just need someone to talk to

[jackie k]

I am new to this whole " letting someone know" about my dressing. I need advice from some one that's been there

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jackie

:welcom: to the forum

The first thing is to take a deep breath and dont rush anything.
You have to consider who you want to tell and why.

[Edyta_C]

Shelly is right. Please do not rush to tell just anyone. Talk to us. This is one of the great things about this forum. There are a lot of patient listeners. Some of us even have helpful insights. The GGs and gals on here have been a great help to me and my journey.

Edy

[Amy R Lynn]

Hi Jackie,
Welcome to the forum. Do you have someone in mind that you want to let know about this? A girlfriend, a good friend, family? The one thing that I have come to know is that you don't have to tell everyone as long as you are just CD'ing. If you are looking to go through a full transition to become a woman 24x7 then you would have to let everyone know eventually.

Being a CD'r, you can keep quite a bit to yourself. I believe that most CD'rs go through cycles. Sometimes those cycles can be very strong and you want to go wild with your femm side and just let the world know about it. Other times it is just a low rumble or non existent at all.

you have to be careful with who you tell. Once you tell someone, you can't un-tell them. Consider why you want to tell them, and if this would help you in the long run. I have only told one other person (other than the friends that I have made here). It is a girl that I have known for a long time. We are good girl friends and she has helped me a LOT. Weigh the benefits of who and why you want to tell them. Don't make any spur of the moment decisions.

[sometimes_miss]

Jackie, what you're feeling is simply the desire to be liked for who you really are. The more you communicate with other crossdressers, the more you will feel that you are also viewed by the rest of the world as perfectly normal, and so will feel it quite likely that anyone you tell will accept it without a blink of an eye. Don't, I repeat DON'T, make that mistake. Before ever considering telling anyone about your crossdressing, make sure you know them well, and at some point in other discussions that start with other topics, bring up subjects such as that of homosexuality, maybe some stage plays dealing with transvestism such as La Cage Aux Folles, movies like 'To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar', etc. See how they respond to discussions about those subjects. Any negative feelings can signal that you're outing yourself to them may very well be a disaster.
In an emergency, you can go to a female gay bar, tip well, and talk to the bartender. They've heard everything.

[ArleneRaquel]

Jackie,
Welcome to forum and enjoy its membership.

[kimdl93]

well, as others have said, take your time. There are a lot of considerations. first and foremost is your own situation and plans for the future. Is this a part time interest or do you envision going full time at some point? Who might you "let know"? and Why...what is the need for that person to know? those are just a few questions we all have to consider.

[Antoinette]

The bottom line is that you'll bring it up when you feel ready, whenever that may be. It took me 12 yrs to tell someone. Continue talking to people and doing a bit of research to better understand yourself, reasons for dressing, where you're going to take things from here and most importantly feel comfortable with your sexuality. The more you know the easier it wold be to talk about it to someone you know.

[Karren H]

if you just have to tell someone.... find a bartender somewhere who doesn't know you.... they listen and don't care as long you buy a drink! lol

[RenneB]

Welcome to the site girl... like they say this 'stuf' is like photo paper .... let just a little bit of light in and it's all exposed...

Renne.....

[Janelle_C]

Welcome to this forum it's a great place to get advice. There is a lot of very carrying girls and GG's here. I know in my journey the urge to lit people know who I am got really strong but I'm taking it really slow, like some have already said you can't un-tell some one and you don't have control of who that person may tell. Keep talking to people here it's safe and you can get a lot of support.
Hugs Janelle

[Barbara Ella]

Welcome aboard Jackie. The overwhelming need to not feel alone is the strongest feeling that we have. You have some great advice here. Spend some time here and get to know the girls, and chat with them. Yes, many of them have been there and told others. Results both good and bad. Just getting to know others here will alleviate some of the need to let others know. Let us know. We don't judge, we listen, we talk back, and you don't even have to buy that drink even though that sounds really good right now. Make some friends here first. Just jump in and chat with everyone, and above all, have fun.

