Crossdressing and male attraction [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

toni_62

06-29-2012, 08:50 PM

I'm new here and have really enjoyed it so far. I'm not sure whats proper conversation for sure so please tell me if I'm breaking a rule.

I have not been crossdressing seriously very long, but experimented with it as a teen onward on and off. I have always been attracted to womens attire even when young, and found myself picturing myself wearing the clothing in catalogs and stores. Since at least my early twenties I have had fantasies about being with a man. The thing is these fantasies were of me dressed as a woman. I don't look at men sexually in day to day life. When I think of two men together it's a turn off. But when dressed I feel differently about it.

So when I did start recently take up crossdressing seriously I felt I had to try to be with a guy. Some things I enjoyed and somethings I didn't. I have tried kissing the only two men I have been with and talk about a weird feeling. Absolutely nothing chemistry wise at all. Actually I found it unpleasant (icky) and it felt nothing like I feel when I kiss a GG.

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.

I know some crossdressers do not want to be with men at all. But how many of you are like me who feel the need to or like the idea of being with men although you are not turned on by the men per se, just some of the things you can do with one?

Also for those who have SO's how is this topic ever delt with? I am really at a loss to see how I could ever even have a serious relationship with a GG again, much less ever marrying having a desire to be with a man when I'm dressed.

Sandy Michaels

06-29-2012, 09:18 PM

i understand what you are saying. at first i was like that. for the most part i still am. iv'e been trying to figure those thoughts out. i accepted that i was attracted to "that" and not the person it's attached to. now i find myself attracted to the whole person. i think once you start accepting ideas you will start to understand them better.

Antoinette

06-29-2012, 09:48 PM

RADER

06-29-2012, 09:49 PM

I myself would never be with a man;
That said, you have to find what you like and try it out.
If being with a man, means icky kissing, then maybe you should stick with girls.
Most cross dressers are hetero-sexual, they like girls only. and like myself, like to wear their clothes.
I guess that is what some of us are all about, yet some only want to be with a man.
This is a choicest only you can make.
Rader

Annaliese2010

06-29-2012, 09:52 PM

I have NO desire to be with a man. In fact I have no desire to relate in any way with males on any level. I get attention from men sometimes but completely ignore it..it's as if they don't even exist or are so off my radar as to be 'invisible'. I'm crazy about GG's I meet for whom I feel an attraction or some chemistry and prefer relationships with them. I can relate to them from the standpoint of my male self - but - the best is when a GG likes both my male self and at times get turned on being with my female self. Though I could handle a GG relationship where she mostly wants to interact with me as a girl.

I'm open to a relationship with another M2F transgendered girl but only if I feel a strong natural attraction to her and only if she is truly transgendered...meaning, if she is really truly thinking experiencing behaving & feeling immersed in her feminine self. Thats not being gay, that's two girls being together. It's really more accurately a form of lesbianism not male on male.

Which is why I could never be with a male CD..a man who dresses in womans clothes yet lacks any well developed genuine female self that is deeply felt & immediately present and moment to moment expressive. But if there is no real self identification with a nascent inner female self, or where his female side is shallow, not well developed and not predominant, that individual is not transgendered but a male CD...not a girl. There IS a difference.

Mistybtm

06-29-2012, 10:03 PM

So when I did start recently take up crossdressing seriously I felt I had to try to be with a guy. Some things I enjoyed and somethings I didn't. I have tried kissing the only two men I have been with and talk about a weird feeling. Absolutely nothing chemistry wise at all. Actually I found it unpleasant (icky) and it felt nothing like I feel when I kiss a GG.

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.

But how many of you are like me who feel the need to or like the idea of being with men although you are not turned on by the men per se, just some of the things you can do with one? .

I feel the same way as you do I love being with a man sexualy but that is where it ends.

paulaprimo

06-29-2012, 10:14 PM

hi toni,
no rule broken here. this subject pops up over and over again.
you are not alone in the way you feel. stats say most cd'ers are "straight", but there are many bi-cd'ers here also.
and make no mistake, male with male sex, makes you at least bi, even when dressed. but like you, in my day to day life, i enjoy chasing the women and not
at all interested in men. BUT, when dressed, i am only interested in men and not women. i am divorced, so i do have the freedom of choice. :D

ReineD

06-29-2012, 10:29 PM

Also for those who have SO's how is this topic ever delt with? I am really at a loss to see how I could ever even have a serious relationship with a GG again, much less ever marrying having a desire to be with a man when I'm dressed.

You need to come to terms with the fact that you are not bi. You are not attracted to men, not even when you are dressed. I say this based on your following words:

I don't look at men sexually in day to day life. When I think of two men together it's a turn off. But when dressed I feel differently about it.

I have tried kissing the only two men I have been with and talk about a weird feeling. Absolutely nothing chemistry wise at all. Actually I found it unpleasant (icky) and it felt nothing like I feel when I kiss a GG.

But, you do enjoy feeling feminine, and what better way to enhance your femininity than to be the recipent (while imagining that you have a vagina) of the body part that a that a man has and a woman doesn't:

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.

The term for this is "autogynephilia": the love of oneself as a woman. Some CDers prefer to engage in the fantasies solo, while others seek men (only for that one body part). If you do not find men attractive and you feel no chemistry, then you are not attracted to them.

The best solution would be to get into a relationship with a woman who sees and loves all your gender facets. If you can give yourself permission to feel feminine with her and if the two of you can be creative in bed, then all your dreams will be fulfilled.

toni_62

06-29-2012, 11:08 PM

Noemi

06-29-2012, 11:16 PM

I'm not attracted to men in any sense. One of my recent issues being that may gay friend claims I kissed him when I was drunk. He told my girlfriend and never told me, at all. I know for a fact it didn't happen but my girlfriend believe it did. Simply because to her there's no other reason why I would crossdress unless it was to attract men. So it's still a major issue in my relationship and I think it'll end because of it.

Double Drat.
Not a good friend, I know gay people that have similar hang ups and I avoid.
She should have some faith in you. Go buy her some thing immediately....she will like you again, if you want her around.
"An unexpected gift is the key that unlocks a woman's heart."

♥
Noemi

ReineD

06-29-2012, 11:19 PM

Toni, at least you've gone out there and tried it, so now you know what fits and what doesn't.

I can't tell you how many people stay stuck in the fantasy, without ever actually determining for themselves what works and what doesn't. And this can wreak havoc when they try to get into relationships with GGs, or when they are in relationships but stop enjoying sex with them because they're stuck in a fantasy.

Good on you for having the courage to go out there and try, and kudos to you for being honest about it! I have a feeling that when you do find that special girl in your life, with your honesty things will progress rather nicely. :)

whowhatwhen

06-29-2012, 11:28 PM

busker

06-29-2012, 11:52 PM

Do you exclusively fantasize about men, or is it just a once-in-a-blue-moon type thing?
Do you think you allow yourself to find men attractive?

I don't doubt for a second you're straight, but I'm just curious since I have a theory that CDing lowers the inhibitions a bit and lets more personal things come to the fore.

the pink fog or rationalization. I'm dressed as a woman so I might just as well act like one and get laid.
this is another one "'I'm open to a relationship with another M2F transgendered girl "
as is this
"Which is why I could never be with a male CD..a man who dresses in womans clothes yet lacks any well developed genuine female self that is deeply felt & immediately present"
I do not think it is possible for any male, through the miracle of surgery or chemistry to promote a "genuine" female self. If you are socialized as a male, that is your subjective viewpoint of the world and your environment. It cannot be anything else. It is difficult enough to describe what it is to be a male (or female) and to think that one could just say abra ca dabra and BE a female is truly a fantasy. A male can only project what his IMAGINATION creates of a female persona. Since he can never look through the eyes and mind of a real woman his viewpoint is limited., as is his projection . IMHHHHHO

toni_62

06-30-2012, 12:01 AM

I can honestly say I never pay any attention to men. I work on a college campus and I do look at the young women. I think some of the things I like about being with a guy is I just want to have sex like a woman. Do what a woman does with and to a man. But like I also said since in reality I'm a man I don't want them returning the favors.

I don't fantasize about being with a GG while I am dressed as a woman. I would like to be with a woman while dressed either as a friend or lover if she was into it. I just have not ever met one that was into a guy who CD's.

ReineD

06-30-2012, 12:03 AM

I don't doubt for a second you're straight, but I'm just curious since I have a theory that CDing lowers the inhibitions a bit and lets more personal things come to the fore.

This might have been true years ago when being gay was considered a mental illness or perverted. But, I can't imagine young people today suppressing any real male-attraction so much that they would deny themselves those feelings. Someone in their 50s or 60s maybe, but surely not someone in their 20s or 30s?

toni_62

06-30-2012, 12:24 AM

I'll be the big 50 in September! Never been married, engaged once but it fell apart due to nothing sexual. I have had a good many what I call serious relationships, but never ended up marrying them. Part of the reason was I am very introverted believe it or not and didn't have any of these serious relationships until my late thirties on when most of these women had children and did not want anymore. I look a little younger than my actual age and when dolled up look nothing like my normal self.

AmandaM

06-30-2012, 12:30 AM

Toni, I've been there. When I was 21 I went to a gay bar to "find out". We went all the way, but it wasn't deeply satisfying, more of a mechanical thing. I haven't done it since and it's been decades. I still fantasize about it though. I'm not sure the autogeni-whatever is sufficient to explain it. I don't "love myself" as a woman, or fantasize exclusively that I'm a woman. I also fantasize that I'm women I know or see, or even famous hotties, you get the picture. But everything you said, I do. I don't look at men sexually. I do look at women, constantly. I'm not attracted to men. But that certain part has its own attraction. I still don't understand it. :)

kimmyg

06-30-2012, 02:27 AM

Toniu
When I am dressed I only want to have sex as a woman, either with a GG or a MtF CD.I don't do it for the chemistry only for the pleasure
but I do not chase after men in my every day male life.

Vickie_CDTV

06-30-2012, 04:01 AM

If you are attracted to women but like still want the unique male anatomy you could try another (non-op) trans person. There are certainly lonely trans girls out there and you probably won't have much trouble finding someone.

As for GGs, you handle any future relationships by being 100% honest about yourself. Before you make any commitments with a GG (especially having children with them), they have the right to know the "terms" of the contract and exactly what she is getting into so she can make an informed choice (and spare some future mutual frustration and heartbreak.)

LisaMallon

06-30-2012, 04:04 AM

Good advice Reine, can't add anything to it except to agree with Toni that you were correct to try things out.

Everyone has lots of fantasies (boy and some of mine are so far out), but in the end you can only work out what really 'rocks your boat' by actually trying things out.
If they work great, if not then you know that it is not for you and you can go and find out what does.

Humans have pretty weird sexualities (though we like to pretend we don't) and CD/TG/TS people tend to be a bit weirder than most.

Good on you Toni you know more about yourself, good luck in finding that 'boat rocking' :)

kimdl93

06-30-2012, 05:56 AM

There are at least three possibilities . You may be gay but haven't fully
Come to terms with it yet. You may be bisexual, and haven't come to terms with it.m or you may be fantasizing about male sex as a way of heightening the eroticism you associate with CDing. If its a or b, then it's likely that you would find more than one part of a man attractive and you would be attracted to other males regardless of how you are dressed.

Rebeccarabbit

06-30-2012, 06:19 AM

when I have sex with my SO I try to make her happy in a soft and gentle way, yes I am submissive, the sex is sensual. Do I fantasize about men, yes, as I am bisexual. My SO is Domme, and pansexual so I guess we are lucky and well matched. I love her dearly she is my everything and my soul mate. I don't require anything else. Whilst I may fantasize about men, I could not share my life with a man, I am not gay, and to be perfectly honest finding a good male is difficult

Josie M

06-30-2012, 06:24 AM

Not only did ReineD nail it, but I actually scrolled down the comments thinking "ReineD's got this one, I'm sure of it" :)

I agree, this doesn't look like a sexual attraction to men as much as an attraction to being sexual as a woman.

Xandra

06-30-2012, 09:18 AM

What you say resonates with me. And it is really confusing.

I feel no sexual attraction to men but that changes when dressed as a woman. Kissing a man is a turn off but that certain body part is appealing to me and subsequently what I can do with a man appeals to me. I am very much attracted to all thing feminine, which is why a man dressed as a woman appeals to me.

I often wish it were easier but I am slowly accepting this is how I’m wired. And whether this makes me bi, gay, or something else I know not!

Alexandra.

Thera Home

06-30-2012, 10:27 AM

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.

Toni
this fog thing can get overwhelming,lustful at times. Just don't let it overwhelm you. Enjoy the ride but remember you can always get off at the next stop.

Thera

monicagurl23

06-30-2012, 11:38 AM

toni_62 i am new to this too and have been asking myself many of the same questions.

Sophie_C

06-30-2012, 01:30 PM

You know, I have to ask a simple question about all of this:

For women, hetero, GG women (especially the ones responding here), don't most guys NOT "do it" for you?

Don't the vast majority of guys not have that unknown chemistry that makes things right for you?

So, what's to say that if a person who isn't GG, who figured they'd just try out guys, wouldn't have the same sort of thing going on for themselves? Wouldn't the majority of guys not have the chemistry they needed, just like the majority of guys don't have the chemistry you need for a relationship?

And, just because the majority of guys don't have that chemistry, it doesn't mean you're not attracted to guys, right? Of course, you still are. So, what's to say that's any bit different?

Sometimes I think people are too dismissive of these simple things. I'm quite sure most GGs didn't have amazing chemistry with the first guy they dated, but sooner or later they met a guy they did have great chemistry with, and life carried on from there, no?

Or, it could just be all fantasy...

I feel these questions just need to be asked, since they never have been, and should be, that's all...

ReineD

06-30-2012, 01:58 PM

For women, hetero, GG women (especially the ones responding here), don't most guys NOT "do it" for you?

Don't the vast majority of guys not have that unknown chemistry that makes things right for you?

Sometimes I think people are too dismissive of these simple things. I'm quite sure most GGs didn't have amazing chemistry with the first guy they dated, but sooner or later they met a guy they did have great chemistry with, and life carried on from there, no?

Simple. I see many beautiful women walking around and also in the media. I have NEVER been attracted to any of them. In fact, the idea of kissing or having sex with a genetic woman no matter how beautiful, smart, confident, accomplished, kind, creative (in short all the qualities I look for in men), gives me the heebie-jeebies. lol

On the other hand, it is true that not all genetic men produce the butterfly feelings internally for me, but when I've had those feelings it has only been with physical males.

You have to be hetero in order to understand this, I think.

whowhatwhen

06-30-2012, 02:03 PM

Or, perhaps it's difficult to get a good read on how you really feel if all you're looking for from a man is a quick bone.
(lol)

Take what I say with a grain of salt, for the intensity of my attraction to men changes as often as the weather.

joannemarie barker

06-30-2012, 02:19 PM

Simple. I see many beautiful women walking around and also in the media. I have NEVER been attracted to any of them. In fact, the idea of kissing or having sex with a genetic woman no matter how beautiful, smart, confident, accomplished, kind, creative (in short all the qualities I look for in men), gives me the heebie-jeebies. lol

On the other hand, it is true that not all genetic men produce the butterfly feelings internally for me, but when I've had those feelings it has only been with physical males.

You have to be hetero in order to understand this, I think.

I don't think you have to be Hetero to understand that at all.not all guys do that for me either and no camp guys do at all but there have been one or two guys that have given me that nervous butterflies feeling in my stomach :)

Rebeccarabbit

06-30-2012, 02:31 PM

I never really comment on men as attractive, and giving the butterfly feelings.however, there is the odd time. For instance was in the car with Ruth the other day, and a bare chested Navi crossed the road he was complete with six pack and rather Buff..........I made a comment to Ruth and said "Corr he's fit" rather than being chastised over the comment she said to me "you never comment on men", and I don't but credit where credit is due he was toned and good looking..........

ReineD

06-30-2012, 02:35 PM

I don't think you have to be Hetero to understand that at all.not all guys do that for me either and no camp guys do at all but there have been one or two guys that have given me that nervous butterflies feeling in my stomach :)

Huh? Did you read the question that I was answering? :) In short, Sophie was asking people not to dismiss real male attraction as being "fake", since if women aren't attracted to all men, it could well be that men aren't attracted to all men either. My response is that hetero women aren't attracted to other women at all, not even one or two. If you have a real attraction to some men then by definition you're not hetero. :p

... I also need to expand on this. If you fantasize about some men but have not physically determined whether you are turned off or not by placing yourself in the situation of being a male-bodied individual who is having sex with another male-bodied individual, then you don't know whether or not you are same sex attracted. Keeping all of this at the fantasy level might be a lot of fun (there are no limits to fantasies), but it doesn't provide any real answers.

toni_62

06-30-2012, 02:56 PM

whowhatwhen, no it's a huge pain to find someone, then work out the details. I was on a certain site for awhile and I got lots of offers and only acted on three of them. So not about a quickie at least for me. I have come to believe it's as much about interacting with someone while dressed, and being wanted while dressed as anything.

