New and confused GG

[MissMuffet]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

[Soccer21]

I am just an occasinal fetish dresser that it is mostly just sexual. I am not and don't plan on being female 24/7

[Elizabeth]

Hi Missmuffet,

I am not what you are looking for as I am transsexual, however you will find many people like your husband. It is much more common than you might think. Welcome, you are in the right place. You will be treated kindly here.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Soccer21]

I'm not sure what I can do to help but I hope I can. I don't have all the answered to your questions but I would like to try and help you and help you understand better

[RADER]

Hi Missmuffet, and welcome to the forum, We are glad you found us.
I am a 65 year old cross dresser, married for 18+ years to the best girl
in the world. I have no desire to change into a woman or be one full time.
I just enjoy wearing womans clothes.
I am firmly in the closet, (I do not go out) dressed in womans clothes. However
in the rite circumstance, I will under dress and go out of the house.
After you get 10 posts under your belt, you can join FAB club, (Female at Birth),
Then you can talk privately with other girls and get their opinions and ideas.
Rader

[darla_g]

I think I can kind of relate to what your husband is calling a crossdresser. I like to dress up occasionally with my wife's support and assistance. I don't have a need to do it all the time, nor do i take any other substances like hormones or anything like that to make me more female.

This is all I want to do, as in this is my stop on the bus I am getting off here. There are others that wish to go further, dress all the time or maybe go out and meet other CDs or whatever. At the far end of the continuum are people, like Elizabeth and are dressing because they are thinking or maybe further along in the process of changing their biological sex because they have a deepset belief that they were born with an incorrect biological gender.

You had mentioned the notion of a fetish and that goes to the sexual component of it. I would be lying if I told you that I crossdressed and it didn't have a sexual element of excitement to it. Its probably not as strong as when i first started but it is still there. I think after a while we also try to improve our skills and try to look more female, but it is a challenge. So I would almost consider it like a type of art form.

I think if you are just exploring this for the first time there is a common misunderstanging that all CDs are gay. Some may be, or some may express a desire to be with a man when they are dressed which they may or may not ever fulfill. For some that may just be a fantasy. Me I have no desire to be with another man or a CD, but that is just me speaking for me.

So you may come here and be overwhelmed by what you read and its important that you not read too much into it. Talk to your husband about his crossdressing and find out how much or how little he wishes to pursue it. There are times that it seems to control your actions and when this happens the common term that is used here is the "Pink Fog". You may have delusions about how much you want to do this or what you want to do or whatever. Some people may take offense to my characterization but that is the way I see it. My pink fog moment might be something like going into a shoe store and buying like 6 pairs of womens shoes. I have a bunch of shoes already and probably don't have that many male shoes, but the Pink Fog takes over and i have to get those shoes!

The biggest thing is talk to him. My wife is getting to have a good understanding of my dressing, she will not hesitate to tell me when i go to far, but now we have opportunities to go out shopping and she gets stuff for me. It is fun for us. I like making jewelry and have made both of us lots of stuff for us to wear too, Like the necklace in my avatar.

Ask questions of us if you like, but the biggest part as i had said is talk to him.

[AllieSF]

Welcome to the site and, yes, you are definitely in the correct place. If you have done enough reading you will more or less understand that there is a whole spectrum to transgenders (used in the sense that transgender encompasses the complete spectrum, which some disagree with). So you have someone that likes to wear panties, another likes to dress completely with lingerie, some type of false breasts, wigs, makeup, nice out fit and then stay at home and enjoy the moment, sexually or just chilling out, then you have those like me that dress completely and go out and have no sexual satisfaction from do that. From there we are entering the transsexual side where people are from my situation all the way to needing to transition into a life as a full time woman with or without major surgeries. That was all for some basic Transgender 101 education.

So, your BF is somewhere in that spectrum and may be just at the level he is comfortable with and has no desire to go further. Actually, this site is also a good place for him too. We are all different so what you read here may or may not be applicable to your BF. Enjoy your stay, ask your questions (please do not be shy), and after you get 10 posts you will be able to join the FAB Section (Female at Birth), which is primarily for the Female SO's of transgenders. It is really a safe haven to rant, rave, support and discuss issues you encounter as you try to come to grips with your new situation. I wish you the best and hope to be able to answer some of your questions in the near future.

[rhonda]

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

[AlysonCD]

Don't be confused do you want a boyfriend or a boy wanting to wear your clothes?

What kind of answer is that?

Also want to point out I am just an occasional Cd'er myself. Have been with my girlfriend for almost 9 years. I told her on our first "official" date since at the time I wasn't looking for anything serious. She's never had a problem with it and when we actually have time together she helps me dress and will do my make-up and such.

[AllieSF]

Yes, what exactly do you mean Rhonda?

[Karren H]

you have definitely come to the right place if your confused..... its what we do best here......

[Launa]

I'm a guy that has been married for 20 years and my SO has known about this side of me from the get go. I will never transition to be 100% female although I sure like to do all the things women get to do. I am more than the occasional dresser and quite possibly want to do it more than your boyfriend. I would like to do it 1-2 times per week if I could but I can't for various reasons so it happens every 1-2 months instead. There are lots of people here just like your boyfriend. I think this is the best site for people like yourself. I joined a couple sites about 1 1/2 years ago and they said they were open for discussions with everybody but it was actually just a bunch of women bashing us. When I would try and join in on a conversation I could tell I was not wanted and got short, curt answers from everybody so I bailed from the cranky site.
Most of the GG's here have questions that need to be answered and in turn we CD's have questions that we need honest answers from GG's like you. I think you're at the right place but it seems scary when you first join. Keep asking your questions, we all grow from it.

[RiverdanceGirl]

AllieSF is right on the money. It's a spectrum. People who like the softer silkier fabrics of women's clothing (until recently men's underwear was like sandpaper, chafing and rubbing in all the wrong places. Wearing panties just for a break from that awful feeling is a reason to crossdress in itself), people for whom it is a sexual experience, people who don't like to be told what they can and can't wear and like to decide for themselves, people who have a stronger than usual feminine side that needs to be expressed and clothing helps with that, people who just feel more comfortable in women's clothes, people who have a duality of male and female, and people who are women mistakenly put into male bodies. There are hundreds more reasons that I haven't listed.

Myself, I'm on a journey to discover who and what I am. For many years I repressed the feminine side of me only allowing myself to crossdress for fetish reasons and feeling really guilty about what I had to hide but couldn't live without. There are medical factors to be taken into account in my case too. As it stands I feel that I am half male and half female. Each cannot survive without the other unless I want to go back to living in misery and denial. Do I want to become a woman? That is what I need to find out. It's different for everyone.

Your boyfriend may well just like dressing for the sexual thrill. If it goes deeper than that, then you've probably got a guy who will love you and treat you right since he will be sensitive to how you feel, and it doesn't mean the end of your sex life at all.

[Angelofsomekind]

Every one of us is different. You can ask 100 of us what we want out of this and you can get 100 different responses. I'd say it's a huge step that he told you, and it's a good sign that you came here to find out more about it.
Personally I don't know if I'd say I dress as a fetish, but I guess that's how I started. While I do always have some article of girls clothes on, 99% of the time it's something no one else will ever see, so other than my wife and I knowing about it, everyone else seems to think I'm just another guy. I also have no plans on living full time or transitioning.

The best thing to do is have an honest conversation with him to find out what exactly he might want out of this.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Miss M. There are as many different answers as there are crossdressers I'm almost 70yrs.old
been dressing for about 65yrs. Married about 49yrs. I am just a guy that loves to dress
to look as feminine as possible.

You should scroll down and get on the wifes fourm (Loved ones) Forum to get some more answers
also the ( FAB) (female at birth) forum

[Nikki A.]

Welcome and be assured that you're in the right place. Like the others said we are a broad spectrum and not all of us are looking to become women. There are some who are occasional dressers and some more so.
I will say this, as time goes on sometimes there is a change in desires. However when there is a commitment on both sides and understanding it can be something special. I would also talk and make sure that there are some boundaries set that you're both comfortable with.

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

Hi there miss muffet, welcome to the forum! I'm sorry about your confusion and hope you find some clarity soon. I would also like to congratulate you on being such an open minded caring SO, your boyfriend is really lucky to have you. To help with your question (hopefully), I can relate to your boyfriend. I dress only occasionally for the thrill of it. I love to feel sexy in my feminine attire, however I equally love everything that comes with being a guy so I wouldnt want to transition full time and lose out on my guy side. it's just like you said, a fetish or as I like to say just another hobby I have. Hopefully I was able to help. Feel free to pm me any more questions you may have

[Marcia Blue]

Miss Muffit,
You have come to the right forum. There is a Forum just for Females At Birth, or the FAB forum for short. Get in ten posts and join the rest of the GGs.

I am a crossdresser, no plans ever to be a women. I am married to the love of my life for 28 years. I really never did this as a fetish though. I started Cding when I was 5 years old. No sexual ideas in my young mind.
We do have members who Cd as a sexual thing.

Your BF must really trust in you, to even tell you about being a CD. Join the FAB forum. The GGs can be more supportive to you, even though we CDs really try.

[Pretty Nails]

There are as many kinds of transgendered people as there are so called "normal" people. One thing to keep in mind is that this type of activity, to some degree or another, is more normal than most any of us thought when we first ventured out to our SO, the web or a trusted confidant. Even to those that choose to remain in the closet. We found that there were far more of us than we ever imagined. I love to dress and I love make-up and girly things but I do not have any plans to transition and this does not seem to create any conflict in me. There are sexual reasons I do this but also I just love to be pretty and girly.

Your boyfriend told you likely because he loves you and does not want this to build up secretly and potentially "explode" in your face. Seems to me he trusts you and wants you to know all of him. I know that I kept it a secret from my wife for many years and it was damaging to both of us when I finally came clean a few years ago. What I found was that after my wife had come to at least acknowledge my crossdressing our lives, both sexually and daily routine stuff, became smoother and we became closer. She does not fully approve of my CD activities but she has surprised me with how much she has let me go on with it. There are rules and I try my best to stick to them.

Don't stop communicating with him. He made a big step and it was probably for you more than him but that why you need to keep talking.

Welcome to the forum and I hope we can help you navigate the new course you are on. It's not all stormy seas as you may fear. The adventure may well be just beginning.

[Tracii G]

Welcome glad to have you here.
I think you can find answers here better than anywhere else or get honest answers from honest people.This site is very clean which is why I am here.
Allie SF is right on the money in my opinion.Its different for everybody so its hard to make any blanket statements or get a definitive answer sometimes but you will get a general understanding of the hows and whys of CDing.
The main question I get is "you crossdress? OK I didn't know you were gay". Well I'm not gay and that confuses them even further.I would say 80% of guys that crossdress are straight.
To some its a fetish and to some its an expression of oneself.No hard lines or rules and thats what makes it hard for people to understand.
Because a guy chooses to crossdress does not make them a pervert or some kind of sexual deviant far from it.
Myself I have done it off and on for years but not for sexual reasons just letting my other side or personality come out.I am 59 BTW.
I have a gruff male side and am all man.I do have a soft and feminine side too and to keep that side bottled up inside me is not healthy.
So I chose to show my female side when I feel like it I have no plans to change sexes physically.
I look at it as being bi gendered or having a "gift" to be able to cross genders and present myself in a way I choose.
I came out to my SO right from the start and told her so there would be no uneasy moments.She was fine with it because she knows I am the same person inside no matter what clothes I am wearing.
Your BF did the right thing and its not an easy thing to explain to a woman trust me.He confided in you and did the honorable thing.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi MissMuffet

Crossdressers (just like everyone else in the world) come in many shapes and sizes and we all have different likes and dislikes about this wonderful thing that we enjoy. Everyone here knows that wearing women's clothes feels nice. They grip you in different places than men's clothes, the styles and textures of silk and lace feel different on your body and that strange different feeling is nice, and we like it .... and that's totally ok. :happy:

Some folks get a sexual thrill out of it (to a greater or lesser extent) and others are more serious about it (like me) and have a strong feminine side to their personality and use CDing as kind of like taking a "gender vacation". That somewhat seriousness does not mean we want a sex change. That not a crossdresser, that's a transsexual. IMHO the majority of CDers are usually "part-time girls".

[sterling12]

Certainly you would agree that no two women are exactly alike, and the same is true for Transgendered people. It's a Spectrum of behaviors, (transgendered is the umbrella term we use to be all-inclusive) and it covers everyone from the occasional "fun" crossdresser, to The Post-Op Transexual. The majority here are probably MtoF crossdressers who have pushed beyond "occasional" and have feelings about being "women on the inside." But, I could and maybe should, get argument about saying that!