Barbara

[Ressie]

Isn't it wonderful that you can unload everything here among others like you that won't expose you? I just had to let someone know back in 1979 and chose my sister and later my gf. I'm sure they didn't keep it a complete secret like I hoped they would.

[Cynthia Anne]

Here's a BIG WELCOME Jackie! Be sure you consider how it may and may not go before you tell anyone anything! Hugs!

[vickyheels]

Hi jackie, welcome to the forum.
As has already been said, think very carefully about your reasons for telling someone,and ask yourself if anyone really needs to know.
Sometimes it works out great others not so good, I told my wife thinking she would understand. She ended up going off with someone else and we were divorced.
I told my children about it, Who were both in their young teens at the time and got told what ever makes you happy dad.
When my wife left my children stayed with me.
So take your time and really think about it first.

[ronda]

Hi Jackie welcome to the forum you can do a lot of talking right here take your time talking to your friends and family Hugs Ronda

[Marleena]

Welcome to the forum Jackie!

Don't be shy.. everybody that has replied is willing to help and listen. We've all been there.:)

[Dana3]

I'm in the same boat ~ I have to get to motivating down the highway to work right now. I'll be in touch.

[Aprilrain]

I am new to this whole " letting someone know" about my dressing. I need advice from some one that's been there

I think other than your significant other you don't have to tell anyone about your CDing if you don't want to.

[Sophia Claire]

Hey, Jackie! Welcome to the forums.

Yeah, these are pearls of wisdom! Telling somebody about your dressing is kind of like getting married. You have to be very careful about who you tell, because they're sharing what is presumably a big, embarrassing secret (it was for me, anyway). There's a kind of intimacy in that that I think is kind of like being in love. And it can be scary. But just be sure you know why you trust this person, why you want to tell this person and be honest with yourself. Then, it's just a matter of biting the bullet and doing it.

[jackie k]

Would it be ok if I just vent and let it all out?

[vickyheels]

you go ahead jackie, it may help us understand a bit better

[jackie k]

Ok, here goes. I'm 51. I've lived my whole life in the same small midwest town in nebraska. I've had these "feelings" for as long as I can remember. And I thought there was something wrong with me. Cuz the general concensus was "fagot" if you know what I mean. And I hated it. Fast forward,drinking problem,self loathing, yadayadayada. Today I am sober and married to the single most wonderful,understanding person I have ever met. She is my best friend. And she does know about my dressing and supports me 100%. She buys me clothes, make-up,shoes, my 1st wig. And she has never seen me in any of them cuz I can't seem to get over the shame, guilt,and embarrassment and just the feeling that I'm bad. I can't count the times I say to myself "I quit!" Only to find myself doing my eyes and putting on a bra and my secret shapes that I wear every day,oh how I wish my boobs were real! I know I won't or can't quit. And given my situation with kids I never have time for me ,jackie. We have 4 kids 3 are hers 1 mine. Her oldest is 21 and she is autistic, and no problem at all. She is actually pretty cool and an amazing poet. Next her son 20 and he is an aspy. Next is my son 19 who is proud to be the epitimy of macho redneck which is probably my fault. Next is her son 12 who is the poster child for adhd ,bipolar and hypoglycemic. A handful to say none the less, and keeps a secret like nylons hold water. The kid never sleeps and never knocks before coming in our room. I just never have time to let my hair down unless I let it out. And I'm afraid of the consequences. Its like I'm angry and maybe resentful cuz I can't do something I am ashamed of. I feel I'm going crazy. Is that too much?

[Kelli Ca]

You're taking the right steps by reaching out, this place is so full of wisdom and advice Im sure you'll find what you're looking for. Keep posting keep reading. Keep us posted and welcome

[jackie k]

Thank you so much lolisa! I truly expected a "f'n get over it" or no reply at all. Just no rejection is a comfort. Thank you

[jackie k]

Hope I didn't turn anyone away cuz of my p & m. I feel better just getting it off my chest. I've been reading the comments and replies. I believe I've found something good. I'll get there, with your help

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jackie, Welcome to our fourm.
When you are you are home if you have a question someone will have an answer for you.

