truth and nothing but the truth, so help your self!

[Inna]

Yet again one of the reoccurring themes sponsored my need to write. And what I am going to write may not be exactly cheerful nor pleasant but at least I feel that it is something I have believed in since my decision to go with it.

What I am getting at is an issue of congruence, and its illusive nature as it relates to us, to trans-folks in transition.
When I decided that I shall be MAN no more, (still retaining my rights of belonging to homo-sapiens family though) and set my sails towards the illusive and over the horizon land of femaleness, I still wanted to preserve respect and acceptance from people who would come in contact with me while I was changing.

Such determination was strong as I felt that if I provoke unintentional reactions to my presentation I will fall a victim to depressive moods and inevitable discontent. So after starting my hormone treatment I still gave full attention to making sure I wore clothing which wouldn't signal attention nor confusion in the eye of an observer, clothing which could have gone both ways, sort of gender neutral.

I have gradually switched over to the women's t-shirts, jeans and flats, but still kept the style of dressing gender neutral and in the sense, allowed the onlooker to make up their own judgement without forcing an issue onto them and in the process making them responsible for a critical assessment!

Basically what I am talking about is the RESPECT for others whom I would interact with, not burdening them with my own gender issues.
I am also aware of the idea of total disconnect from reality of some of trans folks who bluntly walk into transition with 5" heels, mini skirts, and a blond Farrah Fawcett wig on, despite their obviousness in appearance only wondering why they are being looked at somewhat critically, well.......duh!

So here is my question:

How did you keep the balance between continuous need to be looked at as a woman and realization that such will take some time and did you express your fem through obvious clothing choices or were you somewhat quiet in your choice of attire?????

[Michelle.M]

Wow, Inna, that is a fascinating question! I love it when you post something that I find thought-provoking.

I'll digress even before I start by pointing out that the topic of how we dress and why we make the fashion choices we do is a regular issue on this forum, so I won't rekindle any previous debates. But before I can get to the essence of your question I have to consider my own transition-evolution.

One day in therapy I remarked that I was amazed (and even a little shocked) at the way some transwomen (never seems to be an issue with transmen) present themselves. Sl**ty, not to put too fine a point on it. I wondered aloud "Is this how they actually see women?" I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to transition to something that I perceived as a mere caricature of womanhood, if even that. It seemed to me that these people were deliberately handicapping themselves and their own development as women.

My therapist pointed out something I had not considered, that as people in transition we share various attributes with GGs as they transition through their natural development and socialization. An adolescent GG will try various styles and looks and adopt a variety of attitudes and personae in her attempts to find her voice, to find her style and to establish herself as her own person.

It's the same for us, except that our adolescence is rather abbreviated and frequently happens much later in life, and often without the benefit of a mom or a big sister or girlfriends to help us along. We don't have a disapproving father who will insist that we are NOT going out of the house looking like that, young lady! It sort of follows that we'll make some HUGE mistakes as we attempt to find our look, and that usually means we err toward the side of trampiness.

I tried hard not to make those errors, but even so when I look at images of myself from earlier in my transition I am not exactly impressed. That's a delicate way of saying that I was hideous, yet at the time it seemed appropriate and was the best I could do.

So that tendency toward skyscraper heels and short skirts isn't necessarily a total disconnect, and may even be appropriate once the girl has found her style and can successfully own it. Truth be told, I now can get away with much slinkier stuff than before, but now I wear it in the appropriate place and time and it suits my style. In fact, I wore an LBD and tall heels for a date just last week (and I looked fabulous!), but I'd never wear that to church.


How did you keep the balance between continuous need to be looked at as a woman and realization that such will take some time . . .

Paradoxically, I eventually came to the conclusion that it would come faster and be truer if I just stopped worrying about it and concentrated on my own transition. And I helped myself most by emphasizing my INTERNAL transition and letting the external things like wardrobe take the appropriate level of importance in my life.


. . . and did you express your fem through obvious clothing choices or were you somewhat quiet in your choice of attire?????

Yes and yes. Part of being properly gendered by society requires that people respond to the visual cues I give. That includes wardrobe, makeup, grooming, speech and deportment. So I have always chosen to make obviously feminine wardrobe choices, but not necessarily provocative ones. At first my choices were more "obvious" than they are now, but now that I have a more developed sense of personal style my choices are appropriate and I am indistinguishable from any other soccer mom in a sundress or capris out doing her grocery shopping.

