Support from outside the community... it is there.

[MandyTS]

This is a TS story but I wanted you to all read it. A few months back someone from a local cycling forum for which I am a mod and very well respected came here to dig dirt on me. They took information about my gender status and plastered it all over the forum (20000 members). The mods deleted the post but the damage was done.

I started getting PMs in support of me and GID. I decided to set the record straight and posted a thread, GID, will not be outed http://www.bikeforums.net/showthread.php?t=143652

In the next 3 weeks the outpouring of support has been amazing. I recieved in excess of 200 PMs, and the thread became easily over 150 posts and continues to grow. I also realized that one of the prominate members is a MTF TS (post op) and that really made me very happy.

There is support out there, more than you really know. Trust me, people do care if you give them time.

Also the member who signed up here just to harass me via PM was banned on the other site and came back to be banned again.

Just some hope.

Mandy

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Congratulations for having the courage to stand up and face down the rumors.

I read the responses and was also heartened by the support you received. It's just one more example that makes me think many people are much more accepting than we give them credit for. Even if they don't fully understand, they're willing to live and let live.

Don't let the little man who outted you get you down. It's pretty obvious he's a disturbed individual.

[Adrianne]

Good for you for standing up and outing yourself to so many people all because of one idot.

[JennyCD]

It is a very interesting and supportive thread, especially from a cycling forum known for a fair amount of flaming (yes, I'm a member there although I haven't posted there in quite a while).

I'm also a cyclist (100% car-free bent rider), and frequent the Bikespeak forums daily. While cyclists are much like any other group, with both tolerant and intolerant people, overall I've found them to be a very good bunch of people.

I admire you for taking a stand for yourself among your cycling peers.

[BeckyCath]

HI Mandy

I'm sat here with tears in my eyes as i read the messages of support that are coming your way, It never ceases to amaze me, when we actually get down, and past some of our preconcieved ideas just how supportive people are.

If you get a chance, please pass on my thanks to the members of your bike community for being so open and supportive...

Rebecca

[Wendy me]

veary cool as i can see this you have some real stand up members that are so not closed minded huge con grads to you and your members....

[Kim E]

Hi Mandy ~
Very happy for you, not only for the acceptance you received but for your courage. Very proud of you. :)

Hugs ~ Kim

[Holly]

Mandy you are proof positive that there is more acceptance out there than we often realize ourselves. I'm proud to call you sister (and neighbor).

[Tiffy]

Mandy, you got guts girl. And I am so happy you took things by the horn. And your bike group seems to be pretty damn cool. Way to go. I am so proud of you. And mad RESPECT to you Mandy.

Love, April Marie

[Olivia]

Yes! Way to go Mandy!! You are a great example of courage and integrity; I'm so glad to read of your support and your success. Good for you girl! You have my sincerest admiration and I wish you my best. Thank you Mandy, Olivia.

[Sharon]

Way to go, Mandy! You have shown us that there is a lot more compassion and support out there than we realize, and, sometimes, in the most unlikely places.

[Kimberly]

reading your post is incredibly educational... thank you xx

[gennee]

Mandy:

Thank you for sharing with us. I support you and so does this forum.

Gennee:)

[Maddie Nolan]

Well done Mandy. Standing up to be counted like that must have taken real courage. I'm proud of you babe!

[MandyTS]

First let me say thank you all, I really appriciate you all here and your support.

Last Monday I was at therapy and at the previous session I had given my therapist a copy of the manuscript of the first introductary chapter of the book on living as a gender free individual. The prologue of the book is extremely touching and emotional and I ment for it to be written that way. I have never been a closed door person although it takes a spark for me to realize that and come out of the closet. Once that happens it is all over, and people will see that. It is very much leting go of your fear from the inside and letting what is inside come out, and sometimes it becomes a valcano like explosion.

