We got into a little fight.

[zorianacd]

My wonderful wife and I got into a fight last night over crossdressing. I've bought a lot of items over the past 6 months and it's raised some red flags in her eyes. It doesn't help that I also have rather expensive tastes but that's what I like. And as superficial as it sounds, I get a high from being able to fit into the same designer labels and shoes that celebrities wear. Anyway, we talked it out and I realized that she is more tolerant than accepting. The point she raised is, "Where does this end?" Buying stuff for Zoe can go on forever potentially. I didn't tell her, but I am reaching a bit of a saturation point as far as things to buy and I think I'm more discriminating in what I buy now than I was before. Through trial and error, I know what works for me. I'm just rambling at this point. But I realize that crossdressing doesn't stop for most of us and there may not be such a thing as an accepting spouse. Thoughts?

[STACY B]

You better be buying her some stuff ,,, Dont forget woman want to get things to ,, So Im just saying ? I try an keep it even with my SO,, So it dont look one sided.

[Karren H]

If your a bazillionair then spend spend spend.... but if you are impacting your family's economic future then you have a definite problem.... Tollerance can flip to loathing real quickly.... then you can let your lawyers sort out what went wrong.....

[Beverley Sims]

If you are slowing down now try to be a little faster at it.
Yes include your wife in your spending.
Buy her something or let her buy something of her choice.

[Marleena]

IDK your wife does have a really good point here. Are you hanging out with celebrities? You can buy look a like outfits much cheaper than what the big names charge. I always look for sales and rarely spend over 30$ for any clothes.

[Laura912]

Relative to some here, you are fortunate that she is at least tolerant. There is a fine line between tolerant and rant. Be careful. Marleena and Karren make good points.

[STACY B]

IDK your wife does have a really good point here. Are you hanging out with celebrities? You can buy look a like outfits much cheaper than what the big names charge. I always look for sales and rarely spend over 30$ for any clothes. 30 $ BUCKS !!! Thats RICH folk talk !!

[Julogden]

Sounds like you may be experiencing the dreaded pink fog. Time to hit pause and take a hard, honest look at what you're doing. Keep that wonderful wife in mind at all times. You need to take her into consideration with everything you do, including buying things.

There are indeed accepting spouses, even supportive, encouraging and enthusiastic spouses, but they won't be that way if they're excluded and/or ignored.

Carol :hugs:

[STACY B]

See this thread has LITTLE to do with CDing !! You could an would get into this fight about ANYTHING this is about Spending to much,,,, You got it ,,,The ol EVIL MONEY !!!!

[BRANDYJ]

You say more tolerant then accepting. Sounds like to me, that even the tolerance can go out the window if you don't stop spending money on clothes...expensive clothes at that. Of course I have no clue as to what your income is nor the amount of disposable income. But I think it's time to spend a lot more on your wife then you do on yourself. When's the last time she bought an expensive dress, or got an expensive gift from you for no reason other then you wanted to give her a high for herself. All of us can get so caught up in spending on ourselves that our wives or SO's begin to feel neglected and left out. Your wife brings up a good point, where does this end? Does it end with what you thought was acceptance reduced to tolerance to resentment of your frivolous ways when it comes to Zoe? To me, designer clothes are a huge waste of money unless you are going out in public in them and feel you need them to look your best. Grossly over-priced, nothing really special about them other then a name on the label. I don't like to be taken for a fool by anyone. That includes the snobby fashion industry. I'm glad I can get my high in a whole outfit that cost less then $100.00.

I disagree about the accepting spouse. There is such a thing and I've been married to two fantastic women that accepted, tolerated and even enjoyed some aspects of my being a crossdresser. My present SO is also very much more then tolerant. She is accepting, understanding and also enjoys me crossdressed. But I never let my buying habits get out of control wasting money on designer clothes to hang in the closet. Not one of my past relationships or my present one ever asked where'e it gonna end. If you don't change, it could end up as a relationship about to go down hill and end. I know I sound harsh, but I am in hopes you are intelligent enough to see the error of you ways and think more of your wife. My intent to to help you see it as an approaching storm and save your marriage.

