Let's Change the World

[Jocelyn Renee]

I have written this post so many times in the past, only to pour over it trying to edit here, change a word there - all in the hopes of softening the tone. In the end, it just never comes out right and I end up discarding it. However, I've just got to get it out there in hopes that what I have to say may be of help to someone. Before I begin, I need to let you all know that I love my sisters - each and every one. We all have similar stories and we all have similar fears.

I've been a cross dresser for 31 years. Like many others, my experiences have run the gamut from pure fetish dressing in panties to just being me in a dress, wig, and full makeup. I've experienced the fear of getting caught and the thrill of taking my first tentative steps out in the real world. I've lost friends, relationships, and a child. I've purged. I've prayed that I would change. Finally, I have come to not only accept my dual nature, but to welcome it as a blessing - an it only took me 31 years!

For many reasons, I stopped dressing about 6 years ago - just quit cold turkey and never looked back. Last December something happened - I don't know what - that brought my femme side back front and center; this time it was stronger than ever before. Since then I have scoured the Internet looking for sisters to meet in real life, joining every forum I could find, and chatting for hours with a few gems and a whole lot of unbelievably shallow men.

After all this time, I have just got to say this: Stop whining; stop blaming society, family, and friends. Put on your favorite dress, your best smile, and GO OUTSIDE! If someone calls you a name or laughs, smile at them, go home and have a good cry, and then get up and do it again the next day - and don't forget to smile. Take small steps or go for broke in one big outing; it doesn't matter. Just do it.

Ladies, I'm gonna say something sacrilegious here: It is a civil society's duty to set high standards, enact barriers, and enforce standards of behavior through peer pressure, laws, or even ridicule. I *want* to live in a society that casts a skeptical eye towards new ideas and demands proof that new concepts are not going to lead to a breakdown in that society.

Think that's a crazy statement? Try this little experiment then: Read interviews with admitted child molesters or peruse an advocate Website. Now, substitute the the word "transgender" for the word "molester" and see how remarkably similar the writing and postings are to anything you will find on this forum. You'll see statements like, "People don't understand.", "It's not fair.", "and "I don't understand why I'm like this; I just am." Do the same experiment with Klan sites, Neo-Nazi sites, or nearly any group that represents a significant statistical minority.

I am, in no way, equating being transgendered with child molesters or Klansmen. Rather, I am asserting that our treatment is not substantially based on bigotry or small mindedness. The primary reason is that we are different; we are a small population. As such, we represent a *potential* threat to an orderly society. In other words, we represent a "new idea". How in the world is society going to evaluate what it means for the broader masses, if we are sitting at home, hidden away in shame like - well a child molester or Klansman? The big question, of course, is what will happen. Will you lose friends, mates, or family members? Maybe. But I would consider that a blessing. Yes, that's right - it's a blessing.

Consider this scenario: through a friend, you meet a guy who seems like a nice person. The three of you are chatting over a beer, when the subject of cars comes up and he mentions that he drives a Ford truck. When you mention you drive a Chevy truck, he starts laughing, calling you names, and going on and on about how a real man drives a Ford. How would you react to this person? Would you want to continue to have this person in your life? No? Then, if you would not accept this sort of behavior from a relative stranger, why would you accept this sort of behavior from a true friend?

Think about your best friend in the whole world. In my case, my best friend and I have known each other since the age of 5. In the intervening 38 years we have laughed and cried together. We've laid in the summer grass spinning tales about what our futures would bring. We've stood up for each other at weddings and we've held each other at funerals. So, one day I decide to confide in him that I am actually left-handed, that I've been faking it all these years because I wanted to be like everyone else.

What would his reaction be? You think you know, but until you step up, there's always that little nagging doubt. One thing I do know for certain: if that little fact, that revelation that I was born somehow different, was enough for him to erase 38 years; I would first feel incredibly angry that I had wasted such a large portion of my life and then I would feel incredibly grateful that I found out the truth and never again had to associate with such a small-minded person.

So, if we are not going to accept poor behavior from a relative stranger, then we certainly are not going to accept it from someone we call a friend. And, if that's true, then why would you ever accept it from your family? You know, the ones that are supposed to love you unconditionally? If you could walk up to a complete stranger on the street and say, "Hi. I'm a crossdresser." and have them react with interest or in a positive manner, yet your own family ridicules you, what does that say about your relationship? Do you feel better knowing the only reason your siblings or parents don't disown you is because they don't know you crossdress?

