Wife told....her mother???

[Jessica86]

Well, I'm sitting here, and can't sleep. I'm up, thinking about something that occurred a few days ago. My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue. She told my wife she wished she could find someone like me, who had no problems, and a good head on their shoulder. Some how....this conversation turned to my wife informing my mother in law I am a crossdresser. I've had positive reactions from other family members, but I didn't want to put HER side of the family through this.

My wife told me the craziest thing. I was actually sweating after she told me what she did. My wife said my mother in law described it as "interesting and not something to think of as a problem." She said she doesn't view me any different and wants to SEE ME DRESSED! :eek: OH MY GOD! I don't even know. This is someone I promised to protect their daughter, keep her, and be the man she needs me to be. Doing something like that, just....eeks me. It doesn't sit right.

My wife goes on to say "You don't have to, but she really wants to see. I told her I would show her a picture or something, but we were invited to come over tonight." So, with all of these things in my head, I told her I didn't feel right going. I felt like her parents would feel weird. PLUS, I would have to answer all of those magic questions again. :doh: So, we didn't go, and my wife told me she told her to show me that there is nothing to be afraid of. She said I need to be more open with people about it. I agree to some degree, but I don't know where I'm sitting on this issue. Really just thinking at the moment.

[Shelly Preston]

I would go with the idea of a picture first. Its good that she is understanding enough to want to see you dressed.
Think of it as a good opportunity to explain what you can even if you dont know all the answers. In the future you may find you dont have to rush off and change if she decides to visit. Whatever you decide you can take this at your own speed and discuss it with your wife before taking any action.

[max]

People are quite adamant about how you need to respect your wife's boundaries on CDing. I'd say here she should be respecting how fast you want to take it! If you don't feel comfortable doing something you don't have to do it!

[Beverley Sims]

Only dress for her when you are ready.
Show the photo first, and if prompted for more and all seems cool, go for it.

[Sandra]

I agree with what the others have said show a photo first, and then show her your true self when you are ready to do so and not before.

[Kylie4]

I agree with the others about showing the picture first. Depending on what type of reaction you get from the picture you may want to let her see you dressed at some point. Halloween would be a good time. Maybe at a costume party where it wont be as personal. I wish you luck. It sounds like you have a great mother in law and you have a chance to build on your relationship with her. She could be very helpful to you. I have a great relationship with my mother in law but I told my wife she is to NEVER tell her about me dressing. I wish she would though if I knew I would get the same reaction your mother in law gave.

[STACY B]

Hell you look great ,,,, If ya want to do ,,,Go ahead if not jus dolike the others said here look this what I look like ,,,lol,,, Pretty ,,,HUH,,,,, An thats the way I roll ,,,, This is a hell of alot better than alot of hobbys ,,,,, You can still be her husband an protect her the same . Just do it in better prettier outfits .

[Cheryl T]

Photo first with discussion if she has questions. Then if you feel at ease with how things went I would dress for her.

[RADER]

Yep!!! A photo first; Then maybe some day, at your choosing, show her the real you.
You know the questions will come, but you have been there before.
Rader

[Leah Lynn]

Or make it an event; three ladies and a whole day of shopping together!

[BRANDYJ]

Jessica, I understand how you feel about being your wife's man;Very admirable and the way it should be. But what does the fact that you crossdress have to do with being her man and protector? You can be a man that protects and keeps his wife and still be a CD. It sounds like you have not fully accepted yourself yet and feel there is something wrong or perverted being a CD. Just being a CD does not make you sick or perverted. You are the man your mother in law likes and respects you since she'd like to find someone like you.

Her statement ,"interesting and not something to think of as a problem, and that she said she doesn't view you any different and wants to SEE ME DRESSED! . If that is not someone that is accepting, understanding and non-judgmental, I don't know what is. She asked to see you dressed. it's not like you or your wife pushed her by asking if she wanted to see you dressed.

Now tha she knows and accepts, I would think the subject will come up again...by her. If you reject her wanting to see you, in effect you are sending a message that perhaps you think there is something wrong or perverted about dressing. I don't see the need of showing her a picture instead of perhaps planning an evening that she can come over and enjoy an evening with you and her daughter. Perhaps some wine, fix them a nice dinner or hors d'oeuvres. Let her ask questions if she wants. Answer them honestly just as you would answer for anyone. My guess is it would be a warm, friendly and monumental evening to bring you and your mother in-law even closer with more trust between you. I wish I had this opportunity when I was your age.
The cat's out of the bag now, it's not gonna go away.