[Sophia Claire]

You're not alone, Jackie. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say that your story is not entirely uncommon. I know I always kept it to myself, even from my wife, because I was ashamed. I've only accepted and embraced this part of myself in the last couple of months. When I told my (soon to be ex) wife, she looked at me blankly and said "well, yeah. I kinda figured." and was completely okay with it. This was in West Virginia, btw, so there was a lot of "faggot" being thrown around. 'Course, they didn't have much room to be talking, considering the high incidence of buggery (sheep shagging seemed to be the primary expression) out there... People tend to make too big a thing of this.

You're probably never going to hear "slap on your big girl panties and get over it" here, so don't worry about that ;)

And as for never having enough time, tell me about it. Between work and a four year old who doesn't yet understand the idea of privacy, I understand. Hell, I barely had enough time to do "normal" people stuff like eating or sleeping, much less CDing. And I know that I'm not the only person who has been a parent here. It can be frustrating, but you have to let it out, or it will let itself out, and sometimes it will do so in a manner that is completely inappropriate. Don't believe it? Catholic priests. They have no outlet and the sexual self (in their case, I'm not implying that this is entirely sexual for you) will not be denied. Not forever, anyway...

[Tracii G]

I have been CDing most of my life in one way or another.As a young kid and thru High school and yes I felt guilt at times but I knew it wasn't wrong to do it.
Deep down inside it just felt right to me to express my feminine side.
I have been in your place and felt their was something different about me.I learned to accept it as part of me.
I'm 59 so a tad older and have two kids and 3 grand children.I never felt the need to tell them but I have chosen a few to tell over the years that I knew I could trust.
Like others have said choose wisely if you have to tell anyone.Really its your business and others don't need to know.
Sure I have had the urge to tell close friends and have come close a few times but always look at the big picture and keep in mind the well being of your family and how that will effect them and who they come in contact with.
Welcome Jackie and ask anything you want we are all here to help YOU.

[Contessa]

I told quite a few people, those I work with and other friends and family. I would say the number is about 30 people then there are those they told so that is a larger number. I am sorry if it hurts some of you that I told so many, my life may not be that much longer. I must live it the way that I want to. Please don't be angry with me. I didn't tell anyone about you so your secret is safe. Yet I live much easier because of what I have done. If crossdressing is not a crime and we don't care what anyone thinks then I want to do it. I love this I love me. Please don't use me as an example, tell people as you see fit as Kim said what they think is about them not you. Live your life to its fullest just the way others do.


Tess

[vickyheels]

Contessa why on earth would anyone here be angry with you, it is your life you go shout it from the roof tops if it makes you happy. the main theme of the advice given in this thread is just have a good think about things,
weigh up all the options and think how things could affect you life.
No-one is saying don't tell anyone or to just keep it in the family. If you decide to tell people about yourself, as many people as you decide that need to know that is your god given right to do so.

[MaryAnn40c]

my wife knows I dress and so does my youngest daughter...some of my old female friends know and I an soooo happy that they know! All are still there and i do what I need!

[Contessa]

Contessa why on earth would anyone here be angry with you, it is your life you go shout it from the roof tops if it makes you happy. the main theme of the advice given in this thread is just have a good think about things,
weigh up all the options and think how things could affect you life.
No-one is saying don't tell anyone or to just keep it in the family. If you decide to tell people about yourself, as many people as you decide that need to know that is your god given right to do so.

Vickyheels

Hi you speak the truth, I understand and thank you. I guess before I always worried about how people react to what I say. So when I say something now I figure that I must apologize first. And now I won't say anything that may offend you. Thank you for your comments.

Tess

[jackie k]

59? Really? Awesome! Your beautiful!

[jackie k]

I want to thank all who replied with words of encouragement. What a relief it is just to talk. I've decided not to rock the boat right now. And I am going to let my wife see me. I imagine its like sky diving, the 1st time is always scarey. She has been so wonderful about this she deserves all of me. And I'm , one way or another,going to make time for jackie as much as I can. I deserve that!!! By the way, anyone have any helpful hints for softer skin?

