The term Passing

[Paula_56]

There is seems to be an aversion to the word passing in our community, But no matter how much we urge people not to worry about passing but to focus on expressing their true self the issue always continues to surface.
On any given day we can find a thread asking how well do I pass? If not directly using that word we ask how do I look. How do you like this? The bottom line is no woman wants to be mistaken for a man and the same goes for a transgendered woman.
Because of the baggage associated with the term “passing” I have started using the word “convincing”. I like to say that I make a convincing woman. Let me explain. By paying attention to my fashion, makeup, accessories, mannerisms, voice and actions, I hope to convince the people I interact with to treat me as a woman. I suspect most people, if asked would suspect that something was amiss like I wasn’t really a Miss! (Pun intended).
But given all the gender queues I present they go with what they see. A woman.

[Melissa Rose]

While I don't get the sense there is an aversion to the term passing, but more of a broad and varied range of definitions. Sometimes this generates the discussions about passing, the importance of, desire to, etc., and the different feelings about it. The following is cut and pasted from another post of mine.

I use the term "pass" in a different way than most. For me, passing is nothing more than not getting read with a quick glance. It is the short time (i.e., lack of attention) and distance that makes passing possible. A minimum standard was met which is another way of saying you were not obviously a man dressed as a woman upon a quick look and some distance. "Blending" is the next stage which is not getting read upon longer observation and with moderate proximity. This would be like observing someone two or three tables away at a restaurant for a few minutes. It is secondary clues such as some physical features, overt mannerism and sometimes attire that makes a CD fail to blend in. IMHO, it is a lack of convincing blending that gets most CDs thoroughly read upon observation. Only a few CDs I know blend in well enough not to get read or, at a minimum, arouse suspicion. "Presenting" is the final and most difficult stage. This is where there is close proximity and personal interaction with others in mainstream venues and events. Secondary clues become even more scrutinized and important. Vocal patterns, thought processes, behavioral patterns, less obvious mannerism, and other very refined details are all part of presenting. Convincingly presenting as a woman is very rare for a part-time CD and many post-op TSs I know also have difficulty or totally fail at presenting. Passing, blending and presenting is based on my opinion and observations over the past few years. It is my way of breaking down "passing" into more discrete and defined parts. Blending and especially presenting as a woman is way more than dressing as one (i.e., looking like one).

[AllieSF]

We could use passing, or blending, or presenting, or convincing, or being ourselves, or mixing, or being out in the real world, or whatever. This is just another thread on this well worn and sometimes interesting terminology. A lot of those that have aversion to the use of the word "passing" like to use the literal definition of totally passing as a female upon close inspection. Funny thing that it appears that most who use that definition are also very, very passable. I don't really care and just go out and do my thing, a lot.

[Lainie]

Really it's about getting along with people, isn't it? If we can be non-threatening and respectful, casual encounters will normally go well. The goal of "passing" is to keep the anomaly of transgenderism from dominating our relationships, allowing normal conversations.

No one ever assumes that I'm a GG, but even so, casual encounters with strangers are normally conventional. People treat me with courtesy & engage in small talk. Even in "getting-to-know-you" situations like sidewalk cafe & art galleries, I have had extended conversations wearing a skirt & a mustache while we talked about sports, travel, art, whatever, and never got around to CDing.

[rachaelsloane]

I passed all my classed in college and that is the only way I use the term "passing". I try to present myself the best I can and have had many great conversations like the others have said. Just last week I was out with a friend and we got into a conversation with the couple sitting next to us. After awhile we were finally talking about "dressing" and I asked what their first reaction was when they sat down and the wife said she hadn't noticed until she heard us talking.
Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

To me it's about being left alone, sure check out the clothes, make snarky comments about a bad choice in heels or a bad 'hair' day, but leave everything else alone.

Kelly


P.S. I've seen some people at Wamart, who don't even pass for Homo Sapiens !

[Paula_56]

While I don't get the sense there is an aversion to the term passing, but more of a broad and varied range of definitions. Sometimes this generates the discussions about passing, the importance of, desire to, etc., and the different feelings about it. The following is cut and pasted from another post of mine.