Sophie_C thats a legit point, but I have never felt grossed out that much kissing any woman. I've kissed a few I didn't feel that special feeling with, but never thought gross I don't like this.

whowhatwhen

06-30-2012, 03:25 PM

Oh, I didn't mean you specifically.
:)

You've tried it and it's obvious you're straight since you didn't feel any emotional connection to the same sex.

NathalieX66

06-30-2012, 03:31 PM

... I also need to expand on this. If you fantasize about some men but have not physically determined whether you are turned off or not by placing yourself in the situation of being a male-bodied individual who is having sex with another male-bodied individual, then you don't know whether or not you are same sex attracted. Keeping all of this at the fantasy level might be a lot of fun (there are no limits to fantasies), but it doesn't provide any real answers.

Yeah, right?
I agree with Reine.
Gay guys seem to be so interested in guys.........as guys.
I think the CD/TG thing makes it more interesting for some guys, but not all...or most.

ReineD

06-30-2012, 04:13 PM

I have come to believe it's as much about interacting with someone while dressed, and being wanted while dressed as anything.

Yup, judging by the scads of similar sentiment I've read here over they years, this seems to be the consensus. But the problem lies in finding a man who isn't after a CD for his penis. Men who seek out CDers over GGs and who would "go there" with these CDers, are (generally) doing so specifically because they want the man parts too. The TS section is filled with stories about being dropped like a hot potato the minute she has SRS.

julia marie

06-30-2012, 04:20 PM

Toni. You aren't alone in thinking about being with a guy when you are dressed. I agree with the site members who say those thoughts make them feel more feminine. I've never done the gay thing, but I've become more curious about it in recent years, and I'll probably try it (dressed or not). Yes, I've seen guys that gave me a bit of a flutter, but when I'm in drab there aren't many that are attractive. I think one aspect to the idea of being interested in guys when dressed is that I wonder what it's like having a guy treat me like a woman (although he would know I wasn't), and I might come a bit closer to viewing the world as a woman.
Of course, what I find funny is that when I'm out as a guy and I see a pretty woman I'm torn between wanting to be her, or to be with her.

danam

06-30-2012, 04:50 PM

Just wanted to say that I read this thread with intense interest. I too never once thought I was gay, but always loved CDing. But lately I too have pondered this question, as my fantasies have taken a strong bisexual turn.

I had a very strange experience the second time I went out (which, incidentally, I documented on youtube). I was in the mall for like 2 minutes, dressed in a skirt suit. I got maybe 100 feet in the mall, saw a janitor way across the hall, and immediately turned around to leave the building. He followed me. He was a safe distance, so I wasn't worried about contact, but I needed to leave. I sensed he was watching me (I think I did look pretty good from that distance) so I made sure that I kept walking like a woman. I focused intently on maintaining my girly walk. I completely shocked myself that I enjoyed it! I really enjoyed the feeling of being watched by a man. Ever since that moment I have had some pretty detailed fantasies of being with a man. I have never explored these fantasies in real life. So I am intensely interested in learning more about how that type of situation works out. And, like you, the thought continually crosses my mind--am I "bi" now? Now that I fantasize of being dressed as a woman and being totally with a man? Because I must admit, my fantasies (never explored in real life, mind you) are definitely quite bi.

But in real life, in day-to-day interactions, I have no attraction to men whatsoever. I'm always checking out the GGs. Darn its complicated!!!! :)

AmandaM

06-30-2012, 05:02 PM

I really think it's that CDers are part-female mentally. I can offer no other explanation. When we get in touch with the female part of us, you never know what feelings show up.

ReineD

06-30-2012, 06:22 PM

And, like you, the thought continually crosses my mind--am I "bi" now? Now that I fantasize of being dressed as a woman and being totally with a man? Because I must admit, my fantasies (never explored in real life, mind you) are definitely quite bi.

Well, you won't know if you're bi until you actually go out there and try it, so see how it makes you feel. As long as it is in the realm of fantasy, it is just that: a fantasy.

I gather there are many CDers who over time find this fantasy particularly exciting since it emphasizes their femininity in ways not previously experienced (AGP), and since they're having so much fun with it they're not particularly interested in getting answers for themselves and possibly shattering the illusion. :p

It's like a teenage girl who is enamored with a particular teen idol, and she has all kinds of sexual fantasies about him. She knows they'll never meet and the fantasies provide her with hours and hours of thrilling moments as she is discovering her sexuality. If she met him in real life though, they might not connect at all especially if he didn't think she was all that special. And if she is unwilling to let go of the fantasy, this might seriously get in the way of developing a relationship with a boy in her neighborhood who might really like her. This boy would not be able to compare.

I know this isn't a great analogy but it's the best I can do.

whowhatwhen

06-30-2012, 06:51 PM

Well, you won't know if you're bi until you actually go out there and try it, so see how it makes you feel. As long as it is in the realm of fantasy, it is just that: a fantasy.

I'm going to disagree there, sexual orientation is not defined by having sex.
It's based on physical attraction so if you're attracted to both sexes, then you're bisexual.

If it turns out not to be, then no one forces you to continue having same sex relationships but if you're still physically attracted to the same sex then it's really not fair to say you're straight.

ReineD

06-30-2012, 07:07 PM

I'm going to disagree there, sexual orientation is not defined by having sex.
It's based on physical attraction so if you're attracted to both sexes, then you're bisexual.

Oh, c'mon! What if you fantasize until the cows come home, and then when you're actually in a room with a guy that you presumably went with because you thought he fit the bill and then when you're in the middle of the act, you think either, "Ick" or "I don't feel a thing".

No. There's a difference between fantasy and real life.

whowhatwhen

06-30-2012, 07:15 PM

Oh, c'mon! What if you fantasize until the cows come home, and then when you're actually in a room with a guy that you presumably went with because you thought he fit the bill and then when you're in the middle of the act, you think either, "Ick" or "I don't feel a thing".

No. There's a difference between fantasy and real life.

Sex != attraction.
It's how you can be gay (or straight) before having sex, putting your wiener somewhere doesn't magically flip a sexual orientation switch.
:D

Aprilrain

06-30-2012, 08:33 PM

the pink fog or rationalization. I'm dressed as a woman so I might just as well act like one and get laid.
this is another one "'I'm open to a relationship with another M2F transgendered girl "
as is this
"Which is why I could never be with a male CD..a man who dresses in womans clothes yet lacks any well developed genuine female self that is deeply felt & immediately present"
I do not think it is possible for any male, through the miracle of surgery or chemistry to promote a "genuine" female self. If you are socialized as a male, that is your subjective viewpoint of the world and your environment. It cannot be anything else. It is difficult enough to describe what it is to be a male (or female) and to think that one could just say abra ca dabra and BE a female is truly a fantasy. A male can only project what his IMAGINATION creates of a female persona. Since he can never look through the eyes and mind of a real woman his viewpoint is limited., as is his projection . IMHHHHHO

speak for yourself buster! and what the $%^& are you wearing anyway!!!

AmandaM

06-30-2012, 09:01 PM

busker

06-30-2012, 09:16 PM

speak for yourself buster! and what the $%^& are you wearing anyway!!!

I always wear my tinfoil hat when I'm on CDdotcom, and carry a BIG umbrella for just -in-case.

Babeba

07-01-2012, 09:21 AM

I'm going to disagree there, sexual orientation is not defined by having sex.
It's based on physical attraction so if you're attracted to both sexes, then you're bisexual.

If it turns out not to be, then no one forces you to continue having same sex relationships but if you're still physically attracted to the same sex then it's really not fair to say you're straight.

In the case of the OP and with others who have posted, there isn't an attraction to men but their phalluses.

In the case of a friend of mine who is gay, he tried as a young teen to interest himself in girls and get crushes on girls... Never happened. If you were to use Kinsey's scale, he is as gay as they come and I can't remember if that is five or six, either way that is him. A person who is not vaguely interested even when open to it is definitely not that orientation. A person who fantasizes may or may not be, depending on the fantasy and how they would actually react. There are a lot of women with rape fantasies out there... It does not mean they are oriented to wanting to be forced into sex. It means that it is an exciting fantasy. (personally, I think it ties into the whole notion of sex being kind of shameful for women to want, so they can enjoy it without shame if they were not in charge of the decision to do it.)

Now, in the case of being attracted to a particular body part and not the rest of the Person, first off, that is turning them into a sex object and equating the person with the body part... Second off, with an accepting and willing partner (gg) there are ways to include that sort of role play into the bedroom. I don't want to be more explicit than that, but it seems to be a solution.

toni_62

07-01-2012, 01:28 PM

I'm still trying to figure things out, and I guess I will be for quite some time. The "Pink Fog" thing is so right though. For the first few months after I started CDing seriously I was so messed up with the high of it all I was actually wondering if I had serious gender identity issues! I finally decided "no silly you just have a fetish and like pretending to be a woman". I really don't want to be one full time. I think having sex with a few males showed me I was not gay and probably not even bi-sexual because I only liked certain aspects of being with a man.

I feel no attraction to men other than wanting them to fulfill my femm sides desires. My desires are sometimes when dressed to have sex like a woman. If I was not dressed no way could I do it, even though I could be en femm in my mind like I am now typing this. It does take being dressed to make the transformation complete.

It's really quite confusing because if I were to just throw on a wig and lipstick only I could not have sex with a man. I have to be fully dressed looking as good as I can possibly make myself look before I can go all the way. Almost like each step of getting dolled up is a ritual turning me into a physical woman merging her with the one in my head. I have to look in the mirror and see a woman, not a guy with a wig and lipstick on. Does this make any sense?

AmandaM

07-01-2012, 02:23 PM

Makes sense to me. I think in this regard, we're exactly alike.

ReineD

07-01-2012, 02:25 PM

The "Pink Fog" thing is so right though. For the first few months after I started CDing seriously I was so messed up with the high of it all I was actually wondering if I had serious gender identity issues!

You're a poster child for this forum! :)

Seriously, this seems to be common as well, and it can last more than just a few months for some people. If CDers feel constrained with the CDing due to either internal or external barriers (a degree of internailized transphobia or being in relationships with non-accepting partners), they'll be stuck at the very frustrating place of not being able to dress to get in touch with their deeper feelings, not being able to experience what it's really like to present as a woman in public, and all the fantasies will take on epic proportions.

AmandaM

07-01-2012, 02:29 PM

You're a poster child for this forum! :)
Seriously, this seems to be common as well, and it can last more than just a few months for some people. If CDers feel constrained with the CDing due to either internal or external barriers (a degree of internailized transphobia or being in relationships with non-accepting partners), they'll be stuck at the very frustrating place of not being able to dress to get in touch with their deeper feelings, not being able to experience what it's really like to present as a woman in public, and all the fantasies will take on epic proportions.

Reine, you need to become a gender therapist. You can see right through any issue more than anyone here.

ReineD

07-01-2012, 02:35 PM

If I were younger and had the time and resources to get the degree, this is most definitely something that I'd consider.

Leila Be

07-01-2012, 02:50 PM

Hi Toni, Thanks for the post and can I say: I 100% absolutely identify with your predicament. It's difficult to place onesself in any category. I know I'm totally turned on by the idea of intimacy with a man while en femme, namely for that unmentionable appendage, and yet have no physical attraction to men in any other sense. Sounds like we both should find friends in a crossdresser and try to carry on with GGs. All the Best, Leila.

Ressie

07-01-2012, 03:19 PM

Got porn? Would these fantasies occur without it? Just another thing to consider since you're not attracted to men in real life. Or did you ever have these fantasies when you were an adolescent (before porn became overly accessible)? I have similar fantasies BTW, but I'm reluctant to make them reality.

As far as 'flipping a switch' goes, electrical currents aren't always on/off. Resistance is variable.

whowhatwhen

07-01-2012, 04:38 PM

kirsten

07-01-2012, 04:40 PM

I kind feel the same way. when I dress as a women I think i like to be with a man. mabey just a fantasy

ReineD

07-01-2012, 04:43 PM

Whowhatwhen, you're going to have to stop thinking about it and get out there to experiment! Develop relationships with both GGs and guys and see where they lead you. :)

whowhatwhen

07-01-2012, 05:07 PM

Whowhatwhen, you're going to have to stop thinking about it and get out there to experiment! Develop relationships with both GGs and guys and see where they lead you. :)

All when I'm ready...
:)

It's just a very interesting topic to me, but I'm not desperate either.
;)

Sandy Michaels

07-01-2012, 05:35 PM

I dunno...
Porn isn't a good measure of anything IMO.

For example, I exclusively fantasize about guys but cannot get into gay porn.
Confusing enough as it is, I'd love to call myself straight but I just don't think of women sexually either.

i enjoy the company of men as much as women. depending on the day one more than the other. i also have a hard time getting into gay porn. i think it's because of the quality that its made with. i do enjoy watching the men in straight porn. or looking up "playgirl" type of pictures. maybe it's because i enjoy being fem while being with a man, and i'm picturing myself as the starlet in a vid. i do have "toys" to help me out when i can't find a suitable partner. maybe some solo experimenting could help you figure out stuff safely at home.

whowhatwhen

07-01-2012, 06:31 PM

or looking up "playgirl" type of pictures.

Now that I do like...
;)

The other thing, well... Not physically possible at the moment and there is a good chance it never will be.
Though we're drifting off topic here.

From what I can see though, being gay or bi extends to male mode as well so if you're not looking at naked dudes in drab then you're likely not gay or bi.

If you're still confused therapy could help, but there is no need to rush through anything.
<---- Take with a single grain of salt

toni_62

07-01-2012, 10:34 PM

On the porn I've never been a big fan of really any kind of porn although I have my favorites that involve what GGs do. I never look at naked male models at all. When at the gym I do notice guys, but its I wish I was that cut up type of thing. Not he's so hot LOL! Thanks for the comments, especially yours Reine! Very helpful , thank you.

bridgetta

07-01-2012, 10:52 PM

Reine. Very helpful! Thank you. I feel the same as toni. Toni. I understand.

whowhatwhen

07-03-2012, 03:39 PM

Whowhatwhen, you're going to have to stop thinking about it and get out there to experiment! Develop relationships with both GGs and guys and see where they lead you. :)

Sorry for bumping this, but I have to thank the posters of this thread.
It made me curious so I looked, and yup, definitely attracted to guys and not just the penis itself.

A milestone for sure, and while it doesn't answer everything it certainly makes a big difference and a big leap towards self-acceptance.
It comes down now to gay or bi, but straight is 100% definitely off the table.

A big thanks to the undoubtedly nsfw (but not pornographic) thread titled "PYF D**ks" thread on the SA forums.
:)

I would recommend anyone confused similar to the OP to try looking at non pornographic pictures of guys.
You'll know pretty quick if it's the male body turning you on, or just his penis.

Sandy Michaels

07-03-2012, 09:35 PM

Sorry for bumping this, but I have to thank the posters of this thread.
It made me curious so I looked, and yup, definitely attracted to guys and not just the penis itself.

A milestone for sure, and while it doesn't answer everything it certainly makes a big difference and a big leap towards self-acceptance.
It comes down now to gay or bi, but straight is 100% definitely off the table.

A big thanks to the undoubtedly nsfw (but not pornographic) thread titled "PYF D**ks" thread on the SA forums.
:)

I would recommend anyone confused similar to the OP to try looking at non pornographic pictures of guys.
You'll know pretty quick if it's the male body turning you on, or just his penis.

i went through the same thing. up until recently males were just a penis to me. now i find men just as attractive as females on all the same levels. it's been fun coming to understand those feelings. not with out head aches but definitely proud of my Bisexuality.

Alice Torn

07-03-2012, 10:03 PM

Toni, Your post could have been written by me. Same here. I am not really attracted to men, but, when all dolled up, feel like being with a gentleman, and being a lady. I met only one guy, and it was ok, but, he did not enjoy the meeting. No kissing, no penetration. I think he was wanting more.

Lady Panda

07-04-2012, 06:59 AM

Hi Toni,
first i want to say I'm glad you are allowing yourself to explore and figure out who you really are !!!
I am a GG who is involved with a wonderful person who is a CD.
Maybe this can give you some perspective from the other side of the fence......When I am with my SO and he is in Femme... he likes to be the Woman (recipient) so I donne my my "Male" personna and be the man with a little help (if you know what I mean w/o being too graphic) I love being and expressing the Male part of me. I guess I can say I am a CD too....When my SO is in male personna he is the mam and I function as a woman. I guess we both have a "duality" to both of us.