[Tracii G]

Sounds like a good plan for now I wish you all the best.

[Stephanie47]

Hi Jackie. What I am getting from your posts is a life full of stresses. My desire to cross dress increases with the increase in stress. I do not recommend 'revealing' yourself to others. You will lose control of the situation. You will not be able to put the Genie back in the bottle. You have a supportive wife,which is really the only other person you need to concern yourself with. I can understand not wanting to take the step to appear en femme to your wife. However, from your comments I really do not think she would be anything but positive.

What I think you really need is time with your wife anyway from your stresses. You and your wife need to pack your feminine clothing in a car and take a vacation. Rent a cabin on a lake. Rent a houseboat. Rent a condo for a week. Relax. I see a lot of bottled up desire to escape stress. As a retiree with a working wife, I am able to express myself within the boundaries I have set for myself. You need to just plain get away with your lovely wife for a well deserved vacation. Jackie needs some private play time.

[donnalee]

Hi, Jackie & welcome-
The first thing about your posts I noticed seemed to be a lack of self acceptance. If you don't accept yourself, it will be impossible to expect others to accept you; this is the first of the ducks you need to get in a row.
I can understand your desire to keep information private. The only sure way to protect a secret is to keep it to yourself. I don't know your particular situation beyond what you've offered here, but if you could possibly lose something (like a job or other income, social or religeous , etc.) by having your private life made public, you owe it to yourself and anyone in your life who might be affected to keep that info tightly.controlled.
Another big factor is the high amount of stress in your life already; by adding the concern of sharing your "inmost you" with others you will increase, maybe double, the stress level for yourself and those close to you. I suggest limiting your sharing to this forum for now until you feel more secure about it.

[DanaR]

Jackie, welcome to the forum. While you are trying to find out who you are, try to be understanding of your wife because she will probably have many questions along the way as well.

[suchacutie]

Hi Jackie. Our first time (wife and me) was my very first time ever dressed! We decided to incorporate it into an overnight we were spending away from home (just the two of us) and it worked incredibly well! Just head off to the bathroom and emerge as Jackie!

It's interesting that this approach separates this very intimate connection between you and your wife from the rest of your lives, since it's not happening "at home".

Just a thought :)

tina

[Debra Russell]

Jackie - we all are in the same boat and that's exactly why we are all here! This place is a place of refuge and of expression. All have come at a different time in there cd expierence and it's a pleasure having you share your self with us...................Debra

[jackie k]

When I read all these replys it makes me want to cry. Someone understands! Wants to help. And not make me out to be the outcsat I feel I am sometimes. I am so glad I found you all !!!

[Eryn]

Ok, here goes. I'm 51. I've lived my whole life in the same small midwest town in nebraska. I've had these "feelings" for as long as I can remember. And I thought there was something wrong with me....Fast forward,drinking problem,self loathing, yadayadayada.

Wow, I could be looking in the mirror! Early 50s, lifelong "feelings" that I thought were wrong, self-loathing. depression. Yes, they're more common than we think!


Today I am sober and married to the single most wonderful,understanding person I have ever met. She is my best friend. And she does know about my dressing and supports me 100%. She buys me clothes, make-up,shoes, my 1st wig. And she has never seen me in any of them cuz I can't seem to get over the shame, guilt,and embarrassment and just the feeling that I'm bad.

Yes, I had a very difficult time dressing in front of my wife at first. She also had difficulty with seeing the "in-between" stages. With time the difficulty diminished for both of us and now when we're getting ready to go out it is pretty much two girls doing their makeup and dressing. In your case I'd recommend that you explain your anxiety to your wife and plan a low-stress activity (dinner at home, watch a movie on DVD...) that you can do dressed. She will need to become acclimated to you as much as you to yourself so the low-key approach is often the best.



The kid never sleeps and never knocks before coming in our room.

Three words: Lock the door. If it doesn't have one, install one. You need some time to yourself just as much as your child needs attention. If you're frustrated and angry then you cannot be a good parent. Obviously you can't do this all the time, but if there is another caregiver in the house to tend to your youngest then you are justified in taking some "Me Time."