Prom... should I??

[Kimberly]

Okay... College have a prom on... I didn't want to go in the first place, thinking it would be incredibly institutionalised and all that b*llsh*t that I really don't buy into... But then I said something today, well, asked... and the response astounded me:

My english class were talking about the formal, and I'm the only boy... so the talk was about dresses, who's going with who etc. And I said I wasn't going.

Shock horror. I wasn't going... everyone goes!! Truth be told, I'd much rather just go on a night out and get drunk and have a good laugh, but a lot of people are annoyed I'm not going. (Damned peer pressure.) So... people jokingly said that I should take our, male, english teacher. We laughed, so I said, "Who'd wear the dress?" Laughter etc... Then people said I should - my hair is longer and I have a better figure.

So I asked, "What would you seriously do if I actually came in a dress?"
The response: "It would be funny for about half an hour, then the novalty would wear off and we'd all just have a good time!"

Oh my god.... this could be way out of these damned male clothes!! And, I mean... it's a fantasy of many of you girls', isn't it?? To go to your high school/college prom dressed up and dolled up to the nines!

I can't believe it, I'm actually thinking about it, and that night come out about myself to everyone. Should I, girls?? Should I... seriously??

(I'm shaking even thinking about it.) xx

[mand]

Kimberly :) ............I don't know if I'm right or wrong in saying this but...............yes :) If you feel you can do it, then do it ;)

You only live the once love and it seems like this is you're oppurtunity.


love mand xxx:)

[Sazzle]

Personally, I wouldn't. But then I am a scaredy cat!

if you think you could, go for it!

[Jamie M]

well on the face of it , it would seem like an ideal opportunity . But just think for a moment . how would it really be ? okay so these gg in your class seem okay with it but they won't be the only one's there i take it ? Would i also be right in thinking that there would be quite a few hyped up college boys ( i would say men but boys sounds more accurate ;) ) looking for fun and a laugh maybe even trouble if my proms were anything to go by .

hmmm , to me this seems like a recipe for trouble . i could be entirely wrong of course but it seems like a massive risk for you to take . Would it be a better idea to talk to these girls before hand and actually tell what you're thinking and go from there ?

[Kimberly]

Would i also be right in thinking that there would be quite a few hyped up college boys ( i would say men but boys sounds more accurate ;) ) looking for fun and a laugh maybe even trouble if my proms were anything to go by .

hmmm , to me this seems like a recipe for trouble . i could be entirely wrong of course but it seems like a massive risk for you to take .
If they beat me up then they'd be kicked out of college and they wouldn't get any A levels is my best guess...

I'm asking GG friends who know about Kimberly how they feel about it. I'm getting some enthusiasm, but I'm kinda sceptical myself. Hmm.... ARGH!

xx

[Jamie M]

If they beat me up then they'd be kicked out of college and they wouldn't get any A levels is my best guess...


Fair comment , but in my experience that never stopped them at my college and in the mean time you're still beaten up :( was i the only one who went to a S*** tip of a college then ;)

i'm not saying don't do it at all , just that i'd be a bit wary before jumping in with both feet but then again like sazzle said , i'm totally a scaredy cat too :p

[mand]

Kimberly :) Just a thought (I hope I'm understanding things right), would it be possible to enroll some of the girls out of you're class into helping you out getting ready for the night.....................it could possibly make things easier ;)


love mand xxx:)

[Kimberly]

Kimberly :) Just a thought (I hope I'm understanding things right), would it be possible to enroll some of the girls out of you're class into helping you out getting ready for the night.....................it could possibly make things easier ;)


love mand xxx:)
Yes, it would.... I have a few GG friends there who know about me, so would be able to help me as much as possible. :)

[mand]

That's what I was thinking Kimberly, the more people helping you out, then the more support you will get from them ;)
The more support you have the easier it will be, hopefully the girls will be possitvely encouraging you because they won't want to see you fail;)


Anyway love if you do decide to go for it, you have to tell us all about it :)

love mand xxx:)

[Stephanie Brooks]

Very cool Kimberly!

However, I go along with the cautious ones. Especially with a prom, you're talking about something that's VERY male/female oriented. Men wear tuxes and look like MEN. Women wear gowns and look like WOMEN. Proms are very much about social customs and sexuality. I don't know about the people at your college, but I wouldn't care to make myself an affront to a bunch of guys who expect that only biological women will be in dresses.

