Why the need to pass?

[KlaireLarnia]

I am just being nosey here. I am wondering why so many people here feel they have to pass as female rather than just being a man in female clothing?

I understand those who have gender issues, that makes perfect sense as you are just trying to achieve/be what you feel - and rightly so.

But what about those who inside feel they are male, have no desire to have gender realignment? Why do so many feel you must be able to pass as a woman, rather than just being a man wearing feminine clothing? Is it a self defence mechanism to try and stop/limit any staring or possible "issues" when out in public or are some just following a... trend if that is the right word... that says the "normal" for a crossdresser is to try and pass as female? Or is it something else?

I am looking at it from a perspective where I make no effort to hide who I am. I simply wear female clothes to various degrees based on where I am and what I am doing. Example being taking my wife to hospital this week. I wore NO male clothes at all. Everything was female from trainers to jeans, to top to jumper and handbag. My wife was okay with it as I looked decent and just had a "feminine air" to me, but was not trying to disguise that I was male. It did not stop her holding my hand as we walked in and out of the hospital or dealt with the doctors who where seeing her that day. As we drove home, I even had to ask her to go in my bag in the car to get something out and she did without any issue.

I hope that makes sense and I am in no way trying to pick fault or upset/annoy anyone. I am just trying to understand why the majority seem to have a need to pass as female, and why I appear to be in the minority who don't.

[Mythic]

Good question, and I believe it is different with everyone. So I feel I can only speculate. When people(including us) see someone who looks male but is in womens cloths It feels... off?, like something is not right. I Identify as male, but would like to pass when I dress. I think for others it's because in their mind or people looking at them's mind(since you can't get rid of everything society did to you) it feels normal if you look like a woman. It feels normal when women dress in pants cause it was ok in the society you were brought up in. But it's an odd feeling to see what "appears" male and is dressed as a female, because of(again) the society we were brought up in. The more that guy infront of you seems female even though you know he's male the more compfortable it feels. Ofcourse this is a view I see from people who won't freak out.

You can apply all your logic in my opinion an be ok with really wierd things compared to your society, but not everything will feel ok even if they are logically ok with it just because society will always have some long lasting effects. It's not impossible to get rid of, but it can be difficult. And most would think it odd for a cder to feel wierd from seeing a guy dressed as a woman not trying to pass, but I believe that many share that feeling that lots of non cders feel. Not all of this applies to everyone. I just think it does to the majority.

These are just my observations. And mostly guess work. I could be completly wrong lol. I don't mean to be rude these are just random thoughts. I apologize if I offend anyone with my words or horrible grammar :P

[Diane Smith]

I approach crossdressing from a number of different perspectives. One of these is that it's a craft, an art form, a type of theatre that is about achieving an illusion that I am a different person than I appear to be in my everyday life.

In this context, "passing" is, for me, sort of like the "final exam" to prove whether all the money I've spent on clothes, makeup, jewelry, shoes, etc., and the time learning how to use them all effectively and develop feminine habits and mannerisms, have actually paid off in the real world. Some days I pass (pun intended), some days I fail, and often it depends on who is doing the grading and the other circumstances (time of day and year, crowds, weather, who I'm with, etc.) around the event that makes the difference -- pretty much the same as at school, I guess!

But not making the grade is not a fatal problem. You don't have to ace every test to succeed, and some students can get plenty of benefit out of their studies without an A on the final. Or, you can take a failure as a sign that you need to go back and work harder on some aspect of your presentation.

Like I said, though, this is only one of my perspectives on dressing up. I like the "craft" aspect of it as one part of the whole experience, and "passing" is the validation of that -- but it doesn't address the deeper emotional need to be feminine, which has many more facets than what clothes one wears. From that loftier view, I really couldn't care much less whether I "pass" visually -- although it never hurts, of course -- so I realize that it isn't really the ultimate end goal. Maybe like the final grade in one class, but not the diploma.

I think I've stretched that analogy about as far as it will go without breaking and hurting somebody! :)

- Diane

[Eryn]

Some simply want to pass in order to be able to wear the clothes we want in public without bringing ridicule onto ourselves. Others want to participate in female modes of socialization, which demands passing unless you restrict your contact to like-minded CDers and accepting GGs.

