I DARE you to read this

[Frédérique]

This quote, I mean:

“What kind of man would live where there is no daring? I don’t believe in taking foolish chances, but nothing can be accomplished without taking any chance at all.” (Charles A. Lindbergh)

Do you agree? Speaking as a male by birth, genetic boy, or whatever, I wish to state that (for some of us) MtF crossdressing is a very daring enterprise that requires risk taking on a scale most men cannot or will not imagine. If you’re like me, you’re definitely trying to accomplish something, like turn concepts about gender upside-down, or derive pleasure from forbidden sources, not to mention experiment with one’s inherent masculinity. I don’t HAVE to do this, rather I WANT to do it, because I can, and it makes perfect sense to me…

A man wearing a dress – this takes courage! You have to face, oppose, and defy everything that you have learned, everything you’ve been told, and everything you will come up against in your personal quest for happiness. In essence, you’re challenging yourself, in a rather masculine way, to go someplace forbidden – are you fearless enough to wear panties, wear a wig, and paint your nails? Are you bold enough to step over the un-crossable line society has placed before you? Are you intrepid in your endeavor, not shrinking away from the dangers and bullies that lurk around every corner? More importantly, have you made up your mind to be resolute in your adopted queerness, and suffer the slings and arrows of those who look down on you, both in the RW and within the community? This is a work in progress, but you need to be determined…

Of course, you may or may not be a daredevil – boldness walks hand-in-hand with foolhardiness, you know. Do you take calculated risks, or are you reckless? I see myself as adventurous, but also very cautious, taking measured steps into the unknown. It’s too bad that scaling the heights of gender-variance is akin to climbing Everest, but that’s the kind of challenge many of us males are facing when we don the “wrong” clothes. Why do such a seemingly nonsensical thing? For me, it came about in the form of a “calling,” a tacit acknowledgement that tactile sensation is beautiful, along with the attendant feelings that occur naturally. Carrying on from that first awakening, I began my bold quest away from M and towards F – I knew I would always return to base camp, but I would not, or could not, ever be comfortable as a drab adventure-less soul…

Much like Lindbergh and his solo flight, I go it alone – I am solitary by nature, but I couldn’t find or enjoy true happiness without the continuing support of other pilgrims & peers. I take wing, using all the effeminacy I can muster, and I attempt to span the gulf between the genders. The ultimate destination may be less important than the journey itself – for some, this is an excellent reason to crossdress, and, at the end of the day I’m pleased to say I have a smile on my face. This is what happens when you DARE yourself to do something that others can’t even imagine, let alone make happen. Do you think that MtF crossdressing requires courage, bravery, resolve, fearlessness, determination, and unwavering purpose? I dare say you’re right…

I’d like to close with this topically important quote:


Some Stared, Some Laughed, and Some Made Fun of Me. But I Don't Care! The thing is, though, that this was not unexpected. Rationally, even though I had yet to experience a negative reaction from another, and given that I am increasing my exposure in the public arena, I knew such attacks would eventually occur. And in as much as I have anticipated such an occurrence, I thought that would take the sting out of it all. It did not. The attacks hurt. The attacks saddened me. But the attacks did nothing to lessen my resolve and dedication.

Amen! :clap:

[Beverley Sims]

Frederique I read nearly all your posts.
A dare is a challenge and most will pick up a challenge if they are adventurous, Dressing is a challenge but not necessarily a dare.
Because a dare requires a lot of bravery.... Hmmmm.
I think I will go now I am digging a deep hole for myself.
I will have to read your post again so as I can reply to it more coherently.....:)

[Mollyanne]

I read and re-read your post three times in order to reply in a conscripted and logical manner. In many ways you are correct in theory but in practicality I (I can not speak for others) find that when I am dressed I do it for myself and not so much as to be the "Crusader" for "gender bending". I like becoming the woman I should have been born in the first place, I like to feel like a woman when "she" starts to dress, I LOVE to see the "finished product" staring back at me. There have been many times when I have not gone outside the confines of my own home not for the fear of being discovered or ridicule but I simply just wanted to feel feminine. I don't think that a challenge or a dare had anything to do with how I feel. THE ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE, IS THAT I LOVE TO BECOME FEMININE PERSON WHO LIVES INSIDE ME!!!!!!