There are other "Teaching" Sites often promulgated by University Types who don't "talk the talk, and walk the walk. You'll also run into a lot of Pornography, and even some Christian "Hate" Sites whose only aim seems to wish us harm. So my opinion would be: "Why not here?" We have a fair number of women who are participating, many of them are in your shoes, and I think you will get a spectrum of opinion from everyone. What you will also obtain are some "coping skills," for dealing with what you probably perceive as a current problem. Most women want to "understand," and this is as good as any place to learn. Your first move is to seek permission to join The GG Section. Possibly, reading through The Archives in that area will answer a lot of your questions.

One other caveat in passing. Perhaps your boyfriend means exactly what he says, and perhaps not. Most of us have had a lifetime learning to conceal, and "soften the blow." We have often learned to "drib-drab" out our secrets, and things often get told in stages. If he has more to tell you, (and it might not all be bad) don't be surprised. We don't want to lose you BEFORE you start to learn. That way, both of you lose!

You got The Right Place! Now, it will be up to you to make use of it.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jenniferathome]

First, welcome and second, no, the overwhelming number of us do not want to transition. I am sorry that you got that vibe from this site but 99+% of cross dressers are straight and like being men. Crossdressing is weird for sure, but the key is communication. Ask any question you like and he should answer but do know that none of us really understand it. It just is. In all likelihood, he has been this way since a very young age.

Also, there are many women on this site who have come to grips with their husband's or boyfriend's crossdressing. Do reach out to them as well.

[Ressie]

Missmuffet, I would like to hear more about you. How long have you been with him? What is your age group? But I want to let you know that chances are very good that being a CD is his only surprise. If you participate in his fantasies, he won't cheat or lie like many men do. Let's face it, most men are jerks. CDs are much more understanding of women... and I hope the GGs here agree with me. As for me, I'm the fetish type.

This site is the best place to learn from others' experiences. And the culture here seems to be CDs that like to pass in public. But there is much more beneath the surface.

[lingerieLiz]

This is one of the best sites on the net about this subject. Gender, sexuality, and all the other variations of our lives is complex. Because one is a CD has no statistical differences from non-CDs as far as being gay. There are many variations here of lifestyles so don't assume that if your boyfriend is CD he will want to assume other lifestyles.

I grew up in the 50s/60s when not much was known about sexual orientation. I thought I must be gay because I liked to CD. That was the consensus at the time. I found that I was not interested in boys and truly liked girls. I told my wife before we were married and have been married for 40+ years.

I have gone out dressed, but many here have no desire to, and I do wear mostly women's clothes. Why, I have no answer other than it is who I am. Why are people different on so many other things. All I can say is be open about your boyfriend's desires. He cares about you enough to tell you. You will have to spend time learning about your fealings. Some women can not handle the challenge of dealing with this. Only you and he can determin your future.

[Duana]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!


I'll try.



My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser.


Congratulations. You've entered a new, interesting phase of life.



Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women?
...
But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.


I can't profess to speak for most crossdressers, but I can speak to human nature and my personal experiences. I'm going to speak in generalities with the awareness that that is exactly what they are. They're also only my opinion.

Here are the bombshells:

1. Crossdressing is progressive, given the appropriate environment.
2. Crossdressing is as addictive as any drug.

If you take those as fact, it is easy to draw the following conclusion:

The more you crossdress, the more you want to crossdress.

So, what do you do? Go down the rabbit hole like my SO did? She's been completely encouraging and I crossdress all the time. She loves it and really has no concern about whether or not I'm a boy or a girl. The reaction is always the same; love.

My advice is, if you want to keep it in the bedroom, you better lay down some rules about when, where and how often. Be aware the more rope you give, the more he will take.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Welcome, Miss Muffet! You have found the right place, but I can understnad why you mnight think you haven't. There are many, many, many of us who have no desire to live as women, transition, etc. and are very occasional dressers. And most of us have no desire for this to grow into full-time dressers. The topics that get posted here are from everyone, and I know lately the more popular postings (meaning those with the most hits as well as the more frequent topics) may make it seem like you wandered into something different. But please, by all means, ask any quesitons you might have.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.Dear Miss M,

I really hope you stick around long enough to read this, because I identify totally with what your BF has told you.

I'm middle aged, I've been doing this since I was 8. It started after a couple of things happened then, I think it just "Imprinted" me.

I used to do it simply as a sexual thrill thing. I still do it sometimes just for the kick. Somewhere along the line, I realized I liked the comfort, and look, of panties. ( fairly plain ones, but have you compare regular mens stuff? Yuck! ) Also along the way, i realized I have a strong feminine streak, I don't think that had anything to do with being a CD, but it's helping to keep me from giving it up.

I've examined my motivations at length.

I'm not gay or Bi.

I have no intention, or ever had the feeling that I might want to transition.

I've never fully dressed, don't think I want to.


The fact that your BF has told you this indicates a high degree of trust he has in you, and that he thinks that you are important enough to him, that he wants to be totally honest with you. Consider that, and the fact that it took a lot of courage to tell you.

[Sophia Claire]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

The extent to which we take this varies by the individual. There are those who do want to live as women, and those who are going to get surgery to become women permanently, and those who do it for a sexual thrill, and literally dozens of shades of gray. I can understand why you're confused and scared, and I can see why your boyfriend suggested some of these sites for support. We're a generally friendly and approachable lot, so feel free to ask questions! I can't speak for the rest of the ladies here, but I am particularly difficult to offend, so feel free to be blunt. One of the things you might have noticed is a common source of angst among heterosexual crossdressers is that this can be a lonely lifestyle because there are precious few women out there who are accepting of this. The fact that you're here makes you a better person than most, IMHO, so I don't assume any intention to offend.

Here's a couple of questions for you: What confuses you about us? What scares you about this lifestyle? And perhaps most important, what do you hope to learn from us? What are you looking for in this research?

[KellyJameson]

Hi Miss Muffet (cute name)

To admit to a fetish to me is an act of honesty that many usually try to avoid admitting to so I would be inclined to trust his words.

He also seems to be clear about who he is and why he does what he does adding to my inclination if I was in a relationship with him to trust him and not worry about the future as it pertains to the crossdressing

From what I have learned by participating in this forum, there is a very strong fetish aspect to crossdressing at one time or another in most crossdressers lives but this forum is less about sex and more about life so you are not seeing it in what you are reading because you have not been here long enough.

In my opinion male sexuality is like a candle in the wind but also a bull in a china shop. It is a strange mixture of fragility and animal instinct. Add to this that males are not meant to be monogamous but must be socialized to be monogamous and you have the potential for a lot of unhappiness

If I was a woman trying to hold a mans sexual interest it would not be the crossdressing that would scare me as much as my concern over whether or not I could hold his sexual interest solely in and for me overtime.

I would have to understand how to manage a force of nature. How to channel, direct and harvest it much like you would a raging river. You would have to understand the person very well to be able to do this and they would have to be willing to be known for you to accomplish this.

Monogamous sex cannot not be sustained without the total trust that allows for the possibility of being "known" by the other. Unless each person feels totally safe without need for secrecy and defense from the other you will not be able to know how to blend yourself into him and he into you and you will end up with a adversarial relationship.

The obstacle and problem is male sexuality which is simultanously very weak (candle) and very strong (bull), not the crossdressing fetish which is just an aspect of it.

[DeeArel]

Miss Muffet, if he was your kind of guy before the revelation, embrace the revelation and discover a wonderful relationship.

It has been estimated that 10% of the male population are crossdressers.

[Jessica86]

First off, welcome to our site! The thing about dressing is that each person is different. I know I have been doing this for 21 years and I'm 26. I started at 5 when my sister wanted a little sister, and I would spend more time with her than my brother. I am not a fetish dresser per say. I like to just dress up, go out, have fun shopping, driving, walking in a park, store, or just sit outside. I am married. I have been for three and a half years to a woman I've known for six. She fully supports what I do. I also have two children, a three year old and a three month old. To me, dressing is about leaving this world I live every day behind. I dress fully about once a month. There are all types of people that do what we do. A majority are heterosexual males who do not want to transition. A majority of members on this site are that way as well. Most do not talk much because living full time as a full transexual takes constant help and support from those who have been there. I can't tell you that you will be able to accept this. Only you can. I am thankful that you are here, and we need more people like you. Unfortunately the best way to find out what kind of dresser he is is to sit down and talk with him. What does he currently do? Does he have future plans? What does he expect from you? Then, ask yourself what YOU can tollerate. Don't be afraid to voice something is too much. Talk about it, and make rules. If you ever need any help, we are all here to support you.

[Jeanna]

Crossdressers are weirdos! Run away quickly! Just kidding, welcome to the site. You are in the right place learn and most of all have an open mind.

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you are asking whether or not it is possible for your boyfriend to be someone who dresses up as a fetish and not desire to be a transsexual or gay, then the answer is YES! Take it from someone who has been in the transgender community a long time, and someone who works with trans people, yes it is absolutely possible to crossdress just for fun and pleasure, and it does not mean your boyfriend is a transsexual.

[Jolene Robertson]

Welcome to the site. I (we) are glad you are here. This is a good site with a lot of information and plenty of honest discussion. The fact that you are here indicates a desire to learn more about us and that is a fantastic thing as so many will just through everyone into a basket and say that is who we all are.

We (CD) fall into a number of categories as does the rest of society, I for one have no desire to transition nor am I gay. My wife supports me and it has made us closer and opened up a more fulfilling communication, as such there is now way that I would do anything to jeopardize our relationship. After joining this site I realize how precious it is to have a supportive spouse.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Please feel free to ask any question you may have, someone here (or many someones) will be glad to give their honest answers. The only wrong question is the one you don't ask.

Jolene

[Crissy Kay]

Welcome to the site Miss M. I am pretty much like your BF. I used to get really turned on by dressing, now I just enjoy it. I am still just a part time dresser, mainly on weekends. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

[Aprilrain]

Unless you have been reading threads in the TS section I'm surprised that you have gotten the impression that CDs want to "live as women". The very definition of a CD is that the clothes come off to reveal a man with a male persona, identity, and life. I think it is somewhat common for CDs to progress to some extent in their CDing like from closet at home dressing to going out to a club with some other CDs but that is it and many have to curb their desires for pubic appearances to placate a significant other so they don't even do that much!

[Joanna41]

Your definitely in the right place...I dress occasionally and have no desire to become a woman full time...i enjoy the challenge of female impersonation and keeping up with all the things that go with it...fashion, hair, makeup. We all look forward to answering any questions so please ask us anything.

Joanna

[bobbimo]

Hi Miss Muffet! Welcome aboard.
Its very hard to tell someone about having a cross dressing desire. Once its out the CD has to gauge how the news went over if its accepted.
If you looked somewhat nervous but accepting, then the CD will tell you its just an occasional thing, and sexual.
This is NOT something that you can do occasionally. It draws you in and you want to do more, learn more, go out into the world as a girl.
If you accept him and his gurl side. Then have fun with it.
Help her out with makeup, mannerisms, clothing selections, and then when your comfortable, go out for a drive or a walk together.
Support is the key. Don't be fooled to think this will only be a once a month dress up thing.
you can read "my Husband Betty", for some pointers. But mostly support anf enjoy getting a girlfriend and a boyfriend for the price of one.

[melissakozak]

Miss Muffet,

Coping with this aspect of your love life will be challenging to say the least!! Of course you are shocked, but look at the upside here. He informed you before you were together for years. I am assuming 'new' boyfriend means a few months at the latest. I informed my now wife of 20 years about 4 months after I started dating her, and we have now been together for 23 years. So, his honesty is refreshing. It is true, but extremely rare, that some CDs progress to living full time en femme. Being transgendered is like living on a sliding scale. And nearly all of us have to 'transition' to self acceptance. This does not mean a sex change, hormones, etc. But finding a way to accomodate this aspect of your relationship into your future together is essential. Several questions have to be answered.
How often will he dress? What will he desire to do while dressed? With who will you mutually share the secret? What about relatives? What is his orientation? We know he likes women, but does he like men as well?

From the sounds of it, though, he sounds like an occasional crossdresser with some fetishistic component. Many of us have had or have some component of sexual arousal surrounding crossdressing, especially in our teen years when the hormones are raging. Some of us also have some form of autogynephilia (aroused at the thought of having a woman's body....look up Dr. Anne Lawrence's work. She is accurately describing some trans behavior, but she wants to lump nearly every CD and TS into this category to some degree, which I strongly disagree with). This does not mean he ultimately wants to change genders or undergo a sex change operation.

