (Secret Diary of a Call Girl) and managed to keep her identity hidden for about five years until someone threatened to out her with her IP and she responded by revealing herself. Her employer (a hospital where she is a child health scientist) was very supportive of her. Heather Mills McCartney is another former call girl. There are countless sex workers and strippers who have been photographed with celebrity clients and made a killing off interviews right afterwards, often leaving the trade or segueing into something like modelling, music or fashion design. Several sex workers, like Diane Hutton and Melissa Petro left sex work to take up the teaching profession - leading to questions about whether a person is 'tainted' by having sex, where you draw that line and what sort of person can be a teacher.

The problem is, most people thinking of sex work think of a street walker (the most dangerous type of prostitution: most likely to have a pimp controlling them and taking their money, be drug addicted, abused, assaulted by a customer, the whole nine yards). There are so many different types of sex work, and if a person is mentally up for the work and will treat it as work not as self esteem fodder like Reine mentioned, is in a position to be safe with their work (in a country where sex work is legal and regulated as much as possible) and has an exit strategy (you are not going to be young and pretty/exotic forever, so you need to know what you will do next so you do not get stuck with being paid less and less for more and more abusive clients; this might be why students seem to be successful? They know they are done with that when their schooling is done?) there is every chance they will not end up as a drug addicted, herpes raddled victims. Jorja does bring up a good point - there are some crazy, crazy people out there. I think the only people involved in sex work who are potentially safe from that is pornography actors (including web cam actors, the people who strip/pose/engage in sexual activities on a web cam where clients pay to see certain amounts of footage) who have some privacy from their customers in terms of where they live and whatnot.

One of the feminist positions that I definitely take is that every person old enough to deeply understand ALL the potential consequences has the right to decide what happens to their own body. Sex is not shameful just because it is private. It doesn't even have to be private if everyone exposed/involved is a consenting adult. Just because I wouldn't do something doesn't give me the moral right to judge others, and everyone deserves to be safe in the workplace!

[_Kira_]

ohhh.. it seems to me nobody listens me.. I don't think that sex job it's something bad..I suppose nobody can judge other peoples.
And I didn't want to start this polemic..

[ReineD]

OK Kira. Sorry. I'm guilty of getting into it too ... I was responding to someone else.

We'll take it that you didn't mean it when you said, "but i'm ready to sell soul and body(I mean to work in adult services abroad..just far from my country"

Let's all get back to solutions for Kira that don't consider sex work.

[_Kira_]

If you 'd know that you 'd have just one way to become yourself..would you think is it bad job or good? It 's getting harder and harder for me to control myself.

And I' m awfully sorry that I opened "adult job" discussion..It's mostly my fault..

[ReineD]

And I' m awfully sorry that I opened "adult job" discussion..It's mostly my fault..

Oh, that's OK. I think some people just misunderstood what you were saying.


If you 'd know that you 'd have just one way to become yourself..would you think is it bad job or good? It 's getting harder and harder for me to control myself.

Sorry, I don't understand your question. What is "the one way" to become yourself, exactly? Are you meaning leaving your family and your country?

[_Kira_]

I mean any job(include adult job) that can bring me possibility to leave my country(and find place for transition) and don't make prob for my parents.

[ReineD]

Well, if by "adult job" you mean prostitution, then you'll want to make sure somehow that you won't be taken advantage of and that also it will be worth your while financially. I know that among the GG prostitutes there are several levels of clientele: the very wealthy clients who go for the rather exclusive call girls (like my neighbor's daughter), down to the street level types with bad pimps, drugs, and little money that is barely enough to live on, let alone save up for SRS.

I've no idea how you could find the right venue for yourself, or the right country to do it in since the opportunities to be taken advantage of are numerous, especially if you do not know the country that you are thinking about moving to. It might be best to get an IT job somewhere else first, live and work there for awhile, establish connections, investigate the sex work field (if you decide that you need more money), and then take it from there.

As to your parents, I know that you feel that coming out where you live will cause them trouble and you wish to avoid this because you love them. But please know that if you leave your country to go elsewhere to transition, they will still be heartbroken. You mentioned earlier that they insisted you get your haircut. Have you spoken to them at all about being a transsexual? Do they know the difference between a transsexual, a crossdresser, or even a drag queen?

