QUEER is a beautiful word!

[Frédérique]

“The sweetest thing... A smell of corrosion... And perfume...” (John Foxx)

Queer is a beautiful word and it’s JUST a word, so please relax... :straightface:

We are all under the crossdressing umbrella, but isn’t it true that we are all under the QUEER umbrella as well, I mean in a larger sense? Carrying on from the crossdresser/transgendered discussion, I’ve been wondering about the current status of the word queer. If we step back from the “issues” of the present day, with all of the confusing language being bandied about, you may remember that, once upon a time, language was simple, clear, and to the point. Back in the day, we were queer, then we “became” crossdressers, and then we were somehow transformed into transgendered individuals. Language is getting in the way more and more, so is it any wonder that disagreements under our “umbrella” erupt from time to time?

The word "queer" was originally meant to describe something unusual or strange. After that it became a derogatory word to describe homosexuals. More recently, I read that the term has been reclaimed by non-heterosexuals as a descriptive word. Queer can now be used (again) to describe homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgendered people. The word queer can also be used to describe those who practice unconventional sex; therefore even heterosexuals can be defined as queer. We MtF crossdressers certainly fit in there somewhere; in fact we are queer by deed AND association. Queer is a self-affirming umbrella term, but it is still considered offensive when used as an epithet...

Queer is the opposite of straight. If you are behaving, acting, or appearing in a manner other than the ordinary, normal, or usual manner, you are queer. If you have a heterosexual orientation but also have unusual sexual or gender identities, philosophies, or habits, you are queer. If you are whimsical, quaint, erratic, eccentric, peculiar, or unique, you are queer. If you insist on putting yourself in an unfavorable position, like a MtF crossdresser in a conservative community (me), you are definitely a resident of Queer Street. Queerness is a state of mind, cultivated for years and years, bursting forth from the soil of normalcy as an open act of revolt. I know I had no say in the matter, being as I am, but rather than run from my own reality I chose to embrace it. Ahhh...

A day doesn’t go by without my sister and I thanking our lucky stars for being different, and thus queer. She only has a toehold in queerness, while I am up to my waist (or beyond) in it. There’s a show on TV called “Nightmare Next Door,” and every time it’s on we laugh together – surely they’re talking about US! Yup – neither one of us is married, nor do we have children, nor do we go to church, nor are we active in the community, nor are we conservative in any way, shape or form. AND, the icing on the cake, I am a tranny, first class! Of course, she has her odd habits, like not being able to prejudge people or voice hatred at certain groups, and this instilled tolerance has shaped me into what I am. Since I came out to her as a crossdresser, her acceptance (and love) was a foregone conclusion, and she adapted to my declaration with casual aplomb. Yes, we are not like everyone else – ain’t it WONDERFUL?!!!

I often describe crossdressers as deviants, because they are deviating from what is considered normal in a group or for a society, another way of saying queer. A deviant wanders away from the common or “right” way, course, or line. In our case the “line” refers to prescribed boundaries that the genders must not cross, lest we veer into queer territory. Since these borders are largely imaginary, and ready to be challenged by intrepid explorers, I see deviancy as a kind of calling that I simply must heed. Am I deviating from the truth? Hardly. In a similar, synonymous way, perversity is akin to deviancy, albeit with certain unfortunate sexual connotations. A pervert, a practitioner of perverseness (according to conformists), turns away from what is considered to be natural or true. Definition, please? In our case, this means you really shouldn’t be wearing women’s panties, or any other type of clothing meant to be worn by the other gender, i.e. sex. It’s “wrong,” you see...

But, never mind, we wear all sorts of female garments and revel in the feelings they produce, becoming more queer with each passing day, as long as your deviancy is willful and not thrust upon you like an unwanted visitor. Some do not wish to be thus afflicted, perhaps taking a lifetime to come to terms with an unwanted moniker like queer, but some of us seek queerness like a butterfly seeks a beautiful flower. Despite these subtle differences, we are all under this queer “umbrella” that society has begrudgingly provided, and words like homosexual, bisexual, and transgendered tend to deflect any incursions into our allotted space (which neatly resembles a corner). Any understanding that may come our way is left at the door, because language can create walls around communities. To this end I like to explore the language we have all agreed upon. I think it’s safe to say that most people dislike the term “queer,” and yet we MtF crossdressers ARE queer, very much so, at least to the world at large...