When he is in Femme I think he is the most beautiful thing (woman) in the world...when he is a man he is the most handsome , wonderful man in the world. I find womans breasts beautiful but i don't think I could ever be w a woman sexually. so even "straight people have some confusion about this issue too. We are all along the spectrum ...not black and white ....very many shades of grey.

Just Love yourself and take your time to figure it all out.

Just know that there are others that have been what you have been thru ....from both sides of the fence persay that can empathize w you .

i hope this gave you some food for thought and some comfort that we are all trying to figure it all out -----

Hugs for you !!!! big smiles tooo!!!!

For some of us it is more complicated....

Jillian Faith

07-04-2012, 07:54 AM

Of course, what I find funny is that when I'm out as a guy and I see a pretty woman I'm torn between wanting to be her, or to be with her.

OMG.....Do I know that feeling!

...And, like you, the thought continually crosses my mind--am I "bi" now? Now that I fantasize of being dressed as a woman and being totally with a man? Because I must admit, my fantasies (never explored in real life, mind you) are definitely quite bi.

But in real life, in day-to-day interactions, I have no attraction to men whatsoever. I'm always checking out the GGs. Darn its complicated!!!! :)

Another sister's perspective that I totally identify with.

seanmuscle

07-04-2012, 10:11 AM

laura.lapinski

07-04-2012, 10:26 AM

Toni_62. I feel the same as you, although I've never experimented yet. Lady Panda, that is awsome you and your husband can be that way with each other.

Lady Panda

07-04-2012, 04:13 PM

Toni_62. I feel the same as you, although I've never experimented yet. Lady Panda, that is awsome you and your husband can be that way with each other.

Thank you soo much ....I wish other women could be totally accepting. I think they have to realize that it is not about them but it IS about their SO and what they feel and who they are. What is inside them from birth.

ReineD

07-04-2012, 04:36 PM

Its only genetic girls who will deny this idea and come up with theories to cover up insecurities. The possibility that their man likes other men is VERY threatening.

Here we go again. :facepalm:

And nonsense. As a GG, I would much prefer my SO to have explored all of this and actually determined whether the fantasy of sex with someone who has a penis is a real attraction to men, or merely something that emphasizes internal feelings of femininity. If it is a desire to feel feminine in bed, then this is something that we can easily deal with. :D I would absolutely hate being with someone who hadn't determined if they are truly bi or not, and who therefore spent their time fantasizing being with men. I think it's important for any female-attracted CDer who is in a relationship with a GG, to know whether the actual experience of being a male-bodied man having sex with another male-bodied man is a turn-off or not.

But I agree with Reine there is no problem if CD just want to use men physically to feel like a woman.

Totally. The CD should explore. But honestly, if he does and he discovers that sex with a guy grosses him out, it's unlikely he'll want to repeat the experience? To continue doing this seems silly. Or if his imagination and fantasy is strong enough to move beyond the distaste of having sex with a man and he manages to disembody his partner and sees him as a penis only, frankly I wouldn't want to be this admirer. lol. I'd like to know I'm more than a body part when I have sex with someone. :p But, maybe I'm looking at it from a woman's point of view who sees sex as a more holistic (all encompassing) thing. Truthfully, it is the all-encompassing nature of sex that makes it a mind blowing experience for me.

However, if the CDer is not grossed out then he really is gay or bi and he can carry on having relationships with men and enjoy them.

He will love you unconditionally just like he would a genetic girl.

Well, not really. Although you (Seanmuscle) may be the exception and you date women no matter their chromosomes and body parts, admirers (or tranny chasers) specifically seek transwomen over GGs. I'm assuming an important difference is the presence of a penis, and judging by the stories I read in this forum and elsewhere from those who have experienced this, the transwomen are dropped as soon as they've had SRS. This is NOT loving them as any genetic girl.

whowhatwhen

07-04-2012, 04:48 PM

He will love you unconditionally just like he would a genetic girl.

A crossdresser isn't going to be spending all of her time in female mode, would you still love her in male mode?
Still be attracted to her male features and form? Still want to be seen in public as a gay couple?

Let's also not forget that a crossdresser who identifies as a man may still have a working penis and may actually want to use it...
Would you take care of those needs? In male mode as well?

ReineD

07-04-2012, 05:36 PM

Let's also not forget that a crossdresser who identifies as a man may still have a working penis and may actually want to use it...
Would you take care of those needs? In male mode as well?

I rather think this is precisely what admirers want. :)

Don't know about mail mode though. Mileage varies.

whowhatwhen

07-04-2012, 05:46 PM

Don't know about mail mode though. Mileage varies.

It never comes on a Sunday?

Edit:
It appears that in my haste to make a HILARIOUS pun, (because I'm 8 you see), I seem to have made no sense.

Sandy Michaels

07-04-2012, 06:15 PM

when it comes to relationships i look for a good connection with a person. don't really care if they're male, female, crossdresser, whatever. its more important to me to have that bond. unless it's a quickie then i go for what ever i'm in the mood for.

seanmuscle

07-04-2012, 06:42 PM

I rather think this is precisely what admirers want. :)

Don't know about mail mode though. Mileage varies.

Reine I just like femininity. It could be CD, transgender, preop, post op, genetic girl etc... I am masculine all the way and have no interest in the penis. As long as he looks like a genetic girl and enjoys traditional female gender roles then Im good. I love CDs with dainty builds, small hands/feet, soft features etc.. I would never date a CD that was big, hairy and had huge muscles.

But I agree on one thing. Tranny chasers are just bi/gay men who are in the closet. I am a straight man who likes feminine women. I have normal relationships with CDs. Man + woman. No fetish or anything like that.

BiancaEstrella

07-04-2012, 06:48 PM

I don't find the composite masculine form attractive. Stares and compliments from men while I'm en femme re-confirm the feeling that I'm doing something right, but after I say "thank you" if the conversation continues down the attraction (or fetishistic) rabbit-hole, I state my non-interest. I'm also mature enough to thank a gay man for a compliment paid while I'm not en femme, but then state that I'm flattered though not interested. (sidenote: I never understood the point of a straight guy blowing up on a gay guy in this situation - someone who finds your form attractive had the courage to tell you so. I don't always have the courage to do that to women and it's pretty much expected.)

If a male compliments me and suggests that they cross-dress as well I instantly turn the "new friend now" light on. Strength in numbers, right? If I feel things getting too suggestive, I re-direct the conversation back to the fact that I consider cross-dressers my sisters (yes, including all of you!). I wouldn't cut another CD off unless my hand was basically forced.

I've hit on women while en femme. My success rate isn't much worse than when I do it as a guy.

Almost all of my sexual experiences have been with GGs. Two I've had sex with either while cross-dressed (ie, lift the skirt) or while being undressed from en femme (and still in that mindset). I prefer to be the dominant one in these relations (this will be important in three line breaks).

I've never really thought of post-op (whether born male or intersexed) as a special circumstance except for referential purposes.

I would be open to sexual experiences and dating a non-op TS woman again. While I'd like to play pitcher only in this set-up, the right TS woman could talk me into reversing roles now and then.

(can you tell my internal copy editor told me to write this post carefully?)

whowhatwhen

07-04-2012, 07:11 PM

But I agree on one thing. Tranny chasers are just bi/gay men who are in the closet. I am a straight man who likes feminine women. I have normal relationships with CDs. Man + woman. No fetish or anything like that.

Except that most crossdressers identify as men, and as such will be in male mode most of the time.
How can you have a relationship with someone if you're only going to be attracted to them part of the time?

Brittany CD

07-04-2012, 07:30 PM

The way I see it, many crossdressers like the idea of having feminine beauty. Female beauty is something so grand and unique and part of it is the power of seduction. I think a lot of us feel that having men want you sexually is the confirmation of us having that beauty. I don't but some do

spandexgirl188

07-04-2012, 08:02 PM

hi toni

i understand exactly how you feel. i feel the same way. for the longest time i never was with a man. nor did i ever want to be. a party happened not long ago, and feelings that were there from a long time ago resurfaced. although we didnt do anything but kiss, i felt a huge turn on being treated like a girl when i was dressed. it left me wondering about myself and now im at that stage that ive admitted to myself i like guys while in femme mode. In guy mode i would never look to a man that way, but "jessica" loves guys and loves checking them out.

i guess ill deal with it a step at a time. its all i can really do.

KateSpade83

07-04-2012, 08:56 PM

As a guy I'd never have sex or get funny with men while dressed as a woman. I stopped shopping as a woman because I didn't want to attract men. But if God changed me into a woman one morning, and I had a real vagina, breasts, female face, hair and voice - then I would live life as a woman and I'd do everything a woman does with a man except anal sex.

But everytime I get sex, I prefer being a woman than a man. When I see porn I imagine myself as the woman.

Now if I really needed action with a man I'd rather have a wife play role reversal with me. She being a man in a suit while I'm the secretary.

Shananigans

07-04-2012, 11:44 PM

You probably like a penis because of what it represents, and because you have one yourself. As far as being with a guy in your head not matching up to reality...oh, well. Sometimes fantasies are just fantasies.

Maybe you just like the thought of a man taking you as a woman because it puts you in a passive role. The penis is usually doing the penetrating, and putting the person being penetrated in the submissive position. Also, since you know how good it feels to have your *stuff* pleasured, it's probably easy to relate to how it might feel to give that pleasure to someone else with the same equipment.

I think you should just go for someone that you are sexually compatible with and who you love. There are a lot of GGs out there that feel more comfortable in the dominating position and doing the penetration. And, then, there are those that may not need anything to penetrate to make you feel like you are the one getting done. Then, there are tons of beautiful toys that can help you live any fantasy that you could possibly think of without having to put yourself in uncomfortable situations.

I tend to feel more comfortable in the dominant position. I do love women and have fantasies of women and their parts. Likewise, my SO feels more comfortable in a submissive role and he has fantasies that revolve around penises...but, like you, is not interested in men. When we both opened up to each other, we found that we were way more creative and fun than our initial fantasies. And, we also found that it's 2012...if you can think it, there's a toy for it. A lot of people aren't fan of certain toys, because they think it might not give pleasure to a woman. However, since it IS 2012, there are plenty of things designed for women that put them in the stereotypically dominant position that allow for her to actually feel her lover giving her pleasure. It's not like the toy would be giving her pleasure by itself...it requires someone else doing things to it for the woman to feel it. I won't link it here, but you can PM me if you really can't think of wth I am talking about.

So, I wouldn't write off men or women...I'd keep my options open. You never know what might happen, or who you might meet. My SO and I just found that we were really compatible in that particular department, and our openness allows for creativity that we have often said surpassed our initial fantasies.

So, though I love women...have fantasized about every part of them for years...my SO is way more entertaining and everything that she does makes her the sexiest woman alive IMO. I really doubt there is any GG that could drive me as wild...and, yeah, my SO doesn't have the same equipment as a GG but I've found it really doesn't matter. It's fun to NOT psychoanalyze your fantasies and just go with them. I really don't want to think about the deeper meaning of what turns me on, and I'm sure my SO really doesn't want to psychoanalyze himself either. So, just realize what gets you going and move on from there. It gets really boring when you just limit yourself and stay in one particular fantasy...there's a whole world out there. And, nothing is more fun than having someone that will just build up things mentally for you...so, you can actually be kind of in a fantasy when you are making fantasies a reality. The mind is a pretty powerful sexual organ, and so few people are willing to tap into how powerful things can be with the right imagination. But, that's just my experience and advice...take it for what you will. I just would keep my options open with all people and go for the person (relationship-wise) that does it for me in all ways. However, I'm as bi as the day is long, so my advice is always to keep your options open...so, again, take it for what you will. But, I wouldn't go for someone just for their body parts...it could be pretty hard to ignore the person attached to the penis, and they may have different feelings if they knew that was what really got you on board. It would be like a guy saying, "I really am attracted to men...but, I just love huge boobs...however, I am not sexually into women...I just like huge boobs...and, since I like huge boobs, I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a man...I just need to sleep with a pair of huge boobs." Makes you feel sad for the person with the huge boobs that ends up with this person? Unless, the person with the huge boobs wants to be objectified for the night...which, there are people that do that. But...I don't know...seems kind of surface level lame a$$ sex. I can't just focus on one body part or action...but, I'm a little ADHD.

toni_62

07-05-2012, 12:24 AM

ReineD

07-05-2012, 12:36 AM

Except that most crossdressers identify as men, and as such will be in male mode most of the time.
How can you have a relationship with someone if you're only going to be attracted to them part of the time?

Oh. You're good. :)
..........

It's very frustrating because with guys it's sex only, and with GG's there is at least the potential for a loving relationship but know CDing. Bummer!!!

Maybe there's no CDing with the GGs you've met, but there are other GGs. :)

Shananigans

07-05-2012, 12:49 AM

Choices, choices, This the part that is hard to deal with. Today for instance I had my number one GG text me saying she wanted to get together soon. I said sure of course as I really like this GG and we have had a relationship in the past, but it turned into just good friends with dates ever so often. When she sends me photos my heart flutters, not naked ones shes a lady. Problem is with her as far as I know she wants a man, but I would love a GG I can be a man or woman with.

Also today I have this guy who is much younger than me and with a body man wise most women would go ga-ga for. He sends me risque photos and except for that one part I'm like ho hum whatever. Of course he just wants sex, but with him I get the one part I dig and can be en femme. I have never been with him, but he messages me online on a regular basis wanting to hook up.

I always tell him sure maybe but never have taken him up on the offer. I can't presently commit to a GG if she wanted to because I want to CD and until I can find a GG who is accepting of it I don't think I can commit. It's very frustrating because with guys it's sex only, and with GG's there is at least the potential for a loving relationship but know CDing. Bummer!!!

lol more power to you. I'd tell your male friend to be careful if he is sending his penis pics to GGs. My friends and I have never understood why men insist on taking pics of their junk and sending it to us like, "Oh yeah, baby...my c*ck...you know you want it...I don't even have to try...my c*ck speaks for itself." lol

So, we save all of these pictures in our phone to make fun of them later when we are all together. :(

It's one thing I miss about being single and talking to men...they're endlessly amusing. My boyfriend was pretty skeptical about this behavior, but then he worked as a waitor and said that the women would have a bunch of d*ck pics on their phone that they would tell stories about and laugh at. I was like, "See...I told you...we laugh at you when you do sh*t like that...tell your friends not to do it unless the girl asks for it!"

I think this is why it's hard for me to imagine going for someone just because they have a certain appendage. Because, it's not like you're really into the person...you're just interested in their appendage. And, guys often have this whole relationship with their d*cks that the mere site of it is supposed to do something for women. Most of the time, it really doesn't because we need a bit more stimulation and not just, "My penis...here it is...alright, now that I know you're thoroughly worked up, let's go at it." Again, I feel horrible that we make fun of these guys, but you know how it is...

Maybe they have the same kind of thing going on that they can just see some particular thing and it do everything that they need sexually. I mean, it actually makes me kind of jealous because I usually like a lot of foreplay. But, different strokes for different folks...but, beware of sending pics of your junk out to women. There's a whole game about it that guys aren't even aware of...it's honestly like Pokemon.

But, it sounds to me like you've never told the GG about CDing. If you really like her, why not throw it out there? You know, you might not find a lot of women spending time in chatrooms or cybering...or, whatever the Hell it is that guys do when they aren't getting laid on the regular. But, we DO enjoy sex just as much as men...but, we generally just don't have to be in places to look very hard for it. So, women can be just as kinky as a guy sending you pics of his d*ck via email...and, honestly, probably more original. If you are scared of women, you'll never actually know OR find a woman that is into CDing. It's my understanding that there are a lot of curious girls out there...but, I'm not going to take pics of my nipple to talk dirty to guy online when I know I can go find someone IRL. But, I tend to like things in person, or dirty texting stuff that is about to happen in person/building it up. I think that a lot of people enjoy Internet romance and it's a different thing all together than face-to-face interaction, so you may want to keep that in mind. It could be that you're into kinky internet talk with men and those thoughts, but you may not actually have the same experience IRL. There's nothing wrong with Internet play, and it's a lot safer than just sleeping with randos...so, I'm not hating.

Babeba

07-05-2012, 01:21 AM

Nothing wrong with that. Thats pretty natural actually. Its all a gradual transition. First you fantasize about men, then you enjoy making love with men, then you eventually fall in love with men. Its only genetic girls who will deny this idea and come up with theories to cover up insecurities. The possibility that their man likes other men is VERY threatening.

But I agree with Reine there is no problem if CD just want to use men physically to feel like a woman. Its a win win for both the man and CD.

