Maybe Some Help For Those Having Problems

[Jorja]

Some reoccurring themes here within the forums are “I can’t find a job because I am in transition or I have transitioned”. “I am afraid to go out because someone might read me”. “I am confused and want the torment to stop”. There are several more but I will leave you to search the archives on your own for them if you would like.

Yes, we are different from most males and females in this world. We have the need to become what we clearly are not on the outside. We face persecution at every step for it. It is not something we chose to do just because it can be done. It is who we are and there is no choice for us. It must be done.

So how can Andy convince everyone he is really Jill with minimal problems? There are a thousand different ways I guess. Many times those ways become confusing even to us let alone those we are trying to convince. Seeing as how we are all different, what we need is a “marketing plan” designed just for us. Knowing how to market yourself is not only useful for those who have their own business. This skill is essential in a lot of different areas of your life. Each person has skills in some area of life, and if you do not know what your skills are, you may end up selling yourself short. You should keep in mind that there are thousands of other people in the world that are in exactly the same place that you are, trans or not. It is a good idea for you to make a list of all of your strengths because it is much easier to see if you write it on paper. You’re selling yourself and YOUR personality, so be different. Market yourself as authentic you. Like people. Smile. Care. Listen. Learn. Share. In the process you’ll find that opportunity to promote yourself but what people will remember is YOU. THE golden rule for life: Always treat people the way you would like to be treated. You will never get people to really like you for who you are if you are never really YOU in front of them.

[Carole Cross]

For those who are afraid of being read if they go out it is inevitable at some point even if you do look convincing as a woman. It is not just about looks, it is how you move, your mannerisms and the most likely thing to out you is your voice. Confidence is also a key factor of being read or not and the only way to gain confidence is by going out and mingling with the general public. It is scary yes, I was absolutley petrified when I stepped out of the door for the very first time but you have to be brave, especially if you want to transition or are comtemplating it.

My lack of confidence stopped me from transitioning for over 25 years even though I knew from a very early age that I was trans but eventually the need was too great to resist anymore. It certainly held me back career wise but now I am starting to make some headway and I am more confident now that I have ever been. I still get read occasionally but I ignore it if anyone laughs or makes a comment, their opinion means nothing to me. Sometimes it does get to me but not for very long, I know I am doing the right thing and they are not going to stop me. This is the sort of attitude you have to adopt, just hold your head high and get out there.
You only have one life, why waste it by not being your true self?

[arbon]

Thank you for sharing this jorja :) I rally appreciate your advice and being here

[MC-lite]

IMHO, what -many- TGirls fail to do is to be honest with regards to their looks. If you still look masculine, wearing outlandisly feminine clothing will only bring you ridicule and possibly problems with transphobes. This works against you, in that the bad experience stays with you and can inhibit you from being comfortable in your transition.

Start slow. Take your time. Don't rush it. You'll know that it's time to start dressing more feminine when your female friends say things to you like "I don't know why you don't dress more like a girl! You look so pretty!". (It's been said to me. :) )

With that said, choose your wardrobe carefully. Initially, wear denims or slacks and plain tops. -Every- stitch of clothing that I have is female. I have boyfriend tees, denims, comfortable sneakers, all female. :) Most people won't know the difference, but you'll feel good because you know that you're dressed as a woman. Some women will notice. The women that are comfortable with TSes will befriend you, and possibly invite you to go shopping with them. And shopping with GGirls is a rite of passage that -every- TGirl should get to go through. Women are polar opposites of men when it comes to shopping. We look for sales, we browse, we talk. It's as much a social event as it is a utilitarian excursion. Be patient. Suppress your masculine urge to grab what you need and run. :)

Eventually, your breasts will grow enough to warrant wearing a bra. (well...most of you will) I suggest that you start with sports bras, because they're very comfortable and your breasts will hurt as they grow. Not to mention that a sports bra blends right into a white tee shirt. (Almost unnoticeable)

Eventually, you'll need a bra fitting. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to go into the fitting room, and look up at the sign above the door that said "Women Only" :)

Once again, keep it simple. Try to resist the urge to go with the real lacy stuff or bras that do not fit you current figure. Don't buy a bullet bra or those vintage bras with pointy cups. You'll only look silly.

Hopefully, some of the other more experienced women here can also share insights on things that jam up beginning TSes.

Best,
:Miki.

[Jorja]

I had a reply all wrote up and was proof reading it when poof…. down went the internet. I will try to recreate it the best I can recall.

@carole cross – I do agree confidence is important to our success. We build that confidence by getting out there and mingling with the public. Try small short excursions at first. Take a drive, go for a walk and build on that. Challenge yourself to take one step further next time. Soon you will be coming and going without hesitation. I also agree that yes, we are going to be read from time to time. Simply look them square in the eye and smile. Do not get into a confrontation and blow your cool. Let the other person look like an ass. Simply keep on moving on your way and act like you own the place. Do not allow one jerk to ruin your experience. You will soon learn there is at least one jerk in every crowd. This will build your confidence even more.

@arbon – You are welcome. I have lived as a woman for a long time. I might as well share what I have learned over the years.

@ Michala Joy – I agree. Start slow. Take your time. Don't rush it. Also remember, what you wear to the club doesn’t work at the mall. Dress like any other female and fit in not stand out.