You can certainly make the argument that queer is an unfortunate term, and, when hurled at one’s semi-passable state from a distance, it can really hurt. BUT, I wouldn’t want to be like that other guy over there (notice I don’t call him a gentleman), pointing the finger at me because I don’t fit his idea of normalcy – that would be like being in shackles, cut off from my beautiful garden of deviancy, and, yes, blessed queerness. I might even have to embrace ugliness just to fit in! Oh, the irony of it all. I’ll tell you, if I had to turn away from color, not cross my legs, not let the breeze hit my knees, not paint my nails, not revel in the sensations of fine hosiery, not hug myself with selected undergarments, not wear cute shoes, not dangle something dainty from my earlobes, not inhale fragrance, not hold back the tide of unwanted hair growth, not clutch my purse, not feel emotion, not dream, not entertain pleasant thoughts, not calm my inner core (incorporated) being, and not turn away from inherent masculinity by letting HER out, well, that would be a VERY queer state indeed...
:sad:

I am most definitely queer, and happy to be so. What is your “take” on the word QUEER? :thinking:

Wife: “What’s on the telly, dear?” Husband: “The queers...” (Quentin Crisp) :doh:

[Thera Home]

Queer-something odd,out of the ordinary
Are we not queer in one way or another, being loving to my wife in public would be queer to some folks, not running with the pack would be queer to the ones running and looking back wondering. I dont call myself queer but many others would definitly say I am.

Just me little two bits
Thera

[Kathi Lake]

Semantics is important. A word that has been co-opted retains that of the co-opter. I much prefer odd.

Kathi

[Cynthia Anne]

Just because it seems queer to you it may not be queer to me! Thus is it queer afterall? My normal may not meet your standards therefore it becomes queer to you! But not to me! Just my way of thinking! Even that may be queer to you! Hugs!

[kimdl93]

As a matter if identity and solidarity, I'm more than happy to acknowledge my queer ness. I am Afterall, a bisexual, which would qualify me for the societal label in itself. Add to that my propensity to dress and present myself as a woma, definately a couple of standard deviations outside the norm.

I will reject any assertion that I'm perverse for being queer...far from it. I don't shower with boys or molest alter boys, prowl around peeking in window nor maximize my bonuses by engaging in corrupt financial practices that disrupt the economy.

[diannecourtney]

FreedieAh the thought of being labeled. It is sooooo soothing, I had to admit to a special person my label and I had to go thru with it with a touch of pride.Freddie, you have done it again and we all certainly are pleased to have you on the queer side. a second thought

[Sophie_C]

The word is dated and leaving the vernacular. While I get your principle, it's LGBT today, not "We're here, we're queer." It's 2012, not 1970. People can be what they want to be without grouping together with everyone who is not heteronormative for safety, even though they're completely different than themselves. Most gay people I know don't even use the word. Time is marching on, thank God. Not meaning to knock you, but it is what it is.

[GBJoker]

To take Freddie's point one step further, since it's what I'm good at.

"You damn queer."

Words by themselves don't matter. How the word is said matters. Try talking to a dog some time. Use a soothing calm vioce and say, "I can't wait to strangle you and then run over you with my car." Then yell at the dog, "I LOVE YOU DOG!" It tends to like the first one and get scared to death of the second one.

Having said that, queer is one of about... 3 or 4 words that truly bug me, no matter how they are said. So... I am most certainly not a queer.

[LeaP]

The word is dated and leaving the vernacular. While I get your principle, it's LGBT today, not "We're here, we're queer." It's 2012, not 1970. People can be what they want to be without grouping together with everyone who is not heteronormative for safety, even though they're completely different than themselves. Most gay people I know don't even use the word. Time is marching on, thank God. Not meaning to knock you, but it is what it is.

Not so. It's back in many contexts: entertainment, politics, academics.

Freddy,

Our taste in lawn furniture is obviously a bit different. You like the big Queer umbrella. While I used to like the big Transgender umbrella, my taste is running more to parasols these days. They come in a wide variety of colors, but I find that those who carry one just like mine are very understanding and tolerant of my tastes. Those who carry those other colors are oddly familiar - after all, very few people carry parasols at all these days, or crowd under umbrellas, for that matter - but different enough that sitting all day long under the same umbrella leaves me looking for more sympatico companions.