[dragdoll]

I couldn't care less. They're going to figure out I'm male sooner or later anyway, so who cares. I refuse to talk in a fake female voice or duct-tape my junk between my legs. However, I have made efforts to make myself more "gender neutral". Like discarding certain male characteristics or behaviors that weren't doing me any good in the first place. I feel my male self and fem persona are starting converge naturally, no need to force anything.

[Wildaboutheels]

ALL CDers are Humans no matter what combination of letters they use to classify themselves.

Most Humans will be more than happy to accept compliments of any type. Very few [IMO] want any type of "confrontation" or negativity or desire or want any type of criticism even IF it is constructive criticism.

CDers who aren't trying to "pass as a FEMALE" have life much easier in this regard I believe.

EDIT: You have to remember, that many here at this Forum spend an awful lot of time, money and effort in "presenting" themselves to the very best of their ability.

[Krystalina]

I am just being nosey here. I am wondering why so many people here feel they have to pass as female rather than just being a man in female clothing?

I understand those who have gender issues, that makes perfect sense as you are just trying to achieve/be what you feel - and rightly so.

But what about those who inside feel they are male, have no desire to have gender realignment? Why do so many feel you must be able to pass as a woman, rather than just being a man wearing feminine clothing? Is it a self defence mechanism to try and stop/limit any staring or possible "issues" when out in public or are some just following a... trend if that is the right word... that says the "normal" for a crossdresser is to try and pass as female? Or is it something else?

I am looking at it from a perspective where I make no effort to hide who I am. I simply wear female clothes to various degrees based on where I am and what I am doing. Example being taking my wife to hospital this week. I wore NO male clothes at all. Everything was female from trainers to jeans, to top to jumper and handbag. My wife was okay with it as I looked decent and just had a "feminine air" to me, but was not trying to disguise that I was male. It did not stop her holding my hand as we walked in and out of the hospital or dealt with the doctors who where seeing her that day. As we drove home, I even had to ask her to go in my bag in the car to get something out and she did without any issue.

I hope that makes sense and I am in no way trying to pick fault or upset/annoy anyone. I am just trying to understand why the majority seem to have a need to pass as female, and why I appear to be in the minority who don't.

In the last year or two, this has been one of the thoughts that have been pondered on constantly in my mind. When I was growing up, I thought I wanted to be a woman/girl, but over the last few years I realized I adored women clothes.

Not love. Adored.

As I mentioned in other threads, I'm now looking for balance, an feminine androgenous appearance, although I might go all the way if there is a chance(hopefully Halloween this year, for example).

[noeleena]

Hi.

Iv heard many reasons why men wont to dress in our clothes seen it & read it . yet why do men wont our clothes makeup shoes & to shape thier body like ours & the list goes on of cause,

Yet we have over 50 men in our group who wear dress's very colourfull tights & not one of them would even think of dressing as women Thats our N Z Renaissance group reinacting that time, these men are ill use your saying mens men total compleatly,

They treat myself as like any other women , yet thier clothes in the main are lovely,of cause the fighters dress a bit different,

why do the men, will say here go to such lengths to be seen dress & ill say it act like woman body shape = breasts seem to be the big detail, then make up to hide behind & wigs,

Yet why is it they dont just wear our clothes like thier male clothes no high heels make up wigs or breasts or forms,

Now some of cause dont wont to be women they say they are allout men. yet they wont both sides to be seen as men & women.& wont to come in to our space, they wont what we have & then some, .....The take over bid,......

...noeleena...

[WifeofWrenchette]

so others won't make fun of them in public and so they won't get beat up or killed.

[Mollyanne]

I can only speak for myself in that I try to "pass" as a woman for the simple reason because I want to. I have this inner need to feel feminine and to show it. I'm not talking becoming trashy or standing out but just to be able to blend in and not be stared at, laughed at, or ridiculed. We all have our degree of why we do it, when we do it and with whom but it still comes down to the fact that we do it.

