Great news from my wife!

[Bree Wagner]

I've written a few times about the challenges my wife has had with my crossdressing. She's generally OK with the clothes and sort of with the makeup, but the wig was an absolute non-starter. She just couldn't look at me in it. With that, she still encouraged me to go out and have fun, but all along I've had the hope that someday she'd be willing to go out with me. Now, it looks like that may be a possibility and even in the relatively near future!

What changed for her? I'm not totally sure, but it may be a a few things. Maybe it's just been time and things are becoming a bit more 'normal' for her. She also said that I wasn't playing fair by meeting interesting people that she would also like to meet.

My wife was recently out of town for two weeks with my daughter. While there she got to hear about my trip out with a friend (here) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?176749-Heat-What-heat-I-ve-got-better-things-to-do!&highlight=) and my one unpleasant outing (here) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?177007-Sent-Scurrying-Home&highlight=) and was very supportive. She got back just in time for my regular monthly night out last night. She was helping me with one of the more difficult aspects of getting ready (shaving my back :puke:) when she said that she'd like to go out and meet some people with me. I said "With me dressed?" When she said "Yes" my jaw just about hit the floor. She also said she want's to do it soon since it'll be a lot more difficult after the new baby arrives in September and she'd rather get it over with soon so she doesn't give herself more excuses to put it off.

After discussing that we wouldn't want to set something up with others and have her lose her nerve at the last moment when she sees the wig go on she made another surprising suggestion. She said I should just try and get home early from work on a day when my daughter is in school and dress up for her! Sounds great and I can't wait!

I love my wife! :lovestruck: What a big change. We'll see how it goes.

[Barbara Ella]

Just a most wonderful development Bree. There is hope if one can just stay the course and not intimidate the wife along the way. At least that is my hope, and I am so happy to see how it has worked for you. Keep us posted.

Barbara

[Kate Simmons]

Sounds good to me Bree.:thumbsup::)

[Jolene Robertson]

:thumbsup:Bree, Thats great news. It is so wonderful to have that kind of support from a spouse. I hope all goes well, as someone once said something like this anyway "one small step for some one giant step for Bree".

Hugs Jolene

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bree , I'm so happy for you please keep us advised.

[MsEva]

Bree, almost cried! So happy for you!!

[Cynthia Anne]

My goodness Bree you put a smile on my face! I love good news! Thank you!:)

[Dana921]

Great news! It is much more fun to have your partner share this with you! Have my fingers crossed hoping for the best.

[Rachel Morley]

My wife has said to me that for some women crossdressing is a bit like eating a new food ... you gotta taste it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it.

I think that your wife seeing you dressed more often can only be a good thing as I think gradually she will become accustomed to your new look. I say "new look" as my wife has also told me that a lot of women don't see their partner dressed as "a woman" or "someone different" it's just the same person they know and love underneath the "disguise" and it takes a bit of getting used to .... initially. :2c:

[stacycoral]

Bree, girl i happy for you, and being down in Colorado there is so much for you two girls to go do,have a great time and tell us about it when you can, hugs

[deebra]

DON'T DRESSUP IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER. She'll loose all respect for you and it'll be in her mind forever. This is something not to be done around your children regardless of their age. Once you've done it you can't take it back. Be her father and let her be proud of you, not ashamed and confused. I saw your recent picture when you went shopping and honestly you did look like a man in a cheap wig. Not trying to be hurtful, just giving you the honest truth.

[BRANDYJ]

Bree, that's great news! You have a keeper. I know you appreciate her and her love.

[Sophia Claire]

that is great! When I hear "I just need time..." to me it feels like she means "This will never be okay, but I'll pretend as long as I can." It's great to hear that's not the case! I'm very happy for you!

[Bree Wagner]

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. I'm glad I could put a smile on some other faces, but you'd better believe the biggest one was on mine! I'll certainly post updates as things develop and certainly how it goes if/when we go out.


that is great! When I hear "I just need time..." to me it feels like she means "This will never be okay, but I'll pretend as long as I can." It's great to hear that's not the case! I'm very happy for you!

I was certainly worried that "I need time" could have easily been many, many more years if it ever happened at all. It's just one example, and one that makes me very happy, but apparently some people do just need time. If we could figure out how much time that is when its first said I'm sure we'd all be rich because that kind of psychic power would be bound to have many other great uses!


There is hope if one can just stay the course and not intimidate the wife along the way. At least that is my hope, and I am so happy to see how it has worked for you. Keep us posted.


It has been a long time of staying the course. You're right that intimidation is not the way to go. Just lots of talk, and maybe a little (my wife would say a lot) of gentle prodding. :heehee:


I hope all goes well, as someone once said something like this anyway "one small step for some one giant step for Bree".

I couldn't agree more. While I know others have been in this position before and maybe it wasn't such a big deal, for me it's HUGE and over 12 years in the making. The first ten were really on me though.