I use the term "pass" in a different way than most. For me, passing is nothing more than not getting read with a quick glance. It is the short time (i.e., lack of attention) and distance that makes passing possible. A minimum standard was met which is another way of saying you were not obviously a man dressed as a woman upon a quick look and some distance. "Blending" is the next stage which is not getting read upon longer observation and with moderate proximity. This would be like observing someone two or three tables away at a restaurant for a few minutes. It is secondary clues such as some physical features, overt mannerism and sometimes attire that makes a CD fail to blend in. IMHO, it is a lack of convincing blending that gets most CDs thoroughly read upon observation. Only a few CDs I know blend in well enough not to get read or, at a minimum, arouse suspicion. "Presenting" is the final and most difficult stage. This is where there is close proximity and personal interaction with others in mainstream venues and events. Secondary clues become even more scrutinized and important. Vocal patterns, thought processes, behavioral patterns, less obvious mannerism, and other very refined details are all part of presenting. Convincingly presenting as a woman is very rare for a part-time CD and many post-op TSs I know also have difficulty or totally fail at presenting. Passing, blending and presenting is based on my opinion and observations over the past few years. It is my way of breaking down "passing" into more discrete and defined parts. Blending and especially presenting as a woman is way more than dressing as one (i.e., looking like one).

Bravos well said !!!!!!

[Kate Simmons]

Who is to be the real "judge" when it comes to whether we "pass" or "fail" being a female person? I think when all the hoopla is said and done, we, ourselves, are really.:)

[STACY B]

:thumbsup::thumbsup: :devil: Ill tell ya all I know !! That its not so much the clothes ,,,Makeup,, Manerisms ,, Hair,,(WIG) ,, Voice ,, Dont get me wrong ,,, Thats all got ALOT to do with it . But one of the most important thing chix always forget ? Where you GO ! Place ,,,, You can get away with alot more in a Club ,,Bar ,,Night Time >>>>>>> ,, Than you can at Church,, Dept Store ,, Family Reunion,, Middle of the day ?? So rememeber ,, Location ,, Is the Key ! Put on your best face ,, An plan your outing after you see how good you PASS !! No problems ,,, :D:D

[Eryn]

As I just mentioned in another thread we are our own harshest critics in this regard. We are supposedly experts in reading subtle gender markers and ferreting out someone's true gender. Despite this, and a very strong interest, I am not very good at telling that someone is definitely a CDer. I can say "50% certain" or even "90% certain," but I can never be absolutely sure.

Now let's consider a person on the street. They aren't thinking in terms of CDing. Part of social interaction is identification of another person's gender so that we can select the words and style of interaction to use. How does a person do this? Do they check for lack of an Adam's apple or a bulge in the pants before deciding that a person is female? Of course not, they use the most easily-seen cues such as clothing, hair, and accessories.

Having made an initial determination, what will it take to make them change their minds? Quite a bit, in fact. They might thing "Gee, that woman is tall," or "Gee, that woman has a deep voice," but the key is that they are still thinking "woman." Many GGs are stuck with height, low voices, or other supposedly masculine characteristics, but they don't worry about passing because nobody they meet is going to risk embarrassment by asking them if they are really female!

[Helen_Highwater]

"He passed as Helen". OMG does that mean I'm dead?

[Badtranny]

Passing is a constant topic because it's so damn hard to do.

I actually thought I had it down nearly a year before I transitioned. After going full time I realized how wrong I was. I still don't pass 100% yet and everyone here knows the amount of work I've had done. My goal of course is to "pass" as a GG any time and every time. I know I can do it, but I have a lot of work left to do.

It is a Herculean challenge (or Sisyphean depending on your point of view) to pass at all, so it's mildly humorous when the part timers get upset when somebody reads them. Well of course they did. The work required to pass cannot be done in between weekends. It's been a solid two and a half years of full time effort for me so far and I've got at least another year before I can hope to reach my goal.

[KellyJameson]

I love your thinking Paula, being a convincing woman instead of "passing" makes me feel less like a car speeding down the highway and more like a human being.

It seems the audience we are trying to convince has everything to do with it.