I am actually secure enough in my trust for my partner that I don't actually feel threatened by the idea she may be attracted to either men or women. Being bi isn't automatic permission to date two people at once. Some couples seem to make it work, but only if it is talked over a LOT. If the husband of a supposedly hetero relationship is gay, there is a whole 'nother fish to fry.

Sean, are you sure all men would be okay with being used? I can see some not enjoying it.

Shananigans

07-05-2012, 01:39 AM

Being bi isn't automatic permission to date two people at once.

Ugh...THANK YOU! I've said this until I am blue in the face.

I don't think liking d*ck makes you bisexual...but, I'm also not about what sean was saying with this gradual transition into becoming more gay. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of guys out there that like d*ck, but aren't turned on by guys. So, they aren't bisexual. Having a d*ck fetish doesn't put you on some sort of path to gay...it probably just means you have a thing about d*cks. There a lot of girls that like boobs...there are a lot of girls that like booties...but, I wouldn't say they are on a path to becoming lesbians lol.

Lastly, I'm pretty sure most girls just don't like the idea of their partner thinking about someone else other than them. So, if a guy has a thing for d*cks, but a girl doesn't have one...it could be like, "Oh my GOD! He is thinking about cheating on me." But, probably not.

It's entirely normal to still be attracted to different people other than your SO...so, bisexuals just are attracted to different people, including those of the same sex. Not a whole lot different. In the end, I'm still faithful to my SO. But, I think most people in committed relationships don't like to think about their SO being attracted to anyone else...but, that's a bit impossible unless you are asexual. So, the idea that GGs deny some sort of attraction that their SOs have for other people is understandable to me...many don't want to think their guy can be attracted to anyone else (man or woman). And, for the record, many of my gay friends have been in long-term committed relationships...and, I can say without a doubt that they get into squabbles when they think their partner is attracted to someone other than them. (Oh my God! It's like gay people are real people too!!)

So, sean...it's not the thought that their man likes men that is very threatening...I think a lot of it is the hurt that her man is attracted (or even pursuing) someone other than her. And, women aren't dumb...we know guys are attracted to other people just as much as we are. We just are more vocal in our dislike of it. But, I don't even like to say that because of all of the dramatic fights I have seen with my gay friends...it's weird that they fight like real couples... ;) (sarcasm)

ReineD

07-05-2012, 02:17 AM

There a lot of girls that like boobs...there are a lot of girls that like booties...but, I wouldn't say they are on a path to becoming lesbians lol.

You said that in another post and I kinda scratched my head. Not that I don't believe you (maybe it's different among the current generation of women) but I don't know a lot of women who get off on other women's boobs or butts unless they ARE lesbian.

But, I have noticed a trend now that didn't exist when I was in my 20s. Some of the younger women in nightclubs are dancing together in a hot way that suggests they are lesbian. I know someone who does this. She's about 25, gorgeous, and single. And I know she's not lesbian. I've met two of her boyfriends. But, I'll tell you that when she and her friends grind together on the dance floor you can see all the guys in the place just drooling over them. It's a riot to watch! So I always took it that she and her friends do this to entice the guys.

AmandaM

07-05-2012, 02:33 AM

I wonder how much attraction this has to CDers. I'm sure drawn into this quote. It would seem to fulfill many outstanding issues.

I think you should just go for someone that you are sexually compatible with and who you love. There are a lot of GGs out there that feel more comfortable in the dominating position and doing the penetration. And, then, there are those that may not need anything to penetrate to make you feel like you are the one getting done. Then, there are tons of beautiful toys that can help you live any fantasy that you could possibly think of without having to put yourself in uncomfortable situations.

I tend to feel more comfortable in the dominant position. I do love women and have fantasies of women and their parts. Likewise, my SO feels more comfortable in a submissive role and he has fantasies that revolve around penises...but, like you, is not interested in men. When we both opened up to each other, we found that we were way more creative and fun than our initial fantasies. And, we also found that it's 2012...if you can think it, there's a toy for it. A lot of people aren't fan of certain toys, because they think it might not give pleasure to a woman. However, since it IS 2012, there are plenty of things designed for women that put them in the stereotypically dominant position that allow for her to actually feel her lover giving her pleasure. It's not like the toy would be giving her pleasure by itself...it requires someone else doing things to it for the woman to feel it. I won't link it here, but you can PM me if you really can't think of wth I am talking about.

alter_3

07-05-2012, 04:13 AM

This has been a great, enlightening thread. I totally relate to toni_62's position, and Reine's statements about the major difference between fantasizing about being with a man and being with a man in reality is spot on. Here is the predicament, in my mind which makes me feel like sex for a CD of this type with a male is ultimately unfulfilling. (Please, if you see flaws in this logic let me know.)
Take a hetero male CD who enjoys "using" a male to feel more fully feminine (like myself):
1) The feminine illusion is broken for the CD once the encounter progresses towards sex if the CD is "uncovered".
2) Remaining "covered" means not being able be completely satisfied for the CD.
3) Even if remaining covered (and therefor not completely satisfied) was an option, most males who are interested in CDs in the first place would be frustrated with the CD remaining covered.

This logic has sort of lead me to the conclusion that any encounter with a male for this CD will ultimately end in frustration for one or both parties. Please prove me wrong!

BiancaEstrella

07-05-2012, 04:46 AM

Ugh...THANK YOU! I've said this until I am blue in the face.

I don't think liking d*ck makes you bisexual...but, I'm also not about what sean was saying with this gradual transition into becoming more gay. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of guys out there that like d*ck, but aren't turned on by guys. So, they aren't bisexual. Having a d*ck fetish doesn't put you on some sort of path to gay...it probably just means you have a thing about d*cks. There a lot of girls that like boobs...there are a lot of girls that like booties...but, I wouldn't say they are on a path to becoming lesbians lol

I've seen it opined that as soon as a man consciously partakes in a homosexual act*, he's gay and it's irreversible. They think that bisexuality in men is a farce, and that even one homosexual action is the gateway to exclusively participating in homosexual actions.. only that the guy in question may not know it yet. Of course, to these guys, lesbian sex is "OMG HAWT" and they don't mind what I'll simply call "fakebian" activities by women they find attractive....

As both a crossdresser and an LGBTQ friend/supporter, statement like those about men really make me upset. It's a very narrow-minded and hurtful thing to say.

I don't know a lot of women who get off on other women's boobs or butts unless they ARE lesbian.

But, I have noticed a trend now that didn't exist when I was in my 20s. Some of the younger women in nightclubs are dancing together in a hot way that suggests they are lesbian.

Not necessarily getting off, but I've observed online communities where the women were not only more comfortable with sending other women provocative (if not outright naked) photos, but the 2-3 women who mainly received these photos both bragged about being in a position to receive such photos and willingly discussed/ogled said photos (although this was usually done in general terms and in ways that kept the senders' privacy intact).

I've also seen where a woman will just post a pic on Instagram or even Facebook, and many/most of the compliments came from women. And these weren't the "that polish shade is fantastic, what's it called?" variety but the more primal "daaaaaaamn you fine" variety.

I've also seen the suggestive dancing in nightclubs or bars, the girl in me usually wants to join in but the prevailing guy in me says no :(

SallyS

07-05-2012, 05:40 AM

If I'd taken a different path I think I would have been female pretty much full-time:)
However, like most of us, life very rarely follows the path that we had once hoped for.

I'm (mostly) happy being a straight guy, in a 20+ year marriage with a family. However my female personality would most likely prefer to be in 'different' type of relationship!

But, as I have said, we all have to make choices, and some we will regret and some we will thank our lucky stars that it turned out OK!

If I could, I would indulge that other part of me, but my choice is to be in a heterosexual, long term partnership, besides which, I'm getting too old for all that saucy business:D

I guess just do what feels right for you?.....god I hope that doesn't sound too cliched:heehee:

ReineD

07-05-2012, 06:37 AM

This logic has sort of lead me to the conclusion that any encounter with a male for this CD will ultimately end in frustration for one or both parties. Please prove me wrong!

I've seen posts from CDers who are gay or bi, and they obviously don't have issues being with men when they're dressed and when the clothes come off. But then gay and bi men enjoy being with men in guy mode too. I haven't seen many posts from the hetero CDers who've actually tried it. The ones who have say that it wasn't for them, I'm assuming because they discovered they aren't into men. But maybe you have a point, maybe being in a situation to the point where the clothes come off and the maleness shines through turns them off as well and ruins the feeling of being femme.

But most of the posts I've seen from CDers who say they're hetero while in guy mode but "bi" when dressed, are NOT about having been with men and loving it. They're about wanting to be with men, or being attracted to men, or being willing to go out for dinner and dancing with men, or maybe just kissing men but no more. And again I'm guessing all these fantasies don't follow through to the point of imagining two male-bodied people having sex. If they did, I imagine the fantasy wouldn't be fun anymore. Or if the fantasies follow through to intimacy, I gather in the fantasy the CDer would have a vagina?

As both a crossdresser and an LGBTQ friend/supporter, statement like those about men really make me upset. It's a very narrow-minded and hurtful thing to say.

As a GG, I have no trouble believing that both men and women can be either same-sex attracted, opposite-sex attracted, both-sex attracted, or neither-sex attracted (asexual). But you bring up a good point too. Do most hetero men feel that if a man is attracted to both men and women this means he is gay? If so, then they are wrong.

Not necessarily getting off, but I've observed online communities where the women were not only more comfortable with sending other women provocative (if not outright naked) photos, but the 2-3 women who mainly received these photos both bragged about being in a position to receive such photos and willingly discussed/ogled said photos (although this was usually done in general terms and in ways that kept the senders' privacy intact).

I've also seen where a woman will just post a pic on Instagram or even Facebook, and many/most of the compliments came from women. And these weren't the "that polish shade is fantastic, what's it called?" variety but the more primal "daaaaaaamn you fine" variety.

Let me ask you. Were these lesbian communities, or were there male members as well? In other words, were these women bragging about this in front of men? You do know, don't you, that women are fully aware that men get off on seeing lesbian sex? Same with the instagrams. Isn't this an app to upload pics to social sites where the friends are both male and female? :D

With all due respect, I think it's a rather strong CD fantasy to believe that a lot of women are into each other sexually. I don't know if this is what you're saying, and of course there are some women who are bi (just as there are bi men), but the hetero women that I know simply are not turned on by seeing each other's body parts, no more than a hetero man is turned on by seeing another man's body parts.

But, I can see hetero women complimenting each other on their bodies in acknowledgement of one another's assets, but not in the way you think. This would be more in line with "oh yeah, you've got a nice body, you shouldn't have any trouble finding a boyfriend".

BiancaEstrella

07-05-2012, 09:00 AM

Let me ask you. Were these lesbian communities, or were there male members as well? In other words, were these women bragging about this in front of men? You do know, don't you, that women are fully aware that men get off on seeing lesbian sex? Same with the instagrams. Isn't this an app to upload pics to social sites where the friends are both male and female? :D

With all due respect, I think it's a rather strong CD fantasy to believe that a lot of women are into each other sexually. I don't know if this is what you're saying, and of course there are some women who are bi (just as there are bi men), but the hetero women that I know simply are not turned on by seeing each other's body parts, no more than a hetero man is turned on by seeing another man's body parts.

But, I can see hetero women complimenting each other on their bodies in acknowledgement of one another's assets, but not in the way you think. This would be more in line with "oh yeah, you've got a nice body, you shouldn't have any trouble finding a boyfriend".

Mixed company, both in the community and on Instagram (which is a community within itself, that I've had to re-depart after I sold my iPad). I know women know that men at-large find lesbian acts attractive. I'm no different and given my attractions I posted in my first post here, I also don't mind if either or both partners are trans.

Agree w/the second statement - many nights spent on Bourbon St. one summer showed me how, and how many, guys break their necks when they see two women putting on the show, whether it be friends on a dancefloor or paid employees doing some more suggestive stuff in a club window (or heaven forbid, an actual lesbian couple! :D). I don't think a lot of women or even a sizable portion of them are into each other sexually - to me, it's always funny when the aforementioned actions stop, and the circle of guys that forms is all like "wait, that's it?"

I see hetero women compliment each other in the full spectrum of nice things you could tell someone. From "I've never seen you in that color, it looks great on you!" to "those shoes are fantastic, where'd you get them?" to... I could start a new topic just with all the examples I've seen - such innocuous compliments aren't a big deal imo. It's the same with us here - we CDs compliment each other here, not in the sense of "ooh, I want her" but in more re-affirming tones and sentiments.

david

07-05-2012, 09:26 AM

sallys you are so right i should know i have never regreted going down the road i am on being a trans gendered male it feels so right to me and has enhanced my life so much that i wish i had the courage to have done it sooner.nice to have heard from you sweetheart. davinax

Alice Torn

07-05-2012, 10:34 AM

I would NEVER ever consider sending pics of my junk, to either women or men! It is lude, rude, and low life tattooed!

julia marie

07-05-2012, 11:05 AM

Spandexgirl. I think you've hit it on the head with your comments about feeling good when a guy treats you like a woman when you're en femme, and how you like checking guys out when you're dressed. There's a lot of talk in the thread about things like penetration. I don't know if I want to go that route, but the idea of being dressed en femme and being held by a guy, dancing, talking, etc., that's nice.

I've seen girls dancing together in provocative ways, and I agree, that doesn't mean they are lesbians. More likely they are comfortable (or doing what you think your friend is doing and torturing the guys). I think one great difference between how women act with other women and how men act with men is that while men may be raised to be more comfortable being nude in front of other men (locker room stuff), women are much more comfortable talking about the others' appearances and even touching. Think of things as simple as a woman putting suntan lotion on another's back at the beach, or helping with trying on clothes, or fixing hair. Straight guys (well, present company excepted) would never do those things. Straight woman are fine with it.

whowhatwhen

07-05-2012, 11:58 AM

Interesting stuff this thread has brought out eh?
:)

It's important if you're confused to separate the sex and the penis from the men and see if you can appreciate their bodies.
Are you attracted to his face? His form?
Can you see yourself in bed with him in male mode?
Out on a date in male mode?

As it was said earlier, it's okay to love the c**ck and there are tons of toys for you and a girl to play with if you're not attracted to men.

It's also good to note that not all gay/bi men are into anal sex either, or can even physically have it as is in my case as well.
So don't equate wanting to be passive/receptive with being gay, that is unfortunately society's fault for making men think that it's not okay to feel that way.

Shananigans

07-05-2012, 12:23 PM

I agree completely with you, whowhatwhen.

It does seem that women can be allowed more to "play" than men without being called lesbians. I think this is the classic nightclub example that Reine brought up. These girls probably aren't lesbians, but it's OK for them to express sexuality towards women. It's considered hot when two girls kiss...and, obviously, they like it or they wouldn't do it. But, in my experience, these girls experimenting aren't lesbian. I've had women attracted to me...no one has fetishized me over a particular body part that I know of...but, turned out they were just exploring.

It's not as socially accepted for guys to do this. If two guys are bumping and grinding on the dance floor, a lot of people just assume they are gay and bumping uglies.

It sucks to suck.

And, for whatever reason "submissive" and "gay" have been lumped together and they are Completely unrelated.

However, at the same time, it's not a lot easier for women that are actually lesbian or bi. It seems acceptable to mess around with a girl, but at the end of the day you're kind of expected to end up with a dude. So, the denial of men I think gets a little hostility. Thus, we have the lesbian stereotypes...and, bisexual people are just wh*res.

I hope the OP finds some happy medium in her sexuality. There's no reason to limit yourself these days...and, I think if you honestly aren't attracted to men, you probably shouldn't expect a LT relationship with one. You could hook up, but you also have to realize someone is attached to the other end of the penis.

I'd just have fun, be safe, and if I became uncomfortable with a situation I would end it. However, as a GG, I'm conditioned to be very avoidant of situations that could possibly be uncomfortable with men when sex is involved. It seems that it has been shown that things don't generally end well when you suddenly decide you aren't into the guy. So, I'd just be smart...be safe..:especially if I just knew the guy online. Who knows how he is IRL. I also wouldn't let stereotypes affect me decisions of who I date...and, I'd be aware that technology today is amazing and you don't need a man to have a penis.

WifeofWrenchette

07-11-2012, 03:06 AM

Vickie_CDTV

07-11-2012, 05:00 AM

So this thread has me wondering if some CD'ers want the long term relationship with their GG's, but also be with one night (or one hour) hook ups with men because the long term relationships with men are few and far between?

A very small number might (I have know some over the years who fall into this category), but remember, most do not.

Lorenqt

07-11-2012, 08:19 AM

For example, I exclusively fantasize about guys but cannot get into gay porn.

I'm very much attracted to guys (I'm probably in the minority on this site.). However I can't really get into most gay porn.

