But are you still attracted to me?

[Marlana]

I was talking to my wife about checking out a support group for crossdressers a couple of weeks ago. She was against it, saying that "they're just going to say it's ok and do it! But if that's what you want to do, fine, go!" I know exactly what she said, so needless to say, I didn't go.

As we sort of discussed this, and by sort of, I mean delicately as she knows I like to dress but she doesn't want to see it or be part of it. Anyway, something she said has stuck with me and I'm not sure how to address it. Her question was, "When you dress like a woman, are you still attracted to me?" I tried to explain that it wasn't about how I felt about her. I have made it clear that I want to stay married. I want our family to stay together.

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

[Cheryl T]

My wife asked that question along with the "Are you gay" thing. She has also asked if I am TS.
My response to her is that I love her and I am not gay, but if I were TS then I would be a lesbian and want her as my partner.

[Marleena]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

Yep..I always have remained attracted to my SO's over the years. It has not changed. For some reason many GG's have found our femme side as competition or as another girl in the relationship while it is not. We aren't easy to figure out that's all it's just part of us being TG.:)

[Kate Simmons]

It usually has nothing to do with our feelings for our SO. It has everything to do with how we deal with our own feelings. As Marleena brought out, many women view it as competition and almost as an "affair" we are having with ourself and it is too much for them to handle. This was the case with my wife and why she left. Once their minds are set sometimes though, all the explaining in the world won't change things.:straightface:

[Karren H]

I love it when women say "Fine"..... you know your toast.....

[Jolene Robertson]

I absolutely am, the dressing thing puts me more in touch with myself and if anything it gives me more respect for what women do everyday. I now understand that when I dress a certain way it changes the way I feel. That helps me understand her better too. I love my wife and would not do anything to ruin that, I'm just lucky that she understands me too.

[AKKaren]

OMG...You too? I get the retired 7th grade english teacher look...I am so burned!!
I love it when women say "Fine"..... you know your toast.....

[2B Natasha]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so? [Marlana

More so. I find her to be a complete and utter sexy woman. But when dressed en femme I can hardly stop ogling her.

[kimdl93]

the right answer would have been, "Yes dear, even more so when I'm dressed." Really, you need to anticipate questions like these and have answers ready. But that one is a no-brainer. When a woman askes "do you still find me attractive, there is only one possible answer!

[Georgia_Maine]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Definitely! "Still crazy after all these years". (Paul Simon)

[stacycoral]

O course i attracted to her, just because i feel more comfortable dress as woman doesn't mean she isn't the most important person to me, SO just need to know that there still who we want to be with. Hugs,hope every work better for you.

[Sophia Claire]

Absolutely! Many of us, it seems, are attracted to women. A fact that seems to escape many GGs.

[Thera Home]

Her question was, "When you dress like a woman, are you still attracted to me?" I tried to explain that it wasn't about how I felt about her. I have made it clear that I want to stay married. I want our family to stay together.

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

Marlana
Im in the same poistion. My wife now knows about my "me time" and is struggling with it also. Ive been bombarded with questions and one is also "Do I still find her attractive?". I told her that the beauty she provides I can never duplicate dressed as a lady or anyone else for that matter. Were still in the talking mode and "giving and taking". My love for her has become stronger now I believe since I told her and will continue to grow ever stronger.

Thera

[cindybabe]

Yes absolutely when in male mode or as Cindy

[Antoinette]

Dressing, atleast for me, has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Sadly my gf has a hard time processing that. She feels that people who dress are generally gay. -__- why else would I dress up. No matter how much I assure her she still feels that way and tries her hardest to trust my word. I don't know how else to convince her, she truly feels that I'm bi in some sort of way, which isn't true at all. (-__-v) its quite frustrating

[Debglam]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

Apples and oranges. My being trans has nothing to do with how madly attracted to my wife I am. I'll add that the freedom to be myself has given me such joy and such a lighter spirit that in some ways I think we are even closer.

[Foxglove]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

I'm afraid my wife wouldn't have liked my answer to this question: "Well, no, but it hasn't got a thing to do with whether I'm dressed or not."

