the hangover

[Amy Fakley]

Like many of you, I'm in the closet. On average my family goes away to visit relatives, about 4 times a year where I'm not able to go with, because of my job. On the plus side, I'm a telecommuter.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you ladies, that this means I'm damn near full time for a week or two about 4 times a year (you know, unless I need to leave the house, LOL).

Presently I'm at the beginning of one of these periodic "vacations from man-town", and it is ... as always ... complete bliss. I'm at that stage now, where I begin to expect to see Fakely in the mirror instead of my dude persona, and it feels so, so right. :daydreaming:

If I had my way, I'd live this way all the time, but of course ... I made other commitments in my life, and I'm cool with staying in the closet for the time being, but these wonderful weeks always have to come to an end.

After its all over, usually within about 5 or 6 days, I get depressed ... like not just depressed but with italics for emphasis, LOL. It's horrible. I can't look at myself in a mirror without seeing Fakely staring out from behind my dude face, and it sort of just breaks my heart a little.

Though I'm so happy right now, and will be this whole week probably ... I know it's coming ... the pink fog hangover, and I'm dreading it already.

I'm sure I can't be the only one here who gets this way.
Anyone have any hangover remedies?

[Amy R Lynn]

I HATE having to take it all off. I only get to dress (fully) about once or twice a month for a couple of hours at night, in my bedroom. Being a single father, and my children don't know about Amy, I am very limited. I dread when I have to put it all away. Amy looks so beautiful, and I put a lot of work into making her up. I cope with it by under dressing a little. I have also used a little bit of Mascara when I'm in guy mode, and no one is any the wiser. I have actually gotten several compliments on how my eyes look so nice. I don't think they are saying that because they notice the makeup. I don't use very much, just a very tiny amount. So... there are things you can do to when you can't go all out! Good luck.

[Voulez-Vous]

I made other commitments in my life

I think you already answered your own question.

[monicagurl23]

i get hangovers kinda like you, not right afterwards so much, but when i haven't dressed for a while i get real cranky and pissy at people. i usually get over it by thinking about the next tim i'll be able ot dress, however long away that might be.

[Amy Fakley]

I think you already answered your own question.

:straightface: no doubt, hun.

I'm fully aware that I made my own mess. Unfortunately ... well ... coming out just isn't something I can do at the moment without really hurting a lot of people I care about (and I care about them more than I care about myself really). A friend of mine once told me "we all build our own prisons", and I suppose that's true.

In any case ... someday the stars will align and I'll be able to come out loud and proud and though I'm sure it won't be all rose petals and unicorn rainbows, the collateral damage will be at a level my conscience can deal with.

That is of course, aside from the fact that even if someday was today, I still wouldn't have the confidence I'd need. I mean hell ... I had to change my avatar just now after posting this thread (even though my face was completely obscured) because I was just too embarrassed of it.

I've got a long way to go, like them slimass cigarettes, baby. LOL