[_Kira_]

I didn't mean pr****ion exactly(I think pr****ion... is overmuch rude word).
Also I don't think that street kind of this job can bring me anywhere.(it seems to me it 'd be too costly for street "employer")
I 'm off alchohol and cigarettes ( so drugs and me.. it 's something unreal)
And I simply sad that if It 'd be price of my transition that I'm ready to this "price".(it doesn't mean that I dream about sex job!!!)

mmmm.. I asked about tolerant to TS countries.. And also I asked about countries where I can move asap...
And I need advice!!!
If I 'd find country where I can live as I'm , work as I'm and start transition.. and it' d be enough for me.. I don't think that I need anything else..
Just life.. where I'm ME.

I know that I 'll brake their hearts.. but I won't brake their life.
otherways it 'll especially hard for my farther .. He started as junior specialist.. and He is senior official in my region now. He has perfect reputation.
And just imagine that gossip that 'd brake his life, career.. I cann't do it. I cann't brake life of my sis and mom.
I think better disappoint them or "brake" their hearts then to destroy their life.
my parents know who I'm..I tryed to explain them who I'm but they sad that I have to live within the framework of ru society rules...

[ReineD]

mmmm.. I asked about tolerant to TS countries.. And also I asked about countries where I can move asap...
And I need advice!!!
If I 'd find country where I can live as I'm , work as I'm and start transition.. and it' d be enough for me.. I don't think that I need anything else..
Just life.. where I'm ME.

Hopefully our TS members can start posting again to give you advice. I know that where I live (Canada & the US), it's not easy to live as a woman during a transition time while you still look like a man (there is still a lot of bias here). I've no idea what the conditions are like in Europe, certain parts of Asia, or Australia.

[_Kira_]

Hopefully our TS members can start posting again to give you advice
mmm...mb mb..
but it seems to me discussion about adult job is greatly more interesting for members than main topic.
Anyways thx for reply, advices and trying to help.

[ReineD]

but it seems to me discussion about adult job is greatly more interesting for members than main topic.

No. I rather think that our transwomen members stopped posting in this thread precisely because we were talking about adult jobs, to use your term. There are some very sad stories here about transsexuals who must resort to prostituting themselves because there is no other way to make money. The risk of HIV is very high and street life is dangerous for transwomen, because there is a risk they will run into men who are homophobic and who will kill them for being trans. We didn't discuss this earlier, but it is an unfortunate reality of street life for a transwoman.

You should watch this video about transsexuals in many parts of the world:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?175742-If-you-haven-t-seen-this-it-will-give-your-brain-a-run-for-it-s-money

[_Kira_]

I'm not child I know what I can face on transition stage(and after)..
situ in RU http://www.comingoutspb.ru/en/en-home
and it's situ in central part of RU(Sant Petesburg is one of two capitals of Ru)..so how it looks in province you can guess easily.
:cry:
mmm.. I'm sorry if I brought sad and negative thinkings for anybody who red this topic.. I simply wanted to share my prob and get any advices or help.
But as I understood I just offended memebers..(((
:sad:
It's never happened again..

[Babeba]

Kira, I'm sorry for ranting on your thread. I really started out meaning to support you if that was the only way that you felt you could manage to transition was to take on a job with an adult service focus (though definitely not on the street, that is a horrible place for anyone) and ended up off the topic of you dealing with your problems. If you would like, I can ask one of the moderators from this section to move the posts that were more about sex work to a new thread in the lounge.


The documentary that Reine linked to mentioned that Buddhists seem to react well to transgendered people, it fits into their beliefs. Perhaps a country or a city with a large Buddhist population? In some of them you would have to be careful about tourists.

I still think that language skills will be very important for you to keep working on. I definitely admire people who post on the Internet in languages other than the one they grew up with, this type of immersion will definitely help you!

