Tips for crossdressing (starter here)

[alexisariel]

Hello all,

The subject is really a bad explanation. I am not really a starter becuase i have been CDing since i was 10. I am now 19 years old. However, i have been doing it in secrecy for 9 years nearly 10 years. I finally got the courage to tell my girlfriend of 2 years and she was very opposed to it at first, however she is now more accepting. She lets me wear some of my clothes to sleep, but not others. Currently she is letting me wear my thong, leggings, and cami to bed. She refuses to let me use the bra because she doesnt fully understand why i do it.

I tried to get her to read the book (My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From the Perspective of a Wife) from recommendation from another forum. Well this made the situation pretty bad because she doesnt know if she will be able to deal with me actually leaving the house dressed and going by a girl name. However, we are working on it.

What i really need here is recommendations on where to shop for clothes, wether or not to tell any of my familly about it, the secrets to going out without being found out, and where i can find a size 11 male heels.

I can also use any advice and/or recommendations that you may have.

Lastly, i am stuck between two names as my username says. I either want to go as Alexis or as Ariel. The reason being is that Alex is my real first name and my middle name believe it or not is Ariel.

Please help me out girls.

[Kate Simmons]

It's tempting to try and do a lot at once but you can't really quench your thirst by drinking from a fire hydrant. I suggest starting with the basics as you obviously have a good relationship with your GF. Discuss the feelings of both of you and how they relate to this aspect of yourself. There is a plethora of advice on anything and everything CD related in this Forum. Feel free to jump into any discussion and do a Forum search for specific topics you are looking for. After 10 posts you can PM individual members with questions or comments. We are a big family here Hon, welcome.:battingeyelashes::)

[Rachel Morley]

What i really need here is recommendations on where to shop for clothes, wether or not to tell any of my familly about it, the secrets to going out without being found out, and where i can find a size 11 male heels.
I shop for clothes in several places. If you are new to all of this, and you don't know what looks good on you, I would recommend not spending a ton of money. What I did (and still occasionally do) is buy clothes from Goodwill. If you go to a Goodwill near a more affluent area of town you can find some really nice stuff and rock bottom prices. Then if you don't like it or it looks wrong on you, you haven't lost a lot of money. I also recommend looking at the sale racks in stores like JC Penney, Kohls, & Dress Barn. Discount places like Ross can also be good too.

As to whether to tell your family or not , that's a tough one that only you can determine as only you know your family best. In my own case, I have only told my wife. None of immediate family knows and that's the way I want it to stay.

"Secrets to going out without being found out" ... this one is almost impossible to quantify as every person is different. Some people are gonna stand out no matter what they do. Others can make changes that help them "blend in" ... but pretty much, no matter what you do, everyone is going to get read sooner or later.

I can't answer the shoe question as I only take a US womens size 8 and therefore don't have any experience in buying larger sized shoes.

Just relax, take one step at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Work with your girlfriend and remember to consider her feelings as well as your own in all of this.

[Callum2000]

People will generally be opposed to it to begin with when they don't understand it that well. After time, and some help from you and the internet...she might come to understand it more and turn out to be your new bestie when it comes to shopping! but it just depends on the person's I suppose. As for shoes, where do you live? If you live in the US, I say try Payless Shoes, they have a large selection of heels in US size 11 and up to size 16 I believe if you live in the UK, there are a lot of websites that sell nice shoes in larger sizes.

[Karren H]

On a positive note...... She is just your girlfriend. Not your wife.

[girlinside]

ditto on payless. i buy my womens size 12 heels in store and get asked if i want the insole cushions to make them feel better and i say im good for now. they are ver fun and ive seen up to size 13 in store in womens shoes. best of luck with your shoe hunt.

[Sophia Claire]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums!


She lets me wear some of my clothes to sleep, but not others. Currently she is letting me wear my thong, leggings, and cami to bed. She refuses to let me use the bra because she doesnt fully understand why i do it.

I don't know very many women who would consider wearing a bra to bed, so that one's not too hard to explain. God, that would really hurt in the morning!


