There is only ONE reason for anyone to CD.

[Wildaboutheels]

The title is a pretty dumb statement.

Or is it?

Regardless, I think for most of the participants at this Forum, there are a number of reasons.

And many seem to not know or understand ALL the reasons they CD.

Is it POSSIBLE that CDing for some folks might be a "substitute" of some kind for having a real life SO - a GG for most of us? Whether we live with them and/or are married or not?

The plethora of Dating sites would make it "appear" that everybody should be able to find somebody. Appearances can be deceiving.

[BiancaEstrella]

Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies, so I'm wary of anybody saying anything happens for only one reason.

[kimdl93]

I'd completely reject the notion that I CD as a substitute. I personally doubt that the desire to CD is ever so simple as substitution.

As for the plethora of dating sites, the fact that people are available and seeking relationships does not mean that any particular individual is genuinely ready and well equipped to enter into a relationship.

[Alice Torn]

For me, a 58 year old virgin bachelor, I think because of the futility of trying to find a mate for 40 yrs, it is a kind of substitute, for something i have been unable to have. I like what i see in the mirror, and the feel of the lady things on me. It is like being skin close to a lady.

[Laura912]

If one accepts the tenet that just about anything is possible, then the answer to your question is yes. However, for me, the answer is no. The reason for me is much deeper to an almost primeval level.

[Brynn_A]

Okay. I crossdress..for me. I enjoy the company of men. That is me and in no way encompasses the CD community. Having visitted many dating sites, most men do not accept me for who I am, rather they wish for me to bend to thier perception of me.

[Diana Bain]

" crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies"

Finally, the true reason why LOL:devil:

[Stephanie47]

I may not know the reason why I enjoy cross dressing, but, it surely isn't because of that reason.



Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies, so I'm wary of anybody saying anything happens for only one reason.

I can only suspect the person with whom you were chatting has the homicidal tendencies towards sexual minorities. I suspect cross dressers and homosexuals are deviants to that person, and, is not saying homosexuals are Ok, but, cross dressers are deviating from the homosexual community.

[Lorileah]

in the same way that video games substitute for actually joining the military?

I would date me if I could but I know I wouldn't want to marry me.

[Alice B]

Not for me. I dress simply because I get great enjoyment from exposing my female side. It has nothing to do wth my wife or any other female I know.

[Kate Simmons]

I do it to express my femininity Hon. I haven't had too many complaints regarding that lately, especially from my new BF.:battingeyelashes::)

[Karren H]

You can say anything you want since no one really knows why for sure... But to project that you want a girlfriend so bad and can't get one so you become your own girlfriend?? Lmao.

[Persephone]

Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies, so I'm wary of anybody saying anything happens for only one reason.Finally, the true reason why LOL:devil:

Wow! And all this time I thought that was a description of Shakes the Clown! I had no idea it was supposed to be me!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[sissystephanie]

I dress enfemme simply because I like to, and there is no other reason!! As long as I am decently covered, my clothing is my business, and only my business!! You can believe all that othr garbage if you want to, but I don't!!

[UNDERDRESSER]

I think that there are some of us who dress as a "substitute", but I feel they are a minority.

I think I fall into that category, but I'm not trying to substitute for a GF, but more the thrill of having a GF? If that makes sense? If i had a GF who would dress for me, i.e. lingerie, stylish look etc, I suspect that the desire to dress, or underdress, would be vastly reduced. I'd still prefer to wear panties though, I can't afford the mens underwear that would feel as good.

I do have a strong feminine side though, this is something that I've come to realize in the last few years. That had me wondering if I was gay for a while. CDing is partly, a reflection of that, but it mostly comes from the kinky part of my male side. The feminine part shows more in my attitude to people, women in particular. I'm very, attracted to strong, intelligent females, unfortunately they tend to be stronger, ( mentally and emotionally ) than I am, which makes me less attractive to them, social conditioning is strong.

[Foxglove]

Is it POSSIBLE that CDing for some folks might be a "substitute" of some kind for having a real life SO - a GG for most of us? Whether we live with them and/or are married or not?



Given that I started the whole game at around the age of four, I don't think so.


Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies, so I'm wary of anybody saying anything happens for only one reason.

This sounds much more plausible. Or perhaps we're so confused we can't decide whether we want to have an Oedipus or Electra complex.

[Mistybtm]

The title is a pretty dumb statement.

Or is it?

Regardless, I think for most of the participants at this Forum, there are a number of reasons.

And many seem to not know or understand ALL the reasons they CD.

Is it POSSIBLE that CDing for some folks might be a "substitute" of some kind for having a real life SO - a GG for most of us? Whether we live with them and/or are married or not?

The plethora of Dating sites would make it "appear" that everybody should be able to find somebody. Appearances can be deceiving.