I know that for me, working on smaller goals that lead to the larger goal helps me to get there. The TSes on here who are transitioning focus on one set of procedures at a time, like getting an orchiectomy or doing FFS, before eventually getting a vaginoplasty (or doing vaginoplasty and then later worrying about breast implants) while juggling the emotional parts of it, coming out or not to the people around them, and doing all the other things you need to do in life. Each step you take can help you feel just a little bit more whole, hopefully at least enough that you stay sane and don't do something you have already decided is too dangerous or unappealing to you, or try to hurt yourself.

[_Kira_]

Why people don't understand us? Why they can't simply to give us a chance to live as we want?
It would be better if I close this topic for myself.
I'm at the end of my rope..And when I think about my situ..I see just darkness everywhere..and no escape from.
Thx everybody for replies, advices and support.
xoxo, Kira

[Jorja]

Kira,
I don't know how life is in RU. It is one of only a few countries I have never been. Here in the USA you can be who and what you are or want to be if you want it bad enough. That does not mean that you will not take verbal or physical abuse or be discriminated against to get to that place where you want to be. In our case, that is male becoming a female. We go against everything people were ever taught about gender and society. It scares people. When people are scared they lash out. Then you have the religious fanatics who decry everything and anything that goes against thier interpretation of how one should conduct themselves. You are right, it is very difficult to transition and just be the person you want or need to be.

If you know in your heart and mind that transition is right for you, you just do it. You go against all odds. You risk losing your family. You risk financial ruin. You risk abuse and discrimination because you know it is right for you. I can't tell you where to live to escape any of this. I don't think there is such a place.

Can one be successful if they transition? My answer is yes. It is all up to you though. If you sit on the couch and whine and cry about how bad you are being treated that is right where you will stay. If you get up and go out into the world and prove you are the best at something, if you give people no choice but to accept you, then yes, you can be successful. Here is the key to it all. It is up to you to just do it.

[ReineD]

I'm sorry if I brought sad and negative thinkings for anybody who red this topic.. I simply wanted to share my prob and get any advices or help.
But as I understood I just offended memebers..(((
:sad:
It's never happened again..

No! You're new and whatever you need to talk about is understood and it does not offend anyone. I'm just saying that our members likely don't have much to offer when it comes to giving advice about adult work, because they are not directing their lives in that direction.

Just keep talking to people here and even though a solution to your dilemma may not materialize right away, at least you will be talking to others who feel the same way you do.

[sarmil]

The best thing you can do is move out of that house. Find a roommate or three. Get a job or three. Your life is more important than your families opinion. You do not bring shame to your family, your family shames you for making you live by there rules and standards. You are 27 years old, nobody puts baby in a corner, unless you let them. Maybe your family will come to accept you, maybe they won't. ITS YOU LIFE GIRL, LIVE IT.

[_Kira_]

sarmil , I live alone. My parents live in my city.. I don't live in their house.. I don't mind about anything.. but local people have special mentality.
And if I 'll brake life of my relative it 'll be overmuch.

Jorja , I never sad that I want ideal and comfortable conditions.. I simply want that my transition won't be end of my parents'(and all relatives) life.
I want just place where I can move .. where I can work(I don't mind if I 'll be discriminated and abused or not..)..
I asked about any job and any place (include adult kind of job and I absolutely don't mind about country)..
I'm not choosing best place.. I simply want to find escape. So if i'd be Phillipines and job in some strip club ... So I'm ready for that((
I simply want to find place and possibility to move there asap.
Sorry for my awful grammar.

[Babeba]

Kira,

Choose a place that has a Russian consulate or embassy, and that you feel safe going to. Please be very careful with what you do for work - being a second language speaker means it is easier to take advantage of you - it is harder for you to go to authorities if you have problems. Once you are away from your parents and people who know them I think you will be able to be yourself more and that will help a lot - especially if you can get an IT job!

I would not recommend trying to get an adult industry job from outside the country to apply for a work visa with, and I would make sure (if I were you) that I did all my paperwork myself. I have heard of too many women who have had their passports stolen, visas forged, and forced into virtual slavery because their "employer" had too much control of them from cheat and fraud.

[_Kira_]

Babeba , thank you for advice..I know you sad right things..and it's absolutely logical..
but being TS is unlogical thing by definition..
I think it'd be better to disappear for me((
if everything 'd be so easier as you think..I probably 'd be happy.