I'm not only attracted to guys for that wonderful organ. I like to be able to have a genuine relationship with him. Don't get me wrong, NSA is fun, just not fulfilling. Basically, only you can decide what you like and how best to act on it.

Shananigans

07-11-2012, 10:27 AM

So this thread has me wondering if some CD'ers want the long term relationship with their GG's, but also be with one night (or one hour) hook ups with men because the long term relationships with men are few and far between?

I don't think it has a whole lot to do with CDing...it's up to how that particular man is. Let's put it this way...I've never seen a "glory hole" in female bathrooms. But, I have seen them in male bathrooms.

It has been shown by people interested in sexuality that men are much more likely to engage in casual sex. A lot of studies focused on men being more interested in casual sex because men have sperm, which requires little energy to make and is constantly produced. Women were born with all of the eggs that we will ever have...so, it is thought that we tend to be very choosy in mates...thus, women are less likely to engage in casual sex.

This is all generalization. But, it's what a lot of psychological studies have focused on with gender differences in mating strategies.

My SO told me of a study that found bi women are more likely to have casual sex...but, only with other women. The study basically worked by some stranger coming up to the participant in the study, and proposing sex. When men approached women for casual sex, women denied men 100% of the time. On the other hand, the men only denied casual sex 25-31% of the time.

The researchers proposed a few things. The first thing is that male were seen by women as more "unsafe" than other women. And, men also saw women as more safe. Thus, they figured women were more likely to accept sex from other women based on a perceived safety.

They also proposed men were more likely to have casual sex because the male orgasm is often pretty guaranteed and brought on quickly. So, women are a little less than thrilled with casual sex with men because they might not get anything from it. It was found in the study that men were perceived as being less physically capable than women to provide good sex. The men rated women higher in terms of safety and perceived sexual prowess. Women ranked men low in terms of sexual prowess and safety, but ranked women much higher. So, the researchers wondered what would happen if they gave the women a scenario of a good looking guy (Johnny Depp) and in their little story, there were hints it was going to be a safe, pleasurable encounter for her. Likewise, men were offered the same with Angelina Jolie. In these cases, men and women were the same in terms of going for the casual sex. Thus, they were saying women are just as likely as men to want casual sex when the mate is attractive, safe, and likely capable of pleasing her. This does still make me think women are more sexually "choosy." (And, I won't bore you with "choosiness" from females in sexual selection in animals). Is it that women are more choosy because it benefits them energetically in the long run? (AKA an egg take a lot of energy to make and so does 9 months carrying a baby). I'd figure so.

I'll ask my SO for the link to the study. He has mentioned the study twice, so I guess he's worried I'm going to go have sex with a girl behind his back lol. But, again, it's just a study. I'd agree that I probably wouldn't want to have casual sex with a guy. It would be no question that I'd turn some stranger down at the bar propositioning sex. It really is no surprise to me that 100% of the women rejected the men. But, it really did surprise me that only about 25% of the men said no.

So, as a whole...I don't think it's a crossdressing thing. I think men are more likely to engage in casual sex...but, a lot of guys have morals. Statistically, my sexuality shows I am more likely to have casual sex with women. But, sex isn't really a mashing of genitals and mindless humping for me...it makes me feel like a monkey in a zoo. (I actually saw two apes going at each othe at the zoo, and I immediately thought they looked like people in porn). I like to make things a mind/body experience, and I have the most pleasure from my SO. So, I'm not looking...wouldn't have casual sex with anyone. So, it's hard to generalize people like that.

But, it seems that the different ways that men and women experience orgasm and perceive safety has a lot to do with sexual choosiness...not so much crossdressing. However, if we are talking about MTF CDs, I guess they are statistically more likely to engage in casual sex. But, what if that person (maybe a MTF TG-person) had the same female thought processes on sex? If this person had the same brain chemistry as a woman in this sexual study, would the results be different? Would this person be more likely to be concerned about safety and the sexual capabilities of their partner? I'm guessing yes. I would think more female-identified people would be a lot like natal females in sexual encounters...so, probably less likely to go for casual sex. Maybe for the same reasons as natal females. But, this study in particular did not look at those relations. We know across the board (from birds to humans) that females are more sexually choosy than males (therefore, less likely to engage in casual sex)...so, it must be something pretty deeply evolved. You can't say it is the prudishness of women, because they are just as likely as men to have casual sex IF the partner is attractive, safe, and seemingly sexually capable. If this is so tightly evolved in females that we see results like this in a study, I am willing to hypothesize that female-identified (TG women) also have the same sexual choosiness. So, is the CD in question just CDing...or, is the CD in question actually just CDing because she was born in the wrong gender? If the is the first...then, I would guess just as statistically likely to have casual sex as other men. If the second...then, I would guess the statistics would look more like the female sexuality.

Let's do a study ;)

Article mentioned here: http://www.psychologyinaction.org/2012/01/03/casual-sex-are-men-and-women-so-different/ (I'll go look for it in the pee- reviewed database if I actually get back on campus).

Sandy Michaels

07-11-2012, 12:55 PM

I'm very much attracted to guys (I'm probably in the minority on this site.). However I can't really get into most gay porn.

I'm not only attracted to guys for that wonderful organ. I like to be able to have a genuine relationship with him. Don't get me wrong, NSA is fun, just not fulfilling. Basically, only you can decide what you like and how best to act on it.

the thing about gay porn is that the average gay porn is done in with low quality equipment. unless you read stories on sites like nifty(.org) or literotica(.com) which i find very stimulating. if i'm watching "straight" porn i do enjoy watching the men in those. it's all about how you see it, not what.

Lorenqt

07-11-2012, 01:36 PM

the thing about gay porn is that the average gay porn is done in with low quality equipment. unless you read stories on sites like nifty(.org) or literotica(.com) which i find very stimulating. if i'm watching "straight" porn i do enjoy watching the men in those. it's all about how you see it, not what.

My big gripe about gay porn is that it is almost always either 100% leather BDSM type stuff or each performer has more body hair than an entire pack of wolves. I regularly browse nifty and literotica.

Jamiegirl1

07-11-2012, 02:43 PM

Sandy Michaels

07-11-2012, 03:08 PM

European gay porn is on average done better. cant remember the company's name but they handle Bimaxxx(.com) they don't do bdsm or that many hairy men.

WifeofWrenchette

07-11-2012, 03:26 PM

I feel the same way,I am only attracted to men when I am dressed and feel like a woman......not when in man mode.....I really love the one object,love to enjoy it in every way.....I have considered myself to be bi,I don't know....I have enjoyed kissing some men,but mostly only enjoy their tool.......I guess I am turned on that a man likes me as a woman.......I'm soooo confused!!!!My husband says he feels the same way. He's attracted to men only when en femme, but hasn't acted on it (so far). I just wonder how much is the "pink fog" or if he's really bisexual. He seems to "fantasize" a whole lot. I wonder if he really went through with it if he'd enjoy it or like some here realized that the "fantasy" is all they wanted in the first place.

whowhatwhen

07-11-2012, 03:29 PM

I'm very much attracted to guys (I'm probably in the minority on this site.). However I can't really get into most gay porn.

I'm not only attracted to guys for that wonderful organ. I like to be able to have a genuine relationship with him. Don't get me wrong, NSA is fun, just not fulfilling. Basically, only you can decide what you like and how best to act on it.

Aye.
The purpose of my little experiment was to accept for myself, that I am physically attracted to men as a whole and not just their penises.
Now that I've confirmed it and accepted it, there is a bit less stress for me to deal with.

:)

A bit more on topic:
Perhaps someone in a relationship seeing men on the side just wasn't going to be the bastion of fidelity TG, gay, bi, or straight.

Shananigans

07-11-2012, 04:06 PM

I'm so happy for you that you figured everything out! I remember when you were having a little bit of trouble.

As far as being married to someone and getting some on the side? Really? What do people do for a living?? Sure, I guess I could be out banging some dude right now...but, I'm enjoying exfoliating my face. When I'm busy and working...I don't have time for seeing someone on the side. Whaaaat? I'm just happy to get with my SO or solo time. It seems like so much work to be creeping on the side. You have to protect yourself by wrapping yourself in plastic wrap and by bathing in rubbing alcohol...or, you like ask for their last check-up results??? I have to arrange a time...get looking fresh...try my best to make witty conversation so that I can feel better about my life and less like I'm a desperate skank getting banged without dialogue? How do people manage the time? How do you not end up with a total f*ckwad that makes you throw up in your mouth at the thought of him/her touching your genitals? How do you even come about this agreement to have sex on the side? I'm guessing if it's not cheating, the spouse has to agree to it. So, it's not like your friend. How do you meet people that are into this...and, when you do, how do you not think they're full of sh*t? It seems positively exhausting. I have to do things all day...then, prepare for Randomer? I just can't imagine it if you are working, married, and maybe have a few mini-clones...no time on your hands. I don't even have kids...I just want to learn, work, bathe, get smelling nice, lotion up, and have sex with myself or with my SO. We're both really available and disease free. I might even get work out somewhere in that time frame...and, make a good dinner. But, it usually one or the other..or, neither lol.

How does "getting some on the side" work exactly when you are in a relationship and you aren't collecting unemployment? Just filthy rich? It does not compute.

Props to people that are in an open-relationship and aren't worn out. I'm worn out thinking about it. I think fantasies are one thing...who even knows what the F I'm fantasizing about. I don't even know. It could be the color green for all I know. I think fantasy and reality are dramatically different concepts. In my fantasies I am driving an expensive car, throwing money out the window, and catching the rest on fire...if I could blow up the car it's plus two points. But, please note that in reality, I drive a Honda Element, I get slightly annoyed when homeless people ask me for money, and I am afraid of fire...especially, explosives. So WHAT THE F*CK!? I'm not going to convince myself to go do something or that it's right for me because I fantasize about it. Are you kidding me?? I once fantasized that I could juggle being with both a guy and a girl...both of them were super hot and into me (in my fantasy). Oh, it was so hot an perfect. But, then, I woke up and said, "Wait...is my subconscious suggesting that I juggle two people's feelings/emotions on top of my own? I'm already basically 4 people on my own...I can't handle that." Fantasy =/= Reality. It's why we have fantasies AND realities.

I swear if I were allowed to "get some on the side" right now, I would have 6783637x more drama...more worries...less time. In my fantasy, I don't have all of the sh*t that I have to deal with in reality.

This is always a theme on this forum...not being able to distinguish fantasy from reality. I never knew it was that hard tbh.

[And, whowhatwhen, I'm only talking about you in like the first two sentences and then just took off with the subject you brought back up. I'm not trying to talk about you...I think you're awesome. I'm just on my phone and I'm too stupid to work this forum on my phone, but I hate admitting. So, you get this block of unseparated text where it looks like I am talking to one person...and, seems like thought diarrhea explosion in electronic letters. (Well, it is the last thing).]<~I used brackets to seem more organized.

Aye.
The purpose of my little experiment was to accept for myself, that I am physically attracted to men as a whole and not just their penises.
Now that I've confirmed it and accepted it, there is a bit less stress for me to deal with.

:)

A bit more on topic:
Perhaps someone in a relationship seeing men on the side just wasn't going to be the bastion of fidelity TG, gay, bi, or straight.

Alyla

07-11-2012, 04:22 PM

All I know is that for me a sexual relationship has something to do about caring and loving another enough to want to pleasure someone physically, after a while one's inhibitions give way and understanding and discovering the way another finds pleasure in the physical realm becomes a very pleasurable thing to do.
But it takes a commitment, and trust, and a very honest level of giving to reach that plateau, where a true sharing of pleasure might be found.

So for me, a very selective, and caring situation might pull this out of me, but there would hav e to be a certain lvel of caring and concern involved. I would have to feel special and understood and that level of understanding would have to be both ways.

I am in a very special relationship right now that could not be commuted by a simple wham bam affair. it is not in the cards for me now or ever. there is something about what Shananigans wrote that rings very true for me.

Alyla

WifeofWrenchette

07-12-2012, 01:18 AM

Shananigans

07-12-2012, 11:35 AM

Shan, what you wrote makes sense to me and probably to a lot of others, however for some it's different. Just look at the Craigslist ads for "men for men" or "casual encounters" sections on there. They meet in their cars during lunch or at a hotel after work or at the gym in the evenings...it seems a lot of places and times, they make time or just have fantasies sitting behind their computers making up ads all day/night. I'm not sure which one, but there are a lot of ads out there for "discreet" hookups.

That's where the wrapping your body in plastic wrap and bathing in rubbing alcohol comes into play. "Good clean fun" are usually words that you Don't want associated with you sex life...unless, you are hooking up with someone that advertises their services online.

Putting myself in that situation...let's say I was going to just do oral with someone on CL. 30 years ago (if I had been alive), I might have not known that I could get anything by oral...but, without a doubt, it's now known you most likely will if there's anything to get. So, good grief...I thought I wasn't going "whole hog" by just doing oral...but, now, I know I'm just as invested in th possibly of crotch or face rot if things ever screwed up. So, essentially, I'm already kind of grossed out by this person. For whatever reason though, I don't have any other choice...I either have quickies with people on CL, masturbate, or just have sex with my SO (and, I've already exhausted that option...no way could my SO be just as unsatisfied with our sex life and want to spice things up). Anyway, for whatever reason, let's say CL casual encounters are my only option for play. Or, maybe I run into a truck stop. I really have to make sure I have everything I need to make sure I don't take anything unwanted home with me. So, every body wraps up, we do it, we part ways...and, I'm left wondering if That was actually a good idea. I'd be paranoid something went wrong on the way...I know that no amount of lipstick is going to make my mouth appealing if it looks like crotch rot. So, I'm equally stressed/worn out. I would probably be more worn out because I'd be worried I was a walking succubus of an STD plague, or that someone was going to find out somehow...I also have to wonder about where the Hell my life is going if this is what I am doing now. And, good grief...if no one wrapped up...I'd probably literally be paranoid for the rest of my life. We were talking about STD testing in nursing school (this is real life), and the test about herpes came up. Turns out there are blood tests...but, they aren't great at actually detecting the virus. So, since a virus can remain dormant, a person that actually is infected may not show signs for years (or, ever). It got me thinking that it would be alright to have herpes and not really know because you had no signs...but, the people you sleep with and give it to may develop it quickly. But, it's not like you can really blame the person with the herpes that honestly didn't know they had the virus and never really had symptoms. I think nursing school scared the Hell out of me. It's way more effective too, because they only show you slides in Sex Ed when you are a kid...but, there's nothing like seeing it up close and personal. I also don't think I could handle being around people that do the "down low" hookup things, because they really are a problem. People were worrying why HIV prevalence has surged in heterosexual, married women...and, it's because it was brought home to them by their husbands. And, we won't talk about what happens when a woman is pregnant, doesn't know she has HIV, and delivers a baby. But, I will say that the baby has no immunity, so the virus spreads at an accelerated rate. It's awful. It really has been a challenge for me to remain unbiased and not let my personal feelings affect my nursing...but, I pull through. However, I do see people that are doing this (especially, unprotected) as a problem. I know in fantasies, nothing bad can happen...but, it does. So, any person that saw "that route" as a viable option just definitely needs to remain single or get single. But, you never know who isn't single and who is bringing crap home to innocent people (like babies). But, some people are selfish.

Personally, I see the casual hookup with strangers option to be no option at all for all the reasons I've said. So, it leaves finding someone who may or may not be suitable for sex on the regular. And, that's exhausting in all of the same ways, but with the added component that you now have this other person in your life.
But, I think the last option is the only viable option if you find yourself wanting to be in a relationship with one person and f*cking another person/people.

I don't know how many people plan it out though. There's always a place in whatever city you are in where guys go to casually hookup. There's a whole website dedicated to finding the right location for you. (lol). So, maybe you just show up and it *just happens*. Or, it *just happens* a few times. I think this is pretty much on up there with CL casual encounters.

I think I'd feel pretty low...I mean, honestly, what other signs do you need to point to you being at a critically low point. Then I'd just be worried. I somewhat admire people that do things all willy-nilly and then just are like, "Phew...another close call!" I would literally have grey hair.

