I think I need help....

[Kimberlyfaye]

That could be an understatement :straightface:

I was hoping some of you could offer some advice.
I keep switching from feeling like I want to stop doing this and that it's silly of me to be doing it to feeling like I just want to tell people, get it out in the open and possibly live full time as female. I've never had such conflicting thoughts and back when I first started it was more about a sexual thrill than being female. I'm sure many of you have been here before me. What advice could you offer me if any?
On another note would it be worth me seeing a doctor or a specialist to determine if I am TG and not just a CD? I don't want to end up in therapy or anything, I just want to know whether I am a female on the inside.

If it helps I know this much. When a girl is the reflection I see in the mirror, I'm happier than when a male is there.

Hugs all x

[sissystephanie]

Every person in the world has a little of the other sex in their body! That is part of nature. But some of us have more than just a little! Obviously you do! You do need some help, but it would have be someone who specialized in gender disorders!! You didn't say how old you are, but I am guessing you are young! And you are good looking! So do get some professional help, and let us know about the results!

[xdressed]

I've heard that a lot of people have a sexual element to their crossdressing early on which then subsides over time, quite natural. I think if you really were a female trapped in a male body you'd probably be more certain of it than you are now.

[Kate Simmons]

The only things we "have" to do Mikayla is die and pay taxes. Other than that we don't really "have" to do anything, except be ourselves.:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mikayla, You are too young to have these kinds of problems why don't
you try to find a local CD group to make friends with that should
take your mind off of it.

[Contessa]

I think purging would help you make a decision. Everyone may think they need to stop this stupid behavior, but I don't know any people that quit do you. If you act on your feeling you will be able to figure out what is going on in your head. Go see a therapist or psychiatrist cause you are the one who will do the figuring out. they will tell you what you said. do you like women or sex with them or do you love women enough to want to be one. Think about it, I love women more that I like having sex with all of them. Does any of this help you think. If I had stopped would you know me.(you know what I mean)


Tess

[Rachel Morley]

Only you can know if you are CD or TS. If it helps, I would recommend you spend as much time as possible around just CDers and then spend as much time as possible around just TS's. I did this and soon found out which group I identified more with. How do you find these folks? .... join two support groups and go to their meetings/socials. Spend 3 or 4 months going to one group and then another 3 or 4 months with other group ... IMHO you'll soon know where you feel most comfortable and feel like you fit in.

[Pythos]

There are moments I go through similar. Not necessarily going all out, but definitely appearing as my preferred self, makeup and all. Basically flipping the bird to "societal" norms. I really wish it was acceptable to go from one look to the other by a day to day basis, but for some reason that is not really acceptable.

I disagree with the purging idea though. I think purging is really really silly.

I know that I am not a female trapped in a man's body...but there are times I think my ex GF and myself had a bit more in common than similar interests. My look is highly fem, androgynous. I like my hair long, I prefer skirts to pants any old time.

There are times I think it would be in my interest to see a specialist on the matter, to really figure me out.

The latest revelation from my ex is making me think such as well.

[Cynthia Anne]

Take your time young lady! Never make a decision on the spur of a moment! Getting some outside help is most likely a good idea! Accept yourself completely before you exspect others to! You don't want to do anything you may live to regret! Best wishes to you!

[jillleanne]

That could be an understatement :straightface: If it helps I know this much. When a girl is the reflection I see in the mirror, I'm happier than when a male is there.

This statement means nothing really. It could be 'pink fog' or simply the fact you, as well as many of us, feel the same way when looking at our fem image. There is no magic bullet that tells us our true gender. That comes from within; no blood test, no nothing. Go slow and assume nothing. If you would like better insight into who you are try living as a female 24/7 for say 30 days. I mean 24/7 with absolutely no breaks from femininity. Chances are if you can pull this off without any frustration in doing so, you might want to make an appointment with a therapist afterwards.

Hugs all x[/QUOTE]

[Roberta Young]

Mikayla, You answered your own question by the "reflection in the mirror statement" Luv Roberta

[Kimberlyfaye]

Thank you for all the responses.

To answer a few, I defiantely wont purge. I've spent way too much money to throw it all away. I would love the chance to meet up with others like me but I don't know if there are any in my area. Failing that, meeting with even one or two CD would be nice. Just to chat and share stories with. Alas at the moment my life is a mess and it's impossible to get out far.
Now the idea of being fem 24/7 appeals to me. I would love to do that. But with my life right now, job, family etc, it's just impossible and illogical to consider doing it. If I were to start a new job then I would probably do it straight away.
I do agree with many of you that this will need time before I commit and tell anyone I'm a CD or trans.
Oh and my age, I'm 27, so still possibly a child in this family :)

[kimdl93]

You have to work that out for yourself, or with the help of a therapist. There's no easy answer. A lot of us have been conflicted over the desire to dress or somehow abandon it and "be normal". But also, you need to allow for the possibility that you can be both at different times, depending on your circumstances and preferences. Its not necesarrily an either or deal.

[BRANDYJ]

My thoughts...First, you did not mention whether or not that you are sexually attracted to girls, guys, or both. Not that sexuality is a deciding factor, but it may offer a clue. If you are attracted to girls and have not had any meaningful long lasting romantic relationships with girls, it could be that at your age and hormones raging, you have replaced female companionship with that image in the mirror. In effect, she is for now your girlfriend. Do you consider that you want a long term relationship with a girl. or with a guy? Take gender out of it for a minute and ask yourself where you are going, where you want to be and who with. It may help you figure it out. So if it's PINK FOG for lack of female companionship, then you may be a CD and not trans. I am far from an expert, but most TS's know it or feel they are in the wrong body at a very early age. So what is the reason for you being a CD or TS? Is it the feelings of being in the wrong body that lead you to CD, or is it the crossdressing that has brought on the feelings of being TS? I had a brief period in my life when I was without a romantic relationship with a woman, that I gave some thought as to what am I, TS or CD. If your crossdressing was started as a sexual release and that component is still there, my guess is you are not TS, but a CD in the throws of the pink fog.

