i feel bad after?

[blacktights]

Hi

just been out in blacktights and denim short shorts and walked around my town for a good 30 mins. WOW IT FELT AMAZING, i even went into a supermarket and got a drink. i had no wig on or anything, just a hood. I came home and let it all out my system, ( ya no what i mean ) but i feel like it was a disgusting thing to do and i promise my self i wont do it again, why is this?

[STACY B]

Ohhhh yull be back ,,,,,LOL,,,,, Trust me,,,,,

[STACY B]

What you got to feel bad about ? Hell there your clothes rite ? An you didn;t hurt no one ,, So you wanna go out an test drive your new heels or clothes ,,, Go ahead an dont you feel bad about it ! Cuz I know I would ,, Power ,,,Dont ever give it away !

[Taylor186]

but i feel like it was a disgusting thing to do

Which part: going out or what you did when you got home?

[jackie k]

Hats off to you! Hell, I can't even get past my bedroom door. Don't know for you but for me I'm having a hard time getting past the shame and guilt. That's why I've become a member to this forum. So I can read the posts, talk to the girls. Who better to talk to than someone that's been there. Your ok, believe me.

[deebra]

Trust me, the urge will return and you'll do both again and come to accept both and enjoy them and even venture further, you will not want to go back.

[Tara D. Rose]

Hi

I came home and let it all out my system, ( ya no what i mean ) but i feel like it was a disgusting thing to do and i promise my self i wont do it again, why is this?

Ah, Blacktights, you are still very young. And what you did when you go home is something that I feel that a lot of us have done. And yes that does bring on shame and guilt. I was the very same at your age. And from that guilt and shame, it does trigger some of us to purge, or to throw it all away and to swear it away forever. It's sort of like cleansing ourselves from the shame we feel. I was like that at your young age. I felt like a sicko, really. I didn't have the internet way back in those times to help me understand what I was.

It's very good that you have this site now to help you learn why these feelings have come about you. I don't know if you have been crossdressing all of your life or if you are a late starter. Do you do it solely for the sexual arousal that cd'ing gives you, or do you feel the need and yearning to cross dress whether or not for sexual purposes? Like Stacy said, it will be back. It is something that so many of us have to learn to live with. I can give you one suggestion though, the next time you do cross dress, try not to do the "let it out of your system", I think that by not doing that can ease the guilt that you feel after a dressing session.
Love & Respec................Tara

[Eryn]

One thing that we often forget when we go out and want others to accept us is that we have to accept ourselves too. That is easier said than done, but it will happen eventually.

[Wildaboutheels]

Men are very visual by tens of thousands of years of EVOLUTONARY design.

That's WHY the vast majority of CDers are men. No mystery to it at all.

Not sure why you differentiate between going out and then coming home and "doing it" or staying home and doing it?

Of course I make the assumption you are not "hurting anyone" when out and dressed.

Also, IF someone does not like the way you or anyone else is "attired" out in the RW, they have the CHOICE to look in a different direction. It's not Rocket Science.

[Lara85]

I often feel exactly the same, it's such a crushing feeling and I don't know about you but I always vow never again. And again, like others Im yet to really leave the house.

[danielletorresani]

I always feel the shame after dressing up and pleasuring myself. Probably because while crossdressing feels nice, it's ultimately not part of the man I wish I was...

[audreyinalbany]

sounds pretty normal to me. I would make a bet that the majority of us spent years when we were younger pleasuring ourselves after dressing, and, in my case, quickly undressing myself after said activity was completed and feeling very ashamed. As the years have gone by, and the testosterone decreased, I find I I skip the 'pleasuring myself part and just enjoy the dressing. I also find I skip the feeling very ashamed part.

[Tina B.]

When I was young I was bothered by the same things, then I relized other young men where doing the same thing, except they used Playboy's centerfold, while I was playing dress up, but the ending was something very natural, and it's no big thing.
Don't beat your up over doing what comes natural, and there is nothing wrong with masterbation either.
Tina B.

