Would your life be much simpler IF...

[Wildaboutheels]

You could give "it" up?

I can rephrase to "Would you give up CDing if you could"?

I ask because there are usually at least a few ladies in most threads [probably most with SOs or maybe kids still in the nest?] who feel "bad" that they are CDers/don't really want to "suffer" with this CD "affliction".

I get the impression those ladies would like to make the CD "urge" just go away. IF they could.

I guess if there was a big enough market, big Pharma would already be peddling
such a pill claiming to "cure" people.

How many people here have ever wished for a "cure" at some point in your past or maybe still do?

Maybe you crossed that line in the sand of self acceptance long ago and have never looked back?

[RADER]

I worked for over 40 years, now that I am retired, Why would I quit now.
I have the time to dress, and enjoy dressing, even though I am closet bound.
No I do not want to quit just when I am starting to have fun.
My only concern is that I die before I do a last purge so the kids do not see anything
funny.
Rader

[RileyEvans]

I've wished for it to go away and many other things. It would make my life simpler but I would prolly not have the stress relief that dressing gives me. But now I'm starting to accept that this is a part of me and may never go away.

[AngieStone]

That is a good question. As you might of seen I am new here, well new in the sense that I have joined again. Guess that might answer part of your question would I give it up. Tried did not work, but I do like dressing so would I give it up all together if I could, maybe. I think it would make things easier on everyone. Thinking about the question I keep coming back to the realization that I just get so much enjoyment out of dressing I don't know If I would. Now does that sound like I am confused, sounds like it to me and I am the one writing it.

[SamGreen]

Hello,

I've seen threads like this before, and my answer still is HELL YEH. There are still too many stigma's attached to crossdressing and the impact to my life, even in the closet (locked in a box) this thing has caused me much grief. Now, it has also made me who I am today; I'd still give it up. I dread the day I post about being found out by neighbours or my employer.

Sam.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Simple answer to your question is 'yes' but the underlying issues are more complex. I accept and enjoy that I am transgendered, indeed a psychologist I saw this week confirmed that I am (as if I needed a confirmation). I went to the pyschologist who includes in her CV gender identity issues to see if there was a magic pill to help give 'it' up or some way of encouraging my wife to as least tolerate the femme side. Answer: no magic pill and no magic enlightenment for my wife in the short term given her baggage from her past.

On the latter, she said 'how many pschologists does it take to change a light globe'. 'One, but the light globe has to be willing.' My wife is unwilling to be changed.

Why try to find the pill if 'it' is part of me? Answer: I have lost one wife and could now loose a second because of 'it'. So my question in the absence of the magic pill is: where should my priorities lie, wife or dressing? I haven't found the answer but, in the meantime, will try to keep both.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi WAH, It would probably make my life a lot easier but being retired and coming up on 70 this year
it's something that gives me so much pleasure.

[JerseyGirlDonna]

I've tried giving it up several times, sometimes even years, but I did not like the person I became when NOT dressing. I became short tempered, stressed and depressed. Something was missing. CDing relieves almost everything and makes me a better person to live with, happy and complete. Would I give it up if I could? Maybe, but only I could find something to equally make me feel good. Very unlikely.

[Kate Simmons]

There is honestly no "cure" for this affliction Hon as it is based on very deep rooted feelings and emotions although many would deny that. You can learn to manage it, however, and make it a total choice of whether to do or not (at any particular time) rather than leave it as an overriding compulsion. It is a complex emotional process that will take on a mind of it's own if allowed to. Then it can become problematic to deal with when it comes to family matters. Holding the reins in one's hands makes the difference.:)

[DeeDeeB]

Not on a bet. It is the people who reject all others that don't fit into their ideal of conformity that need the pill. I am somewhere between male and female and proud of that. I am grateful when I can express my feminine side, and I'm pushing for more. Being transgendered is not something that needs to be cured. It is who we are, both genetically and hormonally. So embrace who you (both) are, and try not to let the insensitive among us to bring you down.

