Questions about unaccepting gf

[Sedona]

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice. I'm currently with a fantastic girlfriend of a year who I want to someday marry (want to wait a little while before popping question, just to make sure).

Anyways, I've been a nearly lifelong CDer, who came out to her about two months ago. I'd say on an acceptance scale she's probably a 4 (out of 10). 1 being a "get out of my life, weirdo!" and 10 being, "yipee, I've always wanted a boyfriend like this, let's get dressed like girly girls and have lesbian sex right now!"

Basically, she loves me a lot, but doesn't talk about it unless I bring it up (every other week or so), and while I've convinced her I'm not gay, she doesn't have any ambitions of seeing me in a skirt anytime soon. I've always liked to shave my body a couple of times a year, and she's voiced objections about this, her point being, how would I like it if she had coarse hairy pits and legs (admittedly, not much).

I don't have any interest in going out in public, but my hopes are that she will become more accepting over time, as it's something that I can't (nor want to) change. I know that it's impossible to be in my (or her) shoes, but am I being unrealistic here in my hopes?

Any ideas or motivation?

[KatieZ]

Most likely your desire to crossdress will never change, and she needs to know that. Is she willing to do some reading on the subject? You might point her to some good educational sites concerning CDing. Or you might get her looking at/ joining this forum. Society has ingrained people to not be totally, if at all, accepting to our ways, but a little positive education can go a long way.

Good luck


Hugs

[Dayna]

Take your time, Sedona. The odds are greater that you will always have the urge to dress, than you will be able to change someone else's mind about it.

If this is the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then by all means, go for it! But if there isn't room for 'Sedona' in that life, than accept it as the price you pay for love.

Good luck!!

[Jenny Beth]

I agree with Katie, she needs to know this will not go away because it's part of who you are. She also has to know that suppressing this side could result in depression further down the road and if marriage is in your plans it will affect how you feel about each other. Better to be honest with her now than to have both of you hurt later.

[Sedona]

Yes,

I have let her know that my urges are not likely to change over life. And, when I told her, I pretty much did it by the book, and answered questions she had. I also copied web links to her, in case she has questions, or wants support. So far, she hasn't taken a look at the links, and has an attitude of "I don't care about what other people do, just you." While on some level, I like this attitude, I wish that she would become part of a community of women who deal with her concerns.

But, that said, I think we're off to a good start with this, and sincerely believe that she will become more accepting over time. For now, I'm not overly pressing things.

[Wendy me]

well i go along with the outhers but one thing you do have going for you is she knows so that omg down the road is not going to happen but getting to a point were she can if ever accpete your dressing or were you feel comfy with it that is going to take some time...

[Bonnie D]

Sedona,

My advice to you is to not get married until she accepts you for who you are. I don't think you will want to be doing this behind her back for the rest of your life, meaning only dressing when she's not around. Many of us are closeted and cannot come out, we wish though we had before we were married even if it meant that she would find someone else.

She must inform herself about transgenderism, which includes you, before a decision on continuing your relationship is made. If she can't accept it then you will have to walk away. It will be better off in the long run.

Bonnie

[knelson]

I too am in a similiar situation. I started slow, first with the heels during those wild times in the bedroom. I admitted to her that I did sleep with her teddy on when she was not there. We compromised on the chest hair deal and we are working our way from there. As long as you are honest with your feelings about dressing and you are honest with her as well, things will work out.

[Wendy53]

Sedona I have been dressing all my life I got married when I was 17 and been with my wife for 35 years I have three sons and two grandkids and no body knows I didn't see any reason to hurt my love! so I dress when I can I sometimes think I should tell but I just can't so if you love your SO that much I think that dressing can be something on the side you may never find your love again but I am a hopeless romantic Wendy53

[Phoebe Reece]

I think going slow on this is the right approach. However, before you pop the big question, I think you would be wise to let her see you fully dressed, shaved body and all. That way she will know exactly what she may be faced with in a marriage. Boundaries (compromises) for how much dressing, shaving, etc. are acceptable to both of you can be negotiated at appropriate times. She does need to know that this will not go away with time.
Best of luck, whatever course of action you choose.