[wife stephanie<3]

Buying stuff is an issue I have with my husband. HE can buy a lot of stuff for his hobbies and they are not cheap things. This usually leads to a snowball effect with buying stuff. SHE hasn't bought a whole lot yet. I want him to have the world, but there are things I want for myself and for our children. I agree with Karren if you have a lot of money, by all means, spend. But if you live comfortably, limit yourself. Like Marleena said, look for cheaper clothing on the sales rack. There are other options: you could even save up and not buy something for a month or so and get yourself something really nice and cherish that for a while or cut back on other things you like since you have more expensive taste. As a rule of thumb, classic pieces last longer. Buy things that only look good on you. Don't compromise on this. Since you know what you like more or what works for you, keep those clothes and maybe try to sell the others that don't look so good somewhere. These are principles that I stick to. I love nice things too, but I sacrifice so my husband and children can have the things that they want. Try to see if your wife is doing the same thing. If she is, just try to put yourself in her shoes a bit. She might get jealous if you have more clothes than her or if you spend more than her on your clothes, when she is not afforded that option.

[linda allen]

Buying stuff is an issue I have with my husband. HE can buy a lot of stuff for his hobbies and they are not cheap things. This usually leads to a snowball effect with buying stuff. SHE hasn't bought a whole lot yet. I want him to have the world, but there are things I want for myself and for our children. I agree with Karren if you have a lot of money, by all means, spend. But if you live comfortably, limit yourself. Like Marleena said, look for cheaper clothing on the sales rack. There are other options: you could even save up and not buy something for a month or so and get yourself something really nice and cherish that for a while or cut back on other things you like since you have more expensive taste. As a rule of thumb, classic pieces last longer. Buy things that only look good on you. Don't compromise on this. Since you know what you like more or what works for you, keep those clothes and maybe try to sell the others that don't look so good somewhere. These are principles that I stick to. I love nice things too, but I sacrifice so my husband and children can have the things that they want. Try to see if your wife is doing the same thing. If she is, just try to put yourself in her shoes a bit. She might get jealous if you have more clothes than her or if you spend more than her on your clothes, when she is not afforded that option.

Well said and good advice. :thumbsup:

[jackie k]

I believe there is purge, splurge and obsessed. I tell my wife about every thing I buy before I buy it " on line". And she buys me everything else or we go together. Maybe talk about purchases before buying them. I mean how much do we really need vs what we want ? I know my wife wouldn't like it if I had a nicer waredrobe than her. Try to see it from her aspect.

[Tracii G]

Balance is the key to life and happiness.
Remember you are 50% of the relationship.

[Lux]

As said previously, it is important to keep the communication going with your wife. I have the most supportive wife yet we still set up a rough monthly budget. If I want something expensive then I wait a few months to 'save up' and then make my purchase. I always ask her if there is anything she likes from any catalog or website that I am about to order from. We always go to the mall and shop Sephora (or anystore) together. I think you can turn a supportive wife into a tolerant one by not including her with communication. I think human nature is to assume the worse when you don't know what is going on. Good luck!

[zorianacd]

Thanks for all of the replies. I might have been pink fogging it for a while. I do make a good living and have enough to save and spend after all of the monthly expenses are covered. Balance is the key always. My wife is different and loves to bargain shop and she looks great. I can afford her to buy expensive designer clothes but she has no desire for those things. I don't have the time to look through a ton of clothing at discount stores. It's much easier to shop online, but I can also eBay some stuff and will keep that in mind. I'm glad she's pointed this out and will definitely reign in this pink fog shopping spree.