So, anyway, this is why I just wonder...why can't you be in a stable relationship with someone you love and enjoy ****ing...but, then, just allow fantasies to be fantasies? It doesn't mean you can't explore those fantasies, but you don't have to put yourself in situations where you could get hurt to live them. There should be a book called Creative Solutions for the Curious Couples (I just made that up), and it should have like a catalog of crap you need for acting out your fantasies. My girlfriend had a fantasy about rape...Obviously, she doesn't want this IRL. She's also dating a guy that's pretty dominant and was interested in her fantasy. Did she go walk down the street naked until someone took advantage of her so that she could fulfill her fantasy? No. They were way more creative. (And, I was actually really impressed when she told me how the whole RP went). But, they essentially agreed that within a certain time frame, he was going to surprise her. She wouldn't even be able to know who it was or when it was going to happen. (But, obviously, she knew it would be her BF and within their time frame). But, they set it up really well and had fun with it. The thing that had me was that I was worried that in some small window of the universe, she might be forced by someone other than her boyfriend during this time frame. She told me they had a safe word. Like...seriously...it was brilliant. Kudos upon kudos to them. They were able to take a fantasy and turn it into reality without all the risks that normally occurs in that real scenario.

So, yeah...I realize everyone has fantasies. I fantasize about being with a girl...pretty handy I am dating a CD...I don't have to peruse CL for casual encounters. I am not a CD...but, I could be a convincing guy for a night, I think. I'm not sure my SO would be into that, but I guess if we got bored. So, yeah, Everyone has fantasies. What makes them a fantasy is that it's something you think about, but may make you uncomfortable in reality. So, since everyone has them...why not just get creative with your SO? It seems like the best way to play fantasy world and be in a relationship. If the OP is anything like me, she has tons of fantasies....maybe even a new one every week. What I think about today may not be the same tomorrow. It wouldn't even be possible for me to make all my fantasies realities. So, I have a creative SO. It just seems like if you want a relationship, you should find a relationship with someone you love. And, instead of looking elsewhere to make your fantasies a reality, you could look to your SO. And, the good part is if someone messes up, or if something unexpected happens...it's really funny...it may not be in reality though.

I've rambled enough. I just hope the OP finds some happy ground to land on... I think people just have to decide on their own, but I know what I do works for me and a lot of people I know...we just don't have the worries because we have enough of those already.

cyndigurl45

07-12-2012, 11:54 AM

So when I did start recently take up crossdressing seriously I felt I had to try to be with a guy. Some things I enjoyed and somethings I didn't. I have tried kissing the only two men I have been with and talk about a weird feeling. Absolutely nothing chemistry wise at all. Actually I found it unpleasant (icky) and it felt nothing like I feel when I kiss a GG. You don't have to like that and still be Bi, like anything else there are different levels I guess you could say...

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.Yuppers :)

ReineD

07-12-2012, 04:38 PM

So, we all know that many CDers fantasize about having sex with men. Some are genuinely gay or bi (in which case being dressed or not wouldn't affect anything), and some are hetero. For the hetero CDers, it is the fantasy of "being" a sexually pleasing woman with a vagina who is desired by the owner of a penis that does the trick, however in real life all the other things the penis owner has is a turn-off. But in the meantime, the fantasy sure is a lot of fun.

I used to think that hetero CDers who want men only while dressed and who therefore question their sexual orientation, should just go ahead and have sex with men to determine whether they are turned off or not. I felt as if this would bring their fantasies in line with reality, and if they were married it might help them appreciate their wives more. Or if they were single, it might help them get off on the women they say they want to be with because they DO feel an emotional bond with women and not men.

But, now I wonder if these CDers don't want to or cannot give up the fantasy, even if they know they are turned off by men in the harsh light of reality. This does indicate they might have their very own sexual orientation, which is to themselves as women. The word for this is autogynephilia. Actual sex with real men turns them off and they don't feel sexual passion for hetero women (in the same way as the passion that comes with fantasizing about being a woman with a vagina who pleases a man). They're kinda stuck in a twilight zone of sexual desire.

I don't know whether autogynephilia is a fetish or it's own brand of sexual attraction. The thing is, that it makes it difficult for an autogynephile to experience the ultimate in connectedness with someone else since they can't experience both the deep emotional AND physical bond that raises that relationship above the rest. The physical bond (truly being into someone for who they are and reaching sexual climax because of it) is missing.

But, maybe my analysis is skewed because I can only look at it from a GG's point of view. Or, maybe there is a true attraction to men, but some CDers have been so severely socialized to not be gay that it is difficult to reach the core truth. Or, maybe some of these CDers are truly TS and it is not about a love of themselves as women (AGP), but they instead experience a woman's natural sexual desires, except they just don't want to go there. It's really complex, isn't it.

Gaby2

07-12-2012, 04:49 PM

...They're kinda stuck in a twilight zone of sexual desire... It's really complex, isn't it.
Nice Reine... those two sentences caught my attention in particular.
I can identify with almost all aspects of what you wrote...
Perhaps the complexity lies in the "fact" that at different times, and in different moods, one's sexual desires and preferences simply change... ?
:2c:Gaby

Shananigans

07-12-2012, 05:19 PM

So...AGP always has confused me. Does it literally mean that you just become your own ideal sexual partner?...As in YOU are your own sexual orientation??

I mean, I get a guy being hetero and loving the look of a woman...he is attracted so much to the look of a woman that he becomes a woman. But, he becomes a woman through the heterosexual male perspective of putting too much emphasis on ****ty attire, big boobs, and being subservient to men. It's pretty much the stereotypical male view of a woman...it's just he becomes it.

But, is that just the end all be all of the sexual desire? It begins and ends with your own heterosexual male portrayal of a woman?

Is this even crossdressing then? Or, is it just some complicated fetish? (But, fair enough...a lot of fetishes are complicated, I think).

I mean, I guess AGP is like the sexual orientation of yourself...obviously, this is where the "auto" comes in to play. But, I don't see it the same as CDing...because, with AGP the female clothes, the boobs, the faceless male with a penis are all props in getting off on your own experience of what a man thinks women like in bed.

Idk...I guess at the end, you'd be wearing women's clothes. But, CDing seems pretty straight forward...AGP is kind of hard to wrap your head around and explain without making someone with AGP sound like they're obsessed with themselves and sexist.

If it described me, I probably wouldn't want to own up to it. However, it's so silly because no one expects fantasies to be politically correct...they would be so boring. But, if that was really the only thing that got you going (yourself), and people wanted to stamp a label on your forehead...I wouldn't own up to it either.

That's why I don't try to psychoanalyze my fantasies or try to legitimize them. Lol...I can only imagine what my forehead would say.

whowhatwhen

07-12-2012, 05:20 PM

Perhaps it's too deep and personal to attempt to analyze?
Although it's definitely possible to not allow yourself to find the same sex physically attractive, that I do know for a fact.

Internal struggles with physical attraction, orientation, and everything else is something I struggled with since puberty and only now am I starting to get grips on it.
Even on the inside it's extremely complicated, so I can't imagine how confused someone on the outside would feel.

Gaby2

07-12-2012, 05:41 PM

This is all really new for me... especially aspects concerning AGP (and many thanks for all your valuable experience Shananigans/whowhatwhen).
Having read through most of the responses to Toni's OP in the last hour or so, I'm glad I don't worry about my own sexual orientation anymore. (That's in stark contrast to the thirty or so years as a isolated closet-Cder).

The main thing for me now is to remain open to possible developments, whatever they might be... and to try and avoid seeking answers where none can be found.
A lot has to do with chance... and the company I keep!

An item of clothing (female clothing... exclusively, by the way... that's what makes me a CDer) can excite, cheer and comfort... AND/OR turn-off, revile and frustrate me.
That's one reason, why I don't like throwing things away... and why I regret the many wasteful years needlessly spent purging...

Returning briefly to Toni's OP... yes, at long last I can admit that I like "the (whole) male body", and I do feel a certain (new) attraction to men... but that has a lot to do with me accepting and liking me... more and more... and more!

cathie pantyhose

07-12-2012, 05:49 PM

Ive been with both men and woman and l've enjoyed both experiences equally. Dressed enfem and not with both. Toys and no toys on both. I've always enjoyed just the sensation of pleasing another human and being pleased equally.

Cheryl S.

07-12-2012, 05:53 PM

For me I am only attracted to men when I am dressed and feel like a woman. Like some others I really enjoy the one object a guy has to offer. I have tried kissing two men during different encounters but it does nothing at all for me. I do mostly only enjoy their tool and their attention to me when dressed as a woman. When not in guy mode I am attracted only to women! Geez, am I confused but it feels great while it is happening.

ReineD

07-12-2012, 11:11 PM

Nice Reine... those two sentences caught my attention in particular.
I can identify with almost all aspects of what you wrote...
Perhaps the complexity lies in the "fact" that at different times, and in different moods, one's sexual desires and preferences simply change... ?
:2c:Gaby

It's difficult for me to understand because I'm not wired the same way as a birth male, my libido is sourced differently. Also, is it that moods change, or are some people in denial over being male-attracted or transsexual? An individual who is trans is complex indeed, since he or she has the anatomy & hormones of one gender and the brain gender (to varying degrees) of another. Combine this with background and personality differences and I dare say that it can make true self-awareness highly difficult, especially since we're all socialized to believe in binary gender.

So...AGP always has confused me. Does it literally mean that you just become your own ideal sexual partner?...As in YOU are your own sexual orientation??

It's the love of oneself as a woman. It's the idea that you're a sexy woman with sexy woman body parts who drives men wild that causes heights of climax, whether this is achieved solo or with someone who has a penis. There are degrees of this. I dare say that some CDers can still function with GGs and also engage in their AGP fantasies at other times, while other CDers cannot climax with GGs even though they are not attracted to men.

I don't know if it can be considered a fifth form of sexual attraction (the first four being same-sex, opposite-sex, both, or neither), or if it is a fetish.

A fetish is a sexual attraction to an object or situation that is other than just two people who reach climactic heights with one another because they're into each other.

whowhatwhen

07-12-2012, 11:36 PM

Maybe they're just not interested in typical "straight" sex, maybe all they need is a role-reversal.
Of course finding a woman whose into that (on a permanent basis) would be one hell of a challenge.

He may just not want to use his penis for whatever reason.
I do wonder if in a straight relationship that would be a bit selfish?

Badtranny

07-12-2012, 11:57 PM

... yes, at long last I can admit that I like "the (whole) male body", and I do feel a certain (new) attraction to men... but that has a lot to do with me accepting and liking me... more and more... and more!

This is it. Some people SAY they've accepted themselves but it's clear by the actions they report that they still have major hangups about who they may be.

When people truly accept who they are, there is no more ambiguity. No more conditional sexuality. No more excuses about what they like or do, and eventually no more secrets.

SuzieLod

07-14-2012, 04:03 PM

I like men only when dolled up, does this mean I am bi? Or is it somewhat more complex? Have become aroused when dressed, but the same guy when not in my woman clothes tells
me me nothing.

whowhatwhen

07-14-2012, 04:42 PM

I wouldn't say that, bisexual means you're attracted to both sexes en femme or not.
Are you attracted to him? Just his penis? The act of submission?

It is very complex though, it may require lots of deep soul searching to discover the truth.

Sammy

07-14-2012, 05:29 PM

Needless to say I've agonized over these questions for years

- "what am I?"
- "is this a sexual fetish or something deeper"

I haven't found an answer. All I can say is that the term "CD" is very loosely defined and that reading this thread has made me feel that I'm not alone. I'm not weird (ok maybe I am, but that has nothing to do with my crossdressing :battingeyelashes: ).

Thanks you all for sharing.
Sammy

Mythic

07-14-2012, 11:30 PM

I myself am not really attracted to men. I accept I can be attracted to men that look like women. I am physically attracted to the female form. If the guy has a female form other parts don't seem to bother me. But I have not actually been in that type of situation so I can only speculate how my body will act in that moment.

Cassandra86

07-15-2012, 01:14 AM

Heres where im at on the subject. I consider myself bisexual . Let me try to explain without giving to much details. Im not necessarly attracted to men, do i think some men are good looking sure but i dont want to date or kiss one. But i do like having sex with one well im in cd form and being submissive when we have sex. Now the weird thing is the guy has to be straight so to say not gay. I also have the best of both worlds cus my spouse finds it a sexual turn on when im dressed up! She also likes being the dominant one. Now when in male form no guys for me but i do like transgender females. I find them really attractive i think because a lot of times they are more femine and take extra time to look beautiful then a lot of ggs. Again just my opinion

Elizabeth

07-15-2012, 01:46 AM

...
"no silly you just have a fetish and like pretending to be a woman". I really don't want to be one full time. I think having sex with a few males showed me I was not gay and probably not even bi-sexual because I only liked certain aspects of being with a man.
...

I remember when I used to tell myself that. It worked for a long time.

Love always,
Elizabeth

ShoeziQ

07-17-2012, 03:11 PM

This is a great thread!
I feel this way exactly. I think part of it is the time and energy it takes to dress up. And also that, at least in my wardrobe, the clothing is a bit more sexy. I may cover up with a denim skirt and a button down shirt, but the feel of what's beneath is still a turn on.

Maybe it's because we have already crossed a gender boundary?

However it works out, I wouldn't classify myself as gay. I do know I'm up for more "alternative" options when I'm dressed.

Anyway, great thread, keep it up!

ShoeziQ

susan lewis

07-18-2012, 01:50 PM

Shulove

07-18-2012, 01:58 PM

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.

So well said! The thought of being feminine is to me the best turn on ever. If I was honestly treated as a women... I would not care about the sex of the person that thought of me as a girl. If it was a man, well hell, I'm good with that! But then again I am bisexual. I prefer women, I love them, I want to be one. But yeah, some guys are just ****ing hot! Can't help it and I wouldn't want too. I think my world would only be half as much fun if I limited myself to a strict half of what I find sexy ;) now, I'm just working on myself to be the sexy person I know that I am!

Hillary

Sandy Michaels

07-18-2012, 07:54 PM

BLUE ORCHID

07-19-2012, 06:46 AM

Hi Toni, I'm a male that loves to dress as a lady the best that I can and have no attraction to another male.

julia marie

07-20-2012, 10:36 AM

Being dressed and having a man take you out is wonderful. I want the world to see me as a wife, girlfriend etc.. It is such a turn on to have a man tell you how sexy you are. I can get get physically and emotionally turned on to men. I prefer women but I could be with the right man for the rest of my life.
Susan, my feelings exactly. When I'm dressed (sometimes when I'm not) the thought of a guy viewing me as a woman is a real turn on. I doubt that it will happen, but I'd love to be presenting as a woman and be able to dance, chat, walk and touch with a guy. Even if it didn't go further than that, it would be great. Maybe it's about wanting to be flattered, to have someone want you in a way that could never happen before.

Lucy C

07-21-2012, 02:19 AM

This is a really interesting discussion. I must say I have been struggling with thoughts very similar to the OP. I have a GF who likes to role play" and now I associate pleasure with "that" and it starts to make you wonder what the real thing would be like without the rest of the body attached. As they come connected it leaves mixed emotions and confusion about my own sexuality.

WifeofWrenchette

08-10-2012, 04:45 AM

I don't think it has a whole lot to do with CDing...it's up to how that particular man is. Let's put it this way...I've never seen a "glory hole" in female bathrooms. But, I have seen them in male bathrooms.

It has been shown by people interested in sexuality that men are much more likely to engage in casual sex. A lot of studies focused on men being more interested in casual sex because men have sperm, which requires little energy to make and is constantly produced. Women were born with all of the eggs that we will ever have...so, it is thought that we tend to be very choosy in mates...thus, women are less likely to engage in casual sex.

This is all generalization. But, it's what a lot of psychological studies have focused on with gender differences in mating strategies.

My SO told me of a study that found bi women are more likely to have casual sex...but, only with other women. The study basically worked by some stranger coming up to the participant in the study, and proposing sex. When men approached women for casual sex, women denied men 100% of the time. On the other hand, the men only denied casual sex 25-31% of the time.

The researchers proposed a few things. The first thing is that male were seen by women as more "unsafe" than other women. And, men also saw women as more safe. Thus, they figured women were more likely to accept sex from other women based on a perceived safety.

They also proposed men were more likely to have casual sex because the male orgasm is often pretty guaranteed and brought on quickly. So, women are a little less than thrilled with casual sex with men because they might not get anything from it. It was found in the study that men were perceived as being less physically capable than women to provide good sex. The men rated women higher in terms of safety and perceived sexual prowess. Women ranked men low in terms of sexual prowess and safety, but ranked women much higher. So, the researchers wondered what would happen if they gave the women a scenario of a good looking guy (Johnny Depp) and in their little story, there were hints it was going to be a safe, pleasurable encounter for her. Likewise, men were offered the same with Angelina Jolie. In these cases, men and women were the same in terms of going for the casual sex. Thus, they were saying women are just as likely as men to want casual sex when the mate is attractive, safe, and likely capable of pleasing her. This does still make me think women are more sexually "choosy." (And, I won't bore you with "choosiness" from females in sexual selection in animals). Is it that women are more choosy because it benefits them energetically in the long run? (AKA an egg take a lot of energy to make and so does 9 months carrying a baby). I'd figure so.