I talk to sisters all the time who tell me they are afraid to tell their friends and family. When asked why, the reason is that they don't want to ruin the great relationship they have with them. Hmmm..you know what I think? I think that if those people would drop you from their lives over this, then you don't really have a good relationship with them. Deep down, you know that too. So, take time to mourn the loss, don't beat yourself up too long over so stupidly wasting your time with them, and go out and find friends that accept all of you. Horrifically painful? You bet. Will you be better off in the long? Absolutely!

Ladies, this is obviously a complex issue. However, when faced with complex decisions, I try to strip away the components, one-by-one, until I get to the core problem. Getting rid of the emotional components is especially important if we are going to make informed decisions. So, we have two choices: Stay in the closet or come out.

If you stay in the closet, here's what is going to happen. You're going to "assume" you know how everyone will react, which will lead to feelings of resentment. You're going to look to assign blame, which will lead to feelings of resentment. Year after year is going to pass; you're going to feel worse and worse. Then, one day your life is over and you're left wondering what might have been. All this, and you don't even really "know" what could have been.

Now, if you come out of the closet, you MAY experience short term pain. You MAY experience occasional name-calling or snickering. Compare that to the unrelenting feelings of shame and disgust you experience now. Compare that to the longing you feel to just be yourself. Since we're throwing a lot of "maybes" around, consider this: MAYBE your life will be better than you ever imagined.

I know that some things will definitely happen. Some or all of your friends will accept you and learn from you. Some or all of your family will accept you and learn from you. They will spread this newfound knowledge to their friends. Barriers will start coming down. Society will begin to change.

I'm not better than anyone here. I've lied, I've hidden, and I've denied - for 31 years!. Today, I find myself on the other side. You're gonna have to trust me on this - it's better over here. It's not without risk and it's not without pain. But it is better.

In this horrifically long post, I've failed to mention wives. That's because I believe wives should be treated differently. We chose them for a lifetime and they did the same. The problem for most of us, myself included, is that they didn't get the fairness of full disclosure. The issue of wives is complex and better left for a post on another day.

Cheers,
Jocelyn

[Billijo49504]

WOW, you sure hit on a lot of thing, all in one post. Please don't take this wrong, but I think you are as confused as the rest of us...BJH
PS. My wife is special..

[Phoebe Reece]

Wow Jocelyn, you put a lot out there to ponder over! Although my life experiences have been different in many ways from yours, I do agree with much of what you have said. I especially agree with:
Stop whining; stop blaming society, family, and friends. Put on your favorite dress, your best smile, and GO OUTSIDE! If someone calls you a name or laughs, smile at them, go home and have a good cry, and then get up and do it again the next day - and don't forget to smile. Take small steps or go for broke in one big outing; it doesn't matter. Just do it.

[susandrea]

I try to ask myself this question every few months:

If I knew for certain that I would be dead in a year, would I continue living as I do or would I make some big changes?

Then I ask:

Does it matter if you don't know? What if you actually have less time? And if you died tomorrow and reviewed your life, would your biggest emotion be one of regret from chances never taken?

True-- spouses are not the same as friends and family when it comes to outing yourself.

Also true-- You should expect (even demand) more from all three than you do from strangers, and you have to be willing and able to give it, too.

I know that I would be horrified and terribly saddened if my partner had lived with such a secret and was afraid to tell me. I'd consider myself a failure that I instilled that much fear and had built up such walls. My number one rule in a relationship is: If you share my bed and my life, you are expected to share your heart and soul with me as well. :hugs:

[TGMarla]

Well, this is a lot to digest. Let me say first of all that I agree with you on most of what you say. I find it interesting that even when faced with the absolute logic that blows holes in our most basic fears, those fears are still there, and about as powerful as ever. I would also note that even if I were to "out" myself to my friends, even with their full acceptance, the notion that I could still keep this from my unaccepting wife is absurd. And thus falls the house of cards. Sure, sure, a house of cards may not be worth living in, but in a storm, any shelter may be welcome.