Several books are quite helpful. Peggy Rudd's classic work, My Husband Wears My Clothes, is a great read, even if it is over twenty years old. Their is a forum for wives called crossdresserswives.com that Dee Levy moderates, and I have gone to this site several times, but frankly, most of the posts are degenerative and negative. Imagine finding out about this after 10 years of marriage and two kids? Many, many wives find out years down the road, and frankly, something this big is a genie in the bottle that MUST BE DISCUSSED prior to marriage, in my most humble opinion.

The younger generation of adults is having an easier time dealing with this than most of us middle aged CDers because the topic of trans people has now become almost daily tabloid news....have an open mind, explore his gender orientation and try to have a little fun with it. Crossdressing can either enhance or destroy a relationship.

[jillleanne]

Well written Melissa Kozak and to the point. I do hope the op'er will take her time and develop a picture of the complete spectrum in her mind; a road map if you will that can give her some guidance into the transgender world. The variations of, or levels/stages in a transgender persons' world are so diverse and possibly ever changing, that it is simply too hard to define in a sentence.
Miss Muffet, ask alot of questions and do not hold back in expressing your opinion or concerns. I do hope this site can be of assistance to you in developing an understanding of the all too often abused and misunderstood life of a transgender person.

[Jennifer W]

Miss Muffet, Welcome! I hope you are still here (I haven't see any more posts from you here) this is the correct place to be!

[Cheryl T]

Miss Muffet,
This is the place to be. You will find that most of the other sites you encounter through an internet search are sexually oriented. This is not that type of site.
That being said, NO, most of us here do not want to live 24/7!!
If you spend enough time reading posts and filtering things and asking questions (as you just did) you will find that there is no single description that fits us. We are all individuals with varied reasons for our dressing. You will find that it runs the gamut from those that wear only a particular type of clothing to those that are true TS and everywhere in between. Each of us has our own reasons and background, though you may find that many of our stories sound very similar. While there are many similarities there are just as many differences. Every one is unique.

If you have questions ASK!
Remember, there are no stupid questions....only stupid answers.

Also, there is the FAB section (Female At Birth) for genetic women only. Once you have posted a minimum of 10 times you will be able to request access to that area (if you wish) and there you will be able to read and post with other women and obtain their viewpoints. Ask a moderator for assistance on this.

Inquiring minds want to know... and if you don't ask you won't know....we don't bite.

[wife stephanie<3]

I can only speak for me. My husband told me about 2 or 3 weeks ago. Last night, we celebrated our 7 years married. However, we have been together 14 years. I have known for about 13 years that my husband wears pantyhose. While in college, there were a few occasions that he asked to try for more like make-up and a dress. We did buy a nightie as well. He was confused/ashamed/whatever for so many years, not knowing what he really wanted: TORN. Once he came to accept himself more, he told me. He didn't want to lose me or our kids. I need honesty and trust. It did come as a little of a shock, but now thinking about it, it shouldn't have. I just didn't consider the pantyhose as a CD thing (thought of it as something else), but ultimately I didn't know the extent of it. Probably, because he didn't know the extent of it all.

I agree totally about talking with your boyfriend. Honesty is a major thing you both need. He needs to be honest with you and himself as well as vice versa. This site has made me ask a lot of questions of my husband. It gave me a lot of insight about what I want from all of this and what I don't want. Trust me, I am still asking questions and probably will always ask questions. I don't want to push things on him, I want him to think about everything. To be honest with himself and me. I did set some ground rules because there are somethings I don't ever want, somethings I could try and somethings I have been ok with so far. No matter what at this point, it has brought us closer. We are openly talking about stuff, not just CD stuff either. I feel like I can now express things more without bottling them up and letting them explode eventually. There are days I have some problems. Maybe it is problems with him and not her! Maybe it is my own internal problems! But I do love my husband.

At least hear him out and talk to your boyfriend. If you decide you can't be with him as a boyfriend because of some hang up, at least you know more about yourself and maybe you gained a friend. I hope this helps.

[almisami]

Hello and welcome,

I don't consider myself a full-time nor fetish crossdresser, but I do understand that many concerned individuals will be flabbergasted when turning to the crossdressing community for understanding.

You'll have to understand that the crossdressing society (and the greater pool of users on this site) come to crossdressing for a myriad of reasons including, but not limited to, fetishes, love of feminity, gender dysphoria or, in my case, a kindred for soft tactile stimuli (you'd be surprised how few men get any). A single individual might be drawn by one or many of those reasons and may actively disagree with others but while the ends are initially various the means are what bring us here.

Regarding the universal case (you really should be discussing with your inner self or your partner about this about the specifics, not a forum lurker like myself), you will likely find a crossdresser’s feminity gradually creeping into every aspect of his life over time as he accepts crossdressing into his life (the actual speed, magnitude and sphere of interest of which varies from individual to individual). This is inevitable and repressing it never leads to anything good. This is not to say constructive criticism shouldn’t be applied (as most are waltzing into it just as blind as anyone else), but the psychological burden relieved from the individual through crossdressing usually leads to a more nurturing, relaxed and happier person overall.

While most who greet the community quickly understand that there is no correlation between crossdressing and homosexuality, many are worried by the fact that many crossdressers decide to wear full-time or turn out to have been repressing transsexuality. This is usually not the case, but it is true that crossdressing often serves as a psychological gateway towards further change that neither the crossdresser nor his partner may have been prepared for. If this is the case, professional counseling (both individual and couples’) is really the best available tool to help you come to terms with the situation. (This is still the individual you know and love, just viewed from a new, more inclusive perspective.) Realistically, though, most crossdressers end up quite content with their masculine sexuality and only find that the discovered feminine aspects complement and enrich it rather than the popular perception that they end up sexually neutered.

This is all I can blurt out off the top of my head without going overly specific and having to do in-depth explanations regarding the common questions regarding specific issues. If you do harbor any of those feel free to message me.

In addition, if anyone feels this quick intro is somehow misguided or incomplete regarding something you think is important (skewered perceptions do happen) feel free to let me know and I’ll edit it in. (This is V1.3)

Peace to all,

Azurielle

[kimdl93]

I'm sure by now all the responses you've received have added to your confusion. I would like to suggest that you first disregard the relative number of posts as an indication of what CDing is about. Some people are more active on the site than others, and many of them are dealing with significant conflicts between their gender identification and their everyday lives. So, needless to say, their numbers may seem a relatively high percentage of all posts that you have read. The number of posts is not a valid survey, and does not represent the majority attitude among CDrs, even on this site. In social sciences this kind assumption would be termed sampling bias.

Secondly, this is a discussion board, not a polling place. So, its meant to encourage discussion and, with certain limits imposed to maintain decorum - or more precisely to prevent pointless arguing or purient sexual content. So, the discussion can range pretty far - reflecting interests as disparate as an occassional fetish dresser, a person identifies as male but enjoys sometimes dressing in womens things, individuals who have a blended gender ID...a little bit male a little female in varying proportins;and individuals who have pronounced gender dysphoria...basically were born in the wrong body. And there are gradients and variations of all kinds between the extremes.

What's true for one of us is not at all necessarily true for everyone. Sure we have common features and a lot of us have some degree of gender dysphoria...but you can't assess your boy friend based on us. The most you can gain from that very unscientific sampling of the CDing population is some idea of the kinds of questions you might ask, some idea of the ways that other GGs have responded to the knowledge that they had a CDing partner, and hopefully, some ways to enjoy this part of your boyfriends life.

The other thing I'd like to add is that in any group discussion, we are all guilty of "projection". Its hard to avoid. What I mean is that I may look at your situation and see my own. And my advice or my angst or my fears can be reflected onto your situation, whether they fit or not. So again, you have to take comments and recommendations with a grain of salt...maybe two.

[Rebecca Star]

I'm sure by now all the responses you've received have added to your confusion. I would like to suggest that you first disregard the relative number of posts as an indication of what CDing is about. Some people are more active on the site than others, and many of them are dealing with significant conflicts between their gender identification and their everyday lives. So, needless to say, their numbers may seem a relatively high percentage of all posts that you have read. The number of posts is not a valid survey, and does not represent the majority attitude among CDrs, even on this site. In social sciences this kind assumption would be termed sampling bias.

Secondly, this is a discussion board, not a polling place. So, its meant to encourage discussion and, with certain limits imposed to maintain decorum - or more precisely to prevent pointless arguing or purient sexual content. So, the discussion can range pretty far - reflecting interests as disparate as an occassional fetish dresser, a person identifies as male but enjoys sometimes dressing in womens things, individuals who have a blended gender ID...a little bit male a little female in varying proportins;and individuals who have pronounced gender dysphoria...basically were born in the wrong body. And there are gradients and variations of all kinds between the extremes.

What's true for one of us is not at all necessarily true for everyone. Sure we have common features and a lot of us have some degree of gender dysphoria...but you can't assess your boy friend based on us. The most you can gain from that very unscientific sampling of the CDing population is some idea of the kinds of questions you might ask, some idea of the ways that other GGs have responded to the knowledge that they had a CDing partner, and hopefully, some ways to enjoy this part of your boyfriends life.

The other thing I'd like to add is that in any group discussion, we are all guilty of "projection". Its hard to avoid. What I mean is that I may look at your situation and see my own. And my advice or my angst or my fears can be reflected onto your situation, whether they fit or not. So again, you have to take comments and recommendations with a grain of salt...maybe two.

That's a well thought-out and written post Kim :)
I also agree on the grain of salt comment too.

I'd like to add one of my observations, that is... While I believe this is a great place for support etc...etc and I for one appreciate the opportunity to be a member here, I do think it can have a negative influence if one becomes engrossed with spending all their time here.

Maybe it's just me but after spending most of my time here the first month I joined up, I was starting to get consumed by the "Pink Fog". I've since limited my time here and I'm not feeling so engrossed about my CDing or gender issues which I was starting to question about myself. Again, that's only me and my opinion, hopefully it's not like that for everyone.

[cindybabe]

Hi just another happily married occasional crossdresser who enjoys exploring her feminine side, but has absolutely no desire to be female at all.
Its only my wife who knows about Cindy and she has come to accept her and enjoy her company.
Your boyfriend was honest to tell you straight away and not let you find out in the future and be even more shocked
The key is communication and ask anything you like
You will find it's not that uncommon and they are plenty of us married with children who enjoy the experience of dressing and things, but once the dress is off can go back to being the man again lol

They are plenty of woman who once they get there head round this can accept his crossdressing and then again there are plenty who can't handle seeing there man in a skirt.
Only you will know

[Stephanie47]

Hi and welcome. I've been a cross dresser to some extent for over fifty years. I do not have any desire to become a woman. I enjoy being a man and doing things ascribed to men by society. I also like to seek refuge from the tensions imposed on men by society by dressing up. My journey started as a youth just trying on my mother's slips because the nylon felt nice on my body. For whatever reason it progressed to experimentation; dressing up more as a teenager. I'd say that was my 'sexual' period. They 1960's were rather restrictive for hooking up with a girl for fun and games. After marriage my wife and I did some bedroom play with lingerie; nightgowns and stockings. For the longest time my en femme time was limited to buying slips and panties. When the male stresses of life increased, so did my desire to cross dress. What does tat mean? Well, it means dressing fully as a woman, including a wig. I get an immense feeling of relief from stress. My desire to cross dress seems to have increased as war related PTSD started taking hold.

You did not say what your ages are, he and you! As one or two have pointed out, there are many cross dressers who find their desires increase. Cross dressing or fetish dressing in the bedroom may increase to more and more. If I thought twenty years ago I'd be baking and cooking and doing household chores in a bra, slip, panties, hosiery, high heels, a dress and wig, I'd just shake my head. That's where I am now.

My wife is not accepting. We're in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. Your boyfriend needs to be totally open with you, and, not string you along if his desires are more than bedroom fetish play. You need to set boundaries that you are comfortable with and he needs to observe. If you do not set boundaries, you will be totally along for the ride and you will lose any control in the relationship. That may sound like I am saying it is time to get out. My advice is pertinent for any relationship. If your boyfriend wants to spend all his waking time and all his money tricking out a truck or show car, you would want to have boundaries for that too. If there are not boundaries, then you become another trinket or toy for that person.

You really need to assess how cross dressing will affect your relationship with him. If you have been reading posts here for awhile, you will see cross dressing is not for many GG's.

