Am I alone with this...

[Stacey Renee]

I hope this does not become too graphic to upset the ToS or the mods, but I am curious if others feel the same way I do...

In terms of sex (I am a heterosexual male), if I am dressed en femme and orgasm, I get disgusted with myself, ashamed really...

But I can go all day, I mean I could go a month without ejaculating and dressed en femme and I am perfectly fine, no regrets, no being ashamed...

It hard because while my wife is supportive and encourages me to dress like I want when our daughter is away, it leads to sex, and then I go hating myself for an hour afterwards, pull off everything I was wearing, wipe off the make-up, then an hour later, I am like "why did I take all that time to get ready, look nice and get rid of it", because I am ready to be en femme again... Odd I know...

There are ways around this with her, but may be too graphic, manly, just wanted to know does anyone else have that guilt, disgust???

I truly do not dress en femme for sexual reason, I feel better about myself while dressed that way if that makes sense... It isn't a fetish, it is a part of me, a need, a natural feeling...

[RADER]

No I do not think you are alone by any means; Wearing the dress gets you aroused to a point,
I can understand. But when you ejaculate, all your desires go away. I have had similar experiences
my self, but not very often. I do wear panties 24/7, and generally a baby doll nightie to bed at night.
The wife is OK with my dressing, even though I stay in the closet.
I do not do makeup very often, since I do not go out, what is the point of doing it.
Welcome to the Forum, glad you found us.
Rader

[Kaz]

It is only natural for CDing to be linked to some sexual arousal, though for most of us that is not what it is really about. When it happens though, yeah, I have been through this. Less so now, very much less so, as I have embraced things a lot more in terms of who I am - although I am still just a traveler on that journey. I have never involved my wife, though, and I can imagine that could set up conflicting emotions... there are many here who have though - so keep asking the questions...!

[BRANDYJ]

I surely can relate to this from years ago. I think it's quite common. Maybe more so for those in their teens or twenties and maybe even into thirties. All males, once they ejaculate lose all interest in sex for at least a short refractionary time. So it makes sense that once we are satisfied, we might want to rip off the clothes, wipe off the makeup and man up again. As the sexual part of dressing becomes less important, you might not feel the same way.

[RileyEvans]

I have the same thing happen, I lose all interest and want to go back instantly in male mode, but if I stay dressed for 10 min or so I fine with being dressed.

[Violetgray]

I'm not sure why this happens, but you are definitely not alone.

Intense discomfort for just a little bit then it goes away. It's basically a sexual ice cream headache.

[Tara D. Rose]

No you're not alone in this. Most of us on here have been there done that. It's a learning phase somewhat. Some of us move past that and we continue to become our female selves and not indulge in sexual gratification. We then learn that we don't do this soley for that reason. But still some dress just for the sole purpose of sexul release.
I,like you have felt that extreme shame and guilt and absolute disgust to the 10th power. The guilt was so bad that I threw everything away, but I learned 13 years later that it comes back stronger than ever. When I become Tara it's just because I need to be me, and as I'm getting ready and all dolled up, during that time, I'm not foreseeing that I'm going to indulge sexual gratification. My dressing is far beyond that as well as many others here. It is part of life and you're not alone.
love & Respect............Tara

[Stacey Renee]

Thanks for all the responses, I do so that I am not alone in this, and hopefully the "guilt" subsides... Thanks again, truly means a lot for y'all to share and learn that I am not the only one that has felt that way, and knowing that it ultimately passes...

[Barbara Ella]

You are not alone, and it is a physical normal reaction. think about a male non crossdresser, when he has sex, and orgasms, what does he do. He rolls over, smokes a cigarette or begins to snooze (ok, stereotypical), but it is hormonally driven activity. while aroused, your hormones drive you to orgasm. the second you do, your hormones stop, and you are left empty, no feeling of the drive you felt a moment ago. this is the refractory period, and you are not interested in sex for a certain time.

Now, as a crossdresser, the act of dressing plays a role in the act of arousal and orgasm, if not , you would not do it that way. So, when your hormones stop and you have no desire for your sexual activity, it is normal to associate this lack of desire with a need to distance yourself from the activity that got you there, and that included dressing. It is not a disgust or shame, but merely a very dramatic and sudden shift due to loss of hormones driving you. That emptiness can be mistaken for desire not to do it. Mistaken identification of crossdressing with loss of hormone support.

I do not dress for fetish. I do sometimes feel sexual while dressed, and will orgasm sometimes (age puts it few and far between...lol). Please do not let this natural feeling change how you interact with your wife She deserves all of you, all the time.