I'll ask my SO for the link to the study. He has mentioned the study twice, so I guess he's worried I'm going to go have sex with a girl behind his back lol. But, again, it's just a study. I'd agree that I probably wouldn't want to have casual sex with a guy. It would be no question that I'd turn some stranger down at the bar propositioning sex. It really is no surprise to me that 100% of the women rejected the men. But, it really did surprise me that only about 25% of the men said no.

So, as a whole...I don't think it's a crossdressing thing. I think men are more likely to engage in casual sex...but, a lot of guys have morals. Statistically, my sexuality shows I am more likely to have casual sex with women. But, sex isn't really a mashing of genitals and mindless humping for me...it makes me feel like a monkey in a zoo. (I actually saw two apes going at each othe at the zoo, and I immediately thought they looked like people in porn). I like to make things a mind/body experience, and I have the most pleasure from my SO. So, I'm not looking...wouldn't have casual sex with anyone. So, it's hard to generalize people like that.

But, it seems that the different ways that men and women experience orgasm and perceive safety has a lot to do with sexual choosiness...not so much crossdressing. However, if we are talking about MTF CDs, I guess they are statistically more likely to engage in casual sex. But, what if that person (maybe a MTF TG-person) had the same female thought processes on sex? If this person had the same brain chemistry as a woman in this sexual study, would the results be different? Would this person be more likely to be concerned about safety and the sexual capabilities of their partner? I'm guessing yes. I would think more female-identified people would be a lot like natal females in sexual encounters...so, probably less likely to go for casual sex. Maybe for the same reasons as natal females. But, this study in particular did not look at those relations. We know across the board (from birds to humans) that females are more sexually choosy than males (therefore, less likely to engage in casual sex)...so, it must be something pretty deeply evolved. You can't say it is the prudishness of women, because they are just as likely as men to have casual sex IF the partner is attractive, safe, and seemingly sexually capable. If this is so tightly evolved in females that we see results like this in a study, I am willing to hypothesize that female-identified (TG women) also have the same sexual choosiness. So, is the CD in question just CDing...or, is the CD in question actually just CDing because she was born in the wrong gender? If the is the first...then, I would guess just as statistically likely to have casual sex as other men. If the second...then, I would guess the statistics would look more like the female sexuality.

Let's do a study ;)

Article mentioned here: http://www.psychologyinaction.org/2012/01/03/casual-sex-are-men-and-women-so-different/ (I'll go look for it in the peer-reviewed database if I actually get back on campus).Fascinating. Thanks for the link Shan. I read the first part and then wondered if CDers or TGers would think like women and turn down casual sex then read the second part.

I think a study would be interesting. I wonder what the results would be?

I guess I'll just have to hope that only people who are viewed unsafe and unattractive will hit on my husband from now on. *smile*

rata

08-11-2012, 10:04 PM

I came across this the other day about autogynephilia. It helps explain why / what fantasizing about being with a man as a woman if you are not a homosexual transgendered person.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanchard%27s_transsexualism_typology

Beverley Sims

08-12-2012, 06:59 AM

Wow! after reading parts of the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blancha...alism_typology I am starting to understand that my sexual orientation was probably not odd when I was twenty.
See, you learn something new every day.:)

Maria 60

08-12-2012, 08:38 AM

Now that we are on this subject it brings me back to halloween 2001. We were at my in laws house with a few family members and the neighbor came over and wanted us to dress up and we would go to friends houses and surprise them. So we dressed up and of course i dressed in my mother in laws cloths and who was a monster and clown and off we went to friends houses. We drove around and made about five stops and the neighbor said he wanted to make a last stop at a friend that he works with. We went there and we sat down and had a coffee and all the time i could see at any chance he could get he was trying to look up my skirt. I had my mother in laws cloths on that my wife made a bit more slezzy her pantyhose and her pink granny panties. At that point I felt like a women, and at one point when I caught him looking up my skirt I closed my legs tighter and we had eye contact and he had this look like C-MON let me look up. So we finished our coffee and me being the one who wakes up first in the morning I started walking to the front door, he walked up behind me and said it was nice to meet me and said he couldn't believe how much I looked like a women and then without any warning he lifted my skirt and he put his hand on my ankle and moved his hand all the way up my leg and even gave my butt a little grab and told me that i have great legs. Just like a women I pushed his arm away and pulled my skirt down in a fem way. We left and when we were driving back to my in laws house i could still feel his hand feeling my leg and i was so aroused. When i got home my wife asked me if i got a thrill from that guy feeling me up. I didn't think anyone seen, she said she just caught it. I am very open to my wife and i told her I got aroused by it and she said she Knows that i don't like men it was that at that moment i felt like a women. My wife kind of made it feel ok but it kind of scared me. I have no attraction to men but at that moment and only at that moment i felt like a women. So going back to your question I have no attraction to men but at that moment it felt alright. I guess. So I don't know what that makes me.

femaletrouble

08-12-2012, 03:06 PM

I would like to be treated as a woman an for me to even consider bein intimate with a man i think that i would realy like to try it with a man i dont know how i would feel afterwards proberly it would make me feel disgusted with myself but the trouble with me is im so bad mixing with people i do not like the thought of men as in the sense gay but when dressed totally en femme an in the mind frame of a female i think i would give in to the whole exprience of bein a woman.

StacyPump

08-13-2012, 09:49 PM

This topic is so fascinating to me, and judging by the number of responses, it is interesting to many others, too. And I want to thank everyone for participating in this discussion, and especially Toni and Reine, for expressing so eloquently, some ideas that it just took me 5 or 6 sessions with a great therapist to arrive at. Autogynephilia. I totally get it.

What I have found, is that the reason I enjoy the thought, and the fantasy, of having sex with a man while I am in the female persona, is the same reason that I cross dress in the first place: I feel special. For many complicated, inter-related reasons, perhaps genetic, perhaps experiential, probably some combination of both that no one will ever understand, I feel pretty and sexy and special. It's my own personal arena. I don't have to compete with anyone while I am there. The idea that he (he = the anonymous, faceless penis) finds me attractive, and I make him aroused, makes me feel attractive and desired and special.

I think this might be similar to Toni's experience, and many others, from what I am reading. And, I can't express how grateful I am to have found this forum, and threads like this, to help me know that I am not alone, and I am not so crazy. I am SOOO grateful for this gift. But I'd also like to address another one of Toni's original questions: How do heterosexual cross-dressers, with spouses or SO's, deal with this reality?

I don't have any great answers to the question, and I invite others to please contribute their experiences here [and please IM me if you care to have a more personal discussion about this], but I'd love to share my experience, so far.

My wife is aware of my cross-dressing, but is not completely comfortable with it. We do have the blessing of having been great friends before we were married, and so I feel comfortable being very honest with her. We do share our fantasies with each other, and we both have shared very non-traditional fantasies with each other. In the coming days, however, I plan to share with her, the fact that while she was recently out of town for a few days, I purchased a toy, with the intention of dressing up and getting as close to the fantasy as I could possibly get, without involving another person.

I bought a life-like male anatomy toy, and then got all dolled up, and spent the evening with my toy, doing everything to that toy, and with that toy, that my fantasies have ever imagined. And I had a wonderful evening. I really let go, and completely enjoyed myself.

What I hope to do, is to tell my wife about this experience. To tell her about my feelings and my desires. My hope, in my heart of hearts, is that we will be able to share this experience. Is that she will be, even more, a part of my journey. That I can look at her, with open heart, mind and soul, and say, "this is me". And that she can be part of my soul journey...and share my toy! I think we would both enjoy it!

I will write back to let you all know how it goes.

Anyway, thanks, each of you, for your honest, heartfelt input.

docrobbysherry

08-13-2012, 10:08 PM

Autogynephilia. One of the things I've discovered about myself since coming here about 5 years is; I r one of those! Still working out LOTS of other issues, tho.

Another is; despite my early fantasies about being with a man when dressed, I'm not gay or bi. I figured out that I'm straight. Because EVERYTHING about men, especially a penis, is a TURN OFF for me.

One other note: There's a HUGE difference between fantasies of being with men and actually doing it! Since the OP has been with men and likes penises, I DON'T BELIEVE SHE'S STRAIGHT! My opinion only!

StacyPump

08-13-2012, 10:29 PM

ReineD

08-13-2012, 11:19 PM

But that's the whole thing. There is SOME difference between the fanstasy of enjoying the faceless penis, and the desire to be in a loving partnership with a same-sex partner. What is the difference? I have NO idea. I can't pretend to understand it. But there is some crazy, un-literal, hazy difference. Dontcha think?

Yup, it's the difference between having one's sexuality being internally focused as opposed to focusing on the mutual benefit of the give and take and truly wanting to please and be pleased that exists BETWEEN partners.

It's a form of object oriented fetish, except the object is one's own self as the image of a woman. There are a number of fetishes where people also have difficulty experiencing mutual sexual satisfaction with partners, unless of course the partners are also equally into the fetish but in reverse, for example a Domme/sub relationship:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

I'm speaking strictly about AGP. If someone is transsexual and she hates all of her male physical self, then she will feel better about herself sexually as a woman and sex will then be more fulfilling for her. And so she will be able to enjoy a sexual/emotional relationship WITH her partner whether this partner is male or female (depending on her sexual orientation).

laura.lapinski

08-14-2012, 09:46 AM

jenny76

08-14-2012, 02:09 PM

I don't know if I have Autogynaphilia or if I'm truly attracted to men.. It really can be hazy. I think actually being with a man can help .. or maybe just imagining yourself being in a real relationship with a man, would that make you happy? I think it would for me, and playing the female role, but I haven't tried it yet, so til then it just feels blurry

i could not agree more with you gals!

yea, they did say it so well!

GinaD

08-14-2012, 07:15 PM

My desire to be with a guy was very gradual. In general, I didn't have any interest in being with a guy, but gradually gave in to the experience when a friend revealed he was gay. Since I liked him anyway, I went with it. I enjoyed the experience and realized although I prefer women, when en femme I have been attracted to men I found interesting, and on a few occasions was perfectly happy to play the female role as I like it to be for me. I don't feel attracted to men on a daily basis though.

Christie Camelle

08-15-2012, 11:57 AM

I'm the type who plans Halloween months in advance. I usually have an elaborate costume such as the Joker or Freddie Kruger for example. This year I have decided to unleash Amber on the world as my Halloween costume. I have a male cousin who loves Halloween just as much as I do. I love him and his wife dearly. One night last week my SO, Gina, and I decided to show them my ” costume” for this year. They gave no idea that I'm a CD. His wife is very critical but she loved meeting Amber. She even have me some pointers! Gina was loving this and Amber was giddy. Anyway, as a joke, I sat on my cousin's lap and kissed his cheek. He had his hand on my thigh and grabbed my ” boob”, playing up my joke. Oddly, although I'm not attracted to him, it felt good. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder. I refrained though. I guess I fall under the autogynophilia label. The feeling was wonderful. I felt so feminine and Gina smiled the whole way home.

RADER

08-15-2012, 03:51 PM

Wow!!! what a thread;
I have read most, and I guess I am one of the few that when either male, or CD mode,
I go for a real Female. The thought of having a sexual relationship with another man
just turns my stomach. I love girls, and if I had transitions to a girl I guess I would be a lesbian.
I am one of the few who just like wearing girl clothes, very much in the closet, And happy that
my wife is OK with my dressing.
Rader

cdkrista420

08-18-2012, 02:04 PM

Autogynaphilia. Yes, this is me too. I completely understand what others have said, and it is so nice to know I am not alone in this, and its nice to know it has a name. I have also found that when I am in love, I don't think about crossdressing. I am satisfied, so I think it has something to do with having someone that you love and cares for you, and for whom you also care for equally. I've found that when I am distressed, such as losing someone who I am in love with, the desire to cross dress, along with its associated fantasises arise.

i think i could pretty much agree with a million of these posts, but this one seems to get me...when i'm in a relationship, i don't think about it. I still only lust after women, but more and more I'm interested in playing with a guy as krista

ReginaC

09-23-2012, 04:11 AM

Such an interesting thread. As for me, I've always been attracted to women and for the most part find men repulsive. However, I've fantasized about being with a guy and having sex with him while being en femme. I don't fantasize about a relationship and love and that. I just have a fantasy about having sex with a guy, and knowing how it feels to be penetrated by a real person (as oppposed to a toy). I want to know how it feels to be pampered, to wear the sexiest lingerie and to be told how sexy I look, have him do things to me and me doing things to him while unleashing my feminine side.

I don't know where would that lead, in terms of sexual identity. Right now, I consider myself a heterosexual that just wants to know what it feels like to have somebody inside of me. It may change my views in the future, or it may not.

Kelly Smith

10-21-2012, 11:09 PM

... Since at least my early twenties I have had fantasies about being with a man. The thing is these fantasies were of me dressed as a woman. I don't look at men sexually in day to day life. When I think of two men together it's a turn off. But when dressed I feel differently about it...

So when I did start recently take up crossdressing seriously I felt I had to try to be with a guy. Some things I enjoyed and somethings I didn't. I have tried kissing the only two men I have been with and talk about a weird feeling. Absolutely nothing chemistry wise at all. Actually I found it unpleasant (icky) and it felt nothing like I feel when I kiss a GG.

This is confusing to me because there is a certain body part GG's don't have I found I do very much like. Like I said I'm not sure I can even consider myself bisexual because there is only one part of a man that turns me on and nothing else sexually(kiss, touch) about them does. Now being dressed and pretending to be a woman with a man is very exciting to me and I can't help to confess I liked it.

I know some crossdressers do not want to be with men at all. But how many of you are like me who feel the need to or like the idea of being with men although you are not turned on by the men per se, just some of the things you can do with one?....

I am replying to your question without reading the other responses.

Guy on guy sex does absolutely nothing for me. But, like you, that body part interests me as well. I intend to make myself look and feel as feminine as possible then experience sex as a woman. I may really like it. Who knows?

AlyssaE12

10-30-2012, 02:48 PM

Toni, I totally know how you feel, I too have started being a more 'serious' tgirl after years of dressing on and off and I know what the feeling is like to want to be with a man to 'complete' the deal. guy on guy stuff doesnt do it for my unless one is dressed and one can totally be me. I dont know quite what to do with it, I only feel that way dressed. I would consider myself bi and being single lets me explore everything out there. I know I am attracted to other tgirls primarily but I find myself more interested in men when dressed. For me, it is important to have a connection with the person, when I have kissed men(twice only) and women it has been icky if there hasnt been that connection. But it is the person not the gender, for sure, that does it for me. but it is a little confusing, being attracted to a body part in one context but not another.

karinels

10-30-2012, 05:10 PM

I am one who will look at a man and notice if he is handsome or not, and may even develop a crush on one every once and a while (my neighbor is a stud, though). At the same time, when I look at girls, especially very pretty girls, I am more into their outfits and want to be them. I have been with guys. And at this time, I would have to consider myself more gay than bi. But there are a few girls every so often I do desire sexually.

Terri6082

10-30-2012, 05:21 PM

I sometimes think about being with a man when dressed but it is more an expression of completing my femininity than anything else. I have fantasized about going on a date with a man or being seduced by a man or having a man buy me a drink in a bar but again I think it is because it would mean the illusion or transformation was complete. My fantasies about men when dressed are much more romantic than my sexual fantasies about women. So yea I am sometimes attracted to men when en femme but not really sure what it means.-

Angela Campbell

10-30-2012, 06:00 PM

Men frighten me when I am a girl.

whowhatwhen

10-30-2012, 06:14 PM

Is it just some men and the way they present themselves and or act?
To me, some men give off a scary vibe and others, well... *grin*

I have noticed that the more I open up, the more I've started to notice men and check them out.
:)

ArleneRaquel

10-30-2012, 06:18 PM

Men are now a priority in my life, especially if they dress enfemme,or are open to the subject

Joanna Maguire

10-30-2012, 08:41 PM

While I am hetro I do enjoy when men treat me as if I am a woman. Gentlemen opening a door for a lady etc. Been out on dates with men. Though only when I am in the company of my wife or another CD. Several times men have tried to put their hands up my skirt. That is both enjoyable or frightening But in general I hate men. Most of my women friends are lesbians

Erica Marie

10-31-2012, 05:58 AM

Ill keep this clean and short. But I fully understand your feelings. Except for me when I dress I have the need to be with another person that is dressed. I have no attraction to regular males though. I know I am bi so does that make any sense?