MOLLY

[diannecourtney]

Yes as always, Freddie hits where others fail to go. I don't know where she has all the times to !. dredge up the thoughts: 2. express them so intelligently and 3. with such great consistancy. I would think she would be more adept to apply these efforts to the so called great American Novel. Or is that what she has in mind?

[Carlene]

Daring, perhaps, courageous, of course but, I see CDing more as a yearning to be one with something I adimire (love), a need to have that forbidden succulent fruit wistfully swaying in the breeze just out my normally accepted reach. The requirements to achieve some level attachment are clearly, courage and resolve, but for me I don't identify with the term daring.

Great philosophical muse, thank you.........Carlene :daydreaming:

[Marleena]

Hi Freddy I took your dare and read your post because you alway get me thinking, my brain will never turn to jello with you around I dare say.:)

The general population sometimes dare a man to wear a dress in public. I mean men are not supposed to be feminine creatures. How dare they dress like a girl! But for an MTF sometimes the comfort of wearing that dress leads us to take that dare of letting them see us. Sometimes it's not a good outcome for a man to take their dare as our friend Anne found out. We just can't let them keep us from being ourselves. We take the heat or bail out. It's tough being ourselves out there for sure. They try to bully us from being different than the so-called norm. We cannot let them win.

You don't have to leave your home to take the dare. Just buying girl's clothes, makeup etc, and putting it on is a dare to them.

In closing I am not asking or telling anyone to take the public dare. It is perfectly fine to take the dare in your own home. I do dare those bully girls to take off their makeup, cut their hair short, take off their nail polish and wear boy's clothes.

[kimdl93]

I'm not much of a risk taker, and when I do take the risk of going out presenting as a woman, I've run the odds and concluded that the risks are pretty small. But I tend to avoid places and times where the risks elevate.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Frederique, You are a true wordsmith you paint pictures with words.
I guess for me It's who I am and it's what I do.

[BobbieBrooks]

Yes, MTF crossdressing will take all six.

BobbieB

[STACY B]

Ohhhhhhhh the words come out so easy for you ,,, But they are in my head as well ,, Im just not that well educated to write them down as you can ,,, But the RISK ,,,Ohhhhh the RISK ,,, Thats just part of it all ,, Control ,, You control your self an just let the public stare an Gawk ,,, An say what they will an just SMILE !!! But knowing in the back of your mind that if it came down to it you could get busy !! An when I say get busy ,,Thats if you were attacked ,,But thats where all your man instinc comes into play,, But its this Thrill of comeing into contact with people you may have meet before an them not reconizing you or just the act of getting away with something that is so Taboo . Gets my blood pumping an heart beating ,,As soon as I walk out that door Ill feel that pulse an the closer I get to the general public or AKA A DANGER ZONE ,, My mouth gets dry an I start to sweat ,, Cuz I know that Im taking a chance ,,, An it feels so good ,,Thats why we go farther an farther ,,, Maybe start out with something simple as underdressing ,,,Feels so evil ,, An then ya gotta push it ,,, Maybe Girl pants or shorts ,, Then a Risky shoe ,, Before ya know it BAM,,,, Your all out ,,Some take dayz ,,Some take years ,, Thats why on the other closet thread I said stay in if it makes ya happy ,, We all cant do it for some reason or another ,, But the CRAZY ones that just havta have that RUSH ,,,, Sooooo Sweet ,,, Maybe it will never stop giving me that rush until I have reached my goal ? But there are alot of Risky outfits yet to be aguired !! An a whole lotta adventures yet to be fullfilled ,,Its a sport to me . I feel the same way as alot of folks feel about there favorite sport . An all the simple an hard changes are just part of the game . But Ill tell ya one thing ive played all my life an other than life getting in the way from time to time I still love the game . An over coming lifes problems is part of the game . Maybe a new or different job or new town or place to live will change the game for you ? Or going outta town to play ,, Then doing it in town ,,For a more Risky game ,, Dont matter if you WIN or LOSE ,,,, Its playing OUR SECRET GAME that counts ,,,, :devil:

[Gillian Gigs]

To quote from the movie "Kingdom of Heaven", "what is a man, if he does not make his world a better place"! That better place needs to be a place where love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control are shown by all people. If it takes a skirt and shockings to get it done, then so be it. It takes courage to go against the flow of society/world for any reason, without courage we might be giving tyrant salutes to oppressive leaders today.

[drushin703]

frederique: Your right on, my friend. I am pretty bold and out front with my crossdressing. Although, I must admit, no close friend or family member knows
that the basketball, football, tractor-pull dana is also the pantyhose, wig and mini skirt dana. I would prefer to keep it that way. But hey, im'e not crazy and I
can see and hear like the average person. When people laugh, snicker or say mean things about me, it hurts. In fact, it hurts in places I didn't even think
I had. But whether im'e just foolish, a high wire act, a rebel or just a lover of misery, I cannot and will not stop. Lindbergh was right. What kind of
crossdressing man would live where there is no daring..?dana

[TGMarla]

I dared. I read it! I nearly died....but I survived it! And I'm a better man....errr.....woman for it!

Heck yeah, it takes some guts. Every time we don our feminine attire, we risk losing all we have, should some unfortunate incident happen that outs us to the wrong people. We dare to shave our legs when men are not supposed to. We dare to like things like lace and frills. We dare to learn to walk in high heels. We dare to learn to use makeup. We dare to wear bras (with fake breasts in them!), pretty wigs, pantyhose, slips and dresses.Then, for some of us, we dare to ventue out into the world where everyone can see us wearing all this stuff, at the risk of possibly enduring ridicule and humiliation, all because we're compelled to adventure into the other end of the gender pool, if only for a short while. Women are not lesser beings. In fact, many are superior beings. But they live their lives in a way that most men cannot imagine, much less even try to comprehend. We dare to comprehend this, and then emulate it.

And all with matching purse and shoes!

[Veronica27]

Freddie, you're posts are always challenging, not simply from the viewpoint of debating crossdressing issues, but from the viewpoint of exploring our self, our intellect and our personality as well as the philosophical issues involved. I usually have to make numerous referrals to my various dictionary favourites to ensure that I have fully absorbed your points. When I read the opening post, I was in full agreement with what you wrote, as I view my crossdressing as a great adventure and exploration, but never gave much thought about it in terms of daring. Then when I read some of the replies, I thought "wait a minute, is there a distinction between risky and daring?', and has Freddie addressed that issue.

The distinctions are quite obvious, when you read the definitions, despite the fact that they are often intertwined in any given situation. Simply put it is hazardous vs. adventurous. When I reread your post, I saw that you covered this distinction quite well in paragraph three. This made me wonder if my crossdressing is daring because there are risks involved, or is risky because I am being daring? I don't think there is necessarily any correlation between the two, just as neither is necessarily a part of crossdressing for any other motivations.

On the philosophical side, we can be "daring", whether it is because of an external urging by somone else, or whether it is self motivated, but is self motivation really a "dare" or is it something else? I have not formulated an answer to that.

Another excellent topic that has me thinking about aspects of crossdressing that I had previously overlooked.

Veronica

[Veronica27]

Today's comics page provided an additional example of the adventure vs. risk comparison. Do you think this kid crossdresses?

http://cdn.svcs.c2.uclick.com/c2/6ce427209949012f2fe400163e41dd5b

[steffigirl37]

Lindbergh? Everest? Your kidding, right?

