Sometimes . . . .

[Anne2345]

This sh!t is just plain hard sometimes. Just f*cking hard. And it hurts. It hurts soooo much sometimes.

Sometimes, the pain is more than I think I can bear.

Sometimes, I feel like just giving up.

Sometimes, I wonder just what exactly is it that I think I am doing.

Sometimes, I question my sanity, purpose, strength, and resolve.

Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I don’t want to do it anymore.

Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I just can’t do it anymore.

Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I am all f*cked up in the head and would be better off dead.

Sometimes, I want to just curl up in a little ball on the floor, and just melt away in a pool of my own sad, sorry, pathetic tears, vomit, and hysteria. I feel that way right now, actually, and it sucks. It just plain sucks, sucks, sucks. And it hurts sooooo much . . . .

I do want to believe it’s going to get better, though. Sometimes I actually think that it will. Sometimes I make the mistake of actually believing in hope, as crazy as that may seem. Sometimes I make the mistake of believing I can be happy. Sometimes I even believe that things, whatever those things may be, will work out in the end.

Sometimes I even smile, laugh, and take pride in myself. Sometimes I see the beauty and magic of life, and am in awe of its wonder. But not tonight. Tonight is a hard night. Tonight is one of those sometimes nights. Tonight is brutal, merciless, and unforgiving.

Sometimes it’s this way, and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it just is what it is. F*ck sometimes. Sometimes suck sometimes.

[RADER]

Ann;
Please slow down and take a breath.
We all have good days and not so good days. Even the not so good days have some merit
to them. It has been said, life is not a bowel of cherries, but a bowel of grapes. Some are
sweet, and some are not.
So just spit out the bad seeds, and enjoy the good days.
Rader

[Marleena]

Anne, hang in there girl! You know me I'm usually upbeat but I sometimes have days like that. It will pass. This shit really does suck sometimes! It makes you human because we never asked for this but we do have to make the best of it. You know you can PM me anytime.:)

[Jorja]

May I make a suggestion? Take some time and step away from it. Just be the person you were born as and put Anne away in a box for awhile. See if you can live without her in your life. See if you can be just you. There is nothing that says you have to be Anne from one day to the next. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't work you will know she is meant to be here. There is no pressure. Just be you.

[kimdl93]

Anne, for the moment, get away from this inner conflict in whatever manner circumstances allow. Read a book to your daughter, or to yourself, fold some clothes, fry an egg, watch a silly old movie...when you are in a time like this you need to practice distracting yourself. And if you practice this religiously, consistently and fervently, you'll begin to feel better. Trust me on this....I have done it.

[Amanda22]

Anne, the suggestions offered by the lovely and wise people who've responded before me in this thread really are priceless. I can't add anything that would be truly more helpful. I do think it's healthy to take breaks from this forum. It is easy to get hurt here, leaving you just feeling bad about yourself. I'm starting to sound preachy. Try not to take yourself seriously. Laugh at yourself. It's all OK.

[Traci Elizabeth]

May I make a suggestion? Take some time and step away from it. Just be the person you were born as and put Anne away in a box for awhile. See if you can live without her in your life. See if you can be just you. There is nothing that says you have to be Anne from one day to the next. If it works out, fine. If it doesn't work you will know she is meant to be here. There is no pressure. Just be you.


I could not agree more. Jorja hit the nail on the head.

I would also suggest that you remove the word "sometimes" from your vocabulary. If indeed you truly feel as you have written then by all means take the pressure off yourself to reduce your stress levels. No one is forcing you to be a woman. And hopefully, you are not self-imposing/forcing Anne into your conscious mind. If you are indeed Anne, then everything should be natural and feel "right." It does not mean things will be easy, it just means that you are so sure that you are Anne that you knowingly accept the transition challenges no matter how hard it might seem because you have to let Anne out to be your true-self. If you don't feel that way, then back off as Jorja recommended.

[STACY B]

Ya ever notice that this thread can be looked at in alot of different ways ,,The first thought in my head was HANGOVER ,,, Thats the way I felt Sometimes or Mostimes ,,, Glad thats all Behind me ,,Cuz that stuff is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Worse than this will ever be !! Born Again ,,, Wanna Be !

[Nichola]

Life sucks sometimes, but tomorrow is another day.
I hope you can find Happiness.

[Sara Jessica]

I slept on this one. It was restless and unpleasant dreams were conjured.


