I am taking in

[angelicav]

I am taking in a 12 year old boy AJ,his mom does not want a thing with him anymore because he likes to crossdress.It gets even worse,his dad does not want a thing with him anymore tooI wanted to give back and the adoption procedure in getting in process now.Met AJ a couple weeks ago,my supportive friend Jill is his foster mother and she knows I am the one.I sat down with him telling him I am a crossdresser too fulltime now has someone that understands.My girlfriend Kendra wants to be involved in AJ's life too.Getting him this weekend and we are going to have fun getting to know his female side Alexis.My mother has been told so far and said Kendra and I are doing the right thing,giving a child a second chance in life with her support.Hopefully it goes very well and I have been speaking to a lawyer dealing with adoption laws for legal advice.

[janet54]

Angelicav. If you can give someone love and support.But mostly LOVE how can you be wrong. All the BEST.

[angelicav]

Kendra and I want to see him happy being his adoptive parents and my mother wants to be in his life too.

[Tracii G]

I hope it goes well you are doing a great thing here.Kids need love and I feel sad for his/her parents for being so close minded.

[angelicav]

Kendra and I are open minded.Meet with the case worker later today,the case worker says Kendra and I the one too.

[Lorileah]

Why do I see a train wreck coming here?

Angel, I certainly hope that you good spirit and your good intentions will help this kid. You are a good person to want to help. As long as social services and the courts are backing you things should go well. The concern I have is you have two very close minded and in my opinion crazy people involved. How long until one of the parents get a vendetta going and they make an issue of the crossdressing and the minor child being brought up by a crossdresser (maybe it would be easier if you were TS?) You will be outted in public for sure. It sounds like at this time you have no problem with that. It is just scary that first the parents are so low as to disown their child over this (these are the type of parents who need to be sterilized) and that they already don't like how you live your life. All I can say is be 100% honest. 100% open. Be squeaky clean in all you do. Give them absolutely NOTHING they can use against you later (I would not even get M rated games or go to movies that are R rated).


All the luck in the world on this and I hope in 10 years you are the family who is being used as the example of how TG's can be good family. :)

[katie_barns]

Why do I see a train wreck coming here?

Lorileah, I got that same guy feeling.


Angel

What you are doing is a very wonderful thing. There are few people in the world with hearts that big. What gave me the bad feeling is the fact you have only known this boy for a couple weeks. Also there is a lot more to raising a child then understanding a crossdressing need.
I am a certified foster parent and have had a number of children in my home over the years. My wife and I have no problem helping a needy child out. Adoption on the other hand is a huge step. My suggestion is take it one step at a time. Make sure you can actually help the child and that the life you can give them is the best situation for him.
I understand what you heart is telling you. [been there done that]. but don't let the emotions of the moment cause you to make a bad decision.
Good Luck and I wish you'll the best.

[angelicav]

His bio parents signed their parental rights away.I am happy dressing fulltime as my female side.

[Amy Fakley]

You have a big heart, and it is in the right place.

That being said, 90% of the world isn't going to see it that way, and certainly if AJ's parents were so hung up on it that they disowned their own child you can be sure that they are more likely to view this through the lens of "sexual deviant wants to steal our our confused child". Bet on it ... and all the crap that will come along with it. Unless you happen to live in an extraordinarily progressive part of the US, you can bet that the courts and social workers are going to be particularly receptive to that negative (and I'm naturally presuming entirely false interpretation).

I hope this works out, it'd be such a wonderful thing.
But watch your back.

[Alice B]

If the world had a few more people like you there would be many more happy people besides AJ. Hugs to you, your girfriend and AJ

[kellycan27]

While I applaud your good intentions I can't help but feel that you haven't put a lot of thought into what you are planning to try. Kids take an enormous amount of time, energy and "money". The deck is already stacked against you as far as adoption. One of the first things that adoption agency's look at is income and a stable work history.. just for starters. You are single and even if your SO and or your family pledge their support, there is no way that the court can force them to help if they suddenly decide not to. The court will have to decide on your ability and yours alone to care for the child both financially and emotionally.
On your end.. Do you honestly believe that you can sustain yourself and a child on what you make as a lingerie store manager? Who is going to care for the child while you work? Can you provide ( afford) adequate care. Does your job provide benefits such as medical and dental? Buying your own plan out of pocket is wayyy expensive. Is your lawyer giving you "free" advice? And will he continue to work for free if it comes to representing you? You do have a good heart, but you need to look deep into it and decide whether or not this boy would be better off with you than he would with a more settled and grounded family. Don't forget.. it's about a child's need rather than your wants. And finally. I don't know about what others might think, but your statement that " Having fun exploring his feminine side" sounds a bit creepy to me, he's 12, and supporting him is one thing.. encouraging him is different... Just saying.