It makes for a great fantasy, but the reality carries more risk than I'd be willing to bear. Oh but to do it... <*sigh*>

I wish you the best on making a decision. Whatever you do will be the right one. Good luck! ^_^

[TGMarla]

Hey, look, if you're going "with" the English teacher, tell him you are a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing. Keep it light. This way, if the situation turns sour, you can bail safely. Everything we do is an action in search of a payoff of some kind or another. In this case, the payoff could be really great. Just keep a good avenue for retreat, and you'll be okay. Not everyone get such a chance. It's your decision, but if it were me, and the circumstances were the same, I might just jump at the chance.

[erica12b]

plan a out, an exit if thing get tight, and have more than one ,proper planing prevents poor preformance.. think it all thru then do it

[Kimberly]

ugh.... I want to do this so badly, but you're all right - there are significant risks involved. The college I go to is quite right wing in its ways... Sixth form attached to a boarding school. There's a gay head of sixth form, but that's as far as things have gone.

The problems that are apparent are as follows:

1) I may not be allowed to attend wearing a dress - it would offend those attending and the spirit of the occassion. I could appeal about this, and say that I am transgendered, therefore they have to let me attend wearing a dress... otherwise its sexual discrimination. Well, frankly, I don't consider myself transgendered, and haven't transitioned in the way that means I live even part of my life as a woman.

2) Jocks... There are typical matcho, rugby players there, who probably think that only GGs should be in dresses. If I went, i'd be ridiculed and laughed at... Not anything I'd wish on any CD/TG... but I want to make a point! (Just read my post on wednesday.)

3) People would see it as a joke, and that wouldn't be what I would want at all... I think with this situation, and with me, it's either, "I'm wearing a dress because I'm a crossdresser," or nothing. I don't want to be a 'guy in a dress'.

4) It would ruin what little fun I currently have at college. I'd be labelled the crossdressing weirdo etc... and my existance there would become unbarable. (It virtually is at the moment... i hate it.)

My GG friends think this would be a cool thing - it's prooving a point to those tunnel-visioned-society jock f***whits. But then again, they don't have to live with the consequences of doing this.


Something I should probably consider as well, is not what was actually said in my english lesson today, but what wasn't said, and by whom. If you think about it - only one girl actually replied to my question. The other 3 in the conversation, (not counting my friend who knows), could have thought "Oh my god, you freak..." I just don't know.

It's hard to tell what the general consensus would be. Whether people would laugh along with me, or whether i'd be ridiculed for doing such a sacrisanct thing!

Uugh... the agony of choice. It's either do it now - or do it in a couple of years... There's bound to be another social event like this somewhere, sometime in my life.

Thanks for your responses, girls. xx

[Amelia Moxon]

Kim hun this is a dilemma isn't it, well all I can say is go with what you want not what everyone else wants, If you want to go to the prom in a dress then do it, (Take some pics if you do) don't take any notice of the jocks/chav’s/scum bags or whatever else, be yourself.
They can't refuse to let you in to do so would be discrimination, and I believe an infringement of human rights.
Jocks will take the mickey, cos they take the mickey out of everything that isn't a jock or doesn't conform to what they want you can't help who you are, they can't and mostly won't accept it because it is they who are embarrassed about seeing a guy made up to look like a pretty girl, and don't know how to react. Ignore them; if you live your life in a shell then you'll never be able to do what you want. I'm kinda glad my parents found out, cos even though they hate me dressing up, it means I can now do things like my trip to Manchester on Saturday, (yay) or go out, I couldn't do that before as there would be too many questions, like what’s in the hold all etc. So do what you want to hun, shine, be yourself.

Hugs
Amelia xxx

[sandra_lag]

Kimberly, I, personally, wouldn&#180;t do it. It&#180;s too risky for your phisical and/or psichical integrity, but I saw you have think a lot about it and have get the pros and cons.

But if you decide finally going in dress.... we want photos !!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

[Phoebe Reece]

Kimberly,

This one is certainly a tough choice. It will likely be something to remember for your entire lifetime if you do it. If you don't you will always be wondering "what if I had...."

