When "blending in" is the goal.

[Wildaboutheels]

Blending in seems to be a common "goal" for the vast majority here when going out en femme. Presumably, they spend a great deal of time on themselves before leaving the house?

If you are one of those "I just want to blend in people", just exactly WHAT does that mean? No one stares or gives you a funny look the whole time out? Or, you don't have to interact or talk with anyone? [Probably the easiest way to give yourself away - your voice]

Or does it simply mean being treated with courtesy and respect?

Or do you want to be TREATED like a Lady?

[Jolene Robertson]

I haven't been out yet as a total woman, but in answer to your question (YES) to all the things you mentioned. We are a different kind of person and each of us has a unique drive, but when I do go out I would like to be looked upon as a woman. I know my voice would never pass and I won't try (just seems silly for me).

[Kate Simmons]

I never really "got" the blending thing myself. If I go somewhere I am simply myself, good, bad or indifferent. Not trying to prove anything one way or the other. In my opinion , the best way to act genuine is to do just that, be yourself.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

I kinda want to go unnoticed! I don't want to stand out and look as if I don't 'belong'!

[Marie-Elise]

Having never been out, I have given some thought as to why I want to go out. For me, it isn't so much as being treated like a lady. It's more just to be able to go out dressed in the clothes that give me some type of pleasure which may or may not be sexually related. I think that it would give me a different personality and manner of interacting. Would this change be for the better? I don't know that it would or not; that isn't the point. I think it would just be different.

So, in answer to the blending in question: I don't know. My wife once published a paper (before we met) about how Latino men take on some of the characteristics of women when salsa dancing. That is, they want to be the center of attention and be sexy much like women do when dancing. Coming from where I come from, it is something I grew up watching and participating in. This is in stark contrast to the typical US male who would probably rather not be on the dance floor at all. I have to ask her for the paper. I haven't read it in years and it's even more interesting now that I think about it. The last time I read it was before I told her about my interest in dressing.

Oh yes...so I think that, as a man who dresses in women's clothes, going out (for me) would entail both "blending in" (being viewed as a woman) and "standing out" (being viewed as an attractive woman).

[AndreaS]

I'm pretty much in the camp of wanting to go somewhat unnoticed. I don't want to stand out because I'm wearing something tacky, I'd rather fit right in with all of the other local women. (When in Rome....).

Now if someone gives me a second glance because they think I look nice, that is totally acceptable. If I got a second glance because I did something silly like wearing a sequined mini skirt to the mall, well, that's what I'm trying to avoid. (btw, I don't own a sequined mini skirt) ;-)

[Karren H]

Typically being the only person in a dress or a skirt when I go out.... Doesn't lend itself for very good blending. Not that I care either. Not that I gave a goal..... But it isn't to be part of the background but be part of the foreground....

[linda allen]

I think "blending in" means just that. That if you walk down the street or through the mall, people just think they've seen a woman walk by.

Of course, this is easier for some of us than for others. If you're 6'4" tall or big and muscular, you're chances of pulling this off are slim to none.

For those of us who are shorter and more slightly built, with proper choice of clothing and makeup for the time and place, we may be able to do it.

Certainly, if you wear a very short mini-skirt and five inch heels walking down the street in the daytime, you're not going to blend in. A more conservative skirt or dress, low heels or flats, you might pull it off.

The few times I have been out, my goal was to "blend in".

[Sara Jessica]

Blending in seems to be a common "goal" for the vast majority here when going out en femme. Presumably, they spend a great deal of time on themselves before leaving the house?

If you are one of those "I just want to blend in people", just exactly WHAT does that mean? No one stares or gives you a funny look the whole time out? Or, you don't have to interact or talk with anyone? [Probably the easiest way to give yourself away - your voice]

Or does it simply mean being treated with courtesy and respect?

Or do you want to be TREATED like a Lady?

I think a statement that blending is the goal of the majority is debatable.

Blending is simply something that is much more achievable than passing. Life is much easier when we stop worrying about whether or not we are passing to others. That's too much pressure because there are usually so many things to overcome, some subtle, others not so much. And besides, how does one know if we truly pass as you have no idea what is happening in your wake.