In my opinion there is communication that happens between people below their conscious awareness as if when you are having a conversation with someone you are actually talking to two people, their conscious (present) and their subconscious(past) persona.

It is this subconscious mind that is more difficult to convince the longer you are engaged in conversation and men pick up on differences among other men and women pick up on differences between other women.

There seems to be a gender psychology that for most is innate and instinctual as if they belong to a tribe and can sense when you are not a member, very tricky to overcome.

[Krista Doll]

sorry but the only passing I do is on the interstate either on the left or the right sorry but somtimes You just have to pass on the right because of some stupid person that can't drive normal, to all across the pond just reverse that. lol

[Leslie Langford]

While I don't get the sense there is an aversion to the term passing, but more of a broad and varied range of definitions. Sometimes this generates the discussions about passing, the importance of, desire to, etc., and the different feelings about it. The following is cut and pasted from another post of mine.

I use the term "pass" in a different way than most. For me, passing is nothing more than not getting read with a quick glance. It is the short time (i.e., lack of attention) and distance that makes passing possible. A minimum standard was met which is another way of saying you were not obviously a man dressed as a woman upon a quick look and some distance. "Blending" is the next stage which is not getting read upon longer observation and with moderate proximity. This would be like observing someone two or three tables away at a restaurant for a few minutes. It is secondary clues such as some physical features, overt mannerism and sometimes attire that makes a CD fail to blend in. IMHO, it is a lack of convincing blending that gets most CDs thoroughly read upon observation. Only a few CDs I know blend in well enough not to get read or, at a minimum, arouse suspicion. "Presenting" is the final and most difficult stage. This is where there is close proximity and personal interaction with others in mainstream venues and events. Secondary clues become even more scrutinized and important. Vocal patterns, thought processes, behavioral patterns, less obvious mannerism, and other very refined details are all part of presenting. Convincingly presenting as a woman is very rare for a part-time CD and many post-op TSs I know also have difficulty or totally fail at presenting. Passing, blending and presenting is based on my opinion and observations over the past few years. It is my way of breaking down "passing" into more discrete and defined parts. Blending and especially presenting as a woman is way more than dressing as one (i.e., looking like one).

Excellent analysis, Melissa, but it begs the question: using those strict criteria, how many GG's would successfully "blend in", "pass", or "convince" etc. all the time?

I can't count the number of times that I have seen a woman - especially an elderly one - out in public sporting a short, mannish haircut and wearing nondescript, masculine looking clothes, and where I had to look really hard before I was reasonably sure that I was observing a woman as opposed to a man.

[Karen_Ski]

First off we have to remember we are own worst critics and even more so our own worst enemy. "Passing" or blending or fitting in or whatever to me means the ability to live my life as I choose and to be accepted. Do I pass as a woman, some tell me I do other times it seems like every 3rd person "makes" me. :sad: The reality is I feel like a woman and even if others don't see m that way if they treat me with a little respect I am happy. :)

The other thing is to remember we see the differences between us and GG's and many times go to the extreme to portray that image of femininity we want to be. Sadly too many times that image in our minds is of days gone by. I do find that I blend in better if I attempt to carry off the image of today's woman in an age appropriate way.

[Cynthia Anne]

As soon as I ''convince'' myself I'm ''passing'' I think about what others think of me! Hugs

[Silmaril]

It seems to me that part of the matter is that we each have, to different degrees maybe, a love/hate relationship with the notion of passing. If Aladdin's lamp dropped into your lap tomorrow, and the genie told you that--if you wish--he could make it so that you could pass flawlessly as a woman whenever you like, who amongst us wouldn't say "Sign me up"? Isn't that the stuff our dreams our made of? Isn't that why we practice so hard and put so much effort into it?

Like it or not, passing is the unspoken Holy Grail of measuring up; an impossible standard that few if any of us can ever truly achieve. Gender is obviously a tremendously complex concept. It's far more involved than a change of clothes, some curvy padding, some hip swinging when you walk, raising your voice at the end of statements, and all the rest. Some of us can hope to pass Melissa Rose's "quick glance" test (at least *some* of the time), and I agree with her that the cart starts to jump the track as you try to achieve her notion of blending. Melissa Hobbes' 2+year journey with work still left to be done is a sobering reminder of how elusive the ability to "present" is.