Our marriage was rather Hobbesian--short, nasty and brutish--and finished even more miserably. But it didn't have anything to do with my TGism.

Annabelle

[AmandaM]

Dressing, atleast for me, has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Sadly my gf has a hard time processing that. She feels that people who dress are generally gay. -__- why else would I dress up. No matter how much I assure her she still feels that way and tries her hardest to trust my word. I don't know how else to convince her, she truly feels that I'm bi in some sort of way, which isn't true at all. (-__-v) its quite frustrating

No, not true. You can't be gay unless you also like track lighting.

[BRANDYJ]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Marlana

Is the Pope Catholic? Why would the way I dress change my attraction to my wife? I don't get it. If anyone answered saying that they are not still attracted to their wife while dressed, I'd say they have some serious issues! In my opinion you shot yourself in the foot by not responding with a simple, "YES, of course I'm still attracted to you when dressed! You danced around her direct simple question and perhaps made her think the worst, like you are attracted to men while dressed or maybe other CD's.

My attraction to my SO makes me want to dress more. So I must be pretty darn attracted to her.

And Karen's right, you are toast when your wife said fine go if you want to.

[sterling12]

On that Support Group Situation. The Trick is to get your wife to ALSO attend The Meeting. Almost all Groups actively support Significant Others, and with a little luck she will get to meet other wives that can relate to her situation. They will probably give her some needed support and coping mechanisms, and with a little luck you two will get involved with other couples in social situations. The Point is that SHE will now become more secure, more involved, and feeling a lot less threatened!

Oh by the way, she's sort of right. They will say "it's OK," unless your really screwing up with a lot of bad behaviors. They know that trying to get you to stop this is virtually impossible. But, that it's not A Deal Breaker, and you two can cope with it. Perhaps if she hears it from other wive's, realizes that The Focus for S.O.'s is to find new ways to improve and deepen their relationships, she might just change her attitude.

So, "bust a gut" trying to get her to attend. Enlist The Aid of people within The Group. They almost always have liaison and outreach people who can be very persuasive with a reluctant spouse. After a little time attending meetings and group functions, she won't have to keep asking you about you affections and loyalties....she will know!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[GingerLeigh]

Am I still attracted to my wife while dressed? Are you kidding me? Here's the woman I love, I married and have children with, staring at me while dressed to the nines in female attire and she does not laugh at me, only quietly accepting me... I find my love for her is even more profound and my attraction skyrockets to an even higher plateau! What a wonderful woman I married.

Ginger

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife that I was a CD before we married. She accepted me "as is," and we had almost 50 years together before cancer took her. I always made it very plain to her that no matter what I had on, I was still her MAN. We never had any problems with my crossdressing! I have never wanted to be a woman, and still don't. I just like to wear feminine clothing!

[mbmeen12]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually
attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Yes it has actually help me in understanding her hormonal moments aka her monthly sore breasts/cramps (PMS) and to include woman at work who are truly treated/sized up by certain males. It also, if you don't mind me adding, how Gays and Trans Gender are treated in the world/news etc making me a MORE empathetic person. Which in-turn make me a better human being besides a better loving husband.

[Rebeccarabbit]

Hi all,
I get this question asked also, and we only married recently. I have known Ruth for 5 years.
I love her so much, caring, understanding, loving.
I do struggle with Male arousel, which. prompts the inevitable question.

[Aprilrain]

I love it when women say "Fine"..... you know your toast.....

damn straight sweetie!:devil:

[RADER]

Yes I do; and she knows it. The clothes I am wearing have on influence on my love and respect for
my wife. Just the fact that she goes along with my desire to wear women's clothes, increases my
love for her at all times.
Rader

[Marlana]

Thank you all for you support and ideas. I will say that at the time the question was asked, I said said that I was still attracted to her...because I am, just not when I'm dressed as I'm always alone. I didn't however think of the whole "other woman" or "affair" point of view. I am quite confident she will not attend a meeting with me. I kinda feel out of place myself as I don't have a wig or make up to even try to look presentable in public. Hence the lack of face shots. You all make my day.