[Kate Simmons]

It's really not so much the case Miss Muffet. It's more a case of many people here just being comfortable in their own skin.:)

[Joy3]

I read a post this am that discussed a CD explaining that she felt that she was two personalities, one male, one female and that she enjoyed both! I am very much the same way. I love being a husband, father and grandfather! I also love my female side which really comes out when I dress. I find when in female mode I am more sensitive and more relaxed. Perhaps I am bi-gender?

[Elle1946]

I dress when the mood strikes me. Sometimes everyday and sometimes once a week, just depends. I have no desire to change my sexual being, I am not gay and have been married to a very understanding wife for 38 years. She knows about my dressing and I can dress around her and she also goes shopping with me. Why I dress, I do not know it is just a part of me and has been there for many years. I have tried to stop many times and when I do I am just not me. I hope that this helps.

[NicoleScott]

Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read.

Yes, it seems that way.

At least three responses to this thread have suggested that you need to set boundaries. I disagree. You and your boyfriend should discuss and come to an agreement on the boundaries, conditions, rules, limitations, allowances......etc......... of his crossdressing activities. And neither of you should agree to any terms that you can't keep. If your level of tolerance/acceptance is less than his need for fulfilling his crossdressing desires, now is the time to find that out.

[carhill2mn]

You are not in the wrong place! This is a good place to learn more about crossdressing.

There are a wide variety of people on this site. There is no "one size fits all" way to categorize these people. Many who crossdress only do it on occassion. Others do it nearly every day. Some only wear certain articles of clothing. Some never leave "the closet" while others go out in public reguarily. There are also members who consider themselves to be
"trans"; ie, want to be full-time women with or without SRS.

Everyone is unique.

[giuseppina]

Hello Miss Muffet

Thank you for investigating MtoF crossdressing, rather than heading for the hills.

Your BF told you about his crossdressing firstly to build trust, and secondly to allow you to make a decision about this being a dealbreaker. Sadly, for some women, it is. Only you can make that decision.

About searching out information on the 'net:

You can safely ignore the porn which your searches have turned up. It doesn't represent the vast majority of us.

You can also safely ignore any hate and intolerance sites. Their only purpose is depersonalising us and pushing us underground, afraid to show our face. That said, there are those who would do us harm. Fortunately, they are few in number, but one does have to be careful about the part of town where we go out, if that is what your BF wants to do.

As for worries about sexual orientation, most of us are heterosexual. Some are gay or bi. The chances of your BF being gay or bi is the same as any male.

For my part, crossdressing is an escape. Someone mentioned post-traumatic stress disorder; this fits me as well. I have no interest in permanent modifications by surgery or hormones other than a hole or two in each of my earlobes. Further, I have no interest in going out dressed as a woman.

I agree with NicoleScott's post above.

Your BF was probably born this way. Very few of us are able to give up crossdressing without ill effects. Some become unduly aggressive, and some health effects have been observed.

And lastly, I encourage to to get your ten posts in to qualify for admission to the FAB section. There is rather high security there for a reason: a few CD comedians who thought it would be a good idea to infiltrate the genuine ladies discussion area. They didn't last long when they were discovered.

[JamieG]

Welcome. As you can already see, you'll get a wide variety of opinions on this site. I am a happily married, middle-age crossdresser. We've been married for 11 years, and I came out to my wife almost 10 years ago. At times it has been difficult for both of us, but we love each other and have found a way to make it work. I don't want to be a woman and typically only dress once or twice a month. We have agreed on boundaries that she is comfortable with and which allow me to fulfill my need to crossdress. The most important thing is to always communicate. I wish both of you a long and happy relationship.

[MsJanessa]

Yes, it seems that way.

At least three responses to this thread have suggested that you need to set boundaries. I disagree. You and your boyfriend should discuss and come to an agreement on the boundaries, conditions, rules, limitations, allowances......etc......... of his crossdressing activities. And neither of you should agree to any terms that you can't keep. If your level of tolerance/acceptance is less than his need for fulfilling his crossdressing desires, now is the time to find that out.

Good response---transgendered folks here range from 100% heterosexual crossdressers who only want to dress on an occasional basis or just for the sexual excitment of it to pre and post op transexuals who are looking for or have accomplished a full gender transition and from those who are fully straight to those who are exclusively gay---I guess now would be the time to talk to your bf about where he falls in that spectrum---and whatever you find out and decide to do in your relationship, don't think that you can "change" him so he won't have the desire to cross dress---the couples I know that have tried that have ended up very unhappy.

[Jilmac]

Hi Miss Muffet, and welcome to the forum. I think if you give it enough time (on this forum that is), you'll find that the great majority of members are straight, married and quite normal in every other way. Yes, for some dressing it a fetish, for others it's part of their being. But those who have transitioned or are considering transition, are indeed in the minority.

Speaking for myself, I dress for the pure pleasure it gives me emulating the feminine form. I'm not gay, have no intention of ever becoming a woman, but have been dressing in one form or another since my mid teens. I am now a senior citizen with adult children, grandchildren, a small business, and a part time job. I have done many of the manly things expected of most males but I still enjoy my femme time whenever and wherever I can.

I hope you'll give this forum a chance and perhaps clear up some of the confusion you are now battling. Again, welcome.

[sissystephanie]

I am a crossdresser very much like Rader! I am older, being 80, and I have been a crossdresser since I was 6 years old. But I have never wanted to be a female! I just like to wear female clothes! My late wife knew that I was a crossdresser before we married and it was her idea the we wear matching white silk lingerie to our wedding. We had a happy almost 50 years together before cancer took her!! My wife was the one who did my makeup and fixed my wig so that I could go out in public looking like a real female!! But she and I knew that I was always her man, no matter what I had on!!

This forum has all types of crossdressers on it, as well as lots of real females (GG's=Genetic Girls). Yes there are some CD's who really want to be a female, and there are some who live as a female even though they have never had the surgery to become one. As I said, there are all types on this forum. I think you will learn to enjoy it, and you will gain a lot of knowledge if you continue to read the posts!

[bridgetta]

CROSSDRESSING IS A CHAMPION THING TO DO!!! it is actually brilliant... there is an revolutionaryness to it.. it is fantastic but is very difficult to explain.. pull up a chair..

[jackie k]

Hi miss muffet

I am new to this site too. I've read and read and as a cd ,that dosent really know where the hell I'm at, I'm learning a lot about myself. These ladies are great with a lot of wisdom to share. And I agree that he is so lucky to have you. Your trying to understand and not rejecting him. And thats great. Their are others that aren't as fortunate to have someone to share this wonderful side of life. Talk to him and I'm sure it'll be ok. Good luck and have fun!

[Kelli Ca]

First let me say how great I think it is for you to explore this. And not pass judgement that shows me you must really care for your so. Next I am a married cd I don't do it all the time but do feel more comfortable. In femm ESP in the bedroom. Your are in the right place just keep posting and reading you'll see that there is a wide selection of people here. Check out the forum for spouses and so's bye for now

[MissMuffet]

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me! For once I'm not just a trophy or someone to have around when convenient. But then he told me about the crossdressing during a night of too much alcohol because he never told his ex wife and that ended horribly. He doesn't want to do that again. I'm not sure if the crossdressing wrecked the marriage or the fact he didn't tell her until three kids later? Guess it doesn't matter.

I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time? I would rather live with a man occasionally dressing as a woman than a full time thing. I can't help it. I love the way he looks in jeans and tee shirt and when he's shirtless dressing before work. I love his short hair. I even love his smell after he's had a work out. I would miss these things incredibly if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without the fulltime thing if you put your mind to it? Or am I showing ignorance again? It's hard for me to understand why you can't just not do this. I sort of understand the basic sexual, even comfort urge, but I'm struggling with why you would need to do it all the time. I had a boyfriend many years ago who was obsessed with a type of music that he listened to, wrote and talked about all day long. That relationship didn't last very long because I couldn't handle his single-mindedness. I need someone who won't obsess like this again. Some of you did say you were occasional dressers even after many years so I assume this is possible?

It's funny, but I'm feeling less scared of the dressing now and more scared of the future! I'm also thinking something very strange that no one mentioned so I wonder if I'm the weird one here. Lol. Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!

[MissMuffet]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!! :)

[Dana3]

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me! For once I'm not just a trophy or someone to have around when convenient. But then he told me about the crossdressing during a night of too much alcohol because he never told his ex wife and that ended horribly. He doesn't want to do that again. I'm not sure if the crossdressing wrecked the marriage or the fact he didn't tell her until three kids later? Guess it doesn't matter.

I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time? I would rather live with a man occasionally dressing as a woman than a full time thing. I can't help it. I love the way he looks in jeans and tee shirt and when he's shirtless dressing before work. I love his short hair. I even love his smell after he's had a work out. I would miss these things incredibly if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without the fulltime thing if you put your mind to it? Or am I showing ignorance again? It's hard for me to understand why you can't just not do this. I sort of understand the basic sexual, even comfort urge, but I'm struggling with why you would need to do it all the time. I had a boyfriend many years ago who was obsessed with a type of music that he listened to, wrote and talked about all day long. That relationship didn't last very long because I couldn't handle his single-mindedness. I need someone who won't obsess like this again. Some of you did say you were occasional dressers even after many years so I assume this is possible?

It's funny, but I'm feeling less scared of the dressing now and more scared of the future! I'm also thinking something very strange that no one mentioned so I wonder if I'm the weird one here. Lol. Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!

Crossdressing is one and only element ~ facet on your boyfriends persona ~ personality. Like anyone man or women? We each and everyone have a mosaic and many facets of who we are as individuals and people. Generally this is a combination of our on individual innateess and human beings. Its part nature and part nuture. Its part of who we were born, and what happens to us over the course of our lifetime ~ our experiences, who our parents were, our family dynamics, childhood and adult friends, our experiences in, with and through life.

We're all uniqune and individualistic ~ never in the course of the history of mankind has there ever been anyoune like him, like yourself, nor myself for that matter. And never in the course of the history of human history will their ever be anyone like us ever again. Even if human cloning permited ~ our clones would not be the complete and absolute mirrors of ourselves as they wouldn't have had the exact same experiences we have had over the course of our lives, nor hence once they came forth.

With that said, you will find that there is a mosaic of different kinds of crossdressers ~ and different levels. They are distrubuted across a wid bell curve..................... Some are comfortable with only dressing occassionally or even once in a great while. Others are comfortable with simply wearing panties, or some other single item. At the other end of the spectrum there are those that wish, want, need, desire to dress to "the nines"

For others its evolutionary, in that what may have once been a single item(s) once in a great while to fluctuations from one extreme (purging) to other extremes.

IMHO (And that's all it is ~ my opinion) your BF has an obligation and responsiblity to you to meet and fullfil your wants and needs. To do otherwise would be selfish, self-centered, and narcisstic. What those wants and needs are? Are for you to clearly state and spell out. Its obvious that he's stated and want, need, desire to cross dress (And for many of us? It very much a bit of all three ~ that we can't explain to oursleves let alone to anyone else.)

I think that before addressing HIS need to cross dress that you and he need to work on laying the cornerstone and foundation of your relationship. And this may necessitate both of you "re-training" your brain as it has been conditioned to view issues through the focus of cultural and societial lenses.

I would recommend that both of you read "GenderSpeak a book about the different communication styles that men and women have. On the same subject? There is "You Just Don't Understand" These books are about the different communication styles between men and women.

And insightful subject on the whole breath of the differences between men and women (And by the way covers "transgenderism" is the August 2012 editon of Scientific American. There is also the Febuary 2006 editon of National Geographic about "Love The Chemical Reaction" and the latest science has to offer about what Love is (on bio-chemical analysis with brain scans and such ~ The brain scans of men and women who are "in love" are almost idenitical to those of people of suffer from OCD ~ Obessive Compusive Disorder)

Going hand in hand with this is the book "Brain Sex which deals the full spectrum of bio-chemicals pre-natal, that form to make us who we are. It goes on to describe that sexual idenity and sexual attraction ~ preference are two totally and completely different things that are located in different regions of the brain. It explains why there are indeed homosexuals, bisexual, heterosexuals, asexuals, inner-sex, hermaphadites, transvestives, transexuals etc. Why an otherwide completely masculine male may have any of the above sexual orientaion ~ attraction.

There is also the book "Why Men Don't Have A Clue And Women Need Another Pair of Shoes and Why Men Don't Get Enough Sex And Women Don't Get Enough Love which delves into anthropological ~ evolutionary ~ cultural ~ societial influences as to why your "stereoypical" male or female are the way they are. Are I should what our pop culture, society, media defines as "normal" Another book that I would recommend is "Gender Shock"[U]

But rather than [B]YOU] focusing, concentrating, even dare I say obsessing about his crossdressing that the two of you concentrate and focus on the fundametals of your relationship, laying a good and solid foundation for your relationship! Building an open and honest dialog, communication, openess, trusthfulness, honesty. Toward that end I would recommend [U]"Light Her Fire" for him and "Light His Fire" for you. I would also recommend "Light Your Fire" for both of you as individuals. You can get these in paperbook, but there are also CD audios as well.