[kimdl93]

I agre that it should be something you are more open about with those closest to you. That doesn't mean total immersion on the ,first day, however. Maybe some day you, your wife and mother in law can meet for coffee.

[DonnaT]

It's really your choice who you let see you, but what are you really afraid of?

You've had positive reactions from other family members, meaning you've told others. Now your MIL knows and has seeming reacted positively.

And I'd really like to know what you meant by "put HER side of the family through this."

Through what?

It's only your MIL, not your wife's whole family. And if your MIL is going to tell others, dressing or not, isn't going to change that.

I've given my wife permission to tell whomever she feels like like it. That way I've no worries if I'm dressed and someone who knows decides to visit. I can remain dressed and not have to rush off and change.

[reb.femme]

Well, I'm sitting here, and can't sleep. I'm up, thinking about something that occurred a few days ago. My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue. She told my wife she wished she could find someone like me, who had no problems, and a good head on their shoulder. Some how....this conversation turned to my wife informing my mother in law I am a crossdresser. I've had positive reactions from other family members, but I didn't want to put HER side of the family through this.

I can only imagine what you are going through, my gut turns over thinking of me in the same situation. Easy for me to say, but the absolute positive that the mother-in-law wants to see a picture and/or you in the flesh is pretty immense. Having seen your pics in the gallery, you present really well, so you can at least flaunt what you have. :battingeyelashes:

I know my wife has thought of telling her sister. I think she needs to discuss my CDing with someone she trusts without hesitation. Only problem, is how she takes it and then it's out in the wild as far as family is concerned. No-one in my family knows and not so sure I can handle that. Good luck however you decide.

Rebecca x

[Tracii G]

Pics I would do first and only to your MIL not the FIL.

[TxKimberly]

I would say that you are very blessed to be surrounded by understanding people and family!

[Kelly Smith]

For some reason I would be thrilled to get dolled up for for a mother in law like yours.

[Britney Johnson]

Jess...Now that she knows, I am sure she will begin asking questions. It is just a matter of time. Hopefully, she will be understanding and assist with making you feel more comfy around her and slowly get you to come out of your shell. I have been in this situation with friends, and I just showed pics at first, because there was some sort of safety I found in it. I have also dressed for others when they asked, which made me nervous in the beginning, but once out..., they made me feel so welcome and treated me like any other girl. I love being me, and I am still working on getting out as me more often as well. It isn't so easy. Please, let us know how things turn out. I think you will be pleasantly surprised of how accepting she is of you. Good luck on your decision and becoming comfortable with who you truly are... Hugz n Love

[Stephanie47]

Take it on your own time table. I have always viewed my cross dressing as my private affair. You look great in your avatar picture. You and your wife may want to play a little game with your mother-in-law. I'd say look you very passable. There is no reason your wife and mother-in-law cannot go shopping or catch lunch at an outdoor case, where you can 'pass bye' them as they sit and eat or shop. If she does not recognize you, then the next time the subject comes up you can tell her that she has already seen you. Then your wife can show her a picture from a camera phone. Maybe having your wife show her a picture of you will be less stressful than you doing it yourself. Good luck. I wish I was in your dress, err shoes, for a day.

[Badtranny]

Jessica, stop acting like this is some horrible secret. It shouldn't be a secret at all, secrets are for child molesters and cheaters. So you get a little freaky, every one has something in the closet and most people are only smug about it cuz they know you can't see inside their hearts. Show her the pic, "I know it's a little crazy but it's something I really enjoy doing". Every single person has some kind of kink or freaky thing that they are ashamed of you're lucky because you have no reason to be ashamed of yours. Dressing up is fun, end of story.

Weren't you just talking about being a model in another thread? What do you want a double life? Just own who you are and don't be all creepy and secretive and ashamed about it. You're not a little boy who got caught in his mom's closet. You're a grown ass man who likes to have a good time. No harm, no foul right?

[Jorja]

Jessica, stop acting like this is some horrible secret. It shouldn't be a secret at all, secrets are for child molesters and cheaters. So you get a little freaky, every one has something in the closet and most people are only smug about it cuz they know you can't see inside their hearts. Show her the pic, "I know it's a little crazy but it's something I really enjoy doing". Every single person has some kind of kink or freaky thing that they are ashamed of you're lucky because you have no reason to be ashamed of yours. Dressing up is fun, end of story.

