small step forward / 5 steps back

[Kathy4ever]

If you ever read my posts my wife caught me a few years ago and was not too happy about it. over the past three years I have progress that I'm totally shaven, wear panties, wear womans sandals (not too fem), wear womans pants, and many types of woman tanks and toenail polish out into the open. I also have been letting my hair grow now since December and only just got my second trim two days ago. My wife wanted me to get it short but I opted for just getting the split ends trimmed off. So I take my son to get his hair cut in the style she wanted me to get and she starts on me a little about be a sissy boy and wearing my hair like a girl. She even has called me wig boy before. I luv my hair and want it longer so I can style it different like a girl has the option to. Anyone else go through this and does your SO ever get it over it or will the hair always a talking point? I think if I ever get through that awkward hair style she will be okay but that awkward style she can't seem to get over.

[joan47]

My wife's main "talking points" is my thin arched eyebrows and long arylic nails

[jillleanne]

Just do what makes you happy; it's your hair. Tell your wife you want her to grow her hair extra long and curl and style it every single day in the mornings when she gets up, you know, so it doesn't look so masculine. I suspect she will get the message quickly.

[Kylie4]

Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.

[STACY B]

Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!

[RADER]

You are lucky to have hair. When I get a hair cut, it is just that, "a Hair" cut, and
the rest is simonize.
Rader

[kimdl93]

Seems like you and your wife have issues beyond the length of your hair. Better start talking seriously with her.

[Laura912]

Agree with Kim. Is the hair just a focal point for something deeper? You could do the experiment and trim the hair then see what she does. Hair will grow back. Isn't it worth short hair for a while to see what peace may follow?

[melissakozak]

Your issues are strking a chord with me because I had fairly long hair until recently, got tired of the mess it was becoming in boy mode, and I had it cut a lot shorter. By the way, I also got a French pedicure, etc. There is only so much you can do to your body in boy mode before you start looking gender queer and frankly, 'odd.' I was feeling pretty damn odd inside, not relieved or liberated but frankly, strange as hell because it was an in between state of body which led to an inbetween state of mind. Needless to say, my wife lost it when I came home with my French pedicure. If your wife is upset over these changes, you need to discuss them with her. I have decided that my marriage, and a little compromise, is more important than me going down that road of what I call....yes, partial transition. Yeah, I shave my body. Yes, I keep myself fit. But I had to draw a line in the sand somewhere and when I started with the hair and nails, I quickly realized I was making my wife uncomfortable, etc. I backed off. I want it to be plainly obvious I am male in boy mode. And as for the hair and nails, I keep my toes polished clear, my hair short, and my body shaved. I look like an Olympic swimmer. From your post, it sounds like there is a lot going on with you and this is probably having some negative consequences on your marriage. Marriage requires compromise no matter what. Being married to a transgendered husband is not easy.

[Lainie]

She calls you a sissy, but if your hair were more feminine, you think it would be ok with her? You crazy, girl. Talk to her. More important, LISTEN to her. Maybe you can save the marriage, but as James Taylor says, "you got to shower the people you love with love"!

[reb.femme]

I'm only about 6 months in from 'full exposure' to my wife. She was very accepting at the time but as aways warned, that acceptance wains somewhat every now and then. She teases me about little aspects but she isn't bitter when saying it, we go shopping for stuff together and even share dresses, skirts and cardis. I'm assuming that your wife is a little more cutting? There definitely appears to be an issue here, which needs to be discussed. Personally, I keep male mode for the world, as I don't want my wife to feel or be compromised in any way because of me. I think this is something you will have to consider soon too.

I've been progressively trimming my eye brows so as not to present a complete change in one go. This morning as I cuddled my wife, she leant back and looked at my brows. I saw her eyes dart left and right a couple of times, then she continued the cuddle. Nothing said, but a whole load of communication going on. Plus, my mascara also needs a couple of sessions to remove so my eyelashes appear a little more defined.

She has asked me to dress now and again so that she gets used to seeing me totally en femme, but I can sense that she is not fully OK with it. However, as I said, only 6 months in and I can only describe her so far as fantastic really, as my revelation was obviously a big jolt for her.

As aways, for everyone it's somewhere between DADT and Absolute Acceptance.

Rebecca x

[Kathy4ever]

I did that in december. I grew it all last year. She liked I did not. I don't tell her how to wear her hair or how to dress. It's the old adage why must I be told how to wear my hair or what to wear. She has progressed a lot this year with what I wear and the nail polish. I've complimented many times how proud of her i was o bring nicer. All of a sudden she is strating to revert to her negative ways.
Agree with Kim. Is the hair just a focal point for something deeper? You could do the experiment and trim the hair then see what she does. Hair will grow back. Isn't it worth short hair for a while to see what peace may follow?

Yea i do test the waters some. I am careful when i go out and not make her uncomfortable. Such a case happened two weeks ago when I already had removed my nail polish because we had a function to go to. She thought I might of put up a front to not attend due to still having nail polish on. She had said she would take the kids and i could rest, since I had to go to work due to an emergency. I said it will only take a minute to on my swim suit and then she blurts out whats on your toenails. I said nothing i already took it off. Then we all finally went.
Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.