This sh!t is just plain hard sometimes. Just f*cking hard. And it hurts. It hurts soooo much sometimes.

Yes, the pain is real. It feels as if it infects every fibre of our being. It seems hard on the heart to feel as if it is in a constant vice.


Sometimes, the pain is more than I think I can bear.

But it's not. You have strength. You are also wise. You have awareness as to what it is that causes your pain. This is important in managing it and someday, it should help to minimize it.


Sometimes, I feel like just giving up.

Yep, I have felt the same thing. The question is what do we do when we feel this way to overcome such feelings? I can react in two extremes. Either getting really close to my family. Watching my girls play together is enough to make me forget the entire world, even if only for a minute or two. I am then awash in the purest form of love there is which is an amazing coping mechanism. The other is to retreat into femininity in any form, reminding myself of the beauty in my body...not so much from a physical sense but the beauty that I can feel in my soul.


Sometimes, I wonder just what exactly is it that I think I am doing.

I remember wondering that back in my teens when information was scarce. See, the thing is, I'm guessing that you know exactly what you desire but your path has not yet been made clear. Not to yourself, and certainly not to any of us in these pages.


Sometimes, I question my sanity, purpose, strength, and resolve.

Don't sell yourself short. This is not a question of sanity. Your purpose is to be there for your family. You have the strength and resolve to find balance in such a way that fulfillment can be yours no matter how you present.


Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I don’t want to do it anymore.

What is it that you don't want to do?

Finding one's path is rarely an easy thing. You are being challenged by your own thoughts and feelings right now and it will happen again. Heck, it will even happen after you find peace. But you cannot say you don't want to be yourself. Following that path seems like it would only create more angst.


Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I just can’t do it anymore.

But you can.


Sometimes I feel, like I do right now, that I am all f*cked up in the head and would be better off dead.

No, you are not f*cked up in the head. This thing of ours is real and while at times it might seem so messed up, it is such a unique perspective that can be wrapped in so much beauty, joy, friendship and fulfillment on so many levels. Roll with me on this, it will come full circle soon enough.

Tell me Anne, what is it that you desire, all things being equal? I don't think I've ever heard what your ideal is. I can surmise but I would love to hear it from you.

I'll tell you my desire. It's actually quite simple. All things being equal, I would transition in a heartbeat. Everything. Hormones would wash my body in a new calmness while helping it evolve to match what has always been at the core of my being. I would do the 2 or 3 procedures from a FFS standpoint that I think I need (ok, it might be 7 or 8 but who's counting). The concept of GRS doesn't phase me a bit. And through all of this, my family and friends would stand by my side. My career would remain intact and would actually flourish. I would lose nothing in this transition.

Of course this is pure fantasy. Taking any or all of the steps described above could result in loss of nothing dear to my heart. But at the same time, it is more likely that there would be some degree of loss which is why I have made the decision that I am not willing to risk transition.

Some may say this is a cop-out. That I am making excuses. That perhaps I'm not as "trans" as the next person. And to those people, I'm not all that concerned about such opinions. I live my life, not anyone else. I have built what I have now, not out of any kind of falsehood but instead out of naivety of where a different path could have taken me. And honestly, I'm pretty grateful that such naivety existed because nothing could ever substitute for the love of my wife and my family.

Full circle time. Better off dead? I don't think so.

You see, I had a dear friend who tested an ideal similar to the one I described above. She dove headlong into transition, acknowledging to others that the dissolution of her marriage was part of the fallout and even seemed to accept that loss. Yet in her heart she held tight to the dream that her wife would somehow come around and there would not be a divorce. As this picked up steam and clarity about reality was in sight, things began to fall apart in a big way. One of the last things she said to me was that she wished she had what I had, referring to the balance I had achieved between two distinctly diverse lives for lack of a better word, also known as my definition of what it is to be on a middle path. Unfortunately, less than two years later she took her own life following an attempt at de-transition.

Better off dead? Hell no. She was a beautiful person who should be alive today regardless of female or male presentation. I wish everything in hindsight. I wish she had the strength to carry on as the woman she was meant to be. I wish that in her choice to de-transition that he could have found peace. I wish I had met her before she transitioned in the off chance she would have given stronger consideration to a middle path. I wish she was still alive.

