mixed feeling about meeting others

[erica12b]

Can anyone help me sort out this mixed feeling i get when i meet out in the real world people , that know about erica . Im ok and not super nervous if im meeting with gg , or a small mixed group ,but then when it comes to small talk with the guys in the group ,i just go stupid and start to stress, even when i know that one or two of them dress , i have been to about three of these meet and greets , and just want to try and figure out why i do this. Erica12b

[bridget thronton]

I you like yourself people will be fine with you no matter how you dress

[Cynthia Anne]

I have the same problem around guys myself! Guys don't stand around talking about things we girls enjoy talking about!

[Georgia Rose]

This is something I've been thinking about recently. I've am very private CDer but have this feeling I'd like to meet someone or a few people in a similar situation. While this forum is great I'm feeling like I want to reach out & find others in a similar situation. I suppose the big problem is personal security, not necessarily physical but keeping things the way you want them to be ( those who may want to know and those who you don't). I'm sure there are many of us thinking the same way but how do we make the first move.

As regards dealing with other males, it is not generally a problem. I'm not into sport but can talk about most things in a general way and so get by. Not many men I know want to talk about the issue of smudged mascara and the like.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erica, You just have to Take a deep breath and colm down.

[PretzelGirl]

It may be something you have to work your way into a comfort zone over time. It probably feels real personal and private to you and those aren't easy things to just open up about to strangers, even if it is other members of our group. So give yourself some time and try and talk about more generic things. Eventually you will get comfortable talking with the people you meet and the rest may come easier.

[Annaliese2010]

You care too much about what they think of you, how they may accept or reject you. Stick with gg & tg girls. We're much more non-judgmental, optimistic, fun & comfortable to be around. Males are thoroughly revolting, boring, transparant & pathetic. (IMO anyways)

[AllieSF]

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

[jackiebelle]

If you can talk to these same people over the phone first perhaps the meetings will be easier.

[erica12b]

I have no problem talking( typing) with anyone , but when its in the real world ,its like erica freaks and hides, then my male self just dumbs up, talking with the g,gs is just eazy, light , or flirty , turn to the guy and i just got hit with the dumb stick again , im thinking it my self defence or the fact i have hide in a heavy guys world for most of my life , hunting fishing ,fixing rigs, and talking sports are what i do with the guys , cant even think girly thoughts .

Or something like that if it makes any sence

[docrobbysherry]

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

I agree, Allie! However, if I live to 150, I'm never going to out dressed and NOT be stressed! Some of us just aren't comfy out in our fem skins! (Well, I like my Femskin A LOT! But, that's another thread!)

[Tracii G]

I had that problem when I first started going to my support group meetings.The guys I met dressed at home but never came to meetings enfemme.
I figured they were just like me and very nervous too.
What I did was be my female sides self and just chat and have a good time.It gets so much easier in time.

[jillleanne]

Just give it time. The more you do it, the self confidence will continue to build.

[KellyJameson]

As Erica at a meet and greet meeting men you may feel the sexual tension in the air.

Women swim in an ocean of male sexuality practically wherever they go and if you present as a woman you may attract a certain amount of this sexual energy which
you sense but do not know what to do with.

Another possibility is the vulnerability from setting aside the tough guy image men adopt to keep male aggression from other men in check.

There are many mannerisms such as walk, position of arms, stance, facial expressions,ect.. that are adopted to send subtle signals of being ready and capable of defending oneself that are difficult to project when dresssed.

The methods of intimidation are somewhat different between the sexes depending on individual physical characteristics and temperament.

You also may not feel like you will be as readily accepted by men as women so are more likely to be bullied (physical aggression/intimidation) , criticized (verbally attacked), humiliated (shamed), all forms of rejection and attack.

Also your own sexuality may be affected by dressing, further adding to the strangeness of being around men because you could become sexually aware of them.

The crossdressing in my opinion does not change your sexuality but it may awaken aspects of your sexuality that has been dormant or unexplored.

Use your imagination and create the scenario in your mind that is causing your stress. Create in your mind a "what if" (worst case scenario) situation and this will lead you to the discovery of what is causing your stress, you fear something happening. A failure on your part or an attack against you.

Once you know what this is than you will be able to reason out whether there is a genuine danger to you.

Do not run from the stress, accept it and you will soon learn it's source. Be aware of your changing feelings without trying to understand them. Observe yourself
and watch for patterns, do specific men make you nervous or all men ?

Take a genuine interest in people and ask them questions about things they are interested in and forget about being liked or accepted. When I'm nervous I stay quiet by keeping the other person talking.

As you learn to manage your environment (you in relation to others) you will gain confidence and feel safe and in this relaxed state of mind you will than be able to look backward and see what was causing the stress.

[bobbimo]

I find it hard to talk with the guys, even as a guy.

[Karren H]

The issue I have is that just liking to wear the same clothing isn't enough in common for me to form a lasting friendship or even strike up a good conversation... after you say "love your dress... love your shoes" then what? got to be something more uncommon... like hockey or sports or collecting nail pullers! lol

And I still have this things in my mind where I'm so normal.... and other crossdressers are strange? I don't know.... just something I haven't gotten past... I don't really seek out others for a number of reasons mainly because I don't need any support and I'm not that much of a social person.. unless there's an ice rink and I've got a stick in my hands... Why try to push yourself into a situation that your not comfortable with.... just because its the thing to do or everyone else wants you to do it... just sayin

[DonnaT]

Sounds like you don't really want to talk about guy stuff when dressed as Erica, and aren't sure what to talk about with the guys otherwise. Or you aren't sure if the small talk will be taken as flirting.

Listen to the gals in the group, and how they talk with the guys, and see if you can follow suit.

[Noemi]

Hey pumpkin.

You got your answer. It is the male sexual energy. Be aware of that and think through it as best you can. Not saying you want to be with a man. But all the years of over compensating because we feel feminine come crashing into you and needs to be sorted out so you can be comfortable.

It is a question of awareness. The more you look at it the more it will disappear.

It is ok to be soft and fem. It takes the edge off that is for sure.

Good post, thank you. Helps me too, as I can be Alpha myself, but am very sweet too. It is complicated being us.

♥
Noemi