[Janelle_C]

I started with it being more in the bed room too. I think for me it was a way to get what I needed with out the shame I felt. I also have had all the same feelings and thoughts that are all over the map. I know you said that you did not want to go to therapy, but I started to see a gender therapist this year and its helped me understand some of my feelings. And I no longer feel any shame about who I am. If you go see a doctor what are you trying to get from that justification for your feelings. You don't need justification, you are who you are, and you have these feeling trying to understand them helps a lot. Hugs Janelle

[Rebecca Star]

You have to work that out for yourself, or with the help of a therapist. There's no easy answer. A lot of us have been conflicted over the desire to dress or somehow abandon it and "be normal". But also, you need to allow for the possibility that you can be both at different times, depending on your circumstances and preferences. Its not necesarrily an either or deal.

Pound for pound you come out with some amazing insights, Kim :)

[reb.femme]

I was going to throw in my tuppence worth Mikayla but I personally think Brandy has defined the situation perfectly.

To hell with it, here's my shout. From what I read here, I think TS is one of those things knocking on your door from an early age. I too would love to live a whole load of my life in femme but reality shines through my fog. If I need a really hard time at work, the skirt and make-up would ensure I got it, as I've brought up trans issues before. All in on the conversation vented their bile (have to say men more so than women, but they had a good go too!).

I think maybe you could look for a more professional opinion but personal reflection and analysis are best in my mind. Only you get to make the big decision, even after any amount of consultations with a 'stranger - unknown'.

I'm in the south east but almost double your age, so more like your parents probably. That said, I love crossdressing so maybe I'm a little different, unless your dad..........errr no, lets not go there. :heehee:

Rebecca x

[Kimberlyfaye]

Haha, not my dad Rebecca.

Ok this might fill in some blanks. I'm not a very good story teller though.

I can't say whether this has been an underlying issue. I remember it started as a sexual thing. I would pretend that I was feeling the way a female would. It was only once I started dressing though. I saw the clothes and was just curious. It just felt fun to be dressed in them. After a few years it went away and I got on with my life. All the while I was attracted to girls and never thought about dressing. I was more feminine than most of my male friends and I had more female friends than male ones. Now about five years ago I started dressing again after the urge to buy something I liked. It felt like there was a girl in my head seeing what I saw and she was saying "ooh I like that." Anyway I dressed as soon as I could and the thrill was back.
Moving on I started wanting more things. I would buy lingerie, then it moved up to clothes and shoes and finally wigs. I never thought of going out dressed but then about two or three years ago, and this is where I don't know why, I changed. I wanted to dress, not for a sexual thrill but to feel like a girl. Now, I do have a girlfriend who has accepted me and actually likes when I dress. I'm completely straight but in the last eight months I've imagined what it might be like to be female in terms of sex. Despite this I am still attracted to females. I will also say I am attracted to the girl I see in the mirror a little too. Maybe that is a factor. Personally I feel I am a lesbian in a male body.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. Hopefully it helped. I really appreciate all your thoughts.

[reb.femme]

It started for me about the age of 10/11, puberty I suppose, as I was getting hairy legs etc. First off, I liked the soft feel of the nylon slips, but this was only every now and then. Later, this progressed to a more sexual thrill as I got a few years under my belt and I looked forward to my wife being out to steal those moments.
However, since coming out to my wife, pink fog mayhem - whole wardrobe, wig, shoes, makeup bag etc. and I've been out a few nights at night, but wanting to go out during the hours of day light. i sound like a vampire here. :)

The upshot is, I so enjoy dressing, I could do it every day but I like to give my wife her husband most days of the week. So I hear where you are coming from as this is so much me that you descrbe. Hetro to my last cell, no contradictory thoughts though, I love females but oh to spend more time as one myself. My honest opinion is, this is the phase you are in but as always, only you can know this.

I too like my femme form in the mirror, I aim to be my best when I dress properly. Most days, I don't bother with shaving and make-up, just dressing and hair.

Rebecca x (I would say love to your dad....but maybe not) :devil:

[5150 Girl]

The old addage "You never know untill you try" comes to mind right now

[xdressed]

Thank you for all the responses.

To answer a few, I defiantely wont purge. I've spent way too much money to throw it all away. I would love the chance to meet up with others like me but I don't know if there are any in my area. Failing that, meeting with even one or two CD would be nice. Just to chat and share stories with. Alas at the moment my life is a mess and it's impossible to get out far.
Now the idea of being fem 24/7 appeals to me. I would love to do that. But with my life right now, job, family etc, it's just impossible and illogical to consider doing it. If I were to start a new job then I would probably do it straight away.
I do agree with many of you that this will need time before I commit and tell anyone I'm a CD or trans.
Oh and my age, I'm 27, so still possibly a child in this family :)

I also would really like to meet a crossdresser in my area I could hang with, you wouldn't happen to be in my part of the south east would you?

[Kimberlyfaye]

I also would really like to meet a crossdresser in my area I could hang with, you wouldn't happen to be in my part of the south east would you?

Afraid not. I'm north of London.