The important thing is (and by the way, GG fashion advice often emphasizes this point) is to dress your age! I know one transgirl who favors the Goth look. She's in her 20's it looks good. It's appropriate for her age. But there is absolutely no way she'd ever look right in any of my tailored suits or flowered sundresses, just as I generally can't shop in a store that caters to juniors.

Appearance is just one of the many aspects of finding your female self. It'll come when it comes, but just like a GG we're gonna make some mistakes.

[Lorileah]

*looks at 5" heels and mini skirt, wondering why this is a bad thing?*

Some GG's like to be noticed in public also so throwing everyone in the same wash is going to get you pink panties.

Michelle made an excellent point, I like to think of most people on theses boards as newly minted. Similar to a teenager, you wear things that get attention or don't quite work. When you out grow that you thought of as maturing. I honestly doubt I would want to blend into the wall paper ever. I already do that and have done that for over 50 years. Not sure what "dress your age" means either as I met a wonderful woman in her 80's who still rocked a short skirt and heels. Maybe that is meant to dress as old as you feel. I will say to Michelle though that one persons "Sl*tty" is another person's sexy or even comfortable. I know women who never wear flats unless they are at the gym. I know women who never leave the house sans makeup.

It comes down, I think, to wearing what you like to wear (and I will throw out a weasel word here..in "context" which may be as bad as age appropriate). I think everyday life. You wear what fits the situation you will be in that day. Jeans and T-shirt for house work, running errands, picking up the kids... Personally (and this was what my late GF thought also) is that even certain things should NEVER be worn in public. You make that decision though. You will get as many looks in hole ridden sweats as you would in a mini. On a daily basis most people wouldn't notice you unless you were on fire and then they would only glance and go back to what they were doing. In my personal opinion, it is more attitude than clothing.

[Jorja]

I will agree with what has been said already with the exception of one thing. Seeing a 50 - 80 year old woman in a mini and 5" heels or sl*tty clothing. It is not very appealing to anyone. So while I agree it is more attitude than clothing, there are limits to everything. Expermint, find your style, find the clothing that looks good on you. A little Common Sense can go a long way.

[Inna]

*looks at 5" heels and mini skirt, wondering why this is a bad thing?*

Some GG's like to be noticed in public also so throwing everyone in the same wash is going to get you pink panties.

Michelle made an excellent point, I like to think of most people on theses boards as newly minted. Similar to a teenager, you wear things that get attention or don't quite work. When you out grow that you thought of as maturing. I honestly doubt I would want to blend into the wall paper ever. I already do that and have done that for over 50 years. Not sure what "dress your age" means either as I met a wonderful woman in her 80's who still rocked a short skirt and heels. Maybe that is meant to dress as old as you feel. I will say to Michelle though that one persons "Sl*tty" is another person's sexy or even comfortable. I know women who never wear flats unless they are at the gym. I know women who never leave the house sans makeup.

It comes down, I think, to wearing what you like to wear (and I will throw out a weasel word here..in "context" which may be as bad as age appropriate). I think everyday life. You wear what fits the situation you will be in that day. Jeans and T-shirt for house work, running errands, picking up the kids... Personally (and this was what my late GF thought also) is that even certain things should NEVER be worn in public. You make that decision though. You will get as many looks in hole ridden sweats as you would in a mini. On a daily basis most people wouldn't notice you unless you were on fire and then they would only glance and go back to what they were doing. In my personal opinion, it is more attitude than clothing.

I think I might had not been clear in my posting or maybe you have interpreted it bit wrongly! I do not contemplate age appropriateness versus natal GG wearing provocative or what ever.

But I speak of TRANSITIONING TRANSGENDERS who are still oozing masculinity, yet adoring the attire which can be only construed as nothing but specifically, women's!

[Frances]

I did exactly like you Inna. I dressed in a tomboyish way for the longest time. I still do somewhat, but my body has caught up, and I have more choices. Nobody was ever confused about my gender regardless. The only people that have had a problem with the way I dress are transitioners who exagerate their femininity. I have been scolded at group meetings and have been subjected to jugement regarding my clothes. At work, it's been the opposite. GG's think I overdo it sometimes, and all I wear are jeans and t-shirts. Go figure.

