How important is acceptance to you?

[rebekkadg]

I can't help wondering sometimes how much effort I would take in feminization of my appearance if I was accepted publicly as female by all around me without going to such great lengths to disguise everything masculine about me. Would I go through as much effort? How much of the effort is for myself and how much is for the world around me? I know myself as female and I do need a certain amount of feminazation to make me feel good about myself but do I need as much if everyone accepts me as female without me looking the perfect part?

So I ask the question. If everyone accepted you fully as your gender without the bat of an eye about your appearance as the opposite sex from what goes with that gender how much stride would you take to change your body/appearance? Would it be the same? Do you need the as close as you can get to a female body to assert to yourself that you are female or is it mearly the avenue to acceptance for the world?

For myself I honestly can't say how much goes either way. I do want to look in the mirror and see what I know is on the inside. But at the same time I wonder how much of what I see is a reflection of what I think others see rather than what I would see if it was just me with no prejudice from the world. Would my imperfections be so glaring to me? I don't know.

[AllieSF]

Speaking as a CD who does go out a lot and interacts with strangers all the time with no negative incidents, I know that in my case it is definitely tolerance and many, many times acceptance of who I am as a human being, not just as to how I am presenting myself. I do not pass, but in my opinion, I generally present well in female mode, i.e. blend in. I prepare myself the same every time I go out from the point of view of makeup and accessories, varying the outfit as I want.

That being said, from a TS point of view that might not be enough over the long term, especially when one is way down that transition road. From what I have read here, it appears that most TS's would love to be able to blend right in to the world as a woman and live their life that way from dressing up, maybe occasionally, but more importantly to dressing down and doing everyday things, including work, without a lot of special extra effort. I see from that where FFS then becomes sometimes the more important of the two major surgeries.

I always like it when a TS is comfortable enough with themselves, their personality, character and looks, that the looks become secondary when trying to live themselves as themselves. I think in that situation one is better prepared and may have a better chance of successfully reaching their goals of just living as a woman (or a man in the FtM situation). If that makes any sense. I wish you luck.

[Badtranny]

I do not pass, but in my opinion, I generally present well in female mode, i.e. blend in.

Oh Allie, you present great when you're "en femme" and I'll betcha a dollar that you pass as well if not better than half of the people on this forum who brag about passing so well that women are jealous of them. I swear you gotta be an expert poo dodger around here.

Rebekka, I feel similar to you on this one. I don't need to do anything to feel feminine, I always feel "feminine", I just want to be attractive. I also have to agree that much of my effort is focused on appearing as female as possible so the rest of the world sees me as a female and treats me accordingly. I don't think how I see myself will ever change very much.

[Inna]

You are asking a doubled edged question without the answer. If society would be blind to gender specific character, in turn making gender non-polar, then transgenderism would simply not exist.
However, gender differentiation does exist and so humans developed quite a keen sense of visual perceptiveness towards one, the other and out of context, not-fitting, non-conforming in between option, which really isn't an option at all, but automatically placed in the weird bin.

In fact, our brain throughout tenths of thousands of years of evolution was coded to recognize, very well, only two genders! There was simply no Third, or Other option. We are now entering the age of evolutionary flux, where since few thousands of years encient, however seem more advanced, civilizations did recognize third variant.

Anyway, long story short, I am one of those clear complicated cases, lol, I knew I was way closer to the girls then boys at age 6-7 and lived my entire life with such knowledge hidden deep beneath conscious rigors of conforming fist.
I did absolutely everything to achieve absolute passability, and am still chasing the illusive "wholeness", I know it will end, and end it will soon, just few tucks here and there and I will truly be fine phisically. BUT, emotional part of accepting self as not just passable but natal woman will probably take years if not decades to achieve.

[Aprilrain]

The endless need to keep up the battle against my own bodies maleness drove me mad. I couldn't wait to have FFS so that makeup was no longer a necessity. The laser I had done on my legs and bikini area were for my peace of mind and I really hate shaving everyday. how many people will ever see our vaginas? so if its all for passibility why bother with the most desired surgery amongst TSes which few people will ever see? My vote is that all of the body feminization is for me and in the process i get the social feminization.

[kristinacd55]

I'm accepted fully when I go out, but I don't go out a lot. I've never had anyone say, "hey ur a man baby!".....but that being said it's all in your head whether you feel confident about being out. If you have the confidence, doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks!

Going out tonight! yahooie!

[melissaK]

As Inna points out, our species has two sexes. Its generally accepted it confers an adaptive advantage. http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2004/10/06-04.html So, we are to a significant degree, hard wired to take advantage of that sexual dimorphism and to operate in a two sex world. We discern good mates through visual, audio, and olfactory cues. (visually men are taller and bigger, narrower hips, no breasts, and hairier bodies; sound wise they have deeper voices; and smell wise their pheremones are different, created by different hormones).

Culturally I am raised in the US and my culture teaches me we enhance the sex differences via particular form of dress and cosmetic appearances. (Women wear dresses, shirts that button on the wrong side, they shave their legs, they wear make up, they wear floral perfumes, etc.; men wear pants, different shirts, different scents, etc.)

I "think" I am a woman. My mind has been saying that to itself my whole life, and a lifetime of cultural conditioning hasn't gotten it to change this belief. So, when I look into the mirror, or when I watch myself move, or listen to myself talk, I judge my own femininity by all the visual cues my culture has taught me apply to a woman, and I use all the biological markers my genes have wired me to recognize.

So, back to Rebekka's question, if others stopped looking for these cues in me, would I stop looking for them in myself? For the culturally based cues, probably so. I could unlearn them. (for example, I'm old enough to recall in my youth a hot chick wore a poodle skirt, and today a hot chick wears spaghetti strapped clingy fabric.) As for the cues that likely have a biological basis - presence of breasts, lack of a penis, presence of a vagina, I think it would probably be impossible. April discusses this in her post as part of why some physical changes are important to her.

I liked the topic Rebekka.

hugs,
'lissa

[Inna]

Women wear dresses, shirts that button on the wrong side............................................

ahhhhhmmmmmmmmm, The right side!!!! :facepalm: :D

[Traci Elizabeth]

I pass as female without anything including make-up. Nevertheless, I only have my surgeries for me. No one else. I could care less what others think of me.

99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 % of the world's population don't know me, and I don't know them, so why on earth would I care what they thought? Or worse, have surgical procedures so they would not question my gender! Crazy, just crazy.

It just amazes me how many women worry about what others (mostly complete strangers) think of them! Your life is not about the masses being happy with you but you being happy with yourself.

[Jorja]

It is human nature to look as good as we possibly can. The desire to blend in to society is one of the things that drives us to be our best. That being said, I have known girls who "pass" without exception. You can not tell that they are not female (even their voice). I have known girls that are definitely a ""man in a dress" at 100 yards. They could not fool a blind person in the dark. Strangely enough, most of the time, the "man in the dress" is far and beyond more believable that the girl that is perfect. Learn to relax and just enjoy your time being femme. Don't spend so much time worrying if you "pass". Spend your time on being a good quality person. You will get along much better.