I'm certain that my description above is too simplistic to describe the gravity of what she felt in her last three years but I'm here to say that she is missed tremendously by many. My tears have turned to anger over the last several months when I think of her. Anger in that suicide is such a selfish act but more importantly, she taught me that suicide is a viable option, something I never really needed to understand. Yet that awareness doesn't tempt me down such a path other than a fleeting thought here and there when the chips seem so down (such fleeting thoughts that are purely the result of this awareness). There are too many people I love out there. There's too much joy in life to experience. There is a beauty in our existence that very few can comprehend, let alone understand it ourselves. But I cannot imagine any other perspective.


Sometimes, I want to just curl up in a little ball on the floor, and just melt away in a pool of my own sad, sorry, pathetic tears, vomit, and hysteria. I feel that way right now, actually, and it sucks. It just plain sucks, sucks, sucks. And it hurts sooooo much . . . .

I've done that before, curl up in my bed for hours or even a couple days, contemplating my own self-pity. It's far from productive and causes more pain to my family. Fortunately these events are few & far between.


I do want to believe it’s going to get better, though. Sometimes I actually think that it will. Sometimes I make the mistake of actually believing in hope, as crazy as that may seem. Sometimes I make the mistake of believing I can be happy. Sometimes I even believe that things, whatever those things may be, will work out in the end.

I'm here to say that it can and will get better.

What are a few possible pathways?

Put Anne in a box and live a purely male existence. Not likely to be fulfilling given what you have expressed that is in your heart.

Let Anne out full speed ahead. Perhaps but not knowing your perfect world desire, this may not even be part of the equation. But even if it is, are you trading one set of heartaches for another, considering the possibility or even probability of significant upheaval in your life to what you hold dear?

Or is a middle path the place to be?

Or even some other pathway?

Only you can answer these questions. Any one of these may be the right choice for you, including transition. I am not here to say otherwise. I can only share what my chosen path has meant to me. But as I have told you a hundred times before, I truly feel that there is still a world of experience waiting for you in this wonderful world of ours to help you make informed decisions about future possibilities.


Sometimes I even smile, laugh, and take pride in myself. Sometimes I see the beauty and magic of life, and am in awe of its wonder. But not tonight. Tonight is a hard night. Tonight is one of those sometimes nights. Tonight is brutal, merciless, and unforgiving.

And this will pass and beauty will reveal itself once again.


Sometimes it’s this way, and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it just is what it is. F*ck sometimes. Sometimes suck sometimes.

Best to minimize the bad "sometimes" and maximize the good ones, making "most-of-the-times" the new normal.

I hesitate to call any of what I said above advice because when the "s" word is mentioned, it really becomes the calling card for a more professional opinion. I even hesitated to share what the "s" word means to me as I have never really admitted that it has a place in my vocabulary. And honestly, it really doesn't but trust me, I do get where you are coming from. It may be nearly identical to places I have been in the past and will certainly visit again in the future because despite striking a balance and finding such happiness and fulfillment in life, there are still going to be dark days when managing gender issues as we do. The question is what will we do about those days. Where will we find our way back to the light?

Look at your wife. Your child/children. Hold them close. Look through all of your perspectives, female, male and every point in between and you will see love. That alone goes a long way to bring me back to the light, and validates the middle path I have chosen for myself.

[Amanda22]

Wow, Sara, what a wonderful post. You have helped me so much by helping Anne. Thank you!

[elizabethamy]

There is nothing better to say than Sara Jessica's amazing response. Anne, I think I get what you are saying. I sense that we are somewhat in the same boat, and as SJ notes, this is a boat with no captain and no charted course. There might be dragons over the horizon but perhaps where the boat is now there is only salt water to drink.

What to do? I was in such a hurry to find an answer last winter and spring...then I ran out of spring, seasons changed, I still have no answers and can only realize that perhaps just letting things happen, allowing time and space for reflection and conversation, is the only thing one can do...hang in there! Feel the rays of warmth from all your friends here...

elizabethamy

[docrobbysherry]

Anne, I'm so sorry u felt that way last nite! I'm hoping today is, "A new day!" for u. NO ONE should ever feel the way u felt! I've only felt that one way one time in my life. When I was seventeen and stranded alone deep in Mexico!

I resolved to NEVER FEEL THAT ALONE AND HELPLESS AGAIN! And, I haven't! We cant help u, girl! No matter how much we wish to help, U must do it yourself!

If u find u cannot do it alone, PLEASE! Get professional help NOW! No ONE, I repeat, NO ONE should EVER have to feel the way u have!