[Inna]

I did exactly like you Inna. I dressed in a tomboyish way for the longest time. I still do somewhat, but my body has caught up, and I have more choices. Nobody was ever confused about my gender regardless. The only people that have had a problem with the way I dress are transitioners who exagerate their femininity. I have been scolded at group meetings and have been subjected to jugement regarding my clothes. At work, it's been the opposite. GG's think I overdo it sometimes, and all I wear are jeans and t-shirts. Go figure.

I seriously sympathize with your position, it was just the same for me, and I still go for easy fit of jeans and a T rather then 4" heels and couture fashion, however there are those times where it requires such. I too was scorned, not once, by the mostly cross-dressing individuals in the group for not wearing a skirt and heels, to them I used to rebuttal: "It is not cloth that makes a woman" I am not sure they ever got it, lOl!

[Lorileah]

I think I might had not been clear in my posting or maybe you have interpreted it bit wrongly! I do not contemplate age appropriateness versus natal GG wearing provocative or what ever. the Age appropriate was from a post that was answering your question. Not from your OP


But I speak of TRANSITIONING TRANSGENDERS who are still oozing masculinity, yet adoring the attire which can be only construed as nothing but specifically, women's!

I have met several TS's (since I believe that is what you mean by transitioning, not a CD or DQ or GQ person)who will never appear anything but masculine. They look the way they look not matter how much money or surgery you do they will be manly. Their choice of clothing has not always been what I would choose to wear. I am a firm believer in wear what you like (no matter what age). If someone doesn't like it they don't have to look. I am sure that when I talked with them (often in a business setting where they were working) I probably did a double take or something similar. However, they were happy with what they had on. But truly the clothing they wore just didn't fit what I expected in that context

Never say that "it is not appealing to anyone" It is not appealing to you but it may have been very much appealing to their target audience. Tastes vary. That is one thing that is very evident here in this forum.

[kellycan27]

But I speak of TRANSITIONING TRANSGENDERS who are still oozing masculinity, yet adoring the attire which can be only construed as nothing but specifically, women's!

Sounds to me like you are saying ... if one doesn't look like a woman then they should not dress as one, and in order that they not "offend" other people's sensibilities, they should dress in a manner that is more neutral in nature. What's the difference to you if a TG with definite masculine traits dresses "over the top" or wears a "summer dress and flats"? Where do you draw the line on who should be allowed to wear what in order that they not offend? Jeans and t-shirts until they have FFS and remove those masculine features? If they don't look like you... they shouldn't dress like you? Sorry but this thread sounds a bit elitist to me. I get what you are saying about over the top, but it appears from your statement that those who don't appear female should stay away from anything that could be construed as ... woman's wear.

Kel

[ReineD]

I will agree with what has been said already with the exception of one thing. Seeing a 50 - 80 year old woman in a mini and 5" heels or sl*tty clothing. It is not very appealing to anyone. So while I agree it is more attitude than clothing, there are limits to everything. Expermint, find your style, find the clothing that looks good on you. A little Common Sense can go a long way.

I agree with this. There are very few GGs past the age of (let's give a range ... 40s to 50s depending on their DNA) who can get away with wearing the clothes that a twenty-something wears to a nightclub. Even then, twenty-somethings don't wear these clothes to the mall or to work.

But I gather you are asking more about dressing in a manner that leaves no doubt as to a full feminine expression (even if the style of dress is demure), vs. wearing clothes that are more feminine looking than male clothes yet that still have an androgynous appearance (such as slacks worn with a collared blouse)?

As an outsider, I can say that if I know this person is transitioning, then I would totally accept her presentation as a woman with makeup, skirts, heels, and all, providing the style of dress fits in with the venue (no clubwear or club-style makeup in an office for example).

[Frances]

Sounds to me like you are saying ... if one doesn't look like a woman then they should not dress as one, and in order that they not "offend" other people's sensibilities, they should dress in a manner that is more neutral in nature. What's the difference to you if a TG with definite masculine traits dresses "over the top" or wears a "summer dress and flats"? Where do you draw the line on who should be allowed to wear what in order that they not offend? Jeans and t-shirts until they have FFS and remove those masculine features? If they don't look like you... they shouldn't dress like you? Sorry but this thread sounds a bit elitist to me. I get what you are saying about over the top, but it appears from your statement that those who don't appear female should stay away from anything that could be construed as ... woman's wear.