GinaD

11-01-2012, 09:04 AM

Hey Toni,

Before I started dressing, I was crazy about girls, and never thought about boys in the same way. After I started, it was a few years until I started getting curious about what it would be like to be with a guy. I only thought that way when I was dressed though. When it did happen, it was awkward but I got into it all the way to see if I would like it. I did, but I never lost the desire for girls. I realized I wasn't attracted to the male form, but was mostly attracted to being on the "other end" of the sexual experience, almost as if living a "double life". After getting married, I still dressed but didn't stray with man or woman. It wasn't until my wife discovered by secret and left that I re-lived the experience. It held the same attraction as before. I still prefer women, but I have re-visited the other side on occasion and admit I've enjoyed it. I avoid getting to close to women now, just because I don't want to go through what has happened, and I don't ever want to hurt another one or myself like that again.

laura.lapinski

11-01-2012, 09:45 AM

Mistybtm

11-01-2012, 02:03 PM

dallasmann

11-01-2012, 04:36 PM

I enjoy the attraction, but only when dressed.....or wishing I was dressed. ;)

I am more deeply attracted to other CDs than to guys, however, and I can be with a CD (or TS) whether I'm dressed or not, so long as they ARE dressed.

GinaD

11-01-2012, 10:01 PM

Meghan

11-02-2012, 01:09 AM

This is a tough one.

I have been with a man while in totally male drab mode because my wife wanted to see that, but while it was happening I could only accept it by imagining that I was full on female at the time.

I think there is some desire to be physically aligned with our desired gender role. I cannot imagine a more powerful way to express one's own femininity than by attracting and being with a member of the opposite sex. Perhaps our mixed up brains can't envision that happening in male mode. In other words, it is possible that the female side of our brains cannot relate to a male being with a male, so instead of wanting to be with women sexually, it works the other way around?

Maybe we don't feel we can attract in male mode? Maybe there is a huge payback to the female self in knowing we have the power to attract male attention?

I will think about this one more as I drift off to sleep tonight. Thank you for the interesting question!

Meghan

Victoriana

11-02-2012, 01:53 AM

I can relate to this topic. I know for me I didn't have any attraction towards men at all growing up while crossdressing and I still don't. When I am out I don't check out men (if I do it is for style reasons), I always look at women because they are so hot (sometimes for style reasons too). What has evolved is that I slowly began thinking about men and fantasizing what it would be like to be with one. This totally scared me at first and well, it still does somewhat. I think as I dressed more I wanted to experience more feminine things and going out with or being with a hot guy would be the ultimate feminine experience. I agree with some posts above. I question whether I am attracted to men or is it an attraction to feeling the ultimate sensation as a woman by being with a man and so I flip flop between the two. Maybe it is just the idea only. That is what I am trying to figure out in addition to so many other crossdressing things!

When I dress now (which hasn't been much) I almost always think of going out with a man and being with one while dressed. Maybe I am bi-curious, I don't know. I would definitely need to be dressed up to get to that point though. I had or maybe still have a chance to pursue a good friend of mine (another potential post) and if given the chance I think I would put myself in the situation to see if I would want to be with him or if I would pull away in reality. My worry is how does one feel after being with a man? Guilty? Depressed? Or does it open the door to wanting to date men. So many questions! What a post!!!

Victoriana

laura.lapinski

11-02-2012, 09:24 AM

Hey Laura.

Yeah, it is a big step. It is easier if you take the time to know the first man you are going to be with. I knew the person I was with the first time for over a year. We were good friends before anything happened. Even now, I take my time getting to know someone first to get a vibe about them. I have no time for idiots and will not stand to be disrespected in the least. Any man who wants more than friendship from me has to prove he is kind and gentle and safe.

I am that way too. Fantasies of random, faceless sex are fine, but in real life it's more comfortable to know the person well first. It's a deeper connection and you can really open up and trust each other and share with more connection.

ruthie801

11-02-2012, 09:57 AM

Hi great thread, I must admit that most of my sexual fantasies are of me as a woman with a man. The porn I like is mostly older woman with young men, of course I fantasy about me being the older woman. I am, I guess happily married to the same woman for over 30 years. She knows about “Ruth” but doesn’t approve at all. She has always been a beautiful girl and has always attracted the attention of men, but she is a good girl and as far as I know has been true to me. She has teased me about us having a threesome with another guy (which I previously posted here) but that was all it was a tease. I have worn lingerie with her and she has taken the dominant role, even wearing a toy. Fun but not the real thing.
What I don’t understand about how some of the girls ideas about sexual feelings. I mean we take so much time to present a feminine image, the more feminine and girly the better. For me the urge to consummate that feeling of being a woman is over whelming. How better than being with a man as only a real woman can be. And yet I do not find men sexually appealing when not dressed very weird.

whowhatwhen

11-02-2012, 12:33 PM

I'm going to recommend again that some of you check out some *ahem* material of men by themselves.
Not two guys, not a guy with whatever else - just one man.

Pictures, movies, whatever it doesn't matter.
Do this in male mode and see how you feel, try and relax and open up.

If you're straight you probably won't get any reaction at all, but if you start feeling some reaction then that opens up further possibilities.
This may or may not help you, but for me it was a way to remove the noise and see what exactly was going on.

Are you attracted to the man himself and all that comes with him, or do you just want his penis?
Turned out for me that I was attracted to the whole package (lol) but it took a lot of opening up and breaking down walls to admit it.

So just look at half/naked men (without fap fap fap) and see what reaction you get.
In fact, half-naked is even better since it removes the penis from the equation.

JenniferLynn0370

11-02-2012, 09:16 PM

I believe I like men but I'm not 100% sure yet. As I've thought about it through the years, I've realized I must have always liked men. I tried to be a man all my life but have never denied to myself the love I have for all things feminine. I finally realized that while I consciously admired ladies' fashions, I looked at men entirely differently; I thought they were hunks, cute, etc. Looking at hunks now gets me excited and I cannot "perform" in bed with my wife unless I imagine that I am the oh so passive woman and she is the hunky man. If I don't do that, nothing happens for me; it's gotten so bad that she thinks I need to see a doctor. I just haven't had the courage to tell her that I don't need a doctor...unless he is the hunk in bed about to ravage me! :-)

Annieinheels

11-02-2012, 10:27 PM

Wow, this is a really informative thread. ReineD's comment early on really struck a tone with me. I've never really been attracted to men, and the serious thought of sex as a man is a serious turn off. But when I'm dressed as a woman, I want to explore and do things a woman might do. I once gave a lap dance to a GG who wanted to try something new. Her and I both enjoyed the experience, and I learned that giving a lap dance in 4 inch heels is much harder than it looks! Sometimes I even fantasize about guys, but I've never actively acted on it, or even sought out an experience with a guy. Well, there was one time in a bar where I found myself heavily flirting with a guy I just met. Nevermind that both of our SO's were also there. I didn't realize it at first, but I think I was just genuinely attracted to his personality in a weird kinda way. Or some nuerons got crossed or something. :)

Victoriana

11-02-2012, 11:29 PM

I am still trying to figure this whole thing out. If you get excited by the thought of a man or lets say just liking men as a whole is that any indication that you may be bisexual...who knows. I know I get excited thinking of being a woman for a man and to me it is not just the penis that gets me going when I fantasize. Men!!! Ahhh. You know...I have no idea...to be continued. :P

jody smith

11-03-2012, 10:37 AM

I've never been attracted to men, even when dressed. I love women and everything about them. That said, I am also very attracted to crossdressers....I do like that "one part" and often fantasize about being with another cd. I suppose this makes me bi and am totally ok with that. I could be with a cd while I'm dressed or in guy mode, although both of us dressed is much more appealing.

Monicamaryjay

11-03-2012, 04:17 PM

Hi Toni,
Thank you for sharing. I have read a number of posts about this and I, too, feel similar to what you describe.
I am not attracted to men either; I am actually turned off by most men. However the male parts I do enjoy.

I also took the time to explore my sexuality with a male in my 20's ( I am 58 now), and I found it far too mechanical. I really just wanted the male parts and would have loved to have a woman there to cuddle afterwards.

I have tried to encorporate this fantasy into my life with GG's and it does work if the partner is acccepting. The problem is that they have found these fantasies tiresome after awhile, and most just believed I was at least bisexual and wanted men in real life, which was partially true. I wanted part of the man.

I am separated now and I don't know if I will have a S.O. again. I belong to an older generation who are not nearly as accepting or open, making it all very complicated and confusing issue at my age.

I do think it is a very helpful to discuss and explore this complex subject.

Sometimes we might just have a lightbulb turn on.

Monica

Newcdguy

11-03-2012, 06:40 PM

I think for me it is the penis itself. I don't like men's bodies at all except that one part. And that's only when stephanie is around. We get around that somewhat with toys and stuff.
Hugs
Stephanie

irishsissy

11-04-2012, 10:22 PM

Wow, This is a great thread, I have never been with a male yet but thats not to say that someday I won,t be. I know when I,m dressed as a femne and standing next to a guy sometimes I get these strange feelings. I think if I was in the right place at the right time I might want to try to be the girl I really feel like with the right guy.

BobbieB

12-22-2012, 06:11 AM

I am attracted to men the whole package. I am always checking them out. But I am picky and and only
date men after I get to know them very well. To many crazy things going on these days you have to be carefull.
I like woman but as friends only.

Billie Jean

12-22-2012, 06:27 AM

I am attracted to women strongly but have fantasized about being out dressed to the nines and being hit on by guys. BTW I will be 55 in less than two months. Billie Jean

SandraInHose

12-22-2012, 03:55 PM

I consider myself 100% heterosexual, happily married, and am not the least bit attracted to men.

However, ONLY when dressed, do I fantasize about what it would be like to be treated like a woman by another man, or at least by another crossdresser. I have no attraction to men, but to experience the feeling of being desired is one I have daydreamed about many times. I imagine being treated exactly as I would treat a woman, slowly and sensually being touched in various places, all while wearing a sexy outfit.

Like others have said, touching a man's penis while dressed as a woman is a curious fantasy, but in real life there's a 99.9% chance I wouldn't go for it. Maybe 99.8%. <wink>

melissakozak

12-22-2012, 06:22 PM

Attractive men are lovely regardless of who I present as. Being hit on is flattering.....

Kaz

12-22-2012, 06:26 PM

Hi Toni... it totally resonates with me. In guy mode I am not gay. As a teenager I questioned this and it was obvious to me that this was not 'my bag'... but we do develop as we get older. I had another gay experience a decade or so later - it appeased something in my head but did nothing for me. I was not moved to repeat it. It was as you said, mechanical? Going through the motions?

But when I am in Kaz mode... what do I mean by that.. pink fog? Just me 'being' her... yeah I have the most erotic fantasies you can imagine. I don't have to be 'dressed' either, just in that mindset. But the reality is.. I see a guy...no interest... I see women.. just amazing! And I have no desire to leave my wife other than to be able to dress openly around the house.

Call me weird? Yeah... I am a CD! Just like you and thousand of others! Isn't it a strange exploration of who we are? I want to feel like a woman not just look like one - and for all the GGs... that includes all the crap! But sadly I never will...

MsJanessa

12-22-2012, 07:01 PM

ReineD I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I have a hard time considering myself bi because I am also completely turned off by a guy wanting to return the favor for me, or them wanting me to use mine on them. Which makes sexual encounters awkward to say the least, and a major reason I have not sought out more of them.

Have you ever thought about a relationship with another crossdresser--you would have the pleasure of kissing and carressing someone feminine but with that "extra" part that you want.

rita63

12-23-2012, 09:41 PM

I have always found I am attracted to people as a person first then as a sexual partner. I guess all those gender tests that say I am androgynous really do mean something. Sex is just not a big motivator for me.
hugs rita

DanielleT

12-24-2012, 01:08 PM

When I am "dressed" I feel a strong sexual attraction to men, although I find women equally as interesting. I often fantasize about what it would be like to be with a guy and some day (probably sooner than later) I want to try that. For me, I think taking that step will bring fulfillment to me as a woman. I'm single, but a I have a unique lady friend who is bi, but tending towards her lesbian side, we have alot of fun together. I'm really thinking seriously about dating a TS, I have met several recently and I find them fascinating. I hope this isn't too risque, but I really enjoy this kind of conversation.

LadyPilot

12-24-2012, 02:08 PM

My wife is the one who wants to explore the role playing, although, we haven’t done anything yet I do enjoy the build-up to the climax (no pun intended). For example, she will talk ‘dirty’ to me about being all dressed and having some guy run his hand up under my skirt, then she asks me “what will you do?” She always presents scenarios then she wants me to tell her what I will do to him, her or them. Needless to say this a huge (pun intended) turn-on for both of us. If something is to happen I think we have both decided that it should be with another CD that way it’s just us girls. Even if nothing happens our verbal descriptions are truly amazing. LP

DanielleT

12-24-2012, 02:26 PM

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that I would love to date/spend time with another CD when we are both "en femme". Over new years weekend I have been invited to a couple of "special" parties which I am very much looking forward to. One in particular is for CD's and TS girls. Other than the opportunity to go out fully dressed, I am quite certain I am going to meet some new people and make some interesting friends.

Gypsy Sam

12-24-2012, 02:46 PM

As mentioned here previously, some 30years ago I was seduced into a man on man intimacy.While he seemed to like it, I was rather indifferent to the whole thing. Recognize an attractive man when I see one, mostly my thoughts are I bet he doesn't have to work for it like most men do. Very attracted to the Cders portrayed here and never have been with one. Married 30 years and love my wife immensly, enjoy the fantasy but not sure if single would I indulge.

danielleinbr

12-24-2012, 02:56 PM

Men? I am attracted to handsome polite men very much. I am not attracted to other girls in a sexual way. Only for friendship there. I have been with both men and women, but now I prefer to date and see men exclusively. But the man has to be nice, sincere, safe, and polite. I guess that is why men I date are my age or older, I dont really click with young guys.
Hugs
Danielle

Gretchen_To_Be

12-24-2012, 03:24 PM

The aspects of a woman that I most want to emulate--smooth, hairless clear skin, shapely legs, a narrow waist, and breasts--are precisely the physical attributes men lack. The clothing a woman can wear--especially sheer hose, high heels, skirts, dresses and other lingerie--are what I find most attractive. Therefore there is nothing traditionally "manly" that I think is sexy--though I try to look that way for my wife when not wearing hose or heels around her in private. I'd never find a man attractive. I suppose a very passable TS would be an interesting experience, though.

litangel

12-24-2012, 04:49 PM

I have recently come out, and dress feminine publicly, with no need to pass. I have publicly declared myself as gender fluid, and I with that declaration about two months ago, my attractions have changed. I am still primarily attracted to GG or other folks with the same downstairs equipment, but the type of women I am attracted to is changing. I think I used to be attracted to very feminine women who I wanted to be like. Now I am finding myself attracted to GG with a blending of gender characteristics like me, who have more to give me and can lead sometimes.

geri

12-25-2012, 01:07 AM

toni,
you have, like me, found your inner-self. i, for many years, thought i was hetrosexual but then i met a man that turned me on and we had sex. it was wonderful. if i was 40 years younger, i would have had SRS and be living as a woman that i am.
just enjoy.....
hugs,
geri

Samantha W

12-25-2012, 02:30 AM

It is very simple for me. Eric is a stright man and Samantha is a stright woman.

DanielleT

12-25-2012, 02:03 PM

Many good points made here, on which I would like to add a comment. Like most things in this life, it depends on how hard you want to work at something, how much desire you have, how committed you are. When I gave in to my feminine side a few years ago, I decided to fully explore it. To that end, I started tailoring my workout routine to develop a more ladylike form. Simply put, I work on shaping my legs and butt, flattening my tummy and so on. Along with that I started using various creams and lotions (all natural) and a massage regimen to develop my breasts, with which I have had some measure of success. I changed my hair style such that I can easily wear it as either a male or female. Notwithstanding, I do have a closet full of wigs which I also enjoy........depending on my mood.

After about a year, I started doing full body shaves and basically threw away all my male undergarments except for a precious few for going to the MD and so on. I started wearing panties every day and not long thereafter bras and pantyhose. While I wear male outer clothes during the work day, I am fully dressed as a woman underneath. After work and on the weekend, I dress and live, exclusively as a woman.

I have thought seriously about SRS, but quite honestly, I am (almost) happy where I am today, in that I can enjoy the best of both worlds. The one thing that bothers me the most is that I really want to live my life full time as a woman, that is to say being able to go to work dressed as such. I am always so envious of female co-workers who can wear pretty skirts and dresses, heels and hose. That's the place I want to get to.

I have had quite a bit of success in my "transition", I am very passable, save and except for my voice being a little too deep. I practice voice lessons all the time and things are getting better. I am comfortable going out in public dressed as a woman except for that.

I am attracted to both men and women and very fluid and open minded in my orientation. CD's and TS individuals are of special interest to me, I think it is sweet and sexy to be en femme with another CD.

I really hope this little iteration helps other women in this forum.