i want to be done.

[Soccer21]

i dont knwo what it is, or why, but the ffeling of not wanting to do it anymroe is overcoming the feeling of wanting to do it. most of the time. and i feel that i really do want to give it up and be done with it. can anyone please help me with this? anything at this point would help!

[BRANDYJ]

First, I have to assume you mean giving up on cross dressing and not cigarettes or alcohol. It's not unusual for us to have those feelings. That's why you hear about and read about others purging;some more then once over time. You have not accepted yourself and are perhaps going through feelings of guilt and shame. Again, not uncommon. Just go with your feelings. Give it up for a while or forever if you can. Most will tell you it's not gonna go away forever. So if you have a lot invested in clothes, makeup and wigs, don't throw them away. Just pack it all up and store it in a place that makes it troublesome to get back out, such as a storage unit some distance from your house. Just don't be hard on yourself whatever you decide. I wish you luck.

[Beverley Sims]

First, I have to assume you mean giving up on cross dressing and not cigarettes or alcohol. It's not unusual for us to have those feelings. That's why you hear about and read about others purging;some more then once over time. You have not accepted yourself and are perhaps going through feelings of guilt and shame. Again, not uncommon. Just go with your feelings. Give it up for a while or forever if you can. Most will tell you it's not gonna go away forever. So if you have a lot invested in clothes, makeup and wigs, don't throw them away. Just pack it all up and store it in a place that makes it troublesome to get back out, such as a storage unit some distance from your house. Just don't be hard on yourself whatever you decide. I wish you luck.

I can not offer any better advice.
Don't purge your wardrobe but put it in a safe place.
Times and situations change, I remember Iwent out with a girl for 9 months once and did not dress in that time.
It was the longest I have ever gone without changing.
The girl went one way and I moved on and found dressing came back.
Try to banish the guilt feelings as they only serve to destroy you psychologically.
You will eventually find your niche in life and be at peace with yourself.

[BLUE ORCHID]

I see your age is very young you may have these feelings off and on
but it will probably get stronger tom dress as you get older.

[Cynthia Anne]

I understand the way you feel! I use to be the same way! Once you realize it's never going away completely you will feel better about yourself! I agree with the the ones above! Good luck!

[Mollyanne]

The only thing I can suggest to you is to see a therapist (a good one) and sort this out. Not to worry though, there is a strict confidentiality surrounding this.

Molly

[jillleanne]

Those feelings are as normal as the rising sun and you will experience them many more times in your life. Find something to occupy your time with to keep your mind off dressing up. Stash your femme things away somewhere for later use if and when required. Most of us have wanted to quit this femme thingy but to no avail longterm. It usually comes back with a vengeance. If what I say holds true, something/someone will trigger an internal mechanism within you and you'll be gitty with laughter opening that stash for another round of femme expression. The secret to it all is acccepting who you are and knowing it is an integral part of you and learning to manage it at a level you are happy with.

[suzy1]

One of the best lessons you can learn from coming to this forum is that it’s almost certain that your need to cross dress is not going to go away.

So the next thing to think about is why you want to ‘give up’ The most common reason for trying to stop seems to be guilt. Thinking that it’s somehow wrong to C.D. Some are just brought up to believe this and some feel guilty because of religious beliefs.

Until you work out what’s going on in your mind over this you will never be truly happy.
I have always promoted the good side of C.D.ing. I am happy and satisfied with my Suzy side. And what’s so nice about it for me is as the years go by I become happier with my feminine side.

I hope you too will get to accept and enjoy this very special side of your life.

All the best,

SUZY

[Millie]

Hi Ladies
Been a while since I've been here. For the last couple of months I have not felt like being Millie. I think all of us go through a time when we just want to be our male self for a time. I've felt this way in the past. I am starting to dress up again. I never get rid of my things when I don't feel like being Millie. I've made that mistake in the past. I hope you don't get rid of your ala femme things, because you will want to go back. I am very comfortable being a female and a male. I also know that you probably will feel the same. Good luck.

[BRANDYJ]

The only thing I can suggest to you is to see a therapist (a good one) and sort this out. Not to worry though, there is a strict confidentiality surrounding this.

Molly

Mollyanne, I see no reason to see a therapist. What soccer is going through is a very normal and usual thin many, if not most of us have gone through. With any self awareness at all, we can work our way out of most internal battles as small as this issue is. When a problem has gone on for years and is interfering with daily life with either an SO or your job, thjen yes, maybe a therapist is in order. Not in this case is my opinion on such a common minor issue.