Kel

I did not have FFS or any other surgery apart from SRS. My body was not overly feminine. Some women's bodies are not super feminine either, yet nobody ever screamed insults at them. Yet, some people would show up at group meetings telling stories about how they were shouted out and insulted on their way to some place or other. Most often, they were older and wearing outfits that looked like a mix of prostitute wear and thrift shop finds. Some wearing more elegant stuff would still get heckled on the street. This is the people who were telling me that I was dressed like a lesbian.

Why is it that women without hips or breasts can dress anyway they want, but transitioners get spotted and called-out all the time? For myself, my biggest priority was feminizing my body, not my clothes. I invested over $20,000 on hair removal, and took phytoestrogens and Finasteride for years before starting HRT, and I worked on my voice. Even wearing my L-Word boywear for girl clothes, I passed all the time. Now, the women I am talking about with the super short skirts and crazy heals sound like guys and have facial hair showing through the thick make-up. No outfit is feminine enough to counter the perception of them as men.

It's not about an elitist, it's about having priorities.

[ReineD]

Why is it that women without hips or breasts can dress anyway they want, but transitioners get spotted and called-out all the time?

In my prior answer, I was thinking about an environment such as work or being with friends, where people know she is transitioning. I was not considering being out in public among strangers.

I don't know why this is other than a huge lack of understanding about transsexuality. If all of our society was aware and accepted it, there would be no need to try to fit within an appearance that is decidedly one gender or another, while someone is transitioning. So I guess a transitioning TS has a choice: just be who she is and damn the rest, or present in a way that is decidedly feminine, even if this means wearing a wig while her hair is growing out and makeup while HRT is doing it's work?

Not to get off topic too much, but if a GG has chemo and loses her hair why would she choose to wear a wig while it grows back in? Or why do women with mastectomies choose to buy prosthetics, or an amputee wants a prosthetic leg to wear with a shoe? I'm not comparing transsexuality with a disability or a sickness, but I am saying that even people who do solidly identify with their birth genders feel they need to present in a way that is not different from the norm, if they can.


Now, the women I am talking about with the super short skirts and crazy heals sound like guys and have facial hair showing through the thick make-up. No outfit is feminine enough to counter the perception of them as men.

As to the CDers who go out with visible beard shadows, caricature makeup, and exaggerated clothes, I should think that most of them keep to the nightclubs? I know several dozen CDers who attend my SO's support group and they do not dress like this. In fact, apart from the TSs who have had FFS and save for one or two CDers who do not dress often, I cannot tell who is transitioning and who is not (meaning that they look like respectable ladies to me). :) Granted, the average age of the group is the 50s.

[Frances]

I am not refering to CDers in my posts. Strictly self-identified trans women.

[Anna Lorree]

Inna,

I find this post to be very timely for me, as I see myself at the very start of my own transition, whatever form it will eventually take. I have purposefully not yet read any of the other replies in this thread. Currently, I am getting ready to go visit my dentist for an annual checkup and cleaning. I am wearing women's Wrangler jeans, in a very plain cut. They pass as gender neutral, however I know that they are women's, which helps me with the dysphoria to a small degree. Beneath those are Hanes bikini panties, however nobody else should see those. With them I am wearing a man's t-shirts. I wear prescription glasses which, because of how narrow my face is, are female frames (all of my glasses have to be). Again, they are fairly neutral, however. My hair is an androgynous cut, which is changed from the very male cut I used to wear.

At this stage for me, I choose to dress in a gender neutral manner so that I can get away with not feeling like I am dressing like a man, yet not looking like a man in a dress. Slowly I have altered my own grooming by tweezing my eyebrows, growing my finger nails a bit longer, moisturizing, and so on. Additionally my toenails are painted a nice feminine color, while my fingernails are in a satin clear coat.

Oddly, while I was formulating my reply, I started by thinking about what I would do when I started to transition. However noting what I have already changed from my base male self of 5 years ago, I changed my wording because I have already begun to transition. Until now, that thought had not yet struck me. I think I actually decided to transition several years ago, but I am just now starting to accept that fact. In fact, I am starting to realize that in some ways I really want it.