I have to lean more towards doing it than not. However, I suggest if you do it, you not go in the company of your English teacher, unless you want to be branded as gay. The only way to do it would be to solicit not only your GG friends to help picking out the gown, but to also do your makeup for you, and have several of them on each arm when you enter the ballroom. The jocks may sneer at you, but you will be the one with the most girls in tow and that may actually earn you some respect with them. You don't have to tell anyone you are doing it for a joke or that you are doing it because you are transgendered. You can simply wink, smile, and say that it got you a lot of fun attention from some of the girls. They may then think this to be part of a scheme to bed a few of the beauties. That sort of thing is always OK with the jocks....

[Wendy me]

sometimes what you would like to do and what you can or should are diffrent but the time comes and you don't need to ask or think abought it then you know it the right thing to do .....

[Pamela girl]

One thing you could do is to go along with the ideal and get them to do a test run a few days or a week before prom and get all gussied up, tell the girls you want to see the full efect before you decide. go all out makup, wig, nails, ect. See what kind of mood there is with it. Then if you don't go to prom like that you still would have had one heck of a good time dressing up with the girls. You might even be able to as a bonus ask if they think you could pass and get them to help you with somthing more than a prom dress. You might even be lucky enough for someone to bring up the Ideal of running out to get a bite to eat and when you mention "It's going to take me a while to change and get this makup off" Who knows they may say "oh just go like that"
Anyway after that you migh be more able to make up your mind, and if you decide not to go you still would have had a great time

[Kimberly]

oh, I wouldn't be going with my english teacher - I was thinking of asking a friend who hasn't got a partner yet.

Just to make that clear ;) xx

[Julie York]

Don't do it.






However! Plan B:-
Go in drab. Put dressy up stuff in a bag somewhere. Then if the situation arises sneak off and dress up then TADAA!

Now the thing is...YOU might be seeing yourself as all girly...everyone else might be seeing you as a guy in a dress having a laugh. Does it matter?

You'll become that famous eccentric guy who dared to be so outragious, with no come back other than....wow...

[Kimberly]

Now the thing is...YOU might be seeing yourself as all girly...everyone else might be seeing you as a guy in a dress having a laugh. Does it matter?

You'll become that famous eccentric guy who dared to be so outragious, with no come back other than....wow...
I'm confused... you don't want me to do it? But you make a good arguement FOR doing it. :p

[swiss_susan]

Kimberly,

Yes it sounds like fun and in a controlled environment. If you really want to do this I would suggest checking with someone at the college if you would be allowed to attend.

As to some of your concerns, yes in all likleyhood someone or many may ridicule you. And the after effects will likley include people at school calling you a freak and all the rest of that crap.

Oh and remember some of us macho rugby playing jocks likes our dresses and panties too. lol

It is a tough one that you will have to decide for yourself really.

sorry I couldn't be more helpful,

Susan

[Adele 2005]

Hi Kimberly,

You're young but appear to be very sensible, and it sounds like the girls in your class could be supportive. Whether you go to the dance or not, at least you've learnt that you've got some very good friends you can depend on. That at least should make you happy and give you something to build upon in the future. Friendships take work to maintain, and open-minded friends like that will be so important to keep.

So, why not ask their honest opinion? They know about you and your college better than any of us. Just tell them that you'd love to play along with their idea and go as a female, but spell out your worries and concerns about it, as you have here, and ask them what they would honestly do if they were you.

If you really think that you'll be in personal danger of attack at the the dance, why not say it's an idea you still want to do, but suggest a different date and venue where you can expect an accepting/less threatening environment? Perhaps there's a pub or club you could suggest that's known to have a gay clientele, which may feel less threatening? It may not be as glamourous as a 'Prom' (whatever happened to the plain old 'School Disco', eh?!) but at least you'll feel more relaxed and it will be on your terms, rather than feeling pushed into doing what the other girls want to do... although wearing a ballgown and tiara for the pub or club may look a bit overstated!

Remember, it's the people that make a good party, not the place!

Whatever you decide, good luck and enjoy yourself.

[Julie York]

I'm confused... you don't want me to do it? But you make a good arguement FOR doing it. :p

Yes. Don't do it . It's a bad idea and your gut instinct it telling you that is HUGE letters.


However, if you DO want to do it and get away with it...I gave you a plan B.


But if you seriously want to go to a Prom dance, dressed in a ballgown and be "free to be you" then you have more courage than most sane folk.

It's a nice idea. But it isn't a good one.