DON'T DRESSUP IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER. She'll loose all respect for you and it'll be in her mind forever. This is something not to be done around your children regardless of their age. Once you've done it you can't take it back. Be her father and let her be proud of you, not ashamed and confused. I saw your recent picture when you went shopping and honestly you did look like a man in a cheap wig. Not trying to be hurtful, just giving you the honest truth.

I gotta say this upset me quite a bit. This is absolutely not about my daughter, it's about my wife and I. Also, it certainly doesn't matter AT ALL what I look like or how well I blend in.

/Begin Vent
While I don't have plans to tell my daughter(s), if I ever need to (or have to) I have no doubt whatsoever that she wouldn't react the way you think. I expect to have a loving, meaningful, non-judgmental and completely respectful relationship with my children for life. It is my top priority in life to pass those values on to them and give them every opportunity they could desire.

I'd also never presume to tell another parent how to raise their children, especially in absolutes. I'd give advice, or relate similar situations, if asked but unsolicited statements of "Thou Shalt..." are very unlikely to be helpful or received well. I'm of a firm conviction that a parent knows (or certainly should) know their child and what may be best for them far better than anyone else.
/End Vent

[PretzelGirl]

It has been a long time of staying the course. You're right that intimidation is not the way to go. Just lots of talk, and maybe a little (my wife would say a lot) of gentle prodding. :heehee:

That is great news Bree. I suspect the above has a lot to do with it. Working with our wives while they learn and discover their feelings has a much more positive impact than trying to get things to happen right away (in my opinion anyway). I hope the trips out a enjoyable for you both!

[Joann Smith]

DON'T DRESSUP IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER. She'll loose all respect for you and it'll be in her mind forever. This is something not to be done around your children regardless of their age. Once you've done it you can't take it back. Be her father and let her be proud of you, not ashamed and confused. I saw your recent picture when you went shopping and honestly you did look like a man in a cheap wig. Not trying to be hurtful, just giving you the honest truth.


:rofl:....This is your truth ..not everybodys !

[Stephanie47]

I am totally envious that (1) you have a supportive wife (2) she assists in your cross dressing (3) she wants to see you totally en femme, and (4) she wants to go out with you. You are extremely lucky. Hold that wonderful woman close to you forever.

[Marleena]

Congrats Bree! It's always nice to see an SO being supportive and accepting. Life just got better for you.:)

[Jenniferathome]

Bree, your wife is, indeed, showing tremendous courage and love for you. Great for you both! Now, this may not be a change of permanence. It could be simple curiosity and some basic acclimation to your crossdressing. Enjoy your time but try not to press for permanent changes just yet.

[Jenniferathome]

DON'T DRESSUP IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER. She'll loose all respect for you and it'll be in her mind forever. This is something not to be done around your children regardless of their age.

Deebra, I have to inform you that your argument is not supported by any scientific studies of children. In fact, all studies show that young children easily adjust to differences that their partents show, such as being gay, full transition, etc. and the younger the easier it is for them. Now, they can not keep a secret so they will out you but your "respect" comment is off base. Older kids could have that reaction but that would be based entirely on how they were raised. If raised to show tolerance, respect will not be an issue.

[Beverley Sims]

You really need to test the waters before coming out to your daughter.
REMEMBER! she probably has you on apedestal and holds the image of her father in high esteem.
Don't destroy that!

[Jessica86]

DON'T DRESSUP IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER. She'll loose all respect for you and it'll be in her mind forever. This is something not to be done around your children regardless of their age. Once you've done it you can't take it back. Be her father and let her be proud of you, not ashamed and confused. I saw your recent picture when you went shopping and honestly you did look like a man in a cheap wig. Not trying to be hurtful, just giving you the honest truth.

In my eyes, if you hide something, that just makes you a liar. That would feed the stereotype that most guys are cheaters, liars, and disrespectful. I'd rather tell my kids early. Also, Bree is beautiful! I have no idea what you are talking about. If she looks like you say, I have no chance at ever going out (which I do). Bree, don't let words like these hurt you. I'm happy for you! I always think you look good, and you need to keep it up! Cheers!

[linda allen]

Bree, that's great news and I am happy for you. I am following in your footsteps but pretty far behind. I dress in front of my wife and we shop together, but so far, no wig, no forms, and no shoes. I underdress in a bra and panties most of the time when we're out in public together. I don't fully dress in public (I have in the past when she was away, but that's a different story).

You are making good progress. :heehee:

As for dressing in front of your children, I wouldn't do it, but you are the best judge of your own situation so read all the (conflicting) advice, then make your own decision after discussing it with your wife.

Personally, I think that's a heavy burden to place on a child.

[kristinacd55]

Good luck with it Bree....hope it's another positive step for you! My wife's been out with me 4 or 5 times, and usually we have a mostly positive experience.