Anna

[Inna]

Sounds to me like you are saying ... if one doesn't look like a woman then they should not dress as one, and in order that they not "offend" other people's sensibilities, they should dress in a manner that is more neutral in nature. What's the difference to you if a TG with definite masculine traits dresses "over the top" or wears a "summer dress and flats"? Where do you draw the line on who should be allowed to wear what in order that they not offend? Jeans and t-shirts until they have FFS and remove those masculine features? If they don't look like you... they shouldn't dress like you? Sorry but this thread sounds a bit elitist to me. I get what you are saying about over the top, but it appears from your statement that those who don't appear female should stay away from anything that could be construed as ... woman's wear.

Kel

In fact what I am getting at is not the fact of wearing this or wearing that, but that I have read several angry recollections by transitioners, who got a slew of harsh criticism from the onlookers! What I am after is that we our selves own the ability to present gracefully within the society we live in, and if someone willingly crosses those boundaries shouldn't be surprised by prejudice they feel in response to their presentation!

Now many times I feel such presentation is NOT deliberate but simply these poor girls just do not know any better, and that is why I am posing the question!


@ ANNA, I am glad you didn't read all the answers as you truly got the essence of the post! I feel that despite the need of many, needing to present the full-on woman, they indirectly cause their dysphoria to heighten due to rejection they encounter from societal strict and rigid conformity rules!

[kellycan27]

I did not have FFS or any other surgery apart from SRS. My body was not overly feminine. Some women's bodies are not super feminine either, yet nobody ever screamed insults at them. Yet, some people would show up at group meetings telling stories about how they were shouted out and insulted on their way to some place or other. Most often, they were older and wearing outfits that looked like a mix of prostitute wear and thrift shop finds. Some wearing more elegant stuff would still get heckled on the street. This is the people who were telling me that I was dressed like a lesbian.

Why is it that women without hips or breasts can dress anyway they want, but transitioners get spotted and called-out all the time? For myself, my biggest priority was feminizing my body, not my clothes. I invested over $20,000 on hair removal, and took phytoestrogens and Finasteride for years before starting HRT, and I worked on my voice. Even wearing my L-Word boywear for girl clothes, I passed all the time. Now, the women I am talking about with the super short skirts and crazy heals sound like guys and have facial hair showing through the thick make-up. No outfit is feminine enough to counter the perception of them as men.

It's not about an elitist, it's about having priorities.


But I speak of TRANSITIONING TRANSGENDERS who are still oozing masculinity, yet adoring the attire which can be only construed as nothing but specifically, women's! I was addressing this statement. Wouldn't a simple skirt and blouse be construed as specifically woman's' by the majority? I already mentioned that "I get" over the top. A 50 year old in short skirt and 5" heels may be over the top to you, but what about the TS who might be unusually tall, or muscular TS with a square jaw? Is there going to be an outfit feminine enough to counter the perception of them as men? if not.. should they just resign themselves to dressing as men as to not offend the sensibilities of the GP or people who are more fortunate than themselves? You drew the the line for yourself.. which is fine, The OP seems to be drawing the line for herself, "as well as for others". Where is the cut off point between looking masculine and feminine, and who decided it? Should masculine looking women not dress feminine, because they don't fit someone Else's definition of feminine?

[LeaP]

I am wearing women's Wrangler jeans, in a very plain cut. They pass as gender neutral, however I know that they are women's, which helps me with the dysphoria to a small degree. Beneath those are Hanes bikini panties, however nobody else should see those. With them I am wearing a man's t-shirts. I wear prescription glasses which, because of how narrow my face is, are female frames (all of my glasses have to be). Again, they are fairly neutral, however. My hair is an androgynous cut, which is changed from the very male cut I used to wear.

At this stage for me, I choose to dress in a gender neutral manner so that I can get away with not feeling like I am dressing like a man, yet not looking like a man in a dress. Slowly I have altered my own grooming by tweezing my eyebrows, growing my finger nails a bit longer, moisturizing, and so on. Additionally my toenails are painted a nice feminine color, while my fingernails are in a satin clear coat.

... I think I actually decided to transition several years ago, but I am just now starting to accept that fact. In fact, I am starting to realize that in some ways I really want it.


You could be describing me. I've wondered at times whether or not I started transition last year.


In fact what I am getting at is not the fact of wearing this or wearing that, but that I have read several angry recollections by transitioners, who got a slew of harsh criticism from the onlookers! What I am after is that we our selves own the ability to present gracefully within the society we live in, and if someone willingly crosses those boundaries shouldn't be surprised by prejudice they feel in response to their presentation!