[Kimberly]

although wearing a ballgown and tiara for the pub or club may look a bit overstated!
Funnily enough - I met up with a friend of mine to go shopping, (fem stuff for me), and she told me she half expected me to turn up in a long evening dress. :p

Too bad I was in drab, eh? :D

[Kimberly's GG]

kim you know whatever you do ill be there for u!:D

people wouldnt touch u - their all whimps however i know how this collage works - it would be gossiping/bitching behind your back + snidy comments that no-one else can here thrown at you on random occasions

if u think u can handle it then do it - it may be the best experiance of your life! and i will help u through it - ill try + do ur make up (even tho ur probably better at it that me...) do ur hair + u can borrow one of my dresses if u like - first things first we need to get u new shoes - those ones are RANK!!!

XxXxX

[Lotte L]

Kimberly,

This is the moment, your opportunity to do so. You want to do it so bad. My teacher always said if you really want something "give it a name and it will happen". Beeing CD you allready gave yourself the name Kimberly.

Bon chance,
Hug Lotte L


Okay... College have a prom on... I didn't want to go in the first place, thinking it would be incredibly institutionalised and all that b*llsh*t that I really don't buy into... But then I said something today, well, asked... and the response astounded me:

My english class were talking about the formal, and I'm the only boy... so the talk was about dresses, who's going with who etc. And I said I wasn't going.

Shock horror. I wasn't going... everyone goes!! Truth be told, I'd much rather just go on a night out and get drunk and have a good laugh, but a lot of people are annoyed I'm not going. (Damned peer pressure.) So... people jokingly said that I should take our, male, english teacher. We laughed, so I said, "Who'd wear the dress?" Laughter etc... Then people said I should - my hair is longer and I have a better figure.

So I asked, "What would you seriously do if I actually came in a dress?"
The response: "It would be funny for about half an hour, then the novalty would wear off and we'd all just have a good time!"

Oh my god.... this could be way out of these damned male clothes!! And, I mean... it's a fantasy of many of you girls', isn't it?? To go to your high school/college prom dressed up and dolled up to the nines!

I can't believe it, I'm actually thinking about it, and that night come out about myself to everyone. Should I, girls?? Should I... seriously??

(I'm shaking even thinking about it.) xx

[Miss Vicki]

If you do not go you will look back 5, 10 15 and more years and say, "I cpuld have...." Do it and then say, I LOVED IT

I wish I had that opportunity. Then or now

[JulieNY]

I'd feel out your friends, to be sure of how they feel. If they're encouraging, I'd go for it! I'd try and look nice and be confident. How well you present will have a lot to do with others' perceptions.

It's safe to have an exit and be prepared for all that could happen, but I doubt you'll be harassed during the night. I'd be more concerned about the gossip that would spread on campus. When I've done things like this in the past, I've been teased a bit, but not questioned. They assumed I was just doing it as a ladies man ;). YMMV.

Good luck :). And be sure to get pictures if you choose to go!

[Shelly Preston]

Kimberly
Have you though of asking the english teacher what the reaction might be.

After all i assume someone is in charge of the prom.

[Kimberly]

Okay girls (and guys - possibly,) I think the dream is over.

I talked with a lot a friends, (one of whom joined the site - thanks hunny.) and the general consensus is not to do it. Like my GG friend said, basically they'd all bitch and stuff, but I think that would knock my confidence too much. A friend of mine said to me, "This isn't the place to do it," and I go along with that... there are too many closed-minded people who will be there, who would make my life at college even a lot worse because I came out or dressed in a dress for the formal.

My group of friends, though, I love and adore... and upon coming out to a couple more of them yesterday, (told you all I'd do something for TGs every single day, :p) I think no one would be incredibly surprised if I told them all - and would be quite accepting.

This is my plan! To come out to all my friends, so - in their company, I can be who I want to be.

Sorry to all get your hopes up, but I promise that pictures will arrive soon of when I'm out and about with my friends... I can do that at least... I know and believe it.

Thanks for all those replies... but the nays have it. There are just too many negatives to the repercussions.

xxx

[Stephanie Brooks]

Well Kimberly, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you gave it thought on both sides - yes and no. You've also got a cool GG friend!

*BIG WARM HUGGLES* to you.

[HaleyPink2000]

It's totally your choice!

Yes I'd go! No way would anyone make me not do it. I'd have the cutest dress of any of the girls and undies etc. I'd look like a fairy princess. Just the most wonderful person with the biggest smile all night.