[deebra]

Now lets look at this and use the senero as the glass being half full and not half empty. Blacktights is still very new to this, thus the feelings of guilt and shame. She said "WOW THE FEELING WAS AMAZING" now whats wrong with doing something that makes yourself feel good and adds a spark (in this case a lightning strike) to the everyday non-exciting daily routine. Coming home after such a happy and fulfilling "outing", why not use this "high" experience and the feminine attire to enhance pleasuring yourself and enjoying it in a female/male state of mind. To masterbate is normal, we all do it and dressed as a female the pleasure, excitement, fullfillment and satisfaction it brings us crossdressers can make the experience better than doing it witha partner. So Blacktights learn to accept it as not being wrong and enjoy this new found pleasure.

[Jorja]

Do not worry! It is normal to have the feelings of disgust with yourself after you have dressed or have been sexually satisfied while dressed. You have thousands of years of male influence in your DNA. From day one, you have always been told that boys don't do that, so you naturally are ashamed when you do. If you learn to accept that this is just the way you are put together. That this is what you like. That feeling of disgust will disappear.

[Kaz]

Several takes on what you posted here... disgusted with going out or 'the other'? Or disgusted with the whole thing? I still get these feelings sometimes, but they were more frequent when I was younger. I suspect that was because of a lack of acceptance... Accepting who you really are helps a lot... but the feelings are sometimes still there... you just get to learn to deal with them?

[femaletrouble]

Hi i was the same at your age i would spend hours afterward feelin guilty an would vow never to buy any more womens undies but within a few week the urge would return an i was pleasuring myself ect ect. 30yrs later an im stil pleasuring myself even more so, an i dont in the least now feel any shame on through acceptance an knowlegde do we have a better understanding of the feminine side of our personality.

[STACY B]

OMG,,,, Pleasureing Yourself ???? Yall need to STOP ,,,,, Your Embarrassing Me ,,,,, LOL,,,,,

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi BT's,Yes we know that you will not do it again--------------till the next time and there will be a next time.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

It's one thing to say you should just accept yourself, and quite another to make it happen. I agree with everything that's said here, yet I always have the same feeling afterward. It's like I can't wait to tear off the girl stuff. Many times I would try to force myself to not undress right away, but in those first few minutes, cd'ing seems at it's most undesirable. It's like a visceral response that I can't conciously control.

But then, somtimes just an hour later, its all woo hoo! Let's get dressed!

Again, glad to see so many that can relate. At least we are not alone.

[reb.femme]

It's one thing to say you should just accept yourself, and quite another to make it happen. I agree with everything that's said here, yet I always have the same feeling afterward. It's like I can't wait to tear off the girl stuff. Many times I would try to force myself to not undress right away, but in those first few minutes, cd'ing seems at it's most undesirable. It's like a visceral response that I can't conciously control.

But then, somtimes just an hour later, its all woo hoo! Let's get dressed!

Again, glad to see so many that can relate. At least we are not alone.


Yep, all the emotions I experienced in my early years, sexual arousal, climax, clothes off.
The web wasn't around when I was in my 20s, so lived alone with my little secret.

Fast forward to the present and not wishing to make light of your well expressed personal disgust, but for me now, the day I stop feeling sexual feelings about either me, my wife or women in general, will be the day I'm ready for the undertaker.

You are normal, with a healthy sexual appetite. The world will keep turning and you too will grow.....if you'll pardon the pun.

Rebecca x

[Lainie]

This alternation between thrill & shame is something I've felt too, and I think a lot of us here have. Big adrenaline rush, forbidden fruit, being naughty & getting away with it. Some of the appeal of CDing for some of us has been crossing the line & doing something you're not supposed to do. Natural to feel remorse during the let down afterwards, I guess, just as you would after hurting some one's feelings or taking some risk carelessly.

I've been through many many cycles like this. Eventually the feeling of naughtiness fades for a lot of us, and the remorse fades with it. Maybe we just get better at rationalizing. The fun can stay, though.