Kel

[KarenCDFL]

What an awesome thing to do!

[Amy R Lynn]

I think its great that you want to help. I feel sad for the boy, that parents can be so cruel. I agree they should never be allowed to be parents again. I couldn't imagine dis-owning my child, ever. While I applaud your efforts here I have to warn you that being a parent (let alone a single parent) is a HUGE responsibility. It changes your life in ways that no one can ever explain. I won't even say that there are goods and bads with the changes. They are changes, and you make them what they are. But everything will change. It may sound like a lot fun from where you are now, but it will be a TON of work. Just know what you are doing this for. It can't be for you at all! It has to be all about this child, who is going to have many deep rooted issues that you will have to deal with. At some point he's going to have issues with the fact that his own parents ditched him. Imagine being in his shoes. You would be deeply hurt to the core. It may sound like a lot fun, lets be girl time, but be warned that there are serious challenges that you will have to deal with along the way.

I am a single parent of two wonderful kids (boys 6yr and 8yr). Their mother moved to the other side of the country (two years ago) and has very limited contact with them. I know some of the challenges that you will face first hand.

[BRANDYJ]

Kellycan offered some really good things to think about. I hope you have thought this out. My SO and I live 1,200 miles apart for now since she had to take guardianship of 3 small granddaughters. Hopefully the courts will let her leave the state now that 3 years has passed with no effort of either parent stepping up to the plate. Drugs and alcohol means more to them. In my case, those precious little girls will never know I am a CD. But I'll go further and say that if they were boys and if one of them had a propensity to crossdress, I'd not encourage of shame him for it. I'd be supportive but guarded about it. He would never know I am a CD if I could help it.
Like Kellycan said, it does sound creepy when you say you are going to have fun exploring his feminine side. That statement alone if found out by any authorities would halt any chance of an adoption. You are not helping him by sharing this side of you with him. To let him see you dressed or to dress together, in my opinion can do more harm then good. Even as another CD, if I was involved with the adoption process and had a vote on you being suitable, I would question your motives based on your one statement.

Like Karen said, yes, it is an awesome thing to do. But my bet on anyone in authority would not approve of you exploring his feminine side together. It surely brings a question of motive into the picture.

[angelicav]

Kendra and I planned this out adopt a couple kids and let them be themselves in a good way teaching them right from wrong.It was the only choice Kendra and I had,she can't get pregnant

[Julie Gaum]

Although the intentions appear and are probably only from the heart no writer above mentioned other issues that haven't but should be explored: While you and your SO are evidently hetero has any effort been made to identify the boy's reasons for his desres? Perhaps he has the Harry Benjamen Syndrum that means his mind was born female and reassignment surgery should have been completed by now or his chromosomes were not the usual combination so hormones are required to make him transsexual? Point is that in addition to being his physical and financial support as you would for any growing child professional examination is essential with everything that may entail. Do it quickly as his life could become one hell if you neglect him now.
Julie

[Voulez-Vous]

His bio parents signed their parental rights away.I am happy dressing fulltime as my female side.

Ummm, that's fine, but there's a bit more to it than just that. He's 12 yrs old and you're going to help him explore his femme side? I hope I'm wrong but I see trainwreck written all over this.

[Heather Daniels]

His biological parents signed their parental rights away because he's 12 and likes to crossdress? I dunno, maybe I'm just jaded, but something smells wrong with this story.

[Kaz]

Angelica,

I absolutely appreciate and applaud your good intentions, but many have pointed out potential issues with this. For my '2 penneth' (UK and what we used to say when I was bought up!), I also see a complicated path ahead and you need to know what you are walking into and the possibilities. I so hope it all works out for you all, but signing away parental rights doesn't mean they won't turn up on your doorstep at some point in the future...

You need the legal advice for sure... but as some have said bringing up kids is an awesome commitment. I hope Kendra sticks with it... it is a life changer!

And it is important that you allow the kid choice... just because he is cross-dressing at 12 doesn't mean this or TS is his path... there are lots of reasons for a kid of that age to experiment, especially if there are family issues (alcohol, drug abuse sounds like he hasn't had much support at a key stage in his development). Is wearing mum's clothes a cry for more attention?