Now many times I feel such presentation is NOT deliberate but simply these poor girls just do not know any better, and that is why I am posing the question!

When I first read the OP, I thought it one of the more interesting I had read in a while. Your first motive in a more neutral presentation was to avoid issues for yourself (e.g., depressive reactions). The second stage, however, involved a motive I've seen mentioned nowhere else - consideration for the onlooker (your word).

There's a fine line between the respect for which you are striving versus being free to be yourself. The line is crossed when you feel you cannot or should not dress as you wish.

Even if you dress down entirely out of the motives you cite, I am uneasy, though. This is unlike other kinds of disruptive and provocative activity which also are legal. Someone blasting music out their windows up to 10:00 PM (or whatever is permissible locally) is within their rights, but is being a jerk. Any objection to your dress, however, is entirely based on ignorance and prejudice. Why should you have to pander to that?

[ReineD]

I am not refering to CDers in my posts. Strictly self-identified trans women.

Ooops, sorry. I've got to say though that I've never seen transwomen dress like that other than in pictures that are meant to be private, or in nightclubs, which is OK. But maybe this is because I live in the midwest. I've even worn a racy thing or two in nightclubs on occasion, until my SO very politely and nicely told me that (ahem) maybe I shouldn't (I'm in my 50s). lol

This is a slight tangent but there's a phenomena I'd like to share here and I wonder if others have also noticed this. In women's clothing catalogs we often see an alluring image of a young beauty dressed to the nines, happily frolicking in a field of flowers. Or the young business woman in an urban area looking absolutely glam wearing a form fitting business suit with killer 4 inch heels and her blouse unbuttoned just enough to make the appearance look sexy, but entirely appropriate.

In real life, if any of us were to dress like that either in a field or at the office, we'd look sorely out of place, primarily because most of us don't look like those models. So maybe there is a disconnect between the perfectly acceptable, sexy woman look one sees in catalogs, and how this look works on real people in real places? And it takes a while to learn this?

[Anna Lorree]

@ ANNA, I am glad you didn't read all the answers as you truly got the essence of the post! I feel that despite the need of many, needing to present the full-on woman, they indirectly cause their dysphoria to heighten due to rejection they encounter from societal strict and rigid conformity rules!

Other than how this may affect my marriage, the fear of social rejection is the greatest source of anxiety I have regarding transition.

Anna

[kellycan27]

In fact what I am getting at is not the fact of wearing this or wearing that, but that I have read several angry recollections by transitioners, who got a slew of harsh criticism from the onlookers! What I am after is that we our selves own the ability to present gracefully within the society we live in, and if someone willingly crosses those boundaries shouldn't be surprised by prejudice they feel in response to their presentation!

Now many times I feel such presentation is NOT deliberate but simply these poor girls just do not know any better, and that is why I am posing the question!


@ ANNA, I am glad you didn't read all the answers as you truly got the essence of the post! I feel that despite the need of many, needing to present the full-on woman, they indirectly cause their dysphoria to heighten due to rejection they encounter from societal strict and rigid conformity rules!

Inna
Not everyone has the ability to " present gracefully within society". What you describe as "over the top", may not be considered as over the top by someone else. For someone else over the top may be a man... feminine or masculine looking merely because of their own perception of gender. The issue of GD is really a catch-22... Is one's GD heightened more by.. ridicule, or by the fact that they cannot ( or should not) present as the person that they feel they are, because they don't fit those " strict societal conformity" rules? This whole thing is a crap shoot at best and what you are going to discover as you progress is that how we are looked at is going to depend on one person at a time, one situation at a time and their particular perception. You went to audition for a modeling job and from your pics.. you pretty much fit the gold standard yet you were rejected and you found that to be hurtful and it made you cry. Maybe in your next audition you'll fare better... it's a crap shoot.. This whole life is nothing but a crap shoot no matter how one presents.

[Kathryn Martin]

So here is my question:

How did you keep the balance between continuous need to be looked at as a woman and realization that such will take some time and did you express your fem through obvious clothing choices or were you somewhat quiet in your choice of attire?????

I have dressed and advised GGs in my family, circle of friends and acquaitance on dressing and fashion for years. When it came to me, my principles were: My wardrobe cannot become a distraction to my work, I have to present at all times slightly more feminine than genetic women because I transitioned in place and I need people to get it, I have to present and be dressed beyond reproach.