Fortunately, cross dressing doesn't actually hurt other people. Unfortunately, it can interfere with your relationships. Maybe instead of thrill/remorse, you should ask if you are becoming the person you want to be, and having the relationships you want to have.

[Stephenie S]

Probably because while crossdressing feels nice, it's ultimately not part of the man I wish I was...

Oh puleeeze. You think the Marlboro man doesn't masturbate?

[Tara D. Rose]

Well now ,,now that we are on the subject of ,,master.....well ....self pleasuring...., you know the truth is we all do it. The subject will come up at work at least once or twice a year. But here is one truth. just about all men will admit they have done it before, but they will never admit the last time the did it. That is a given rule. Well I'm going to break that given rule right now. I did that last night July 26th, in the dim lights with the help of my wife and a lot of imagination and some toys.

[Kate T]

Blacktights

Firstly I would suggest as others it is a perfectly normal and extremely common behaviour for a majority of CD's.
I suspect the reason for feeling "disgusting" is that whilst it is physiologically normal and no different to just about any other sexual fetish / philia, eventually it is essentially emotionally and socially unfulfilling.
What you are experiencing is generally termed AutoGynePhilia by the psychological community (AGP).
My impression from my own experience and from what I have read over various forums is that this sort of thing is related to the age of the person and their emotional acceptance of their own gender identity. The age thing is purely physiological, younger men have increased levels of testosterone and consequently much higher libido's that get aroused by various things. The second is the emotional level. As a Gender diverse individual comes to terms with their gender then they accept themselves more and so tend not to be trying to convince themselves that it is just a fetish or sexual thing.

[Sophia Claire]

Hi

just been out in blacktights and denim short shorts and walked around my town for a good 30 mins. WOW IT FELT AMAZING, i even went into a supermarket and got a drink. i had no wig on or anything, just a hood. I came home and let it all out my system, ( ya no what i mean ) but i feel like it was a disgusting thing to do and i promise my self i wont do it again, why is this?

If we're talking about the same thing, the reason is because you were coming down from an endorphine rush and depression, shame, guilt, etc. are perfectly normal when you do things differently. Don't feel bad, do it often enough and you get used to it.

[Barbara Ella]

BT, you are young, and experiencing things you perhaps never thought you would. I do not know who the man is that you think you should be, but the man you are is a wonderful person who can accept sharing a life with a feminine desire within, and recognizing that there are things this feminine presence needs to do, and the male presence will find so different that the arousal is expected.

Do not dislike the man for reacting this way. It is to be expected given your situation. Other men with no feminine side have to resort to extremes. There is no reason you cannot be the best man you can think of. Crossdressing does not change the man we are. Time will help you refine your perception. Give it time, and give yourself a chance. Enjoy the feminine experience.

Barbara

[Saffron]

Maybe it's the stress accumulated.

[deebra]

Blacktights, you posted this thread two days ago and have been given a lot of good advise on how there's nothing wrong with what you did and it's perfectly normal for we C.D.'s to enjoy the "wow" feeling of dressing and going out in public and topping it off with M.B. So after two days and a lot of reassurance from your fellow C.D.ers it's time for you to do it all over again and see how you feel. I'll bet the rent that the enjoyment and pleasure of going out dressed will still be there, you'll feel more at ease going out and masterbating afterwards "still dressed " and less guilt and more acceptance. It's not hurting anyone and just brings pleasure non C.D.ers don't experience, it's all good so just do it and by all means let us know how it turned out.

[Jorja]

it's all good so just do it and by all means let us know how it turned out.

That could be a sticky situation. :)

[Lucy Long Legs]

I always feel the shame after dressing up and pleasuring myself. Probably because while crossdressing feels nice, it's ultimately not part of the man I wish I was...

You are not doing anything wrong, Danielle!
We all know about "alpha males": if these exist then so do all the others right down to "omega males" which probably describes me. We have to learn to accept who we are and enjoy being that person. I used to feel guilt too as I thought I should be somebody else but that person does not exist in me. Crossdressing does feel nice to me because it satisfies my feminine side which is very strong but that does not make me a bad person and so there is no reason to feel guilty.