But, at around 10:30 or 11 pm I'd leave for home. Let the drunks be what they want to be. I'd be in your dorm, home what ever by 10 or 11pm. Only reason is people get really weird after around 10 ish at parties. Idiots, you know the types. I'd have the biggest Limo and the nicest TG friendly company pick me up at the door. I'd leave word with the Company that they were to send a driver in a wonderful uniform to the door to fetch me from the prom, and escort me all the way to the car. Then GO HOME!

Your security in this is all the people around you and the hired car to there and then home. If He is to be your date then He needs to pick you up and then take you home before people get rowdy. Usually 10 or 11 ish is enough for any night out.

Oh the trans gender thing! Yeah I'd push that button in a heart beat. So what if you have a tag on you that says your a T person. Following simple rules in college helps. Be in at a reasonable hour at night. Keep your doors locked at home. Only go out when you need to. Gas costs loads of money these days. Go to the things you want to go to. But remember the ways of our culture about en femme men. Try to go to things with your friends in tow.
Other CD's or a GG etc. Even if you have to hire a car and driver its your safty that counts.

College years are to be fun. So don't miss out on things you want to go to.
But plan the trips well.

Haley:)

[Stephanie Mancini]

Kimberley, i hear your decision but i don't agree with it , your gg is so right when she says no one will touch you, with the support you seem to have i'd be out there giving it my best shot bigtime and to hell with the rest of them , you'll be there with your real friends the people who really matter in your life , so i say put on the dress and go have some fun, life's full of too many ifs, buts and excuses that prevent us from ever acheiving our true potential, so hero or zero the choice is yours?


Steph

[JoAnnDallas]

Here's my two cents. If your GG friends will stay with you durning the evening and you, they do not tell anyone that your a CD, they help with your outfit and makeup, I bet you will pass and have a great time. Then there will not be any gossip or talk afterwards. Unless you want everyone to know that your really a guy. Then all bets are off.

[DonnaT]

Kimberly, I don't agree with your decision either. 10 years from know you'll be regretting it.

Here's the deal. First, you say you don't consider yourself transgendered. Basically, from what I've read, this is because you've made no transitions and are not TS. I am a CD and consider myself to be transgendered. I have no desire to transition. In the UK transgendered legally covers all the range of CD/TV/TS etc.

Second, if you've got your classmates (English) giving you support already and if they are genuinely interested in your well being, if they will ensure you are not given a bad time, and if you really want to go enfemme, then go to the prom.

CDs with nerve do it in the states, even in high school. I imagine that it is also done in the UK, so you wouldn't be the first. Heck, there is probably at least one other TV in your school wanting to do the same and may even do so. If they do, how will you feel if you don't.

BUT, don't feel pressured to go. You initially indicated that you had no plans to go in the first place. So, don't use the excuse of worrying how others will feel/react, use your original excuse if it still holds true.

[susiej]

Kimberly,

It looks like you've already decided against this adventure. I *think* I agree with your decision, but -- it's really a tough call. In the ideal situation, my gawd, wouldn't it be fun :) !!!

In one of your answers in this thread, you said the college was somewhat right-wing. For me, the atmosphere of the college is the key question. A prom is a major social event, and everybody wants to have a good time. If you could go to the prom en femme and not cause much of a ripple -- "who's that cute girl in pink over there?" -- "oh, that's so-and-so, he's in my Literature class" -- "Oh, cool, he looks really pretty." -- hey, why not?

But, if your presence in a dress is going to be a big deal, unless you want to make a major political statement about rights of TV's to dress as they please, better chalk it up to a sweet fantasy, on a grand scale, as you appeared to have done.

Even if I were your age and had your cheekbones (and your, um, cheek :)), I'm not sure I could stay in character that long! Do you know how to dance backwards? In heels? In a floor-length gown?

Thanks for sharing your decision process with us.

Hmmm, does the college have other, less-formal dances later in the year ;) ?

Hugs,
Susie

[Bonnie D]

Yes, it is a very difficult decision to make. You probably won't get another opportuntiy to wear a gown because nothing with change from this prom to any other prom in later years unless there are more cds out by that time.

Next, all the girls in your class will be with dates, their guys may separate the girls from you. And they may not let you go to any after prom parties but then that may not be an issue with you.

Your date would have to be as brave as you and understand the consequences. Hopefully none of the consequences would be physical. Gossip, segregation to some degree are things that can be dealt with as long as you have a few real friends.