Weren't you just talking about being a model in another thread? What do you want a double life? Just own who you are and don't be all creepy and secretive and ashamed about it. You're not a little boy who got caught in his mom's closet. You're a grown ass man who likes to have a good time. No harm, no foul right?

While I may not have said it quite the same way, this is good Melissa.

[Rachel Morley]

My wife said my mother in law described it as "interesting and not something to think of as a problem." She said she doesn't view me any different and wants to SEE ME DRESSED!


She said I need to be more open with people about it.

I'm sitting here smiling because your situation reminds me so much of what happened to me when my wife told her sister. I didn't know she was going to tell her either as my wife said it somehow it "just came out" when they were having one of their sisterly chats. Anyway, apparently my wife's sister got all excited and wanted to see me dressed as soon as possible and even suggested that we all go out together. Gulp! :eek: ... this was 4 years ago and at time I very nervous about other people (who are part of the family) seeing me dressed. My wife also said that it was no big deal and that I needed to be more open with people about it.

It turned out that it wasn't that bad. I was thinking I was going to be some sort of curiosity side show for my wife's sister when in fact she wanted to help me and even offered me some of her old clothes. My point is, that you might find that your mother in law could be another great asset to you as well as your wife.

[Marleena]

Jessica, I'm in the show pictures first camp. Then get prettied up to see her. This would be a dream come true for many of the girls here.

[kathly]

In my opinion I would say do not even show the pictures it sounds like you do not like the Idea. so with respect you should tell her that you do not feel comfortable.
Sometimes there are things that need to be kept between you and your wife and these sounds like it should be kept between both of you.
do not feel obligated to do something you do not like.
well good luck.

[Foxglove]

I can understand your being a bit uncomfortable with the idea of her seeing you dressed. I came out to my son a month ago or so, and since then he hasn't asked to see me dressed. I think he might be uncomfortable with the idea, and I know I would be, too, at first. It would take some getting used to the idea, but I could do it and I'd be happy to do it, if he could accept the idea.

I don't think this necessarily has anything to do with feelings of shame about being trans. My son and I have known each other for 26 years. We've always had a certain sort of relationship, and if he sees me dressed, it will suddenly become a different sort of relationship. When relationships change, for whatever reason, there can be some discomfort there until everybody involved gets used to the idea.

Letting someone see you dressed for the first time is a big deal, even if they're willing and eager to see you dressed. I say do what you're comfortable with.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[franlee]

The advice already given pretty well covers most all the angles. The one thing in common is do what ever you decide to within your own time and comfort limits. It is already a non issue on her finding out and telling someone else, she can do that regardless. The door is open and now it's just how wide? I personaly would make a effort to follow through ASAP befor there could be any bad influences from outside sources, in other words "get it while the gettings good" (acceptance). Besides the fact that everyday you procrastionate is a day lost to enjoying being who ever you want to be and sharing. Time and life are always to short. Don't look back wishing you had, look back remembering the experiance, good or bad it's better than not knowing in most cases.

Fran

[Eryn]

I think that your MIL's reaction is great, but I think that you need to have a private discussion, in drab, with her. Explain to her how you appreciate her acceptance and how you honestly feel about dressing in front of her. A picture might be nice, but make sure it is tasteful and conservative.

I'm somewhat opposed to the Halloween party idea. While Halloween may be a fun thing for many of us, our normal CDing is not a costume party and it would not be good for your MIL to view you as simply getting dressed up in costume as a woman.

[Marleena]

The way I see it the cat's out of the bag now anyways. An understanding mother is great, but an understanding MIL is huge! Hiding from her now will make her think you are embarrassed by who you are as was mentioned already.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jessica, Now you've got a lot of great advise so do let us know how it goes.

[Chickhe]

...you know what my answer is...keep it fun for them. Let them see you on halloween or something...

[DonniDarkness]

Talk it out. Be yourself, answer questions honestly and youll do fine. They know now, Thats the hard part. the rest is just owning who you are.

Good luck,
-Donni-

PS CHickhe has great advice above ^^

[TeriAnn]

If her Mom is cool with it show her a picture first and if she is good with that then show her the full girly you. You might be surprised. Never know what kind of Christmas presents might be under your tree this year.

[WifeofWrenchette]

My husband's mother had the exact same reaction. We thought she would be judgmental or horrified, but she wasn't. She said the same thing. She wanted pictures and we sent pictures. She loved them and even told some of her friends and shares pictures with them. She isn't ashamed at all.

It's great that she is accepting!