[Barbara Ella]

There are many words that must be used carefully, and in context. Hence the need for a discussion worthy of Freddie's insight to fully explain and make the proper point.

Words hurt when used in appropriately. And once used and learned, it is hard to return to the more acceptable useage even if it is still a perfectly good option.

I am a bit queer in what i choose to do. Even i do not associate anything negative with it, it falls outside the accepted norms of our society. i would never say I am a queer, inappropriate usage. I might say I am a queer individualist, again extra context need to be present.

So, I agree that we are an assemblage of queer individualists, but i would truly search for more current usage words that would not require so much concern about getting the supporting context correct.

Barbara

[Wildaboutheels]

Undoubtedly it is to SOME people.

And SOME people will be insulted if you ask them if they are "normal" as if being normal is a bad thing.

A couple of other '"be very careful" words are niggah and ****.Some folks may find them endearing terms coming from certain people and others might shoot you if they could or get you fired for using them.

**** = slu*

[Annaliese2010]

Frederique, your essay is as usual, eloquent and extremely well written. At first I thought you were being satirical, expressing a sort of in-you-face defiance against traditional attitudes and beliefs regarding gender issues which I agree, are outdated and out of place in this day and age.

But as I continued reading I realized you were being literal, really truly accepting adjectives such as queer, deviant and perverse enthusiastically claiming these apply to you and all M2F transgendered individuals. I understand what you are saying and essentially agree with the spirit of your message.

However, personally speaking, I'm not so willing to wear such a badge on my blouse or fly such a flag over my head. Why? Well...because the average person only understands the colloquial meaning or slang connotation of these words not their more general definition so the meaning of your message would be lost to them.

For instance, consider the following dictionary definition:

queer (kwir) adj. 1. Being out of the usual course of events; singular; odd. 2. Of questionable character; open to suspicion. 3. Counterfeit. 4. A homosexual person. 5. Strange, peculiar, eccentric, erratic.

So...to champion the word queer, and proudly proclaim iaccurately describes your essential nature or character (which it does in the higher more general definition of the word) is one thing. But lets face it, most people aren't intellectuals, they will assume definition #4 or at best #5 and therefore completely misunderstand you.

IMO that's borrowing unnecessary trouble and there's already enough of that going on in the world. So I get what you mean but question the wisdom of labeling oneself queer, deviant or perverse simply because of the overriding negative connotation these words convey to the vast majory of people. I don't see any value in it.

Your post is very well written though. :/

182926

[Alice Torn]

I always enjoy your compositions on here, freddy. I do think "different" may also be a good name for us, or at least me, and I was odd, strange, eccentric, different, long before i even tried on my sister, and mom's stuff. Some of us are "different" in more ways than one. But, every human and animal is different, from the others, even if only in a very small way. I don't like the terms "deviant', or "pervert" at all, and sadly, we crossdressers are indeed branded those awful things! I don't think many, if any crossdressers are child molesters, or rapists and murderers. Yet, much of the general public associates us with that, sadly indeed. Pervert connotates sexual deviance, molester, etc. Sadly, we are considered those things. But, lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, having sex outside of marriage, coveting, gambling, and drinking, are NOT condemned as Queer or deviant, or perverse, like CDing is. Queer systems on the odd planet!

[Foxglove]

I appreciate your thoughts, Freddy, but, sorry, "queer" is one word I simply can't get along with. When I was growing up, it was a really nasty word, about the worst that we had. I'd have a hard time applying it to myself, even if it is apt.

I was thinking, if we want a word that expresses "different" or "out of the ordinary", how about "extraordinary"? Straight from the Latin, "extraordinarius", meaning, believe it or not, "out of the ordinary, uncommon, extraordinary". The fact that "extraordinary" implies a bit more than just "out of the ordinary" is fine by me. Imagine someone insulting you by calling you, "You extraordinary so-and-so!"

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Brittany CD]

My take on the word queer is I'm not bothered by it, mainly because I'm rarely offended, but I can see why others wouldn't like it

[sissystephanie]

It really would be nice if the people on this forum could write something without using labels! Yes I am a crossdresser, but does that automatically make me "queer?" I don't think so. It does make me different from most other men!Anyone who calls me "queer" to my face is probably going to get a broken nose!

