Started getting professional support for my 'issues,' sort of

[GinaMarie]

I knew someday I would get to see somebody for my gender issues, and Tuesday afternoon I did. I can summarize what I feel is relevant to this post or include everything here (which I most likely will not get to).

I felt I needed to make a list of topics to discuss for the appointment, so that I wouldn't forget what I am there for. I was complemented for the creation of my list, though I flunked English 100 (twice, sadly). What happens when you don't remember what to discuss?

One week before my 21st birthday, I had my first visit with a psychiatrist regarding other issues as well as my those with my sexuality. The majority of my appointment focused on my ongoing stress with the death of my father last year, my < 2.0 GPA in college, medical matters, and whatever is happening at home, i.e. the family bugging me when something is unfinished. I mentioned that deadlines are coming up on my birthday which add to my anxiety. And I knew one thing would happen-- I'd ask my mom to join me, as she is the only person who would understand what I'm going through; she also drove me 19 miles in about 40 minutes there anyway.

I was able to get over to my second-most stressful part and the other reason I was there to begin with-- obviously, my gender issues. I appreciated that she was sensitive about it, which made me feel not so bad about being there. I brought up that my mom said I was supposedly in this "phase," when I decided that I wanted to grow out my hair and developed the habit of shaving my legs while concealing it from my brother and his girlfriend who, most importantly, cannot know the real reasons why I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I explained that I do wear women's clothing, and that I am not gay or bisexual, but I did tell her I do CD-- that I only came out to my mom and got into the "avoiding confrontation and fallout with the unaccepting" situation. It was self-explanatory.

I feel I am making progress with continuing to get through my situations without letting them bring me down, but the gender problem is by far my most challenging issue. Now that I realize it, the psychiatrist I was referred to, she doesn't really "specialize" in gender issues but somewhere down the road I may find myself seeing one for that purpose. For now, what matters in my appointments is my own well-being. My main priority in these visits: stress management. Anything about my gender issues may come up in the future for the primary topic of the appointment. I just don't know when. It's at least a way of coming to terms with my inner self.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think it's great that you are trying to better yourself in this way! Stress is a real killer and sometimes can overload a person where nothing goes right! It's also nice you have your mothers support! It might be a wise choice to find someone who speacilizes in gender issues! Good luck girl!! 'Cause you are worth it! Hugs for you and your mother!

[kimdl93]

Its really a good time for you to be seeking professional help. At your age, dealing with the loss of a parent, college stresses and just the difficulty of growing up, each of these can weigh heavily on a young person.

Lets start with the easiest problem first - failing English 100. You've written in complete and grammatically correct sentences, so your ability to communicate isn't the issue. My guess is that you've had difficulty focusing on the assignments and perhaps attending class. Here's what turned my college experience around. I used to sit in the back row...far away from the lecturer as possible....back with all the other guys who hadn't done their assignments. I was failing miserably as a student. I literally moved to the front of the class....by moving to the front of the class. I started seeking out the front row, right in front of the lecturer. Of course, I was able to hear better and just being so close to the lecturer forced me to be more engaged in the class. And, I made darn sure I came prepared. As a result I completed my college career with three years on the deans list.

OK, with that problem solved. You mention medical and family issues (things unfinished). Don't know what those are...could you elaborate?

The 800 pound gorilla - at least in your mind - is your CDing/gender issues. I'm glad your addressing this with your therapist and your mother. While neither of them is an expert in gender issues, utimately there is one thing you need to take away from therapy: Cross dressing is not a crime. Its common place, lots of people, both straight and gay, are cross dressers. You do not need to be ashamed of it. Its just part of being human. If you take anything at all awya from therapy, it should be that.

[GinaMarie]

I think it's great that you are trying to better yourself in this way! Stress is a real killer and sometimes can overload a person where nothing goes right! It's also nice you have your mothers support! It might be a wise choice to find someone who speacilizes in gender issues! Good luck girl!! 'Cause you are worth it! Hugs for you and your mother!

You know, I am figuring myself out, considerably because I've questioned my well-being, specifically the gender issues. More on that later, but I am trying to manage my stress better with balancing the load with mood. "Find someone who speacilizes [sic] in gender issues" will be difficult when I have insurance restrictions as far as referrals go. It's not so good when it's state-managed; I'm lucky they gave me a two-month grace period because my insurance would have expired at the end of July but I'm covered until the end of September.


Its really a good time for you to be seeking professional help. At your age, dealing with the loss of a parent, college stresses and just the difficulty of growing up, each of these can weigh heavily on a young person.

Lets start with the easiest problem first - failing English 100. You've written in complete and grammatically correct sentences, so your ability to communicate isn't the issue. My guess is that you've had difficulty focusing on the assignments and perhaps attending class. Here's what turned my college experience around. I used to sit in the back row...far away from the lecturer as possible....back with all the other guys who hadn't done their assignments. I was failing miserably as a student. I literally moved to the front of the class....by moving to the front of the class. I started seeking out the front row, right in front of the lecturer. Of course, I was able to hear better and just being so close to the lecturer forced me to be more engaged in the class. And, I made darn sure I came prepared. As a result I completed my college career with three years on the deans list.

OK, with that problem solved. You mention medical and family issues (things unfinished). Don't know what those are...could you elaborate?

The 800 pound gorilla - at least in your mind - is your CDing/gender issues. I'm glad your addressing this with your therapist and your mother. While neither of them is an expert in gender issues, utimately there is one thing you need to take away from therapy: Cross dressing is not a crime. Its common place, lots of people, both straight and gay, are cross dressers. You do not need to be ashamed of it. Its just part of being human. If you take anything at all awya from therapy, it should be that.

Ha, I tried sitting in the front of the class, but it has backfired on me. I always came to class prepared but external factors put me in bad situations that I couldn't keep up with all of my assignments. That's why I did bad for the past two years, which explains the < 2.0 GPA.

My medical issues are type 1 diabetes, a seizure disorder (NOT epilepsy), and Asperger's, a higher-functioning form of autism. When there's more than two medical conditions to deal with, it does mess with me, literally. I feel I am "overmedicated" with the medications I take. Family, it's the confidential stuff and continuing to deal with the effects of the loss of my father. It does hurt me; I was blaming myself for his death, felt guilty because I "couldn't save him. I couldn't catch him before he fell." I watched the [I]NCIS episode "Life Before His Eyes" with what would happen if <insert scenario> and such. Had I tried to stop him from falling backwards and hitting the floor, I would have taken the bullet for him. Losing either me or my father would be equal, but no parent wants to bury their 19-year-old son (my age at the time of my dad's passing).

I assume that I am realizing that "800 pound gorilla" is all in my head. At one point it broke me down, which was late June. And by going through several threads on this site, most of the people here are right. "Cross dressing is not a crime," unless the non-accepting say otherwise. Does it matter what sexual orientation you are? No, or at least that's my belief on crossdressing.