Show her pictures first then wait a while to show her yourself en femme when you are ready.

[linda allen]

Jessica, only you know your mother in law, the rest of us don't. My MIL (RIP) and FIL were and are pretty "old school" and I never in a million years would have let them know I was a crossdresser, much less shown them a photo or visited dressed.

Your MIL may be verry different and very open you your dressing. She may even help with suggestions.

It's a decision for you and your wife to make.

[Amanda22]

Jessica, I would be planning my "coming out" outfit before my wife finished telling me that news. That's so exciting and I see it as an opportunity. If you go for it, please let us know how it goes. I would not hesitate...

[Jenny Doolittle]

First, I appaud your wife for being so open minded and forward thinking. I agree with the advice give about going at your own speed and most important for you is to feel comfortable.

I liked the idea of a Haloween party, or my suggestion is, if you would like to proceed sooner, do so at your own home, affording you the oppertunity to change back into more comfortable clothing. A person alwasy feels more comfortable at home.

I wish you the best luck in allowing others to get the know the person you really are inside.

[Jo-Ellen]

I think it's too bad your wife outted you. That wasn't a very nice thing to do. If your wife has accepted your CD side that is admirable and to her credit but secrets between spouses should be just that... But on the brighter side...maybe you won't be getting those screwdriver and wrench sets on your birthday and Christmas anymore...

[Jessica86]

Thanks everyone for your replies! I have been so busy with work, I haven't had a chance to check up on this. My mother in law hasn't mentioned anything to me about it. I'm guessing because my wife told her not to. I have that stereotype in my head of having to be the macho guy to the wife's family. I think her step dad will freak out. He's a down home red neck that is so stubborn. Thanks BT for your advice. I really am acting that way. I am okay that it happened now, but was upset my wife said something behind my back. So, this weekend, we are going to her mother's home. My wife has already told me "My mom says you and her have the same dress size!" Ohhh jeeze. I guess....make the best of it. Really, it's about her step dad. I just know all the "fag" and "gay" comments are coming.

[Mollyanne]

I think your wife "went over the line" here!!!! Informing or telling people of your alter ego MUST come from you and no one else!!!!! But now that's it out of the bag so to speak, a picture first is the most logical step. See as to where it goes from there but be careful!!!!!!

Molly

[Marlana]

I would be upset with my wife as well. If my MIL wanted to see me dressed, I would start with a picture, so if she decided to criticize anything it's just a pic and you can stick it in your pocket and be done with it. Just do it on your own schedule and don't let em push you into it.

[BRANDYJ]

I'm in a different camp about your wife telling her mother. She knows her mother and trusts her reaction or she would have never told her. My SO is free to tell whoever she wants. I trust her judgement 100%. Of course she is a very private person as I am. So she would have a very good reason to tell anyone to begin with. She has only told her very close friends that she trusts. I would hope you can also trust your wife's judgement on who to tell. I also believe your wife trusts that her mother can and will keep this secret. I don't see her telling her husband since you wrote: "My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue". So I don't see a worry there.

Your MIL asked to see you dressed. OK, I get it that you are not ready or comfortable with that. So leave the subject alone and it may pass and you will not be asked again. However if your MIL and or wife bring it up, express how you feel about it. Then and only then, if she then asks to see a picture, and you are comfortable with it, show her one. Maybe your wife has already shown her one by now.

I would not be mad or upset with your wife for telling. She is as involved with your crossdressing as you are. But calmly ask her not to tell anyone else for any reason without first checking with you. But let her have her mother as a knowing confidant. Trust her judgment.

Like others, I would have loved to have a MIL that knew and accepted like your's does. Says a lot about how much she thinks of you.

[Badtranny]

I just know all the "fag" and "gay" comments are coming.

Maybe, but you can handle it, just change your perspective. If you were into yoga, or some kind of dance, or gymnastics, they would call you a fag for that too, so how would you handle that? Crossdressing throws you off balance because you're ashamed of it. Don't be. Make jokes about it, don't let "them" define who you are, especially to yourself. If you are a straight macho dude, then be who you are. If they kid you about having shaved legs, then kid them about having f'd up teeth, If they kid you about wearing panties or whatever, then just grin and say "the wife and I have a good time with it". If you like hanging out with the ladies instead of the gentlemen, then just admit it. "what can I say Bob? I can only stand talking about football and your truck for so long before I need a little more interesting conversation"

The main thing is attitude. Don't be a jerk about it, but don't be ashamed of who you are either. Do NOT put on an even more extreme macho act. If you're really a sensitive and compassionate guy, then let people see that. Even the most hardcore alpha dude will come to respect you for being brave enough to be honest with everyone. Enjoy your life, it's the only one you have.