Oh, the part about dressing in front of your daughter.....I'll tell you my experience. My 2 daughters have known (26 & 21) for a year now and have no desire to see me dressed. Will that change? Perhaps in the future, but for the most part they want me as Dad, not Mom #2 lol. Everyone's experience is different, so in time it'll all work out for you and I'm sure you'll do the right thing concerning that issue.

[JenniferR771]

Bree,
I think you look good, passable anywhere. And my daughters know. (age 30 and 35). They are Ok with the idea. The younger--more liberal one--is a bit more relaxed, if I want to talk about cding with her. So far they have not wanted to borrow any of my clothes or wigs--but I am hoping it will happen someday.

My wife is still rather negative, a bit domineering, perhaps a bit homophobic and this has spilled over to me, and my cd tendencies.

[kimdl93]

Bree, this is great. I'm glad to see your wife's attitudes evolving. It speaks well for both of you. As your experience suggests, it seems thatif you let things take their own course, and continue to fulfill your responsibilities within your relationship, that you can anticipate ever growing acceptance. As for your child - Deebra's comments may reflect her experience but are in no way representative. We've seen many illustrations, on this site, of kids who are very loving and supportive of their CDing parents.

[deebra]

I stand by what I said and appreciate the others that agreed with me. CD'ing is not "the norm" in our society or accepted by our society, everyone in this forum should know that. Go back and look at Bree"s picture when she was outed by a woman coming out of the dressing room, the woman recognized her as a man and the picture she posted clearly shows a man in a cheap wig. Bree should get some professional help with makeup and a wig that fits her face. Now to Jenniferathome, you recently wrote a thread that said no matter how good we think and convince ourselves that we are passable women; we aren't. You also said smething to the effect that upclose and talking 99 out of 100 don't pass, and I think your thread was honest,true and right on the money. I think Bree has convinced herself she is passable and to lay this misconseption on young children is wrong, wrong wrong.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Very lucky you, make sure you treat her to a new outfit :)

[Bree Wagner]

Well, a huge "Thank You" to all of you who understood what this post was about. It's all been about a huge step in the relationship between my wife and I and the part that crossdressing plays in it. My wife has done an amazing and totally selfless thing completely for me. I will love her forever.

In fact, she took another step for me today. I'll put it up in a new thread.

This is not about my ability to pass, what I look like, telling children, or the relationship I have with my daughter. I've expounded on these things in plenty of other threads and I'm sure I'll continue to do so. I'd consider these topics closed in this thread.

All the best,
Bree

[Jessica86]

I stand by what I said and appreciate the others that agreed with me. CD'ing is not "the norm" in our society or accepted by our society, everyone in this forum should know that. Go back and look at Bree"s picture when she was outed by a woman coming out of the dressing room, the woman recognized her as a man and the picture she posted clearly shows a man in a cheap wig. Bree should get some professional help with makeup and a wig that fits her face. Now to Jenniferathome, you recently wrote a thread that said no matter how good we think and convince ourselves that we are passable women; we aren't. You also said smething to the effect that upclose and talking 99 out of 100 don't pass, and I think your thread was honest,true and right on the money. I think Bree has convinced herself she is passable and to lay this misconseption on young children is wrong, wrong wrong.

Crossdressing isn't about passing. Period. It's about loving who you are and not living a life of secrecy due to people who voice their opinion poorly like yourself. It is scientifically proven healthier for the kids to find out at an early age. This thread is about good news. Don't rain on someone's sunny day. You know what I see when I look at the pic you are talking about? I see a beautiful sister of mine. It doesn't matter if someone is only wearing a dress. Again, beauty has many forms. I"m proud of what the OP has accomplished and hope she continues. Leave her alone if you don't have anything good to say.

[ReineD]

What changed for her? I'm not totally sure, but it may be a a few things. Maybe it's just been time and things are becoming a bit more 'normal' for her. She also said that I wasn't playing fair by meeting interesting people that she would also like to meet.

I love my wife! :lovestruck: What a big change. We'll see how it goes.

Congratulations!

I'm guessing that she wants to be involved because she is beginning to see how important it is for you (more than just a hobby), and she wants to understand it. I'm also guessing that she wants to know who you're with when you go out dressed. I know that I very much wanted to know in the beginning as well.

If she has been reluctant to see you in a wig so far, then you might want to suggest that she join this forum to join FAB. She might appreciate talking to other SO's whose husband crossdress.

[linda allen]

Crossdressing isn't about passing. Period.

I don't think anyone can say what crossdressing is about or isn't about because the definition changes depending on the person doing the defining. What is crossdressing for me may not be crossdressing for you and vice versa. And then there are the thousands of other people with their own definitions.

BTW: For me, crossdressing is about passing. Looking and acting like a female. Being seen by those who don't know otherwise as a female. But, that's just my definition for me.

[morgan51]

I'm so Happy for you Bree congrats on the big change ,acceptance is wonderful and very difficult for some wives. You are one fortunate Girl!