Help me! :(

[AngelaKelly<3]

...I'm, yet again, in one of these holes of mine; where I get really down and think "What the hell am I doing?" and "who the hell am I?" when thinking about my dressing. Or rather, my affection for dressing.

I guess it's just the isolation and unacceptance of what we do, that makes me get so frustrated that I end up in one of these holes :( esspecially since I've not actually had a chance to dress for around a 2 years or so :heehee: (still living with my folks, you see).

What do you girls think; do you ever get so frustrated and downright defeated like this about what you do? or, did you ever get like this when you were just starting out?

I'd love to hear about it all, thanks a bunch.

- Angela <3 x

[JessicaVal]

You're ok, and going through a cycle that I've been through many times. Just breath, don't do anything that would be permanent, and keep talking! You're welcome to PM me if you want to talk/cry privately.

Personally I've struggled with acceptance and guilt and worse, felt out of control for much of my time dressing. In fact, I'm just now starting to discover who I really am and what that means to me. I *almost* came out to my parents and brother yesterday. It's not like something that we can do in public and figure out if we like it...I can play a game of basketball, and know right away that I don't like it...I can't live as a woman and figure that out...I have to guess and wonder and hope.

The last time I was away on a business trip type thing, and started dressing. When I got home I felt horrible, because my wife doesn't approve or accept it.

The time before that I lived alone and really sank into the darkest part of the Internet...almost went out with a couple people...I KNEW that wasn't who I was, but I didn't know who I wanted to be either. Both times I purged every part of it and swore never to do it again. I regret THAT most of all.

[heatherdress]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are young and have the rest of your life to figure out who you are and what you need to do. Enjoy doing things that are easy to do. Grow. Develop yourself. Learn. Experience. Develop true friendships. Educate yourself. Learn skills. Go slow. You are experiencing normal frustrations and lonliness. It's OK - part of life. Don't feel defeated. Life is all about figuring out "who the hell you are". Only you can decide. Try and enjoy the challenge.

[STACY B]

Hey when in dought SHOE SHOP ...Works for me,,, Get ya back on track,,, Maybe take a trip outta town ,, Even if its just close by,,,Just get away for the moment

[reb.femme]

It's OK for me to dress when my wife is at home, so I can only imagine your pain Angela. However, I also like to give her husband time too and I feel the "wanting to dress pangs" most then. But of course, that is nothing to your situation......2 years! I have enough trouble with 2 days! :eek:

I'm assuming that you believe your parents wouldn't be very understanding if you told them of your alternate life? I know mine would have recoiled at such a revelation. What can I say really other than if you've made it to 2 years without dressing, then you have an iron will. Looks like time to leave home although easier to say than do. Sorry for being of absolutely no assistance, so just sending my sympathy........although that makes it seem like someone has passed away. :straightface:

Rebecca x

[docrobbysherry]

Sometimes, not being able to dress when u want to can affect EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE! At least, that's what's happened to me, Angela! I suggest doing whatever u need to do to dress when the urge strikes. That may release a lot of your stress.

[TeresaL]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are young and have the rest of your life to figure out who you are and what you need to do. Enjoy doing things that are easy to do. Grow. Develop yourself. Learn. Experience. Develop true friendships. Educate yourself. Learn skills. Go slow. You are experiencing normal frustrations and lonliness. It's OK - part of life. Don't feel defeated. Life is all about figuring out "who the hell you are". Only you can decide. Try and enjoy the challenge.
Good advice


Hey when in dought SHOE SHOP ...Works for me,,, Get ya back on track,,, Maybe take a trip outta town ,, Even if its just close by,,,Just get away for the moment
excellent,? YOU are brilliant. Too funny. :drink:

[AngelaKelly<3]

Thanks for all your helpful words :D

I'm going to try and see if I can get, maybe even just an hour or so, over the next week to throw on a dress and release all this tention :heehee:

[JessicaVal]

Good luck! If you have your own room, maybe it'll lock? If not, you can always replace doorknobs. :-)

Be smart, and be safe!