I tried to get her to read the book (My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From the Perspective of a Wife) from recommendation from another forum. Well this made the situation pretty bad because she doesnt know if she will be able to deal with me actually leaving the house dressed and going by a girl name. However, we are working on it.

As hard as it is, try to look at it from her perspective. Would you be okay with her dressed like a lumberjack sporting a bald spot and a mustache out in public? It's really pretty much the same thing.


What i really need here is recommendations on where to shop for clothes, wether or not to tell any of my familly about it, the secrets to going out without being found out, and where i can find a size 11 male heels.

This really depends on your taste in clothes and your size. I'm a bigger girl than average, so I can shop at Wal-mart and find some decent stuff there on the cheap. I rarely buy full outfits at one place, and that keeps the cost down a little bit. I've gotten items from White House Black Market (although they really don't cater to girls my size), Sears, JC Penny, and Target. Don't buy anything unless you're sure you'll love it. As for heels, I find myself in the same predicament. I did find a pair at Target, but they were the only pair and I got them home and then looked at my wardrobe and realized that they don't match anything I own except for one outfit. Take your time and save your money. Make smart purchases. Slow and steady wins the race, as they say.

No one can help you out with the 'should I tell my parents' quandary. That's one you have to solve on your own. I can never tell my parents. It would destroy them, and a little bit of knowledge about a son they see twice a year is not worth their happiness. Maybe your parents are more understanding. Who knows?

As for not being found out, here's what I recommend: I don't know how sharp an observer you are, but I would work on it. Go out into places (in drab, I'd recommend) and just watch women move. Watch how they walk. Take detailed mental notes. Try to envision the way her bones are moving. When you get home, try to emulate it. Watch yourself in a mirror. Be aware of what your body is doing. You might even video tape yourself and compare it to videos of GGs walking. A manly walk is one of the fastest ways to give yourself away. Obviously, your voice is another. Same thing applies here. Listen very carefully and attempt to emulate. Record yourself! The reason it's important to do this is 'cognitive (self-presentation) bias.' Basically, if you listen to yourself or you look at yourself long enough, you will believe (whether it's true or not) that you are doing just fine. An example of this is singing in the car. I know for a fact that my singing voice is unpleasant to the ear. But because I've dealt with it for so long, I think I'm a freakin' virtuosa. Until I hear myself after the fact. Bleh... Anyway, the point is that by recording yourself doing these things, you eliminate the self-presentation bias. Another way is to get a GG that you trust (and that knows about you) to give notes. Preferably not your girlfriend, since she's not entirely comfortable with this whole thing.

THIS WILL TAKE TIME AND YOU WILL NOT GET IT RIGHT THE FIRST DOZEN TIMES! Don't get discouraged. Nine people out of ten who make you aren't going to care, or aren't going to raise a fuss, anyway. And the one that does is, in this really sick kind of way, kind of flattering because the truth of the matter is that he (it's almost always a 'he') was attracted to you AND THEN realized that you were not a GG. 'Course, this is flattering well after the fact, since dudes making a fuss about you always carries an element of danger with it.

The name is a tough one. This is a personal choice. My name is what I would have named my daughters, but when I saw myself dressed up completely the first time, I knew. I felt that the woman looking back at me was Sophia. It was very natural. Personally, I would go with Alexis, just because I like that name, but also because it's more common.

Anyway, good luck with your girlfriend!

Hugs,
Sophia

P.S. I find that subtlety is the most feminine characteristic of them all, and it's the one that we, in our desire to pass, frequently fail to emulate. Boob size is one. Don't go straight for the quadruple D breast forms. That's too much. I got 38Cs and I feel like they're too much. I'm going to downgrade to a middle B, pretty soon. Walking is another one. Women have an easy sway to their walk. Key word: easy. Don't go throwing around your rear like you're wielding a war hammer in the Battle of Badon Hill! Less is more.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Hello all,
I tried to get her to read the book (My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From the Perspective of a Wife) from recommendation from another forum. Well this made the situation pretty bad because she doesnt know if she will be able to deal with me actually leaving the house dressed and going by a girl name. However, we are working on it.