[Marlana]

Soccer 21, put everything away or throw it away if it makes you feel better. You can always buy new clothes if the feeling re-appears. It may go away for a long time. For me, it went away for 7 years. I just got to busy to take the time out to dress. I will say that the feeling did come back and being older and wiser, I was able to decide what was right for me. So do what you feel you have to do, purge or pack it, and see what happens. Nothing is written in stone. Just my opinion, for what it's worth.

[TGMarla]

Good luck with it, S. I understand how you feel. It grows on you after a while, and the day to day wrestling match with "should I or shouldn't I?" gets tiresome. Like with alcohol or drugs, take it one day at a time. Each day, make the decision that is best for you. If that decision is to NOT dress, go with it, and move on. After a time, the cravings will grow less and less, and make it easier for you to walk away.....without wearing heels.

[Tina B.]

Wish I could help you with that, I have quit for the same reason more times than I would like to remember. Once, I even stopped for five years, no I've never found away to stop forever. I did solve my problem though, I quit trying to quit!
I don't believe I ever volunteered to be across dresser, I believe I was drafted, and it happened very Early in my life, I've dressed since I was a little kid, a few years here and there that I didn't but I've always been drawn back for one reason or another. For me it's like being a spaceship that Gets to close to a planet with a strong gravitational pull, it gets a hold of me and pulls me into it, and it is not within me to resist the pull. Not sure of your age, but I know it took me into my mid Thirty's before I ever started to get over the guilt, shame, and embarrassment of being a cross dresser, Then I realized this is who I am, and it's not going to change, trying to stop doing it might make others happy, but it makes me miserable, so I stopped hating on myself, learned to enjoy that part of me, and completely gave into it and let it take me where it would. For me, having an accepting wife, I've found that I am happy in my closet, and dressing when I can, which is often. Most of my world still doesn't know, and I see no need to tell them, the wife is happy with me as I am, I'm happy with who I am, and the rest, like the guy in me they know. But if you do find away that works for you, I hoe you share it, there are others looking for it too, not me, but there are others here that feel as you do.
Tina B.

[Soccer21]

My reasons to stop are many. Some are my own. Some are because of my SO. She has been as supportive as one could ask. In fact one time we both dressed up and she did my make up. And another time we dressed up. No make up. We have talked extensively about it. And i have been battling this for years in my own head. I don't own any of my own things. No wigs nothing. I used to but I purged years ago. It's just something I feel like I need towns want to stop doing. There are urges still. It even when the urges come. Part of me still thinks I don't want to. I don't have a female side. I have never really wanted to go out and pass as a girl. It's only ever been a behind closed doors just me thing.

[Marlana]

So keep it that way. Don't dress with your SO if she asks. Just so no thanks. I'm good. Only dress when she's not around and see how that makes you feel. You may only need to do it once in a while to keep the need in check and still be a happy man.

[TeresaL]

i dont knwo what it is, or why, but the ffeling of not wanting to do it anymroe is overcoming the feeling of wanting to do it. most of the time. and i feel that i really do want to give it up and be done with it. can anyone please help me with this? anything at this point would help!
Google or search "stop cross dressing.". You will get help there.

[Lynn Marie]

First, I have to assume you mean giving up on cross dressing and not cigarettes or alcohol. It's not unusual for us to have those feelings. That's why you hear about and read about others purging;some more then once over time. You have not accepted yourself and are perhaps going through feelings of guilt and shame. Again, not uncommon. Just go with your feelings. Give it up for a while or forever if you can. Most will tell you it's not gonna go away forever. So if you have a lot invested in clothes, makeup and wigs, don't throw them away. Just pack it all up and store it in a place that makes it troublesome to get back out, such as a storage unit some distance from your house. Just don't be hard on yourself whatever you decide. I wish you luck.

Listen to Brandy, she knows what she's talking about. Don't make such a big deal out of this. Take up another hobby to keep your mind occupied. People who quit smoking often eat more. Nice clean lungs and brand new saddlebags! You're obsessing over nothing, just wait until you have a couple of closets full of dresses and the spare bedroom full of heels. Now that's a problem.

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think anyone can help u, Soccer. U need to work it out yourself! However, the advice posted here may be useful!

I suggest u dress when u feel the desire and try to forget about dressing the rest of the time! If u DON'T give in to the dressing urges, it could make your life MORE DIFFICULT! And, don't EVER throw your things away!

