How do we look?

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm being objective enough when I get dressed and look in the mirror. Do I really look nice en femme or not? What do others really see? I know sometimes subtle movements and facial expression can make a world of difference in impression. This question is particularly for GG's but anyone may respond. From what you see on the Forum with avatars and pictures(or what you have seen firsthand in public) do we really look like women when we take the time to look nice or do we look like guys in dresses and makeup wearing wigs or whatever? If you saw us out in public or in a store would you know at first glance that we were CDers or do we look convincingly like any other gal? I'm mostly talking about first impressions and not studying how we walk or talk. I have been told in the past that had I not told someone otherwise, they would have assumed I was a woman with no question. I know it probably depends on the individual person but was wondering how it's seen from an overall impression.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

That is a fair guestion Kate! How do we look! First impressions may not really be the answer! When in public eye and you get a complement you wonder was he or she sincere or just being polite because they could see right through you! I sometimes wonder! Hugs!

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

I would always be honest ... but not say it in a way to offend anyone ..... id offer tips to improve ..not put downs .... okies xxxxxx

[kimdl93]

That's such a tough question to answer. I think it's best to assume that we can be read easily and just be comfortable with that. I certainly want to look presentable, but in the end I dress for myself.

[Marleena]

Well I like what I see in the mirror when Marleena is there. As for other people as long as they don't look at me they won't see a guy in a dress!:D

[Karren H]

Just speaking for this "we" but "we" alway tries to look amazing.... But never quite gets there. Lol. What others think of "we" doesn't concern "we".. Me.. I.... :)

[Chari]

Have always felt if I am comfortable and confident in what I am wearing, how I look, and especially who I am - why worry about "passing"! "You can't please everyone - so you've got to please yourself" song by Rick Nelson.

[Kate Simmons]

The reason I started this thread was to get some observations. I may be entering a new situation soon wherein I'm going to be expected to be the "woman", so I'm understandably curious about this. This will be a whole new "ball game" in more ways than one with interactions, etc. :)

[kimdl93]

Could you explain the situation a bit Kate? Are you undertain about your presentation? The best advice I can give is to seek someone there - in real life - perhaps your SO - to give you an appraisal of your look and mannersms, and perhaps some helpful suggestions to better prepare you to "be the woman".

[Marleena]

The reason I started this thread was to get some observations. I may be entering a new situation soon wherein I'm going to be expected to be the "woman", so I'm understandably curious about this. This will be a whole new "ball game" in more ways than one with interactions, etc. :)

Oh.. now I think I get it.:) Perhaps this question might be better posted in the Loved Ones section Kate.

[Thera Home]

Kate honey
When you look in the mirror, love yourself for you. Youre special and no one can take that from you. Dont worry about the rest of the little thoughts that come,theyre part of the territory

Thera

[Persephone]

O would some Power the gift to give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion:
What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
And even devotion!
.................................................. .-- Robert Burns (translated)

I suspect that no panel of judges nor juries will be able to provide a real answer, especially from pictures. You mostly learn the answer from real life -- do others accept you on the street, in conversation, as a friend?

If you are thinking of something like a job change en femme, you might log some "girl time" as a volunteer in a hospital or take an after-hours part time job and see how it goes. If you are able to start hanging with the other women on a regular basis then you're probably good to go.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Georgia_Maine]

What does femme look like exactly? I've seen many women that I'm sure are GG, but have a more masculine body and appearance, while there are men with more delicate features often though to be feminine. I sometimes think that attitude and demeanor are more important than appearance.

Gigi

[Kate Simmons]

Without going onto too much detail, let's just say that when I find someone I really care about, it doesn't really matter what their gender is. I have found a masculine person who really cares about me as Kate, knows who I am up front and that does not matter. If I get into a close relationship, I will need to interface with family and friends of his but as his GF. I want to make a good impression. This will honestly be my greatest role I have ever played as a feminine person. The "leg work" is already done as he has told everyone about me and they don't seem to have a problem with it. Even so, if this does come to pass I want to put forth my best efforts. Will it be a lot of work to maintain my feminine appearance? Oh yes, nothing good comes free or easy but then many GG's do that for their SO anyway. Am I nervous? Hell yes, even with all of my years of experience. Is it worth it? Oh yes, no doubt whatsoever.No one said it would be easy though. Sigh!:daydreaming::)

[Persephone]

Sounds wonderful! Congratulations Kate!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[AllieSF]