Molly

[Carmen]

The word 'Crossdresser'is a general one. It covers a wide spectrum of individuals here that also wear clothes of the opposite gender. This also includes the female to male members of the family.
My interpretation of your post is that you are a male that considers female attire a normal part of his wardrobe, and has no intention or desire to be recognized as a woman whenever you wear them.
I have always liked clothes and shopping for them. Now in my 53 years here on Earth...mens fashions have changed very little. They can only print a shirt in so many ways, it is still a shirt and pants are still pants.
Everyone knows the rest.
Womens fashions are continually changing. The designers have so much more to work with. There are many many more options.

When I am out in the public dressed and presenting as a female, and am being accepted as so, then I feel that I am 'achieving' instead of 'passing'.
I have achieved the level of femininity that I set out to achieve. I know what my favorite style of female attire is and I'm happy with the way my body looks in them.
I style my hair, do my makeup and then go out and enjoy being the girl that I have brought out from within.

[RylieCD]

Wow, I wanted to copy so many replies here and add to them. For me it is that I don't want to be teased or cause any commotion. I know what ever I do I look like a man in a dress so I don't get to go out, there have beena few times where I can say the desire to be dressed in the correct clothes have outweighed the societal impact.

[Karren H]

On a basic level.... passing equals surviving...... not getting hustled.....

[daarleane]

I dress as a woman because I want to, I dress to blend in because I don't wish to create a 'scene". I just want to go about my business and not disturb others or have a confrontational scene in which no body wins.

[Sweet Caroline]

For me passing is a 50/50 thing, it's not a goal. I like to feel pretty and look feminine. Inside me there is a girls heart protected by this man's body.
More than passing physically and beautiful to ward of peoples rude remarks and glances I just give a polite sweet smile in a soft voice or maybe a little wave across the room. Most gawkers are easy to pacify with a "Hello how are you."
Keep in mind now that most of the real women in the world are not all that pretty.
I had one gal tell me I looked better in the dress I Was wearing than she would.
A compliment? Dammed right it was. Once I had the opportunity to dance with my best friend from high school. He remarked that if he knew in high school how pretty I could be , he would have asked me to the prom. Funny thing he still does not know I am a crossdresser, but his sister does. She accompanies me on my girls night out times.

[Billiebluenose1878 GG]

Sadly some of of the general public are judgemental and will say nasty stuff and not give a rats a$$ what they say and what they do ..even me a GG got comments as a child for my issues ..untill the world is a tolerant and respectful place the need to pass will always be there xxxx

[linda allen]

We all have our own reasons. The term "crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum of people, from those who might wear panties to bed to those who are planning on SRS and everything in between.

Me, if I go out in public dressed. I am "pretending" (for lack of a better word) to be a female. Why?, honestly, I don't know but it makes me happy and hurts no one so I'm not going to worry about it.

[Jenniferathome]

I think your perspective is just one end of the spectrum. For me, it isn't just about wearing clothes. When I am in "Jen" mode, I want to project the entire female persona. I don't want stares and I don't want to put other out as a result of my decision. I have no gender issues at all. I am male. I like being male. When I am dressed I do not think of myself as a woman. I am a man who happens to enjoy looking like a woman from time to time.

[kimdl93]

there has been more discussion of "passing" in the past few days than I've seen on this site in the past two years. So, its fair to say that passing or whatever term one wishes to use, is something of significance to CDrs.

I have little to add to the responses your question has already elicited. I would put myself in the camp of those who, much of the time, lives and and wish to be preceived as a woman. I don't have any illusions about being able to pass, but I don't frighten too many small children either.

There are a good many CDrs who don't share that objective, and that's ok too.

[Amanda22]

I'm happy to see this thread. I've wondered the same thing. I am the classic "woman in a man's body." I only understand cross dressing from this perspective. Dressing as a woman minimizes my visible masculine features and makes me feel like "the outside matches the inside." It brings relief and liberation. If I pass, it validates me, and that's important because I've never wanted to be a male. I've always hated my male parts and have gone to sleep thousands of nights hoping I'd wake up, somehow miraculously, with a female body. I still do. Although I respect it 100%, I don't understand why a person who enjoys being a man would want to pass as a woman. I'm not saying that's wrong or less or anything. I don't mean to offend anyone.