Dee :fairy1:

[Cynthia Anne]

I can say yes it would! But I can't give up so why fight it!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Life would be very simple and I'd probably be a millionare by now if I were not a cross dresser. However that battle was fought, and lost years ago, and I'm no longer ever going even contemplate trying to go the all 100% male route ever again. Now to the second question, would I give it up if could? Never, life would be just so boring and drab. It would be like I was partially lobotomized, girl half is permanently here to stay.

[Marissa]

Part of me will foolishly say YES, I'd take the pill :( Partly due to the idea of doing the whole search thing to find an SO that may accept, or that I'm bi and might want to enjoy both sides of the fence :) but still want a special woman in my life (that is confusing in itself..lol). Maybe it would not be as big an issue if the stigmata of it all wasn't there. Yes, I see how some are just out and about, but in some cases that is a person who is wanting to live 24/7. For those of us who do this as a stress reliever (that includes going out and being YOU, a person that is more open.. ) or sexual/fetish fullfillment, part of the stress is the non-acceptance or fear. Yes, I said fear..don't spank my behind and preach about fear is in your head, etc :)

I have not dressed in a while but have those moments that I just want to dress, but next second will say no.. I won't clean out my closet as it is rather nice to have that reminder that its available when I want to.

Only reason for even thinking of taking a 'pill' is that I remember how my life was not so complicated.. when it was being single and on the hunt for that special woman..uhh for the night ;) and then end up with one that stays around longer. So kudos to those SOs that are willing to accept or endure us :)

[docrobbysherry]

No, Wild! My life would be a lot simpler if I gave up everything else!

If u saw my cars, house, and office u may think I already have!

[AllieSF]

Interesting question for me since I am only 5 years old doing this in my retirement years. My situation is so much different than a lot of others here who have dealt with the goods and bads of this lifestyle all their lives. I got in without all that baggage. What I would really want, that magic pill, is to have the side effects of my prostate removal for cancer erased. I think that the thing that caused this new life for me is because of that, like the final straw that broke the camel's back. I think that I might just be doing other more productive things in my life besides spending way too much time on this site and money on a second set of clothes and accessories. I think that if I did not find this lifestyle I would be just fine. However, since I am not an ambitious activity creator in my free time, this new me is really busy doing a lot of things that I might never had done, at least not dressed as a woman.

That being said, I know and read here a lot about people whose lives are being destroyed, or severely damaged by this past time of ours. They are driven to do it and do not like the side effects on their lives and personalities, which include deceit, hiding, fear of discovery, only partially exploring this side of themselves do to fear, and numerous other negative things. I try to empathize with them, but it is hard for me because I have had mostly positive experiences with everything so far.

[WifeofWrenchette]

My husband said "probably".

However, I know it's not something he could ever give up.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Absolutely life would be easier. I don't think I'd take a pill though, not really into meds to control things, plus thinking of the side effects reminds me of what happens to people in cartoons when they take side effects.

[Jane G]

Life would be very simple and I'd probably be a millionare by now if I were not a cross dresser. However that battle was fought, and lost years ago, and I'm no longer ever going even contemplate trying to go the all 100% male route ever again. Now to the second question, would I give it up if could? Never, life would be just so boring and drab. It would be like I was partially lobotomized, girl half is permanently here to stay.

Jocelyn you could have typed this for me.:heehee:

[Antoinette]

I wouldn't give it up for anything. There's no real reason to give up CDin. Life would only be simpler if I won the lotto or something.

[Cheryl T]

How could I give up something that I've come to accept as a huge part of myself. After decades of fear, shame and hiding I'm finally comfortable with who I am and now I should think about giving it up????????