Hugs, Barbara

[Raquel June]

I think this is a common thing for a few reasons. And everything sort of compounds with each other.

First, feelings of shame (at least to some degree) when you orgasm are pretty common no matter how you're dressed. This is something you only experience en femme?

Because second, feelings of shame surrounding crossdressing are also obviously pretty common.

When I was 11 to about 15, I pretty much thought I was going to hell every time I ejaculated. And even after I got over that, I still felt like a huge pervert if there was any gender-bending involved.

Third, everybody enters a somewhat different emotional state in the refractory period after they have an orgasm. Some people want to cuddle. Some people cry. Some people feel totally relaxed and fall asleep instantly. And some people think, "OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE THIS?"

And fourth, I think having gender issues (especially if you have testosterone) can cause you to self-apply a Madonna-***** complex. I guess that's not really a correct use of the term. But what I mean is that you feel really happy and pretty and pure and wonderful and feminine and nothing but positive feelings, and then you have an orgasm and feel dirty and feel like all those feelings were fake because it was all just a lead-up to a sex act.


And in the end this can come down to us not wanting to admit how blurred the line can be between (possibly fetishistic) crossdressing and transsexualism. Because some of us say, "Hey, I'm all man, I just like to be kinky now and then. But I'm not a freak." And then some of us say, "I'm all woman. I just need to express that. But I'm not a pervert." God forbid we embrace the concept of being feminine and sexual.

[darla_g]

I think the way to relieve this feeling is to not so closely link your dressing with a sexual release. Just dress up for the sake of it. Enjoy yourself, but just not in an overtly sexual way. Over time the feelings will gradually go away.

[Kelli Ca]

Great topic thanks for bringing it up, I like to wear something sexy to love making and after wards my wife asks why I take it off if its not already off so quickly. I heard it best by the first responce saying the desire is gone for awhile after, but so are all other desires, I mean really who among us finnishes and just wants some peace for five or ten. I have mace a effort to keep dressed atfer and have begjn to feel quite good about it now.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Stacey, as you get older that will slow down.

[Julie Gaum]

Interesting that I didn't read the word "purging" once in the above comments and yet if you were to travel back to the 50s before the Internet when we all thought we were alone and perverts, then feeling guilt and shame was very common. I recall throwing hundreds of dollars worth of clothes away into dumpsters and trash cans not once but probably a dozen times over the years. Now we know we are not doing wrong and the feelings will be back very quickly. Some suggest (and it works) to squish on some perfume or apply another coat of lipstick --- you come back very fast believe.
me. So now afer all these years (I'm 87) I might want to have an orgasim every night (really) when I'm especially pleased how Julie smiles back at me and yet I no longer have the desire to purge. With a wife or GG partner sex is as good or better than ever and they are your first priority.
True that the fetish element is often dominent when you're in your teens but for most of us that phase will almost vanish over the years.
Been there --- done that!
Julie

[RiverdanceGirl]

I think now that you know it's normal to feel like you do and the feelings of guilt and shame are mostly an illusion it's not going to bother you as much. I had a lot of guilt in my younger life. Dressing was very sexually arousing for me, I was a teenager full of the changes of growing up and the confusion and feeling so isolated like we all do at that age. Dressing was both my fantasy and my escape. Inevitably it would lead to solo activities that culminated in ejaculation. The more effort I put into dressing the more pleasure I got and the guilt I suffered was much worse. Possibly the fact that I didn't have and most definitely would not have been allowed a wardrobe of feminine clothes and had to steal/borrow clothes added to the guilt. It's very true what the other posters have said, if you can resist the urge to pull off your clothes for 10-15 minutes afterwards you'll find that you still want to wear them.

[Kathy4ever]

That happeneed to me a few times. I remember the one time where my make up was perfectly applied and had a nice red dress on on. I got too excited and after felt not so much ashame but dissapointed that I ruined the illusion with that happening. Last week had a hour to myself and was able to wear my sweater dress and heels and got a little excited. With me it has happened when I think I truely look good in something. I guess I like that person better than I thought.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I hope this does not become too graphic to upset the ToS or the mods, but I am curious if others feel the same way I do...
In terms of sex (I am a heterosexual male), if I am dressed en femme and orgasm, I get disgusted with myself, ashamed really...

Maybe it is a generational thing I don't understand, but why do you feel ashamed? Is it the self pleasure aspect of it? It is just a natural part of life and being a human being, like going to the bathroom or blowing your nose. Even if it is related to your dressing, why is that a problem?