[sonna]

most of the time most men are not going to 100% pass. congrats to the one that do
when i realized that changed my life. most places i go, they know im a man (dressed up)
and i just want to say this, i now make it a point to talk to employees of these places i go
in stead of running and hiding when they spot me.

i feel its my obligation to show them that their is nothing wrong with me.
it will make it easier the next time i go and for the next crossdresser
that walks through there door

and to be honest all the places ive been never had a major problem.
alot of gg sales people love to dress you up (added perk)

just be your self.

[melissakozak]

To Pass or Not to Pass, this is THE QUESTION in the world of crossdressing and everyone else who is transgendered. I think the answer for some of us is external validation of internal self-identified gender identity. It is as simple as, a part of me feels female, and if I pass, then these feelings are validated. If not, then the "I feel and look like a man in a dress becomes the next reality." Passing is also a badge of how serious one is about their transgender identity. I, for example, very strongly identify as female inside and always have, but transition for me would, at this point be a complete disaster because I actually enjoy the life I have created as a man...however, I am also a tiny man at 5'9" and 155 pounds with an extremely androgynous body who can look male or female with a a change of clothes. I am lucky. And yes, because I strongly identify as female, passing is extremely important to me. I have never felt like a 'man' in a dress....more like, this is a big part of who I am when I dress. The clothes are a means to an end, not an end in itself.

For some CDers, passing just doesn't matter. The entire goal of passing or not is up to the individual. For some CDers it is less important, and for those who are TS, it is absolutely one of the main goals for transition. Where the line gets blurred is when people are truly living bigendered lives, such as myself.

[Amanda22]

i now make it a point to talk to employees of these places i go
in stead of running and hiding when they spot me.

i feel its my obligation to show them that their wrong with me.
it will make it easier the next time i go and for the next crossdresser
that walks through there door

and to be honest all the places ive been never had a major problem.
alot of gg sales people love to dress you up (added perk)

just be your self.

Thank you for doing that, Sonna. I do the same. People invariably love talking to me and getting to know me. I've never had a bad experience. GG sales people fawn over me. I know they're trying to make sales and I make their effort pay off, but they really like me. Other women shoppers love to see a guy trying hard to be feminine and making no apologies.

[Cynthia Anne]

It's a great feeling being ma-am in public! Plus I was tought know

matter what I do, to do the best I can! knowing you've done that is an award in itself!:)

[Sarasometimes]

The members here are all different to some degree. Some are post op transexuals others just underdress and some are like me who want to be able to move about undetected and participate in activities appearing as females. For me the motivation is that when I accomplish this I have a better experience while dressed. My most memorable time was when i was getting my wig set in rollers and the client next to me asked " Can you do what she is getting on me?" Now at first I thought the she pronoun was courteous but I later found out that she really thought I was a female until she heard me speak a bit. I have had several similar experiences and they all were great for me.
I believe that on a good day I can blend, which is when I don't notice heads turning or get any obvious double takes. As I said we all are unique and ican't imagine how or why someone would want to wear female clothing in public clearly looking like a male. That doesn't in any way mean doing so is wrong or right. it just isn't my thing.
Great thread, Thx to the OP!

[Mariko]

I think your perspective is just one end of the spectrum. For me, it isn't just about wearing clothes. When I am in "Jen" mode, I want to project the entire female persona. I don't want stares and I don't want to put other out as a result of my decision. I have no gender issues at all. I am male. I like being male. When I am dressed I do not think of myself as a woman. I am a man who happens to enjoy looking like a woman from time to time.