Going hand in hand with being a crossdresser, is guilt and anxiety especially if it was a significant factor in a previous relatoinship's demise. Crossdressers are prone to both, and most of us have to at the very least muddle through both at sometime or the other. Toward this end, I would recommend the audio program from the MidWestern Center titled "Attacking Anxiety and Depression"

Finding someone who loves and cares about you ~ I mean REALLY loves and cares about you? Is hard ~ all day hard. It sounds as though that both of you do. His being a crossdresser need not be a deal breaker, and if handled properly and viewed from the right perspective and approached from the proper can actually be relationship enhancer. Its hard enough for your so called "average ~ normal man" to find some as I've described. For a heterosexual crossdresser to finding someone who is at least willing to just open-minded enough to explore and look into the mere possibility of a relationship? Wow!

In so far as his dressing full-time, 24/7? Or obessing about it? Believe it or not? Your the one that's in the pilot's seat on that one. I think I can speak for most of crossdressers here that we wouldn't jepordize for love nor money someone such as yourself who was merely tolerant of the simple fact that we are crossdressers. Most of us are just looking for someone such as yourself who is willing to just tolerate the fact ~ let alone acceptance! Let alone complete acceptance! Participation? Yea right! Maybe after a thousand lifetimes together. (Just my personal persepective, opinon and experience)

I think he would be more than grateful at this time with the knowledge that your just "open" to the "possiblity of the possibilty" of simple tolerance ~ (Just too much to ask for acceptance this early in the game). I think that at this point in the game the two of you need to shelve temporaly (while keeping an open dialog on the subject) the subject of his crossdressing. I would acknowledge his "need" to crossdress (and it is very, very much a need for most of us) but also express your "needs" as a woman, an individual, a person. Some of those needs are establishing your own personal bounderies and limitations with this. You need time to educated ~ re-educated ~ re-train your brain ~ wrap your head around just the whole concept of the subject! And to do that you need time. Maybe just a little ~ maybe a lot. Your both are going to have to learn how to crawl with this before you can learn to walk, let alone run.

The key essential work here is PATIENCE ~ more so on his part than just yours. I think I speak for everyone here when I cannot stress to him ~ DON'T SCREW THIS UP!

Personally I'm going through this with my finance. She knows I'm transgendered ~ a heterosexual crossdresser. Would I forever more give up crossdressing if it came down to it for her, ~ for US! You bet you. But here's the kick in the head! Even if I never crossdress again ~ (And I'm not currently "active" in that relam of my life ~ because I'm focusing on her and our relatonship) I would still be a crossdresser.

But now again you just have to take one for the team. My own personal view is that there are three "entities" in our relationship. Her, myself, and "Us" ~ it is for the presevation of "Us" that I would forever more never crossdress again! (OK are at least curtail and reduce it to its most basic and simplest form to the absolute best of my ability)

Finlly in clossing your not gay! Don't even go there ~ at thrity-something? You would know by now.

[Dana3]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

I really don't see where any of that has changed. He obviously can and does fit the order, you've just discovered a different side of his persona. Tha he's with great trepedation, hesitation, reservation has shared with you. Most heterosexual crossdressers (about 90% of any and all crossdressers) are very masculine in their day-to-day lives.

[Jill Devine]

The dressing can grow and escalate over time - happens to many CDs - but if he is in his 50s then chances are that he has already found his happy balance. Less risk of his urges to grow more.

I'm 41 and happily married for 16 years. I know I've found my balance as a limited part time dresser and I'm ok with that. So is my wife. I know my would would prefer it if I stopped dressing but we have found our happy balance in life.

I have a theory that CDs who are accepted by their SO and who are not on the road to full female transition, make very good, kind, caring husbands.

Dive in and be happy.

[Dana3]

The dressing can grow and escalate over time - happens to many CDs - but if he is in his 50s then chances are that he has already found his happy balance. Less risk of his urges to grow more.

I'm 41 and happily married for 16 years. I know I've found my balance as a limited part time dresser and I'm ok with that. So is my wife. I know my would would prefer it if I stopped dressing but we have found our happy balance in life.

I have a theory that CDs who are accepted by their SO and who are not on the road to full female transition, make very good, kind, caring husbands.

Dive in and be happy.

Don't let out the secret There are only so many few of us to go around!

[Kate Simmons]

You need not worry about labels Hon. The important thing is caring about someone else and being cared for. That is the most beautiful thing. The fact is you do care as you are trying to learn about this and what makes us "tick". It can be a variety of reasons because none of us are exactly the same. I've more or less done this all of my life and have been in touch with my feminine feelings. I was a husband and a father and enjoyed it all. In the end, however, it was more than dressing that made my marriage unworkable.

For myself, it has more or less become an art form, something I like to do and have fun with as I love dancing when I'm able to all night at the local LGBT club.If, however, I do find the person for me I could put it on the back burner but only because I control it and not vice versa. Many cannot do that and in order to do that it takes really knowing yourself and being able to control your own destiny. I'm glad you found a nice person. The best thing I can recommend is the two of you talk, talk and talk about this, so you understand where you both are coming from, your needs and desires. Let us know how things go.:)

[Jacqueline Winona]

Mis M, it's not really putting your mind to it that stops most of us from dressing fulltime, uusally its lack of desire to do it all the time in the first place. Just using me as an example, it's been months since I've even wanted to dress "to the 9's," I could have if I wanted but there are so many other things I like doing. And most on the CD end of this spectrum (as opposed to the true transexuals who don't feel right as men) still want to do guy things most of the time. Based strictly on what you've said, I don't think you have much to worry about on that end.
Hope this helps! Thanks again for asking the questions, glad to see you're interested in answers. :)



Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me! For once I'm not just a trophy or someone to have around when convenient. But then he told me about the crossdressing during a night of too much alcohol because he never told his ex wife and that ended horribly. He doesn't want to do that again. I'm not sure if the crossdressing wrecked the marriage or the fact he didn't tell her until three kids later? Guess it doesn't matter.

I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time? I would rather live with a man occasionally dressing as a woman than a full time thing. I can't help it. I love the way he looks in jeans and tee shirt and when he's shirtless dressing before work. I love his short hair. I even love his smell after he's had a work out. I would miss these things incredibly if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without the fulltime thing if you put your mind to it? Or am I showing ignorance again? It's hard for me to understand why you can't just not do this. I sort of understand the basic sexual, even comfort urge, but I'm struggling with why you would need to do it all the time. I had a boyfriend many years ago who was obsessed with a type of music that he listened to, wrote and talked about all day long. That relationship didn't last very long because I couldn't handle his single-mindedness. I need someone who won't obsess like this again. Some of you did say you were occasional dressers even after many years so I assume this is possible?

It's funny, but I'm feeling less scared of the dressing now and more scared of the future! I'm also thinking something very strange that no one mentioned so I wonder if I'm the weird one here. Lol. Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!

[Aprilrain]

I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty,

I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time?

if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without

Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!

I'm in my mid thirties and my BF is in his early fifties also!

I'm surprised that you still get the impression that CDs want to "do it all the time" most never leave the closet and if they do its to venture out to a mall or some CD event and certainly not full time. Anyway if a "CD" wants to dress "full time", there is like a 99% chance they aren't a CD. They are more likely transsexual, like me, which involves a whole lot more than just playing dress up!

obviously you will have to find what your limitations are and express them to your BF. If you don't want to see him dressed tell him! but give him the space to do it because CDing doesn't go away.

Why would you ask someone you love to go without? Tell him your limits and if he loves you he will respect that but give him the same in return.

I think you are WAY over thinking this! You are not gay, he is not gay, hes just a dude that likes to do something that you have never heard of before but is actually a lot more common than people think.

Good luck to you and your BF If he is really that great of a guy I think you owe it to yourself to give him a chance. If he pushes you beyond your limits you can always kick him to the curb later!

April

[kimdl93]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

Life is full of contradictions, MissM. It sounds as though your BF is fairly masculine when he's in male mode, right? It doesn't make you gay (not that there is anything wrong with that) if you remain attracted to him when he's wearing a blond wig and a dress. It just means your attracted to his entireity as a human being. My guess is that the same is true for him, that he's attracted to you regardless of how you happen to be dressed at the moment. That seems like a good thing in a relationship.

Think about the positive you've mentioned regarding this guy...the way he looks, the fact that he listens to you, and the fact that he cared and trusted you enough to tell you something most CDrs are deathly frightened of revealing to anyone. He took that risk...to avoid the problem he had in his earlier relationship. Would you agree that this is commendable and speaks well of him as a potential partner?

The worries you have mentioned are so common. Rather than fret about it, just ask him. Based on experience he'll tell you honestly. While he probably can't guarantee the future, by his age, he's probably got a pretty good sense of who he is and where he wants his life to go.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Hi Miss Muffet,
I'm a GG and my SO is a member here too. He told me after nearly 30 years of marriage and when you come into the FAB forum (I hope you will) you will be able to read more about my story and others if you want to.

First of all, let me say that I felt very much like you when I first joined here - it seemed that virtually all the CD'ers were full time, and if they werent, then they wanted to be. I did panic a bit because I though "oh no, I cant cope if he wants to wear a dress 24/7" and I started imagining our life together was going to be very different. In actual fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I can honestly say that now, some 9 months down the line, nothing had changed for the worse, I feel we have actually gotten closer.
My hubby only dresses occasionally, sometimes once a month, sometimes once a week - but I am sure its not going to go further - he never wants to go out dressed and there are many on here with very similar aspirations.

Your boyfriend sounds very honest and the fact that he has told you about his CD'ing would indicate that he trusts you and wants the relationship to be long term. So, my suggestion would be, be honest with him. Tell him your worries, your feelings, your comfort levels etc. and see what he has to say - but really, from what you've said so far, it does sound as though he knows where he's at and isnt going to suddenly start dressing up every night and living 24/7 as a woman.

As for you feeling not so heterosexual - its really not about your sexuality or attractiveness being in question - even if you were Miss World, it wouldnt make an ounce of difference - CD'ing is about how the person sees themself and feels about themselves, not about how sexy/glamorous/feminine their partner is. Just because the guy you are in a relationship with occasionally likes to dress as a woman, it doesnt mean you're not a 100% normal woman. I would add however that I did have a little bit of this feeling myself when my husband first 'came out' to me but I'm over that now.

Talk, talk, talk - and then talk some more -

[Bizarre Suzanne]

There are so many "shades of grey" out here, Miss M....everyone of us has been conditioned by genetics, experience, desires, needs, etc...and all of us arent necessarily gay either. In my own case, being raised in a maternal family with 14 aunts, without my father's constant presence, I learned and was taught to be femme...yet, I have no interest in being with a male (sexually). I discovered fetish dressing when in Amsterdam, Holland so many years ago (courtesy of the military)...and so enjoy the erotic/exotic look...and strive to be that type. I've been married twice too (didn't kill either one) and both are deceased....enjoyed only the second as the first was mentally ill, and suicidal...and fought to live only after being diagnosed with spinal cancer...so, it takes ALL KINDS! So tho
I might have wanted to be a woman, life is not kind to us "others"...and I have eventually learned to function in male drab...

[Lea]

It was very hard for me to tell my wife that I crossdress. I told her before we were married as I did not want to keep anything hidden from her. I was afraid if I did not tell her and she found out she would be hurt and wonder what else I had kept hidden.

She also had trouble accepting it. Over the years she has come to accept it and encourage it at times. She will purchase items for me and offer suggestions. She also released that she fell in love with the total me and the cross-dressing was part of it. It makes me who I am as a person.

The crossdressing community suffers form a public relations problem and in a way that can be related to political ads. You hear all the negative. You do not hear about the heterosexual crossdressers who want to spend time with their wife/girlfriend.

I have been dressing forty five years and do not consider it a fetish.

I have no desire to transition or dress full time. My dressing varies by the season. Less in the summer more in the winter. Sometimes it is just for an evening, on my days off or once or twice a year for five days.

When I dress I want to emulate women as much as I can. I try to dress, act and be feminine. Except for small changes I have no desire to change my body. In the winter I will shave my body.