As such, blending is taking into account time, place, event, weather, etc. when going out and about. It means that you are likely to be similar in first glance appearance to most of the women in the venue you are attending. If you survive that first glance without being read as trans, that is a good thing. Second glance even better. Personally, I think I can get by that first glance, sometimes the second but rarely any further without being seen for who I am. And that is perfectly fine with me. It usually results in being treated with courtesy and/or respect.

And as I have said before, blending doesn't mean devoid of style. There are so many modes of absolute feminine expression that can be achieved while still blending in with the other women who are going about their daily business.

[Cheryl T]

Blending in to me means that when I'm out in public I'm just another woman going about her business. I'm not the one in the mini and stilettos at WalMart (I never want to be a WalMartian...lol) and I'm not the one in jeans and t-shirt at a cocktail party.
I don't avoid contact with others even though my voice is not the best and I do wish to be treated with courtesy and respect in the same manner that I treat others.
It's not that I don't wish to be noticed, but I do want to be seen and accepted as a woman and treated as such.
I dress for me and no one else, but other than being a bit taller than average I don't feel that I stand out in any way and that's just fine with me. I'm not Paris Hilton and I don't draw crowds. Maybe if I was younger I'd feel differently, but at my age I'm just happy being me.

[Sandra1746]

I try to wear venue-appropriate Fem clothing; an example would be nice jeans and a top at the grocery store instead of a dance gown or a wedding dress. Even a GG in the latter two garments would attract attention, and likely a few snickers.

When I go out dressed in nice jeans and a top I am often mistaken for a female at first glance; probably because of my long hair. This happens if I'm wearing male attire too so it provides an interesting comment on how people process gender cues.

Passing is too hard for me but blending seems to be relatively easy to achieve, at least at any medium distance. My voice is anything but feminine so that "outs" me every time. Still, I enjoy going out and interacting with people and have had no "bad" reactions from anyone.

Enjoy life,
Sandra1746

[STACY B]

Blending ? People stare at me in regular clothes ! So when do you know what there realy stareing at ? I meen if your out an just doing normal stuff ,,Like driving or walking in a store an they stare ,,, What the hell ? So maybe I need to dress more an they will stop stareing ?

[kimdl93]

Blending in is really about appearances and demeanor. In its simplest terms, blending is making an effort to dress and act in a manner that is consistent with other women in the same environment. So when I walk into the mall on a Wednesday afternoon this time of year, I'll probably be wearing capris, a light summer top and sandals. At a distance I hope to just look like any other woman. That doesn't mean I'll be immune from funny stares from someone who is curious about the 6'2" woman entering the store, but I won't be singled out for wearing an LBD in the middle of the afternoon.

The probably doesn't extend to interactions with people. Certainly, I want to behave in an appropriate and feminine manner, to the extent of my abilities, but more than that I want to convey the impression that I am perfectly at ease and confident. I enjoy interacting with people, making eye contact, exchanging smiles or acknowledgements, and visiting with them. At that point, I'm not hiding the fact that I'm TG, but I'm also not apologizing for it. If I act like I belong, there's a good chance I'll be treated accordingly.

[Annie D]

Seen: yes.
Noticed: maybe.
Recognized: no.

Blending is perhaps being noticed when out and perhaps getting a second or third glance when passing another person and being able to continue doing whatever I am doing without being the entire focus of other's attention.

[sterling12]

"Blending In," is like a lot of other terms in our TG World. It's vague, and nobody has a certifiable, universal definition that everyone will accept.

BUT, I know what it means to me, and a lot of the others around this area, so we will try for that opinion. "Your going to get Clocked, no matter what you do!" Somewhere, sometime, some person will pick up one of about a million subtle clues, and realize that you are something different than what you project. The Reality is that "reasonable" dressing choices will hopefully not get you into some kind of confrontational situation.

Here's The Theory as I understand it. If you are "blending," not looking outrageous, not giving some guy out to dinner with his family a reason to get into a ruckus with you cause' you haven't frightened nor offended his family, then your "doin' good!" Most people even if they "read" you will leave it alone, and mind their own business, IF you haven't pissed them off with some lewd, or strange behavior. Now this is supposed to accomplish a couple of purposes. You have "furthered" Our Cause by reminding folks that we aren't all Hookers, or mentally disturbed; And, you have avoided A Confrontation. That's also beneficial for you, you likely avoided going to jail, physical injury, and avoided making others think you are a "troublemaker."