[Donniesr]

He** no. I've only begun to have fun!!! I just came out to my family about 2 weeks ago, the reaction was fairly positive, ( my daughter has a hard time with my dangly earrings), and I went to the bank the other day to deposit some money, wearing a short short miniskirt,(and all the trimmins...) the teller complimented me on my nail polish, one other person said that I was the ugliest b***ch he ever saw..I laughed at him..
I walked around the block where I live yesterday.. and I'm going shopping today...a pill to end all this fun???

[STACY B]

PILL ?? I thought thats what BOOZE was for ,,,Hell I took that pill its worse than this thats for sure ,,No way Im happy as a clam ,,, The best is yet to come ,,,lol,,,,

[Laura912]

All medications have side effects of varying severity. So if the side effect of this pill is losing some of those things attributed to the femme side...sensitivity, empathy, listening skills...then no pill. If the side effects do not interfer with with those traits, but remove all the guilt, fear, purges, lost energy from wanting to but avoiding dressing...then gimme. But then with an accepting SO, maybe I need to start enjoying the slightly larger closet.

[melissakozak]

No. I did stop dressing for over ten years. I was miserable. Whatever motivates us goes way beyond clothing, etc. It is a deep rooted need that must be respected and expressed. None of us would have any problems with crossdressing if we were in a more accepting culture of gender variant individuals. Do any of you believe the American Indians had problems with trans people? They, in fact, were respected and treated as special. So, when someone thinks I have a problem, I gently remind them they have issues, not me.

[Shulove]

I've wished for it to go away and many other things. It would make my life simpler but I would prolly not have the stress relief that dressing gives me. But now I'm starting to accept that this is a part of me and may never go away.

Well said! It's the best way for me to relieve stress as well.... Well, a bottle of wine helps also ;)

Hillary

[Lainie]

I "gave it up" recently--again--feeling no need to shop en femme, & shave my legs. I had thrown out most of my old male underwear & contentedly wore only panties, all the time, even to the gym. (No floral patterns or pretty colors in the locker room.) Just normal underwear, tucked not taped all the time, always sitting to pee. Half the population does this always, without a thought, me too. Barely a thought, just everyday normal. No posting here or using my girl name email.

... and more recently the opportunity, & the pink fog, came back, & here I am. Life is definitely simpler & easier without a monkey in your back. We're lucky that ours is a cute one.

[PretzelGirl]

First off, I view all that is part of our lives as something that builds our complete personality and the remainder of our lives. For instance, I could say I wish I had never married my first wife, but without that first marriage, I wouldn't have two of my children and four grandchildren. All things are building blocks to the remainder of our life.

But more directly, no thanks to the pill. I enjoy being who I am. I have had many great times. I have made great friends all because of what I do. Why would I want to give all that up and change who I am? I am special and accepting that goes a long way to being happy in life.

[Wildaboutheels]

Ok, so it looks like very few so far, find that CDing overcomplicates their life. Or excessively compromises their Relationships with their spouse or kids. Or maybe live alone.

[Laura912]

Perhaps I was not real clear. It does and has made my life complicated. No one else except wife knows so impact on others cannot be judged.

[Foxglove]

Nope, wouldn't change. This question or a similar one comes up fairly regularly, and every time it does I still haven't changed my mind. After being in denial for so many years, I finally decided to accept myself. I wish I'd done it many years ago. These days I like what I see when I look in the mirror. I like the way I feel. I can be happy about myself for the first time in my life. Why would I change? There's nothing wrong with me.

Annabelle

[weekend woman]

Sometimes the wanting is far better than the having. If one was able to give up crossdressing they would need something to fill the void that was created. It could be anything from collecting Chia pets to being a serial killer. So on the whole crossdressing isn't so bad. There are worse things.