[Foxglove]

Excellent reply, Melissa.

It's funny. If someone were to call me "gay", that wouldn't bother me in the least. I'd just tell them, "Nope, I'm not gay". As for "fag", I think I might say something along the lines of "Fag? Depends on what you mean by it. I'm trans. So if it's important to you to insult me, call me a 'tranny', not a 'fag'. At least get it right."

Annabelle

[BRANDYJ]

I really like your post Mellssa. Makes a lot of sense. I still think the step-father inlaw is a non-issue since the MIL is planning on divorcing him. So I don't think she would tell him. If it was a good marriage, maybe she would.

[Amanda22]

I think your mother in law can handle your step father in law, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. Choose him as the first person you're going to deal with as "I don't care if you like how I dress or not." I don't think it's realistic to think everyone you have contact with en femme will approve. So just do what you want and they can deal with it.

[larry]

To have a Wife (and) a Mother in law both know and support your crossdressing has to be a paradise.
I do not see the problem here. Just tell them both you do not want to have the (soon to be ex) father in law
find out so lets all be cool till he is gone.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Having read all of the quotes above, Why not have your MIL come to YOUR house? and proceed with the agenda? No pictures. She wants to SEE and I believe she is interested in your (wife and your) lives. I believe it would go better with all of the participants. You feel at home, and she still gets her request taken care of. Then move slowly. Only one opinion. Please post the proceedings.

[audreyinalbany]

One way or another, her seeing you dressed changes your relationship forever. Probably in a good way, but maybe not. It may not be an earth shattering change, but even if the change is subtle, it'll still be, well, different. So just sit with the idea for awhile before you make any decisions. I think the picture is an okay idea, because it still allows you to somewhat distance yourself, but the point is, how ever you proceed, YOU need to be comfortable.

[DaphneGrey]

I'm in a different camp about your wife telling her mother. She knows her mother and trusts her reaction or she would have never told her. My SO is free to tell whoever she wants. I trust her judgement 100%. Of course she is a very private person as I am. So she would have a very good reason to tell anyone to begin with. She has only told her very close friends that she trusts. I would hope you can also trust your wife's judgement on who to tell. I also believe your wife trusts that her mother can and will keep this secret. I don't see her telling her husband since you wrote: "My mother in law was talking to my wife about divorcing her step dad. Apparently this has been an on going issue". So I don't see a worry there.

Your MIL asked to see you dressed. OK, I get it that you are not ready or comfortable with that. So leave the subject alone and it may pass and you will not be asked again. However if your MIL and or wife bring it up, express how you feel about it. Then and only then, if she then asks to see a picture, and you are comfortable with it, show her one. Maybe your wife has already shown her one by now.

I would not be mad or upset with your wife for telling. She is as involved with your crossdressing as you are. But calmly ask her not to tell anyone else for any reason without first checking with you. But let her have her mother as a knowing confidant. Trust her judgment.

Like others, I would have loved to have a MIL that knew and accepted like your's does. Says a lot about how much she thinks of you.

:yt::yt:

When you tell a spouse and nobody else who can she talk to? You let it off your chest feels good right? It is kind of selfish to pass all that weight off to your wife to carry around.

She needed to tell somebody and obviously she chose wisely.

[Amanda_P]

My wife doesn't like my dressing but my mother in law loves it. When we go to goodwill or such me and my mother in law are looking for clothes acceceries for me. We laugh and say halloween is just around the corner even tho it is months away. My wife on the other hand hates it.

[wife stephanie<3]

Having read all of the quotes above, Why not have your MIL come to YOUR house? and proceed with the agenda? No pictures. She wants to SEE and I believe she is interested in your (wife and your) lives. I believe it would go better with all of the participants. You feel at home, and she still gets her request taken care of. Then move slowly. Only one opinion. Please post the proceedings.

I agree, dress at your home. It is your comfort zone. At the very least, if you feel uncomfortable, you have a quick out. Good luck. Keep us informed on the outcome.

[vivian fair]

When my wife told my mother in law about my crossdressing the mil replied " if that's all you can complain about, you have no complaint". Later,unknowing of this conversation, the mil brought up this topic. I scurried out to keep from confessing, then later was told she did know. The subject never came up with her again.