It's about the same for me. I just started 2 weeks ago and have to learn yet, how to use makeup the right way. I tested a few things on omegle and got a lot of compliments, which made me really happy and gave me the feeling that I can achieve an almost passing look. It's kinda like a challenge for me. I want to make the best impression of a female that I could. It's just for fun, a new hobby (an expensive one for that matter). :)

[NicoleScott]

For many of us (including me), crossdressing is largely visual. Yes, I like the feel, sounds, and smells, but it's the appearance that does it for me. When I look into the mirror, I want to see a woman, even as different that ideal image is for me than it is for others.

[JenniferR771]

Like most crossdressers, I get a kick out of looking like an attractive woman. As time marches on, it takes more to get that "Kick". I need a more intense experience. So I added makeup, wig, forms. And finally I went out shopping. I loved to watch my reflection in store windows. I loved the idea that women thought I was a woman. I was not so comfortable with men thinking I was a woman. I did not want to be the object of their desire. I liked it when they held the door for me though.

[ronda]

i dress as a woman so that i can feel like a woman (what ever that might be) so i want to appear to look like a woman as close as i can to satisfiy me not anyone else as any self respecting woman would do i don't have to pass just be me Hugs Ronda

[Kate Simmons]

It mostly depends on the individual person. Some have a "need to pass", while to others it may be more of a "sense of being".:)

[Sam-antha]

.
.
Its a habit



Way back in time, when Samantha first went out and about, women wore skirts.
.

Skinny jeans and bikinis were almost unheard of and as for the internet, that was not even science fiction. Dungarees were the then equivalent of jeans and a one piece swimsuit was often worn by men.
Now who in there full femm mode would want to wear either of those ? No internet meant no reassignment cafuffle and like others I existed. Skirts were near ankle length as I remember. Now I love my minis. Two piece swimsuits come from various places in interesting styles, (placeslike the High Street or like Fig leaf if you dare).

~Samm

[danielletorresani]

I love to achieve being passable. I can do it in some pics (or at least I like to think I can), but in person my shoulders a a bit too broad, I think.

Being passable is important to me because I like to see what I'd actually look like as a female and it's just a bigger turn-on to see in pics.

[Jmichelle60]

Some simply want to pass in order to be able to wear the clothes we want in public without bringing ridicule onto ourselves. Others want to participate in female modes of socialization, which demands passing unless you restrict your contact to like-minded CDers and accepting GGs. My feelings are the same as Eryn's on this one. She hit right on the head.

[Butterfly Bill]

so others won't make fun of them in public and so they won't get beat up or killed.

I have been out in public for the last 18 years, and I have never been beat up or killed, and the making fun has been maybe once every three or four months someone might yell something out the window of a passing car. And I live in Oklahoma.

[Eryn]

I have been out in public for the last 18 years, and I have never been beat up or killed, and the making fun has been maybe once every three or four months someone might yell something out the window of a passing car. And I live in Oklahoma.

The first time I ever encounted a CDer was as a child in the '60s. It was in a small Western town full of cowboy mentality, a place where a hippie of the time wouldn't receive a good reception.

Yet, for some reason this crossdresser was tolerated. She bought clothes at the thrift store where my mother volunteered, and they would set aside items in her size when they came in.

Years later, when I understood the dynamic better I asked my father how this particular person could be so tolerated in such a red-neck town. He said "It's simple. He was the best Diesel mechanic in a hundred miles."

Moral? Be a valuable member of society and society will tend to overlook one's pecadillos!

[AllieSF]

I can only dress completely with forms, wig, makeup, shoes, clean legs and face. I want to blend in and be noticed at the sake time. I never ever considered, and never will, wearing women's clothing and presenting as a man. I understand your question and respect your right to be who you are and present how you like. However, I have that same question as you do but in reverse. Why would someone want to dress in women's clothing and present as a guy? I know that they will be noticed, probably not confronted and receive additional attention as someone who stands out as being very different? I sometimes think that maybe some do that just to be different, wearing something that they like and looking to stand out on the crowd.

I am not afraid how people perceive me, but I do want to emulate as best possible a female. I do not pass up close, but easily get by at a distance. I actively engage total strangers in sometimes very long and intimate conversations about whatever. I enjoy being the man that I am and dressing up as a women and going out when I can.