While everyone is different level of crossdressing the big thing to remember is that you are not alone, your boyfriend shared with you something very personal and just to communicate.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Miss Muffet, one thing to remember is that being masculine and being a crossdresser are not mutually exclusive. There are plenty of men who live very traditionally masculine lives and also dress. For some like that, they find crossdressing helps bring a needed a sense of balance in their lives, but the crossdressing does not replace their masculine lives, if that makes sense.

As far as him telling you, don't be upset by that alone. He should have told his ex-wife (she had the right to know before marriage), but this time he did the right thing and told you (because you have a right to know.) It took a lot of courage on his part, and the important thing to remember is that by doing so it means he loves you and trusts you so much that he felt comfortable enough to tell you something he is probably ashamed of, and something that he knows could destroy the relationship. If you can, watch this video from Peggy Rudd, author of "My Husband Wears My Clothes". If you want to understand why your boyfriend dresses, get that book, I can't recommend it highly enough.

This explains how her husband told her, and how he felt about his wife when he told her. It explains what I wrote above about trust better than I could ever explain it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pPP6658zqE&feature=channel&list=UL

As a side note, I am in my 30s, and have dated mature women (15-31 years older) so I understand some of the dynamics there. Long down the road you may find issues with the age gap far more significant than the issue of his occasional private dressing; I don't say that in any way to dissuade you from being with a more mature person, but there are issues involved there that, like the crossdressing, need to be discussed before you make any commitments (especially any irrevocable commitments) in the future.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I'm a GG (genetic girl). My husband is a fetish Cd'er and dresses maybe once a week. However, sometimes he gets in a mood and dresses every day for week or two, but that's about once a year or so. there is no set time. It's just when the fancy strikes him. sometimes he'll wear an article of clothing (like panties and/or bra) under his masculine (drab) clothes. We've been together for six years now and this hasn't changed.

When we first got together and I found out he went through a stage called "pink fog" where he dressed almost every day, went out a few times, but for safety's sake he dresses only at home now.

Get your 10 posts and join FAB. You will be able to get the support you need and read other women's stories and perspectives on things that may help you.

Hope to see you there soon ~

[ReineD]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!! :)

Hi and welcome to the forum! :hugs:

If it helps, I tell myself that I am hetero with everyone other than my SO. :)

It's not something that we can easily classify into nice, neat little boxes since our bfs/husbands themselves don't fit into nice little boxes, and if you can be OK with not having to define things too much right now (for example are you hetero or not) over time it will all fall into place, I promise. And the answers are different for everyone. :)

Anyway, the Loved Ones section is always a good place for newer GGs to get in their 10 posts before joining FAB. Good luck!

[Rachel Morley]

Of course you'll have to talk to your SO to figure out what he (or she when they are en femme) feels about it, but in my experience, the vast majority of "garden variety crossdressers" are part time dressers, and there are way, way less that dress all or nearly all of the time. So I think you'll probably have nothing to worry about on that score. In fact, in my own particular case I dress even less now than I ever used to. After what we call the "pink fog" set in, and I was OOC on the dressing (this was after I stopped beating myself up about feeling guilty over it) I found that I needed it less and less to make me happy. Now ok, you should know that I have femmed up my boy presentation quite a bit (in comparison to what it was before) but the number of times I dress fully en femme are way less now. Btw .. I am married and my wife knew all about me before we got married, as we met on a CDing forum 11 years ago. She too likes to seem me in boy mode in a classic white tee shirt and blue jeans :)

[UNDERDRESSER]

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.
You're welcome, always glad to help


Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me! For once I'm not just a trophy or someone to have around when convenient. But then he told me about the crossdressing during a night of too much alcohol because he never told his ex wife and that ended horribly. He doesn't want to do that again. I'm not sure if the crossdressing wrecked the marriage or the fact he didn't tell her until three kids later? Guess it doesn't matter.This is the situation I'm in at the moment, except i'm still nerving myself to tell her. ( and I've never been married )


I do worry about the comments suggesting he might do this all the time? I would rather live with a man occasionally dressing as a woman than a full time thing. I can't help it. I love the way he looks in jeans and tee shirt and when he's shirtless dressing before work. I love his short hair. I even love his smell after he's had a work out. I would miss these things incredibly if he decided to dress all the time. I think it would be too much to live without.

So, do you think you could learn to live without the fulltime thing if you put your mind to it? Or am I showing ignorance again? It's hard for me to understand why you can't just not do this. I sort of understand the basic sexual, even comfort urge, but I'm struggling with why you would need to do it all the time. I had a boyfriend many years ago who was obsessed with a type of music that he listened to, wrote and talked about all day long. That relationship didn't last very long because I couldn't handle his single-mindedness. I need someone who won't obsess like this again. Some of you did say you were occasional dressers even after many years so I assume this is possible?

It's funny, but I'm feeling less scared of the dressing now and more scared of the future! I'm also thinking something very strange that no one mentioned so I wonder if I'm the weird one here. Lol. Everyone was quick to say he's probably not gay, so why do I suddenly think that maybe I am?!!!I wouldn't worry, in your first post, you said.


But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. Given that's he's been honest enough to come out to you, I think you can take his word if he says he's certain he doesn't want anything more.

[Sindee50]

Hi MissMuffet and welcome,
I am also a GG with a CrossDressing S0.
Yes it was a bit of a shock when I was told (several months into our relationship) however for me the shock subsided very quickly as I thought about it and came to the realisation that I had picked up on his femenine side, so, it was not a total surprise.
I have absolutely no problem at all with my wonderful partner being a CD'er.
For her it is a comfortable place to be in, loving the feminine clothes and the feminine feeling given by the wearing of said items --- a calming effect after a hard day at work.
As someone else said, 10 posts and then apply to become a member of FAB, I am well on my way and look forward to joining in chatting with other GG's.

[Butterfly Bill]

I present as a man wearing women's clothes, and I often feel the way you do about this site. It seems the majority here want to learn how to pass.

[Kelli Ca]

I believe you will come to realize that he is still the same man you fell in love with. Just different clothes. I can't remember does he even want to dress full time. My suggestion is communication, talk about it together share your feelings. My wife and I discused some clear boundaries she wanted and I shared mine and we found some middle ground that both of us are comfortable with. Open honest communication.

[TxKimberly]

you have definitely come to the right place if your confused..... its what we do best here......

Damn it! How is it that you are ALWAYS taking the words right outta my mouth?!

Miss Muffet, we run the entire spectrum here. You are going to find those who are in to it only for the fetish end of it and are quite happy and proud to be men, and you also have those who are transsexual (feel that they are women born into a male body), and you will find everything in between the two extremes.

Oh, and welcome to the forum where we are ALL in the state of confusion!

[APRIL0401]

Karen, You have a great sense of humor.

[Marie GG]

Miss Muffet-
I understand how you feel. My husband is a "part-time" crossdresser as well. It is nice that you found this forum so soon after finding out. It took me more than a year to come here. My husband found the site and suggested I visit, but I wasn't ready. I was so blown away at how nice all of them were when I first joined too. It is great to have people to talk to who understand what you are going through. If you are keeping the dressing a secret sometimes it is hard to only have your SO to talk to. Get your 10 posts and join us in the FAB section, the GG's are all really nice.

[CD_blue]

I cross dress pretty much everyday. I don't go "all out" that often. Generally at night I am wearing some kind of leggings, comfy carpi pants of right material, and female top. Also wear nylon panties and female straight leg jeans out. The panties and jeans I just simply like more than mens options and would wear them regardless knowing how much more comfortable they are to me. I found this out along the way.

Thing is with me though and I maybe a minority here (I don't know)... I am very masculine. I can be decked completely out (I don't go as far as breast forms or even a wig... Then again I got hair to pull of femi look. I don't have another name I go buy when dressed up etc etc). When dressed up I remain completely who I am during day to day. Granted yeah I am wearing womens jeans but the ones I pick out nobody would ever know. Most would say I am naturally masculine. That is just my natural way, and I don't try to change that. I am just guy wears womens clothing nothing more. I have no interest in being a woman at all. This could be the case with your man I am not certain. Yes though we are here :)

[Thera Home]

I'm new to all of this so please be gentle!

My new boyfriend has just informed me he is a crossdresser. This has shocked me but I like to think I'm intelligent and open minded enough to accept this side of him. He has suggested I look at some crossdressing sites for support. I found this site rather quickly and have spent many nights reading through the posts here. I'm now more confused! I think this might be the wrong site for me? Are most of the crossdressers on here fulltime and wanting to be women? It seems this way from what I've read. But my boyfriend has insisted this is just an occasional fetish, entirely sexual and something he's been doing his whole life. He's also somewhat older than me and says there is no chance it will change to something more as he's reached his comfort level and is very content.

So is anyone else on here an occasional fetish dresser like my boyfriend? Or am I in the wrong place and this site is for those wanting to live as women? Sorry if I seem ignorant but I'll be honest and say that researching here has made me feel more confused and scared.

Please help.

Dearest Muffet
First all I want commend you on your courage for joining us and expressing your feelings. This is a realm that one can get lost in rather quickly. There are many with different stuggles and ideas on where this journey is taking them. I do it because of the euphoria it provides me. I ride the wave, so to speak,WATCH FOR ROCKS and enjoy the feelings it provides. When I get tired of it I just jump off the board.(no pun intended) Your boyfriend should have disscussed this with you beforehand to give you an idea of what to expect instead of letting you run free. Shame on him!! Hopefully you may find comfort among us for we share our feelings and stuggles , and ask away on the questions, dont be shy.

Welcome:bighug:

Thera

[Jenny Gurl]

Welcome to the forum, you are in the right place. Nowhere on the internet have I found a more educated group on the subject. This site has helped me understand myself more than any other site. I was born with this feminine gender and it will probably always be there. It is part of who we are as a person and is usually a lifelong journey. The fact that he has told you about this part of himself says he trusts you enough to want to be in a relationship. With the hate and criticism out there it is not something many of us share with even close family members for fear of losing the ones we love. For many of us it is a part time enjoyment and no more. Just like regular girls, I like to put on a comfortable pair of jeans some days and others I like to dress to impress. You will have to discover each other in your own world. We are not all the same, and you may find you have a great man when you need him, and a great girlfriend when the situation arises to go shopping etc. Welcome. Lots to read here and lots to learn, but please reserve judgement on him until you get to know him. My girlfriend and I love to go shopping and she always asks for my opinion on outfits she tries on over the salesperson. She also defers to me the next minute on car repairs, home repairs, or personal protection if needed. Many GG (genetic girls) or FAB (female At Birth) girlfriends and wives reside here as well, and have different experiences they will gladly share to help you understand him. I wish you both well, and I hope you can make it work.

[MarinaKirax]

I agree, this site seems ideal for your needs - there is a focus on information sharing, and I think everything else that is inappropriate is pretty much squelched by the moderators .
You should look at "autogynephilia" or AGP. Essentially this group of men fetishizes the image of themselves as female. People can have a fetish about objects (shoes), people, fabrics, images, etc. AGP, as I understand it, is being turned on by the idea of seeing yourself in a woman's position, as a woman. I think thats what best describes me, frankly. I don't feel out of place in my body, or in my marriage. I don't want to grow old as a woman, or to make love to a man. But I'd love to have breasts (that I could have when I want, and remove when I felt like being a male again), and I could walk around in a skirt and heels forever. But if I couldn't see myself clicking by a mirror in my pencil skirt and black pumps, if I couldn't enjoy seeing the curve of my hips and the fall of my hair across my open blouse, well, then, the whole thing just ins't as much fun.
Yes, your BF is telling you a very credible story. No, not everyone here wants to transition. This river is shallow, but astonishingly wide. MK

[Kelly Smith]

...try to imagine how confused I feel. At first there was a definite sexual component to my intense desire to look and feel as feminine as possible, but that aspect of crossdressing is pretty much exhausted for me. And I have no desire to live as a woman for longer than a few days at a time.

The risk may be part of the thrill. Shopping at Nordstrom's en femme feels a little like rappelling out of a helicopter.

[naye]

Hi, Im just one more occasional crossdresser, Im closeted and do it mostly for fun when Im bored or as a great stress relief, although Im living alone and I can dress as much as I want I only do it like once or twice a week, and I have been crossdressing for almost 30 years and I can tell you that I dont want to be a woman or to dress full time, is just a kind of game for me, a great stress relief and a fetish.
BTW Im straight.