And for me, chasing the Holy Grail is where the hate part of the love/hate relationship comes in. Why should I have to measure up? I resent that notion of measuring up in CD'ing as much as I do with any other empty social yardstick: why should I have to be rich to be seen as being successful? Why should I have to have a PhD to be viewed as being educated? Why should I have to be tall, thin, promoted, young, attractive, ...and so on.

Why should I have to pass to validate this aspect of myself? I shouldn't; I should just be able to be myself, however I define that. I'll set my own yardsticks, thank you.

I think that's the aversion that sometimes shows up in these pages. I suspect it has less to do with disliking the term, and more to do with resenting the idea that if you don't measure up, you have no worth. And that's just not fair; others have already said that more eloquently.

But for me to totally blow off the notion of passing and suggest it has no value would be calling the grapes sour. Would I like to be able to blend/present/convince/flow/qualify/suffice/ ...pass? You bet I would. I'm just not going to be held to an impossible standard. That's what I like about Paula's initial message; set your own criteria, and revel in your successes. And if it helps to attach a new word to that standard, I say go for it.

[Melissa Rose]

....but it begs the question: using those strict criteria, how many GG's would successfully "blend in", "pass", or "convince" etc. all the time?

A number of GGs have one or more typical masculine characteristics; however, their other characteristics are feminine so their overall presentation is feminine. Our brains process the information very quickly and usually subconsciously. There are a few GGs that could be mistaken as men due to their physical characteristics and mode of dress. If you talk with them for a short while, it becomes fairly obvious they are female. Of course, there is an exception or two to make things interesting. It is the opposite with many CDs - talk with them for a short while, and it is obvious they are male. It is the presence of multiple masculine characteristics that gets the average CD easily read, and some are dead give aways on their own. Very few women have these obvious tells.

How someone defines and deals with passing is personal. Some will not go out unless they believe they are 100% passable while others don't care. No one should be judged or ridiculed for their views and actions where passing is concerned.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As i read through the post's I thought nope ill not say it , because youll know what i say any way's, .

So, one word is missing , well i never saw it, so, for my self its about none of those words , its about being accepted for who you are or my case being accepted as a female / woman because i am though a little different,

If i passed or blended in or my face was more female things would have been very different for myself over the last 18 years & more so 5 years, so for all my missgiveing's of how i look i belive iv had more going for myself in many different ways,

Some of us will never have that female ...look...yes i could have a make over, do a or my wig makeup & all yet for myself thats a cover up . & its just not for me, even though iv travelled many 1000's of miles i have a repore with people thats about being accepted for who i am as a normal female / woman whos just different,
I have real neat women friends who accept & know me & are more than happy being my friends the comments are we dont all look the same .

So those of you who can be more in keeping with how we who are women look & yes even for a short time or longer thats neat,

Many of you can far surpass myself in your looks so thats my compliment to you,

In this case for you Paula.

...noeleena...

[Vickie_CDTV]

I was once talking about this with my former, and she pointed out something interesting. For those of us who just dress occasionally for fun, it is like a hobby or sport, and like anything males do they want to be good at whatever they might do. She said for some of us part of the appeal of passing is being able master our game and reach a very high level of accomplishment, not unlike someone who plays golf being able to break par. It might be a bit of an oversimplification but I think in some cases she has a point.

[Wendy Seymone]

I think Vicki Rene summed it up quite nicely with this quote on her website,
"It is great to be passable but it is even greater to be accepted!"

I pretty much will go wherever I want when I want to, and I truly enjoy being able to be perceived as a woman while doing so... I simply will let others decide for themselves how convincing they think I am.

[Joanna41]

Good point about that subject. I strive to pass or be "convincing" each time I dress. Quite challenging.

Joanna

[Cheryl T]

I always hated those Pass/Fail courses in college.