[Chickhe]

Its simple, really. Its reality vs something else. If you plan to live in the world and be accepted as a woman full time, then you have to do a good job, but maybe not perfect because its a lot of effort...and for some its a reality that they need time and work to get there...so its just a trade-off and you have to learn to just be yourself no matter how good you look. For others, CDing part time its more like a challenge to be passable...its the ultimate success....why? to experience what a woman does. Doesn't mean you want to be one, but maybe you just want to experience it. Its because I keep hearing that 'Girls have fun'... I want to have fun too.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kalaire, Every Crossdresser his his own level of satisfaction.

[jsunic_1978]

Shopping is really fun Chickhe :) you look really good and I wouldn't mind having an lesbian experience with another CD I really would, seriously and I would enter a relationship with one that has already transitioned to a woman.

[KlaireLarnia]

Interesting replies and thank you for them all. I know there is no one simple answer to my question and there are as many reasons as there are people here. I fully understand the perception thing. I get some very odd looks at times, but to me braving these... social conceptions.. is what helps make me feel stronger inside. Yes some people look at me as if I am freak and should be locked away for the safety of world. Others do not bat an eyelid at me. But the social sigma can be very hard at times and the pressure of needing to conform - even now - is something I have to bow to at times so I do understand.

While I have experimented with looking female in the past it kinda repulses me as that is not who or what I am. I can never look in the mirror and see "Klaire". While I accept there are two sides to my personality, they live in harmony and make me who I am as a whole person. Perhaps I cannot (and may never) understand this acting/being female thing because I see my Gemini personality combined and never as separate pieces/people. I am me, whether in male / female / mixed clothing. I never change my personality or desires. I simply am.

Never considered that passing as female would make it easier to wear what you want, but the logic is totally sound. Maybe because looks are only one part of passing and again I have no distinct female personality, only my blended mix inside me - it makes it hard to grasp this.

My mind is now asking a question and it is technically rhetorical as there is no real answer.

Who is the biggest threat to society:

The man who wears female clothes just because he doesn't see why he can't what he wants or the man tries to pass as female just so he can wear what he wants?

I don't even society can answer that one.

[Wildaboutheels]

I am not sure you meant to use the word "threat"?

NO ONE is a threat to Society simply because of the clothes they choose to wear.

Who is a bigger threat to Society? A business man in a suit or a hospital worker in scrubs?

[Jaymees22]

Hi Klaire, Everyone is different, I've only been dressing two months, I took my first trip to a store today I think I passed, who knows who cares, it made me feel like I accomplished something. I saw a young man today dressed in feminine clothes, not my thing but live and let live...I make it a policy not to dig too deep. Jaymee

[KellyJameson]

There are different degrees of passing and as you "pass" through each door you open up experiences that would be otherwise unknown and unavailable to you.

Each of us experiences the world according to our circumstances but sometimes we need or want to experience the world in ways that our circumstances do not allow so we work toward changing them.

There is an intense sense of freedom that comes from being invisible (passing) but only to those that need it.

Passing can be serious work or playfully frivolous and both are legitimate needs but those who make no attempt to pass expand the world for those who want or need to by making everything acceptable increasing the freedoms and protections of others.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Klair,

Someone said, I think Seinfeld, that the number one fear people have is public embarrassment not dying. Being passable means not being publicly embarrassed. No one, or perhaps very few of us, want to be embarrassed and or humiliated while out in public. So no matter if ones love of female clothing is a sexual fetish or who we feel we truly are, passing means not being noticed for ridicule. I think people also have an innate fascination with being able to "trick" people, as it were. It's one's little secret. But mainly to avoid public ridicule.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Krististeph]

Wow, wonderful question! Please indulge me as i play master po here for a minute or two... ( I'm not shaolin, but have practiced pa-kua and wu-jang to some degree for a third of a century now-): passing is a benchmark you have set up in your mind, as o have most of us (me included). It has fuzzy borders, but it is a real delineation in what we are concerned with- being seen as male or female.

Write back to me in 10 or 20 years, and tell me whether or not you finally begin to feel that the transition of male to female is not just as important as being seen as female.

