It's Getting Harder to Hide

[Nikki A.]

A bit background. I'm widowed with two kids. For the last two years I've had both of my kids away at college and I've been able to dress home and venture out as Nikki whenever I felt the mood to.
My son just graduated and got a job near home and has moved back home. I thought that I could throttle back and still keep quiet about it. However after 3 months I find that I'm frustrated in not being able to express my fem side. I miss wearing a decidedly fem top or skirt and I can't go all out in that he'd be home either coming in or out.
Personally I think he'd not be too bad if he knew, but all of his friend are comfortable and do spend time at my house and I don't want to make him or them uncomfortable. Obviously I wouldn't dress in front of them but s**t happens. As far as my daughter goes, I don't think she'd care (I think she has an idea) but she still has a year or two before she's done.
Sorry if I rambled. But basically my question is do I come out to one or both or just keep my mouth shut and limit my dressing to the one day off I have while he's at work and make sure that I'm cleaned up when he gets home.

[Kate Simmons]

Tough call Hon. Historically when I was on midnight shift (I worked 7 day rotating shifts for years) it was my opportunity to dress as my wife would be gone during the day so I could sleep. Well, I didn't sleep but it was my free dressing time around the house (without much sleep). Sometimes I even went as far as taping myself en femme dancing to songs. Other opportunities came when everyone was sleeping(or I thought they were) and I was on my long weekend. I use to go to the basement, get dressed and made up full bore and go out the basement door to go around driving at night. A few times my wife (who knew) asked me the next day where I went. I would tell her just driving around and she knew it was en femme but didn't want to know anything. I did actually walk on the street some and came a "stone's throw" from going into a gay bar that used to be on Main St. but always chickened out back then.Those were exciting days but I'm happier to openly be myself these days. You would have to decide what's best for you and your children, as with most of us, it's not just about us but we have to consider our loved ones.:)

[Cheryl T]

Son has graduated and lives at home....Kick him to the curb and show him the real world.... lol...just kidding.
If you are stifled...and you are paying/paid for their educations....tell them. If the son objects...well, it's your home...love it or leave it.

[Cynthia Anne]

It is a hard call! But perhaps Cheryl is right! You should live your life as you see fit and not as your grown children desire! best wishes on your decision!

[Chickhe]

This halloween, dress up fully and let them all see you. Just make it enjoyable for them and so if you ever get caught in the future you just say its something fun to do... they won't be socked after seeing you the first time and you can judge by their reactions how far you can go with them.

[bridgetta]

Dude. Dont tell anyone, it will totally ruin your life, i

[Foxglove]

Hi, Nikki! I was in a similar situation recently, and I know how frustrating it can be. My problem was solved when my son got a job quite some distance away.

Up until recently you've had a lot of freedom to dress, and all of a sudden it's gone. That would be particularly frustrating. I think the main question is, How great a need do you have to dress? You've mentioned your frustration, so your need must be pretty great.

I think the options are (1) You just accept the current situation; (2) you come out to your kids and they accept your dressing, or (3) they move out. It's hard to see any other solution. Of course, if your kids accept you but stay at home, then there's the problem of their friends. Are they going to accept you, or are they going to stay away--and is it really any of their business anyway?

What a lot of people wouldn't understand would be how you could envision wanting your kids to leave so that you could dress. It would take a TG person to understand that. As much as I love my son, it was a relief for me when he was gone. I don't think he would have wanted to be around me when I was dressed--the proof being that I did come out to him about a month ago, and he hasn't said a word about TGism since. He hasn't disowned me, but I think he simply doesn't want to know about it.

You've got the same problem coming out to your kids as you have with coming out to anybody: you just don't know how they're going to react. If they don't react well, they could be especially resentful of the fact that they feel they have to move out just so that you can dress. At the end of the day it's your call since only you know them.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Nikki A.]

Chikhe,
as a matter of fact the halloween before last he stopped in to my job on his way home from school and I was all dressed as Mimi. I asked him what going on he goes not much but it seems things have changed while I've been gone. I wore the same outfit the next night for a party we were both invited to ( I did ask if he minded and he said go for it). Now it's one thing for Halloween and another the other days of the year.
Cheryl
He's got a job, paying some of the bills and honestly I enjoy my kids and their friends. I'm finally seeing a return on his education lol
Annabelle
I don't care if I can't dress all the time, but I do feel that I need to have the option to come & go when I need to. In general I am still closeted close to home

[Alice B]

Maybe it's time to follow a line that the good witch sings in the Wizard of Oz. "Come out, come out, whever you are" I think your kids would understand and accept and you could make arrangements to not put them in an awkard spot. They are adults, as are you.