[April_Ligeia]

Just take a step back and relax. Funny, but my ex-wife, who told me all about what a freak I was when I came out to her years ago, just told me all about how much she misses me now that we are divorced. No happy ending there, though, she really burned that bridge and I don't trust her. But, she regrets her decision to leave me and that decision was based at least in part on my tendency toward crossdressing. Now she seems to be trying to open a conversation about getting back together but I will not even talk to her about it because she was so unreasonable and just attacked me when I tried to be honest with her, when I was trying myself to figure out what was going through my head. Bottom line is I was honest, I asked for understanding, and I was emotionally assaulted and told to leave my house and my children. I will not ever forgive that. Period. Now she says it was a mistake, and I just agree. It was.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am currently in a relationship with a woman who encourages me to crossdress, and gets along very well with my sons. I am not gay, am not transitioning into becoming a woman, and actually just express myself the same way that caused the extremely dramatic rejection by my ex-wife. My problem now is that when I talk to my ex, I really don't know how to tell her politely that my life is actually better now. I miss seeing my kids every day, but I spend "quality time" with them every week and they are now never exposed to me fighting with their mother. I know the trend on this site is that many people feel guilty and wrong, but I am not in that camp. Thanks for reading.

[Rebecca Star]

which involves a whole lot more than just playing dress up!

You've openly admitted on these forums, you don't get CD's.

But if you actually took the time to understand "us", instead of taking every opportunity to put "us" down... I think you'd soon realise, for most "CD's" it's a hell of a lot more than "just playing dress up!".

[Sweet Caroline]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

[Rebecca Star]

I know the trend on this site is that many people feel guilty and wrong, but I am not in that camp.

No one should feel or be made to feel what they do is wrong with regards to CDing or identifying as Transgender, peroid.

[Beverley Sims]

From the other replies you have recieved I think you have come to the right place.
Don't go away, read on and I think you will gain more understanding.
I suspect that your boyfriend is understanding of you and helpful in many ways that other BFs probably were not.
I think you can have a good relationship with him as long as you understand his so called fetish.
Does he drink, smoke a lot, swear and want to go out with the boys a lot or is he caring towards you?
Think about it and I feel you may have someone with good qualities..
Apart from his cross dressing...And that can be turned into an asset as well.:)

[Shananigans]

There are plenty of people here all over the spectrum...from fetish dressers to people who identify as the opposite gender. What is nice about this site is that you have a variety of opinions and people here. However, as you see from some of your replies, this is also a strong negative of this site. Much like real life, there isn't a test that one has to pass in order to be deemed a decent human being who is worthy of sharing his/her opinions. You may run into a bit of sexism here and there, but I wouldn't let it put you off for too long. There are a lot of awesome people in the Loved Ones section...probably my favorite section, because there is a lot of love in that area lol. Just know that it is OK to be confused...it's why most people are here anyway. The fact that you're here shows that you want to understand, and it speaks volumes. But, you may find a few people that do not want to be understood, and who don't appreciate people taking the time to show support/understanding. Much like people are selfish and idiotic IRL, they are here too.

So, after all of that. Welcome to this forum. ;) I hope you get the answers that you need so that you are less confused, and find a community of people that want to help you understand.


Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

lol I feel like Freud would be all over this if he were alive. It's pretty classic...dressing and acting like the people that you hold disdain towards... If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it, love.

[SamanthaS]

You are not on the wrong site, maybe the stories you've read led you to believe most of "us" want to be women. Please let me assure you most cd's just love the clothing, and like being out and about in them :) Good luck with your relationship .

[bobbie c]

many answers,many thoughts.some said you might be overthinking it...perhaps...you're here,and he has told you,what wonderful people you both are,now enjoy it by using it to get to know each other even better....a new level.I see it has a gift most times, as does my wife.I get to see things a bit more as she does.granted,not as a genetic woman, but with a sensitivity most males do not have....we have fun with it. I am a man,will never change, dress once,twice a month,go to a few lbgt clubs ,dance and act silly...it is a release, a time to get away from me and my everyday male thing....love the feel of the clothing, love to shop...so look at it from this stand point...embrace it and have fun with it. I would guess he has reached his balance point....and you......again a wonderful lady!!!

[Marleena]

Looks like you all have answered her questions. She hasn't been back!

Not to this thread anyways..

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

well didnt that 'sweet' statement add a lot to this thread?

actually a lot of people care what GG's think and how SO's react - probably most of the people on here who are in a relationship, but with an attitude like that you are unlikely to experience one for very long.

[Marleena]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

Ouch!! WTH prompted that reply?

[MelanieB]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

I don't want to distract from the topic of this thread but really felt I need to reply to this post.

Anyone who is in a relationship with a partner, GG or SO, and wants and cares to keep that relationship sound will most certainly care what that partners' views and opinions are.

GG's have very valid views and reasoning for how they want to deal with our CD'ing, it's not their fault that we have these needs in our lives but hopefully with their cooperation and agreement we can lead our CD'ing lives within the context of our married (or not) lives.

Only those people who are either not in a relationship, and are therefore free to do as they please, or, those that are in a relationship but dont give a toss what their partners think on any subject could possibly make such a ridiculous comment

[Dana3]

Who cares what GG's think or how SO's react. They have a load of baggage we have to deal with on a daily basis. No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

I care! I would care even if I weren't a CD

[Eryn]

<moderator hat on>


...No one is more screwed up than a GG and all her foibles and ideas.

This statement is clearly disrespectful to our GG members, but I am allowing it to remain because it provoked thoughtful replies and it would be unfair to delete the constructive thoughts of the replying members.

Let's get back to the original topic please.

<moderator hat off>

[Shananigans]

^^ I think Miss Muffet is gone, and I can't blame her. She said she was new and asked people to be gentle, and then it takes one sh*tty comment.

If it's going to be that way, it shouldn't take 10 posts to apply to FAB. She kind of had to post other places to get the 10 post requirement, and then she is told her opinion doesn't matter because she was born with a vagina. For real?

I sincerely hope her boyfriend acts better and is able to explain things better...she apparently went here for our help, and it got her no where. For shame...for shame...

I feel like she was really trying to understand fetish dressing versus crossdressing versus transsexualism. She didn't even really give much of an opinion...just asked a simple question. So, to answer other threads...no one will ever understand you if you don't want to be understood...so, just abandon ship now. That's pretty much it.

In response to her it's fair to explain that there are a lot of awesome people here...we've got everyone all over the TG umbrella, and even outside of it. But, we'll go ahead and scare everyone off except for the regulars because it takes just reading a few comments like that for a woman to feel like it's a Bachelor's Nest with No Women Allowed.

The number of active GGs gets smaller and smaller. We lost another one. Possible person that could spread understanding of TG issues -1. The number of people put off from taking the time to understand....??? Who knows what that number is.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

well said Shan - its very unfortunate when one or two nasty posts scare newbies off - my mum had an excellent saying "if you cant say something nice, better not say anything at all"

[sometimes_miss]

I hope she's not gone, because I though of something I wanted to say.
MIss Muffett; I've tried to read all the posts here, but after a while my eyes start to glaze over, having read so much of this type of thing before. So forgive me for rewriting anything someone else has already covered. In your posts, I spotted something that needed this response.
One of the things everyone has to deal with is sexual attraction. Very, very few really know what it is that makes us attracted to someone, or not at all. Most just like to chalk it up to 'chemistry'. But like everything else, you can take it all apart and figure it out.
And one of the things that I've figured out about crossdressing is, is that it usually ruins the 'masculine' image that a woman is attracted to. Yes, if you're smart enough, you can get past it rationally, but you usually have to understand everything that's going on, and I mean everything. Every little nuance, every behavior and why it's caused, to be able to understand why the outward display of a very, very female behavior does not make a man any less of the person you were initially attracted to. Yes, I said 'less'.....after all, if you examine the male 'world', men routinely use female adjectives and pronouns to degrade other men, as if it's the worst thing in the world to be feminine in any way. And because men basically run the world, they have branded this thinking into general society, so much so that even women think of feminine attributes as of lesser value than traditionally male ones.
So it's really going to come down to what you think of yourself more than anything else; after all, it's been said that imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery. So when he (and all the rest of us) go through all the trouble to emulate all the wonderful things about women, shouldn't you really be proud of that? And happy that he recognizes and values those same things too? Because it only means he knows, and loves you, more than perhaps you know. Also remember, that we are still guys inside, and we aren't necessarily good at expressing our feelings or thoughts. How he acts towards you, and behaves with you, will tell you more than he can with words.

[Jenniferathome]

1. Crossdressing is progressive, given the appropriate environment.
2. Crossdressing is as addictive as any drug.

If you take those as fact, it is easy to draw the following conclusion:

The more you crossdress, the more you want to crossdress.

These aren't facts. While this may be true for you, it is not a fact of crossdressing.

[MissMuffet]

Hi everyone. No I haven't disappeared completely, but I did step away for a bit to process everything. I think I had information overload!

And yes, a couple of things were a little unsettling, mostly that this is progressive. However enough of you said this isnt the case for everyone. I did read yesterday's GG comment (anonymous as I felt a little like hiding) but didn't read too much into it as most of you were very kind and answered all of my questions. I think the comment about over thinking this hit home for me. I realized this is what I'm doing and my boyfriend is thinking about it less!!

Anyway, I'm very glad to hear from the other GG's here. Thanks for making me feel less alone! If I disappear again I'm probably just taking another breather. These ten posts are actually quite difficult to obtain when every word is so hard to write. I feel strange thinking about all this most days, so I'm trying not to! I do feel better when I'm not analyzing it all, and when I read of all the other men who are also just occasional crossdressers. I had no clue there was such a spectrum to this.

I will have a look at the Loved Ones section and maybe I can get my remaining posts there.

[ReineD]

And yes, a couple of things were a little unsettling, mostly that this is progressive. However enough of you said this isnt the case for everyone.

Think of it in terms of every member here having their very own terminus. It is progressive for everyone ... but only until their personal terminus is reached.

To put it more concretely, for a select few members (the transsexuals), it is progressive until they transition. For a chunk of CDers who for a variety of reasons may not wish to go out in public, it is progressive until they have reached the "look" they seek in their mind's eye, in other words, starting out with just corsets and panties and then possibly progressing to wig, makeup, and forms, even if they dress once per week or once per month and stay home. For many other CDers (and depending on their life circumstances), it is progressive until they develop the ability to go out and blend, and interact with others on a regular basis even if it is once per week or once per month. For still other CDers, it is progressive until they've found a way to express their androgyny on a day-to-day basis. These are only four examples of personal termini, there are many more.

But it is NOT a progression that leads to transition for everyone, no matter how tenaciously some of our members believe this, despite some of the transsexuals who are not aware of their own terminus until they get there, or some of the TGs who believe their terminus is transition even though it is not.

Glad you're back! :hugs:

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Really pleased to see you back Miss Muffett - do try to get your 10 posts in - you can just post a few one liners to get your numbers up! lol

It does get easier believe me - just dont take everything you read here as gospel :hugs:

[Sandra]

Hi Miss M

I haven't replied to this but have been reading it. You have shown that by coming here you are trying to understand, yeah a lot to take in isn't :) but as time goes by you will start to think "ok I do understand that" and "hmmm maybe that does make sense"

One thing that you don't want to do is rush things, let things soak in slowly and never ever say you understand if you don't just to keep the peace. It took me years to be really comfy with my SO who is TS, but in the beginning due to denial she presented as a cder. As has already been said most cders and just that cders (no disrespect meant) and they don't want or have the need to be female, others are in denial and are TS., then there is those who know right from the start that they are TS.

A lot to take in, but keep on posting and get the rest of your posts and join us in FAB.

[Eryn]

Think of it in terms of every member here having their very own terminus. It is progressive for everyone ... but only until their personal terminus is reached.

Reine, you really need to write a book on TG issues! :)

Miss Muffet, I have two suggestions.

First, pay close attention to Reine, she often perceives us more thoroughly than we do ourselves!
Second, go to some of the less serious threads about clothing, beauty, and/or photos and post a few sociable comments there. You'll have your ten posts in before you know it!

Oh, and even after that, please don't be a stranger here!

Hugs, Eryn

[Nigella]

Miss Muffet

You can find all the information you need about crossdressing and transgendered people all over the internet. Reine is good at sourcing this out, weeding the wheat from the chaff. The GGs on this site range from those who live with this side of their partners day in day out, those who see it on occasional visits right through to those that like you, had no clue at all.

The best advice you can get is to read all of the threads you think are relevant, but don't assume because X does this, your SO will do the same, no two relationships are the same.

Lastly, don't bottle it up, if you have something to say to your SO, say it. Things are better out in the open than left to fester.

[TxKimberly]

Hi everyone. No I haven't disappeared completely. . . These ten posts are actually quite difficult to obtain when every word is so hard to write. . . .