Living your life in fear or dictated by fear is not a way to live. You wouldn't be doing anything threatening by going to a prom dressed en femme. You will regret not going but regret can also be dealt with by doing other things such as going to a pub or party en femme. Of course not in a gown but skirts and dresses are fun too.

Your safety is my concern and you are the best one to judge that. If it's just verbal then go for it. I think you have a lot of support with your friends there as well as here.

Bonnie

[HaleyPink2000]

When your 50ish, will you do this?

When you have kids and 3 jobs will you do this?

When your 45 and the grand kids com along will you go do this then?

When your in the high rise will you go do this?

When your in the old folks home and no one but open stage musicians and church groups come see you, will you do this?

Answer, NO way!

Will you always think " Oh I wish I'd a done this or that". Oh yeah!

So Should you do this now. Oh yeah!

Just remember your security issues and things will be fine.

Haley:)

[Kimberly]

Jeez, you girls are right...

I'll think about this more over the weekend. I never ran from anything before, and I certainly won't run from this issue.

You've made me think twice, ladies... I may even do it.

Okay, it's a "maybe" now - I'll see what I think in the cold light of day. (It's about 1am, and I've had a few beers. :p)

Thanks for the support xxx

Ps. I'd just like to add - in my world, this is probably the worst place to come out to people about my dressing - so why not do it? If I've done the worst, the rest must be easier, right??

[freshfrankie]

Just do it. Do you want to go en femme Kimberly? If the answer is yes go for it. I'm 55 and came out to my wife of 25 years a few months back. I moved her into a condo in october and have never been happier. My kids are away in college,my dad died and my best and only real male friend dropped dead of a heart attck at 52 two months after my dad who I worked with for forty years. The friday before halloween I went about my normal routine dressed. The post office, the bank and delivered to about 7 of my accounts and had a ball. I did it again on Monday(Halloween) and everyone loved it. (differant outfit of course!)I even visited my Aunt Pearl in her Alzheimers unit. I'm sick of living in the closet. I delivered to some of my same customers this week and one man in the receiving department said"You look like ----.Wear that red dress next time. You looked hot". I would much rather be disliked for the person that I am than liked for the person I am not. I don't think you should worry about a college campus because that is the most liberal and accepting place to be. If a rugby player says you look a little too comfortable in those heels just reply "I have great balance" You do not need to explain anything to anyone. It's none of their business. Hold your head up and enjoy yourself. Hugs and kisses. Life is short,play hard! Don't wait until 55 to be yourself. It's no fun.

Love
Jeannie

[Jasmine Ellis]

Oh Kimberly darling. They have told you, this is your time so go for it and enjoy darling and good luck sweetheart, don't forget the pictures. :ukflag: :rose2:

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Kimberly,

I have never been in the exact situation, but after once going to a fancy dress party dressed as a girl, the host of the party a GG girlfriend (of one of my mates) was so thrilled at the way I looked, the next time she had a party she was insistent (as were 3 of her GG friends) that I go to the next party (a non fancy dress party) dressed as a girl.

Phew! let me tell you it was a night I will never forget because I did go and I did dress as a girl. I got lots of attention during the first couple of hours of the party mostly from GGs. My mate's girlfriend wanted to take me around to all of her friends and show me off. It was a fantastic (but nervous and exciting) time for me and I loved all the attention, not to mention the femme clothes and the strong feelings of femininity I was getting.

But be warned, this didn't last that long because as the night progressed I found that all the previously enthusiastic GGs has paired off with their boyfriends or other guys they had hooked up with and no longer "protected me" and also none of the guys I knew wanted to be their regular guy-selves around me, they just kept their distance, and so I found myself in a vulnerable position of being on my own completely dressed as a girl in a someone else's house surrounded by strangers. I couldn't even go home because it was my mate's girlfriend who had collected me from my house and took me to her house. Ok I could of taken a taxi but I didn't want to get into the taxi on my own dressed as a girl either. It would have been obvious I was a guy wearing girls clothes.

I had to stick it out until the end of the party when I got a lift home with some of the GGs who I shared a taxi with.

So my point is, unless you know that your GG friends are always going to be with you throughout the evening to "protect you" I would be careful about doing it. Then again on the other hand, what if you don't get another opportunity in life?....you might end up regretting it so bad.

Tricky decision +?

[Dayna]

Kimberly,

My first reaction was, "Oh to be in your shoes!" Indeed you have a great opportunity and I hope you decide to take advantage of it. Just remember, though, that you may not be able to put the genie back in the bottle!

