Heres a question, thought, serious too

[Denise Robinson]

Dear All,

Since realising and accepting what and who i am i have noticed things. First off my emmotions have been very wild, by that i mean well i watch or listen to something and i feel it very strongly, usually end up crying as never felt this way. now you could say thats normal but for me it isnt, i usually am very stiff upper lip. Then i have noticed that i do things the female way without thinking which of course is being noticed at work. Girls at work also smile at me more now i have accepted. Maybe i am giving off a vibe that im now not confused and people are picking up on it. Even my wife now calls me a babe. My cousin (GG) speaks to me daily and knows, she said today god you talk the same way (not vocally) a girl would as we talk about a lot of issues not just me she also was very accepting of me but today said your Denise, i think you may know what i truely mean there.

I suppose i am asking you experianced girls on here that when you finally and i mean finally realised and accepted did you notice things happen. I dont mean over night just gradually. Did it make you smile and happy or did it concern you. For me its Happy, smile and also concern. its like its something i cannot control, its just happening..... well sorry to sound all crazy but just needed to express what is going on in me.

again thanks for listening. i havent been very active lately on this BB but as you can tell been deep in thought.

[Kimberly]

I don't think it was me finding these things out about myself... I think I stopped ruppressing them.

I really accepted exactly who I was about a year ago, after exploring how I felt about CDing on this site and with my (now ex)SO. Since then, I've gone back to doing loads of typically feminine stuff, like crossing my legs. :) I just don't care what people say any more... about the little things, anyway.

xx

[chattaboxx]

Hi Denise

Thank you for avery interesting read.

I have been told by many GG that i listen and give very good advice, they don't know i am a CD but they tell me that i am easy to talk to.

I hope you are on these BB more often now

Louise

[Denise Robinson]

Kim,

Yes you are so right there. its all about not suppressing yourself and making yourself into something your not. i really wish i had come to terms with myself a long time ago....thats stereotypical programming for you.

[Denise Robinson]

Chattabox,

Yes i totally agree there. you see as a guy im told not to show emmotion etc and this meant not relating to women on a level of understanding but theres understanding and then theres understanding. By that i mean when you think like a girl you fully understand not just being sympathetic as a guy. sorry i know i may not be making sense its just so difficult to put my feelings down on paper.

[Phoebe Reece]

Denise, I came to terms with this side of me many, many years ago. To the best of my recollection, it was with great relief and happiness. Afterwards, I felt much more self-confident. The change in my approach to life ultimately helped me in my career and as a husband and father. It may sound silly, but I firmly believe that occasionally being a woman has made me a better man.

[Denise Robinson]

ok, one more bit of madness.....

you see at one time up until recently i was concentrating on how well i can do makeup , could i pass, what clothes suit me etc, but you know its not really about that. by that i mean yes thats part of it but it isnt what its all about for me. for me its about reaching a point where i can say ok im 50% this 50 % that or what ever figure or even to say no im not this or that, yes sounds like im label hunting here but i have noticed a lot of girls on here that would say no im 100 % this or that, this i guess is what i am trying to get to. I dont get a sexual kick out of putting on panties etc but to me its normal. its like whats all the fuss about. of course ones self esteem kicks in and you want to look good and feel good about yourself. but to cut a long novel short i guess i am looking for the answer which i guess in time will reveal itself. apologies for the spelling mistakes. does anyone else have these inner feelings

[Amelie]

It was quite awhile since I realised and accepted who I was. I have always had girl traits in me. I didn't have to suppress my emotions. I didn't really behave in a manly way to begin with. I did have trouble as a teen, I went through a confusing period in my life but when I reached 19 I accepted myself and lived my life the way that I wanted. There was no concern for what I have become, there was happiness, yes there was happiness, a feeling of satisfaction.

[Veronica E. Scott]

I am not sure when the big bang happened but when I change from him to her it is like all the pieces of the puzzle come togather and I am a whole person.I am better able to listen to my girls and understand what they are trying to say and empathise with them,but any way I know what you are reffering to

[JMO2]

Unlike most of you I have never gotten to that point. I have put the clothes on and have tried on various things but have never been at a point where I can dress up completely and explore "That side" of me.
I have been one all my life and I know I am one but the situation I am in I surpress that part of me and it is showing in the relationship.
She keeps saying when I talk to her, "Its just a faze you had to go through to find out who you are". She doesn't understand all the ramifications of what is going on with me. She says things like ,"You are always worked up".
"Why can't you calm down".
Things have progressed to the point where I am scared at what to say to her about what I have found out that I did not know was happening to me.
Depression, anger, and getting mad easily.
I know who I am and I don't know how to tell her that........

[Lacy75]

I have known that i wanted to be a woman since i can remember.I have always been emotional,and had quite a few female qualities to my personality.My biggest problem hasnt been deciding whether or not i want to be a woman.Just dealing with the fact that i want to be a woman has been the hardest thing for me.Well,best of luck,its sounds like things are happening for you!All i can say is try to be yourself!Bye
Lacy

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Oddly enough fully accepting the feminine side of me seems to be allowing me to be more masculine en homme. I've always been a fairly androgynous personality and like a lot of us, I've felt like playing the male role was a bit of facade.

Maybe that I'm now less concerned about hiding the feminine side of me means I'm more relaxed en homme. I'm not about to crush beercans on my forehead any time soon, but after realizing it is all a bit of a performance I can butch up when needed. (I think of it as Darla doing FTM CDing.) Maybe it's simply just being more confident. My new look convinced me a I can be attractive -- although I still feel more attractive en femme due to all the aids (make-up etc.) one can employ.

Someone else coin a way of looking at that I thought was worth remember. Darla is trying to be the woman of [male name]'s dreams. [Male name] is trying to be the man of Darla's dreams.

[Helana]

Darla

I have had the same experience as you. Upon accepting my feminine self, I just became a better person in general which meant that I was also more relaxed and confident in playing my male role. I guess it is because I no longer care what vibes I give off - whether male or female - I just want to be me.

This makes you feel more comfortable with yourself and makes others more comfortable with you. I was definitely a more attractive male after my self-acceptance. Yet another good reason to come out of the closet - you can release all the fear, doubt and self-loathing bottled up inside and become a better person no matter what gender role you are in.:)

[michellej]

Do you realise what a better person you have become? Congratulations! One of the best things about females is that marvolous ability to open themselves up and let their emotions show! Way to go!