YAPP (Yet Another Passing Post)

[Amanda22]

First, I don't like the whole preoccupation with the goal of passing. When I began going out in public, passing was the only thing I thought about, which attracted scrutiny and getting read, of course. I've changed, for the better.

I live in a mid-sized town in southeast Tennessee (Chattanooga) USA and it is in the middle of the Bible Belt. Tennessee is the second most violent state in the US according to a study that came out yesterday. Racism is very openly displayed here. The state representative who serves my district recently said he'd "stomp a mud hole in a cross dresser if he saw one using a women's dressing room." He got tons of support for that statement. Around here, it's common knowledge that being gay means you're evil and going to hell.

All of that is to say that I have reason to fear for the consequence of not passing. A couple of months ago, something just flipped inside of me and I gained a ton of confidence and peace. It wasn't a conscious decision but more of a breakthrough resulting in going out a lot and having nothing but quite positive experiences. The peace I felt surprised me and I knew it'd never leave (it hasn't). Because I don't have fear, apparently I act like I belong and that what I'm doing is completely normal.

80% of the time, I'm either not read or people don't care. Note: I consider not being noticed as not being read. 10% of the time, people do a double-take and don't hesitate going about their business. The other 10% of the time when I know I'm read, I get really positive feedback, ranging from women telling me how they like what I'm doing, complimenting my appearance somehow, or even being checked out by guys.

Here's a list of upsetting experiences I've had in my "dangerous" area of the world, compiled over a 2-year span of going out in public and well-populated places at least once per week:

A teenage girl in line behind me at the grocery store pointed me out to her mother and giggled to herself. (BTW, her mother acted like, "so what?")


If I only went out weekly, that's less than 1% of the time having a negative experience!

OK, I do not look like a woman. Let's agree on that. I'm 6'3", 235 pounds, and I love my heels. But I "own it." I don't strut around like I'm a beauty queen (!) but I have a solid, quiet confidence.

Am I living in some weird vortex of tolerance in backwoods Tennessee? If so, then many of you need to consider moving here. Or do people treat me the way I present myself because I'm comfortable with it?

[Stephenie S]

Because you are comfortable, those around you are too. The amount of guilt, shame, and sheer terror brought to this activity lies mostly in the mind of the crossdresser. By far, the majority of people in this world don't give a rat's behind what you wear. Teenagers seem to care, but in reality they are just bored and have nothing else to occupy their minds. I any case, a smile defuses almost ANY problem when out and about. Guys don't smile. Women do. For many, it's a hard lesson to learn. But a smile signals to the world that you are happy and satisfied with yourself and with what you are doing.

S

[Marleena]

Because you are comfortable, those around you are too. The amount of guilt, shame, and sheer terror brought to this activity lies mostly in the mind of the crossdresser. By far, the majority of people in this world don't give a rat's behind what you wear. Teenagers seem to care, but in reality they are just bored and have nothing else to occupy their minds. I any case, a smile defuses almost ANY problem when out and about. Guys don't smile. Women do. For many, it's a hard lesson to learn. But a smile signals to the world that you are happy and satisfied with yourself and with what you are doing.

S

I think Stephenie nailed it. I hear 90% is attitude and I believe that after being out and about myself Amanda.

[Debra Russell]

I know the feeling Amanda and just living the life at the time your em femme is proof - I also have never had a bad expierence under the peramaters you have set out; being comfortable - attitude and presentation says it all..............................Debra

[Barbara Ella]

While not a long time going out girl, I do believe that confidence and "owning it" are the keys to success. Sometimes I feel that the few who do make comments are the same who would stand in line and make similar comments on the GG in front of them with (politely) a little larger behind, or pantylines, or etc.. So, when we are noticed by these people, maybe we are just fitting into the grand scheme of life, albeit a bit more sensitive than most.

So glad you own it.

Barbara

[BRANDYJ]

Even the redneck hate mongers don't say anything if they read you. I mean, what 5'9" guy is gonna confront a guy 6'3" that when in heels looks more like 6'6". I suspect part of your safety is your height.
Hard to believe that Tennessee is the second most violet state in the USA. I would have never guessed it. Especially in the heart of the bible belt. I would have figured New York, Michigan and then California before any of the southern states.