Make sure that your girlfriends treat you with dignity and respect and have fun!

[Kimberly]

Okay, it's final.

Thanks to my parents caring comments, this is neither the time or place to come out to people. There's too much at stake to do it; thus it remains a fantasy!

(I'm gonna have a damn CD party anyway!!! woot!!! Bring on the gender bending. :p) xx

[Adele 2005]

Oh yeah, I forgot, when it comes to opinions "mother knows best"!

Enjoy your CD party!

[KathrynW]

Have you ever seen the movie "Carrie" where they got this girl to get all dressed and go to the prom? Then the rest of kids proceeded to humiliate her in every way possible. yeah, it's just a movie...but, think about this very carefully before you decide to do it.

[TxKimberly]

Take a deep breath, pause, and think about it. Your current longing, enthusiasm, and excitement are pushing you to do something that you MAY regret later. At one point in my TG growth, I felt very comfortable with who and what I was, and I came out to a few women at work. One of them basically freaked and was never comfortable around me again. I also have very good reason to believe that she shared my secret with many others that I would not have wanted to know. The moral of my story - I so much wanted to be 'one of the girls" that I made a decision that I regretted later.
So, don't know if you should, or should not, but I would encourage you to remember that you have to live with the consequences of what you do that night. While most people these days are a lot more open minded than they used to be (and one would hope a university would have more than the average) but there are still plenty of people out there that will treat you poorly after they find out.

Kim (apparently the heavy here)

[KathrynW]

there are still plenty of people out there that will treat you poorly after they find out.

Kim (apparently the heavy here)
No, you're not the heavy, Kim...
I personally think it's a terrible idea and could have really bad consequences.

[Megan_Renee]

Guys do this sort of thing all the time in the US. I read of one couple who attended a senior balls (prom like thing) cross-dressed in duct-tape clothing... The guy was wearing a duct-tape dress and the gal was wearing a duct-tape tux.

Megan

[Lisa Maren]

Hello Kimberly

Just my 0.02 but... about this being the time or the place... can you think of a safer place to come out? Would coming out at a public club be safer than a college dance? Yes? No? My vote's on no. Certainly, it's safer to come out to one friend at a time, but if you do decide to go out in public at some point, I think college is a safer place to start. It's certainly seems like a logical intermediate step between "one friend at a time" and "fully out in public".

Now, I'm certainly not suggesting that you spurn your parents' advice. My definition of "honoring your parents" is to honestly listen to their advice and give it due consideration but, honey, in the end the choice is yours, not theirs. Honoring them doesn't mean obeying them every time. (Don't get me wrong. I know that's not necessarily at all what you've been thinking about).

Knowing parents, they never want their kids to do the things their kids want to do because each generation has different limits. One must keep that in mind when hearing the parents' advice. Parents are always more traditional or conservative than their children -- even the liberal ones.

I do have one question for you. Which year are you? Sounds like you're not senior year yet? If not, then I have a proposition for you. Rather than scrapping the plan altogether, perhaps you could defer the plan to come out at the dance until your senior prom. At that point, if it all goes due south, so to speak, you're out of there soon after anyway. That way you can "fantasize" about it until then with your friends and maybe even win some of them over. You'll give yourself a chance to still go for the gusto and not have to feel like you caved -- you'll even feel like you were prudent! :D

I do have to admit I, too, wish I'd crossdressed when I was young and still 100% passable. I might still do okay were I to go out, but not like I would have then, I don't think. I even began writing short stories partly to function as, well, "surrogate memories" if you will. I truly feel that I missed out! But that's just me.

Anyway, a bit more fodder to mull over.

Hugs,
Lisa

[KathrynW]

can you think of a safer place to come out? Would coming out at a public club be safer than a college dance? Yes? No? My vote's on no. Certainly, it's safer to come out to one friend at a time, but if you do decide to go out in public at some point, I think college is a safer place to start.
oh yeah...really great advice from someone who lives in the SF Bay area. uh huh...

[Kimberly]

Okay... let's not start the flaming. :(

[KathrynW]

Okay... let's not start the flaming. :(
Point being...SF is one of the most "T" tolerant places on earth...geeeesh...;)

[Lisa Maren]

Apologies if I've offended. :)

I did all of my schooling after grade school in Massachusetts, actually, and my college years were spent right outside Boston. A bit more conservative, that place. Nevertheless, even over there I always felt that college events have things going for them like attendance only by invitation and prearranged transportation and things like that which provide for at least somewhat of a safer environment. Actually at my college gala there were ladies with buzzed hair wearing tuxedos and all sorts of things, so that's why I figured it might be a safer place.