I sent you A private IM explaning , But for myself I think this is more true for me than I would like to admit.

[Babeba]

I have to tell ya, if I believed that to be true I would not be going out with a CDer. It is too much to suggest that a cross dresser in a relationship is looking to substitute for not having a GG in his life.

Also, many CDers who seem to believe this - that the urge goes away when they marry - come here years later when the urge is back. Worse, their wives discover this with no warning and end up on here...

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't think so. For me it's more of a Épater la bourgeoisie thing. It's my own particular expression of Dada - especially my makeup techniques.
:heehee:

[Rebeccarabbit]

I thought I was a CD when I was younger, but having a now understanding partner, my understanding has changed and because of what I went through earlier on in life......the CD'ing was only an action, or performance.......the feelings I have are deeper.......one thing I have never done is restricted my ability to explore who I am and why I do it.......we all evolve, never set something in stone :D

[Cynthia Anne]

I've always said that if I can't be with the woman of my dreams then I'll be the woman of my dreams! But I know for a fact there are no subtitutes in my life! If there were what was I subtituting for at the age of four!?????????????????? Hugs!

[Wildaboutheels]

"And many seem to not know or understand ALL the reasons they CD."

REASONS. ^^^ Plural.

Would it have made any difference had I asked, "Do you think you might spend less time CDing IF you had a SO"?

[Foxglove]

Would it have made any difference had I asked, "Do you think you might spend less time CDing IF you had a SO"?

Yes, it would make a big difference. It's a completely different question.

[chris80]

I met my SO nearly 50 years ago. I spend as much time as possible crossdressed fully, within her presence. Even more so now that I have retired. The CD urge never went away at any time.

'Is it POSSIBLE that CDing for some folks might be a "substitute" of some kind for having a real life SO - a GG for most of us? '

More likely a subtitute for not being a GG ourselves, in some cases.

[UNDERDRESSER]

"And many seem to not know or understand ALL the reasons they CD."

REASONS. ^^^ Plural.

Would it have made any difference had I asked, "Do you think you might spend less time CDing IF you had a SO"?I think I answered that, but just to reiterate.....

Probably, it's mostly a fetish thing. I plan to tell the girl I'm chasing now if successful, I think, she won't be put off by it. She has some training in Psychology, and I would not be surprised if she wanted to explore the reasons behind it. She has a great need to figure stuff out. She is broad minded enough that I think she would be open to experimentation, and it would be part of her attitude that she would want to find out what drives her man, she will not leave that kind of thing unanswered. I could be wrong, and the taste of it is not to her liking. ( hope not )

So, in this case,, if it comes to pass, the drive might subside some, but I might end up taking it further.

[Eryn]

Is it POSSIBLE that CDing for some folks might be a "substitute" of some kind for having a real life SO...

For some folks perhaps, but I was married for 20+ years before I started actively CDing. I'll therefore have to look elsewhere for the answer to the Eternal Question.

[ReineD]

Would it have made any difference had I asked, "Do you think you might spend less time CDing IF you had a SO"?

I can't tell you how many posts I've read from CDers who've said they also thought they dressed because they didn't have a SO in their lives, until they discovered after they'd been in the relationship for awhile that the desire to CD always came back.

Honestly I think the thrill we all experience (CDs, non-CDs, & GGs) when we're in new relationships or newly in love is akin to euphoria, or at least it was for me. Every time I saw my SO or talked to her in the first few years, my heart went pit-a-pat. It makes sense that some CDers who feel this way might believe as if they no longer need to feel the euphoric feeling that comes from dressing, so they stop for awhile (if they haven't accepted themselves to the point of sharing this with a SO). Many members have said they've stopped dressing for a few years after the beginning of a relationship.

... but then relationships mature and go into phase 2, as they all do. The deep feelings are there, but the particular "thrill" that comes with new love will have abated. That's when the need to CD starts up again, for the CDers who had put the dressing aside for awhile. The reasons for dressing are internal, not because someone is not in a relationship.

:2c:

[kimdl93]

Same dancers in the same old shoes,
You get too careful with the steps you choose,
You don't care about winning ,
but you don't want to lose...

Name that tune ;)

[Michaela42]

Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies, so I'm wary of anybody saying anything happens for only one reason.

Wow! Sounds to me like someone has been watching too many bad movies :)

[Kaz]

I can't tell you how many posts I've read from CDers who've said they also thought they dressed because they didn't have a SO in their lives, until they discovered after they'd been in the relationship for awhile that the desire to CD always came back.

Honestly I think the thrill we all experience (CDs, non-CDs, & GGs) when we're in new relationships or newly in love is akin to euphoria, or at least it was for me. Every time I saw my SO or talked to her in the first few years, my heart went pit-a-pat. It makes sense that some CDers who feel this way might believe as if they no longer need to feel the euphoric feeling that comes from dressing, so they stop for awhile (if they haven't accepted themselves to the point of sharing this with a SO). Many members have said they've stopped dressing for a few years after the beginning of a relationship.