[Cynthia Anne]

There has never been a dare I wouldn't take! It takes a brave man to step over the bounds! Crossdressing to me is the ultimate dare! Like riding a bull you know you're gonna' take your licks but you can't let it dampen your spirit! Hugs!

[Barbara Ella]

You had me at D you agree? Yes. There are the dares others give us, and there are those we chose for ourselves. Some might not call them a dare, but more of a challenge, but the introduction, the action, and the results are the same. Each individual does have their own dare, and regardless of the person's experience level, the accomplishment of an individual's dare brings the same sense of accomplishment. Then we begin looking for the next one, human nature.

I love the analogy to Lindburgh and his flight, and your statement that you go it alone. Just remember that when you are taking flight that there are a lot of girls, both in the air and not, that are cheering you, and adding wind beneath your wings to help you whenever you need it.

Hugs, Barbara

[Kaz]

Great post as usual Freddie! Always guaranteed to get the grey matter up and running!

I certainly find trying to look vaguely feminine is a major challenge! But as has been said, when I have done it and I see Kaz staring at me from the mirror - it is worth all the effort. Going out is certainly another challenge and one that I have done quite a bit, but I have my boundaries. Some I cross and then reset them, and some I leave well alone. Because I do not dare to! For me the 'dare' is about me daring to do it, not society daring me. So Lindberg 'dared' to rise to his challenge. I dare to rise to some of mine, but some I dare not...

And there we are back in the risk/benefit zone. For some things the perceived benefit is not worth the risk. But many of us here challenge our boundaries and some reach some major summits in their lives, looking back at where they journeyed and sharing their experiences on the way. We may all have different paths to take and we may have very different goals and objectives, but we certainly have challenges in this little old CD world we inhabit. And we do indeed all 'dare' to do what we think we can, or at least are prepared to try!

[Bridgit_Bordeaux]

Very thought provoking, I really like this type of discussion and post.

[Shelly Preston]

I am not sure if daring is the right word. Challanging yes because we have to build up the confidence to step out the door. This is due to the preconceptions of others. There is also the problem of how family members or employers may react. So many groups have been shuned in the past because they were different. Punk rockers were a good example of this.
However we are challenging something which goes deeper. The current opinion for most that you gender is either male or female decided at birth by your genitals.

Someone once said to me " Its nice to see you out being yourself " which I think is more insightful than I realise when it was said.

I think that is the real point, we are trying to be ourselves as much as we can.

[Dana921]

I like the thought provoking idea of daring to be yourself, please forgive me as I tend to oversimplify.

I was reminded of the expression, that meant something to me at least for a lot of the reasons that you expressed so well.

"I was more afraid of not being me (and what that meant or could lead to) than I was of being ridiculed by others."

[Karren H]

Dare or challenge.... Can mean the same... Funny but I used to dare myself to crossdress when I was young. Almost like a mind game... I accepted the dare way more than I declined it! I still do in a way..... Really don't need others to provide any motivation or dare me to do anything. I'm self motivated.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Most of my life, I have not been a risk taker. Recently, I have changed. It's all because of this girl... OK, that's not fair to me, but her influence is very, strong. Soon, I must take the biggest risk yet, and come out to her.

Other risks? Do I want to display my femininity? I already am, to a certain degree, I am much more open with my conversations, and she said the other day that my body language has changed remarkably over the last few months.

Dressing? I don't know whether I want to dress fully, I want to try it..... I like the idea of wearing a skirt for work, not because it's female attire...or not mostly, I think about the comfort of the coolness on my legs though....

[Stephanie47]

To dare doing something involves risks which involves adverse consequences. Charles Lindbergh took a risk and did not fail. There were no adverse consequences. On the other hand, Amelia Earhart took a risk and there were adverse consequences. In either case there was a high degree of probability each would accomplish their goals. Neither were foolhardy.