"Blending" isn't a perfect solution. Everytime we get A Thread like this, somebody always starts bitchin' about "Their Rights," and how they can do, or wear anything they want. Of course they are right, but it's usually a lose-lose argument, if they actually go out and do it. They gain nothing in The Wider World, except to bring us more grief in The Court of Public Opinion, and such "in your face" behavior often ends quite badly.

So for those of us who are "out there," it's a choice most of the time. It's OK to look like a Teeny-Bop Hooker in drag, when you are in a protected environment (Like down at The Flamingo,) but if you want to stop in at Walgreen's while your on the way down there, better reconsider that Blending Idea a second time.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Krista Doll]

To Me blending in is just wearing the clothes that are proper for not looking out of place by that I mean wearing something that does not fit the place You are going like if You went too a fancy dinner party You wouldn't wear shorts and a tank top You would wear a nice dress but if going to the mall You would probably wear some Jeans or maybe a dress or skirt outfit thats not so fancy something that would look like You just came from work to Me thats wwhat blending in is looking like You belong wearever it is You are going. You wouldn't wear a dress too the beach now would You. (unless it's a sundress and You had You're bikini under it too go swimming).

[anonymousinmaryland]

Cheryl T said: I'm not the one in the mini and stilettos at WalMart (I never want to be a WalMartian . . . lol)

Now that's funny!

[TeresaL]

Blending in, for me, is top priority. T-shirt, sweats, trousers, and shorts are the appropriate casual dress code for most daytime activities. I don't care about frilly stuff, provocative, or flamboyant presentation. The face is first priority, not overly done. Get the body in congruity. Then the walk. Finally, the talk. Master those events, if ever, then I've achieved nirvana.

Me? I'm still working on the face. It's a pitiful canvas after all these years, and overdue for a remodel. Thoughts of FFS keep surfacing, but only if dual mode is still attainable afterwards. Burning bridges is not my style.

[carhill2mn]

Blending in, in effect, means that you do not stand out or attract unwanted attention. This allows me to go about my business and to be treated as a lady by those whom I encounter.

[Alice B]

For me "blending in" means wearing clothing that fits my body style and is age appropiate. Am I going to totally pass - no. But, as long as I'm not making a fool of myself with my presentation I'm OK. Sure there may be a look or two, but who cares. It is that and nothing more and from someone I don't know or will ever see again. I find I get far more compliments than stares by being confident.

[NicoleScott]

I stay at home so that I can blend. I love daiquiris.

[Mickitv]

I am not that sure about blending except I love daiquiris also

[Antoinette]

For me it's not "blending in" as it is feeling comfortable. I don't care if someone notice I'm not a real woman. I don't have the voice of a woman so I get noticed the instant I speak (I just sound like a softer version of my real voice). My adams apple is also another dead give away. So trying to blend is rather pointless. Just stay happy, confident and comfortable!

[Lynn Marie]

Typically being the only person in a dress or a skirt when I go out.... Doesn't lend itself for very good blending. Not that I care either. Not that I gave a goal..... But it isn't to be part of the background but be part of the foreground....

I'm 6'3". I'm always in the foreground both by height and by demeanor. I'm conservative by nature in all things, but I don't feel the need to blend as a male and I sure as hell am not going to worry about it en femme. I will be gracious and classy, but will not lower my own standards for anyone.

[Sara Jessica]

I will be gracious and classy, but will not lower my own standards for anyone.

I'm curious, how is considering time/place/event/weather when presenting as female contributing to lowering one's standards???

[wilt575]

I'm pretty much in the camp of wanting to go somewhat unnoticed. I don't want to stand out because I'm wearing something tacky, I'd rather fit right in with all of the other local women. (When in Rome....).

Now if someone gives me a second glance because they think I look nice, that is totally acceptable. If I got a second glance because I did something silly like wearing a sequined mini skirt to the mall, well, that's what I'm trying to avoid. (btw, I don't own a sequined mini skirt) ;-)

I feel the same 90% of the time unnoticed satisfied and comfortable just being one of the crowed, then there other times I like to be questionable, is that a guy with girly body (curves and breasts), with whispers and double takes.