[Kaz]

If you love her, make sure you don't let your CD side diminish her in any way at all. It will be a threat to her world and possibly to her as a partner. I love my wife more now than ever before. I understand her a whole lot better and amazed at what women are expected to do and what men take for granted.

But having said that... 'fine' and 'that' look... and I am indeed toast!

[Bree Wagner]

I'm attracted to my wife when I'm me. I guess that'd be 100% of the time! :)

Now, if you ask "Is she attracted to me when dressed?" you'll get a very different answer.

-Bree

[reb.femme]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

My wife set my bell ringing many years ago, and it's still ringing loudly today.
So for me in either drab or fab, she makes my heart skip. :o

Rebecca x

[Kelli Ca]

I am just as attracted to my wife derssed as not but feel spo much freer when dressed

[Eryn]

Am I mentally attracted to her when dressed? Sure! What I'm wearing doesn't change what I see and feel.

However, when I'm dressed we behave as friends. That makes things much less complicated.

[BobbieBrooks]

Dressed en femme For me YES!!! I am still a guy, just dressing won't change that. I dress for the piece and comfort it gives me, and my wife understands this. And one of us doesn't need to wear a strap- on when the time comes!!! LOL

BobbieB

[Alice B]

Yes I am, but she won't let me get close enough to express it.

[Andrea Renea]

She's always my soul-mate no matter how I'm dressed

[Claire Cook]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?
Marlana

Another "Definitely" here. My feelings for my lover / partner / soulmate of 40+ years are, if anything, more affectionate when I am dressed. (But we both prefer intimacy when I am not dressed.)

[DonnaT]

It's not enough to say you are still sexually attracted to your SO, you need to show it. If she, or he, doesn't want to receive your affection, that's a different story, but at least you can still say "yes I am".

[Teri Ray]

I have only been married to my wife for 39 years. I love her and I figure my love has nothing to do with my desire to dress. I will keep my wife for 40 years and if I still like her I will keep her. (I don't want to make any hasty decisions)

[Foxglove]

(I don't want to make any hasty decisions)

I congratulate you. That's what I should have said before I got married. What can I say? You can't expect to be stupid for free, can you?

Annabelle

[Tina B.]

Clothes, and arousal, interesting topic. Well due to health issues, sex is no longer relevant here, but sex never played a big part in my dressing, not since I wa a young man. Being a man, I've always been more than ready to strip away Tina and be a man, at the slightest hint, of the mood being right. I always thought it was a shame, she didn't have just a bit of lesbian in her, so I didn't need to change, but since she didn't, I would change in a heart beat. 42 years in to the marriage, and I never thought of sex with another women, and have never thought about it with a guy, there was a time since I dressed I thought I might have been gay, but that was not possible, because the thought of being held by a guy, is a complete turn off for me. for 42 years I've seen her as the sexiest women around, and I'm still turned on by her, and her exclusively, just can't do much about it these days.
Tina B.

[Thera Home]

Clothes, and arousal, interesting topic. Well due to health issues, sex is no longer relevant here, but sex never played a big part in my dressing, not since I wa a young man. Being a man, I've always been more than ready to strip away Tina and be a man, at the slightest hint, of the mood being right. I always thought it was a shame, she didn't have just a bit of lesbian in her, so I didn't need to change, but since she didn't, I would change in a heart beat. 42 years in to the marriage, and I never thought of sex with another women, and have never thought about it with a guy, there was a time since I dressed I thought I might have been gay, but that was not possible, because the thought of being held by a guy, is a complete turn off for me. for 42 years I've seen her as the sexiest women around, and I'm still turned on by her, and her exclusively, just can't do much about it these days.
Tina B.

Tina
I am so with you on this,my wife is the grandest woman I have ever or will ever meet. As far as the man flesh issue, I don't want it close to me except if hes saving my life and we have clothes on.:heehee:

Thera

[Miriam-J]

Absolutely. If anything, I'm even more attracted to her when dressed - because she is so wonderfully supportive of my dressing.

Miriam

[Rachel Morley]

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so? You bet I am. Nothing changes for me.