Kate, I congratulate you on your good fortune and truly do wish you all the best. You have been a great member here for a long time, and have read and learned a lot from all the members. There are many ways to look at your questions, doubts and desires. I still believe that first and foremost you need to just be you in all your glory plus that which is not so glorious. You cannot recreate who you are. You can work around the edges to fine tune things like presentation, mannerisms, voice, makeup and style, which is always beneficial to some point. But it is so hard, maybe impossible, to change who you have become over the many years. You cannot live your life walking on egg shells trying not to break any. I understand your feelings and I would probably have the same ones if I was in your situation. I say, when you look, glance in the mirror, or do neither, and are satisfied with your look and yourself as being good enough to face the world as it comes by, than you are there. I work on my look to a point, and then I say, "I am there" for today or tonight. I really do not worry about it much afterward while out eating, attending a play and talking with others, other than to make sure that the toilet paper is not stuck to the bottom of my shoes, my hair is relatively neat, my lipstick is fresh and I am still comfortable with who I am at that moment. From then on I let myself take control and just be me, not me in a dress, just me. It works for me and thankfully, I am free of most self doubts and anxieties that I read about so much in the many threads here. I can only do so much physically to alter, or maybe better said, to improve my looks when dressed as a woman. That also applies to yourself, even in the more serious situation of meeting the Significant Other's family and friends. I think that you will do just fine once you get over the initial meetings, sideway glances, etc. They need to adapt to you as you do to them. Enjoy and good luck.

[Inna]

Do we really want to know????????!!!!!!!!!!!

REALITY didn't save me, the wonderful and blissful words of those here repeating "Oh My, you look like a woman hon, you do!" those words and those behind those words did!
As I walked the path towards womanhood, reality was overbearing, and fantasy carried me over the obstacles so immense and so hurtful that otherwise I would had not survived!

[Annaliese2010]

After going to your profile page to get a better look at your profile pic, I just have to say my 1st impression is that you are very definitely a woman, Kate. You have a lovely feminine smile a pretty face and seem to be very sweet & engaging.

By my readings here it's obvious the concerns you express are shared by many other girls. It's natural to be 'other directed', to look for self validation in the eyes of the general public because their perceptions and attitudes reflect back to us much as a mirror. They inform us about ourselves. But for whatever reasons I have personally never been much interested in nor cared about the perceptions and judgements of random strangers while out shopping for instance. I Do care how I am perceived by girl friends or girls I may come across and feel attracted to, but never have attached much significance at all to the 'general public'.

Living a healthy lifestyle, eating right, engaging in regular (aerobic) exercise (walking, biking swimming, jogging), avoiding extremes and getting sufficient sleep are of first and foremost importance in terms of how pretty a girl looks on the outside, IMO. All of the outer feminine accoutrements a girl may choose (clothes, make up etc) are secondary and simply reflect her individual preference, sense of style and flair.

Most ppl have the human tendancy to judge others by 1st impressions based on outward appearance alone no matter one's gender; male, female, cis or trans. But when you're doing everything 'right', living a healthy life, being true to your own inmost self - the expression of the girl in you flows freely, naturally, without compromise and without the need to feel 'accepted', steered or governed by how others perceive or judge you.

You are who you are & look how you look. And when you're living right & doing your best you Are at your best and carry a sense of confidence and self acceptance that projects...and influences a persons perception and 'judgement' more than a pretty face alone or by what style of dress you're wearing. Based on your photo & the personality your words alone convey you seem to be such a girl, Kate.

That's my opinion and my philosophy anyways, for what it's worth. :battingeyelashes:

182913

[KellyJameson]

Hi Kate

Perhaps what makes you nervous is the same thing that make women nervous as they age and that is holding onto physical beauty as a means to an end.

If a person lives long enough they must confront their relationship with the effects of aging on many levels.

Cindy Jackson has had fifty-two plastic surgeries and in my opinion she looks reasonably good for someone who is fifty five years old but what has she losted in return for what she has gained?

I have walked this same road but I know everytime I step onto it I'm increasing my own insecurity by trying to bend reality to my will instead of learning the lessons that life would teach me if I had not manipulated my physical appearance.

To find balance in love there most be more to love than what we offer on the outside otherwise we attract superficial people who do not have enough deepth to be able to love us, only to use us.

Be beautiful for yourself and others will find you beautiful.

