I never respond to yells and hassles on the street, but

[JennyA]

where does that twinge of anger go that I suppress? I have always just kept on walking and pretend like they don't exist. But I do hear the people yell the things, my brain and subconscious intake it. Where does this negativity go and what is a healthy way to blow off the steam?

The problem is that I have been blowing off the steam by using drugs and it's hurting my transition, body, money, safety, etc. Should I play paintball or start boxing or something?

[RenneB]

Rule number 1 - don't sweat the small stuff....

Rule number 2 - it's all small stuff....

Really it doesn't matter.... that is until they get physical.. then you break out the bad..

What was the cat call I got the other day.. oh yea... "someone's looking good today". I took it as a positive and just kept walking...

Renne....

[Inna]

Jenny, you have opened up about the fundamental issue in regards to whole of Trans community. Many have stated that such negativity does not bother them, yeah, sure it doesn't if you deaf and blind, but how can it not if every human seeks acceptance and congruity with its surroundings.
I have found only one application which works, and that is full transition inclusive of everything one can do to become a woman. Everything else falls short of that mark, however, this applies to woman who are trapped within wrongfully dealt avatar, not to those who retain male brain and lots of femininity on top of it.

Drastic as it may be, world does not stop for us because we need it too, nor does it become less brutal within its nature derived schematics, but it does what it does best, and accepts everything which falls within the norm.
Society will get there, I so hope, but even then, it will get to the point of acceptance of a new third gender, and that is just not my thing! I always new I was a woman, and that is exactly who I want to live as, nothing more nor less.

So Jenny if you are a woman, the only possibility "in my opinion" is to fully transition visually so that you will be taken as a natal woman!

[kellycan27]

I do kickboxing.. great way to relieve stress and excellent for getting and keeping the body toned without building muscle mass. Swimming is also excellent for toning as well as running. Belly fat is hard to get rid of, but working the abs and getting those muscles tightened up will somewhat reduce the appearance of the fat. I don't do the gym thing.. around here it's more like a fashion show and meet market so I can't offer any advice in respect to your question. I kick box, swim, surf, run, and play in a woman's soccer league. if you can find ways of exercising by doing things that you enjoy it doesn't really feel like work.

Kel

[danielleb]

I ride bicycles. When it comes to a sport fueled by self loathing you can't ask for much more outside of mountain climbing. ;) It would also help to give you a little bigger world than the one you probably live in now.

I can't imagine, in your position especially, turning to drugs! I'm facing a long prison sentence right now after a suicide attempt with police involvement, and I won't let anything stand in the way of doing everything I can to keep moving forward in transition (or death). And that means every penny I can beg, borrow, or steal. So be honest with yourself, and sort your priorities girl!:straightface:

[Beth-Lock]

Jenny, you have opened up about the fundamental issue in regards to whole of Trans community. Many have stated that such negativity does not bother them... but how can it not if every human seeks acceptance and congruity with its surroundings.
I have found only one application which works, and that is full transition inclusive of everything one can do to become a woman. Everything else falls short of that mark...

I find it disquieting that the need to be accepted in one's role as a woman, is one more pressure on transwomen to get the full monte, GRS. It would be better if all people were more tolerant, so that terrificly momentous decsion could be allowed to stand on its own merits.

Of course, you can argue quite rationally that how can the more suspicious among us trust a transwoman not to revert to acting like a male, even in a casual visit to the women's washroom? In fact, at a local sexibition which welcomed particpants of all proclivities, no matter how bizarre, an announcement was made that only post-op transwomen would be allowed to use the women's washrooms, not pre-op or non-op. Of course, our local CD/TS group was livid. So, the prejudice has undeniably strong roots, and shadows all our best attempts at educating the public to be more accepting.

[Raquel June]

It's good to recognize the negativity building up. There are people who try to hide it and bottle it up, and then there are super-defensive people who immediately snap and attack anybody for anything, and neither of them are really healthy.

Sure, you can postpone your transition until you get laser, a few years of HRT, maybe a boob job, a new wardrobe, or whatever. Those things will all probably make you feel better ... more natrual ... and of course less likely to be mentally/physically/verbally abused.

But how we deal with that half-way point is pretty important. And the only answer I really know is that you have to have more positives in your life than negatives, whether that's accepting friends, or a support group, or even just something you can take enough pride in that you don't doubt your self-worth every time someone messes with you. Hopefully we find all those things ... acceptance, support, self-esteem ... and love would be nice.

Because what we all need is confidence. The type of confidence where you come off as a normal human being that people aren't going to think you're weird or some kind of pervert even if you are blatantly non-passable. But you can't simply will yourself to have confidence. You need positive things. And sometimes you need to fake it and then find a friend or a forum or a therapist to unload on later.

One thing's for sure. We can't count on transition to make our life better. We need to build up a lot of support, confidence, and financial stability just to keep transitioning from making our lives worse. Then once we have things in order we can transition to be true to ourselves, to be in a better place mentally, to be at peace ... but it's dangerous to expect the transition to fix problems in our lives.

I was in a blatantly non-passable androgynous state for several months. And somehow I got confidence eventually. I'm not exactly sure how. But it's wonderful not being afraid. Just being able to leave the house and not worry about passing even when you know you don't pass. When I fully transitioned I actually lost a little bit of that confidence and started worrying about passing again. And that's not a good place to be at.

Because the hottest most convincing trans person is still going to get called out sometimes. And knowing that shouldn't have to be something you're afraid of. Because you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have the right to exist.

[MC-lite]

Lose the drugs, or they'll destroy you. I've seen a lot of my friends die or get busted and end up in prison because of drugs.
Even something as innocent and innocuous as smoking pot has consequences.

And yes, perhaps martial arts would be a good thing for you. Vent you frustrations and pick up a little spirituality in the process. The style you choose is entirely up to you. I enjoyed Wu Shu and Akido, although Tai Chi Chu'an was very relaxing for Me.

See what schools are available in your area. :)

Best of Luck. And remember: If you're transitioning, you're undertaking an incredibly difficult task which will test your resolve on so many levels. Be strong, keep us posted. :)

:Miki.

[kimdl93]

Anger isn't a necessary response to anything. Its a choice. IF you choose to ignore an insult or slight its over. They don't exist unless you choose to let them live inside you.