[DianeDeBris]

You can't expect to be stupid for free, can you?Annabelle

This is a *wonderful* turn of phrase, which I shall freely steal.
As to the main topic, I entirely agree that my love for my wife has no connection in any way with my need to dress, and vice versa; although I certainly can understand how a GG can legitimately be moved to ask the question.
Hugs -- Diane

[ReineD]

Her question was, "When you dress like a woman, are you still attracted to me?" I tried to explain that it wasn't about how I felt about her. I have made it clear that I want to stay married. I want our family to stay together.

So I guess my question is, while dressed en femme, are you still sexually attracted to your wife/gf/so?

Uh oh. Saying you want to stay married and the family to stay together does not mean, "Yes, I'm attracted to you no matter how I'm dressed". So the question rather is, are YOU still sexually attracted to your wife when you're dressed? I'm just wondering why you are asking others how THEY feel.

There's another thread going on right now about Crossdressing and Male Attraction (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?176977-Crossdressing-and-male-attraction), and I'm wondering if you are currently questioning yourself about this. I gather this is common, and if this is the case, your wife may be feeling that something is amiss and she is therefore feeling insecure. I'm not sure how the two of you can navigate the issue if this is what is happening, but I wish you the best of luck. If, on the other hand you are not questioning yourself, then you really do need to reassure your wife ASAP.

And to share my own experience, I also went through a period of some years when I felt I did not float my SO's proverbial boat. In our case, much had to do with our getting to know each other at the same time as I was learning about the CDing, and well, it is different being in a relationship with a CDer compared to someone who doesn't CD. CDers reach heights of euphoria at times that a GG knows that she is not a part of, and men who don't CD don't feel this way so it is easier for the wife of a non-CD to feel central in her husband's sexual attraction. Also, it is not uncommon for CDers in the beginning to not totally disclose everything to their wives (how much they look forward to being dressed, a few things ordered on the internet, their participation in CDing related sites, taking time to express themselves, etc), and when communication isn't stellar about all of these things a wife can begin to feel as if her husband is keeping secrets. And then she begins to fill in the blanks with her own version of what she thinks is going on, one of them being that her husband's attention is wandering elsewhere.

I just wanted to explain a bit about a wife's thinking process when she is new to all of this, when there isn't complete transparency with the CDing. I hope it helps.

[PretzelGirl]

Let's see. Her love for me doesn't change when I dress. So it is a slam dunk that mine doesn't either. I married my best friend. There should never be any shifting of feelings between us based on material things.

[Allsteamedup]

'When you dress like a woman are you still attracted to me?'

I don' think your wife meant are you attracted to her standing there in your finery. I think she was asking if you regard her less because you are dressing as a woman and thereby taking away her standing in your relationship.

It seems hard for men to accept the number of sexual anxieties that they throw up when dressing. Even in the living room, (nowhere near the bedroom physically) she is wondering if your new woman is taking her place in your affections;if you are thinking about 'her' when you are intimate, thereby 'stealing' her experience; or wondering if you would rather be with a man; or realising that you are not present emotionally than before she knew....

Unfortunately, a 'don't be silly..of course I love you' isn't going to reassure her. She knows what has changed between you and you need to find the courage to keep talking about it.

The SOs she will meet at a support group will tell her how they cope. It is not unusual to find cders there who are not completely dressed.

[Joann Smith]

Speaking for myself....I am still attracted to my wife when i am dressed ...It really pisses her off when i am wearing lipstick though.
Got that same question as well...("are you attracted to me when you are dressed"") I do not understand why she feels that I would not be attracted to her when I am wearing A dress ...She should be concern weather I am still attracted to her when she that ugly A... mo mo to bed....

OH!! The group meeting thing ...she went to a few with me...did not help it just pissed her off us both off .. got to be a tad bit boring.

[Jessica S]

Absoulutely I am still attracted to my wife when I am dressed. Changing clothes doesn't change my feelings toward her. She is still my wife and I am still her husband just in a dress. It also a helps that my wife is very attractive.

[Launa]

I can tell you I am much more sexually attracted to my wife when I'm dressed in fem rather than in drab. If I can fool around dressed up then it feels like I'm on a drug. However the wife is not all that sexually gung ho about it.