... but then relationships mature and go into phase 2, as they all do. The deep feelings are there, but the particular "thrill" that comes with new love will have abated. That's when the need to CD starts up again, for the CDers who had put the dressing aside for awhile. The reasons for dressing are internal, not because someone is not in a relationship.

:2c:

In my teens and University years I dabbled with CD thinking it was exploration and yes, I did this more when I didn't have a 'steady' girl-friend (GF). My first serious GF I gave up dressing... then went to Uni and it was always there, but subsiding in times of great girl activity and coming back at others. I always saw it as an alternative means of 'exploration'... I never realised what was really going on!

In my marriage of 'umpteen' years, I have dressed more in the 'downturns', but I didn't really start getting a handle on this until maybe ten - twelve years ago when it started to bite hard... Ironically I was at my most sexually active ever (heterosexually)... so there was now no link with no SO at all... or lack of sex...

This may be a short term reason for experimentation, but if it persists it comes from within...

[toni_62]

There are so many Pyschological reasons that might drive me to crossdress. I think I do try to mimic when dressed the kind of women I find attractive. I also like looking at myself while dressed. It's far more than creating my ideal woman though. It's projecting by an outward appearence what I feel inside, not just what I would like to have but have not found in a real GG.

If the above was the main or only reason for crossdressing, then all crossdressers would be content to crossdress only in private and not want to ever leave the house or interact with anyone. I think if all CD's only wanted to crossdress in private and cared nothing for interacting with others the theory of creating in yourself what you cant find IRL might be be valid.

[Alice Torn]

Reine, and Toni made me think a lot. I see where i would still have the urge to dress, even if i had a SO. Maybe not as much.

[Karinsamatha]

in the same way that video games substitute for actually joining the military?

I would date me if I could but I know I wouldn't want to marry me.

I've said that about the male me, who is now merging and allowing me to become a whole woman.

[Jamsey]

Originally Posted by Lorileah

I would date me if I could but I know I wouldn't want to marry me.


Right on sister!

[TeresaL]

It's all about the illusion. Unlike our SO, we command and are in charge of the replicated female that we create. In our mind's eye, she takes on an amazing sense of beauty. So we want to see her again and again as we gain greater skill in our artistry of making her what we want her to be. We become attached and may even fall in love with her -- ouch!

This is our hologram, and we become so dependent on her that we never want to forsake her. Yet she is us. We cannot part.

ADDENDUM: BTW, the first reason to cross dress is because we are born with it. Multitudes of reasons fall into place behind that reason including substitutions. Me thinks anyway.

[reb.femme]

Well, on Parachat the other day I was told that crossdressers are latent homosexual deviants looking for the short-term thrill and are masking homicidal tendencies

I'll kill anyone who accuses me of that! :heehee:
Or maybe not, just give me that short-term thrill.....now, now!

Rebecca x

[reb.femme]

In all seriousness, I do love a one-size fits all description, that in reality fits no-one.

Married for so many years, same girl since my early teens, I most certainly do not substitute in any way.
I just love being femme.........oh, full stop! :o

[KellyJameson]

Is there only one reason for anything?

Is life not layered into a hierarchy of reasons compelled by wants and within these wants some are necessary to support physical life and others to give a reason to make the effort to sustain life. (a reason to have a reason)

Everything is a relationship between pleasure and pain but each must define what is pleasure and what is pain for and to them.

No one thing can be substituted for another because each is unique so no two experiences are exactly the same even if we treat them as such.

If someone substitutes CDing for a personal relationship than there was no relationship only the illusion of a relationship.

People do this in countless ways, with the television, affairs with other people, escape into addiction but the actual problem is two people forcing themselves on each other instead of choosing to be together, the absence of freedom kills love because love is a gift not a contract.

If someone CD's to fulfill the need for a relationship than is this not like having a pet as a companion but instead you use yourself.

If so this could actually protect the person from entering into a relationship with the wrong person and for the wrong reasons and so protect the other person they may
enter into a relationship with.

Cding will not cure loneliness but it may buy you a temporary reprieve but only by learning how to be a part of life will satisfaction with life be possible.

There are as many ways to have relationships with others as there are people.

[UNDERDRESSER]

because love is a gift not a contract
...............................................

There are as many ways to have relationships with others as there are people.Some lovely words there..............

[JenniferR771]

Reine and Teresa, I think you are right. We are born with it. Like being left handed. It just happens. True, it subsides a bit during courting and early years of marriage--but then it comes back. In the mature years we need a bit more intense experience to get the same thrill we got when we were young.

I thought it would disappear foreveer as soon as I got married. It didn't work out that way.