Awkward

[ReneeT]

I am feeling quite awkward at times these days, like a fish out of water. *I feel that people are looking at me, trying to figure me out. *Like I somehow don't belong. *At times, I feel like I am not being taken as seriously as I once was. *It feels an awful lot like when I first started going out, lo those many year ago. *Only now, I feel that way when presenting as a male. *I still present that way in my job, doing that whole Brooks Brothers power suit thing. *But it just feels wierd. *I feel like I am crosdressing but not a crossdresser. *Maybe its because I am full time in the rest of my life, and am so comfortable with it. *I don't know. *I just can't wait to finally be whole and concordant.

[Melody Moore]

That is exactly how I have felt, but I realise it is because I am still pre-op I feel that way. Every day I have to deal with
that 'thing' every time I get dressed shower, go to the toilet etc., and this is something that other women don't have
to confront. So this leaves me feeling somewhat of a freak. Others have tried to convince me I am a woman with a very
big clit, but that doesn't console me one single bit, but rather adds to the frustration and anxiety I am experiencing. I
will be so glad when the 10th of October comes around.
:hugs: Xx

[Hope]

I never did the back-and-forth. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. My heart goes out to you.

On the other hand... at least you get nice suits... Not really a consolation, I know.

[LeaP]

I never did the back-and-forth. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. My heart goes out to you.

On the other hand... at least you get nice suits... Not really a consolation, I know.

LOL - the better the suit the stronger the effect!

I often have the feeling of being crossdressed when in male clothing, but never so strongly as when in a suit. The impression can come on suddenly, too, as when you are walking through a public place and suddenly feel like there's a spotlight on you. It is indeed very weird.

[EnglishRose]

I'm getting this quite a bit too. Someone with a slightly incredulous "WTF?" face will take extra care in staring me up and down...

[kimdl93]

Interesting. I read a similar comment from Kaz in the MtF forum. She commented that she feels herself in her women's clothes and feels as though she's an actor when dressed as a man. I get the same feeling. I'm en femme most of my life, but still have to shift into male mode for certain obligations....and increasingly, I do feel like I'm CDing.

[Traci Elizabeth]

[QUOTE=Hope;2909299]I never did the back-and-forth. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. My heart goes out to you.

[QUOTE]


I never did either. I can't imagine going back and forth between male and female presentation. That would have never worked for me. But that's me - not anyone else. We are all different with different circumstances.

[Raquel June]

I went through some pretty sh*tty events and had to cut my hair and dress like a dude to get a job making more than minimum wage. But I've already lived full-time, and I'm on HRT, and it really doesn't seem that bad. I mean, it's weird crossdressing to go to work. But I'm not stuck feeling like I'll never go back. Because I never have to shave, and every day I have to squeeze my boobs down under a compression shirt. So it's obviously just crossdressing at the office and nothing permanent. It's more like a little game I'm playing, and honestly I put more effort into looking nice than before I transitioned when I was just a depressed and wearing baggy guy clothes.

If you want to stay sane you've gotta have a definite plan that you're following and moving in the direction of re-transitioning. But it's better than being homeless.

[ReneeT]

I went through some pretty sh*tty events and had to cut my hair and dress like a dude to get a job making more than minimum wage. But I've already lived full-time, and I'm on HRT, and it really doesn't seem that bad. I mean, it's weird crossdressing to go to work. But I'm not stuck feeling like I'll never go back. Because I never have to shave, and every day I have to squeeze my boobs down under a compression shirt. So it's obviously just crossdressing at the office and nothing permanent. It's more like a little game I'm playing, and honestly I put more effort into looking nice than before I transitioned when I was just a depressed and wearing baggy guy clothes.

If you want to stay sane you've gotta have a definite plan that you're following and moving in the direction of re-transitioning. But it's better than being homeless.

Interesting comment about putting more effort into dressing as a guy. I have noticed that in myself as well. I am much more particular about my clothes and grooming. I do the compression top thing too, although it doesn't quite do the trik anymore. I also wear more pastels than i used to. If I am going to cross dress, i might as well look nice!

[Robin Lee]

Hi Renee,
I have been right were your at now. I worked 25 years for a school district manager, most of it as a boy by day and girl the rest of the time. Finally my last two years I could not take it any more and came out at work. What a scary thing to do. The good part was only two people had a problem with ti and they did not work for me so what ever! The people that worked for me all excepted me just fine. Thank goodness I am now retired and could careless what people think. I do consulting now part time for a big company as a women.
Best Wishes
Robin Lee

[Karinsamatha]

I can attest to how much it SU&&S going between genders for work, and normal life. Over last weekend I got hit with the feeling of being a ghost. Not in the male world, nor in the female world. I felt like a big old nothing. That has passed but as I continue my journey to being a whole person I expect those moments will occur. I can't live as a man anymore. That is not who I am. The time for me to fully come out is coming fast.
The weird thing for me was to go and buy a man's suit for a funeral. I felt so out of place it was no joke for how weird I felt. That was the first and hopefully the last bit of male clothing I will ever have to buy again! As I move forward to congruence I expect things to get weird but if that is what I need to do to be whole so be it.