Great idea, maybe I should put my fishnet stockings, heels and a sexy dress and she will forget about the hair.!!!
Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!

[danielletorresani]

Sounds like maybe you took five steps forward and one step back. It may be to many changes for her to handle right now, especially with a young son. I have 3 boys all under 7 and I do nothing feminine in front of them that they can see. She may just be scared of you just embarrassing her or your kids.

Rightfully so, I think.

When there's other people who will be affected by my decisions, ESPECIALLY children, I don't think the primary deciding factor should be to just do what feels good for ME.

[Dawn cd]

I'm not clear about the tone of voice your wife uses, but words like "sissy" and "wig boy" sound like taunting to me. These are deliberately hurtful words, not dialogue. You and your wife need to have serious conversation.

[Jolene Robertson]

Kathy, most of us make some compromises with our wifes. Mine likes a hairy chest, thats her thing so no shaving there. Short hair? No problem that is what wigs are made for, plus you can change hair style in a second. But I agree you might need a good conversation with your wife to set boundaries.

Hugs
Jolene

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kathy, With my wife it's that my nails are too long they look likr girls she says.

[Kathy4ever]

We are in the same boat of the DADT part of this. It ihas progressed with the a lot of things and thankfull for that. I guess I still want more. I want the some of the things you get to do and more. The hair thing is faze in this process. It might always be her problem area. She might be on the kidding side of it with a twist of a knife as well. I give her what she needs and if she wanted to talk about I think i could discuss it better than I did 3 years ago. She doesn't seem interested in talking about it so I don't push that envelope.
I'm only about 6 months in from 'full exposure' to my wife. She was very accepting at the time but as aways warned, that acceptance wains somewhat every now and then. She teases me about little aspects but she isn't bitter when saying it, we go shopping for stuff together and even share dresses, skirts and cardis. I'm assuming that your wife is a little more cutting? There definitely appears to be an issue here, which needs to be discussed. Personally, I keep male mode for the world, as I don't want my wife to feel or be compromised in any way because of me. I think this is something you will have to consider soon too.

I've been progressively trimming my eye brows so as not to present a complete change in one go. This morning as I cuddled my wife, she leant back and looked at my brows. I saw her eyes dart left and right a couple of times, then she continued the cuddle. Nothing said, but a whole load of communication going on. Plus, my mascara also needs a couple of sessions to remove so my eyelashes appear a little more defined.

She has asked me to dress now and again so that she gets used to seeing me totally en femme, but I can sense that she is not fully OK with it. However, as I said, only 6 months in and I can only describe her so far as fantastic really, as my revelation was obviously a big jolt for her.

As aways, for everyone it's somewhere between DADT and Absolute Acceptance.

Rebecca x

[Rebecca Star]

I give her what she needs and if she wanted to talk about I think i could discuss it better than I did 3 years ago. She doesn't seem interested in talking about it so I don't push that envelope.

From my take on it, the hair is just a catalyst, an excuse to nit pick you. Not that I profess to know how women process things, but what you've described indicates to me, there is a much bigger issue(s) here.


Seems like you and your wife have issues beyond the length of your hair. Better start talking seriously with her.

Yep I agree with Kim.

[Kathy4ever]

As always you ladies give good advice. Communication is a two way street. At times she can put up a wall that I don't think communication could happen. I'm just just the same and put up a wall of defense to block off the attacks. I don't think our marriage is in trouble because she is a caring lady and does luv me and I her. We have made lots of progress over the past year and half and it is one of those things that she just reverts to. I think our neighbor helps her or me with her attitude. There are no grudges on either end. It is not like she says everyday or every week, it is just something that pops out of her mouth. In some ways I get a kick out of it . Maybe I like being attacked some. Just maybe I am sick. Maybe it is like the kid that is bad that is trying to get attention I guess.



Listen up sissta ,,,It will all go away soon ,,The first year is the worst ,,,,,, Im telling yaaaaaa I know . After all the folk get used to you haveing long hair they shut up an find something else to complain about trust me . By xmas they will have forgoten all about it .Hell I do stuff to take there mind off how long it is ,,Like highlites ,,Change the color ,,An of corse a real girly cut ,,, An if that dont work wear something crazy they will look at that . Give um what they want another SUBJECT ,,,,,, They wont ever leave you alone if your the PUNCHING BAG !!
I just luv your humor. Keep it going girl.

[linda allen]

Kathy, Reading the first post, my thought was you don't have much of a marriage, just two roomates with benefits. In later posts you seem to backtrack a little so it's hard to understand your situation.

I do think your marriage needs serious work on both your parts. She needs to understand where you're coming from, but more importantly, you need to understand where she's coming from, especially where it concerns the children.

As for the hair specifically, in some communities and in some occupations, long hair on a man, especially a younger man would be fine. Think artist, musician, etc. In other communities or occupations, long hair will make you stick out like a sore thumb and may hold you back in your career. As someone mentioned, wigs work great.

If you want to stay married, you have to work on your relationship. When you complain on a forum that your wife "won't let you ........." or calls you names, it's clear you're not doing that.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Kathy, you're asking for trouble with this line of thinking! Be very careful, you don't want to push so far that you lose the family.