Being given the brush off

[sandra-leigh]

I was Brushed Off this afternoon -- but why?

There is a small condo a few doors from me, that the owners pride themselves on keeping nicely, paying attention to their flowers and their grounds. Oh yes, and one of the units was recently sold.

Early this afternoon as I passed by, I saw a woman I did not immediately recognize tending to the roses. I called out a greeting to her from the side of the yard; she glanced over at me and turned back to the roses. I ambled over to chit-chat and admire the flowers. I remarked on the roses, and she agreed that they were doing well, and turned back to her cutting. I was then close enough to realize that I had not seen her around before, so I gave my male name and where I lived; she said "Hello ____"... and turned back to snipping the roses. I asked, "Ah, so you must be the new tenants?"; she replied "Not moved in yet" (you'd think words were expensive), and kept cutting. I said "Ah, that explains why I haven't seen you around before." She kept cutting. Having by that time figured that she didn't care to chat, I excused myself and wandered off; she didn't say goodbye.

As I wondered away, before I had left the condo's yard, I realized that I was dressed in one of my (simple) skirts, with something that can only be a woman's top, and as usual my hair is pretty long; and that with that top it was even odds as to whether my development would be interpreted as a "bust" or not.

And as I headed to my own house, I chuckled (cackled?) and remarked (to myself!), "They didn't warn you that you'd be living right near a Trans person, did they?! Well, I was here first!" :heehee:

But looking back at it now, maybe it wasn't because I'm obviously, publicly, and so casually Trans: maybe she just couldn't stand my lilac-colored socks. :eek:

[Michelle James]

I had a similar experience. The house directly across the street was recently sold. As I drove in my drive the other day the new neighbor (the lady of the house) came over and scared the crap out of me. When I opened my car door, shazzam there she was. She said hi my name is Michelle. I said mine too! She said she was my new neighbor and just wanted to meet. She then quickly headed for the safety of her home. I guess she wasn't ready for me. Since then I have seen her out and waved, but so far no response. Oh well, I guess we won't be having coffee and exchanging recipes. LOL

[ReineD]

I'm looking forward to a day when gender and sexual non-conformity, or variance, or non-heteronormative gender (however you want to call it) will be understood, accepted, and supported.

I don't know if this will ever happen in our lifetimes.

In the meantime, we can hardly blame those who have not had the benefit of an education about this. Certainly this woman cannot source her current level of knowledge and understanding from the plethora of transsexuals, transgenders, and crossdressers that she grew up with, went to school with, worked with, and who were and are her friends and family.

She can only source her information from the bias promulgated by certain institutions, namely some of the religions, the lore handed down from one generation to the next that is possibly influenced by said religions, and the media that is influenced by popular opinion. And the current inadequacies of our laws.

There's no point getting angry with her. Thankfully not everyone is like her and had you been my neighbor I would have cut a rose and offered it to you as a gift.

In the meantime we can work on changing the laws and also what we teach our children in the classroom.

[MC-lite]

But looking back at it now, maybe it wasn't because I'm obviously, publicly, and so casually Trans: maybe she just couldn't stand my lilac-colored socks

Or maybe She was just having a bad day. My mother likes to work in the garden when she wants to take her mind off of her problems.

If it's important for you to make friends with Her, then try again tomorrow.

See what that brings.

[sandra-leigh]

Or maybe She was just having a bad day.

Quite right. And some people just aren't neighborly "on demand", only in their own time and place. And maybe she really was pre-occupied with the roses, with the act of gardening. It wasn't until after I'd left that I even realized that it might be related to my presentation. There was not The Look Up And Down and The Sniff.

It did occur to me afterwards, though, that few gardeners can resist the urge to talk about gardening. :)



In the meantime we can work on changing the laws and also what we teach our children in the classroom.

My favorite way to "change people" is just to continue to be myself. A wave and a hello, don't hide, don't make excuses, and walk unconcerned down the sidewalk with bags of groceries. It is, I find, hard for people be afraid of someone carrying a quart of milk and a bulk package of bathroom tissue.

[Jorja]

Just keep acknowledging her everytime you see her. Like Michala Joy said, maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe she just isn't very neighborly. Maybe once she sees lightning bolts aren't going to strike her down for talking to a trans person, she will engage in conversation.

[sandra-leigh]

Well, a few minutes ago I walked by and she was out watering. I waved, she waved back, and it looked to me as if she was smiling. So who knows?

And maybe it's because this time I wasn't wearing the lilac socks :heehee:

[Kathryn Martin]

Maybe she just didn't know how to react the first time around. and then of course there were the lilac socks. And given that women check your over (much more subtle then guys ever would) and form an opinion about your clothing choices, that she smiled and waved is great
Well, a few minutes ago I walked by and she was out watering. I waved, she waved back, and it looked to me as if she was smiling. So who knows?

And maybe it's because this time I wasn't wearing the lilac socks :heehee:

[Linda Stockings]

I would agree with giving her some time. When I've had new neighbors, or moved in somewhere, I tend to wonder who will be having the loud, latenight parties, who may have drug buyers stopping in, etc. And it's usually an unnecessary concern. Happily, I have overwhelmingly found the vast majority are great people, and they tend never to forget any of the times I offered to help them with ANYTHING, no matter how small. I bet she'll come around.

[ReineD]

My favorite way to "change people" is just to continue to be myself. A wave and a hello, don't hide, don't make excuses, and walk unconcerned down the sidewalk with bags of groceries.

That too! :)
...................

[melissaK]

Yep. Them socks would leave me speechless too. ;^)

Hugs
Lissa

[sandra-leigh]

Yep. Them socks would leave me speechless too. ;^)


Reminds me about the old Starkist commercials with Charlie the Tuna and his good taste :-)

But lilac socks rate a professional photo-shoot (http://the-dazed.blogspot.ca/2012/05/lilac-socks-and-busy-schedules.html)!

[TerryTerri]

Lilac Socks! The root of all evil!! Now we know!!!!

[Traci Elizabeth]

So I am scratching my head as to why in "tar-nation" did you give her your male name?

[sandra-leigh]

So I am scratching my head as to why in "tar-nation" did you give her your male name?

It's what everyone in the neighborhood knows me by, and it comes automatically.

The LGBT community knows me by Sandra, but not many other people do, so I only get called Sandra in person about twice a month.

My wife somehow "can't" remember the name Sandra.

My job (25 years with the same boss) just ended 3 days ago, so I'm not accustomed to being able to choose my daily name.

The last two years at work were very much "Don't rock the boat; try to last long enough to be given termination pay". (I'm not the only one: three other people told me they had been just holding out for the payout. The problem was definitely not our immediate co-workers; the levels far far above us were making life miserable.)

[PretzelGirl]

I will go with it being something to work on. I have had neighbors that never wanted to talk (as I look to the house to my left). And many times that was without loud noises, parties, gender ambiguities, etc. I like that you are continuing to try. It is how we make the world a better place. Whether you succeed or not after trying is not on you then.

[arbon]

How do you know that she is not just really shy and does not like much social interaction?

[kimdl93]

It was definitely the socks.