You have seen my pictures. I am complimented a lot on my appearance because initially it was a surprise and showed people that they were prejudiced about transsexuals, now more by women who "want to spend an hour in my closet".

The other thing is, that I absolutely refused to look androgynous at any time. The art of being well dressed is really encapsulated in "dress the body you have", "dress for your age" and "develop your own style". And never ever give occasion for real criticism about your appearance. Being called a skinny bitch is ok....

My clothing choices are professional, chic (and therefore sexy) and never scream anything.

P.S. This smacks for a clothing choices thread you know where

[Stephenie S]

While I don't want to get embroiled in the "appropriate" clothing debate, I do want to question the OP's assertion that women dress to be looked at.

Perhaps I misunderstand the OP, but I know no women who wish to be looked at. Looking good? Yup. Looking appropriate? Yup. But just looked at? No thank you.

S

[Inna]

I have dressed and advised GGs in my family, circle of friends and acquaitance on dressing and fashion for years. When it came to me, my principles were: My wardrobe cannot become a distraction to my work, I have to present at all times slightly more feminine than genetic women because I transitioned in place and I need people to get it, I have to present and be dressed beyond reproach.

You have seen my pictures. I am complimented a lot on my appearance because initially it was a surprise and showed people that they were prejudiced about transsexuals, now more by women who "want to spend an hour in my closet".

The other thing is, that I absolutely refused to look androgynous at any time. The art of being well dressed is really encapsulated in "dress the body you have", "dress for your age" and "develop your own style". And never ever give occasion for real criticism about your appearance. Being called a skinny bitch is ok....

My clothing choices are professional, chic (and therefore sexy) and never scream anything.

P.S. This smacks for a clothing choices thread you know where

Kathryn, you do have a way of putting things succinctly! I do appreciate your viewpoint and in my understanding subscribe to emphasizing style of clothing which perfectly encompasses poise and elegance so that the comments one may hear may reflect more of a good clothing choice rather than comments about the wearer of clothing her self.
I hope I did understand your point! If not......I am blonde don't forget!

[Inna]

While I don't want to get embroiled in the "appropriate" clothing debate, I do want to question the OP's assertion that women dress to be looked at.

Perhaps I misunderstand the OP, but I know no women who wish to be looked at. Looking good? Yup. Looking appropriate? Yup. But just looked at? No thank you.

S

Misunderstood you did! nowhere in the OP I allude to GGs!

[Kathryn Martin]

Yes you did get it. For me it is important that people find me attractive as a person and never ever see anything that would suggest I am a transsexual. The result has been for me that the topic is closed. I don't talk about it, I dress, behave, talk and move like any other woman.

It is little things like taking up small spaces, speak with my hands and my mouth at the same time, use diction and projection that matches who I am. Growing older means to refine your self more and more to who you are and having been female all of my life and having laid to rest all pretense all I have to "retouch" if you will are little things like height, a slightly squarer jaw that I would like (although my sister has that too) and bigger feet. And of course my voice, it is baritone, however when I speak (except when addressing a large crowd where I need to project, my voice sounds much like so many women. Women do not all have high pitched voices. My aunt sang bass in the church choir because she had a bass voice. People don't perceive me as male anymore. This nowhere more poignant then with women. I was socialized by my GG environment in a fast and furious crash course over the last year or so. And my appearance which paid tribute to women instead of making a caricature of them has helped, it made me unremarkable. It perfectly aligned with my survival instincts. If, expecting the worst the public finds you far exceed their expectations, they will take you serious.

My life has gained a degree of normalcy which I am so very grateful for. It has taken the worry away.


Kathryn, you do have a way of putting things succinctly! I do appreciate your viewpoint and in my understanding subscribe to emphasizing style of clothing which perfectly encompasses poise and elegance so that the comments one may hear may reflect more of a good clothing choice rather than comments about the wearer of clothing her self.
I hope I did understand your point! If not......I am blonde don't forget!

[EnglishRose]

I do want to question the OP's assertion that women dress to be looked at.

I think she meant "seen as a woman", rather than being "looked at" or, worse, ogled.

[Stephenie S]

I think she meant "seen as a woman", rather than being "looked at" or, worse, ogled.

That I can understand.