You stated the following: "It is a civil society's duty to set high standards, enact barriers, and enforce standards of behavior through peer pressure, laws, or even ridicule. I *want* to live in a society that casts a skeptical eye towards new ideas and demands proof that new concepts are not going to lead to a breakdown in that society." I note that this did not stop the entertainment industry from poisoning our society with foul, vulgar, pornographic, violent, and hate-filled amoral "music", not to mention television and movies. Yet you condone those barriers when they question something as benign as crossdressing.

Your arguments are quite logical and well thought out, eloquently stated, and probing. But we are dealing with issues here that have little or nothing to do with logic. Crossdressing and societies norms are as compatable as oil and water to most people. You are quite correct that if we were to just be open about it, our lives may well change for the better. I'm willing to bet that if we all came forth at once, with no exceptions, declaring our transgendered natures to all with one unified voice, we would likely cause a gender revolution, as a huge percentage of the population suddenly spoke in support of an idea whose time has finally come. Yet, if we each slowly creep from our closets one by one, voicing ourselves alone with no one behind us to give support before the masses, we would find more often than not, that each of our lives, with some exception, would be destroyed brick by brick, one of us at a time. It is no wonder that we keep to the closet. I'll be sure to keep my resentment in check.

Listen, Jocelyn, I value what you say. Anyone who can put together as intelligent an argument as you have, as carefully thought out and so eloquently spoken, is obviously a valuable person, intelligent and worth knowing. But these "truths" just do not work for everyone every time. But thank you for stating these ideas anyway. It was definitely worth the read.

[Lauren_T]

Jocelyn, on your major points I'm with you 100%! :^5: :thumbup:
I've long felt the same way, particularly that, as you so incisively observe, relationships with family and friends that could actually rupture under the strain are fundamentally weak to begin with - and that CDing is woefully insufficient reason in itself for a worthwhile person to break off a genuinely close relationship.

I do take issue with a passing point, however inconsequential it is to your overall argument.

I suggest you have let a post hoc fallacy slip in. I read you as saying essentially that society has rational justification in distrusting nonconformists, since the rationalizations of dangerous psychopaths are superficially the same as the (legitimate) complaints of all oppressed nonconforming (but sane) minorities.

The reverse is actually the case: Psychopathic personalities such as child molesters, as a matter of course, are in denial as to the consequences of their actions. In order to rationalise away their treatment by society and camouflage their true motives even from themselves, they have, since the Civil Rights era began, learned to co-opt the defenses widely heard from benign minority groups reacting to oppressive treatment.

Also, 'martyr complexes' are commonplace among antisocial personalities. They see the violent acts of people who have been subjected to unfair discrimination. Society labels the actors victims and sets about excusing them. So it's hard for psychos to not notice that "oppressed minority victim" is a great disguise.

Actually, all of that greatly overintellectualises what is a well-known hardwired primitive behaviour traceable back to nearly the origins of life itself.

After having reread the words above, I see I can recast this and make a very important general point as well.

You say: Society discriminates against CDs. Society also discriminates against psychos. Since psychos think themselves 'oppressed' for society's condemnation of them, they adopt the language of the truly oppressed. Since society listens to psychos and then hears the same complaint from the oppressed, it then has the reasonable fear that anyone claiming oppression is a psycho.

I say: Society discriminates against both groups. In the case of psychos, that discrimination is morally correct and appropriate and just. In the case of harmless but "different" people it is immoral, inappropriate and unjust.

And my point is: I say that humans living in early 21st Century Western society have an obligation to their fellow humans to be intelligent enough to know the difference between malignant nonconformity and benign.

It's not that discrimination itself is wrong; rational, fair discrimination is indipensible to survival - it's irrational, unfair discrimination that needs be universally eradicated.

Shunning other humans over nothing more than objectively harmless deviations from behavioural norms is the act of a mind little more developed than a caveman's.



...but anyway, all that bit detracts not a whit from the remainder of your argument, which is quite sound and utterly spot-on... thanks

[Sarahgurl371]

WOW an idealist. I agree with just about everything you stated.

I am an idealist as well. Problem is I live in a world where I am forced to be a realist.

If we are ALL willing to meet in front of the White House, Stand up En Drab, and proclaim our right to respect from this society, I suspect we would get it from the majority of people. I don't know how many of US there are. But with anything, safety in numbers. If I thought for a moment, that enough of us were willing to say: MY NAME IS _____________, and I am a productive, caring, moral, and law abiding citizen of the United States of America. I am a CD, TV, TS, whatever, I would be right there with you.