OK, at 12 I had raided my mother's underwear drawer, but I was also confused about gender like everyone else. Just because most CDs and TSs can say they did this at this stage doesn't mean that everyone who does this will become CD or TS? There is a fine line between being a parent that allows choice and freedom of self-development and one who is actively managing that development. And that is a potential train wreck that could bounce back on you... that you 'groomed' him...

So please be very very careful. I am sure that you are doing the research and this thread, I guess, is part of that...

Take Care... keep us posted... I really hope it all works out

[Julogden]

Good for you, Angelica! I wish you all the best. I think it's a wonderful thing to do.

Carol

[Sandra1746]

Raising a child is never easy under the best of conditions; and you are starting at a bit of a disadvantage. However with luck and love it is likely to work out well.

I wish you and your new family only the best of life.
Sandra1746

[TxKimberly]

Wow - Kelly took the words right out of my mouth.

I REALLY applaud your stepping up to help a child - that is awesome! My wife and I took a pregnant young lady into our home when we found out that her parents threw her out of the house for getting pregnant out of wedlock. That turned out well and we STILL feel good about it.

THIS situation is a bit different though, with a WHOLE lot more pitfalls. As Kelly points out, there is an AWFUL lot of things to be considered when your talking about taking in a child. I wont list them again because I think Kelly did an outstanding job. One thing I will add my support to is what others here have said - it takes no great act of imagination to foresee a whole world of hurt that might come your way. Things like accusations of child abuse and worse . . .

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying be damned sure that you are going into this with your eyes wide open.

[Kelli Ca]

Wow I'm blown away, for the second time in two days reading a post has Given me goose bumps. You're an amazing person and I wish you and yours all the best

[Beverley Sims]

As Lorileah has cautioned... A train wreck.
Some other cautions here. A 12 year old boy might? change his mind about lifestyle and his parents.
He may want to go back later.
Yes be honest and squeaky clean, that means putting all your cards on the table and even the tabloids will have a go.
"Tranny foster parents raise tranny foster son."
Sorry this can be in the future.
I do say go for it and adopt but give guidance and not necessarily encouragement.
I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

[Brenda79135]

The biggest rpoblem that I can see might be the bio-grandparents. Some courts have given them as much rights as the bio-parents when it comes to children. What you are doing is great. Every chikd needs love and understanding. It is a shame that the adoption process is so hard and demanding of the adoptive couple, when people who shouldn't be having babies in the first place just toss them aside like an old doll. Krudos to you and all the best of luck.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Angelica, I have thoughts about the " Train Wreck " too but I wish you all the best with this.

Please do keep us advised on the progress.

[Annie D]

Knowing the pre-teen for such a short time would make me look at his situation a little longer. Taking him in for a week or two is a start; getting to know him better would be very important. Meeting with his parents is step 1B and finding out if there is any other "problems" that they feel are important for you to know. From that point, I would request temporary custody because without it you can't even pick him up from school or meet with his teachers and specifically his counselor who absolutely needs to know what concerns may need to be dealt with. Does he plan to crossdress at school? Do you know his sexual orientation? Does he know any of these answers. In the short paragraph that I have written, I have just touched on the tip of the iceberg. What you are in the process of doing is commendable but not very prudent. Temporary custody is a compromise like living together before you tie the knot. Good luck!

[BRANDYJ]

Annie D, you make some very good points. I doubt it would be possible to meet with the child's parents since they already gave up parental rights and demonstrated that they just don't care. Could be more to it then them not being able to deal with the crossdressing. In fact, I'd bet my last dollar on it. Could be that they are drug users and abusers, or maybe alcoholics. In either case if the drugs and or alcohol was abused during the pregnancy, there could be some mental problems. Alcohol syndrome is quit common if the mother drank while carrying the child. But again, I believe there is a whole lot more to the parents giving him up then what meets the eye. I'd want to know the facts.
The other thing that still bothers me is the motive to adopt this boy. I wonder.......If the boy was not demonstrating any gender issues what so ever, would the OP still be high on adopting him? The honest answer from the OP is the only one that really matters.

[Kelli Ca]

There are always cautions to deal with but the fact that you are so open and willing to share love with te child speaks volumes. It sounds like you've got it under control best wishes and prayers

[Stephanie47]

I offer you my best for taking in a troubled youth. I say troubled, not because of his desire to cross dress. But, because of the torment he is probably enduring in school and on the playground. Pre-teens and teens can be brutal. I suspect there is an element of self loathing and denial on his part also. I suspect he will be reassessing his sexuality pretty soon. I know there are many locales and social service agencies that will not allow gays to adopt children. I've yet to hear of opening cross dressing men adopting young impressionable boys who cross dress. This is going to be a tough road for you and the child.