[Anne2345]

Wow. I forgot that I could put Anne away in a box, take a sabbital from her, and just be the dude I was born as. That has worked so well throughout my life, in fact, that I am really quite surprised that I didn't think to do this earlier. So yeah, the hell with Anne! Who needs her, anyways? Certainly not me! She's done nothing but cause me trouble, so why not lock her up, throw away the key, forget about her for a while, and man the hell up??!! I am a man after all, right? A total and complete dude, packing a penis, testicles, manly athletic muscles, and a very strong post-up game down low. Just throw the ball inside into me, and I'm gonna take it hard and strong to the hoop. Get in my way, I promise you'll pay for it.

Sigh. Put Anne away in a box. I am really, really tired right now, and this does not help. Sorry. But it just doesn't help. Not one bit. It's very well intentioned, but that's about all.

My problem, sometimes, is that I write about how I feel and what I experience. Sometimes I write about positive things, sometimes it's dark things, and sometimes I write about just plain silly things.

Last night was a bad night. This week has been a bad week. But whatever, it happens to us all. I am no different than any of you. I feel no less or no more emotion than you all. My mistake is that I submitted my composition as a post.

Thinking back on some of my posts throughout my membership here, I have written about some dark, depressing, personal crap along the way. Last night I did so again. I don't know why I am even writing any of this, particularly given that I am just rambling on which no apparent desitination in mind.

Regardless, perhaps I should write more about the fun, positive stuff, and refrain from submitting posts like the one last night. Who does it serve anyways? Is there any real benefit or purpose in doing so? I don't know. And quite frankly, I am just too tired to care right now.

As far as professional care is concerned, I have been under it for quite some time, and continue to be. I appreciate your concern, Sherry. Really, I do!

And Sara, you continue to be an inspiration to me. You know I love you, girlfriend. Btw, that's not mascara you're wearing, is it? Come on, fess up! I know you're wearing mascara!!! :heehee:

In any event, I apologize for all of this. Despite that I recognize it is unbecoming to do so, I still can be a total drama queen at times. Anyways, I gotta go. I do not have much time left for my lunch break, and I still need to box Anne up, put her away, and put my man face back on . . . . :straightface:

[Inna]

Oh My, I really mean OMG, I read into your post and can't help but relive my own experience from 2 years ago, when it was I who sat drunk in front of the monitor and shouted "What The F..k is Wrong With Me?!?!" not once but several times, and the genuine, beautiful girls here and other forum I used to frequent, uplifted me every time without a fail.

What I am going to tell you right now Anne isn't mine, but my beautiful sisters who is my inspiration, my angel, my support and woman I could only dream of being. She has 3 kids, a beautiful husband and spirituality of a Buddhist monk, yet she does laundry, vacuum, dinners, caters to children, husband, dogs (2) and guinea pigs (2)!

When I was crying on the phone describing my pain and anguish of becoming, she told me one very simple sentence which resonates with me still, "Every new life, every new being, begins with pain, the pain of birth, the pain of entering into this world from beyond, yet such pain even though immense, is one of beauty, truth and celebration of new life's beginning".
She then said, "every single birth of my children, was surrounded with pain, yet I would not do it any other way, for it made me aware of how special and how fragile life is, I am blessed to be able to experience such pain and become a better human, mother, wife and Sister because of it!"

:)

[KellyJameson]

Sometimes it is difficult to know where the pain is coming from.

If we hit our thumb with a hammer it is clear the pain is part of us but still outside of us because we can identify it.

When the pain is part of us but inside us than we have the same desire to escape the pain as if we had hit our thumb but without any real understanding of how to or what
is causing the pain.

We cast around inside of ourselves searching for the cause and looking for relief.

The relationship we have with pain defines the relationship we have with ourselves because it is us, it is life.

Life is a terrible beautiful experience.

There is no dude or Anne but one person searching for a life worth living.

This is the challenge of life and it never ends as long as there is life because life is always changing around us even when it is us doing the changing.

The brute is always happy because mindlessness finds joy in mindless activities but sensitivity comes with a price and that is the price of pain that our awareness brings.

The genius, artist,writer, scientist, all those who create suffer from their gifts.

This is the price we pay for having them because nothing is free in life.

The greater our gifts the greater our need to understand how to live with those gifts,how to live with ourselves.

It becomes a question of learning to protect and love ourselves from the powers of our own minds that give us the highs but also the lows and keeps us from being drooling imbeciles looking out of the caves we inhabit.

When we have pain from an empty stomach we feed ourselves and our mind needs to be fed because it hungers for expression and experience just as our stomach hungers for food, both the stomach and the mind must be fed.