[Kate17]

Hi kate, let me add something to the thread. I always felt I did a pretty good job of looking feminine and plausable. Many of my male friends and cd friends always gave me compliments so I venture out as if I were the girl I want to be. Then my wife made a comment to me - She said, sorry but you are an ugly woman and you look like a man in a dress. Wow that hurt !! And, the next night I went out I got clocked several times or at least I noticed it several time. That almost never happens - meaning I never notce it. OK, here is the point. My wife loves me as a man, she married a man and although she puts up with my dressing and fem appearance, it is clear she does not like it. So, her perception of me is as a man and only a man. She can anot appreciate the vision of me as a woman. Her comments bear that out. Others who have never seen me as a man say - hey you are a georgous fun lovin girl. So what does that mean? I think it means that people see you through their own prejudice or lack there of. You are going into a situation where there are no advanced perceptions - Right? Accept yourself for what you are or what you want to be. As Annaliese said, you are who you are. Also accept that they will judge you less on your appearance and more on you as a person after the first hello. Hope this made sense.

[Kate Simmons]

Thank you all my dear friends for all of your kind and wonderful words. I have much to consider, perhaps not unlike what a potential bride considers as she is about to embark on a wonderful relationship. Class is over, the world awaits with all it's wonders both subtle and gross. I have many reasons for doing this, not the least of which is my spirituality. The previous has been a development like an embryo but now the "rubber" really hits the "road". My aim is to do positive value added things in this capacity and doing nothing accomplishes nothing because as the saying goes: "If ya snooze, ya lose." But really, how can I ever lose with friends like you supporting me.?:battingeyelashes::)

[Thera Home]

But really, how can I ever lose with friends like you supporting me.?:battingeyelashes::)

We're here for you sis, always

Thera

[Lorileah]

Don't worry about it Kate. "we" are what we are. If you worry too much about how you do this and how you do that you will surely make it more obvious you are trying to cover something. In everyday life you don't try and put on an act, don't start now. When you meet the family just be you.

I just assume that when someone looks at me they see a big guy. I don't cover my face or try and do something they may think is feminine. They either "know" or they don't. The thing here is that everyone already probably acts "fem" without even thinking about it. Those are the ones who slide right into daily situations. When you exaggerate the walk, the hand motions, the head movement it looks garish and is like a big neon sign. You have been around enough to know this. I know you are worried about meeting friends and relations, so just show them Kate. It will be OK

[Nikki A.]

Some of us look very passable, some don't. Basically though its all how we act rather than how we look. Knowing you I think you can pull it off. It also seems that as we age our features soften and older women tend to wrinkle so it seems to come easier to pass.

[ReineD]

This question is particularly for GG's but anyone may respond. From what you see on the Forum with avatars and pictures(or what you have seen firsthand in public) do we really look like women when we take the time to look nice or do we look like guys in dresses and makeup wearing wigs or whatever? If you saw us out in public or in a store would you know at first glance that we were CDers or do we look convincingly like any other gal?

It depends on the person: their physiognomy, their stature (height, bone mass), their age. And a figure seen in a small picture online will not give an accurate representation of the full sized figure you see in real life under all kinds of different light, with different facial expressions and at different angles.

But generally at first glance and from further away, people will not be able to tell, especially if the CDer in question is at the periphery of their notice. This changes the longer they look and observe, the closer they are, and this changes more when there is direct interaction. Some people who aren't good at reading the subtle gender cues won't be sure still, yet others who are better at it will know. This is why many TSs opt for FFS in addition to electrolysis and taking hormones which changes the skin texture and redistributes fat.

Granted, there are some CDers who are very young, have a small stature, and have delicate features who can go under most people's radars as long as they have the voice down pat.

EDIT - I forgot to say that once there is direct interaction, good things happen because the CDer's inner self (intelligence, sense of humor, general niceness) shines through and this often supplants any subconscious prejudice an unknowing 2nd party may have that up until that moment had been rather sketchy based on uninformed views gleaned from the media.

[Marleena]

Kate just be yourself. The person we see here is wonderful.:)

[bobbimo]

SMILE, always SMILE.
I am amazed at how different we gurls look when we smile.
I know it works for me.
Good luck with your new situation. I'm rooting for ya!!
bobbi

[Beverley Sims]

Smile is a wonderful disguise.
I think familiarity breeds contempt and we are all over critical of ourselves.
Mind you, always have a close shave before going out.
Apply some makeup as well.:)

[EllieOPKS]

Kate - Your personality is reflected in your posts. Just being your natural self is all that you need to do. Keep in mind, they have to earn your respect as well. It's easy on any subject to start playing the "what if" game, which will spin out of control faster than a rocket without fins, so as a friend I would suggest you turn off the "what if" switch now.
Ellie

[suchacutie]

Hi Kate! When Tina first arrived I thought that the be-all/end-all was a feminine appearance that matched this Tina-person that had just emerged. In time that slid over to mannerisms, deportment, words, language, voice....well the list just went on and on. Finally Tina realized that all of this detail wasn't the issue at all, but was the effect of Tina wanting to express herself.

