Help and advice Please

[Rebeccarabbit]

Hi Girls and Boys,
Have been away from the forum for a while, not sure where to post this, but need help.
I have cross dressed since an early age, but always considered myself female inside. I can be male daily, dress as a male but it doesn't change who I am inside. I'm proud of who I am and the journey I have made, I accept and embrace it.
I have just recently got married to Ruth (a GG), I love her wholly, she is caring, and supportive, we discuss everything
My problem is this my internal sexual core is middle of the road, I find men attractive, and females too. When I do dress up, after I have difficulty finding my male urges, in fact they are not there !!! I feel female............ I have read all the forums that say that cross dressers will not often be bi sexual, but inside I feel middle of the road.
I have considered full male to female transformation, have spoken to friends that have done this, and found that they have regretted it. I feel that at my stage in life this would be far too disruptive, and too life changing. I'm happy with who I am, but cant come to terms with how I should be sexually, and have no control in that department.........
I have spent the last couple of months in a very male, and groom mode, for the wedding which I guess has put me under stress...............
Can anyone help me, or offer advice ?, someone who perhaps went through transgender counselling

[Millie]

Hi Rebeccarabbit
I totally sympathize with you. I'm very happy being what God made me. I'm a man who like to be a girl at times. All of us feel as you do, I think you're just not sure of who you are, a man that dresses up. Nothing wrong with that, all of us enjoy it. If your in doubt of transgendering, then it's probably not right for you. I would just be myself and if you dress up on a constant basis and being feminine is what you like, I would continue doing so. I am bi-sexual and enjoy both sides of the coin. You may feel the same as I about sexual preference, but you have not realized it yet. Be happy at what and who you are. You are a feminine man and there are plenty as yourself who are still men. Good luck. Love Millie

[kimdl93]

Rebecca, let's put this simply. You are married. So, it really doesn't matter whether you are hetero or bisexual, you have a monogamous relationship with a woman that you describe as caring and supportive. You say also that you love her "wholly".

Look, I have had bisexual experiences earlier in life. I still define myself as a non-practicing bisexual in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. Unless you want to abandon this caring and supportive wife, I'd strongly recommend that you confine your m/m desires to fantasy, or find a way that your wife can fulfill that desire for you.

[Lorileah]

Everyone has fantasies. Everyone has urges. Everyone wants the green grass on the other side of the fence.

I don't know if you have acted on any of what you describe but trust me it usually is better in your mind. That doesn't mean you can't day dream. From what you posted I will guess you are ...um...older than say 35. And there comes a pint when things just don't work like they used to. So not having urges after dressing (which can be a mental release) is not unusual. The more you worry about it the worse it seems. Finding men attractive is really not any different than finding women attractive. You can look, you can dream and that is normal. Your wife should be the one in the forefront right now. If you are already wandering and thinking, your marriage will suffer

[Rebeccarabbit]

Hi Lorileah, Millie, and Kim,

Thank you for your posts!!! This post followed a deep discussion with my GG, based around arousal. You can imagine being newly married this is quite important. I went in deep inside myself, today, to try to explain to her how I felt. I am very lucky that she understands. I know I am so very lucky to have a wife that understands. I have spent most of today tired and asleep, the emotion of trying to search for an answer inside myself. To be honest had never thought about it before, just took it for granted that it was me being me......a girl inside a man.
When I was younger I had a few relationships minor with men, but they were just that and sexual, I could not live with a man, in fact I very much revel in female company. I also used to be able to mentally switch between roles and my persona, but find myself unable to do this now, its quite scary....... Now I feel female 95% of the time during the day, because I realise now that its not the clothes that change who you are inside.......
On a positive note Ruth (my lovely GG) has discussed with me going out as Becky, this is an enormous step for me and also her. We will do it in baby steps. I will shortly be booking a place at a transformation change away , as my wigs and clothes are looking tiresome, and being married now requires a new look....
I have been very lucky to find a woman in Ruth, who loves me unconditionally as Becky, this a few decades ago to me would have been a pipe dream, now I am lucky that I am able to live the life. Its not always easy being who we are, and the journey carries much pain, but there is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel. To be honest I have always shied away from forums and other CDs/TSs/ TGs, in recent years as my life has become more open, I have accepted who I am, who my friends are and my journey made. When I glance around the forums the stories, and questions are the same, as are the personal journeys.
Thank yous for the advice that I needed to hear from others who know..........I'm thankful as I feared I was going mad !!!!!