I can not forget the first time someone at work noticed a change. It was so subconsious but I was sitting there behind the desk, legs crossed typing. I was relaxed typing a memo. The comment... why are you sitting like a girl? My response, what do you mean, isn't this how I always sit? It was not two weeks later than himself and the rest of work knew what was going on.

Finding a balance between knowledge and giving too much information is a hard thing to do, but through talking with multiple people I have learned to accept myself. Acceptance is the key to finally realizing who you are, and it is unfortunite that many people never really say, "I accept who I am" until late in life.

I was very afraid for this all to come out. I can remember when I recieved a PM here... it read


I can not wait until all the guys on bikeforums read this? (Posting some comments I will not repeat here)

JIT2

I froze in my tracks, I was scared, not ready to come out. He posted a link from here and bodies like ours on the bikeforums page, the PMs started coming there, lots of questions. I knew at that point everyone was now aware and there was no use to hide anymore. I was thrown out of the closet like a pop star and a poparatzi photo shoot. I faced the music, scared for the first few days until I read some replies. It was like magic, everything became clear, I am who I am and nothing is changing.

It does not matter what happens from now on, I can loose everything, I could be thrown on the streets, I could die, but finally accepting who I am has been the biggest life changing event ever.

And you are a part of that.

Finally I never really thought about writing a book. I am a physics and chemistry double major finishing my teaching credentials for the state of California. One of my favorite students came up to me the other day and said, you make physics like I have never heard it, you really connect with us, make it easy to understand, follow, use. I was touched deeply, I have known I wa sa good teacher but this is different. I am using that talent to do my part in maybe helping a few more individuals outside of our community really understand what it is like. We are not wierd, perverted, strange... we are just being ourselfs... accept it!

Thank You, with sincere love and appriciation

Mandy

[Veronica E. Scott]

You my dear are a very strong person every now and then God sends an angel from heaven to live amongst (sp)humans to see what human life is like and very seldom do they show themselves you have been exposed we know now that you are an agel sent here to help us.we are very blessed to have you amongst us thank you for your courage and strength, may you live a long happy and prosperous life what ever you decide to do.

[Jesse69]

Mandy, since you were born with GID I think it makes you acceptable to be a TS and transition. Otherwise, if you were born a normal guy I think a lot of people on that bike forum would treat you like a perverted sex change freak (I'm not calling you that).

I'm a member of cyclingforums.com.

Well, for me, if it was perfectly acceptable to wear womens clothes I guess I would do it in public sometimes. But I just don't want to attract men.

By the way, how miles miles have you biked this year? Me, I did 3058.3 miles as of 11/19/05. What category do you race in ? What's your best top speed in the flats with no wind ? (My best is 32.9 mph). What's your best avg speed per distance ? (I did 7 miles at 20 mph avg and 46.65 miles at 17.9 mph avg).

I'm not fast enough to be a competitive racer.

For your height, I think getting into a size 10 would be pretty hard.

[MandyTS]

Mens 4, will be Womans 2 or 3 in a few years.

This year before my licence was revoked in September I had riden close to 6k miles. My solo 50 miles averages were about 17 - 18 MPH over mixed terrein (3k or so of climbing), I have averaged over 21 MPH on a ride before with no tailwind. On flats I have ran in a solo breakaway in a crit for 8 laps at a 27 MPH average (that is about 6 miles) before being caught. I have sprinted to 35 MPH solo and 37 MPH with a leadout (although I am not a big sprinter).

Racing is not about speed but tactics. If you can draft and are willing to bump shoulders in a corner you can race.

BTW I was not quite born with GID, but was intersexed, but most people can not understand that so I use GID. I am part boy and girl, but because I lived in what can be said to be a genderless state I was stable... taking testosterone made my GID!

