Finally got my first appointment with the therapist!!

[IamSara]

Well after having to put off my appointments with a gender therapist here in St. Louis I have finally got an appointment on Tuesday morning. I can't wait to finally talk to someone and try to put all this crap going on in my head to rest or really to get a definitive answer as to whether I am trans or just transgendered. I am pretty sure I know the answer already based on the way I have felt for many many years now but have always been afraid to face the truth.
Anyway after having to travel and travel for my job in and out of the country the time has come and there isn't any changing it. I am taking a day of vacation so that it can't be changed. That takes care of my first appointment but will have to work out with my boss to make sure I am off for all future appointments.
My SO is glad I am going but is so afraid of the outcome that she will not talk about it. She has all but shut down any discussion of my "gender issues" as she puts it. I am trying to get her to go to a counselor but as to date she is just "thinking" about it. If as I suspect this is going to go, she has already told me she can't take being married to a woman and our marriage will end in divorce. It is very tough to handle and that has also been a deterant to my really digging into my conflicts with my gender.
Just had to tell someone!!!

[LisaMallon]

Congratulations, as you know I am going through this right now. My 3rd appointment is next week.

Look in my first appointment it was pretty clear that we agreed that I am TS and as scary as that is, I actually am relieved. And feel much better now.
I know where I am and what I have to do.
For example, just booked my first appointment for voice training.

So however it goes, it is far better to know one way or the other and then you can at least move on.

I know it is scary but in the end it is better to know. You can only deal with something that you understand, not knowing basically means paralysis.

My very best wishes.

[Aprilrain]

Transgendered is a nebulous word with many definitions, I think I get what you're saying though, you need to be sure of wether or not you're TS. Therapy is an appropriate place to work out those thoughts and feelings, I hope you have selected a therapist versed in gender issues even then don't hesitate to seek out a different therapist if this one isn't working out. Your therapist shouldn't be telling you are or are not TS but rather just helping you work it out yourself.
Good luck!

[IamSara]

Transgendered is a nebulous word with many definitions, I think I get what you're saying though, you need to be sure of wether or not you're TS. Therapy is an appropriate place to work out those thoughts and feelings, I hope you have selected a therapist versed in gender issues even then don't hesitate to seek out a different therapist if this one isn't working out. Your therapist shouldn't be telling you are or are not TS but rather just helping you work it out yourself.
Good luck!

You are quite right April! Transgendered is a very nebulous word and pretty much all encompassing.
I talked to her for sometime on the phone just to try and make sure that she is versed in gender issues. I also read some reviews on her and she appears to be. But as you have said if we don't click or I feel she is not who I am needing to help me get the answers that I need I certainly will be looking for a different therapist.
Thanks April


Congratulations, as you know I am going through this right now. My 3rd appointment is next week.

Look in my first appointment it was pretty clear that we agreed that I am TS and as scary as that is, I actually am relieved. And feel much better now.
I know where I am and what I have to do.
For example, just booked my first appointment for voice training.

So however it goes, it is far better to know one way or the other and then you can at least move on.

I know it is scary but in the end it is better to know. You can only deal with something that you understand, not knowing basically means paralysis.

My very best wishes.

Thanks Lisa!!! Yes I did know you were going through therapy. I have't thought that far ahead as into voice therapy yet. I guess that is what I am looking for at first is relief and understanding. The next steps will be decided upon as they come. Scary be I can't keep living like this.

[Traci Elizabeth]

You are at the age that commitments and financial earnings should be at their tops and you could retire in 10 years. I know starting over from that point in live seems daunting. But trust me, there are many of us here in your situation. You must decide if you are willing to lose everything or almost everything to become the woman on the outside that you have always been on the inside.

It is very true that many of not most wives leave and the relationship ends in divorce. There are times through that a wife who can not accept you becoming a woman on the outside has a change of heart down the road when she realizes that the person she married and really loves is the qualities on the inside not the outside. It can happen but only you know your wife. Chose accordingly to your needs.

[Stephenie S]

I find it hard to offer congratulations on the beginning of the end of your marriage.

This is a sad, tragic result of transition. But it is a reality. Not many women who originally married a man want to remain married to a another woman. And you can't blame us, can you? Think about it from the other direction. Would you want her to transition? The beautiful loving woman you married? A guy? I doubt it.

She has every right to walk away with her heart broken. No wonder she won't talk about it. Everything she has counted on for her future with her man has gone up in smoke. Her dreams smashed on the cold rocks of your secret.

Please don't expect your therapist to tell you you are transsexual. You must decide this for yourself. Wanting to put this decision off on your therapist is weak and cowardly. The decision must rest with you.

I am sorry.

Stephenie

[Rachel Smith]

Sara I will only say congratulations on seeing a therapist for the first time. I went for the first time about 2 or 3 months ago with the urging from the ladies here. It is the best thing i have done along these lines. So while I am still in the figuring out stage i do feel much better about myself and my life.

Wishing you the best
Rachel

[IamSara]

I find it hard to offer congratulations on the beginning of the end of your marriage.