[Rebecca Star]

There is honestly no "cure" for this affliction Hon as it is based on very deep rooted feelings and emotions although many would deny that. You can learn to manage it, however, and make it a total choice of whether to do or not (at any particular time) rather than leave it as an overriding compulsion. It is a complex emotional process that will take on a mind of it's own if allowed to. Then it can become problematic to deal with when it comes to family matters. Holding the reins in one's hands makes the difference.:)

You know Kate, that pretty much nails it, Kudos :)

I think the real issue comes back down the stigma associated with what we do. I'm sure if CDing was accepted, these issues either wouldn't be a problem or at least not envisaged as a floor in our male make-up to begin with.

TBH, it would be great if the Joe and Jill in the street understood me, but I'm happy to just settle for acceptance.

[paulinescotlandcd]

I've tried giving it up several times, sometimes even years, but I did not like the person I became when NOT dressing. I became short tempered, stressed and depressed. Something was missing. CDing relieves almost everything and makes me a better person to live with, happy and complete. Would I give it up if I could? Maybe, but only I could find something to equally make me feel good. Very unlikely.

I could not put it better myself, that about sums up my views.

[Sarah Doepner]

I wouldn't try to change who I am, and I am a crossdresser. If I woke up one morning and no longer had that as part of my personality and most of my memories about the enjoyment I've had disappeared as well, then my life would be different, but I don't know if it would be any simpler or easier. I'd probably get about the same done around the house and yard and have some other thing that took up my spare time and money. Maybe I'd be running a major Ponzi scheme or manufacturing illegal drugs or plotting to overthrow the duly elected government or inventing toys that would be unsafe for children. It sounds like I should keep my side of the closet full of girl things and keep the world a safer place.

[danielletorresani]

Yes, my life would be simpler, and yes I would give it up if I could.

I've already somewhat started to, as a matter of fact. The last year or so, my interest in actively dressing has been fading more and more, though I still enjoy looking at pics I took of myself dressed up.

[kristinacd55]

Perhaps, but the reality is I want to do it and thus will continue on and on and on and on and on..........

[Kerigirl2009]

I have finally accepted the fact that I am most definately a crossdresser, but maybe more then that. I have no idea where I will end up and I don't think anyone really does. We have are thoughts but things change, sometimes good and sometimes bad.
Now for the question- If I could stop would I ? My answer is I know I can stop dressing, but what I cannot stop is the feelings that go with it. By denying myself any dressing, I will definately lose my mind and that will change me into a different person.
I essentially do like who I am most of the time, but I find I really like who I am because of the feelings that I have, and I enjoy myself more when I can just relax and be myself. So NO I will not stop. Unless they can find a way to take away my memories of how it makes me feel.

[sissystephanie]

I did give crossdressing up completely for 5 years early in my marriage! My dear late wife knew and approved of my CD activities, but I thought it would be better for my family if I stopped. After 5 years my wife told me that she missed Stephanie in our household and asked me to start dressing again. I did and still do!

For those who say that you can't stop, you are completely wrong!! Unless you are being forced to crossdress by someone else, you can stop! It just takes willpower! That is your own will power!! Your mind controls your body! So if you really don't want to put on feminine clothes, then don't do it!! It is that simple!!

[AnitaH]

For decades I would have said yes in a moment, take a pill and be cured of this. Tried to stop many times in those years, actually did so for a couple of years several times. Fought it tooth and nail. Didn't like the person I became and had it gone on much longer no-one else would have liked me. It's only been a year since I accepted who I am but its like a new lease on life, a new enjoyment to life. Yes life would be simpler without it but certainly more dull. Would I give it up, would I take a pill? Now for the first time in my life I would say NO WAY. I wish I would have accepted myself years ago.

AnitaH

[Sandy Banks]

Too late, ran away from home six years ago and my wife still considers me a "pervert"(extremely closed minded)!

[TeriAnn]

Would I give it up if there was a way to get rid of it for good? Hmmm let's see.. nope not a chance I have been a cross dresser (since a very young age even thought I didn't know what it was at the time). I enjoy the feelings when I am dressed as a woman. I love the fact that when I am dressed my tension and stress just fade away. It is a natural high. No need for drugs to stop it.