That was a good choice for your girlfriend to read. I would remind her though, that just because some choose to leave the house dressed, does not mean that everyone that dresses as to. You may or many not want to go out dressed, it is up to you of course, but whether you do or do not is perfectly fine. Not everyone does, and not everyone has to (and not everyone should for that matter.)

As for telling your family, it is difficult to say. Is there a chance of accidental discovery on their part? How do you believe they will react? If in doubt, you probably shouldn't; remember, you can't un-tell someone and it might color their view of you.

[joanna4]

I like that your sn comes out to be "Alex is Ariel":)

[reb.femme]

Well this made the situation pretty bad because she doesnt know if she will be able to deal with me actually leaving the house dressed and going by a girl name. However, we are working on it.
Lastly, i am stuck between two names as my username says. I either want to go as Alexis or as Ariel. The reason being is that Alex is my real first name and my middle name believe it or not is Ariel.

Hi Alexis,

Just with my UK tuppence worth (that's about 3 cents worth so I'm spoiling you), why not choose a name that is totally different from your homme nomenclature. This French stuff is really clever isn't it? :)

Names are like uniforms to me. I take my suit off at the end of the working day, that way mind and body know that it is done for that side of the day. Equally, my femme name is way, way different to my stock biblical names. Not religious, just a product of the century I was born in....unfortunately.

Slowly, slowly with your better half too. That you have a level of acceptance is to be nurtured, hopefully, it progresses to more :battingeyelashes:.

And god, must you mention your age? I've got undies older than that....blah blah!

Rebecca x

[reb.femme]

Karren Hutton - On a positive note...... She is just your girlfriend. Not your wife.

Ooooh! Good shout. :)
Harsh but true. Always keep the nuclear option in reserve.

[Karren H]

Karren Hutton - On a positive note...... She is just your girlfriend. Not your wife.

Ooooh! Good shout. :)
Harsh but true. Always keep the nuclear option in reserve.

Since she already knows ..... I liken it to mutually assured destruction!

[RADER]

First; Welcome to the forum.
Where to shop?
Well if you are of an average size, try Wall-Mart, Target, Penney's, Kohl's.
If you are larger, go to the Romans, Layne Bryant etc.
You can go on line to see what they have and get sizing information.
Rader

[cassandra54]

Well let me put my two cents in.

1. My limit on heels is about 2 1/2 inches. Any more than that I think I would hurt myself.
2. If you are going to wear breast forms, then buy bras that will accommodate them. I's spent money on bras before I had them. It was a waste of money.
3. Even if you buy less, buy good quality and most important, clothes that fit right.
4. While we're on the subject of fitting, remember having a style of dress that fits your personality and your body is important. It may be on sale, but it's no bargain if you don't ever wear it.
5. Makeup takes a long time to master. Don't get frustrated.

Beyond that, find your way, welcome to the forum and have fun.

[ChelseyD]

Generally, for a closed toe woman's shoe you should add 2 to you man's size. For open toe shoes add 1 to your man's size. That should give you a starting point. So your size 11 men's shoe would be a 13 women's closed toe shoe.

[JenniferR771]

I shop mostly at thrift stores and Goodwill. I am very cheap. I seldom wear a dress more than once or twice. And if you get the wrong size--no great loss. And the fun part is...once you get up the nerve. I tell the girls I am a crossdresser. Starting with the nicest clerk first. They are usually helpful, and accomodating. You can try on whatever you want. Now, when I show up, they say, "Hi Jennifer! Looking for anything special today?"(and sometimes) " Did you see those red heels over there? You can wear a size 10, right?"
And I wear women's shoes one size larger than my man's size--sometimes the same size. I usually take them into the fitting room to try them on.

[Lady Panda]

Hello all,

The subject is really a bad explanation. I am not really a starter becuase i have been CDing since i was 10. I am now 19 years old. However, i have been doing it in secrecy for 9 years nearly 10 years. I finally got the courage to tell my girlfriend of 2 years and she was very opposed to it at first, however she is now more accepting. She lets me wear some of my clothes to sleep, but not others. Currently she is letting me wear my thong, leggings, and cami to bed. She refuses to let me use the bra because she doesnt fully understand why i do it.