Being "the girl" is a state of mind, first and foremost...at least in my experience. If that's so, then the first issue is, "do you want to be Kate?" If the answer to this is yes, the path is clear and you will be driven to let Kate be the center of your life. The woman in you will be the focus, and all that goes with it will be a joy! If the answer to the question is not completely yes, then there will be a different path.

best wishes,
Tina

[Antoinette]

I do wonder that myself. Hmmm...honestly, whichever actual girl sees this i'd like to know your opinion. Don't worry, honesty won't drop my confidence, it would help me improve more (v^-^)

[Kate Simmons]

Tina, I think the answer to the question is a definite yes. I want to be Kate with all of my heart soul and being with this. I spoke with my BF today about this, we openly discuss everything, and he is for it 100%. I'm so happy I'm almost speechless (which is damn near impossible with me). This time it seems really real.:daydreaming::battingeyelashes::)

[Kaz]

Kate, you have a whole load of friends behind you on this and we are all wishing you all the very best as you move forward. The pics look great but on this site we don't see real life and that is the big challenge... and there is only one way to tackle that challenge. If HE is happy... you just go for it! :)

[Barbara Ella]

As has been said, the real proof is always in the real life situations. GUESS WHAT. He fell in love with you in real life when you were just being you. He fell in love with you, not someone you could morph into. YOU. He is willing to do this with You

Be who you are, and be true to yourself and you will capture the hearts of others as you have ours, and as you have his.

Hugs, Barbara

[ReineD]

Kate, I owe you an apology. I responded to your first post before going through and reading all the rest (I know. Bad Reine).

Anyway I agree with the others, he loves you for you, and you just need to be yourself. I wish you both a lot of happiness. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

No problem Reine. You answered what I had asked in the beginning and I appreciate your obsrevations and comments. I had not originally intended to "spill the beans" but in the course of the thread it kind of came out to answer other questions. I should have known that my friends here would support me in my new relationship. It's kinda on when it happens(have family commitments at this point) but not if. I definitely love this person and I will be able to do what I have really wanted to all my life, care for someone who really cares about me and be a home maker (I've already had a career but I think this career will be even more important). I'm on cloud 9 just thinking about it.:battingeyelashes::)

[sometimes_miss]

99% of us won't pass; we don't have the anatomy to do so (and I don't mean genitals; feet, hands are larger on men, and when men try to emulate women, we nearly always overdo the mannerisms). THat said, if you've found someone who loves you for who you are, then jump in with both feet and forget what the rest of the world thinks. True love is a rare thing, and if you find it, don't let it go, you may never find it again.

[Sophia Claire]

Believe me, you're not alone here. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get my makeup right. They're all right, though. What really matters is that you like how you look and that your SO is okay with it. Happiness is loveliness!

[TeresaL]

99% of us won't pass; we don't have the anatomy to do so (and I don't mean genitals; feet, hands are larger on men, and when men try to emulate women, we nearly always overdo the mannerisms). THat said, if you've found someone who loves you for who you are, then jump in with both feet and forget what the rest of the world thinks. True love is a rare thing, and if you find it, don't let it go, you may never find it again.

Wouldn't it be great if it were reversed and 99% of us could pass? Just wishing'.

[Kate Simmons]

We "pass" more than we think we do Hon. I've been told that many times. The biggest problem is that I think we tend to fret too much rather than just be ourselves. Carry on my Sisters, you are all beautiful to me.:battingeyelashes::)

[ReineD]

So Kate, how is it progressing between you and this guy? Are the two of you an item now? :)

[Kate Simmons]

There are many things involved with this relationship Reine. It's not something I one day just decided to do. We met once but hit it off right away but live in different states right now. He wants me to come to live with him but I've explained that I have a prior commitment with my Son to help him with his boys. Until matters are arranged differently, we will see one another on a limited basis but that is okay as it gives us more time to get to know one another. We talk about everything and I mean everything, from what we like to do and hobbies, etc. to how we view intimacy, So far, so good. I don't intend to make the same mistake with him that I made with my wife. We never took the time to become close friends before settling down. This will be a test of patience for both of us for sure but something worthwhile is worth the wait. That has been proven to me time and time again. So, slow but steady is the word for now.:)

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Congratulations Kate ...... a lady who deserves happiness xxxxxx

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks Billie. I'm really beginning to feel the good wishes and support from all of my friends here. This is literally a dream come true for me and something I have longed for since I was little.:)