The problem is that enough wont stand up. I agree with your point. Its because we all have to go back home to our town, were maybe we are the only one, or maybe theres even two of us, and I believe, that our lives would be turned upside down. I would certainlly fear more than the loss of a few "friends". I would fear the loss of my job, my social standing, my personal safety. I know many people who in the public would never condemn, or harm, ethnic or racial minorities, but in private, do it all the time. Bad or immoral, no doubt. Real? Absolutley.

Another problem is that we, in the USA are very much into materialism. Keeping up with the Jones's. Its one thing to take away a few people who we thought were friends. Take away somone's job. Great. Now how do you eat? The possibilities are endless, and yes, they are all what ifs. The point is that I agree that as a HUMAN, I need to protect the species, provide for my own well being, and keep an open mind about the rest. I need to be a moral person, a just person. Problem is...my idea of morality and yours are probably not the same.

In my moralltiy, a gay person, or a racial minority, or a woman, or a person of different faith, is just as much a human being, a moral individual as the next. Thier orientation, or identifying characteristic doesn't make them any less a moral and just person than ony one else. Read a newspaper lately? I'm sure that other self proclaimed moral and just people, like myself, wouldn't agree with me on this issue. Who is right. I BELIEVE I AM! We live in a society that makes us conform, and if you don't, you better be ready to be next.

Common sense, and understanding is what we need. The ablity to accept others who are different. When we figure out how to instill a certain amount of common sense (something that I know what it is, but how do I define),understanding, and acceptance, into every living being, I think that the world would be a great place to live.

Until then, what do we do? We, the minorities. We could do nothing, like some of us have, and hope for contentment, and happines. We could stand up, like some of us, and other minorities have done, and demand respect, and human rights. Which we feel would lead to personal contentment and happiness. Or we could choose our battles, picking away at the prejudices that society uses to keep itself safe, until one day, we, as well, as women, and racial and ethinc minorities, are finally deamed worthy of human rights and respect. BTW, none of those groups have gotten that from society yet either.

I don't know how to fix it, some would say it ain't broke. Good post though. Any time people can exchange ideas, and communicate, someone is bound to learn something and walls will begin to crumble.

[Maria D]

I someone said to you what you have said in that post, during one of your purves, would you have listened? We have TV adverts at the moment with a smoker talking about his feelings once he got lung cancer, and apparently he died after the advert was made. Just under 20 million people still smoke here though. If the frame of mind isn't right, people just don't listen, whatever is said, however right it may be.

That doesn't mean you should stop saying it of course, and it doesn't mean that you aren't broadly speaking right about standing up, but I wouldn't expect too many people to actually say 'Yes, tomorrow I shall go to work in a dress.' Personally, one big worry I have is not someone laughing at me, it's some big bloke axing me to death. I've been called many names, I can take that, but I have no desire to take an axing.

Lastly, molesting children hurts them as part of a direct act upon their person. Being a funny snarling clown tends to mean harbouring thoughts of hatred or hurt towards other people. Crossdressing hurts noone save those who have a problem with it. So whose problem is it? (Of course, having kept it hidden can itself hurt people when they find out, that's a different issue.) Is this sort of indirect hurt really a justification to not do something? Honestly? Because I can't stand yellow shirts, Elvis Presley and peanut butter. It makes me want to be sick, in fact. So do I ask people to not eat it? Should I? Well, I don't, anyway.
As an aside, my sister was terribly upset when I had both ears pierced, saying it wasn't the done thing, that I was a freak and should not have done it, how dare I? She also said that she admired my strength for ignoring society and having them done. Admire the strength, hate the act. That kinda amuses me.

Take care
Maria.

[Kimberly]

There's just one thing:

Molesters and Nazi's hurt people physically and emotionally; crossdressing can only hurt emotionally, for the short term. I therefore resent this comparison.

I agree with the fact that you should express who you are, but we must remember that whatever path we choose - it will never be an easy one. Never. And your comments and arguments seem very flippant. It's far more complex than just being hurt and getting over it.

[Jocelyn Renee]

This post came from editing a blog entry I made sometime ago. Unfortunately, I inadvertently removed two paragraphs that would have clarified my position a little further. Rather than reposting the missing material verbatim, I'll just clarify some points:

- I am absolutely not equating cross dressing with Nazis or child molesters. I am saying that by using the same language as they do, WE are lumping ourselves in with them. We are not harming people, so let's not adopt their language of persecution.