As to appearing en femme in public. Is it foolhardy for a guy to appear en femme at Halloween? Probably not! A gag, a good time, a laugh. Is it foolhardy for a guy to appear at his military duty station en femme? You betcha!

I am in the "Freddie" camp. I also choose to go it alone. There are still unacceptable consequences to cross dressing. Over the years the adverse consequences have been greatly reduced. Retirement is safer than having a job to protect. Now the money just rolls into the checking account with absolutely no effort. Do I 'dare' to walk down to the community mailbox en femme? No! Do I 'dare' to take a drive during the evening to another neighborhood and take a stroll? Yes! One is foolhardy with little adverse consequences. The other is foolhardy with potential consequences that I am not willing to take.

I remember as a youth all the 'stupid' things us kids did on a 'dare.' Sometimes I wonder how survived growing up. As a young adult I made a decision that came with unintended consequences. I am still living with those unintended consequences. My decision unexpectedly came with consequences I had no ability to control. I decided never to do that again. It's always risks v rewards.

[Frédérique]

Lindbergh? Everest? Your kidding, right?

No, I’m not kidding. You’re kidding, right? :waiting:

I came across the Lindbergh quote on Wikipedia one night, and I immediately thought about the challenges of MtF crossdressing – how many males would dare to tackle the un-masculine? Our fixed, firm purpose can be seen as a heroic venture, but few would recognize it as such…

As for the Everest metaphor, men are endlessly fascinated by mountains. Some men admire them, some men paint pictures of them, some men fly over them, and some men climb them, simply because they’re THERE, and they resemble something very familiar. I will now refer you to the words “The Teton Range” and leave it at that…
:heehee:


Most of my life, I have not been a risk taker.

I’m not much of a risk-taker, either, so when I first started crossdressing this was a huge obstacle to overcome. Little by little I somehow found the courage to go out dressed, and each new CD adventure emboldened me to try more and more. I see MtF crossdressing as LESS risky these days (for me), and more like a necessary gamble – NOT challenging oneself to completely alter ordinary existence is detrimental in the extreme, and I can’t afford to sit around in drab, letting the precious moments (when I could be ALIVE) slip away…
:battingeyelashes:

[Amanda22]

This is one of my all-time favorite threads. I'm sorry it took me a couple of days to read it. Cross-dressing takes so much courage. Us CDers know that. I think the act of CDing is so far "out there" in the minds of the average person that they just think we're crazy. They don't understand a bit about it and therefore wouldn't think of the courage aspect.

I'm not a daredevil, don't participate in "extreme" sports, and tend toward behaving safely in all other aspects of my life. My gender expression, however, is where I let loose! I am proud of my accomplishments and especially being true to myself. I'm not implying anyone should venture outside their front door, but for me this has been utterly life-changing for the positive. An unexpected side effect has been that I've unintentionally spread a message among dozens of local people in Chattanooga,TN that CDers are great people.

I recognize that I have a craving to push my own envelope. It isn't an obligation at all, nor a sort of peer pressure to carry the CD flag. This forum has been extremely supportive to me and I don't think I'd be where I am without the amazing virtual friends here. My motivation, though, stems from my innermost being. As I said, I must be true to myself. A great tragedy of my life would have been to suppress my dressing both in public and private and never known the indescribable liberation, rightness, and authenticity I enjoy now.

Thanks for this and all of your other well-crafted and meaningful threads, Frederique!

[Ms Mira]

Amen!

Life should not be defined by FEAR. Now I'm not saying that you should just traipse into your military base dressed. But, I do think it's always important to try and look at the reasons why you don't want to do something, and if the primary answer is FEAR you should work on getting over that hump.