[Kaz]

It has probably all been said, but blending for me is not a 'goal', it is what I would like to do whenever I want to and it is simply being able to walk about among and mix with other people without standing out as some Godzilla monster. There is a big debate about being accepted as a guy in a dress as opposed to being perceived to be a woman. I want to be perceived to be a woman. I have no need for vocal interaction... that would be difficult to pull off! I just want to be able to experience being out and about looking as much as I can as a woman without hassle.

[Paulette]

I agree with the girls that mentioned that wearing age appropriate, and venue appropriate, female clothing which allows for a male function in society as a female would is all one can ask for. I do not have the natural shape or voice but I try hard to present as a woman when I dress.

[StarrOfDelite]

i think of blending as a crossdresser doing ordinary things in life as a woman, without being easily identifiable as a genetic male in female clothes. passing i would define as a crossdresser doing ordinary things in life as a woman and being accepted as a woman because her makeup, accessories, mannerisms, voice and clothing are so convincing that it is very difficult to discern that she is a genetic male in female clothes.

i agree with the girls who have made comments to the effect that they want to blend in the sense that they don't want to stick out as a man dressed in women's clothes, but they also want to attract favorable attention for their presentation as a woman with respect to clothing, makeup, and behavior. and, that's not easy to do. i think some of the hardest things to which i had to accustom myself when i started going out in public was the realization that almost every woman i pass on the street is comparing her presentation to mine and trying to decide if she is more attractive than I am, while simultaneously almost every man i pass on the street is measuring me up as a potential sexual partner.

i certainly want those reactions from genetic women and men, but fact that women receive much more careful scrutiny by both sexes than men makes it hard for a person who wants to actually pass relatively close inspection without being clocked as a man.

when i'm in blending mode in new york i try to lodge myself in a niche somewhere between feminine and androgyne, which even genetic girls do occasionally. unfortunately, i don't spend as much time in manhattan as i did a couple of years ago, but what i love about the city is how easy it is to just step out on the street and walk around, window shopping, grabbing a snack and a cappucino at a cafe, riding a taxi, et cetera. another thing i like about the city is that unlike the rust belt, where lots of women go shopping with minimal makeup, most manhattan girls are wearing $50 bucks of estee lauder to go across the street for cappucino and danish on sunday morning, so having foundation, eyeliner, eyeshadow and carefully applied lipstick, inter alia, does not make me appear out of place while at the same time helping my feminine presentation.

[kendra_gurl]

blending ................,..................

not blending ................?.................

Try thinking of the term blending while your are only looking at GG's. While most look pretty much dressed in the same fashion there are others who attract your attention by being either way over dressed , or underdressed, or really dirty, or obese, or showing way too much cleavage and yes even the knockout that you can't take your eyes off of. While I would love to the last of those I mentioned I accept what my limitations are and that seems to work for me.

As long as anyone would have to take a second really close look to even suspect something about me is different I have blended pretty well. Emotionally and comfortlevel it gets easier the more you go out in public. With my wifes help I have learned to present in a manner that is attractive and fashionable yet understated. She is always telling me my earrings or necklace is too bling for where we are going or the time of day. As we all love to do, I enjoy dressing as my fantasy woman but unless we are headed to a club holding a Drag Show I save that for staying at home

[Bree Wagner]

It means that you are likely to be similar in first glance appearance to most of the women in the venue you are attending. If you survive that first glance without being read as trans, that is a good thing. Second glance even better. Personally, I think I can get by that first glance, sometimes the second but rarely any further without being seen for who I am. And that is perfectly fine with me. It usually results in being treated with courtesy and/or respect.

I agree completely, this is certainly what I'm going for. I know I've got a fair number of giveaways on close inspection (and one huge one if I have to talk!) but since the vast majority of interaction you'll have with people while out and about is the equivalent of two ships passing in the night it rarely gets to that second glance. That level of blending, for the most part, allows you to pick and choose when you want to have interaction with people that does go beyond the glance. It's not perfect, but it works for me.

-Bree