[Sally24]

If your kids end up staying close by for the rest of your life you will face a similar problem. If this is important to you ask yourself this...what are the chances of them finding out accidentally? That's not the way you want it to go down! You probably want to consider telling them. Both my grown children know and are ok with it.

[AllieSF]

You love your son and now you get to enjoy his presence as an adult for awhile, hopefully a short while! Do like I did when my son moved back in with me after I had started dressing and going out a lot. I would prep my outfits, jewelry, etc. when I was home alone. Then the day I was going out, everything was moved into my messy bathroom. It is large and I always have shirts hanging on towel bars to be ironed and hanging on the back of my bathroom door. Messy is my camouflage system! I would then take my shower and put on my foundation makeup, dress completely without the forms, jewelry, wig. Then I would put baggy pants and shirt over all that, buttoning up the shirt a bit higher so no undergarments showed, and walk out to my car a take off. I was lucky because my son spent most of his time watching TV in hos room and we hardly ever crossed paths on my way out the door. In my car I would have in a bag, my wig, jewelry. I would drive to a quiet parking lot to finish up the makeup using the car mirror, remove the male clothes, which then went into a bag to serve as my emergency male clothes for, if and when needed situations. I would reverse the process when I got home, removing all my makeup and putting the baggy clothes back on. Sometimes I would do a complete removal of the female clothes first. This worked fine for me for about 3 years and I never got caught by my son, and I got out more and more. Good luck.

[reb.femme]

You would have to decide what's best for you and your children, as with most of us, it's not just about us but we have to consider our loved ones.:)

Don't you just hate it when someone comes up with exactly what you wanted to say? :)

Seriously though, our first consideration is the protection of our families. If your son is living at home now, how long before you get busted? So maybe honesty is the best policy, but only you can truly know that answer. Such that we can predict the reaction when faced with such a 'bunker buster' of a confession. Can never avoid a good military analogy but unfortunately, I think it very apt.

Rebecca x

[Lorileah]

Seems to me that when they graduate college, you no longer need to work THAT hard to "protect" them. Honestly, they are on your dime. They are "adults" if you raised them correctly. Do you think a crossdresser is the worst thing they saw in college?

This doesn't mean just jump out of the closet and yell "surprise!" You have already said he saw you dressed for Halloween. Now consider a bad scenario. Somehow you cannot go home for weeks or months or maybe forever. Your son is deemed the one to handle your affairs. Don't you think he would appreciate it if you told him BEFORE he somehow found out on his own? I can see not telling an 8 year old because they would 10 tell the whole neighborhood and 2) they would be targets for bullies. But a college grad? If he doesn't like it I guess he can go rent an apartment of his very own.

[Nikki A.]

Allie
Thats what I used to do early on even when it was just me so that the neighbors wouldn't know. Then I said the hell with it.
Lori
You do make a very valid point

I guess it should be said and put on the table. I may decide to wait till my daughter is home for a bit next month so that I can tell them both

[bobbie c]

agree with cheryi and lorileah...time is now...and don't think they don't have some idea.put it in its proper perspective and they will appreciate that. as far as friends...of course be discreet common sense....good luck and congrats on the fact they made it to college

[Eryn]

I have a similar situation, with daughters home from college for the summer. CDing is curtailed and I have to sneak about a bit more than I'd like.

I think that your issue is not so much your son and daughter, but their friends. If you cannot be sure that your son and daughter would respect your privacy then you'll have to assume that everybody will know. Proceed cautiously.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, Sounds as though the empy nester just got renested.

[Joann Smith]

I am kinda in the same boat ..I have a girl and two boys ....none live at home but they always come over unannounced ... The girl is is ok with it so I do not concern myself about how i am dressed when she comes by....But the boys I do not be dressed enfemme when they come around... I am fairly certain that they have seen me enfemme or a pic or two of me at least because i really do not do a whole lot to hide it in my own house. As far as telling them ...forget it...not gonna do it... they grow...and I am grown...and that seem too much like I am asking thier permission to do me... I was this way long before they were born so it is what it is...On the other hand i am mindful that we are talking young men and they still look to me as thier father for guidiance in life.....so i try to keep the mini skirts and heels to a minimumn round the boys..(My fear is it might be a bit too confusing for them to handle at this point in thier lifes..IE young and still full of piss and vinager)...At least untill i fell that they are on track well enough as to not need a man boot in thier backside anymore...

[Nikki A.]

Eryn
Well it's my son's friends who hang out, my daughter never really sees any friends when she is here. As far as discression I trust them both and they are both good kids.
I know I need to tell them, but they are the hardest for me to tell. I think part of my fear is once I come out to them, there is no one that I fear finding out and I'm kind of afraid with no limits, how much more would I push the limits. But then thats fodder for another post lol

[Brenda79135]

I guess I am the oposite of the norm. I want my kid out of the house. I feel that it is my house, my rules. This means no friends over without first clearing it through me or wife. He maybe staying with you, but he should take into consideration that it is your house, not his. Things will change when he gets serious about a girl. 'DAD' will just start to cramp his style and he move out just have a place to call his own. As for telling him, this will propably speed up the 'move out phase' quicker.
My daughter married last year and we still can seem to shake her. I keep telling her, 'How can I miss you if you won't go away?'