- I know that society is frequently dead wrong. People irrationally fear what they don't know or understand. My point is that sometimes society needs a nudge in the right direction. Great changes in society come from small steps - changing one person at a time. It's pretty easy to hate TG people when all one knows of us is some caricature from a movie or a dysfunctional idiot from Jerry Springer. It's a lot harder to hate us when the TG person is your sibling, your respected colleague, your best friend, or you own child.

- I was once outed by someone I considered a friend. Within two months my live-in girlfriend of 6 years had left and taken our daughter. She threatened to expose everything if I didn't give up nearly all my parental rights. Every single person at work turned against me, making it too uncomfortable to continue working there. I very nearly ended up becoming homeless and ultimately moved 800 miles away to escape the mess. So, yeah, I know what is at stake and I know what the realities are. I also know that today, nearly 20 years later, the reality of my life is completely opposite. And I'm not alone; there are dozens, if not hundreds of sisters on this forum who are successfully out to various degrees.

My intention here was to be inspirational, not flippant or arrogant. I'm not questioning anyone's courage or pretending I know your situation better than you. Every situation is unique and only you can decide what is best for you. My heart bleeds for any sister who suffers. I am humbled by the risks taken by those far braver than myself, and I am saddened to read about the pain our shared experiences bring us. I've suffered them right along with the rest of you for 31 years.

But, I am also cheered by the success stories I read here and cheered by the turnaround in my own life. I'm simply asking everyone to *consider* whether or not they can reasonably begin taking some small steps in their own lives. My experience and the experience of many others supports the idea that society is MUCH more accepting than many of us believe.

[susiej]

Jocelyn,

Great post! I agree that in general, we keep ourselves in the closet because of fear of rejection, in spite of the fact that many/most of our friends -- even some of our SO's -- would probably be accepting.

The problem is that *my particular case is different* (as stated by nearly everyone :( ). My SO would flip out. My dad would disown me. I work in a public-contact job, and I'd be fired. In short, many of us perceive, right or wrong, that we have more to lose than to gain by coming out and being what we'd like to be.

IMHO, the attitude of society does play an active part in our being trapped in the closet, because only the most nervy of us, who also happen to have the least amount to lose, can play the out-there, leadership role you advocate. The rest of us have no choice but to wait and be free-riders on your pioneering. My point is that this is the way it must be; this is how our success will ultimately be achieved.

Thus, while I fervently hope and believe that there will come a day when a girl like me could wear a dress to my bank management job, it's an evolutionary process, not revolutionary. Probably won't happen until after I retire, still wearing that blue suit and conservative maroon tie.

Success the gay community has had in getting general acceptance is often mentioned as an objective for us, and their incremental, slow-pressure process is often held up as an example of what we should be doing. So -- my leadership role will be -- maybe -- to casually mention to my wife that "Transamerica" is a movie I wouldn't mind seeing some weekend :).

Hugs,
Susie

[Julie]

One thing I do know for certain: if that little fact, that revelation that I was born somehow different, was enough for him to erase 38 years; I would first feel incredibly angry that I had wasted such a large portion of my life and then I would feel incredibly grateful that I found out the truth and never again had to associate with such a small-minded person.

So, if we are not going to accept poor behavior from a relative stranger, then we certainly are not going to accept it from someone we call a friend. And, if that's true, then why would you ever accept it from your family? You know, the ones that are supposed to love you unconditionally? If you could walk up to a complete stranger on the street and say, "Hi. I'm a crossdresser." and have them react with interest or in a positive manner, yet your own family ridicules you, what does that say about your relationship? Do you feel better knowing the only reason your siblings or parents don't disown you is because they don't know you crossdress?

Jocelyn,

I don't think the rejection many experience from loved ones comes simply from finding out we are TG. I think it comes from having mislead them all those years. If that friend of yours of 38 years was pretending to be this person you thought you knew so well then you find out he's been leading a secret life and has another wife and family and has been doing this for most of his adult life I'd imagine you would feel somewhat different about him. You'd feel deceived.

I think it's more an issue of deception than us being different. That person you mentioned you walked up to on the street and accepted you dressed knows the real you from the start. You aren't pretending to be anyone other than who you are. You are beginning a relationship based on trust and openness. That's what we all want.