For me, I want to work to live as openly as I can. That doesn't mean that I want to be Mira 24 / 7 - that's not me either. But it does mean that I don't mind, I welcome it, if people know about Mira in the context of who I am. Mira is a big part of who I am that I'm not ashamed of, and if I'm not ashamed of her, then other people can't rain on my parade. They just can't. There will always be ignoramuses, but instead of letting them affect my esteem, I feel bad for them... that they have to live life in such a closed box. I'm too busy living my life to care what they think.

I've been blessed in a situation which has somewhat allowed me to do this. I'm out to - save one or two - all of my close friends. And I live in one of the most liberal big cities in the world (TORONTO, represent!) I haven't always been like this, but I have worked on it continually and hell... Today I find myself way higher up that mountain than I ever could have imagined years ago.

[LeaP]

So ...

Ya goin' out and about in downtown Lindsborg?

[Momarie]

The grandiouse nature of this thread makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for the op.

[almisami]

I'm one of those people who has a contingency plan for the contingency plan of the contingency plan for the original plan. Although I have to admit sometimes the backup plan for ''calmly educate the ignorant masses'' amounts to ''Running in heels 101'' and I've had to use ''Just make sure you hit like a girl'' a few times as well. It's amazing how messed up and unpredictable peoples' reactions can be and, in hindsight, I consider myself more foolhardy than daring.

[Beth-Lock]

Speaking as a male by birth, genetic boy, or whatever, I wish to state that (for some of us) MtF crossdressing is a very daring enterprise that requires risk taking on a scale most men cannot or will not imagine. ... I don’t HAVE to do this, rather I WANT to do it, because I can, and it makes perfect sense to me…

A man wearing a dress – this takes courage! You have to face, oppose, and defy everything that you have learned, everything you’ve been told, and everything you will come up against in your personal quest for happiness. In essence, you’re challenging yourself, in a rather masculine way, to go someplace forbidden – are you fearless enough to wear panties, wear a wig, and paint your nails? Are you bold enough to step over the un-crossable line society has placed before you?


I must have cross-dressed in strict privacy and absolute secrecy for forty years, (before doing it in public). But what your post recalled to me, was the early few years, when as a pre-teen, I stood before heaps of my mother's clothes, experiencing the sweet, magnetic essence of womanhood that they radiated, and wanting to make it a part of myself, yet prevented by the taboo from actually putting them on, even though alone, I could have done so without being caught.

I conclude from this that men have more than a fear of consequences from the outside, the real risks, but also have a barrier to hurdle, a barrier made up of ideas or instincts, in their own mind. It is also daring to get past this barrier. Since a lot of boys don't do that, one can only assume that those that do, have some sort of inner compulsion or attraction towards the feminine, that most lack. Or perhaps, it is just a perception, an ability to resonate, psychologically, to the trappings of womanhood or the feminine.

[Tess]

I relate very well to the idea of risk and dare as it applies to my dressing. Challenging yes, but risk is what elevates my day beyond the normal routine existence. Perhaps growing up in a more repressed time has set my thrill bar lower than the following generations when it comes to slipping on nylon and lace. The taboo element of crossdressing which certainly existed for over half my life and lingers today, is part of why I enjoy it.

[Krististeph]

Hi Frederique,

I like the analogy! It's a good question, and it applies to all of us, but perhaps varying degrees.

Personally, I've taken lots of chances in other aspects of my life: work, school, 'pastimes', I don't think I want much of a challenge in my CD life, just for the sake of it.

Now if that's being a little bit chicken, then yeah, I'm chicken (though not at Chic-fil-a...:spank:)

It has a bit to do with being married, my wife would not want me to transition, and I would not want to bring any undue attention to us in the neighborhood by dressing full time.

I'll still sneak out at night to do a short run wearing all female gear, or bike ride with a little more androgynous looking female stuff, do the same while on long road trip for work (but go for more obviously feminine (but not girly or inappropriate stuff at night).

It is not as 'fulfilling' (perhaps) as being able to dress whenever or wherever, but it is vastly better than not being able to dress at all.