[Thera Home]

!Anyone who calls me "queer" to my face is probably going to get a broken nose!

Stephanie Luv
There are some word that when spoken with a hateful toungue are like spears through you heart. Kind of useing the word c**t towards women. When these same words when spoken in tenderness they adhere a totally different meaning. But I agree w/ you on the latter part.

I love this guy
:bigsmack:

Thera

[ImAlexis]

...but without the word "queer," how would I describe my $3 bill?

[Thera Home]

...but without the word "queer," how would I describe my $3 bill?

Whoa, Ill give you two bucks for it.

Thera

[Sandy Michaels]

my sister has been calling me queerbo since iv'e known her for other reasons besides my sexuality and dressing. to her i'm just the weird boy that she took in from the cold. she has been so supportive and when i came out to her she was cool with it and said "you'll always be my queerbo, Queerbo" and gave me a big hug.

[Thera Home]

my sister has been calling me queerbo since iv'e known her for other reasons besides my sexuality and dressing. to her i'm just the weird boy that she took in from the cold. she has been so supportive and when i came out to her she was cool with it and said "you'll always be my queerbo, Queerbo" and gave me a big hug.

Now thats a true sister. Youre blessed beyond your imagination. Heck my sister doesnt know my "Fashionalistguy" Alright, alright, my CDing. You have a special bond there, take good care of it my friend

Thera

[Sandy Michaels]

Now thats a true sister. Youre blessed beyond your imagination. Heck my sister doesnt know my "Fashionalistguy" Alright, alright, my CDing. You have a special bond there, take good care of it my friend

Thera

i always do! anytime i'm out shopping and see something that i really want but can't find it in a size that fits me, i get it for her. she is the best. i love her very much, and out of all the people that have taken me in the past. she is the one that i always go to for when i need a hug or a shoulder to cry on. with out her i would be a mess.

[Frédérique]

Semantics is important. A word that has been co-opted retains that of the co-opter. I much prefer odd.

I seem to dabble in semantics quite often, much to everyone’s bitter chagrin...:doh:


I appreciate your thoughts, Freddy, but, sorry, "queer" is one word I simply can't get along with.

Yeah, the word indicates that something, in this case our “approach” to gender boundaries, just isn’t quite right. These boundaries, or constraints, or inherent worship of normalcy, fuels the definitions of what “correct” behavior entails. Being male by birth, I am obliged to seek out the opposite (other) sex for reasons of procreation – I am supposed to be fruitful, multiply, and not question my mysterious accidental existence, even though very little of it makes sense...

Rather than hunt and gather females to “complete” my sexual appetites, I seek to emulate my prey, slow things down, relax, and skip the gender formalities. Needless to say, I am branded QUEER by everyone for even thinking about such abnormal activities. The message is very clear these days – men have to DO something, be it bolster their testosterone, take a blue pill to raise the maypole, or get rid of any unwanted gray hair, all in an effort to stay in the imaginary “game” that passes for meaningful existence. In this ridiculous context, I feel that embracing a fundamentally queer lifestyle (like MtF crossdressing) is akin to heroic adventuring, but few would agree with me...

I’m OK with the word queer. If someone said (about me), “What a GUY!” I’d probably start crying, which happens to be another queer (unmanly) thing to do... :sad:


Anyone who calls me "queer" to my face is probably going to get a broken nose!

I could see your response coming, Stephanie, just like the Red Army could see the Germans coming at the Battle of Kursk back in 1943... :straightface:

If I was confrontational, and if I could actually see you, I would gladly call you queer to your face, because you ARE queer, at least by association. Tell me – would you hit a girl? :heehee:

[KellyJameson]

All non conformists are "queer" if being queer is being "strange" from those who are conformists or pretend to be (which is the same thing).

There seems to be two ways to live, pretend you are not an individual but like every one else (part of the undefined group)

Or stop pretending and risk rejection of those who must still pretend to feel safe and valued.

One path leads to self knowledge & self actualization, the other one keeps you from it.

One aspect of life is solving the problem of "being" in relation to others.

Depending on our own inner strength we either despise individuals or respect them.