Howdy Miss Muffet, how the hell are ya'? So how is the weather where ever you are? :)

(Answer that stupid question of mine and you have another post toward your ten!) ;)

[susan54]

Hi Miss Muffet.

There are no rules, only individuals. Please believe that for many (most?) there is no progression from cross-dressing to trans-sexualism. I have lots of clothes, spend large amounts of time and money dressing, and I go out frequently, but this reached a plateau years ago and I have no plans to go further. My progressions have been in skill and confidence. All shaving is reversible, and nothing shaved is on display in male mode. In male mode, I remain very masculine and I like being male and masculine. I regard it has having the best of both worlds - but just as I see it.

I am probably in a minority in not being fetishistic, and I don't even think of myself as a woman when I go out - I am a heterosexual gender tourist, and I am just acting. It is magnificent fun.

May everything work out well for you and your partner.

[Mimi]

Hello Miss Muffett--Many of us GGs have been exactly where you are now, so don't feel like you're the only one who's had these feelings! That ten posts can seem challenging, but Eryn (my spouse) has some good advice about posting in the photos or clothing sections to get those last few posts in. Loved Ones is a good place as well, but if you just need some posts that don't require too much deep thought or painful introspection, then check out some of the lighter sub-forums.

Hope to see more of your posts and see you over in FAB!

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes, MissMuffet, I am so glad to see you're back as well as so many others. There is so much experience and knowledge for you here to learn on here from members that have lived with cd'ing all of thier lives. And this site has many wives that have the experience of life with a cross dresser.

Please don't get discouraged, we're all here for you and wish for you the very best by way of what has come into your life of late. This site is the best on the internet of learning about CD,TG issues.
Welcome aboard MissMuffet, your friend,
Tara

[Kimberlyfaye]

Hi Miss Muffet. A little late but welcome. You'll find alot of great advice here from GGs who have been where you are now. I echo what has been said, take your time. It's great that you've taken the time to look into it and sign up here. Like most have said, it's a broad spectrum so not everyone wants to go all the way to a transition stage. I myself would consider a partial transition so I don't know how much advice I could offer. But I'm young and still not sure where I really want to be. The important thing is to make sure you and your partner communicate. You seem like a good person and you're willing to listen and learn. Your partner is lucky to have you :)

Hugs

[Meg East]

Miss Muffit,
You have come to the right forum. There is a Forum just for Females At Birth, or the FAB forum for short. Get in ten posts and join the rest of the GGs.

I am a crossdresser, no plans ever to be a women. I am married to the love of my life for 28 years. I really never did this as a fetish though. I started Cding when I was 5 years old. No sexual ideas in my young mind.
We do have members who Cd as a sexual thing.

Your BF must really trust in you, to even tell you about being a CD. Join the FAB forum. The GGs can be more supportive to you, even though we CDs really try.

Marcia sums it up; I have been a CD since maybe ten years old. I have been married for forty years and confine my crossdressing to the house. I have no urge to live as a woman.

I hope you find support (and sometimes a touch of humor) within this forum.

[Amy R Lynn]

Its great to see that you are willing to investigate what this is all about instead of just running for the hills. I wish more GG's would do this. I am an ocassional CD. I have no plans on becoming a 24x7 woman. I still like to go out and be a man. I wouldn't give that part of me up. I have to say that this isn't something that I am really proud of. Maybe someday I can be. But for now, its something very private. I would love to not "like" doing this, and get the same thrill and excitement from going fishing or something. However, I can't stop liking this anymore than I could stop liking Vanilla Ice Cream. If I don't do it for a while eventually the woman within takes over and I have to satisfy her.

The fact that you are willing to come onto a forum and find out what this is really all about is FANTASTIC. I know that you will get all of the information that you need here. This site has helped me in ways that I couldn't have ever began to imagine. I hope that you can find peace in your relationship.

[Babeba]

Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!

See? Confused!!

And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!! :)


Miss Muffet, :hugs:

I'm sorry I didn't see your post for a while... And I am really glad you have stuck this website out through some not-very-nice opinions. You certainly have every single right to be here, and I for one am rooting for you getting through your ten posts (you're halfway there!)

I have always thought of love as being kind of blind - that seeing the person inside is very different than the external. If being with your partner makes you feel less heterosexual I can understand it as a big blow to your personal identity - it is quite the change from something you have just assumed you knew about yourself, and a big part of your sense of self. But if you think of your partner as being the one person who you love and focus on, you don't have to question absolutely everything or even give yourself a big label if it doesn't feel like that reflects you.

The other thing is, just because your boyfriend sometimes wears a blonde wig doesn't mean that he is not masculine anymore! I have known about my boyfriend for two and a half years, and he is definitely still masculine... He is also feminine, but I have learned that the one has not taken away from the other! I have found out that -in my relationship, where we have no secrets with each other, and a full disclosure policy and work hard at talking about everything important to us - the good outweighs the negative with crossdressing. It does help that I attracted to the feminine in my partner, but there are other SOs who manage to do well with their relationships even when not attracted to that aspect.

It will take some time to get through the confusion, but it IS possible! :hugs:

[Lady Panda]

Although I found out about this thread in regards to negative comments it received, I am so glad that i found it! The content from the positive feed back really helped calm down some of the things I had been overanalyzing about. I had noticed just like MissM that many of the Ladies here were on the far end of the spectrum of wanting to dress full time. I admit it made me a bit nervous. but hearing from this thread I found that I just happened to run across the threads that just happend to be lop sided on the farther end .

I'm so glad I took the time to read the thread completely and found that there are so many that are more on the same area my SO is in.

Thank you to all those who replied positively for you helped me relax a little more.



Hi everyone. No I haven't disappeared completely, but I did step away for a bit to process everything. I think I had information overload!

And yes, a couple of things were a little unsettling, mostly that this is progressive. However enough of you said this isnt the case for everyone. I did read yesterday's GG comment (anonymous as I felt a little like hiding) but didn't read too much into it as most of you were very kind and answered all of my questions. I think the comment about over thinking this hit home for me. I realized this is what I'm doing and my boyfriend is thinking about it less!!

Anyway, I'm very glad to hear from the other GG's here. Thanks for making me feel less alone! If I disappear again I'm probably just taking another breather. These ten posts are actually quite difficult to obtain when every word is so hard to write. I feel strange thinking about all this most days, so I'm trying not to! I do feel better when I'm not analyzing it all, and when I read of all the other men who are also just occasional crossdressers. I had no clue there was such a spectrum to this.

I will have a look at the Loved Ones section and maybe I can get my remaining posts there.

Hello Miss Muffet,
I am also a gg that is in a relationship with a CD. I would like to welcome you here. I'm sorry that you received some majorly negative comments with one of your first posts. I have been really lucky...I have not received many negative comments. For the most part all of the comments I have gotten have been really supportive and wonderfully nice responses. The girls here have made me feel very welcome.

I hope tht those stinkers did not chase you away.:bigsmack:

My SO is also a part-time CD much in the way of your BF. I understand your confusion and distress. I also am very accepting of his/her CDing.


when i first started here I was very overwhelmed by all the things I have seen. but i had to remind myself that there are many people all along the specterum in CDland. It is easy to overthink things ...I too am very guilty of over-analyzing things it is in my nature. and it's OK. (for both of us)


I would definately, if you would like, to be your friend and shoulder to lean on. :hugs::Panda::rose2::bh:

[Marleena]

Miss Muffet I don't know if this has been said yet. Listen to your CDing spouse! Your spouse can tell you better than anybody else where she is headed with all of this.

We are all over the map as far as being TG is concerned. Only your spouse can give you the answers you seek. You'll find great advice in dealing with this from the GG's who have a CD spouse, so get your ten posts.:)

[Tracii G]

Glad you are still here Miss M.

[BRANDYJ]

Count me as another that is glad you are still here Ms M. This would be just another CD site if it were not for all the loving GG's we have here. I learn as much as the GG's do by reading posts by our more beautiful GG members.

[flo]

the girl asked a question, she should have received civil answers, not abuse. Good manners cost nothing.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

the girl asked a question, she should have received civil answers, not abuse. Good manners cost nothing.

Absolutely right Flo x

[Cheryl T]

Thank you all so much for responding! I'm blown away actually. I imagined maybe one or two comments telling me to go away, I'm ignorant, so this was a great surprise.

Anyway, can't say I'm still not confused. Lol. I haven't drunk or cried this much in a long while. I feel a little sad about the whole thing. My boyfriend is the first decent man I've met in a long while and I finally thought I'd met HIM! You know, the one. And he is perfect for me. I'm in my early thirties and he's almost fifty, successful, masculine (or so I thought!) and he actually listens to me!

Masculine, or so I thought!
Why does this change your mind about that? Does he suddenly not do the Masculine things he used to do? Does he work on the car in a cocktail dress? Mow the lawn in high heels? Is he more attentive to you than before?

He actually listens to me!
Well, from personal experience and years of self-examination I would say that's because he has an inert feminine component that is expressed more than you find in the other men you've known. I had a gf tell me once that she thought I was the most gentle and considerate MAN she had ever known. I attribute that to being accepting of my feminine side. I've found that I don't need to be Macho to be masculine. I enjoy expressing my feminine side when I dress, but it doesn't change anything else.

None of this means that he will want to live full time as a woman. We are all individuals with individual needs. Being able to express ALL of ourselves is very strong in us but that doesn't mean it changes us.

[CINDYO]

you have come to a good site, I would say as a GG though, it can be very informative here to learn of all the different levels of TG/crossdressers. It can also be very confusing and unsettling to read some of the posts. I would take a long hard look at the relationship, this condition is different for sure and brings with it many issues that can change over time, levels can escalate, the sexual component is unsettling (to me anyway, thinking that a man turns himself on, when he sees himself dressed like a woman). I would suggest to acquire as much info on the topic as poss, communicate with this man, and make a decision if this lifestyle is what you really want. You are lucky to have been informed early in the relationship, not all GG's have been given that honestly/consideration, that in itself speaks volumes about your friend. :)

[BRANDYJ]

Cindyo, You bring up as aspect of crossdressing I have never seen addressed in any forum thread. You are right! A man can be turned on when he sees himself dressed. So I of course think that a GG might feel cheated if the man is turned on to the point of masturbation and then the GG feels she is not enough. Very good point. But at the same time, can a GG get just as turned on when she reads any of the spicy romance novels that many read? I think it only becomes a problem when the dressing takes the place of being intimate with his SO.
I guess that can and does happen. I wonder how much of a problem that is.

[CINDYO]

Brandy i think a better comparison would be, a woman turning herself on sexually if she dresses up and pretends to be a male. That would be quite an abnormal, perhaps concerning situation, and most husbands, boyfriends would never tolerate it. Should a man or woman become turned on when reading/watching spicey romance - very normal, almost expected IMO. I do think solo sex is concerning to a partner, the question is - why. Unless of coarse the partner is unwilling/able to join in, and i have not added on the crossdressing thing, whole new bunch of "why's" then enter into a persons thoughts. This is very strange for a SO, GG to come to terms with. I guess my point is, really soul search and figure out is you are truly wanting to take this path with this person in lfe. It apparently NEVER goes away and there can be one heck of a pile of baggage with it.

[Eryn]

...the sexual component is unsettling (to me anyway, thinking that a man turns himself on, when he sees himself dressed like a woman...

This is a characteristic of dressing that I believe tends to diminish with experience. The first few times I experimented with items of women's clothing or makeup it was sexually arousing, but after I began to accept this part of myself and started dressing more completely the sexual component went away completely. Male arousal is the last thing I want to deal with when dressed.

[happyjackie]

Hi to all and this is my first post.

For a "GG" I feel it has to do with the feeling of being threatened by the "other woman." For those of us that have lived two lives we see both sides of the fence so to speak. I think it has to do with acceptance and realizing it does not change the love or the "feelings" toward the one you're with but binds the feelings deeper and stronger. For a man to be accepted by his wife for wanting to enjoy his feminene side would be the ultimate gift of love.

Happyjackie

[Kaz]

Ms M, Just joined the post.... UK time! Sorry if you have had some bad experiences here... overall we are a good bunch of well meaning folk... if slightly deranged in the gender stakes... :)

For the record, I am married, have three great girls who are now grown up and one of them has a beautiful daughter. All three have University degrees and I am a very proud Dad and Grandad!

Oh yeah, and I crossdress... Have been doing it for 40 plus years...

I am also a senior academic and a rock guitar player... I know you joined a good site - most of the people here are great... feel free to PM me for any advice I can give. It must be a real shock to find out. I know it was for my wife.

Kaz