[Roberta Marie]

I think, Amanda, that what you say definitely has merit and has been confirmed by the experiences of many here, including myself. Over the past few years I have been out and about frequently, averaging once or twice a week. I have had only one time that I felt threatened. While walking to my car after finishing dinner in a resturaunt I noticed an SUV with 2 guys in it that had stopped in front of the resturaunt. As I walked to my car, the SUV followed me. As I got into my car, the SUV drove up the next isle and turned back down, stopping behind me while I backed out of my parking space. THe SUV proceeded to follow me to the shopping plaza next door where I needed to pick up some things from JoAnn Fabric. As I parked, the SUV drove up the next isle and circled again, and followed me up to the JoAnn Fabric door. I spent the next 2 hours in the brightly lit, somewhat busy JoAnn Fabric store (which I can easily do just looking at patterns), and as I left the store I paid particular attention to any SUVs. The suspicious vehicle was no where to be seen.

I have to stress here, that this is the only incident out of hundreds of outings. I am comfortable with and confident in who I am, and there are few main stream places that I will not go while dressed. But, I don't want to lure anybody into a false sense of security. When we are out en femme, we are almost as vulnerable as any genetic woman. We need to be aware of our surroundings, what is sometimes reffered to as "situational awareness". While we don't want to be paranoid, we should pay attention to people around us. While we don't want to draw attention to ourselves, we need to know where the exits from any situation are in and be prepaired to use them. We need to avoid trouble by not going where we would not want our wives or daughters to go. When practical, we need to travel in numbers, at least in pairs.

Yes, a smile will difuse almost any situation. But, when a smile does not work, we need to be prepared to get out of the situation.


I am in no way saying that we should not be out and about. By all means, go out and have fun is that is what you desire. But, just be aware of your surroundings.

[kimdl93]

I believe that two things influence the way the world responds to us: how we present ourselves in a physical sense (clothing, make up, hair) and how we conduct ourselves. While I'm sure that almost every CDr has some "tells" that will betray her gender to others in a close encounter, there's such a wide range of physiques and facial characteristics among the GG population that, unless something really attracts attention, most people just won't notice. Behavior is itself a "tell". If one conducts herself in a relaxed and confident manner, they'll be less likely to stand out than someone who seems withdraw or nervous.

Like you, Amanda, I get out several times a week. I try to dress in an attractive, situation appropriate manner and despite occassional inner doubts, try to convey a friendly, engaging attitude. The response, if I get noticed at all, is almost always positive.

[STACY B]

Well,,,,,Well,,,Well, Yak,,,YAK,,,,YAK,,,, Ol Mud Hole Stomping ??? HUH,,,,HUH,,,,,, Well I accept Your Challange Sir ,,,, Or should I say Mr Represntative ,,, Step right up ,,, Let me just Slip these Platforms off ,,,,, NOW>>>>>>>>. Lets Dance !!!!!

[audreyinalbany]

Couple of years ago , on one of my first trips out en femme, I was browsing through a second hand store and a young girl---probably ten or twelve--said to Mom, "that looks like a man." the Mom just 'shushed" her and went about her business. Probably said something about it's not polite to point at people or something like that.

[Cynthia Anne]

Blending in and actions sounds pretty important where you live! Having confidents and beliving in oneself only comes from exsperience and thus are very important to blend in corectly! Good for you!

[DeeArel]

Confidence and owning it definitely work. I have not had any issues across the state of TN. Of course age appropriate and flattering, not body hugging, clothing helps. I do have reservations about getting out in the small rural towns, however.

[lingerieLiz]

I don't think you can define any area of the country that is safe or dangerious. There are idots in the most liberal spots who want to teach them trannies a lesson.

I've lived all over this country and a few others. Neighbors in most places knew and I went out enfem also. The biggest problem I used to worry about is back when it was illegal. For several years I didn't know it was, then when I found out I would be more careful, but still did it.

[Sallee]

I think you nailed it You're confident
Most folks just don't care even in Tenn.

[Ann Thomas]

I own it as well, and find that's what makes me feel accepted. I first dressed out in public in a very small town in a rural area, and felt the same as you describe. Coming to Southern California has been a mixed bag, sometimes less acceptance, sometimes more than I felt in the small town.

As far as being passable, I do not try to be. I'm who I am, do the best I can, but do not consider myself passable. Doing so would not be me. I feel I am somewhat of a third gender, as some cultures see it. Part male, part female, expressing both at the same time. And it's perfectly ok to be that way! :-)

Ann