[daphne_pynk]

I've felt like doing the same thing many times but i haven't yet cuz i'm cheap and i just feel like i'm throwing money away. some days i want to get an icecream scooper and just scoop dressing out of my body and be done with it. when i'm dressed up i don't act any differently either i feel like its just another part of me. Therapy really really helped me. Dressing is sometimes a band-aid to much deeper issues and sometimes one needs help to search for the source. when i did find the deeper issues 90% of the guilt left me and i feel so much more free to be me..what ever that entails.

if nothing else its good just to talk about it with a real person that's not to close to the issue like an SO.

[TeresaL]

If you really want to quit, trade SOs with me. You will be hound dogged day and night, she will approach with headlights off to catch you, you will go to sexual addicts annonymous, and many many shrinks, she will tell your parents and all relatives. Then, if if she even suspects you have tried on girlie things, she will interrogate you eveytime you walk into the room. And if you confess, she will keep you up all night yelling and screaming at you.

This trade is in joking, but makes some margin of sense since I don't want to quit -- and you do. Also, I'm trying to keep from being abusive, which I have been successful in. LOL. The things I said though are true, and my SO will testify to it. Worse than that too, I just don't have the heart or stomach to tell all.

That's the difference between a 1971 vintage marriage and one of recent. We who were born in the 1940s are ignorant of inclusiveness and tolerance. It's so bad that even divorce is taboo.

But one big question: Why have you come to a support site for cross-dressing if you want to quit? We will just tell you it's not possible.

[sterling12]

The fact that you can't even put a "name" on your crossdressing, can't seem to use that word in your sentences is probably pretty indicative of your bigger problem. I sense an extraordinary load of guilt! And, I have no doubt you want to quit the whole thing TODAY. Ah, but next week, or next month, you'll want to do it again, and you'll feel even more guilt!

Do you understand that over The Course of Time, your desires will change? The desire to dress.....It might go up, but seldom goes down. And the logical thing to do, as others have advised, and will continue to advise, is acceptance of yourself. Your not a bad person because you want to dress. Your just you! You accomplish the work of self-acceptance, you won't have to go through all these "guilt trips" if or when you feel those urges again. You spend all your time with guilt, want to mentally beat your self up, it can become exhausting. You set yourself up for a real big bout of clinical depression.

If your really bugged about it? See A Shrink! But, be sure it's a Shrink who is trained in Gender Issues, otherwise you get somebody who wants to use your money to experiment, and try to learn how to "cure you." Ultimately, whether you go The Counseling Route or not, you will get The Advise: "You have to learn how to accept yourself!" So, we have come full-circle. Stick around here, learn, keep an open mind, and we save you a lot of expense, and get you to your objective faster.

Stop The Guilt....you get to quit acting crazy!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[ReluctantDebutant]

Giving it up? Well that's probably impossible to do. It can be managed however. You can get control of it. It will never go away completely but you can get it to where you feel in control. The first step is to accept your cross-dressing. Next you need to explore why you cross-dress and why you don't want cross-dress. Leave no stone unturned leave no dark shadow unexplored. Once you better understand what makes you cross-dress the more empowered you will be. You sound like you're already on your way in this process when you stated that you don't have a feminine side and that you like to stay in the closet. Understanding more things like this will put you in better control. It is also good to read this board and to compare and contrast yourself and your style of cross-dressing to the others here. Learning from others can help you learn more about yourself. As many have said here that cross-dressing does not make you a bad person this to is a good reminder to help keep yourself on the right track. One thing I learned about myself is that my desire to cross-dress grows when I'm alone and bored. I try not to stay alone or board for too long. When the urge to cross-dress becomes too strong just cross-dress, get it done, and get it over with. Never beat yourself up. Don't feel ashamed. Don't feel guilt. When you start to feel those feelings try to turn them into constructive criticism. Just accept that you did it you got what you needed and now it's over you can move on till the next time.

[Lainie]

People here say, "The desire always comes back, & is irrestible"
People who didn't experience the return of desire, or who let it ebb away, don't visit this site.

So, stop visiting here. Make a list of why you don't want to do it. Keep the list & throw away the clothes. Stop telling yourself you're a CD. CDing is something people do, not who they are. If you don't, you aren't.
We wish you all the best.

And if later you change your mind, we will welcome you back with sympathy & appreciation.

[ReineD]

Google or search "stop cross dressing.". You will get help there.