It is simple to think of the needs of the body that when met quiets our discontent but there are needs of our mind that live apart from our bodies that are much more difficult to understand or address.

My identity needs to be satisfied because when I do it stops being a need outside of myself that makes my compulsions a mystery and takes me back to a lost self that I did not know existed so heals a wound that was causing me pain but I could not point to.

The compulsions went quiet as the wound healed by living the life I was meant to live, I did not resist the pull of my mind but would follow like a protective parent following an excited child pulling me into an adventure but as a parent I would be there to do my best to keep us both safe.

Each person must decide how to do this because how and who we need to protect is different so we must follow the pull of our minds yet watch for danger to avoid adding to our wounds instead of healing the ones that our minds are trying to.

Tripping and breaking our leg while rushing to the sink to put our smashed thumb under cold water adds to our pain but it would not be healthy or "just" to ignore the pain in our thumb either.

Everything in life is a relationship starting with our relationship to pain and the most important things I have learned have there foundation in pain.

[Jorja]

First off Anne, I want you to show me where I said, “man the hell up??!! I am a man after all, right? A total and complete dude, packing a penis, testicles, manly athletic muscles, and a very strong post-up game down low. Just throw the ball inside into me, and I'm gonna take it hard and strong to the hoop. Get in my way, I promise you'll pay for it”. You can’t because I did not say anything like that. I said, “be YOU”.

If you are this person you have so eloquently described, then be that person. If you are an effeminate male then be that person. If you are someplace in between the two, then be that person. You need to find the real YOU.

Second, I want you to show me where I said, “ So yeah, the hell with Anne! Who needs her, anyways? Certainly not me! She's done nothing but cause me trouble, so why not lock her up, throw away the key, forget about her for a while”. You can’t show me because I did not say that either. I said be YOU.

You need to find the person behind the scenes before you can attempt any help and understanding of yourself. So yes, put Anne in a box for a while and reacquaint yourself with YOU and get to know YOU. Then decide what it is you want out of this life. Anne will wait patiently. When you have discovered these things about YOU, bring Anne back out and see if she agrees with the things you have discovered. Strike a compromise between Anne and YOU. You can co-exist or you can be one or the other but not both at the same time. Believe me, it will simplify things tremendously.

[Alyla]

Anne, On my refrigerator hangs a simple quote by mary anne radmacher and i try to breathe it every day:


Courage does not always roar.

sometimes courage is the the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,

"i will try again tomorrow."

I read it everyday; it keeps me walking.

Alyla

[TGMarla]

Hi Anne. If it's any consolation to you, there are times I feel the exact same way. I don't want to just dress up and pretend to feel like a woman; I want to be a woman. I sit here and think "Why, why, why, oh why couldn't that little genetic crapshoot at conception just have gone the other way?" Then I wouldn't have this conflict in my head all the time. There are days that are lots worse than others, and crossdressing only feeds the flames. I know that it will subside after a few days, but I also know that it'll come back another time, and I'll feel this way again. And I know that this will never go away as long as I live.

But I made my choice. I elected to remain a man, and be the husband my wife deserves. I don't want to be someone who did her best to emulate a real female, and have to live the rest of my life as some sort of abomination. I mean no disrespect or insult to any of the transexual women here in saying this. I say this only for myself. But I realized that I didn't want to be a transexual woman; I wanted to be a natal female. That option is not available to me. And I have no desire to hurt my wife and family in the way that my transitioning would. I can pile all of the positives and negatives on the teeter-totter of life, and it would wind up heavily weighted on one side. The cost, hurt, pain, and damage involved in my actually living my life as the woman I wish I was greatly outweighs the befefits I would obtain from transitioning. Again, I say these things only for myself. I fully support, and even envy those who have had the courage and drive to go through such an ordeal in order to be the people they always knew they were. I get it. I know. And I applaud them. It's just not for me. But the desire for it will always be with me.

Once I made the decision to remain as I am, the conflict became much more managable. I think the inner peace I derived from it (not total peace, mind you) showed through and has made me a better and more likable person. It drew me away from the brink, never to go there again. I urge you to find your path, Anne. Many here, myself included, have taken quite a liking to you, and we all have a genuine desire to see you happy. So stick around and let's find your happy place. We're here for you. We understand exactly how you feel. And you know what? No matter what road you decide to take, you ain't so bad just as you are.