[michellejean]

i am happy and proud for what you did by standing up to the ass.good girl.and if useing that word on here gets me in to it then so be it. but i can not help it . i will stand up with you when people like that won,t to hurt others.for no damn reason.it makes me mad as hell

[Ellaine]

Hi Mandy :)
It is great that you have stood up and been counted and been shown so much deserved support.
Only a rare few of us can really appreciate what an intersex life is about. Your condition perhaps has forced you to find a strength within. Of course only a moron could attack you for your condition, but they are out there.

As for the support that you have recieved, I have to observe that because you have used the GID "card", us common or garden "trannies" should not be misled into thinking that the local cycling club is necessarily a haven of acceptance and support.
GID and Intersex, are extremely valid life trauma situations that are easy to accept with only minimal browser searching for explanation.

Crossdressing or transvestism, may of course give rise to very real life trauma, but simple browser searches will do little to elicit sympathy for victim, because we are all mixed up under the two or three labels that cover gender presentation annomolies. One individual may be a sexual thrill-seeker, another may have gone through the nightmare of losing his family without really accepting or understanding this horror that has taken over his life. They are both just as likely to be labelled tranny/crossdresser types and both possibly seek respectability under the TG "flag", which is in many respects a poor solution.

Clearly TS and Intersexed folk deserve every support possible, and most Intersexed folk have heart wrenching stories to tell since the butchery of expedient solutions, still goes on.

Sadly the rest of us are such a varied mix, we are often beyond tolleration attention spans, particularly out in the sticks. lol



Hugs Ellaine

[paulaN]

that a girl. sometimes we just have to put the gloves on and duke it out. way to go.

[Darlene.]

It does not matter what happens from now on, I can loose everything, I could be thrown on the streets, I could die, but finally accepting who I am has been the biggest life changing event ever.

Mandy your experience demonstrates something that I think very few cross dressers etc. realize. And that is that most of the problems we have with society exists between our ears.

There is a certain percentage of those among any given group of people who will accept us (at least to the point that they will allow us to be who we are.)

The problem lies in the inability of most of us to be able to experience that. It takes certain tools to be able to access this acceptance. Had you not responded as you did the results may have been very different.

One thing that stands out here is the person who was attempting to make your life miserable stood to gain nothing. You were not hurting him, yet his only motive was to hurt you. When one responds as you did it allows others to see this, and it then becomes relatively easy for them to respond appropriately.

I have found the best defence to those who are attempting to do things like this guy was trying to do to you is to simply tell them to fill their booties. and get right on with it.

Those who do not have the tools to do this kind of stuff, are forced to focus on the (immature) part of society that can not accept us, wasting their time attempting to educate them.

Cheers.

[MandyTS]

Ellaine,
I will not say that finding acceptance in others will be easier or harder than other groups, the key is to show not by trying but just plain showing you are a person just like everyone else. In both communities I am a very well respected member, just because it was a cycling group means very little. I would tell stories of my strugles at races and triumps that would inspire many. Advice that I have given people they throw right back at me and it feels awsome.

I can not say this has been all roses, it certainly has not, my mom and dad are still not fully accepting, my friends are though. I have to tell you a quick story today from the mall...

Tomarrow I am going to my first gender therapy session as myself (i.e. I am going in full attire, etc, which actually is not a big deal, I rutietly wear skirts, girl jeans, blouses, etc to therapy). I went to the mall with my best friend and his girlfriend. I saw this handbag at Macys, just like my best friends girlfriend and I wanted it so badly... and it was 25% off... we girls love deals!

I was so afraid to go and buy it, I am a horrable liar and my friend said just say it was for your girlfriend. I could not do that, after my friend basically said, Mandy screw what everyone else says, if you like it then buy it! I went in there and bought this bag :c9: .... my first purse.

We all find people that will help us along the way. Once they realize that we are still the same person inside things change. He has known for years about me without saying a thing. It is amazing what friends can read off of others. We are not closer than we have ever been.

It is truely between our ears, and today I really realized that. My parents will start coming around, it will just take time. Until then I am myself and no one can take that one away!

Mandy