[Kaz]

Two choices:

1) Tell them and work through the issues (there will be loads given their ages - not one but both - they will discuss)
2) Accept that this is a temporary situation, accept the immediate 'desert' and plan for the future...

Both have potentially very different consequences... work them through and then choose the option that works best for you....

[jillleanne]

This is something only you can decide. There needs to be a balance in any household enviroment so you need to decide what is needed to find that balance and every household is different. I'd try the old fishing trick, " hey son, we were talking at work the other day about what if a son or daughter found out that their dad was tg? How would the son react? I told them............." At least this way you would get a feel for what's to come.

[Nikki A.]

Brenda
I felt the same way, but it got awfully quiet when it was just me. I know he'll eventually go on his own, but for now it gives him a chance to make a dent in his student loans and sock a little cash away. I'm lucky, he's in a field that he'll be recruited to move to other companies and make goood money with some experience.
Although it's my son that is at home & not my daughter. I think she'd be a bit more understanding, although a bit unpredictable (like her mom lol) and I feel that she'd be the one I'd like to bounce it off first. She also watches the shows that could segue into the conversation. She's also close to her brother and might give me a pretty good read on his reactions. He is pretty mellow but
She has a year to a year and a half before she'll probably graduate and unless she doesn't find a job I don't see her moving back due to the field that she's going for has very few options nearby. So I know the nest will probably be empty down the road again

[Brenda79135]

The desire to help your offspring is very great. I have the same feeling time and again. It is hard to see them struggle through life when you can just do a little and make a difference. There is a way around this though. You might be able to partition part of your house off to make an apartment for him that would give you some privite space and still let him stay at your house. Making temp walls is easy and inexpensive and can control the traiffic thru your house to give you what you need.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in the camp of suggesting he vacate the premises. Sounds like your house may become the party house. This isn't high school anymore. I had the same problem with my son until I asked him for rent. Then, he decided to move out. I would have asked for rent sooner. You may want to instill a sense of financial responsibility. Ask him for an adequate amount of rent so he gets the true picture of life. You can squirrel the rent money away, and, give it to him later so he can put down a security/cleaning deposit on his own place. I found, if one does not require the kid to pay rent, the kid will fritter it away on good times.

I also would not out myself to my child unless there was absolutely no option. My privacy is paramount. I'm sure he and his friends would be somewhat uncomfortable, and, your secret will not be so secret anymore. You may as well take a classified ad out in the newspaper.

[MsJanessa]

Son has graduated and lives at home....Kick him to the curb and show him the real world.... lol...just kidding.
If you are stifled...and you are paying/paid for their educations....tell them. If the son objects...well, it's your home...love it or leave it.

Actually, if you could afford to spot him the last months rent and security deposit on an apartment, that might be the way to go---if he asks why, tell him you want to date and you need the house to entertain girlfriends, yours not his-not really a lie---you are the girlfriend you want to entertain.

[Voulez-Vous]

But basically my question is do I come out to one or both or just keep my mouth shut and limit my dressing to the one day off I have while he's at work and make sure that I'm cleaned up when he gets home.

IMHO, you just keep your mouth shut and limit your dressing to the one day off you have.
Do you control the cd-ing or does the cd-ing control you?


Maybe it's time to follow a line that the good witch sings in the Wizard of Oz. "Come out, come out, whever you are" I think your kids would understand and accept and you could make arrangements to not put them in an awkard spot. They are adults, as are you.

Bad idea.

[Maria 60]

Welcome to my life, but be happy you had a few years to yourself. Both my children are in college close to home and it's hard to dress not knowing how much time you really have, anyone can come walking through that door at any second. If you think there going to be Ok with it i am sure you can make a deal for some alone time.

[JamieQ]

I guess I am the oposite of the norm. I want my kid out of the house. I feel that it is my house, my rules. This means no friends over without first clearing it through me or wife. He maybe staying with you, but he should take into consideration that it is your house, not his. Things will change when he gets serious about a girl. 'DAD' will just start to cramp his style and he move out just have a place to call his own. As for telling him, this will propably speed up the 'move out phase' quicker.
My daughter married last year and we still can seem to shake her. I keep telling her, 'How can I miss you if you won't go away?'

I am kind of the same way. I like an empty "quiet" house, but daughter is home alot more than usual. I am very limited to CD now...can not hardly wait
to get things out and start again... Amanda