Ahhhhh!!!! There Comes A Time

[Dana]

I've been wrestling with crossdressing for most of my life. Now that I'm on the backside of forty, divorced, and single,............I've come to the realization that I've got to quit kidding myself, quit lying to myself about the subject.

I've come to the point in my life, that when I think I'm fooling someone, the only person that I'm fooling is myself.

I've come to the realizattion ~ that its just about going to be impossible for me to live with a GG, and not on day, be drawn to her clothes, her jewelry, her makeup. Its not a question of "If" but a question of when.

I've tried just about any and all, approaches to live up to the expectations of society. Did 20+ years in the elite military. Did the drinking thing ~ the drunk thing, ~ the beating myself up over it thing.

Didn't work ~ doesn't work!

Have looked the world over ~ seeking, trying to find just one other such man as myself ~ just to discuss it! Just to talk about it!

Now I'm single ~ and haven't been in a relationship with a woman for years, because of the spectra of crossdressing! Its part of me ~ its an interal part of who and what I am.

Comments? Suggestions? Opinions?

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Dana
I can understand the willingness to stop lying to yourself

Dressing on your own is easy but is that your aim.

I think from what you have said you still want female company

I know there are women out there who will not only accept but embrace your crossdressing

When reading some of the other posts you will see the fun some couples have shopping.

I hope this helps a little

Take Care

[jo_ann]

unless you hook up with a woman that's at least totally accepting (perhaps encourages it), it's no fun being with a woman and being a CD.

[cathy b]

sounds like you are getting your s==t together but be yourself first . then don't give up on gg .a lot of the girls have excepting gg and so can you.
you can't force it you just have to relax and let it come on its own. but don't give up. DON"T GIVE UP

hugs

[DragonLotus]

I hope you are able to find some peace one day. While I'm not a CD (duh!) I am a GG who admires their courage, and in many ways I fall off the beaten path myself. Being different (especially when we try to resist it and do what society wants us to do) can put a real strain on us emotionally, physically and spiritually. It can cause some real pain. But I refuse to stop being myself (I'm glad you have as well), and if it means it will take me longer to come across someone who accepts me totally as I am then so be it. Better that than a charade.

I agree with the others here. The only way the company of a GG will be pleasurable again to you is for her to have total acceptance of who you are and the things that make you happy.

But don't give up on that. It's out there for you, as I believe it is for everyone. Just wanted to chime in as a GG to let you know that.

Hope you feel better soon!

[cindybarnes]

Hi Dana,
I see it as two important issues, and sounds like you have handled one now,,accepting who you are.
Next will be finding a partner that you can be open with REALY open with.
Your right, it wont go away, but doesnt meen you cant be happy with another because of it. Dont compramise and go back to hiding who you are when finding another, it doesnt make sence.
My SO didnt understand this side of me probly still doesnt but I was lucky she tolerated it at times. It wasnt until I accepted it myself that things started to fall in place and get a LOt better. I remember the moment I accepted this too ,its been maybe 6 years but is still clear,, no more guilt, no more feeling bad or ashamed.We both have grown a lot since then.
Things happen for a reason, people meet others when least expected, long as your set on living life being yourself you should be ok.
Sorry to run on but just my thoughts

Cindy

[jessbcuzz]

My advice to you is to quit looking so hard! There are many, many GG out there that are accepting. The one I am with now, is totally accepting, and doesn't have a problem with it. She's meet Mileena a few times, and never has said anything bad. After reading your thread, it sounded so much like me. I also had the same thoughts and feelings that you do as well. I was even in the army. RELAX! You will find someone that is accepting. It may take going out of town (the GG I am with lives about 45 minutes away). I hope this can help you out by what I mean by quit looking so hard:

When you drive a car, the faster you go, the outside surroundings of the car go by your vision quicker. The slower you go, the more you see. This is the same as for looking so hard to find somone. The harder you look, the more you may miss. Slow down and relax, you will see more around you. When I realized I was looking to hard, and I decided to slow down and relax, I had managed to go on three dates within a couple of months with GG's that were accepting. Now, I am engaged to one! I'll say it one more time, relax and slow down! You will find the right GG for you!

[michellejean]

i have been married before ,lost her to the big c. in 98 , she new all and it was ok with her, a little over 23 years.and when she passed away.i stayed single for about 4 1/2 years and found another gg woman and told her all and she said ok and now she wants it to be over(divorce)and she says it is that she can not live with me being a cd .even though she said she would be glad to do my makeup so we could go out sometimes as two girls.and we have a few times.now she wants out ...all because of my being cd.so she says.,,,and now how do i start to trust another gg woman.

[TGMarla]

You feel all alone, even after joining THIS forum? I, too, have never been with any woman where I was not compelled sooner or later to peek in her closet. I just can't help it. For most of my life, I had no wardrobe of my own, so I "borrowed", always being that much more careful with the clothing than the women ever were. Was it wrong? Perhaps, but it's not like bank robbery or rape or murder. Is it any more wrong than when those women grabbed one of my shirts? Not really. I've many times said that crossdressing is not the same thing as when women borrow our clothes, but to clarify, the act of crossdressing, with breastforms, wigs, and all the stuff to actually make us look female is not the same thing. The act of borrowing the clothing really IS the same thing. So don't feel like the Lone Ranger here. I think you're more normal than you realize.

And hey, if you have to vent, we're here for you. That's what this place is all about...SUPPORT!!! Notice that no one here ever berates you for your behaviors, unless you're totally out of hand. Here you are with friends.

[Sarahgurl371]

Dana,
I totally understand your point of view. I too am in the process of stopping lying to myself, and agree with others here that it is a necessary step for enjoying life. That point, the point of not being happy in life, was what compelled me to dig a little deeper under the surface concerning CDing. I believe I am becomming a better person now. This forum has helped tremendously.

I have an unacccepting wife. I know your longing for true companionship with a woman. True love where I accept you, and you accept me, and we make each other better people. No false pretenses, no lies, no having to hide how we feel. I hope that this changes for me, and that you find it.

Reading this forum and the posts from GG's here, I would have to say that it is possible to find a woman who can accept, and even appreciate us for who we are. I certainly like to think so. Before joining this forum, I thought those women where extremely rare, now I think they are just rare.

All you need now is the courage to tell that someone special when you find her. Judging from your service to the military, I would say couarge is very much a part of who you are.

[Kim E]

Hi Dana ~
Glad to hear you have accepted who you are. That's such a big step in each of our lives. Believe me, that denial thing just doesn't work, never will. In a lot of ways we are similar. This forum is the best place to hang out, plenty of help and support from those who have walked the same path.
And don't give up on finding an accepting GG, ya never know.

Hugs ~ Kim

[Deborah]

Our situations are similar Dana i'm 35 though and gave up the idea of fighting it.
I'm just rolling with it right now. Not sure where to go yet either.