[Lorileah]

well if it was illegal, immoral, unethical, dangerous, hurt others then yes I would. But seeing it isn't really anyone else's business...nope

[Marleena]

For decades I would have said yes in a moment, take a pill and be cured of this. Tried to stop many times in those years, actually did so for a couple of years several times. Fought it tooth and nail. Didn't like the person I became and had it gone on much longer no-one else would have liked me. It's only been a year since I accepted who I am but its like a new lease on life, a new enjoyment to life. Yes life would be simpler without it but certainly more dull. Would I give it up, would I take a pill? Now for the first time in my life I would say NO WAY. I wish I would have accepted myself years ago.

AnitaH

Anita said it all for me like my own story.:)


That said none of us know any other life.

[sometimes_miss]

You could give "it" up? I can rephrase to "Would you give up CDing if you could"?
Absolutely. I'd give it up in a second. It makes me a pariah to over 99% of women, and at this rate, I'm going to have to live the rest of my life alone, and if I remain healthy, that's going to be another 40 years. I don't deserve this, I didn't ask for it. It cost me my marriage, and all my assets up to that point. My family doesn't like me because of it either. My only option at this point is to lie to women (or at least not tell them openly until we're already dating for a while), and hope I come across one that's into crossdressing by random chance; and if she's not, well, we're both screwed. I've already seen how disappointed my ex wife was when she found out; and from reading so many threads about it, I know how most women will be upset when they find out. I really don't like disappointing people; so much of my life has been being one disappointment after another. My parents expected great things of me, so did my other relatives. Then I disappointed all my teachers; after all, my older sister was a friggin' genius, so I should have been too, right? Dad was an all star basketball player, but me? Bench warmer. And then of course, all the girlfriends, and my ex wife. I never lived up to who they wanted me to be. And you know what, because of how they all acted towards me, well, they disappointed me, too. Being molested, all the psychological damage, becoming a transgendered person, no, I didn't want any of this. I want a friggin' do-over in life. Rant over.

[Voulez-Vous]

one other person said that I was the ugliest b***ch he ever saw..I laughed at him..

Well, if you can do this, you will go far with your cd-ing. Now what if the same guy would have really intimidated you?

[cathie pantyhose]

I wont give it up. I'm VERY happy and relaxed when dressed...simply enough. I wont turn down a drink either so if that's my excuse so be it

[Karren H]

Hell yeah... if I could... I'd quit in a heartbeat.....

[Tina B.]

Sure I would give it up, if there was no lingering desire that drove me to be like I was back when I used to fight to keep from giving in to the need to dress. It's something that I fought with most of my life, then I found a great women, that said stop fighting it, and be who you are. Since then it's been fun, and free of stress, but I would still give it up, if.
But then I know for me there is no if, while it does complicate life, not dressing is so stressful it messes up my life, so I'll be satisfied to just leave well enough alone.
Tina B.

[Rebecca Star]

No, I kinda like what I do, besides I've grown attached to Rebecca over the years :)

[StephanieJ]

For those who say that you can't stop, you are completely wrong!! Unless you are being forced to crossdress by someone else, you can stop! It just takes willpower! That is your own will power!! Your mind controls your body! So if you really don't want to put on feminine clothes, then don't do it!! It is that simple!!

Thank you sissystephanie you are absolutely correct. I've stopped for years at a time in order to satisfy a disproving spouse. Trouble is that I could never get rid of the desire, and to my wife, knowing that I have the desire to cross dress is just as difficult for her as having me actually do it.

A therapist I recently saw taught that, "The opposite of addiction isn't abstinence, it's connection." I've been struggling a lot lately with that concept and the idea of cross dressing being an addiction. Personally I do not believe that it is! I believe that originates with a genetic predisposition that gestates in an environment that stimulates the behavior. In other words, I think it's equal parts nature and nurture. I also suspect that having someone in your life who totally accepts you for who you are makes it easier NOT to act on an unwanted desire to cross dress.