... ONLY if you are a transvestic fetishist (dress strictly for sexual relief) AND doing this is frequent enough to get in the way of your marriage, your job, other aspects of your social life, etc. There are such people and I dare say they don't have gender issues so much as fetishes that are out of control (not unlike a heavy porn addiction for a non-CDer that makes it difficult for him to concentrate on work and have sex with his wife without the porn).

If you do not fall in the above category, the "stopcrossdressing.com" site is not for you. It is a site intended for a specific minority of people and the blog owner is very clear about this.

Edit - I agree with Brandy. If you are struggling with guilt or shame over the need to express femininity, this is rather normal in the beginning and please don't beat yourself up over your needs. Just give yourself permission to not CD when you don't want to, but also allow yourself to CD when you need to express yourself. You say you don't own any femme things. If you did, I'd also suggest putting them in a box high up on a shelf until such time as you lose some of the shame and guilt associated with the CDing.

... and spend some time reading other threads on this site from everyone: the CDers and the GGs. Hopefully soon you will see that it is possible to CD and live a happy life.

[Karren H]

Its not like you really have a say so in this! and the sooner you realize that and accept yourself for who you are and what you like to do the less torment your going to put yourself through... you do have to know why or you don't have to even like it you just need to accept it... then life gets a lot more fun.......

[TeresaL]

i really do want to give it up and be done with it. can anyone please help me with this? anything at this point would help!

Why are you on this site? It should be clear by now that we support the transgender scene and very few if any of us want to quit. I for one do not want to quit, and will not quit. You need to go elsewhere for information on quitting.
------------
The author on STOP contradicts himself:
http://stopcrossdressing.com/reflection/what-caused-us-to-crossdress-from-the-beginning/
-------------
His contradiction is that he elsewhere refers to it as fetish. Clearly he needs more research on terminology, at least, he should be consistent. IMO, he is riddled with guilt and a victim of evangelical, discriminating thinking.
-------///

You asked for help.
Now OTOH, you are more than welcome to stay here. We will help you find that woman within. LOL

[Amy Fakley]

I've been lurking here for a long while and just finally made myself an account last week. I saw this thread and just had to make my first comment.

Dude, I feel you. I've been there so many times I can't even count.

I did the math in my head the other day ... since I started this around 9, I've been dealing with it like 27 years. For 25 of those years I absolutely hated myself, and this "dirty little thing I do behind closed doors". Growing up in a stern, fundamentalist right-wing-nutty family in the deep fried south didn't help. There's so much crap tangled up in my head surrounding this issue, it's no wonder it took me nearly a quarter century to get right with myself. I suspect you may have similar feelings at play.

A key point of understanding for me was the realization that I am my body. This brain, your brain ... it is a bucket full of chemical reactions, and it's not even the best chemical reactions, it's just those selected over the millennia to keep you alive long enough to reproduce ... that is, random ones that worked good enough. That's just natural selection at work (no matter where you fall on the evolution "issue", you can't deny that much).

You are not a perfect being who failed to meet some moral test, or who encountered some chance example of unsound parenting, and is thusly irreparably fouled in some way.

I firmly believe that we crossdressers, tansfolk, etc are exactly what nature intended to produce.

The arbitrary prototypes of "male" and "female" gender are out of sync with the natural world, that is all. One of the foundations of human intelligence is the ability to generalize, which is to say ... to discard detail, so that we can make decisions. Details like the fact that there are a lot of people between the rigid definitions of "female" and "male" gender. It's no surprise that our imperfect societies can't deal with it. Time (maybe a loooong time) will deal with that problem, eventually. Welcome to the bleeding edge of human evolution! :-)

Hey man, if you wanna quit, you should try.
If it makes you happy not to crossdress, then heck, don't do it :-)

You may legitimately find that you no longer need or want to, and that's perfectly cool if you don't. Like many, many others who have commented here and in other forums you'll find all over the internet, you may find that it's something you feel you need to continue doing on some level. That's completely ok too, it's not a failing, it's just who you are.

As for myself ... Crossdressing is to me as Weed is to snoop dogg: "hey man, I already quit like 6 times today", LOL.

Find yourself, then accept yourself.
Peace, Love, Unity, Respect

[busker]

i dont knwo what it is, or why, but the ffeling of not wanting to do it anymroe is overcoming the feeling of wanting to do it. most of the time. and i feel that i really do want to give it up and be done with it. can anyone please help me with this? anything at this point would help!