This is a sad, tragic result of transition. But it is a reality. Not many women who originally married a man want to remain married to a another woman. And you can't blame us, can you? Think about it from the other direction. Would you want her to transition? The beautiful loving woman you married? A guy? I doubt it.

She has every right to walk away with her heart broken. No wonder she won't talk about it. Everything she has counted on for her future with her man has gone up in smoke. Her dreams smashed on the cold rocks of your secret.

Please don't expect your therapist to tell you you are transsexual. You must decide this for yourself. Wanting to put this decision off on your therapist is weak and cowardly. The decision must rest with you.

I am sorry.

Stephenie

Stephenie,
Believe me I know the heartache, devistation and the all the other things that go along with even going to a therapist. I have struggled with this for quite sometime. That is why I am going to a therapist. Not so much as to start transitioning but to get answers and to come to some conclusion about all of this. I love my wife and family dearly and don't want to do anything to hurt them. On the other hand I am having a hard time just getting through every day with out thinking and feeling like I am not who I am presenting to be. I have always felt that I was in the wrong body and have built a life around that. That I lied to her throughout our marriage is a hard thing to deal with for her and for me. I hope that I did not come across as I am mad at her for not wanting to talk about my issues. I am NOT at all. The burden of this is all mine unfortunately she is having to deal with it also again my fault.


Thank you for your comments!! I do know what I am doing to her. Sad state of affairs!!!

Thanks for your comment all.

Tracy, yes I am weighing all of these concerns and what the results will be very carefully.

Finally making the decision to go see a therapist is one big hurdle for me, although I am scared as hell to go, I really have to go if for no other reason than to get things straighter in my screwed up head.
What I do with that information is of great concern to me and unfortunately only I can make that choice. NOT FUN!!

[Anne Elizabeth]

Sara:

Don't fear going to a therapist. In my experience it is the best thing I have done for myself. I get to talk to someone that weighs no judgement on me for anything I say. I feel this is a way for me to be able to think things through with out any judgement. I do spend time with my wife after each session talking about what I talked about so she knows what went on and that then give us as a couple to discuss feelings and situations etc. Many have said that if your therapist says right away "yep your are a transsexual and need to transition" on the first session to run and find a different one. My feeling is be responsible enough for your self to question. My therapist right away told me she had a list of doctors that would get me the hormones, etc. I right away said that might be good but first i need to spend the time finding myself and what I want to do with my life and how all my relationships that I build up over the years will fit into the whole picture of my life. That was almost 2 years ago I went every other week for awhile now it is about monthly and I look forward to going every time. If your therapist is really good you will at the very least get a handle on your life and it will get better and you will feel better about yourself. Also my therapist prods me and asks me the right questions and I am positive that she makes many physical notes and well as mental notes on what I say, how I act, how I react to help me make sure what ever course of action I should take may be the correct action for me and not anyone else. Good luck.

[IamSara]

Sara:

Don't fear going to a therapist. In my experience it is the best thing I have done for myself. I get to talk to someone that weighs no judgement on me for anything I say. I feel this is a way for me to be able to think things through with out any judgement. I do spend time with my wife after each session talking about what I talked about so she knows what went on and that then give us as a couple to discuss feelings and situations etc. Many have said that if your therapist says right away "yep your are a transsexual and need to transition" on the first session to run and find a different one. My feeling is be responsible enough for your self to question. My therapist right away told me she had a list of doctors that would get me the hormones, etc. I right away said that might be good but first i need to spend the time finding myself and what I want to do with my life and how all my relationships that I build up over the years will fit into the whole picture of my life. That was almost 2 years ago I went every other week for awhile now it is about monthly and I look forward to going every time. If your therapist is really good you will at the very least get a handle on your life and it will get better and you will feel better about yourself. Also my therapist prods me and asks me the right questions and I am positive that she makes many physical notes and well as mental notes on what I say, how I act, how I react to help me make sure what ever course of action I should take may be the correct action for me and not anyone else. Good luck.

That is exactly what I am looking for! I absolutely do not someone right off the bet giving me a list of Doctors for hormones therapy.
I need to talk and be asked questions to help me make clear and proper decisions. This is the only way that I can do what is right for me and my wife.

[ReineD]

Sara, I think you're making the best possible decision to seek a gender therapist.

You might want to consider inviting your wife to join this forum, we do have a support section for spouses (FAB - Female At Birth (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum)). It might be helpful for your wife to learn more about this. Also, do you work for a company that has policies in place or is open to their employees transitioning, in case you decide to go this route?

[Karinsamatha]

Going to a gender therapist was the best thing I have ever done for myself. With her help I reached conclusions about myself, and admitted out loud those conclusions. That in it's self was a big reduction in my stress level. This was a turning point in my life - for the better.
As a thought if your wife gives you the time you need with a therapist she may find she likes the person who begins to emerge better. Just a thought.

[IamSara]

Sara, I think you're making the best possible decision to seek a gender therapist.

You might want to consider inviting your wife to join this forum, we do have a support section for spouses (FAB - Female At Birth (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum)). It might be helpful for your wife to learn more about this. Also, do you work for a company that has policies in place or is open to their employees transitioning, in case you decide to go this route?