What we do- is is not unlike magic- illusion, not for the purpose of hurting others, but in skillfully manipulating other's perception of you or your actions.

it is a dep question worthy of taoist meditation, but it is also answered equally well in a prosaic manner.

May i suggest you stare yourself in the face in a mirror- and repeat your question five times? It's a nice little exercise to help you focus in a less chatic manner. And unlike every single medicatio out there- it has NO adverse reactions... ;-)

deep breaths, and ask yourself that question over an over as a "mantra". You'll get some really good insights rather quickly, in terms of learning and applying eastern philosophies...

-kristi (following her own advice almost daily- and much of a pain as it is)

(big hug to you- as one of my best mentors does to me.)

[Cheryl T]

I dress this way so that others can see the me that's inside struggling to get out.
I could never go out dresses "half-way"...in other words, my bra and forms under a t-shirt, no makeup or wig, and the like. I'm not trying to push the boundaries of society or be androgynous. I'm just trying to be me.

[Kaz]

I love this thread! But it does show the breadth of feelings about this whole area. I have kind of gotten used to seeing my male head on top of a slim(ish) female looking form, but it always looks wrong to me. When I then transform with makeup and wig the feeling is awesome. Yes I would love to experience what women do and over my life I have often wished I was one. But I suspect if I was I may just want this old life back. I am too old to realistically go the whole hog with GRS etc.. and as I said I would hate to be there and regret it.

So for me the closest I can get is to try to look and feel as close to a female as I can get. And that I guess is passing. Because if I can pass, then I can get out and experience the outside world as well as within the proverbial four walls.

I haven't been out for a while. I haven't 'transformed' for a while. I really miss it and keep planning a few days away to go 'en femme' 24/7... just need to justify the spend!

[STACY B]

I couldn't care less. They're going to figure out I'm male sooner or later anyway, so who cares. I refuse to talk in a fake female voice or duct-tape my junk between my legs. However, I have made efforts to make myself more "gender neutral". Like discarding certain male characteristics or behaviors that weren't doing me any good in the first place. I feel my male self and fem persona are starting converge naturally, no need to force anything. Now this is a GIRL after my own HEART !! Me an her are on the same PAGE ,,,, Im not doing all that ,,Im way to lazy to go all out 24/7 ,,But I wear what I want when I want ,,Dont get me wrong ,,, Im not going to put fuel on the fire ,, If you try an push it to much yull get whats comeing to ya . But for the most part no one cares . I wear girl clothes 24/7 an no body says anything . But I woundn't recemend wear heels an mini to walmart with a beard ,,, But maybe some capis an sneekers ,, But you gotta figure out what you want how far your willing to go .An no when to say when ,,,Just like drinking ,,,lol,,,, So most of this craps in your head ,,Nobodys staring at you ,,, BUT MEEEEEE ,,,,,HA,,,,HA,,,,HA,,,, Looking good by the way ,,,LOL,,,

[docrobbysherry]

Considering how many folks have guns in this country!?:eek:

Plus, have u ever tried to escape from a pitchfork and torch bearing mob in these new 6" platform heels? :doh:

Passing is the only COMPLETELY SAFE WAY to go out these days!:devil:

[TxCassie]

For me, I don't know if I want to pass more than I just want my appearance to be as feminine as possible. I don't want to transition, though the taught of being "En Femme" for a evening of social interaction, is a thought that pleases my soul. It's not just about the clothes, the shoes, but the face too, the act of putting on makeup, adjusting every strap, smoothing the skirt, pulling up the stockings, slipping into those heels. I doubt I'll ever really pass with a cleft chin, broad shoulders, a non-beer, beer belly, and running back thighs, but honey, I'm the prettiest grunt around, and I feel wonderful when I'm dress. In the end, that's what's it about, isn't it dear.

Cassie :love:

[Chubbycd]

I know I'll never pass, but I just need to be brave and have fun.