[Cheryl T]

Been there, done that!!
When I was younger that's the scenario I experienced. Steal an hour or two to dress. Get turned on by what I was wearing and seeing my smooth legs in hose and heels. Find my release then rush to change back. Feel guilty and anguished, maybe purge now and then. Then when I had the time do it all over again.
Then I accepted myself for who I am. Over time it was no longer sexual. That's not to say that now and then I don't find myself excited because I feel particularly sexy in a certain outfit or situation, but that is no longer the reason I dress. Now I do it because this is who I am. It's an integral part of the whole and without it I am incomplete.

You may find that this cycle diminishes and perhaps even disappears. Try to find yourself when you are dressed and think less of the sexual aspect and more of the emotional. It may help to relax you and relieve this punishment we go through when we do this.

[Stacey Renee]

Interesting that I didn't read the word "purging" once in the above comments and yet if you were to travel back to the 50s before the Internet when we all thought we were alone and perverts, then feeling guilt and shame was very common. I recall throwing hundreds of dollars worth of clothes away into dumpsters and trash cans not once but probably a dozen times over the years. Now we know we are not doing wrong and the feelings will be back very quickly. Some suggest (and it works) to squish on some perfume or apply another coat of lipstick --- you come back very fast believe.
me. So now afer all these years (I'm 87) I might want to have an orgasim every night (really) when I'm especially pleased how Julie smiles back at me and yet I no longer have the desire to purge. With a wife or GG partner sex is as good or better than ever and they are your first priority.
True that the fetish element is often dominent when you're in your teens but for most of us that phase will almost vanish over the years.
Been there --- done that!
Julie

I tried to keep a long story short... I "purged" probably 3-4 times in my life in hopes to quit, because like many have said, after that initially orgasm, I hated it, hated me, ran to the nearest trash bin that I could not get back in to with trash bags or boxes and did what I had to do, what I thought was right, I know differently now... Now, I will never purge, hell my wife brought all my clothes and shoes in our closest and kicked all my "male" clothes out... When I dress for work, I have to go to a spare bedroom to get my daily clothes... She loves the thought that that is what I wore... (Over the 13+ years, I did keep some in storage and I also found a lot that she put away that no longer fit her that I bought for her)... Purging did happen, but won't in the future...

[Marie-Elise]

I think this is one of the things that make being like us so complex. If you grow up in a Judaic-Christian environment, at some point, you are taught there are sins and that masturbation is one of them. I think it's natural that you feel some guilt as uncomfortable as it may be.

I grew up Catholic so just about everything makes me feel guilty. When it comes to dressing and sexuality, I sometimes feel guilty after orgasm. But then, I just lie still and wait for the feeling to pass. I am not hurting anyone and it made me happy.

[Babeba]

If you orgasm because you have just had sex with your wife, what is so bad about that?

... I don't have any CD insight, and so I am genuinely curious about this.

[Stephanie47]

You are not alone. When I was growing up dressing up in my mother's clothes always lead to sex and then disgust. I'm with Marie-Elise on this one. Growing up in a repressive Christian society in the 1960's really took a toll on the mind set. Yes, masturbation was a big sin en femme or stark naked. Throw in wearing a dress? You were on the first plane to hell. So, is the disgust caused by being en femme or because of "illicit" sex without a wife? Good question. But, after participating in other "manly" activities supported by the Christian community but really un-Christian, I figured out sexual relief is normal. I also figured out being en femme is an integral part of my personal internal being.

Although, I am not a GG, I 'think' I read somewhere GG's also sexually stimulate themselves on occasion! :) So, what's the big deal?

I will say over time being en femme will become less and less sexual for you. Now Stephanie loves coming out to play, which basically means doing everything a woman does. I suggest Stacey-Renee may need to learn to cook, clean house, etc en femme.

[Beverley Sims]

Males and females of all species masturbate but not many species admit they do.
Maybe they all possibly experience self loathing also.
When I was younger I thought why am I doing this?
I think I know now.:)

[Stacey Renee]

If you orgasm because you have just had sex with your wife, what is so bad about that?

... I don't have any CD insight, and so I am genuinely curious about this.

Nothing, if I am in my traditional male role, but I know how I feel when in the female persona, and I am afraid of the guilt... again, this was years ago that this happened, my wife and I have NOT ventured to this yet, it may be completely different, was just asking the question as to am I alone in feeling the guilt and anger... When I have recently, I never ejaculated, so when I got undressed, it was normal, no guilt, no feeling shame, everything felt normal besides taking a 30 minute shower versus a 15 to make sure everything comes off...

[Stacey Renee]

.
I will say over time being en femme will become less and less sexual for you. Now Stephanie loves coming out to play, which basically means doing everything a woman does. I suggest Stacey-Renee may need to learn to cook, clean house, etc en femme.