What our loved ones don't realize is we have been trained from the earliest age to hide this part of ourselves. Then we reach that point in our life when we can no longer live the lie. We come out to family and friends and they feel we've been deceiving them. Sure, they will point out the crossdressing as to why they are having a tough time but I can bet if they were totally honest they would tell you what hurt most is you couldn't trust them for all those years. They just don't realize we were taught by our parents and siblings and other family and our peers we had better hide this part of ourselves or we will pay some serious consequences. By the time we reach that point where we are ready to face the consequences we've fooled a lot of the people in our lives we love the most. We didn't trust them, we didn't have enough faith in them to be honest.

If you listen to the wives of CDers who found out after they were married you will hear them talk about trust, or the lack of, as the primary issue with their husband's CDing. 'If you couldn't trust me enough to tell me before we were married what kind of a relationship do we have?' then after that it's something like, 'If he was able to keep this a secret from me so well what other secrets is he harboring?' Trust has been broken and that's hard to mend.

I told my wife before we were even engaged. But what I told her was I liked to dress in women's clothes. She saw that as meaning I liked to wear slips and soft silky things. She was cool with that because she knew those things felt good against the skin. She understood that. But as I've said before this thing grows and grows. Pretty soon she's seeing her husband fully dressed with makeup and wig. That's not the way it was explained to her. Soon, as this part of us gets bigger the question becomes, "How far will he take this? Does he want to be a woamn? Is he interested in men? I didn't sign on for this!" In a sense she was deceived. Not intentionally, but she still was lead to believe something different than what she is seeing. But if you met a woman fully dressed and told her this is an important part of your life and a relationship developed the trust thing would never become an issue and if you married it would probably last a lifetime.

Yes, there will always be those who are narrow minded and will never accept this part of us but I think for the most part it's the deception we've carried out that causes loved ones to leave. We were the ones who didn't trust them first.

[HaleyPink2000]

"" Marla ""

Dito!

Haley:)

Nufff said for me. LOL

[Julie]

I'm willing to bet that if we all came forth at once, with no exceptions, declaring our transgendered natures to all with one unified voice, we would likely cause a gender revolution, as a huge percentage of the population suddenly spoke in support of an idea whose time has finally come. Yet, if we each slowly creep from our closets one by one, voicing ourselves alone with no one behind us to give support before the masses, we would find more often than not, that each of our lives, with some exception, would be destroyed brick by brick, one of us at a time. It is no wonder that we keep to the closet.

Marla, you've probably spoken for 99% of CDers when it comes to why they don't come out. We have been taught from the cradle that coming out would be disasterous. Maybe it wouldn't for some but for the vast majority coming out alone, without a mass support system in place, would turn our lives upside down. I know. I am living it.

But I can't help but think there is still hope. Even though I am a member of several local groups, I haven't been the best at attending their functions. Mostly because they all seem to fall on weekdays and getting up for work the next day and hoping I have erased all signs of makeup are concerns of mine. Still, I should find some way to attend more than I have. What I do instead is go out on weekends to places where I usually am the only TG in the place. I accomplish very little in advancing our cause to erase the stigma society has placed on us.

Wednesday I went to a social and experienced something I hadn't previously. I know this was because I was in dire need of a friend who accepted me for who I am. I felt very unwanted before I went (the rejection of family and friends was really getting to me) and I knew I had to go. But what I saw for the first time was a support group second to none. I hadn't seen it before because I wasn't looking for it. I didn't need it before.

So after reading your comments I began thinking that these support groups are the perfect place to start 'changing the world'. They are a safe haven for the individual and even the most nervous or reluctant of us will quickly become comfortable once they allow themselves the privelige of attending. If everyone started here rather than hopping in their car and driving around in the cover of dark with their heart pounding out of their chest (only to end up back at home alone), soon we'd have a pretty good representation at these events. The next step is to get the groups together. Once that is accomplished we can move to local and then national awareness. If the groups are totally united we'd have strength in numbers. Maybe then we could actually begin to chip away at erasing the negative stigma we are up against today.

I know this is not a novel idea. I'll bet it's been said countless times but what hasn't happened is getting the majority of us to become involved with these groups. We, as individuals, are the only ones that can make that happen. Forums like this can be the springboards to make that possible. But it's totally up to each one of us individually. It has to start with the person in the mirror.