[KlaireLarnia]

Considering how many folks have guns in this country!?:eek:

Plus, have u ever tried to escape from a pitchfork and torch bearing mob in these new 6" platform heels? :doh:

Passing is the only COMPLETELY SAFE WAY to go out these days!:devil:

Hey I don't live in the USA so thankfully the chance of me getting shot are a lot lower... This is why I asked the question. Same rules, same ideals, same threats/problems are not the same in each country.

[jsunic_1978]

I love this thread! But it does show the breadth of feelings about this whole area. I have kind of gotten used to seeing my male head on top of a slim(ish) female looking form, but it always looks wrong to me. When I then transform with makeup and wig the feeling is awesome. Yes I would love to experience what women do and over my life I have often wished I was one. But I suspect if I was I may just want this old life back. I am too old to realistically go the whole hog with GRS etc.. and as I said I would hate to be there and regret it.



So for me the closest I can get is to try to look and feel as close to a female as I can get. And that I guess is passing. Because if I can pass, then I can get out and experience the outside world as well as within the proverbial four walls.

I haven't been out for a while. I haven't 'transformed' for a while. I really miss it and keep planning a few days away to go 'en femme' 24/7... just need to justify the spend!


In the fall, I wear uggs and women's jeans and a uni sweater presenting as a guy, when I just want to wear my soft comfy uggs. when I wear Uggs out as a guy, I have the pant leg over the boot.

[sfwarbonnet]

If you can pass as a female, you blend in better and can comfortably use the ladies restroom.

[Stephanie47]

Well, if you feel there is an inner feminine side to yourself, then you want to emulate or at least accentuate that inner feminine side of yourself. I believe there is a good deal of femininity within me seeking time to express herself when the dominant male side needs to take a break from the stresses of life. So, for me, it is not just wanting to wear female clothing as a male, but, it is the inner female trying to act and look her best. That requires some work to temporarily remove some of the masculine traits and appearances of Stephanie's twin brother. Even with Stephanie's best efforts his vestiges will remain.

[sometimes_miss]

As I don't go 'out', I don't really need to pass. But part of me still thinks I'm supposed to be a girl, so I'm always going to feel a bit uncomfortable unless enough signs are there to indicate that I am. Fortunately, it doesn't take much, clothes, accessories and a wig pretty much does it, I don't have to go through the mannerisms and trying to change my voice or anything. But it needs to be 'enough' to convince 'that part of me' that I'm really a girl. That's why I need to 'pass', to me....not anyone else.

[dragdoll]

Now this is a GIRL after my own HEART !! Me an her are on the same PAGE ,,,, Im not doing all that ,,Im way to lazy to go all out 24/7 ,,But I wear what I want when I want ,,Dont get me wrong ,,, Im not going to put fuel on the fire ,, If you try an push it to much yull get whats comeing to ya . But for the most part no one cares . I wear girl clothes 24/7 an no body says anything . But I woundn't recemend wear heels an mini to walmart with a beard ,,, But maybe some capis an sneekers ,, But you gotta figure out what you want how far your willing to go .An no when to say when ,,,Just like drinking ,,,lol,,,, So most of this craps in your head ,,Nobodys staring at you ,,, BUT MEEEEEE ,,,,,HA,,,,HA,,,,HA,,,, Looking good by the way ,,,LOL,,,

I think what I originally said came across all wrong. Now ideally I'd love to pass 100% of the time, but I've always been androgynous looking even when not dressed fem, so when I'm dressed fem I know I pass from a distance. I never really got into wearing dresses so when I am CDing its usually something casual or maybe 'goth' looking. I've had longish hair for a long time so I don't need a wig. Not to mention I've had "man boobs" for awhile, although not very big. The point is, I think I can do a pretty good job of blending in without drawing attention to myself. I put on just enough make-up that its not too obvious that I'm wearing it. Worst case scenario is people might assume that I'm gay or a sissy. I'm not scared of jerkoffs who drive around in trucks and yell out the window. They're annoying but most of them are pussies so I don't worry about it. I do stay away from the more dangerous areas though.

[Nichola]

so others won't make fun of them in public and so they won't get beat up or killed.

This post sums up my fears perfectly, & if I ever get brave enough to venture out again these are the main reasons I'd hope to pass.