I am thinking my point may have been misconstrued... I do not dress for sexual gratification. At least I don't think I do, but like any man or woman, eventually, I get horny hahaha... I went many days en femme never feeling sexual in any way, I don't dress this way for the sexual side of it, I dress this way(or did in my past and have been given the OK to continue since coming out to my wife) for sexual reasons. I did it because it felt natural to me... And by the way, I am the cook of the house =), I sweep the floors, have always done this, I draw my line at dishes and laundry... LOL Thanks again all for the advice and your own experiences, I think I misworded it though by some of the responses...

[Vickie_CDTV]

I came of age in the late 80s/early 90s, and even coming from a moderate catholic upbringing self pleasure was not really something talked about much either way; it was not encouraged or looked upon as something good, but it was kinda/sorta said to be bad but not actively condemned either, and it was common knowledge by then all males did it and it was just a part of growing up. Maybe it was the other issues of the day (like AIDS and teenage pregnancy) that made masturbation seem like a sane alternative for teenage boys. Growing up I never felt any guilt at all about it, and I knew being a male at some point some sexual relief was necessary and I thought of it as akin to going to the bathroom. I was ashamed of my attraction to womens' clothing, however.

[ReluctantDebutant]

No you're not alone in this. I myself had an unexpected bouts of depression after ,well you know, while cross-dressed. I thought I was over such things I haven't had such a glum feeling in a long while. So I begin to ponder why this is happening. And then it hit me, I was crashing after a great euphoric high. I believe that's why this is so common, we all reach a great height of the motion our brain is pumping out endorphins and then all of a sudden it stops. It's no wonder that that sudden slam of the brakes feel so depressing. Our minds start to rationalize the reason for the depression so it starts to use shame for being dressed a shame that wasn't there before.

The reason why you don't feel ashamed when you dress for long. The time is that during this time you don't let it get that high thus no great crash. You're sort of evened out.

It seems there cannot be great highs without great lows. It might just be the price we pay. The question is can we afford it.

[Lady Panda]

i think alot of us that were raised Catholic...have been conditioned from a very young age that sex is not to be had when you are alone and not for pleasure ....so many of us that were raised that way have been conditioned to feel guilt for our lack of control.

That being said,,,,, We have a Big dose of catholic Guilt.

Sex is a wonderful gift ...it is about losing control and getting caught up in the passion and the good feeling of it all.

As we get older those feelings of guilt go away when we accept its ok to feel good and that we deserve passion and
have the right to feel good.

And yes as posted by Stephanie47 ......"Although, I am not a GG, I 'think' I read somewhere GG's also sexually stimulate themselves on occasion! So, what's the big deal?.......We GGs do the self stimulation". and that also w age allows us to feel comfortable with doing tht too.

[LilSissyStevie]

For me it was chemical. I always used to feel that way after sex and it didn't matter how I was dressed or what we did. My wife would want to cuddle and I'm thinking "Oh God please don't touch me." It would go away after a bit and I'd be fine. One advantage of getting older is that the postcoital dysphoria goes away. You think it's shame or whatever but it's just hormones.

[audreyinalbany]

well yeah, I think there's an underlying guilt associated with cross dressing anyway, then when you throw the sexual gratification on top of it, the clothes come off and you feel like an a$$hole for a little while. I think we've ALL been through it to one degree or another. I'm now in my late fifties, so the sexual part of it isn't what it used to be, although it's not completely gone. Be kind to yourself.

[krissy]

Im the same way if i can just get past that few minutes i can be alright with it .

[Cynthia Anne]

Perhaps when I was younger I felt shame and gilt afterwards! Now that it is a way of life for me I have no shame or gilt!

[sometimes_miss]

I used to go through the very same feelings back when I was a teenager, and the sex drive was going through the roof so much that I was horny pretty much all the time. For me, sex was always imagined with a woman when masturbating, so if it happenned when I was dressed as a girl, it was very confusing because I couldn't get the 'Im a girl and I want to be with a girl' thing figured out. As I grew older, I don't usually masturbate when dressed as a girl, and the only feelings I have when changing back to boy clothes is a bit of sadness that I have to do that.

[Stacey Renee]

I used to go through the very same feelings back when I was a teenager, and the sex drive was going through the roof so much that I was horny pretty much all the time. For me, sex was always imagined with a woman when masturbating, so if it happenned when I was dressed as a girl, it was very confusing because I couldn't get the 'Im a girl and I want to be with a girl' thing figured out. As I grew older, I don't usually masturbate when dressed as a girl, and the only feelings I have when changing back to boy clothes is a bit of sadness that I have to do that.

That sums me up almost to a T... Thanks for your post!!!