[Tracii G]

Designer labels don't mean much to me, just means you are paying too much for clothes.
If you look at the label you will find it was made in China anyway.
Tommy Hilfiger,Ralph Lauren and other designers have been having them made there for years.
If I find nice designer pieces in the thrift shops I will buy them sometimes.$3.00 as opposed to $300.00 I call that a win for me.

[Rebecca Star]

If your a bazillionair then spend spend spend.... but if you are impacting your family's economic future then you have a definite problem.... Tollerance can flip to loathing real quickly.... then you can let your lawyers sort out what went wrong.....

Agree with Karren.


It doesn't help that I also have rather expensive tastes but that's what I like.

I like exotic Euro sports cars. While my company does well, I could probably crunch some numbers and lease a lambo etc...etc. But, I personally wouldn't risk placing my family in debt, just so I can get what I like (want). Instead, I've settled for a nice Audi cabriolet, I'm greatful I have that.

Point is, it seems your trying to live the high life on a Beer budget. Hence, I think your SO has every right to protest over your outlandish spending habits.

Added: If you want to purchase designer clothes, shoes, etc...etc, then do what other people do, get an extra part time job to pay for this stuff. Taking it from the family budget, IMO, is just selfish.

[NicoleScott]

Acceptance/tolerance of your crossdressing is one thing. Out-of-control spending is another. Slow down and keep the peace.

[Barbara Ella]

Ditto, ditto, and ditto again. The girls have spoken

Barbara

[ReineD]

But I realize that crossdressing doesn't stop for most of us and there may not be such a thing as an accepting spouse. Thoughts?

Assuming your family income is average, your wife's upset over your excessive personal shopping has nothing to do with a lagging support for the CDing. Any husband or wife would be upset over a spouse who spends excessively on him or herself. And even in cases where the shopping is done in thrift stores and the monthly $$ amounts are negligible, there is the question of where to put all that stuff (if it gets to the point of hoarding), and also the seeming obsession over the procurement of items, often at the expense of time spent doing something pleasurable with the spouse. You could conceivably only have twenty outfits total in your closet (this is buying less than 2 items per month) and if you dress twice weekly, you'd be 10 weeks between putting on the same outfit.

Maybe your wife would like it if some of that time and money could go towards some material good or service that you can both enjoy.

[Lorileah]

I disagree about the accepting spouse. There is such a thing and I've been married to two fantastic women that accepted, tolerated and even enjoyed some aspects of my being a crossdresser. My present SO is also very much more then tolerant. She is accepting, understanding and also enjoys me crossdressed. Me too! :) Ok well not married to both but married to one and SO to the other for a long time. There was tolerance in some other things but the clothing issue was acceptance and support.
But I never let my buying habits get out of control wasting money on designer clothes to hang in the closet. Still don't but when I was with those women I actually didn't spend much money on clothes. If it wasn't on sale, I didn't get it and then it almost had to be at least 50% off. Ending it wasn't an issue wither. In fact my GF was more upset that she didn't see Lori as often as she wanted.

It sounds like money is an issue in your house and thus spending should reflect your situation. In other words back off. I disagree with all the "buy her stuff" people here because that just smacks of bribery. You should buy presents because you want to not to appease your conscious or buy her favor

[Miriam-J]

The girls (GG and CD) have spoken well of the need to have balanced spending and to stay within budget, and it appears you've taken this to heart. But I think you're missing an opportunity in not joining your wife in her shopping. If she's willing to shop with you for women's clothes for both of you, it can be a great, enriching experience that can contribute a lot of positives to your relationship - and build your confidence in her acceptance. Go beyond your male instincts and go out with her!

Miriam

[Helen Grandeis]

In the middle of all the negative energy and words, my wife said,"You could have bought yourself a nice amateur radio rig!". You can substitute - golf clubs, unisaw, four wheeler, jet ski etc.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Zoe, When you get three closets full of clothes and over a hundred twenty five pairs of shoes Call Me
I have always been a bargan shopper.
I ve never used household money for anything for dressing.