I am always the first to admit I could be wrong.

Peace, everyone!

Hugs,
Lisa

[KathrynW]

Lisa~
You didn't offend anyone, at least not me. I simply thought the comment was a bit strange taking into consideration that you live in SF. :confuse:
I think it's pretty much a given that there's more tolerance on either West or East coast. Most of the midwest is a whole different story. As far as the UK, I have no idea.

[Kimberly]

Well, I have idea about the UK -- we don't talk about it much ;)

... okay, seriously: my college is INCREDIBLY conservative. The guys are rugby players and the girls go out with them, and it appears that's all there is to life. (Yeah... right...) It's a boarding school, but has sixth form attached.

Now, I don't think it's such a great idea... and I'm not going dressed. From posting on here and talking to my parents its not safe, and would probably destroy me emotionally from the social rejection from the general student body. Yes, my friends would remain my friends - I have no doubt of that - but the others there, who play rugdy and have girls kissing the ground they trample over, would surely make my life a living hell.

There are posts on this forum that say, no word of a lie: "To hell with everyone else, you express yourself how you bleeding well like!" Well I put my hands up, and say honestly without reservation: I am not strong enough to do that... yet.

University, especially a Drama College, would probably be a good place to come out to everyone at. And anyway, the plan is that I'm just honest with everyone since the moment I arrive, (and 4 suitcases of fem clothes with me!!)

Thanks for all your help on this issue, girls - but I missed the deadline for tickets/tables etc... I'm not going. full stop. (It's a load of messy brown stuff anyway - no booze, no good food....... no smiling. - heh. I wouldn't put it past them.)

xxx

[KathrynW]

Now, I don't think it's such a great idea... and I'm not going dressed. From posting on here and talking to my parents its not safe, and would probably destroy me emotionally from the social rejection from the general student body.
I think you've made a wise decision...;)

[paulaN]

I'm gald your not going. there will be other times and places in the future. And when the day comes there will be no dought about what to do.

[FaithElizabeth]

Are you going to look back on this and wonder if you should have done it. Was this one of the best oportunities and you missed it. If you did not have GG friends supporting you then I would say don't go, but you DO have gg girls who support you. Go girl, have a blast, damn the consequeces. I think all the time about times I could have, but didn't. Go for it what have you really got to loose? Some dumb boys making fun. Who cares what they think. You only live once, live with out regrets. If I was there I would go with you. Go and leave early with your girlfriends and have a great time. I hope you go, best wishes.

Faith

[KittyMuffin]

Hey Kim

I have to commend you for having the guts to even consider doing something of that magnitude. You have my respect! I had been too scared to Xdress even on Halloween.

[Kimberly]

I have to commend you for having the guts to even consider doing something of that magnitude. You have my respect! I had been too scared to Xdress even on Halloween.
Well, I'm going as Boy George to an 80s themed birthday party!! Friends are helping me with the make-up, coz his is extensive, and I've never done anything like it myself.

[HaleyPink2000]

Because of my Mother and Father many things in my life are not as good as they could have been. Also when parents, Hun, tell you don't, it's so there is no way in heck that you can get hurt. To be honest have you ever got on a skate board and fallen or something like that? Then Mommy said" I told you not to do that"!

Well it's the same here they are looking out for your well being on every level. Going out as a Female in this world is risky. Very much so! You have people that get into a rape situations etc. If your 19 and not able to defend your self, maybe you should think of self defense classes. Or if you Have worries about what Mary Jane or John Doe might say to everyone in your school of you. Then Don't do it.

But if your anything like some of the rest of us, It's like Who gives a *S* what others say. If it don't harm anyone or cause your paycheck to go down then so what? Do it. So much of my life was wasted by me worrying about what others might say. It's like this! On a Job site, If your the only good crane operator, they could give a darn what you are wearing. Your the one making them money. If your good at what you do Work and your grades are up at school then I don't see the problem? There are harassment laws in effect in almost every state in the Union. If someone does harass you they are going to jail.

None of us want to see you harmed ever. But think this through. It's your party and no one will harass you at it more than likely. It's as good as a Halloween party it sounds like.

Haley:)