For me I believe that very few of us PASS. Unless you're petite, have feminine features (like many of the asian girls here) and can grow your own hair out then I think you are doomed to be "noticed".
It's not about whether or not we are recognized as not being genetic women, it's about your attitude. If you are confident about who you are, are not the "In Your Face" kind of dresser that the general public resents (just as they do any group that stand out i.e. Hells Angels), and are considerate and respectful of others you will be accepted. Perhaps that acceptance will not be that you are completely accepted as a woman, but you will not be ostracized and ridiculed either.

In the 7 years that I have been "out" in the public eye I've never encountered total negativity. I believe that I have been accepted as a woman or at least as a person of good character who chooses to express herself as a woman. Not being TS that is all I hope to achieve.

[kimdl93]

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I would love to pass, blend, convince and present each time I go out. I'm under no illusions in that regard, so try as I mayotte do better, I'm resigned to being read whenever I'm out. That doesn't mean I expect to elicit negative responses. I fact, my experience has been that most people ignore me, a few register a response and a surprising number of women are...if you will, welcoming...as though they are happy to have me as an ex officio member of womanhood.

[Sweet Caroline]

No one really passes, it is a delusional idea, but it does help to know you come close and you are doing everything to achieve the goal. In the end it's how you feel and act while out dressed in public. Once I step over the threshold and embrace the street, it's up to me to hold my head proud and go forward. No turning back now.

[Dawn cd]

There used to be a magazine called "Feminine Illusion" dedicated to crossdressing. The title was a good one, since most CDs want to create the illusion of being a woman. (A few transsexuals get fed-up with illusions and want to becomes real women, but that's another story.) So most of us must settle for being illusory women. Whether we pass not not, we know it's make-believe. Yet even when we don't "pass," we know there's part of our inner being that IS feminine is comforted by this make-believe game. A deep, vital part of us can express itself—which is no illusion, but real.

[carhill2mn]

I, too, a not a fan of the term "passing". Who knows if one is passing? I prefer to be "accepted" as a lady when presenting as a woman.

[MsJanessa]

Passing is nice, but acceptance is better--I would rather be thought of as a sexy glamorous TG, then an ordinary GG--but hey, that's just me

[sometimes_miss]

First off we have to remember we are own worst critics and even more so our own worst enemy. <snip>.
Ah, if only that were really true. Sadly, I grew up learning that people will pick you out of a crowd to hate, even if it's only for the way you look. As a kid, it only took one little thing about my appearance that had other boys (and sometimes even the girls) picking on me, sometimes physically, trying to goad me into a fight. One used to walk up to me and kick me every day (and of course boys can't hit girls, so I was basically screwed).
If people notice, they will have a reaction. What that reaction is, varies, but don't forget that there are lots of nuts out there, and when they congregate, their insanity and possibly violent activities escalate.
Don't get lost in the deep pink fog. There may be danger lying just on the other side.

[Leah Lynn]

P.S. I've seen some people at Wamart, who don't even pass for Homo Sapiens !

Spend some time "people watching" at the mall and other public areas. You'll see that many GG's don't look, walk, act like ladies. We have the advantage of trying to do it right.

[Jenniferathome]

As much as we all would like to "pass" or be mistaken for a woman, itis highly unlikely that will ever happen except a distance (somewhere between 15 feet and 1/4 of a mile). Convincing is a fine word. I have always used "blending" as my goal. I think they are about the same. I agree with your comment about the queues you mention. There are a thousand queues that help convince or allow one to blend in. All are equally important. I hope that all who choose to go out and interact with the outside world really understand that.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I agree that "accepted" should be the goal rather than "passing." Passing, in a historical context extends beyond the transgendered movement into the realm of mainstream society versus ethnic, religious and other cultural differences. To me it always feels like continuing to agree to the norms of the status quo instead of pushing for the idea that we shouldn't have to hide who we are and what we do. I'm not saying everyone should dress like me and present as a man in a dress because I know that's not what most folks on here want to do, but what I am saying is that the goal should be to dress in the way that pleases you the best and is putting your best face forward, not the look that you feel you have to do to "pass."

[SuzieLod]

Different point of views & perspectives, a most enlightening thread, tks girls