[Joanne Curl]

I go through long periods when I cannot dress and its really tough, I think about it constantly. I've also had periods where I was able to dress everyday (or part of everyday) for a month or more. I got so used to it that it almost became "normal" to be dressed in public as Joanne. I really miss it and think about it often, like right now....

[Beverley Sims]

I think if I lived at least half way up Scotland say north of Inverness I would take up photography in the hills wearing androgynous clothing.
It would get rid of some of the frustrations. Only trouble there you may meet someone you know. Having a camera in hand is a good excuse to be in the middle of nowhere. I say this because I have photographed lakes, deer, scots in kilts hunting and a myriad of wildlife whilst dressed.
Anyway if you are in Glasgow, (Loch Lomond) or Edinburgh (Queensferry and the Forth Bridge.) Try walking the road bridge on a windy day. You can still get out a bit.
Love to know how you get on with getting out.

[Cynthia Anne]

Keep the spirit up young lady! Life is what you make it! Make it a happy one! Hugs!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Angela, I can't even imagine a two year dry spell.
Do you or can you under dress that can relieve som stress.

[Sarah27]

I live with my parents, I told them about it, lol, they don't like it, I have a dresser I refabricated with secret locks and I redesigned my closet so it secretly locks and I have tons of clothes in obvious places that can't be gotten to. I lock my door every night and dress up and sleep like that, jeans skirts whatever.

[melissakozak]

AngelaKelly,

Girlfriend. Nearly ALL of us have been where you are at right now, but take heart, your confusion will not last. All of that isolation and shame is internalized from external forces at work. I love to compare our plight today to that of the American Indian tribes who were accepting of gender variant people. They were, in fact, revered. WE are not in Western Society. Not at all. Don't make society's intolerance and indifference YOUR problem. We don't have any issues; we are just different. Nothing more and nothing less. I know it is is difficult to not feel defeated or demoralized.

At age 19, I came roaring out of the closet in 1990. I was brave, bold and wreckless. Now, I am a far more mature and know who I am. I can understand your frustration with not being able to dress because of your parents. The solution is to get out ASAP. It is what I did, and it helped. If not, start getting creative. Things WILL get better, but also realize that it is better for you to accept and embrace this aspect of yourself at a young age and adjust accordingly. You will be much happier if you do it now rather than try to fight and resist who you are. Always remember, this is part of WHO you are and not always WHAT YOU DO. Peace be with you sister....Melissa.

[erica12b]

I did a thread a time or to back , on a different site, called. did you ever just feel stupid, your having a great time dressed a little or to the nines and then you just stop and think what the f am i doing , reality check, then the nerves hit and for me the guilt, then the feeling of clean it off and throw it away, (thank god i won't ) what i now do if this happens is i stop , sit down and breath tell myself its OK I'm still me, just me and i don't half to do this i want to .


Some times it works great and the good feeling comes back, that all i can say

[jillleanne]

You're as normal as the rising sun. All you can do is learn to laugh about the down times and say to yourself, it's who I was born so I better get used to it and figure out a way to have fun with it or I'll drive myself nutso. Eventually you will come to fully accept it and wonder why you lost all those years denying it without having fun with it.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Show your parents what you look like all dolled up, maybe you will be the daughter they never had, LOL!!! You look great as a girl and the easy answer is to get your own place but the hard way is probably better in the long run so I say think about talking to them. I am not one for this advise, I didn't do it when I was 22 but now I wish that I had. Times were diff back then, that's a bad excuse but that' what I am going with.

[Tracii G]

I would talk to your Mom first if she is the understanding type.Most women are very understanding about things like this.
Everything you are feeling is normal so don't worry.
Best of luck if you want you can PM me anytime.

[Lorileah]

*hands shovel to Angela* We are both down here so lets dig. Either we will break through the bottom or we will end up filling this hole and climbing out Either way we win. Coming along?

[kimdl93]

Sure, I felt isolated and a bit frustrated before I was out to anyone and CDing was a solitary affair. But this is a largely self-imposed isolation. You end it by getting out and making acquaintances. Try to reach out to a few friends that can know about Angela and allow you to live outside the confines of your isolation.