It is possible to give it up even having a desire to do it. alcoholics do it every day. Cigarette smokers do it every day. Few are born with addictions to drink or drugs but brain chemistry can be overwhelming sometimes.
Most here will tell you that it will haunt you every day and that we are born this way. The referees are still working on that call.

I used to smoke and every once in a while I think about it. I stopped overnight 15 years ago (before I knew I had cancer) --but I didn't QUIT. some years later I developed lung cancer,lost a lung, and every once in a while,I get a craving to light up, but I enjoy living (and have lots yet on my bucket list) --such as it is--to start up again, so I just enjoy the aroma when my lady friend smokes. Put your clothes away, put a value on your life that dressing would diminish, and start your life anew. If, in the future, things are different, you may want to "light up" again. But then, the choice will be yours.
Best wishes in your new life.

[ReineD]

Why are you on this site? It should be clear by now that we support the transgender scene and very few if any of us want to quit. I for one do not want to quit, and will not quit. You need to go elsewhere for information on quitting.


Teresa, it is very clear that YOU do not dress for fetish and you do not want to quit. That's fine. However, there are people who do, they don't all dress for fetish, and they've come here for advice before. ALL the members on this site are completely free to respond to such inquiries as they will, and it is not up to YOU to determine who should stay here and who should go elsewhere, nor is it your priviledge to speak for everyone else.

The author of the blog you keep wanting to refer Soccer21 to, considers himself a transvestic fetishist. If you disagree with this author, you need to go directly on his site and argue with him there and not in Soccer21's thread. There is nothing in Soccer21's post that indicates he would have anything in common with the author of the blog at stopcrossdressing.com.

However, IF Soccer21 decides to read the blog that you've referred him to, he knows about it now and surely he's old enough to come to his own conclusions, don't you think?



You asked for help.
Now OTOH, you are more than welcome to stay here. We will help you find that woman within. LOL

It is not up to you to determine that Soccer21 wants any different type of help that he has stated in his OP. And it certainly is NOT up to you to determine who is welcomed here and who is not.

[DaphneGrey]

I think if you really feel the need to stop you can. Just be sure you understand the reasons you want to. People can and indeed do change who they are for various reasons. It is not easy and more often than not many fail. But humans with the right motivation can overcome instinct. It is one of the things that separates us from animals. We can overcome anger, fear, addiction, etc etc ..... So if your reasons to want to stop are strong enough and you are committed enough you can do it. I would try and figure out what it is you are looking for.

I will share some personal info. I used to tell myself the same things. I have no desire to go out, I don't have a female name etc... I hid from those for a long time . I have no choice but believe you as a matter of fact I do believe you believe those things and they may indeed be correct in your case. Or at the very least correct right now. And right now how you feel right now has to be the basis for any decisions you might make. But don't do anything to drastic.

Just put it away if you need to. If the desire comes on strong after a long hiatus look at it again. Take stock in what is going on in your life as the desires come and go. That will help you understand motivation in many cases.

What ever happens don't beat yourself up either way. There are all maker of people here on the forum, friends, Therapists, even clergy if that works for you that can help you through your struggles.

[Voulez-Vous]

I hope you too will get to accept and enjoy this very special side of your life.


very special side of your life??? what???

[CINDYO]

and you are not happy about this? I do not get it, most crossdressers say it there was a pill to take to cure the compulsion, they would down a bottle. enjoy being normal

[suzy1]

very special side of your life??? what???

Some C.D.ers see it very differently. To them it’s something they do not get pleasure from but a curse and I am sorry if that is your experience of C.D.ing.
I presume it’s because of guilt or the problems that C.D.ing brings to family and friends.

But to many like me it is something special. And I think we that enjoy our feminine side are in the majority. I do hope so.

[Barbara Ella]

If you are meant to give it all up, you will. If on the other hand, for some reason unbeknownst to you or us, you are never meant to drift away from the life of cross dressing, you will continue. Maybe only sporadically, but you will continue just as many many of us have, until the realization that this is something within you. Only you will know hoe deeply it is part of you. Sexual activities may start at first, and not please you. You lmay come back later, and not have the sexual drive, no way of knowing.

The key is not to beat yourself up over this. Just go with your feelings, and if they tell you to stop, you should stop. Purge or not, your decision. Just be happy with it. Likewise, if you find yourself coming back to female clothing, do not beat yourself up over it. Do what your heart/mind feels at the moment, and embrace it until you are told/feel you must do something different. It is a terrific up and down existence we live. Just don't get unhappy with yourself for living it.

Barbara