[ReneeT]

The weird thing for me was to go and buy a man's suit for a funeral. I felt so out of place it was no joke for how weird I felt. That was the first and hopefully the last bit of male clothing I will ever have to buy again!


I totally agree! I had to buy a pair of guy dress shoes this week. They are nice shoes, but just not me.

[smellymelly]

i feel your pain! the worst part for me is my career is too manly! i work on diesel trucks! it is what i'm good at, but its terrbile having to clean my nails every single day and trying to keep from cutting my hands or busting knuckles. it is very hard and very stressful sometimes. but it pays me good and i know i'll have plenty of time in the future to work in a comfy office building.

[Hope]

The weird thing for me was to go and buy a man's suit for a funeral. I felt so out of place it was no joke for how weird I felt. That was the first and hopefully the last bit of male clothing I will ever have to buy again! As I move forward to congruence I expect things to get weird but if that is what I need to do to be whole so be it.

I had to buy a pack of boy razors a few weeks ago... because I still have to occasionally shave... (KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!) I had the WEIRDEST experience walking into the boy-shaving aisle in Target... I actually felt awkward and out of place, like I didn't belong there (I don't) and actually heard myself say in my internal monologue "Ok, if anyone hassles me, I'm just here picking these up for my boyfriend." And then I giggled, out loud, for no apparent reason, like a crazy woman.

[Cindy M]

Hang in there Renee. Your day is coming and it will all be worth it. :)

[kellycan27]

I had to buy a pack of boy razors a few weeks ago... because I still have to occasionally shave... (KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!) I had the WEIRDEST experience walking into the boy-shaving aisle in Target... I actually felt awkward and out of place, like I didn't belong there (I don't) and actually heard myself say in my internal monologue "Ok, if anyone hassles me, I'm just here picking these up for my boyfriend." And then I giggled, out loud, for no apparent reason, like a crazy woman.

Just curious.. why did you feel that you had to buy "boy" razors?

[Bree-asaurus]

Just curious.. why did you feel that you had to buy "boy" razors?

I buy 'boy' razor blades because I already have the men's razor handle which I purchased because I like the heavy, metal weight to it.

I don't care if it's blue or pink... a blade is a blade :P

I also buy men's socks because my feet are too big for dainty woman-socks! I don't feel weird about that either! :D

[ReineD]

I buy 'boy' razor blades because I already have the men's razor handle which I purchased because I like the heavy, metal weight to it.

I don't care if it's blue or pink... a blade is a blade :P


Me too! Last year I received a complimentary Gillette Fusion razor, addressed to my son who was no longer living with me. I kept it and I absolutely love the close shave I get on my legs. :)

[Ciel]

i switch to male mode when at work since its the only place i am not out yet... i wear scrubs anyway, so there's not much gender distinction. i still want to try being full time though.

[michelleinktown]

For me I am not sure if the hormones or just tired of it all made me present myself as a woman all the time. I have donated all my male clothes, and went to a wake in a very tastefull skirt and blouse for a fellow coworker. I think it was more a thing of tired of living a double life, I did it and it was too exhausting. My last day at work as I walked out of the prison I work at all I could say to myself was "dead man walking" that was my last time walking as a male. Now for the other challenge's

[EnglishRose]

Just curious.. why did you feel that you had to buy "boy" razors?

I prefer Gillette Fusion Powerglide myself... just find they have a closer shave. Are you trying to imply something?

[kellycan27]

I prefer Gillette Fusion Powerglide myself... just find they have a closer shave. Are you trying to imply something?

Imply something? Like what? ... No, I was just curious . Guess that I hadn't taken into account the "utility" of men's vs woman's. But even so with that being said. I don't get why someone would feel awkward shopping in the "men's shaving section". Women buy men's products for men every day and....... people never bat an eye.

[EnglishRose]

Fair enough. I get upset sometimes using products specifically "for men". Was wondering if that's what you meant and were implying that women should use womens products... just my addled brain at fault! :)

[Joann Smith]

I am feeling quite awkward at times these days, like a fish out of water. *I feel that people are looking at me, trying to figure me out. *Like I somehow don't belong. *At times, I feel like I am not being taken as seriously as I once was. *It feels an awful lot like when I first started going out, lo those many year ago. *Only now, I feel that way when presenting as a male. *I still present that way in my job, doing that whole Brooks Brothers power suit thing. *But it just feels wierd. *I feel like I am crosdressing but not a crossdresser. *Maybe its because I am full time in the rest of my life, and am so comfortable with it. *I don't know. *I just can't wait to finally be whole and concordant.


Totally undrestand....I just look at the guy clothes that i wear to work as nothing more than a uniform these days...

[Kristy_K]

ReneeT about four months after I transitioned I came to the conclusion that I was really cross dressing before I transition when I was wearing men clothes. Now it doesn't brother to wear some men clothes like when I go to work. No sense of getting my nice clothes full of grease. Plus I also feel like I don't need to prove I am a woman any more to anyone.