A Pleasant Danger

[lingerieLiz]

There is a new book out by Kate Bornstein, A Queer and Plesant Danger, which is very interesting. I love her advice, Do whatever it takes to make your life more worth living. There's only one rule that maters" Don't be mean.

Started thinking about it. I don't hold grudges or blame. Was it wrong when my mother put me in panties, molested on more than one occasion, or someone tried to rape me, sure. While it was not my fault that i had a curvy build and developed breasts, I don't blame any of it for my cross dressing. I grew up thinking that I would eventually look like a woman, but I never wanted to really be a girl sexually. I liked being a boy and I liked girls. In my naivety I believed that I should like boys, tried to, but it wasn't me. It caused me to lose a friend who was gay, but it taught me that I wasn't.

I've been lucky in that when I was young I could pass and find myself. Did I made tradeoffs, Yes! I didn't live as a girl/woman because it wouldn't allow me to earn and pursue a lifestyle that I wanted. Would I change anything? Sure, but I'm not sure what. We all make choices!

My question is how do you perceive yourself and your history. Do you blame others? Do you regret your choices? One can't go back and change your life, but what would you do different? What advice would you give to young people today.

[Launa]

Don't be mean is very good advice. I hate to say when I was younger I was a mean individual to anybody that crossed me, I'm not that way anymore. I sometimes used to blame people for things but I don't do it anymore either. Now I truely believe that if I find myself in a bad situation then I say that I actually have put myself there, I got to that destination all on my own, I found the problem I'm standing in, it did not find me.
Sure I regret many things I've done. If I were to do it all over again I would sometimes stop to smell the roses along the way in life. I would have been a lot more direct with communicating with my wife in our early years together. It has gotten much better over the years though but never assume anyone can read your mind, be direct with what you want.

[Cynthia Anne]

I can not, have not and will not blame anyone for my mistakes in life! Yes there are lots of things I regret and wish I could change but I can't! What is done is done! My focus is on today not yesterday! Hugs!

[Kate Simmons]

Regardless of my previous history, when it comes to being who I am, that is totally my choice.:)

[Lynn Marie]

Blaming others is really pretty stupid. It's amazing to see people who are, otherwise pretty smart, playing the blame game as a way of life. It's almost like a cultural thing. They never see the damage they are creating in their own lives and the lives of others. Life happens, your character is what you do with the damaged goods that just about all of us are left with. Grace and learning to take the "high road" is an art form practised by the successful folks in our society.

[Karren H]

My life has been fantastic in just about every way... so i don't need to blame anyone for anything.... and I have no regrets except not telling my wife before we were married....

[kimdl93]

....

My question is how do you perceive yourself and your history. Do you blame others? Do you regret your choices? One can't go back and change your life, but what would you do different? What advice would you give to young people today.

Oh boy, talk about Pandora's box. Have I blamed others for my short comings? Not so much, I was pretty sure I was responsible for everything that ever went wrong and scared to death that I might make a mistake...paralyzing fear. Oddly enough, because I felt so badly about my many shortcomings and faults, I was often unduly critical and harsh in my attitudes towards others. Basically, I didn't cut myself any slack and all too often treated other people the same way.

Do I regret choices? Many...or to clarify: Many, many, many of my choices. I can't and won't give a list, but to be brief, I often made impulsive choices...failing to consider options or consequences. If I could go back and do things differently, I'd be busy for another life time.

My advice to my sons was "just think of what your dad would do, then do the opposite". They've followed that advices and done pretty well so far!

[sometimes_miss]

To the 'don't be mean' concept; I'd add the following:
Always be polite and courteous. Give people the benefit of the doubt until you have reason not to. And do your best at everything you do, because no one could ever expect any more of you.