Thanks Reine
I have suggested this site to her. She looked at it once that I am aware of. She didn't come right out and say it but I think she thought that we were all a bunch of weirdo's. She said I cant believe there are so many of your kind out there. Understandably she tries to just put blinders on and try to block it out.
As to work theyy do have policies in place but to my knowledge there has never been anyone that has transitioned. Could be quite interesting if I do have to go this route.


Going to a gender therapist was the best thing I have ever done for myself. With her help I reached conclusions about myself, and admitted out loud those conclusions. That in it's self was a big reduction in my stress level. This was a turning point in my life - for the better.
As a thought if your wife gives you the time you need with a therapist she may find she likes the person who begins to emerge better. Just a thought.

I am hoping that the stress and depression levels start to deminsh some. Wouldn't that be nice if she did start to like that "new" person. Just not sure that will happen. But can always hope for it.

[Stephanie-L]

Sara,
I am happy for you that you are making your way through this minefield that we travel. I agree with the others, going to an experienced gender therapist is one of the best things I ever did. Another great thing was when I started hormones, I still can't believe the difference it made in me emotionally. I am not saying that this is the path for you, but for many of us, it made a huge difference. As to your therapist "diagnosing" you, I have been to two therapists, the first did give me a diagnosis after several sessions, but it was only putting it into technical terms, something which I already truely knew, and she helped me admit to myself. The second knew about the diagnosis, and after only a few sessions, agreed fully with it. Others have said to be careful of any therapist who diagnoses you quickly. Yes, there is an element of that, but remember they are trained to watch for certain cues in behavior and language, etc, and if you brought that up on the phone, they will probably spot these on the first session, so they will have a very quick idea of the diganosis. They may take a few sessions to be sure, but I would bet if you ask at the end of the first session, they will say "probably".
I am sorry about your marriage. It is hard on everyone. Perhaps your wife will adjust, perhaps not. One thing I can recommend is to get her in therapy also, either with the same person, or someone totally different. My marriage is ending, and I can say that my trans status is actually a fairly minor part, there are so many other things wrong. But, I still care about her, and am doing my best not to hurt her, which is impossible of course. All I can say is you are in my prayers and I wish you the best of luck..............Stephanie

[IamSara]

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone has given. Without you all and this forum I am not sure where I would be today. Definitely in worse shape emotionally.
thanks again

[Karinsamatha]

I think you will find that after some sessions - it would vary between people. You will start to acknowledge many things to your self. Some things you suspected other things so deeply buried that it will shock you.
Tuesday will be the first day of the rest of your life. You go girl!

:yrtw::yrtw:

[jennifer24]

I went to a Therapist for almost 2 years, was the best thing I ever did for myself, helped me so much, just to get intouch with my inner feelings and talk to someone about it and to get some feedback. Glad you finally decided to keep your apointment Sara, good luck!

[sandra-leigh]

My therapist had, along the way, mentioned HRT as a possibility, but I really don't remember now which of us first raised the subject. My personal opinion is that it is appropriate for a gender therapist to introduce HRT as a topic of discussion at some point, but usually not appropriate for a gender therapist to actively recommend HRT. E.g., when I talked about how much better I felt wearing forms, and about how much time I spent thinking about having breasts of my own, then it would (IMHO) have been deliberately obtuse of the therapist to have not explored the question of whether I was thinking about HRT.

So for me, the topic was fair game during my sessions, but it was not a regular topic. My therapist waited for me to decide for myself. Now, when I did say that I wanted to explore HRT seriously, my therapist's reaction was to say "Hallelujah!" and that "It's about time". That is, she had been thinking for quite a while that I should try HRT, but she'd been patiently waiting for me to decide that for myself. And she was happy that I was finally actively doing something concrete about my gender issues rather than sitting on the fence, obviously unhappy there but not willing to move forward.

Anyhow...

[IamSara]

I think you will find that after some sessions - it would vary between people. You will start to acknowledge many things to your self. Some things you suspected other things so deeply buried that it will shock you.
Tuesday will be the first day of the rest of your life. You go girl!

:yrtw::yrtw:
Thanks Karin! Yes you are so right it was the first day of the rest of my life. I tried to respond to you message to me and it wouldn't let me for some reason. But thanks for the note!!!

[IamSara]

WELL,
My first session was fantastic!!!!! If for no other reason than getting it all off my chest. We talked mostly about my history from childhood through today. Very comforting feeling as I walked away from this first appointment. I told her I don't know where this will lead and she was pleased with that answer. There is much to explosre in this screwed up head of mine and I need to make sure that whatever path I take is the right one.
Thanks for everyones thoughts and comments. I am looking forward to this course of action and should have done it some time ago!!!

[Karinsamatha]

I had gone to two meetings in male mode, the third meeting i went as my self, and my therapist noticed how much more relaxed i was. Needless to say I don't go as a man any more.
Good luck moving forward.
Karin

[IamSara]

I wish I could go in as Sara, Unfortunately with my wife not accepting this can't happen at this point.