Edit: I went back and read Sara's post again, and everything she said hits home with me. It occurs to me that we ALL have been to this place, and visited here many times over. Sage advice, Sara. Well done. Thanks for taking the time.


Regardless, perhaps I should write more about the fun, positive stuff, and refrain from submitting posts like the one last night.

Nope. Posts like yours are very necessary not only for you, but for many of us who always deal with the very same issues.


Last night was a bad night. This week has been a bad week.

I get those, too. I'm having one of those weeks right now, in fact. But it's subsiding again.


In any event, I apologize for all of this.

You have no need to ever apologize for such posts. I think they're very constructive and necessary. If it weren't for people like you posting things like this, we'd never get to read posts like the one Sara put up in response. You just keep 'em coming. They do you, and all of us, a lot of good.

[LeaP]

Anne,

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was one of the hardest for me to truly understand. That was to go out and do something. The problem was that I thought I was doing things when I wasn't. In thinking and analyzing, going over things again and again and again, I thought I was being active. I thought I was doing something when I went to therapy. I thought I was doing something when I did any number of things. In fact, few of them constituted doing much substantive to surface the real me, as Jorga put it so well.

Action is self-correcting and begets direction and certainty. You had this experience when you went to a support group meeting. You had INSTANT validation of your feelings when you stepped through your hotel room door, and in your conversation with the older woman that you described in an earlier post.

You can't act in the personal sphere on knowledge or desire alone, which is why people dream of doing things but so rarely do them. You have to take a step - any step, in any direction - to bring your inner life into focus and into the real world. You've already tried compartmentalizing your female identity, your transsexuality, several times. You made a serious run at it early in life ... with lifelong consequences. You coped crossdressing for a while. You walked away again recently AFTER experiencing the calm that comes after a realization out of crisis, to see if the dysphoria would return, which it did, in spades.

Frankly, I don't see much choice but to experiment in validating how strong and deep your femininity runs. Far from striving for a middle path, perhaps you need to try being out more, expressing more. Maybe letting go, for a while, some of the more masculine activities that you enjoy, but might actually be feeding the conflict. In short, give in to Anne and find your reality.

So, lots of conflicting advice in the responses! My take proceeds from one fact - that your femininity hasn't had enough time out to really allow you to KNOW beyond the conflict and "simple" intellectual knowledge (or realization). Your male life and persona rule the day. How can Anne be anything but a source of restless disturbance in your life when she is mostly a dream that exists in times alone and at night? (forgive the expressive license)

[Thera Home]

Sometimes I even smile, laugh, and take pride in myself. Sometimes I see the beauty and magic of life, and am in awe of its wonder. But not tonight. Tonight is a hard night. Tonight is one of those sometimes nights. Tonight is brutal, merciless, and unforgiving.

Sometimes it’s this way, and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it just is what it is. F*ck sometimes. Sometimes suck sometimes.

Anne Luv

Relax, dont let this override you. Remember this is a euphoria only, dont let it control you. Enjoy it while it's present but when the euphoria fades the body and mind continue to want it and expierences withdrawals(the bad feelings). When Im at this point of the ride thats when I concentrate on the things that matter in my life like my family. I understand you have a daughter,if so, devote all your time to her. I also meditate and pray silently and converse with GOD on these matters and then a peace of mind and body follow...................

With Love my friend

Thera

[Barbara Ella]

Somewhere there is someone. Somehow something somewhat confusing happens. Sometimes somebody will smile. Sometimes someone else cries. Those are the sometimes somebody must somehow parse for their sanity someday.

If someone/anyone can, you can, so take on and cherish your sometimes, for you will be all the wiser for having somehow survived and prospered thereby.

Barbara

[Sara Jessica]

Anne, I think you were a little hard on the others who said that putting Anne away for a while was a viable option. I read those and like you, I totally disagreed. But this was not because I didn't think it was valid advice but rather, I didn't think that is what you needed based on what you have written over the last year. But I certainly didn't think of calling it out because as an option, it's certainly one that is available for you.

That said, keep writing, keep venting, keep reveling in all that is beautiful, keep dreaming and most importantly (IMHO), keep doing. Learning and exploring will be your best guide. Your best path will hopefully become more clear in doing so.

[melissaK]

Hey Anne, throw Chumbawamba in the iPod and sing along out loud . . . "I get knocked down but I get up again, never gonna keep me down . . ." Really. Simple as that. ;^)

hugs,
'lissa