The reason for the distinction is that if you love someone deeply enough then you would likely do just about anything in your power for that person. Problem is that an addiction can be changed, while a genetic condition cannot. For example, if I was an alcoholic and my wife asked me to give up drinking, then I could choose to do it or not. However if I was dying of cancer and she told me to give up cancer, I could do everything in my power to comply, but in the end it isn't really up to me.

I probably sound like I'm splitting hairs or that I know all the answers, but seriously... What was the question again?? Oh yes, I would not give up cross dressing if I could because I would be cutting out a very critical part of who I am. Like the title of a great sermon I heard a couple months ago, "Give Me This Mountain."

As Michelle (Oz) so beautifully pointed out, If there is no magic pill and no way to change an disproving spouse. So where should our priorities lie, wife or dressing? My heart goes out to you Michelle (Oz). I haven't found the answer either, but I'm leaning toward keeping the wife.

[StephanieJ]

I should keep my side of the closet full of girl things and keep the world a safer place.

Thank you for doing your part Sarah Charles. I'm also in Utah so I can definitely appreciate what you are saying.

[Contessa]

I could never give up on this crossdressing stuff. Cause before I realized that it was the missing part of my life, I was ever sooo depressed. I can't go back to that. This is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Plus I haven't looked the best that I can yet. And no one knows what the pill will do. And who will do the research cause it might hurt, this cure, thing.

I am not new to crossdressing, just new to doing it fully. If you and your S O are inly ones that know it will be easy. I have told a lot people that I know and no matter how they feel I would never stop. What ever they feel is not about me. Don't worry about me I don't fear anyone knowing my fear is getting everything I still need by Christmas.


Tess

[Michelle (Oz)]

I haven't found the answer either, but I'm leaning toward keeping the wife. My wife is an absolute keeper with just the one 'little' problem of abhorence to me dressing. The psychologist explained the reasons from her past but I still don't understand why someone that loves me so much isn't prepared to at least try to understand.

This thread (and forum) have been helpful in giving me a better understanding. I still wrestle with the notion that I have an addiction which, if only I was stronger, I could beat. I am increasingly accepting of the 'not my fault' view ... may be its what I want to believe but the bottom line is that it is easier to accept myself.

Oh and the pyschologist says that the need/desire to dress is only going to become stronger with age (I'm 61). Seems the pill when found will need to be stronger too.

[StephanieJ]

That's funny, and beautifully said. If you are 61 and have made it this far in life then you are one of the strongest people I know and it's an honor to make your acquaintance!!! Think of all the good things you've accomplished in your life and through it all you've managed to quiet the voices that are always there inside your head. You're already strong and getting stronger every day. That's why I'm so opposed to the whole concept of treating cross dressing as an addiction. You are not a cross dresser because you failed some test or committed some sin in a previous life. Who you are right now is enough and as long as you keep pressing forward and don't give up then it is enough.

I love a quote I heard recently from a man whom I revere as a spiritual leader. "God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It's okay that you're not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Ambergold43]

Wow, great question. I personally wouldn't want it to go away... that being said, however, I would probably have A LOT more money if I didn't blow it all on all the make-up, clothing, and shoes! Not having to worry about friends, family, and co-workers finding out would be nice too... but the fun I get from it seems to outweigh the risks, not to mention my girlfriend already knows and is cool with it...

Give and take, I suppose!

c'est la vie!

[Michelle (Oz)]

That's funny, and beautifully said. If you are 61 and have made it this far in life then you are one of the strongest people I know You are too kind Stephanie. The truth is that while I had bouts of underdressing from a very early age, the real deal didn't hit until I was in my mid 50's. I suspect it was the internet that helped me understand what I am. Then the pink fog really descended.

So, maybe the internet made me do it?