"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference" Robert Frost

[Veronica27]

We often hear that language evolves. While this is no doubt true, evolution is a process of continuous change from one state to another state. It is usually relatively slow, gradual and natural depending upon what is evolving. When somebody deliberately brings about a change by an intervention in the natural process, it is not a part of the evolutionary process, unless such intervention is itself natural. For example, a society evolves, but if there is a sudden revolution that overturns all the existing institutions, then the evolutionary process was interrupted, at least in the short term. Over the millenia, such occurances may repeat and in hindsight would be considered to be evolutionary.

The word queer is one which was evolving over time, but that process was interrupted by the co-opting of the word by society to refer to specific situations, rather than the more general meanings, i.e odd, unusual, eccentric, unconventional or some more derogatory meanings. From the Merriam Webster site the following quote illustrates this.


Over the past two decades, an important change has occurred in the use of queer in sense 2d. The older, strongly pejorative use has certainly not vanished, but a use by some gay people and some academics as a neutral or even positive term has established itself. This development is most noticeable in the adjective but is reflected in the corresponding noun as well. The newer use is sometimes taken to be offensive, especially by older gay men who fostered the acceptance of gay in these uses and still have a strong preference for it.

There has been an expanding of this change, as various other sexual or gender oriented causes have joined in by applying it to many within their sub-group. The effect has been to minimize its application to other odd or unusual situations, but this is not strictly evolutionary.

A better example of co-opting of a word was the word gay itself. Many young people today are likely competely unaware of its meaning up until the mid sixties of "carefree, lively, happy, etc." In fact different dictionaries provide completely opposite definitions of the word, because of this co-opting of it by the homosexual community. The Webster site above still lists the primary meaning as described above, while the Oxford site lists homosexual as the primary meaning with all others being "outdated" and seldom used. This has not been evolution, but is an interruption of that process.

Further examples are perverse and deviant which have been given a more derogatory meaning because of forces such as political correctness. All of these words are or can be beautiful words, and in specific circumstances probably apply to most people, at least in their evolved meaning, but not necessarily in the meanings imposed by current PC and activist factions, which have become dominant.

I would like to say I am queer, gay and deviant, as in many things I am, but can I do so without having my intentions completely misconstrued?

Veronica

[Rachel Newark]

A better example of co-opting of a word was the word gay itself. Many young people today are likely competely unaware of its meaning up until the mid sixties of "carefree, lively, happy, etc." In fact different dictionaries provide completely opposite definitions of the word, because of this co-opting of it by the homosexual community. The Webster site above still lists the primary meaning as described above, while the Oxford site lists homosexual as the primary meaning with all others being "outdated" and seldom used. This has not been evolution, but is an interruption of that process.



As an example " I'm gay every morning, at night I'm still the same" Paralyzed, by Elvis.

Were he still alive, I don't think he'd do that one often.

Yes I know " Elvis is not dead, he just went home " K

Hugs

Rachel

[glynnis]

There is nothing queer about me,I am normal.Love to crossdress and have sex with both male and female,prefeable both at the same time.To me thats normal.

[ArleneRaquel]

Just my opinion, but to me queer is a 4 letter word.

[Veronica27]

As an example " I'm gay every morning, at night I'm still the same" Paralyzed, by Elvis.

Were he still alive, I don't think he'd do that one often.

Yes I know " Elvis is not dead, he just went home " K

Hugs

Rachel

Not to mention Stephen Foster's "Old Folks at Home". The second line as originally written was:

"Tis summer, the darkies are gay"

Oops, I did mention it.

Veronica

[Debutante]

Yes we are 'gender-variant' -- pehaps a better term. I don't like 'queer', never have. I understand the LGB community has co-opted that term to turn it around.
Since I live in both worlds, I am not comfortable with it.

[KateSpade83]

Queer is the same as calling me gay and I hate being called gay. I've lost jobs because they called me gay. I'd rather be called "a pretty straight crossdresser."

[April_Ligeia]

I am totally with you on this. I love the word queer and have no problem being or being thought of as queer. I say embrace it.

[Rogina B]

I was part of a busload[jitney] of "queers" last Saturday going and coming from the local Pride Parade in which we participated in. The word "queer"is how one of the TG community members[a well known drag performer] described the group consisting of drag performers,gay males,gay women,TG's[as I identify],etc. So to me,"queer" may be a good word to describe the opposite to "normal",which is a seetting on a washing machine. The problem really is how many people immediately take up negativity when they hear the word queer as many have already said .