I tried to get her to read the book (My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing From the Perspective of a Wife) from recommendation from another forum. Well this made the situation pretty bad because she doesnt know if she will be able to deal with me actually leaving the house dressed and going by a girl name. However, we are working on it.

What i really need here is recommendations on where to shop for clothes, wether or not to tell any of my familly about it, the secrets to going out without being found out, and where i can find a size 11 male heels.

I can also use any advice and/or recommendations that you may have.

Please help me out girls.

Hello there alexisariel,
As for the "going to bed with a bra on issue w your GF ...just to let you know most GGs hate to go to bed with a bra on ...the reason is we wear one all day it gets sore...and frankly sleeping ith one on especially w/ underwire (i'm fairly endowed, must have underwire) is very uncomfortable. So that is why she can't understand. I recently had to wear one for a short time due to piercings and had to figure something else out to sleep comfortably. Maybe if you let her her know that for YOU it is not uncomfortable but quite the opposite and tell her that it is essential for you to relax and "let your hair down" so to speak she may begin to understand. Just to leyt you know ...the most important thing is to be honest and talk...be open she may not like the answers but she will appreciate that you respect her and it also lets her know that you care how she feels. The best thing you can do for both your piece if mind is to give her the information so she know what to expect so she can handle it. That in turn will return the respect and the caring.


About going out.... if you choose to finally go out ...ask her to come along ...go to a place where there is no chance of people you know running into the both of you. I know that if it were me.... and my SO wanted to go out in Femme I want to go along not only for support but for my own peace of mind. I am currently tossing around the idea to find out if my SO has a femme name. ont know if she has one yet. trying to wait for the right time to bring it up.

As for shoes.....1 word AMAZON they have the most amazing shoes!!!! (on the internet) I buy them there for me and my SO gets his too! you can shop discreetly and if they don't fit or work out they allow you to return usually if they are not worn outside , scuffed up, or damaged. if you are mens size 11 then you will need a size 13....if you have wide feet in mens you will either need to get womens wide width or 1 size lager especially for pointy toed shoes. If you wear a mens size 9 then you will need womans size 11.... I used to work in shoe store many eons ago...

To learn to walk in heels....even some of us (GG) ladies still have some diffaculty with that especially with higher heels ( 5in+) best advice practice, practice, practice. and more practice.

***GG secret trainig for high heel walking i've shared it with my SO too! when you wear heels....picture yourself standing tall and straight with a string pulling you all the way up nice and tall ...don't look down too much it will throw you off balance....One other tip learn to walk with a book on your head with out it falling off. Start this bare foot then when you have mastered it, then progress to low high heels then progress to your desired heel height. My Mom used to make me do this... taught me beautiful posture. Most importan feel SEXY....Sexy isn't looks. it is a feeling about yourself...sexy begins from within. ******

I have daughters and that is how I taught them.....I have one daughter that runs around in 6 inch heels all the time and she has an amazing walk. posture is an important factor in sexy walks. Also women walk with their legs closer together. The "boys" may be a bit uncomfortable at first but when they get used to it ...the results will be AMAZING. If you want ...people watching at the mall is also a way to learn ...watch the girls as they walk by...see how they carry theselves. Notice their strides.. a little shorter than the guys. The sway of their hips.


Sorry this is quite a bit of info ...but I think it was helpful. Just wanting to be supportive. Hey im 45 yrs old and am a Mom ...Moms are always a bit long winded and very thorough.

Hugs !!!! Hope it was helpful!!!!

[Eryn]

Everybody is talking about clothes, but I want to talk about your name. You have a golden opportunity here.

Practically, if you go out eventually you will want some ID and a credit card in your femme name to make shopping easier.

You have an ideal situation with your femme name as your middle name!

A credit card company will likely have no problem with issuing a card with your middle name and last name.

For your driver's license, you can place an orange "Organ Donor" sticker strategically over your first name since it is short.

http://www.apa.org/Images/2011-12-organ-donation_tcm7-127078.jpg

It will still have an "M", but that is not terribly evident! Wear an androgynous wig for the photo and it'll work in both modes! The beauty is that you can't be accused of altering the license at all because the use of organ donor stickers on drivers' licenses is encouraged by the state!

Give it some thought! :)